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Sirius laughed and ducked Bellatrix’s stunning spell. Was she really even trying? A long time ago he would have thought maybe not — back when the memory of them being children was fresher in her mind — but he’d long since ceased to believe that there was any good left in her heart. He’d long since ceased to believe that she even had a heart. His mother would have been so proud of her niece.
“Come on, you can do better than that!” He yelled at her, his taunt echoing around the cavernous stone room. He had to keep her distracted, keep her occupied. Keep her away from Harry. Her next spell hit him square in the chest, and he staggered backwards — in a moment that seemed to simultaneously, and impossibly, last half a second and a thousand years. And then he was falling, deep into the all encompassing nothingness.
Sirius opened his eyes, staring up at the high stone ceiling. It took him a moment to realise that he was no longer in the Death Chamber, there was natural light in the room that the Department of Mysteries did not have.
Harry.
He sat up, running a shaking hand over his face. He looked down at his body, intrigued by the fact that he was naked. As soon as this thought occurred to him a pile of clothes appeared at his side on the stone floor. Jeans and a t-shirt. He barked out a laugh — Muggle clothes, what else… That teenage rebellion that had, overtime, just become an old habit. Sirius stood and quickly dressed. He recognised the large windows, the stone walls. He was in Hogwarts, he was sure of it. The corridor ahead of him was pitch black… unnaturally so given the light from the windows. He needed to go back, Harry was still there, still fighting. He needed him.
“You didn’t have to put them on, honestly, I think I’d have preferred it if you didn’t.”
Her voice was the most beautiful sound in the world. And it had been so long. Sirius felt winded and all the air seemed to have vanished from his lungs, his throat tight. He spun around and Marlene McKinnon stood up from where she’d been sitting on one of the windowsills. His brilliant and beautiful Marley, whose smile lit up every room, and whose ferocity out shone the sun. He didn’t remember making the conscious decision to go to her, he barely registered that she was also closing the distance between them. And then she was in his arms. His fingers tangling through her soft blonde hair, breathing her in, his face wet with tears.
It was as though he had been drowning and her touch had pulled him to the surface.
She was holding onto him just as tightly, her nails digging in through his shirt and, he imagined, leaving deep crescents in his skin. He pulled back to look at her, she was exactly how he remembered. He brushed his thumb against her cheek. The afterlife had been kinder to her than life had been to him.
“I’m surprised you recognised me. Azkaban sort of robbed me of the pretty…made me a bit of a monster really.” He wanted to sound casual but it was just hollow, painfully false. “You shouldn’t have to see me like this.” He added, forcing a laugh, trying to pretend that it was all a bit of a joke. Old habits died hard, he supposed, clearly harder than he did anyway. Marlene took his hand and brought it up to touch his face. The skin beneath his fingers felt younger. He ran it through his hair and realised that it was short again. This was how he had looked the last time he was truly, all encompassingly, happy.
“I’ve been watching you, Sirius, and there hasn’t been a single moment in the last fourteen years where I haven’t thought you were the most handsome man in the whole world.” She said softly. “And there hasn’t been a single moment, where I haven’t loved you with all my heart.”
“I love you.” He had never told her that enough. He should have told her every day. He should have told her the second he’d realised it, instead of messing around with other girls, or letting her get fucked about by that absolute—
“I hate you too.” She smirked. How easy it was to slip back into their old patterns. And then he was kissing her. Fourteen years of kisses. He wanted to push her up against the stone wall, to make up for all that lost time. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t stay here, and it killed him. He pulled back, not letting his body touch hers, but not able to let go of her hands.
“I can’t stay here. I have to go back. Harry.” He whispered, looking over his shoulder at that infinite darkness. “He’s fighting for his life.”
“You can’t go back.” She whispered, her voice so soft, so sad.
“Why not?” He demanded, turning back to her furiously. He didn’t want to spend their last moments together arguing, but she was gripping his hands tightly now; she wasn’t going to let him go.
“You won’t be you… not really. Do you honestly want to spend eternity as a ghost?”
That had been what Moony had called him. ‘The sad ghost of some Byronic hero.’ He’d been living as a ghost for a long time now. It was a miserable way to exist. “But Harry.” He choked, even though he knew that she was right.
“He’s fine. Remus is with him.” Marlene said, her voice strained. Oh Moony, poor sweet, Moony. The last of them… unless you counted Wormtail. And Sirius no longer counted Peter Pettigrew. She was looking over his shoulder, into that blackness.
“Can you see them?” He asked, her eyes were full of tears. Marlene nodded. “What do you see? Please don’t lie.”
Marlene hesitated, she seemed to be at war with herself. Whatever she could see must be awful. He tried to tug out of her grip. He need to to go back to Harry. Marlene held him tighter.
“He’s screaming for you.” She breathed, a tear spilling over. Sirius’s heart clenched painfully, his soul aching to return to his godson. “He’s trying to follow you— but don’t worry,” she added quickly, the horror must have shown on his face. “Remus has got him.”
Harry would be okay with Moony, he’d look after him now. He and Marlene were quiet for sometime, Sirius couldn’t tell how long. He tucked her hair behind her ear. How could he leave her?
“I’ve been seeing you, all week actually. Were you really there…or was I just going mad?” There had been so little left of his sanity, especially in the last year. Marlene touched her fingers to his temple and sighed.
“Probably both.” She grinned, and Sirius laughed. She’d called him mad the first day they’d met, or something along those lines. “I’ve still felt connected to you all these years.”
“I know what you mean. I think the best part of me died with you.” He murmured, but she was shaking her head. Marlene slipped her hand under his shirt and placed it over his heart.
“It really didn’t.” She breathed. Her touch seemed to burn warmth into his skin, filling him with so much love.
“I could feel you… this is going to sound insane. But whenever Harry was in danger, it was like you were lurking just out of sight. Then today, I looked in the mirror and I could see you standing behind me.” He mumbled.
“I should think so. I was screaming and shouting from this side, I wanted to warn you.” She laughed. Sirius didn’t know if she was being, well, serious. He had really missed her, missed this.
“I’m so sorry. I should have protected you.” He whispered, pressing his lips to her forehead and brushing his fingers against her stomach. “I should have been there. I should have—”
“Stop it.” She said firmly, catching his hand. “You would have been killed too.”
“Good—”
“Sirius, stop it.” She said again, she didn’t sound angry but Sirius was sure he could tip the balance that way fairly easily if he so desired.
“Who was it? Travers I know, but it would have taken far more than one— Was it Malfoy? Avery? Bella? Snivellus?” He asked. He’d felt more sure about that last with every passing day, but maybe he’d just been left to stew in his hatred for too long.
“It doesn’t matter.” Marlene murmured, brushing back the hair that had fallen in his face.
“It matters to me.” Sirius snarled, she had been murdered, ripped from the world, from his life, from their future. And his whole world had ended.
“It shouldn’t.” She said softly, tilting her head to kiss him, ever so gently this time. “But with death comes perspective and knowledge, so if you really want to know, you will.”
Sirius looked around again, feeling frustrated, but not wanting to fight with her. “Why are we in Hogwarts?” He asked finally.
“I didn’t realise we were.” Marlene said simply, looking around. “I guess we are, aren’t we? I suppose it’s because you’ve come home.”
Sirius couldn’t stave off the tears at her words. His first home, he true home. He had come home.
Marlene brushed them away. “Come with me? If you really want to go back, I can’t stop you, I can only ask. So I'm asking, come with me? James and Lily are waiting.”
“I can’t.” He gasped, horrified. He was going to go with her, of course he was. As much as he wanted to return he knew that he couldn’t. But he couldn’t face Lily and James, not when he had failed them so colossally. “They must be so angry—”
“Stop it, they’re not. They’ve missed you.” Marlene said, lacing her fingers with his. Sirius let her tug him along the corridor; he had to shield his face for a moment as they stepped out onto the sunlit grounds. James threw his arms around him before his eyes had adjusted.
Sirius broke.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” He sobbed, gripping onto James like he was about to float away into nothingness. “I killed you, I killed Lily. It was my fault. I convinced you to switch to Peter, and he…and he…”
“Shh.” James soothed.
“I’ve failed Harry every step of the way. It was my job to look after him and I didn’t…I wasn’t there for him…I couldn’t protect him…”
“It wasn’t your fault.” James said, pressing his forehead to Sirius’s. “It wasn’t your fault. You did what you could for Harry, and you loved him. I could see it from this side. I could feel it. And my son is better for having had you in his life, however briefly. He’ll be a better man for it.”
“It’s been so fucking lonely.” Sirius choked.
“I know.” James breathed, and Sirius could see that he was crying too. “But you’ll never have to be lonely again. I promise.”
It took Sirius a long time to let go of James. He looked beyond him to where Lily was waiting, and staggered over, pulling her against him. “I wanted to keep him. I would have kept him, I swear.”
“I know, I know Dumbledore wouldn’t let you. It wasn’t supposed to be this way but it's not your fault that it was.” Lily said quietly. “I don’t blame you.”
“The Dursleys were so awful to him, I’m sorry I couldn’t keep him safe from them.” Lily seemed to stiffen in his arms at the name.
“I know. We’ve seen how they’ve treated him…but that is not on you.”
Lily kissed his cheek and stepped back. “You’re going to be okay now. I’m so proud of you, so proud to have called you a friend. You’ve been fighting so hard for so long, it must have been exhausting.”
“It was.” Sirius admitted. “I was so tired, and so scared, and so sad, all the time.”
Marlene slipped her hand back into his and squeezed it. He had missed her, missed them, so fucking much. But he was with them now, and as long as he was with them, he knew that whatever happened next, he would be alright.
What was it Dumbledore always called it? Just the next great adventure.