Archive of Our Own

Was it supposed to be this hard? 

Lan Jingyi can only sigh as he sees Sizhui been dragged away by Wei Wuxian to heavens know where. The cute and gentle boy sending an apologetic smile to him as he manages to catch up with the other and pay attention to what he’s saying.

Spending time with your boyfriend shouldn’t be this hard.

Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui are very different and very aware of it, despite Sizhui being a perfect combination of Lan Wangji’s diligence, Lan Xichen’s kindness and Wei Wuxian’s cleverness, he’s nowhere near to be similar to Jingyi’s sometimes explosive behaviour.

While Sizhui rarely loses his temper and prefers to politely put people on their places, Jingyi is ready to punch them in the face and kick them in the balls, while Sizhui smiles and looks with dreamy eyes what Lan Wangji or Wei Wuxian does during a battle, Jingyi enjoys yelling around just how coo l they are and how no one gets even close to their abilities.

They shouldn’t be a good match in terms of romance, but they are.

They grew up together and reached the level they have at this moment by helping each other and practising until Lan Xichen had to remind them they needed to sleep. Jingyi has fond memories of when Sizhui appeared at the Cloud Recesses from one day to another, the young and giggly boy of his age becoming the kind of friend he wanted because everyone else was a bunch of whiny kids who complained about scraped knees and bruised hands. 

Sizhui never cared about any of that. Despite having their white little robes and forehead ribbons to protect, they enjoyed running around and climbing small trees until someone came to scold them for doing so. As they grew up they started to leave behind these bad habits and adopted better ones, despite Jingyi complains about having to stay at the library for so long, Sizhui always found the way to make him feel interested about re-reading the three thousand rules or studying everything Lan Qiren wanted them to know for the next class. 

Lan Sizhui was always there, right at his side ready to help him and it shouldn’t have been a surprise when they ended up kissing one night after a long night hunt.

It had been soft, tender and Sizhui had become a flustered and blushing mess who apologised profusely, everything while Jingyi stayed there frozen like a statue until he suddenly yelled something along the lines of holy shit we kissed!

“So… where’s Sizhui?” Looking away from where his boyfriend disappeared with his other father, Jingyi finds Ouyang Zizhen standing there with a raised brow.

“Guess,” He snorts, turning around to walk away. “Senior Wei needed him for something so he went.”

“Thought we were having dinner!”

“Because that was my plan!” Jingyi whines, throwing his arms up before letting them fall at his sides. “Eat and then go finish that huge list Grandmaster Lan left for us to do.”

“And you call me dramatic,” Zizhen squints at him. “Jingyi, you live with Sizhui, it’s not as if you won’t talk to him again for years and Hanguang-Jun and Senior Wei love you. It’s not a problem.”

The thing is that it really is.

After that night they became too polite and formal towards each other, both fearing they would mess things up so much everything would go to literal shit. They grew up together, shared their first everything but sharing their first kiss or anything in the romantic field never really went through their heads, so it was terrifying. 

The awkwardness was there and Jin Ling, Ouyang Zizhen and the rest of disciples noticed it, but instead of relating it to something romantic going on between them, they just assumed they had a normal fight between teenagers or something, after all, they were both eighteen. Not that it mattered, the two of them went back to the Cloud Recesses and tried to go on with life, but the attraction was there.

Jingyi suddenly noticed just how handsome Sizhui was, his slightly round face, his gentle eyes, fair skin and refined appearance most of the Lan had were breathtaking. All of it suddenly became the only thing Jingyi could see whenever he looked at his best friend and Sizhui seemed to think something else whenever he looked at him because he often blushed and looked away. The two of them seemed to have returned to being giggly teenagers who kissed without having explicit permission from their parents and were fueled by the adrenaline of being caught, just without the giggly part because an excess of emotion was forbidden.

“Jingyi… I’m sorry for kissing you that day,” Sizhui had said one day they were alone at the library pavilion, copying the rules after they decided to go out night-hunting with Wen Ning again. “It’s just… I think I like you.”

It probably is the most innocent way of confessing to someone and Jingyi almost starts crying there because it’s too precious and he just wants to hug his best friend and tell him he feels the same so… he actually does it. He kisses Sizhui once more and only moves away when they suddenly remember they’re in a very public place where the elders or worse, Hanguang-Jun, can see them.

“Then we should try to be something.”

The way Sizhui’s eyes lit up as he nodded and exclaimed a loud yes that would have caused Lan Qiren a qi deviation had been too much for Jingyi’s heart and well, he didn’t cry, something entered his eye.

“Of course it’s not a problem Zizhen, but in case you haven’t noticed it, they just request his presence not mine, so let’s just go eat.”

He’s honestly surprised Zizhen hasn’t sensed something is happening between Sizhui and him, but maybe they’re very good at hiding things than what he initially thought.

“You sound like a Senior Wei when he talks about not having alone time with his husband.”

Marriage.

Oh, God.

“Just shut up and let’s go.”

The second biggest problem is that Lan Jingyi and Lan Sizhui are Lans and love doesn’t seem to be the easiest topic for everyone in this damn sect, for heaven’s sake, Lan Wangji had to live and mourn the death of his now-husband for sixteen years before having the chance to reunite with him and while Sizhuis’s and his’ problem isn't that extreme, it is still stressing.

Lan Jingyi loves Lan Sizhui with all his heart and would never ever think of hurting him, but revealing it to the world— to their family feels like fighting a horde of fierce corpses without their swords.

Lan Sizhui is the son of the Chief Cultivator, of the Hanguang Jung, the Second Jade of Lan.

Lan Sizhui is the son of Wei Wuxian, the Yiling patriarch, the man who everyone wanted dead.

Lan Sizhui is the nephew of the Sect Leader of the Gusu Lan Sect, the first Jade of Lan, Lan Xichen.

Lan Sizhui is the only heir Gusu Lan has.

Of course, this isn’t new for Jingy and doesn’t mean he is intimidated or that he finds all of this more attractive than Sizhui himself, no, he’s just terrified of somehow letting them down and causing them to hate him because they are his family, the only family he has and he can’t lose it.

Hanguang-Jun was always accepting and caring, in his way of course, whenever he appeared at the jingshi’s door with Sizhui; he never said no when he asked if he could come in and never asked anything, he just served a plate for him and allowed him to eat with them. The same went for Lan Xichen, whenever he had to take care of Sizhui he allowed him to be around and spend the whole day with his nephew, making him feel welcomed despite not being nowhere near to the status Sizhui held by being the adoptive son of Lan Wangji. The addition of Wei Wuxian into the equation had the same result, sure he teased him a lot and enjoyed annoying him with his weird comments, but he cared for Jingyi just like he cared for Sizhui and his own nephew Jin Ling. They really were his family and he didn’t want to lose them.

What if Jingyi is not good enough?

Yes, they’re used to having him around as Sizhui’s friend but would they still like him if he suddenly said he’s their son’s and nephew’s boyfriend? He’s not sure, so for him, revealing it is a big no for now.

Sizhui, on his side, doesn’t want to bother anyone. 

Being the Chief Cultivator, Lan Wangji has a lot of work to do, he travels and holds reunions to hear about what’s bothering the cultivation world and how he can help. Lan Xichen, on his side, came out of seclusion with a still slightly fragile state of mind after a year and a half, so to say he has a lot of things to worry about is being gentle. Finally, Wei Wuxian struggled to find his identity in a world where he wasn’t the enemy anymore and could live with a bit more of freedom, but also a world where he had to face all the consequences he avoided when he let himself fall from that cliff. Even now after marrying his true love, he still struggled with being part of a sect where no one aside from a few people liked him. 

To make it short, their family was doing better than some years ago, but still had a lot of things on them so Sizhui doesn’t want to say something that distracts them from what they’re working so hard on. Jingyi’s reasons feel selfish in comparison to Sizhui's, but in the end, they both find a bit of comfort in thinking they will eventually tell them.

“Senior Wei is preparing a gift for Hanguang-Jun,” That afternoon while Jingyi is furiously trying to get rid of the ink stains on his fingers, Sizhuis appears once more, his serene and calm expression a huge contrast against Jingyi’s stress. “He needed my opinion so it’s perfect.”

The other Lan just grunts in response, giving up on removing the biggest stain after seeing he will probably get rid of his skin before the stain.

“I wanted to have dinner with you,” Sizhui’s voice suddenly gets a sad tone as he moves to stand at his side. “I’m sorry we couldn’t.”

“Sizhui, you really need to stop apologising for something you didn’t do!” He complains, turning around to rest his hands on his boyfriend’s shoulders to shake him a bit. “I’m not mad or anything, we can eat any other day.”

Yes, he is actually a bit annoyed, but his heart can’t stand having Sizhui feeling bad or guilty about something he can’t control, the only problem is:

“It’s happening a lot, don’t you think?”

That.

Before they decided to start a relationship they were always together. Night-hunts, classes or just life, in general, moved with the two of them being an unbreakable duo. Even during the hard and confusing times of discovering Jin Guangyao being the mastermind behind many of the tragedies that brought the world down years ago, Sizhui and he were still there, together. After they started dating, though, it changed.

They weren’t completely separated, of course, but they often found themselves having to go in different directions.

During Lan Xichen’s seclusion, Lan Qiren left very clear that only direct family was allowed to visit him and Sizhui was one of them, so at least once a month, his boyfriend spent a whole day trying to support the uncle who had helped him to adapt when he was first brought to the Cloud Recesses. Jingyi was, of course, completely fine with it, he, like a lot of people more, was burning in anger at seeing their sect leader had been used and manipulated by a cruel man who wanted to prove his superiority in the worst way possible. So no, Sizhui being away for a day to help the man wasn’t bad or annoying, but it ultimately added to his need for pulling his hair off.

They couldn’t find themselves alone for at least a second.

“More than I would like to,” He huffs, crossing his arms angrily. “But tomorrow we’re visiting Caiyu and that won’t change!”

“It won’t, I promise,” He smiles softly, looking around to make sure no one is around to then press a kiss to his cheek. “I’m excited to spend some time together.”

“You sound as cheesy as Zizhen, maybe I shouldn’t let you around him for so long.” Yes, Jingyi loves making fun of the cheesiness Ouyang Zizhen seems to carry with him whenever he moves, but when Sizhui says it, his heart feels close to exploding.

“You need to thank his cheesiness for our visit tomorrow,” Sizhui and a small playful smile that reminds him of Wei Wuxian’s one, says. “If he hasn’t been reading that novel, Grandmaster Lan wouldn’t have punished him with copying the rules three times on our free day.”

“Fair enough,” Jingyi hums. “Sad we get to have a good time by having someone else suffering.”

“That really makes me feel bad…”

“Forget I said it!” He shook his hands in front of the other. “Tomorrow we’re having a wonderful time at Caiyi.”

Because that’s what they need and deserve after being forced apart in all these recent weeks, and they are certain they have everything covered. Wei Wuxian and Hanguang-Jun will be doing whatever those two do when they have free time and have missed each other company for a while, Lan Qiren and Lan Xichen will be having a reunion with the elders to discuss who knows what, Ouyang Zizhen will be locked inside the library pavilion copying rules and since Jin Ling couldn’t come this time, they are free. 

They are excited and are certain it will be.

“A-Yuan!”

Jingyi almost trips and falls the last set of stairs to leave the Cloud Recesses behind when he hears that voice, Sizhui barely managing to pull him back to keep him from humiliating himself even more. Spinning him around to come face to face with the only variable they didn’t take into consideration.

“Uncle Ning,” Sizhui smiles, still hugging one of Jingyi’s arms. “I thought you were still on Qishan.”

“I came back yesterday,” Wen Ning says calmly, eyeing Jingyi who appears to be close to passing out. “Are you two doing okay?”

“Yes, we were heading to Caiyi,” Sizhui continues, needing to look at Jingyi for just a second before continuing. “Would you like to come with us?”

“Wouldn’t I be bothering you?”

“At all, you can come.” Jingyi lets out a sigh but manages to nod and smile a bit, turning around to reassume his walking without falling.

Yes, they have been planning this and it would have been so easy to send him away since Wen Ning is one of the purest souls who walk on earth and put others before him, but Jingyi doesn’t have the heart to do so.

Lan Jingyi is the only one outside of Sizhui’s direct family who knows about his hidden identity as the only Wen alive until this day and he knows because Sizhui trusted him with it. Not long after they started dating, the boy confessed the reason behind his apparently unexpected friendship with Wen Ning and the reason why he went away with him for months.

Wen Ning was his uncle and the only direct family member he had left.

Of course, he was shocked and confused but still embraced the boy as he cried in fear that this revelation would push Jingyi away in repulse, promising to stay with him and not caring about that, stating firmly that he is and will forever be the Sizhui he loved.

Jingyi wasn’t a bad person either, so knowing all the tragedies Wen Ning lived while alive and now in the form of a sentient fierce corpse, he didn’t want to see him alone and away from the only family member he had.

“Is your free day today?” Wen Ning asks as he starts walking as well, slightly behind Sizhui.

“Yes and we somehow managed to not get punished,” Jingyi says with a bit more enthusiasm. “Unlike Zizhen.”

“I’m glad both of you have the chance of resting today,” He says with a warm smile. “Is Young Master Wei doing fine, too?”

“Of course, he and Hanguang-Jun are spending some time together,” Sizhui chuckles, probably amused by how the man complains as if he didn’t have Lan Wangji every day for himself. “Maybe you could see him one day, he asked me about you.”

“Let me know when I can see him, A-Yuan.”

Unlike Zizhen or Jin Ling, Wen Ning is quieter and calmer, so maybe they can enjoy a bit more of their visit and maybe even do a couple of the planned things they had for today. Of course, there won’t be occasional handholds or stolen kisses, but at least something.

“I heard about this restaurant with good food,” Once in Caiyi, Jingyi starts to list all the things he wanted to do. “Maybe we could get food there… eventually.”

“We could take a boat around the river?”

Jingyi’s plan included renting a boat to have a peaceful trip with Sizhui, but that was… intimate and Wen Ning may feel uncomfortable for just sitting there. 

“Ah, look at the loquats, we should buy some,” Not wanting to straight-up refuse the idea, he slides away from them and towards the woman selling them. “They look tasty, too.”

“These are the freshest ones!” The woman claims as she picks up a small bag. “Only here.”

“Sizhui, here,” Without really thinking, Jingyi brings one of the juicy fruits to Sizhuis’s mouth and has him taking a small bite from it, smiling brightly until he remembers that well… They have an audience. “It was… good right?”

“Yeah… very good.” Sizhui is blushing, they can only hope Wen Ning ignores it.

Lan Jingyi had a long list of things to do with his boyfriend in the lively town, but the truth is that they can’t really do much. With Wen Ning there suddenly remembering things he wanted to talk about with Sizhui and Jingyi not understanding much because he had only been once to the Burial Mounds and it’s not that excited to go back, he ends up letting them talk and only replies when he’s talked to. The date turns into yet another hang out with friends and it’s depressing, but as long as Sizhui is happy, it’s fine.

“A-Yuan, Young Master Lan,” Stopping on the same set of stairs that almost kill Jingyi, they stop when Wen Ning speaks.

“Is everything okay, uncle Wen?” Sizhui asks, worried and Jingyi has to admit he’s worried, too.

“I thank you for letting me spend time with you two and for accepting me,” He says softly, throwing a small smile to them. “But next time you have a date, please don’t hesitate in telling me so.”

“Holy shit!” 

Jingyi’s shriek possibly reaches Lan Qiren.

 °°°

The next time they find their time sabotaged by something else happening is when Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji require both of them to go with them to a conference at Lanling organised by Jin Ling himself. 

Now, they’re going together and it opens the door for them to finally spend some quality time, but the truth is that going with those two is dangerous. Wei Wuxian is a shameless man by nature and doesn’t think twice before informing the world that the man walking at his side is his husband, and it’s that shameless personality the one they fear could lead to him thinking there’s something going on between them.

They don’t feel confident enough to exchange glances or steal kisses if he’s near because he will surely know and him knowing will start the domino effect that will inevitably reach every single elder back at the Cloud Recesses. 

Sizhui seems to shiver at the thought.

So they travel to Lanling with Wei Wuxian talking to them from where he is standing on Bichen with Lan Wangji’s arm wrapped securely around his waist, replying the best they can to what he asks and eventually listening intently to yet another story he has from the time he travelled around the world before his marriage.

“So, Jin Ling, why were we required?” Jingyi demands as soon as they enter the huge hall and the Jin Sect Leader comes to greet them, ignoring he’s still with Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji and Sizhui. “You rarely come to the Cloud Recesses, it’s not our fault you miss us.”

“I don’t miss you!” Jin Ling retaliates, probably holding back the urge to punch him because the other two are there. “If you don’t care about this, then you can leave!”

“A-Ling, don’t you see this kid is purposely getting on your nerves?” Wei Wuxian says casually, patting Jingyi’s shoulder. “Just take us to our seats and let him rant alone.”

Apparently flustered by everything, Jin Ling guides them to the table closest to his throne and then stomps away back to the entrance to yell something to one of the servants. 

“That kid, really, if I didn’t know him, I would say he has a crush on you, Jingyi.”

Sizhui chokes on the sip of tea he was having, Jingyi turns red, Wei Wuxian starts laughing.

“Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji says, glancing at his husband. “Behave.”

That’s why Hanguang-Jun is Jingyi’s favourite.

“So… Do you have any idea why we are here?” Ouyang Zizhen asks as he sits next to Sizhui and after properly greeting the two seniors. “I rarely get invited to these reunions.”

“Jing Ling and his weird ideas,” Jingyi says with determination, Sizhuis chuckles softly. “Have no idea of what the idea is, though.”

“Maybe he just wants to include us in something,” Sizhui offers, now composed after what his obnoxious father said. “He’s always mentioning how we rarely get included in everything.”

“Politics are not my main interest, but I have to agree I would like to know what’s going on,” He hums. “Good thing a sect leader understands us.”

And yes, having someone close to their age among so many old-fashioned leaders was great, more so if they considered said sect leader was backed up by two powerful sect leaders, the chief cultivator and even Wei Wuxian. Jin Ling’s path hadn’t been easy, but the three of them were proud of how their friend fought with all his might and managed to save his sect from disappearing.

Jin Ling’s idea is actually a very good one. Lanling has been infested by fierce corpses, monsters and even ghosts ever since Jin Guangyao died, his people, of course, had dealt with most of them, but after a while, he decided to use this as a training method to cultivators like him. He praised and thanked the knowledge the Gusu Lan Sect gave to everyone, but remarked that practice was needed.

Jiang Wanyin was good at hiding things, but he looked proud and happy at hearing his nephew, Lan Wangji showed no reaction for everyone who didn’t know him, but for the ones who did, he seemed pleased, Wei Wuxian was grinning widely and even Nie Huaisang was giving a subtle nod, the rest of leaders didn’t look that convinced. 

Of course, less glory for them.

“Wouldn’t that be dangerous, Sect Leader Jin?” One of them asks.

“We’re capable,” Jin Ling, understandably insulted, replies calmly. “All cultivators can be at risk, but we have been taught how to proceed.”

And they can’t debate that, of course, openly expressing their discomfort meant they had little to no faith in the disciples they trained and that was beyond shameful. 

Jin Ling was clever indeed.

“Sizhui, that gave me a great idea,” With the conference done and with Wei Wuxian distracted with Jin Ling and Ouyang Zizhen while Lan Wangji talked to someone else, Jingyi managed to get his boyfriend away from everyone. “We can tell Hanguang-Jun and Senior Wei we want to go get ready for this activity.”

“If Senior Wei wants to come, we can argue that it’s an activity for juniors and that he can’t come,” Sizhui looks ashamed to be so excited, but his smile means a lot. 

“Exactly. We have been wanting to visit Lanling for a long time so the opportunity is the best.”

“I heard the food is nice, not as spicy as the one Senior Wei likes, but still nice,” Sizhui says with gentle eyes. “And the decorations at night are beautiful.”

“Then we should leave at three and return before seven,” Jingyi hums, knowing by now their Lan schedule can’t be tossed away while Lan Wangji is around. “Would give us plenty of time to spend.”

It’s perfect and Jingyi can see the same excitement and happiness that runs through his own body is running through Shizui’s one, the two of them need a proper date after having their plans falling apart so many times.

“Maybe we could even—”

“Sizhui, Jingyi!” Wei Wuxian’s voice cuts Sizhui before he can continue, having Zizhen and Jin Ling behind him. “I need to hear it from you two, how’s the idea?”

“Acceptable,” Jingyi says with a too formal nod. “A promising Sect Leader we have.”

Jin Ling rolls his eyes, crossing his arms stubbornly over his chest. “You better do things right because I won’t be saving you.”

Their normal banter starts, but Jingyi’s mind, in reality, is flying through the sky at the prospect of having a proper and good date with his own boyfriend, already imagining Sizhui’s giggles and happiness at witnessing what this other town has to offer both.

Unlike other sect leaders, they are offered a room at the carp tower and despite not being proud, Jingyi stays behind to see where Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian go, celebrating they aren’t that close to their room.

How did Jingyi manage to catch the heart of someone like Lan Sizhui?

As he removes his outer robes and  the small headpiece he wears, his eyes stare at Sizhui as he combs his hair and braids it into a long braid he rests on his right shoulder, his forehead ribbon folded neatly on top of his outer robes. The man is breathtaking, beautiful, perfect and to think he saw something in Jingyi makes his heart speed up for several seconds because, really, he’s not as good looking as Sizhui is nor as perfect as he is.

His looks are maybe average, he’s shorter than Jin Ling and Sizhui despite being older than the first one, he’s not as well-mannered as a Lan should be, he’s afraid of ghosts and maybe he had caused him more problems by wanting to fight everyone than giving good things. 

Lan Sizhui is perfect and he’s… he’s just Jingyi.

“What are you thinking, Jingyi?” Sizhui suddenly asks, setting his comb down and turning to look at him.

“Me? Nothing,” Jingyi shrugs, not wanting to embarrass himself or voice out his common insecurities. “Can’t I look at my boyfriend now?”

Sizhui laughs, soft and gentle, shaking his head and patting the spot on his bed next to him. “Lan Jingyi, I know you and I’m sure you’re thinking about something.”

“I’m just annoyed, having a date shouldn’t be this hard!” He complains, masterfully changing his inner struggles. “It is as if the world is punishing us.”

“Maybe it is,” Sizhui frowns, taking his comb to start working on the knots on Jingyi’s hair. “Maybe we should tell Hanguang-Jun and Senior Wei.”

“I have been thinking about it,” Jingyi sighs, closing his eyes. “But… I don’t feel ready, call me a coward, I already know I am.”

Sizhui tugs on his hair a bit in retaliation. “Don’t say such things, I don’t feel ready either. Hanguang-Jun has even more work now, more urgent things to take care of and we will distract him.”

“Yep, that’s my point,” He frowns, yet another thing that makes Sizhui better than him. “I… also think they won’t be happy.”

“Jingyi, you talk as if Senior Wei wasn’t the most hated cultivator in the world,” Sizhui’s voice sounds a bit more stern, forcing him to open his eyes and turn around to look at him. “You know the story, we witnessed a part of it, and now he’s married to the Chief Cultivator.”

“Just because there’s a bad person already in the sect doesn’t mean they will accept another one,” Lan Jingyi is a dramatic and probably dumb person, but he can’t really get rid of insecurities. 

“No one is judging you and you're already part of the sect,” Sizhui raises his brow. “Both my fathers love you and they would never kick you away, we’re not telling them because we don’t want to bother them, not because I’m ashamed of you.”

It warms Jingyi’s chest to hear him saying such things, it soothes his insecurities and pain so much he can only lean closer to kiss the young man as he has been wanting to do ever since they were coming here. He kisses him as he hasn’t done it in a while, his hand holding the back of his head to keep him there until they have to pull back to breathe while smiling.

“I really love you, Jingyi,” Sizhui whispers, hand coming to rest on his cheek in such a tender move that has Jingyi shivering. “Please never think I’m ashamed of you. I want to scream to the world that we’re together and it’s really painful to keep it a secret.”

“One day we will be ready, right?” Jingyi smiles, hopeful. “One day everyone will know.”

Sizhui nods, leaning closer to kiss him again until—

“A-Yuan, Jingyi! Taste this food!”

Jingyi is probably crying as Sizhui walks to open the door and Let Wei Wuxian in.

Tomorrow will be a better day… hopefully.

“We promise to return before seven,” Sizhui says softly, managing to keep his eyes on his two fathers, unlike Jingyi who is considering jumping down the stairs. “Thank you for your recommendations.”

“Of course!” Wei Wuxian grins, resting his hand on his hips. “You two are the pride of Gusu, so you have to do great during the hunt Jin Ling is planning.”

“We need to be humble, Wei Ying,” Lan Wangji reminds him as he squeezes his arm. “Sizhui and Jingyi always do their best.”

“I know, I’m proud of both!” Wei Wuxian continues, Jingyi almost feels bad for lying… almost. “I’m just reminding them.”

“See you tonight.”

With the proper salute, they turn around and enter the flow of people walking down the street, almost mixing with them despite their white robes and swords they keep at their waists. They have to walk further away to make sure the two seniors are away and without the chance of making them think they’re up to something, stopping only when the carp tower looks small.

Lanling is very different from Gusu and it’ surroundings, from some of the people walking around wearing expensive looking robes to the kind of food they sell, but that’s what makes it worth exploring. First, they get to a shop to buy some supplies they can later show at the other two and after making sure they really are getting good things, they leave and head on to check the other shops.

“Even the toys are different,” Sizhui comments, a bright smile on his lips as he looks at the toy he has in his hand. “They look more delicate?”

“Well, the Jin sect has always been known for their money and all,” Jingyi shrugs, shaking the rattle drum. “But the toys you have are better.”

“Hanguang-Jung bought that toy for me after Senior Wei made me look at it and then pulled me away,” He chuckles, a fond smile on his face. “I was crying, Hanguang-Jun scolded him and bought them for me. It was my favourite toy while we lived at the Burial Mounds.”

A part of Jingyi’s heart is weighed down when he thinks that Sizhui had to live in such a horrible place and suffer for so many things, but he ends up getting rid of it because Sizhui talks fondly about those days instead of shivering, so maybe it’s just too different from the childhood he had at the Cloud Recesses with no parents. Sizhui was loved and that’s good.

“I remember when we went to Yiling and you stared at the other butterflies for so long,” He chuckles, reaching to squeeze his hand. “You were so confused back then, but I’m happy everything is good now.”

“I was just having these pictures of something happening that I couldn’t understand,” Sizhui sighs this time, settling the toy he had been admiring down. “I was suddenly feeling incomplete and didn’t know why… but then, everything just fell on it’s place and I was happy.”

”We are happy and one day we will be even more,” Jingyi replies with a grin, picking the toy and paying the man for it to then give it to Sizhui. “Once we let all of this out.”

The way Sizhui holds the toy close to his chest as he nods is as endearing as everything else he does and the smile that sends his way makes it even better. The other boy gets happiness from the smallest things and Jingyi is happy to provide.

Holding his hand securely on his own, he starts to tug him away and towards another vendor before yanking his hand away.

“Jingyi, Sizhui!” Ouyang Zizhen screams, tugging Jin Ling behind him as he runs towards both. “What are you two doing here?!”

“Weren’t you helping your father?” Jingyi almost shrieks as he first points at Zizhen and then Jin Ling. “Weren’t you supposed to be at the carp tower?!”

“I don’t have to give explanations to you!” Jin Ling snorts.

“I was helping him, but we’re done so he let me out before we go back home,” Zizhen hums. “Now that we’re together we should hang around and explore the town before leaving.”

Sizhui is pale, paler than he normally is, hand clutching the toy Jingyi bought for him, for a moment looking lost before he smiles and ends up nodding.

“Of course.”

°°°

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian have a particular story filled with death, despair and pain that lasted for sixteen years, the now love story that endeared Zizhen and make him believe in true love didn’t have a good or romantic beginning, far from it. Jingyi is well-aware of this story as Wei Wuxian sometimes likes to talk about it, so feeling depressed for not being capable of having a proper date with his boyfriend for two months and having only to survive with small and quick kisses and occasional hand-holds was… pathetic.

But the two of them weren’t looking for a tragic story that ended up with pure bliss, they just wanted to be happy, have a more or less normal relationship and just enjoy each other's company and the fact that it wasn’t happening was depressing.

But it was their own fault and that made it worse.

After having their plans constantly blown off by either their friends or their own seniors, both Jingyi and Sizhui started to feel that this could be avoided if they just step forward and say: hey, we’re dating and we’re now going out on a date, so please don’t follow us.

It was terrifying and they spent a long time talking about it while finishing the homework left by Lan Qiren, but they end up agreeing to do it when Wei Wuxian walks inside their room with a new talisman when they were in the middle of sharing an innocent kiss.

Their new plan then goes on to plan on how to tell both Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian, agreeing that just appearing at the jingshi to say it wouldn’t be the best thing. After all, they have been dating for six months now and keeping it a secret for so long may make them feel bad. So their plan is revealing their relationship after a night-hunt Wei Wuxian plans for the four of them.

The case is fairly simple, a bunch of ghosts haunting an old abandoned house that are apparently bringing bad luck for the town. It’s not complicated nor dangerous, the two seniors are more than enough to clean the place and go back without a problem, but something still happens.

“Jingyi… I am scared,” After getting rid of at least two ghosts, Jingyi looks away from the two older men to look at Sizhui, seeing him tightening the hold on his sword. “W-What if I hurt them?”

“Sizhui, no, we’re not going to hurt them,” He says, desperately, reaching to hold his hand and squeeze his hand reassuringly. “They will understand.”

He can’t be sure, that’s obvious, they can’t be sure of what Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian will say once they reveal they preferred to keep their relationship a secret instead of having to deal with them from the beginning. Jingyi tries to be optimistic by thinking they will understand their reasons and won't’ say anything, but he also knows that they can also feel hurt by their lack of confidence. Wei Wuxian in specific was mostly open about what he felt and how he behaved, so it would be natural he expected to receive the same level of trust he put on them.

Sizhui, being the noble and golden-hearted boy he is, was especially worried about what was going to happen. He took this many precautions to keep them happy and focused on their work and he can’t bear to think confessing will have the opposite effect. Right now, he’s shaking and looks way more scared about the idea than the ghosts themselves.

“I just… we really should have told them sooner,” Sizhui, shakes his head, looking genuinely distressed as he starts walking back towards the house. “They will be angry.”

It doesn’t strike Jingyi the severity of Sizhui’s thoughts until he sees a ghost launching itself towards his boyfriend and knocking him off his feet to send him through a wall that breaks with a loud noise.

“Sizhui!” Not really knowing who screams it first, Jingyi runs inside the house after getting rid of the ghost and searching for his boyfriend, finding him curled up into a shiver ball. “Sizhui, are you okay?”

Since the ghost wasn’t that strong and considering the level of cultivation Sizhui has, he’s mostly unharmed, with just a nasty cut on his leg after a broken and pointy piece of wood caught his fair skin after he broke the wall, but he’s crying and that feels like a punch to Jingyi’s gut.

Lan Wangji and Wei Wuxian are there a second later and while both show concern at seeing their son crying, they don’t demand anything and just set to work on checking him to make sure there’s nothing more serious going on. Sizhui does his best to reassure them he’s okay and that he’s only crying because he hit his head and felt so disoriented for a moment he remembered the Burial Mounds and it just brought tears to his eyes. Wei Wuxian lightens the mood by making small jokes and doing his best to distract everyone from the situation, waiting for Lan Wangji to confirm Sizhui is indeed okay and that there’s nothing bad with him to sigh in relief. 

Jingyi can’t even formulate words.

He glues himself to Sizhui’s side, even when Lan Wangji takes him on his back he continues there, doing his best to keep up with the taller and faster man, barely replying to what Wei Wuxian says, eyes fixed on his boyfriend’s face and the tears that at one point stopped.

It is until they’re both at an inn with Sizhui having his leg cured and bandaged that his boyfriend speaks once more.

“I don’t remember my real parents,” He whispers while Jingyi focuses on fluffing the pillow for his leg. “Then my family left to never return back at the Burial Mounds, I just… I don’t want to lose Hanguang-Jun and Senior Wei.”

Jingyi felt dumb for not understanding this sooner, your significant other is supposed to understand and know how to help yet he just minimised his thoughts and tried to comfort him without really knowing why he was feeling so bad.

“Oh, Sizhui, you’re just too sweet,” He whispers as he leaves the bed and moves to hug him. “No one is going to leave you, never.”

“I just overreacted and caused even more problems,” Sizhuis continues, tightening the hold he has around Sizhui’s body. “I’m sorry for ruining everything.”

“You didn’t ruin anything and I’m going to prove it to you.”

With some difficulty and grunting more than what’s necessary, he manages to get the taller boy on his back despite his complaints and worries about hurting him, and walk out of their room, heading to the one where their seniors were.

“Jingyi, Sizhui,” Seeing Wei Wuxian confused about something is not that common, so seeing his lost expression when he finds both standing there it’s a unique and rare occasion. “Is everything okay?”

“Senior Wei, we—”

“We wanted to talk to you and Hanguang-Jun,” Jingyi cut him before he could continue. “It’s important.”

Wei Wuxian frowns but nods, stepping back to let them in. “Lan Zhan, the kids are here.”

Lan Wangji, who has apparently been reading something, looks up from his book, his hair down without his headpiece giving a casual and calm vibe that not many get to witness. He doesn’t say anything, but the look on his eyes lets them know he’s giving them his full attention.

“Well, what’s going on?” Wei Wuxian asks as he sits down next to his husband. 

Jingyi takes a moment to set Sizhui down to stand next to him, keeping an arm around his waist to make sure he doesn’t fall and can lean his body on his to keep him from hurting his leg even more. He’s anxious, heavens, he’s terrified because he knows he’s literally seconds away from being kicked out of their lives, to go from having a family to going back to being alone… but he promised this to Sizhui.

“I’m sorry we’re coming like this,” Sizhui, clearly stressed about the whole thing, starts, but Jingyi stops him again.

“Sizhui and I are dating.”

It is as if a blanket had fallen on top of everyone, the silence and atmosphere in the room feel heavy and mildly uncomfortable. Wei Wuxian is looking at both with wide eyes, Lan Wangji is just sitting there, staring at both with an unreadable expression. Jingyi is getting ready, Sizhuis is close to tears once more.

“For how long?” Wei Wuxian asks using a highly neutral tone.

“S-Six months,” Sizhui replies, eyes going down to the floor.

Silence wraps itself around them once more, that damn suffocating silence that has Jingyi close to passing.

“I can’t believe it,” Wei Wuxian finally says, sighing and shaking his head. “Lan Zhan, I’m losing my touch.”

“Your touch?” Jingyi wheezes, not understanding what in the world they mean.

“Yeah, I always thought I was good at noticing this kind of things,” He pouts, Lan Wangji glances at him, unimpressed. “But I didn’t notice you two were dating for six months!”

“Wait,” Sizhui says, sniffling and cleaning his eyes as he takes a small step closer, forcing Jingyi to take one as well. “Y-You’re not mad at us?”

“There’s no reason to be mad at you,” Lan Wangji says while his husband seems to be having an emotional breakdown. “Sizhui, Jingyi, you two are adults and your life is yours. No one else has the right to get angry.”

“W-We didn’t want to bother you,” Sizhui sniffles. “I trust you with everything I have, but I was scared of bothering you.”

“You silly boy,” Wei Wuxian says with a soft smile, standing up to wrap his arms around Sizhui. “As Lan Zhan says, there’s nothing to apologise for! You two make a great couple.”

“Are we?” Jingyi can’t hold it back any longer, staring at both with wide eyes. “Don’t you hate me for dating Sizhui?”

“Why would we hate you?” Wei Wuxian frowns, letting go of his son to look at him. “Jingyi, we have known you for a long time, Sizhui knows you almost for his whole life, why would we hate you?”

Yes, Jingyi was well aware that his thoughts were borderline pathetic. His average looks and not typical Lan personality weren’t a bad thing, he was still a dedicated and smart student and a strong cultivator, a good person… but hearing it from someone else shakes his world even more.

“I-I don’t… I don’t really know.”

“Jingyi,” Lan Wangji says, forcing him to look up at him. “I trust Sizhui is happy with you.”

And hell if that’s not the best compliment anyone could receive from the Chief Cultivator. He’s well aware how much the man cares for Sizhui, so trusting him to anyone else it’s just the biggest thing he could give to someone.

“And we trust you two will make each other happy,” Wei Wuxian hums, pinching Jingyi’s cheek and laughing when he rubbed it with a glare.

Of course, they don’t mention anything about not being told sooner, they don’t have a single complaint. Wei Wuxian teases the life out of them while Lan Wangji regards both with a fond expression, telling both way more things than actual words could say. Everything is great and it makes both of them feel so…

Dumb.

“We really should have told them sooner,” Sizhui sighs as he leans back on Jingyi, the tip of his fingers playing with the surface of the cold river.

“Definitely, but not for the reasons we thought,” Jingyi snorts, resting his cheek on Sizhui’s shoulder. “Now we only have to tell those annoying three.”

“Jin Ling will tease you for the rest of his life,” Sizhui laughs softly. “Zizhen may recommend us a thousand novels about love.”

“I’ll just kick Jin Ling until he shuts up,” Jingyi squints, kicking the air as if Jin Ling is really there. “And run away from Zizhen.”

“When that has worked for you?”

“Sizhui, you’re supposed to give more ideas, not crush the ones I give!”

With a louder laugh, the other boy ends up leaving the water and turning around to pull Jingyi in for a kiss, lacing his fingers with his’. He smiles when he pulls back, stares at his face as if he suddenly turned into the most valuable thing in the world for him.

Lan Jingyi suddenly realises he is that for Sizhui, he was not average or just someone, he was his boyfriend and they both meant the world for each other.

“So many wasted dates,” He complains softly, keeping Sizhui’s hand still on his own.

“I know,” Sizhui chuckles once more, nodding. “But now I’m sure we will have better ones.”

Jingyi swears that’s how it is going to be.