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When Loki met Tony, everything seemed to fall into place. They clicked in a way Loki had never experienced with anybody. They had the absolute best time, and it made Loki forget how they’d met. Or rather, how Tony had met him.
Loki, from a young age, had never understood the distinction between “men’s clothes” and “women’s clothes” and when he was older, he realised that sometimes he felt like a man, other times he felt like a woman, and some days he felt like neither.
He had been a woman when he met Tony. He hadn’t been in a dress or wearing a brassiere, but he’d been feminine in makeup and clothing that day. They’d been at a club, the lights were low and Loki’s voice naturally became higher when he felt like a woman.
Loki had only realised when he came home and looked in the mirror that he’d been... female to Tony.
They’d flirted, they’d exchanged numbers and they had a date for two nights in the future only... Loki was... not a woman. Physically. He was a man with a cock and a flat chest.
Loki might be attracted to any gender, (although he had always fallen more frequently for men; something that rarely worked in his favour) but there was no guarantee Tony would feel the same way.
Tony was sweet, charming, funny and handsome. Loki genuinely liked him and Tony had seemed to like him too, but would that all change when Tony discovered Loki’s anatomy was different then he’d believed?
Loki had stared down at his phone for the better part of an hour, trying to decide what to do. Should he break the news over text? Had Tony known all along and hadn’t cared? Would Tony care? Would he cancel their date?
They’d spoken at the bar for almost three hours; they’d even found somewhere quiet to talk and get to know each other. Loki had never spoken so easily to someone in his life.
It could be more mortifying or painful in person, but Loki didn’t know if he could say it over text. What would he even start the message with? Just to make sure, you are aware I’m anatomically male, aren’t you?
Loki hadn’t been able to send a message explaining things that night, or the next day, when Tony texted him a cute picture of a snake with the message ‘Saw this little guy and remembered your freaky defensiveness of serpents. You’re still weird but I like it.’
Loki had instantly smiled and fired back; ‘Snakes are beautiful and deadly, you philistine.’
‘Oh, so you like them ‘cause they’re like you? ;P’
Loki’s smile had grown at the compliment. ‘I hope you can flirt better than that, Stark.’
‘You know I can. How else would I be lucky enough to score a date with you?’
Loki sucked in a breath, his fingers hovering over the keys. It was the perfect chance to bring it up and confirm Tony knew what he was getting in to but... but Loki was a coward deep down. He didn’t want to risk losing Tony yet.
He would tell him on the date, at the very beginning. It was easier to explain these things in person. Things could be misconstrued and confusing over text. It was better for both of them to do it face-to-face.
Loki let out a careful breath and typed back, ‘Sometimes even the hopeless need to be pitied.’
‘You wound me, Lokes!’ was sent to him, followed by a broken heart emoji.
Then, a few moments later; ‘Just see if I bring you any flowers!’
‘A saving grace, I’m sure. I doubt you would know a chrysanthemum from a marigold.’
‘I know the rose. That’s the important one.’
Loki sniggered. ‘Oh, Tony. You have a lot to learn.’
‘Then teach this padawan what I need to know, oh WISE one.’
Loki could hear the sarcasm, but he still chuckled and begun his reply back. He completely forgot why he was worried about the date as he continued to talk to Tony, imagining the other man’s smiling face and warm brown eyes.
Loki remembered the problem on the day of their date as she stared at her wardrobe; one half was her feminine side, the other masculine while the middle bridged the gap in between. The worst part was that she felt like wearing a dress and she’d never ignored her feelings before.
She cursed herself thoroughly but went with what felt right. She wore a green dress with black lingerie and did her makeup, styled her hair... and stared at herself in the mirror, feeling for the first time in her life like the liar people had accused her of being in the past.
Her family all understood, and while she was angry at Odin for many things, the fact that he’d never once cared about what gender Loki felt like being or what clothing she wanted to wear, would always be something Loki was grateful for.
The rest of the world hadn’t always been so kind to her.
Loki knew that if Tony was from the same stock of asshole that she should guard herself for it now. She should be ready to wash her hands of the man. Yet, Loki was desperately hoping it wasn’t the case.
She loved talking to Tony; it was the highlight of her year to have met the man. Surely it was about time something went right for her in the romance department?
Loki barely resisted nervously running a hand through her hair not wanting to have to restyle it again. She pulled on her jewellery with trembling hands before she picked up her keys, made sure everything was in her purse and headed out the door to hail a taxi.
They’d agreed to meet at the restaurant and Loki was hoping that would minimise the chance of a scene. She also didn’t want Tony knowing where she lived if things turned... sour.
The restaurant was only fifteen minutes from her house and she could already see Tony waiting eagerly. He was in well fitting, casual jeans and a shirt with a jacket thrown over. He looked lovely and Loki sucked in a fortifying breath as the taxi pulled over. She paid the driver and stepped out of the car and towards the man.
Tony had been glancing around absently, but his face lit up when he saw Loki. A small part of Loki had been hoping he might look startled, that he might ask, ‘why are you wearing a dress?’ as if maybe he’d known all along that Loki was a man.
“Wow, Lokes,” Tony said when he reached her. “I thought you couldn’t improve on my memory, but it seems I sold you short. Also, I know you said no flowers, buuut,” he reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a bookmark with flower designs, “I figured I couldn’t go wrong with this.”
Loki laughed and reached out, taking the bookmark with a smile. They had argued for a good hour about the difference between e-books and hard copies. Tony was staunchly in the digital camp while Loki had a small library in her apartment.
“Well, it seems I sold you short too,” Loki said softly, “it seems your choice of flowers were not a disaster.” She looked up from the bookmark. “Thank you, Tony.”
Tony looked thrilled. “You’re welcome, Loki.”
He then turned and held out his arm in a gentlemanly fashion. Loki rolled her eyes but reached out and took the offering. Loki was only in small heels but their height difference was pronounced when they walked side by side.
Tony only looked amused and he quipped, “Good thing my mother always taught me I should look up to women and not down at them.”
Loki froze and sucked in a sharp, painful breath. Women.
Tony was not oblivious to her reaction and they stopped moving towards the restaurant. “Loki? Are you okay?”
“I...” Loki trailed off and swallowed. She looked down at the bookmark still in her hand. This is wrong, her mind hissed, you need to tell him.
“I...” she started again, but didn’t get anywhere, not when a group were exiting the restaurant just in front of them, laughing and talking with one another.
Tony seemed to realise the problem as he gently directed them to walk further down the street. The light was dimmer but she could still clearly see Tony’s concern as he moved to stand in front of Loki.
“What’s wrong? Did I do something?” Tony looked genuinely distressed and Loki shook her head.
“No, you didn’t,” she answered, her voice rough. She pulled back so that they weren’t touching. “Tony I... you met me at the club and I was...” She touched her hair nervously, wanting to run her fingers through it, but settling for tugging on a strand. “Do you... do you know what genderfluid is?”
Tony blinked a few times in rapid succession, but Loki didn’t let him answer before she ploughed forward, “I’m a man, anatomically, but I... change. I dress to reflect the way I feel each day, whether that be a woman or a man or... neither.”
Loki’s eyes had fallen away during her explanation and she couldn’t bring herself to look back up, she stared instead at the bookmark. It was such a simple gift, but it said so much about Tony and how perfect and loving he would be if he was your boyfriend.
God, she’d only just met the man but Loki wanted him, that - this so fiercely.
Loki was so prepared to lose even this small chance with Tony - to leave without dinner and go home with nothing but pain and regret as she stripped out of the clothes that had lost her another prospect for a relationship.
Only, she felt a hand tentatively touch her own and she jerked up her eyes to find Tony smiling gently.
“Thank you for telling me that,” Tony told him. He then squeezed Loki’s hand and said, a little sheepishly, “I’ve never dated someone who’s genderfluid before. You might have to let me know if I do anything you don’t like.”
This time, it was Loki’s turn to blink rapidly. “You still want to date me?”
Tony frowned in confusion. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Because I’m...” she gestured at her lower half. “And you thought I was...”
Tony’s eyebrows rose as Loki fell quiet, and a smirk tugged at his lips. “I’m pansexual, babe; your equipment is going to look good to me, no matter what kind it is.”
It took a moment for the words to sink in, and then Loki breathed, “Oh.”
It was followed by a delighted laugh and before she could stop herself, she wrapped her arms around Tony and hugged him tightly. She just felt so elated. Loki could laugh or cry, maybe dance around the street and scream her lungs out.
Tony didn’t care what her gender was. He still wanted to date her.
The man’s arms wrapped around Loki and he lightly begun to stroke Loki’s back and murmur soft, soothing noises. Loki didn’t even realise she was shaking and breathing roughly. It took her a good minute before she was able to pull herself together and let Tony go.
Her eyes were dry which was a blessing since she hadn’t ruined her makeup, but she felt acute embarrassment as she brought her gaze to Tony’s, but he just gave Loki a soft smile. It showed understanding.
Tony took her hand and squeezed it. He softly coaxed, “Come on, Lokes. We’ve got a reservation we’re late for and I’ve been waiting all week to take you out.”
“Liar,” Loki rebutted, her voice still a little rough. “It’s been two days.”
“It’s felt like a lifetime,” Tony persisted as he gently tugged Loki towards the restaurant.
He smiled the same, he teased Loki the same, and he looked at Loki like there was no one else he wanted to have at his side.
The last of Loki’s tension and worry evaporated to be replaced with fresh happiness and shy hope.
It was still early and it was only their first date, but maybe Tony Stark truly was the perfect partner he’d been searching for.