Work Text:
“Are you actually going to New York?” Derek is looking at Casey intensely, like whatever she says next is going to either kill him or release him, and it’s her that has that power. They’re driving home together from her grandmother’s lodge, and there is tension between them. Which isn’t exactly unusual, considering it’s been building since they got home from Disney World a few months back.
(It stems from when they made out furiously as the fireworks were ending in the most romantic moment of Casey’s life. It’s been featured in her dreams pretty heavily ever since. And no, it's totally not the reason she's been so distracted the last couple of months of high school completely blowing off every guy who tries asking her out, nor is it the reason she finds herself staring at Derek at every single meal or why she has been purposefully experimenting with her look. His winks and suggestive comments mean nothing! NOTHING!)
(Derek getting accepted into Queens also did not completely thrill her, and the whole "brother-step-brother- same difference" thing is not stressing her out and sending her mind into overdrive. So what if she made a pros and cons list the minute they got home? There shouldn't even be such a list associated with Derek.)
(.... but there's at least five in her diary written.)
Casey clutches the steering wheeling, grateful she has an excuse to not look at him. He waits patiently, knowing she is on the verge of panicking in one of her typical spazzy ways. He starts humming to a random tune, even daring to change the radio station to one he knows she can't stand while he waits for a response.
“There’s a lot to consider,” Casey finally answers, which is not what Derek wants to hear. She can hear him taking in a short breath of air, slowly exhaling as the radio plays the latest song of the summer. “I need to make a pros and cons list when we get home.”
She doesn’t have to sneak a look over to know Derek is rolling his eyes.
“Fine, let’s do it right now.”
“What?” She takes a quick glance over, surprised to see a very serious expression on his face. He reaches into her bag, ignoring her protest of “hey!” and pulls out a notebook and pen. “What are you doing?”
He flips a fresh page open. “Writing down a pros and cons list, duh.” He sends her a shameless smile. He writes down two main columns, broken into two smaller ones for Queens and New York. “First con right off the bat for New York? Being away from the family.”
She concedes that point, but counters it with, “But my dad is in New York, so that’s a pro. I’d be able to live with him.”
Derek huffs. “Fine, yeah. Pro. But keep in mind your dad works a lot, so how much time will you really be spending together?” He writes that under the con sub-column for New York. It’s annoying that he’s correct.
“Okay but New York is only a short flight away from home, so everyone can visit whenever they want.”
“True,” Derek chews the cap of the pen and Casey makes a mental note to throw it out later. “But that’s too much a hassle, and expensive. New York is very expensive in general too.”
“Pro for Queens,” Casey adds after a minute of thinking. “I’ll be going to one of my dream schools and getting to attend classes under some of the best professors in the country.”
He shoots her an incredulous look. “That’s the next pro you come up with? Not,” his voice changes to a breathy tone, “‘I get to see my really hot and talented step-brother play hockey’?”
(Always that emphasis between them.)
Casey flushes. It’s one of the first times Derek is openly referring to their mutual attraction since their last family trip. They’ve done a really good job at pretending it never happened, except for when she dumped Truman finally and Derek insisted on taking her out to celebrate. . . and of course Emily majorly freaked out when Casey told her the story… but then again, it was rather suspicious when her best friend hadn’t looked surprised.
He continues, “You’ll get to exclusively wear my jersey and be the envy of every girl on campus, Case. And I’ll take you to the hottest parties to balance out all the studying you’ll no doubt make me do. You can leave some of your keener rep behind being by my side.”
It’s a tempting picture he’s painting with his words.
Casey clears her throat. “But what about dance? New York is an insane opportunity. Like, once in a lifetime kind of opportunity”
He begrudgingly writes that down as a pro for New York. Derek would never make her feel bad if she did pick New York instead; hell, if an NHL team wanted him to skip college he would. But there’s another major con for New York he hasn’t yet verbalized.
“Yeah, okay, but you’ll have to spend a lot of time with that Jesse guy,” he scoffs, adding the guy’s name to the cons column.
Casey laughs. “How is that a con? I could argue that’s a pro!”
“Case,” he sighs. “Admit it, he’s in reserves off to the side. Why call him into the game when there’s a first-string player already on the ice?”
Leave it to Derek to use hockey slang to talk about their relationship. They were entering dangerous territory. Casey didn’t answer him, slowing down as the lanes of the highway merged into one up ahead.
“I’m not saying to not go to New York,” Derek fills the silence with more words that make her heart beat faster. “But if you did, maybe think about - uh,” he stuttered over his words. F-f-feelings were hard, dammit. “Telling Jesse it’s complicated already with someone and -”
“Derek,” Casey interrupts him, smiling a little bit. “I already did.”
“Wait what?” The pen in his hand falls to the floor, forgotten.
“I told Jesse that even if I go to New York, there’s someone who's already stolen my attention. He was pretty gracious about it.”
There’s a road service up ahead, so Casey changes lanes and pulls into a bustling parking lot in front of a mini food mall. It’s only once she’s safely parked that Derek actually reacts to her little news.
“So, hold up,” Derek scrunches his face in thought. “When did you tell him that?”
“Right after the dance,” Casey takes out the car key and plays with it in her lap. “I’ll be honest Derek, I did like him a bit. It would be a lot easier too if I felt more towards him, but..”
“But,” Derek waves his hand impatiently for her to continue.
“But unfortunately I seem to keep replaying that kiss of ours in my head and it’s ruining my life.”
“How’s that unfortunate?” Derek looks offended. “Casey, we both knew when you said ‘what happens at disney stays at disney,’” he finger quotes with both hands, “that was complete bullshit.”
She glares at him. “Der-ek, it’s not okay for us to be like this towards each other, I mean come on Mom is about to have a baby with both our DNA and we’re going to cause a family crisis if we give in to whatever this is between us!”
“Hate to break it to ya Case, but it seems like you’re already giving into it if you’re turning down a guy who’s interested so you can be complicated with me, whatever that means.”
The whole thing is frustrating. Casey meets his eyes, letting him take her hands into his. It’s reassuring to feel his thumb stroking her palm in soothing little circles. She wanted a chance to be Derek and Casey, she really did. It’s hard to be honest with herself though. With him.
“Casey, we’re both leaving home in less than a month. Either at Queens together or you in New York. The point is, we’re not kids. We can literally be just Derek and Casey in a few short weeks, and no one will even know our background if we don’t want them to.”
“You make it sound so simple,” Casey sighs, biting her lip. His eyes flick down briefly, his Adam's apple bobbing.
“Family could be complicated,” Derek admits. “But between us? It doesn’t have to be.”
Thick tension surrounds them, heavily suffocating. He’s waiting for an answer, a yes or no or maybe, and Casey wants to say yes so badly. But she’s hesitant, for good reason. How would their parents react? Would they disown them? What if people from their old school found out, would that cause problems for Edwin and Lizzie?
“You’re doing that spacey thing again,” Derek tapped her nose. “I can literally see steam leaking out of your ears.”
She smiles weakly. “I can’t help it,” she shrugs. “I know what I want to say, and I’m pretty sure you know it too.” She squeezed his hands. “I just need time to think.”
Derek groans, “I swear if you’re planning to make a pros and cons list about us-”
“No,” Casey rolls her eyes. “Trust me, been there, done that.” She ignores his little of course you have and edges a bit closer into his personal space, though the seatbelt is restricting her movement. She clicks it off, temporarily letting go of his hands to do so. “Any cons I have about us have nothing to do with us and everything to do with our family, okay? I just need to get used to the idea before…” she trails off, looking intently at him. “Before we give us a try of some sort.”
He nods in understanding, tugging her a bit closer to his side of the car. “If we do this,” he warns. “It can’t be a half-hearted attempt. If we get found out or we decide to share with the family, and they react badly, I’m still all in. I won’t be running away from any problems.”
It’s rare to see a vulnerable and truthful Derek, but it makes Casey all the more conscious of what a huge step it could be if they really do this. She pecks his lips, catching him by surprise. She lingers, hovering while Derek catches on and kisses her back enthusiastically for a brief moment.
Casey speaks first when they pull away. “I need time,” she reiterates. “And I don’t expect you to put your social life on pause while I think it over… If.. if your feelings haven’t changed when I finally get a clue, well,” she gulps, her voice shaky with emotions. “Then you’ll know where to find me.”
“What country will that be?” Derek tucks a loose strand of her hair behind an ear.
“I’m not sure yet,” Casey looks down at her lap. “But you’ll be the first to know when I do.” She pauses, smirking and looking back up at him.
"What?" He warily asks.
"Even if I do end up at Queens... I'm still dorming."
"Aw, Case! Come on..."
She sticks her tongue out, giggling when he kisses her playfully.
Then Derek’s stomach growls loudly. Casey laughs at him, grabbing her bag.
“Come on, let’s get some food before getting back on the road. Mom and George are going to wonder where we are.”
Derek grabs her hand, intertwining their fingers casually as they walk inside and Casey pretends to be cold from the aircon, just so that he puts an arm around her as they wait to order fast food.
It feels like happiness.
+
(Casey goes to Queens.)