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Shouto had very mixed emotions about movie nights with Izuku.
On one warm hand, he got to spend time with Izuku. He loved nothing more than just being in his presence. Any time with Izuku was amazing in Shouto's eyes. Movie night was no different. He treasured every Sunday night he'd spend with Izuku in his room.
But on the other cold hand, Shouto wasn't sure how much he could handle. He loved being with Izuku more than anything in the world, but Izuku was touchy. And with the whirlwind of emotions that Shouto desperately tried to shove down every time he saw Izuku, the way he rested so close to Shouto was dangerous.
It was dangerous just how warm Izuku felt when he leaned against Shouto. It was frightening how Shouto had to focus on his breathing when he got so close. It was nerve-wracking how difficult it seemed to keep a deadpanned expression on his face. It was alarming the amount of self-control it took not to lean back into the touch.
And as Izuku flipped a coin, Shouto knew tonight would be no different.
"Heads!" He smiled. "Low budget horror movie it is!"
Shouto nodded his head. He had no idea why Izuku would throw horror movies into the mix when they scared him every time. Shouto was hoping that choosing a low budget would make him not cling to him so much.
Izuku put the movie on his laptop to full-screen. The two of them got under their own separate blankets with their drink of choice. Shouto took a quick sip of his strawberry milk and set it on Izuku's nightstand. Izuku held onto his cherry soda with both hands, sipping it with care. Shouto absolutely adored whenever Izuku would do that. He'd always have both hands on a drink, sipping with care whenever he was listening intensely to someone or something. It was the cutest thing.
The title card played on the screen. It probably would have been a little unsettling if Shouto couldn't see the jagged edges on the pixels of the blood spatter around the turkey.
"What is this movie again?" Shouto asked. The Japanese subtitles answered, but didn't do much help.
"Thankskilling," Izuku replied. "Based off an American holiday and... an evil turkey," he said. Todoroki nodded his head. The first second of the film played and Shouto immediately covered Izuku's eyes. With the split second of what he did see, Izuku was already burning up with blush, trying to cover his eyes as well.
The man yelled something in English. The subtitles graciously explained his words in Shouto and Izuku's mother tongue.
'Nice tits, bitch!'
"What did he say?" Izuku asked from behind the three hands shielding his eyes.
"It's best if I don't repeat it," Shouto said. Once the scene changed, Shouto gave Izuku his eyesight back. Izuku shifted his weight as he got readjusted to the brightness of the screen.
Shouto felt a warmth press against his left side. Glancing down, Izuku was leaned up against him, eyes fixated on the screen. Shouto swallowed hard, keeping his eyes straight ahead.
This was the hardest part of movie night. Pretending that there was no problem with Izuku so close to him. Pretending that he wasn't losing his mind as the scent of his shampoo barely wafted itself into Shouto's nose. Pretending that his touch didn't make his skin buzz with an electric sensation that made Shouto want to pull Izuku even closer and see if his lips were truly as soft as they looked.
Regulating his temperature was second nature to him. He did it subconsciously and only ever really became a problem in two scenarios. Whenever he was sick and his quirk would go haywire and make him burn/freeze up. Or when Izuku got this damn close. He felt so hot, and it was a chore to make sure he cooled himself down before Izuku noticed.
This also came with a balance. Too much and he'll get cold or accidentally—
"You okay Todoroki?" Izuku asked. Shouto followed his gesture to his right hand. The top of it glistened as the light of the screen bounced off the tiny ice crystals. Shouto set his left hand over the crystals, getting rid of them immediately. He cleared his throat and looked back to the laptop.
"Yeah, I'm alright," he said. His mind quickly scrambled for an excuse as to why his hand would frost up at a time like this. Shouto decided to just leave it at that. He was alright. This was fine. He wasn't mildly panicking at the thought of having Izuku so close, so dangerously close.
It happened every time. Shouto should be used to it by now. But he wasn't. He wasn't used to the feeling of Izuku's warmth pressed against him. He wasn't used to how Izuku would hang on him when he was tired. He wasn't used to how touchy Izuku was.
Because Izuku was something special. A treasure that could never be devalued. Every flaw of his only made him more beautiful. His freckles seemed to keep count of all his amazing qualities for Shouto. He'd do anything to be able to kiss each and every one of them. Shouto wondered how long it would take. Not that he minded the thought of kissing Izuku's cheeks for an extended amount of time, but because he wanted to know how much time he'd be allotted. How much time he had the privilege of spending kissing Izuku.
Izuku's laugh snapped him out of his thoughts. He glanced at the screen but missed the joke. He wasn't sure how much time he spent simply staring at his freckles, but it was enough for him to be completely lost in the movie.
The movie was terrible. Shouto was sure that even if he wasn't distracted by the beautiful hero in training right next to him it would've made no sense. Izuku exited the full-screen view and turned to Shouto with a smile.
"What did you think?" Izuku asked.
"I didn't understand it," he replied. Izuku laughed a little and looked back at the screen.
"It was really bad, but it had a couple of golden moments," Izuku said. Shouto nodded his head. Izuku let out a loud yawn as he rested his head on Shouto's shoulder. "I'm so tired."
Shouto's eyes widened at the gesture and his brain short-circuited a little. Is this how Denki felt when he overexerted himself? So static minded and shock struck? Izuku quickly pulled his head away and rubbed his cheek.
"Ouch, Todoroki. Are you sure you're okay? You're burning up," he said, holding onto his red cheek. Todoroki took a deep breath and tried to get his quirk under control.
"Yeah, I'm okay," Shouto insisted. He cleared his throat with a sort of anxiousness that was hard to mask. Izuku nodded his head. "I should get going. We need to rest."
"Hold on," Izuku interjected before he could get up. "You should sleep over! You're already in your pajamas. And I know the movie was stupid and all, but it still was a little scary. I don't want to sleep alone."
Izuku smiled awkwardly as he waited for Shouto's answer. Shouto wouldn't consider a t-shirt and sweatpants pajamas, but he could sleep in them. That's if he can even sleep with Izuku so close.
He already knew how this sleepover was going to go down. It was going to go down just like the last couple. Shouto would volunteer to sleep on the ground, Izuku would insist that wasn't necessary and he could sleep on the bed, and Izuku would be close.
He'd be so close to Shouto because it's a small bed and Izuku is touchy. The way he made contact with Shouto without a care or second thought was maddening to the heterochromatic student. He didn't seem to mind that they were so close, it didn't bother him. Shouto wasn't sure he was going to survive.
"That sounds nice," Shouto replied. "I can sleep on the floor if you'd like."
Izuku profusely shook his head. "You won't even sleep. Trust me, it doesn't bother me at all." He shifted to the side closer to the wall and patted the bed next to him. Shouto stared at the hand next to his thigh and chewed on his lower lip.
It didn't bother Izuku, but it definitely bothered Shouto.
It bothered him to think that Izuku could lay so close to him and not think twice about the effect. It bothered him to think that Izuku was completely fine when he rested his head on Shouto's shoulder. It bothered him to think that Izuku wasn't bothered.
"Thank you, Midoriya," Shouto said. Izuku nodded his head and smiled that beautiful smile that never failed to warm Shouto's heart. He settled into the vacant side of Izuku's bed and tried desperately to calm his nerves. Settling into the bed, he rested his head on the blue pillow beneath him. He watched as Izuku got settled next to him. Izuku's green hair was scarily close to his, making the situation all the more nerve-wracking.
"Todoroki?" Izuku asked in a whisper. Shouto hummed his response as he waited for the smaller hero to continue. "Do you ever just... think about someone for hours on end? Hoping they think about you the same way?"
Shouto looked up at the ceiling weighing his options. He could fly under the radar by saying no, but maybe, just maybe, this was his way of reaching out. Or maybe Shouto was being a complete hopeful idiot and over-analyzing a general question.
"Yes," Shouto replied. Izuku hummed and rolled on his side to face Shouto. The heterochromatic hero closed his eyes and took a shallow breath, hoping to maybe sleep off these foreign feelings in his chest.
The feeling was the farthest thing from gone when Shouto woke up.
He woke up to a mess of green buried in his chest as he held his arms around it. He felt his face heat up, which could only mean one thing.
He tried to cool himself down before his overbearing temperature woke up or burned Izuku. After a couple of minutes of struggling, he sighed and waited for the alarm to go off.
He gingerly tried to take his arm off of Izuku. He'd be uncomfortable, Shouto thought. He took a deep breath, ready for this sweet Hell to be over with.
Soon enough, the alarm sang out. Izuku groaned into his chest. His arms pulled away from Shouto's body, leaving him feeling unnaturally cold. Shouto got up and watched Izuku stretch and whine. Shouto smiled at the sight of the freckled hero being so adorable without even trying.
"Cute," he muttered to himself.
Izuku opened his eyes and sat up. "Good morning Todoroki," he smiled. He rubbed his eyes as he yawned like a kitten.
"Good morning," Shouto replied. "We should go down. I'm pretty sure they're already cooking down there."
Izuku nodded his head and rolled out of bed. The two of them walked down the hall and into the elevator.
Making their way out, they saw Eijirou and Katsuki already making breakfast. Denki and Mina tried to help only to be shunned by Katsuki as he held the kitchen tools above their heads. They were finishing up and just starting to plate when Ochako walked down with Tsu, both looking like they had only woken up seconds ago.
As Shouto and Izuku sat side by side, Shouto notices how crooked and almost revealing Izuku's oversized shirt was.
"Midoriya, you might want to fix your shirt," Shouto muttered. But Izuku didn't respond. Shouto followed Izuku's gaze to be met with Ochako talking with a couple of the other girls. And honestly, how could he not stare? She was beautiful and sweet and caring. All the traits that Shouto lacked. Of course, he'd be encapsulated by the mere sight of her.
Shouto awkwardly shifted in his seat, wondering if he should intervene. He but the inside of his lip, glancing between Izuku and the brunette that captured his attention. After what seemed like years, Shouto cleared his throat.
Izuku jumped a little and turned to Shouto "Huh?" He asked. His face turned cherry red as he put on a pathetic smile to cover up the fact that he was fawning over Ochako from a distance.
"Uh, your shirt. You should fix it," Shouto muttered. Izuku looked down at his lopsided shirt and tidied it up.
"Right, thank you, Todoroki," Izuku smiled. The blush on his face soon began to calm down as they waited for Bakugou and Kirishima to finish up.
The telltale 'Breakfast Boom' as Denki dubbed it, went off.
Some gave a small flinch as the explosion in Bakugou's hand went off, drawing all attention to him.
"Get your own damn plates," Bakugou called out. Everyone did as they were told as they all gathered at their tables.
Shouto had seen Izuku mesmerized by Ochako's smile number out times now. But that didn't mean that it didn't cause any less of an ache in his chest every time he watched it happen.
Perhaps he was just naive at first. Not understanding why these foreign emotions erupted from his chest whenever his skin would brush up against Izuku's. Not understanding why he felt like he was going to (and sometimes did) burst into flames when Izuku voluntarily got so close to him. Not understanding the bitterness that he felt towards Ochako for simply existing.
Shouto thought he did a good job pushing every emotion down to his core. He thought he was good at making sure that anything other than his stone-cold facade was hidden away. Because that was how Shouto would always get hurt. He would cry in front of his father and get called weak. He'd get angry and get hit.
Vulnerability was a luxury Shouto couldn't afford. Especially not with how Izuku made him feel.
Shouto thought he did a good job hiding his emotions. Keyword being 'thought'.
"Are you alright, Todoroki?" Tsu asked one day after class. Shouto piled all his books and watched as the last few students filed out to go to lunch. Shouto nodded his head as he caught the back of Izuku's and Ochako's head side by side.
"Yes," he muttered. Tsu rested her index finger against her chin, analyzing Shouto's expression.
"Are you sure?" She asked. "You've seemed a little down and bitter these past few days."
"I'm fine. Thanks for your concern, Asui," Shouto sighed. Tsu looked down at Shouto's hands.
"Is it because Ochako has a crush on Midoriya?" Tsu asked. Shouto stopped dead in his tracks. He chewed the inside of his cheek, suddenly hating how observant Tsu had always been.
Because no, Shouto was not that observant. He didn't know that Ochako had a crush on Izuku. He was always too focused on the way Izuku looked at Ochako to even think about turning his head to see how she stared in return. He was too busy wishing that Izuku would look at him like that.
"I wasn't aware she had a crush on Midoriya," Shouto mumbled. "Either way, I don't see how that relates to me."
"I always thought it was a little obvious that you had a crush on Midoriya, but nobody else ever seemed to pick up on it," she said. "You've just been seeming more vitriolic whenever Ochako and Midoriya are close to each other."
Shouto grimaced at the thought of other people knowing about his untamable emotions that seemed to be much more noticeable than he had hoped. The last thing he wanted was for the news to get back to Izuku and have their friendship ruined.
With each stare, each smile, each longing gaze, it became more cemented in his mind. Izuku had a crush on Ochako, not Shouto.
Tsu's words hurt. Whether she meant them to or not, they created an aching in Shouto's chest. The type where it felt like a dull squeeze. Squeezing so slowly that the heart being compressed felt like it was phasing out of existence, only leaving a hollow space in his chest. Tsu just said it how it was. It shouldn't have hurt Shouto so much. It was just a simple truth. But it did, it hurt really fucking bad.
"I always seem bitter," Shouto mumbled. "I don't need your psychoanalysis to know that. I'm going to lunch."
The second the words left his tongue, he knew they were a little too harsh for the conversation at hand. But he couldn't bring himself to apologize. Not when she already knew how vulnerable he was. The last thing he wanted was to be even more vulnerable, or God forbid confirm her theory.
Shouto had no problem keeping his emotions to himself. He'd been doing it for years now.
Nothing made his heart flutter more than the feeling of Izuku wrapping his arms around him or leaning against him or playing with his hair. But that was just Izuku. Izuku was touchy.
Every time Izuku gets close enough to touch, Shouto felt a little bit of hope swell in his chest. The hope that maybe Izuku felt what he felt when they're so close. Maybe Izuku also hoped that every ringing notification was from Shouto. Maybe he also got irrationally excited when Shouto initiated conversation or complimented him.
But a little bit of that hope would die when Izuku would get close with other people as well.
Shouto sat down with his soba next to Izuku, who was now sitting in between him and Iida. Tsu and Ochako sat across from them. Izuku stared at Iida with hopeful eyes.
"Iida, will you please take over dinner tonight for me? I'll take your Wednesday in return," Izuku begged. Iida sighed and smiled.
"Of course Midoriya, I'd be happy to help," Iida replied. Izuku squeezed Iida in a hug with a smile that could put the sun to shame.
"Thank you so much!" Izuku exclaimed. After a couple of seconds too long for Shouto's liking, they broke the hug. Of course, Izuku would hug Iida over a favor like that. That was how he showed gratitude. Izuku just loved to hug people because Izuku was touchy.
It really shouldn't have bothered Shouto. Izuku was touchy with everyone. But when it came to Ochako, he was flustered. When she got close, it was like his entire world was shaken up. Izuku's face would turn red and couldn't look her in the eyes. Sometimes, she even got the same way. Shouto would like to think that if he hadn't practiced his poker face his entire life then he might have been the same way. So visibly flustered and red-faced around Izuku. How could he not be?
That was one thing he liked about Ochako. She could also see how amazing and beautiful Izuku was.
A couple of classmates were congregated in the common area. Shouto sat on the couch with Denki on the other end. On the other couch, Izuku was leaning against Eijirou who seemed mildly unsure of what to do. Mina sat in the third occupied spot as Sero was sprawled out on the floor for some ungodly reason.
Shouto couldn't even keep his mind on the conversation at hand. He was too busy looking at Izuku. His shimmering eyes stayed on Denki as he spoke. His cheek was slightly squished as it was pressed up against Eijirou's shoulder. He looked absolutely adorable and Shouto wished that it was him that Izuku cuddled up against.
The devil must've thought he was hilarious as he made Shouto's thoughts into a reality.
Katsuki walked into the room and immediately locked eyes with Izuku. Eijirou gave an awkward smile to the blond as he walked up to them.
"Deku, go sit somewhere else before I blast your ass straight to Recovery Girl," Katsuki growled. Izuku scrunched his nose as he got up from the couch.
"Whatever, Kacchan," he groaned. "Todoroki enjoys my company."
Shouto couldn't quite hide his expression as well as he would've liked to when Izuku sat and leaned up against him. He couldn't quite cool his right cheek fast enough to hide the blush. Because from the other couch, Mina, Katsuki, and Eijirou definitely saw the look on his face.
He saw the look of realization on Katsuki's face. He saw the look of apology on Eijirou's. He saw the glance of pity on Mina's.
Shouto awkwardly cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. Katsuki muttered something as he took Izuku's former spot of cuddling up against Eijirou.
The glances were too much. The contact was too much. He didn't appreciate the thought of giving himself away more than he already had, and he appreciated the pitiful glances even less.
"I do enjoy your company, Midoriya," Shouto muttered. "But I have to go."
Shouto quickly got up and left Izuku to fall where Shouto once sat. He got a couple of goodbyes and tuned out Izuku's protests.
He raced to the elevator and pressed the button for the fifth floor. He took a deep breath as he watched the elevator doors slowly close. He let his breathing calm a little as he watched the world outside the elevator disappear.
The serenity was short-lived as a hardened hand refused to let the elevator door closed. The elevator doors reopened and allowed Eijirou to waltz in. The doors came to a complete close and the elevator began going up.
"So, Midoriya, huh?" Eijirou asked. Shouto bit the inside of his lip, not fully sure how to respond. "I can see why you like him. He's real manly."
"Why did you follow me?" Shouto asked.
"Right, straight to the point," Eijirou chuckled. "I wanted to know how long. Maybe give you some pointers. I think you two would be an awesome couple."
Shouto thought about his options. On one hand, Eijirou could go behind his back and tell everyone about his stupid feelings. But he didn't seem like the type. He had always been extremely loyal, and Shouto could appreciate that. It did seem nice to maybe get a couple of words of advice. He must know something, being so charismatic and somehow taming the angriest blond Shouto had ever seen.
"I'm not sure what to do," Shouto muttered. "At first it was manageable. But he's just so... touchy. It's driving me insane, every time he touches me, I can barely regulate my temperature. I feel as though it's quite obvious he doesn't... like me... in return. But I still can't help but be infatuated by the mere sight of him."
"Aw, that's super cute," Eijirou teased. Shouto rolled his eyes and held back a scowl. "I don't know, by the looks of it, you might have some competition. But I'm totally rooting for you. I think if you tell him with even half the passion you expressed when you told me he'd swoon."
Shouto nodded his head. "Is that how you got with Bakugou?" He asked. Eijirou awkwardly laughed.
"Not exactly," Eijirou chuckled. "He uh, he jumped from his balcony to mine one night and said if I didn't kiss him right then he was going to blow something up. Couldn't really say no to such a bold approach. To be fair, I was thinking something similar throughout the entire conversation leading up to it."
"Interesting," Shouto muttered. "What if he says no?"
Eijirou paused. "There's no doubt that Midoriya wouldn't end your friendship over that. He values you as a friend too much, I know that. The worst-case scenario is he says he doesn't like you back and you stay friends. It'll suck, but it's better than bottling up your emotions."
Shouto grimaced. "Right," he muttered. The elevator doors opened and Shouto got off on his floor. Eijirou waved him off as he pressed the button for the first floor. Shouto went over what he was going to say in his head over and over again.
For Izuku to say he liked him in return seemed like a dream. But the way Eijirou talked made him think that maybe, just maybe, it was possible.
"Midoriya, I think you're an amazing person. You're so sweet, kind, beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful. I like you," Shouto said.
Shouto grimaced at his own words. Hearing them over and over again made them sound weird. He promised himself he'd do it yesterday, and the day before that... and the day before that. But today, he'd do it.
He walked out of the bathroom and continued to clean up dinner. He went over the words in his head. He waited way too long. He was going to say it by the end of the night no matter what.
He put the last of the dishes into the cabinets and locked eyes with a sudden movement across the common area. He watched as Ochako sprinted up to a group of girls.
She said something completely unintelligible from where Shouto was standing. Naturally, he walked closer to hear.
"Oh my god, I'm so happy for you girlie!" Tooru squealed.
"Hell yeah, so proud you finally got your man," Kyouka chuckled.
"I told you he'd say yes. You and Midoriya will be so cute together," Momo smiled.
Mina squealed and hugged Ochako, who was too elated for Shouto to even begin describing. As Mina broke the hug, her eyes wandered and locked eyes with Shouto's. The look of happiness on her face quickly faded to pain and pity as she stared at Shouto.
The heterochromatic hero bit the inside of his lip, begging for any control over the situation at hand. He headed for the elevators, not wishing to sit and watch Ochako giggle and float with ecstasy.
The familiar taste of blood soon flooded his mouth, giving him the signal to stop biting. He replayed the scene before him. He replayed the scene in his head, remembering just exactly where Ochako had run from.
It dawned on him that she had run from the elevators too late. He was faced with Izuku, who was muttering and laughing to himself. He quickly locked eyes with Shouto. With a huge, stupid grin he ran up and grabbed Shouto by the shoulders.
"Todoroki!" He yelled. He covered his mouth either his own hand for a second before speaking a little softer. "You won't believe it! So I've liked Uraraka for a couple of months now and she just told me she liked me! Oh my god, I'm so excited I don't know what to do right now!"
He immediately pulled Shouto in for a hug. Shouto stood in complete silence. He didn't hug Izuku back, but it didn't seem like he noticed. There was nothing Shouto could bring himself to do. Just stand there and replay Izuku's words in his head. He had liked Ochako for a while now. Her, not him. And now they'll probably be in a relationship soon. Izuku will be dating Ochako, not Shouto.
"That's great," Shouto said. He cleared his throat and tried to play off the fact that his voice shook more than he had ever expected it to. "I'm... really happy for you."
"Thank you, Todoroki. I'm just... this feels like a dream come true!" Izuku smiled.
Izuku was touchy. And that was shining bright at the moment. In this hug, Shouto would normally be trying to calm down the heat that was overpowering his right side. But now? He just felt so cold. Like a barren tundra overtook his chest and every small gust of wind was a bitter reminder that his heart just shriveled up and died.
"I'd hate to cut this short, but I need to finish up some work," Shouto muttered.
"Oh! Right! Yeah, that's okay," Izuku smiled. He ran towards the common area and stumbled to a stop before turning. "We're still on for Sunday movie night?"
Shouto nodded his head, fearing that any words he might have said would've immediately betrayed him. He sighed and walked into the elevator.
History repeats itself all the time. So Shouto shouldn't have been so surprised when Eijirou stumbled into the elevator right before its close.
Eijirou flashed a sympathetic smile Shouto's way. "I uh, I overheard the girls. By the looks of it, you did too," he said. Shouto looked down at his shoes.
"I'd rather not talk about it," Shouto muttered. Eijirou nodded his head in understanding.
The rest of the elevator ride was silent.
Shouto thought back about what he could have done differently. What he could have done to avoid standing outside of Izuku's door at one in the morning on a Saturday night.
He knew he wasn't asleep. His light was on and he could hear the occasional sounds of pen clicking. He contemplated just turning around and going back to his dorm room multiple times. Tokoyami already shot him a couple of curious glances as he went in and out of his room in the past hour.
The past couple of days have been Hell. He would purposely only get to class right before the bell ring so he didn't have to see Izuku and Ochako so close to one another. Eijirou, Mina, Tsu, they'd all look at him with sympathetic eyes as they caught him purposely avoiding the two lovebirds at any given time.
After an hour of debating, Shouto knocked gently on the door. He heard the telltale light thump of footsteps that lead to the soft opening of the door in front of him. Izuku's face lit up as he locked eyes with Shouto.
"Hey, Todoroki!" He said. "What brings you here?"
"Uh, something's been on my mind for a while now," Shouto muttered.
"Everything alright? Do you want to come in?" Izuku asked. Shouto shook his head.
"No, I'll make this quick," Shouto muttered. "I know you and Uraraka just got in a relationship. Believe me when I say I'm happy for you, but..."
Shouto's mouth lay slightly shape as he tried to force the rest of his speech out. Izuku tilted his head, waiting for him to finish.
"I think... you're beautiful. You're amazing. I like you. I just needed to get that in the open because it's been messing with my head for a while. Anyway, congratulations on your relationship. I'm going to go to bed," Shouto muttered.
He turned to make his escape. He felt his throat begin to ache as his eyes stung ever so slightly. Why the fuck did he feel like this? What fucking right did Izuku have to make him feel every emotion he did?
"Todoroki wait," Izuku said. He gently grabbed Shouto's wrist. Shouto sighed and turned to face Izuku.
"I... I think you're an awesome friend, Todoroki. And... I'm flattered that you think of me like that. I'm sorry that I can't return your feelings. And if it's okay with you, I don't want anything to change between us. I really like you as a friend, and I want to stay friends," Izuku said. Shouto nodded his head, too afraid of letting a tear fall from his own words.
Izuku offered his arms. Against his better judgment, Shouto accepted Izuku's offer and hugged the freckled hero. He focused on the small details of the floor to try to ignore the fact that it felt like his heart was shattered somewhere else on the floor.
The two of them said their goodnights and Shouto walked back to the elevator. Shouto was too tired. Tired of staying up night after night and fucking himself over with false hope.
The second he got into his room, he let a few tears fall and passed out.
He watched Izuku flip a coin. He analyzed it in the darkness of the room that was only illuminated by the laptop on his bed. "Heads," he smiled. "Comedy it is."
Izuku put on a movie as the two got settled under their respective blankets with their beverages of choice.
It was hard not to admire the way Izuku sipped on his cherry soda with two hands. The simple action that usually made his heart flutter and cheeks burn a little only made his throat ache and chest tighten in pain. The movie came on with its terrible title card that was funny in its own way. Or at least Shouto thought it was supposed to be funny. Izuku giggled, Shouto couldn't bring himself to.
Shouto tried so damn hard to keep his eyes on the movie. But time after time, he'd catch himself staring at Izuku's crooked hand or his freckles that seem to glisten from the light of the screen.
Halfway into the movie, he felt a warm weight leaning onto his shoulder. He stiffened up for a second before sighing and trying to calm his nerves. He leaned into Izuku's touch.
Shouto selfishly leaned into Izuku's touch all the time. But this time it was different. This time, it hurt. It felt like his heart was being crushed under the bitter weight of rejection. The touch was mocking his feelings and he hated every second of it.
Shouto sat up straight and shifted away from Izuku. The greenette turned to Shouto with concern. "Are you alright, Todoroki?" He asked softly.
Shouto locked eyes with the screen and pursed his lips. "I shouldn't be leaning on you like that," Shouto muttered. Izuku smiled.
"Oh, it's okay Todoroki," Izuku smiled. "I know you don't mean anything by it. Really, it doesn't bother me."
"But it bothers me," Shouto stressed. The smile dropped from Izuku's face. "It bothers me that you... that you don't feel it too. You don't feel it on your skin and that bothers me."
"I... I don't understand what you're saying," Izuku muttered. He looked so confused, maybe even a little hurt. Shouto tried to swallow the aching lump in his throat. He could barely comprehend the words that were coming from the computer, but he didn't care. He hadn't cared about the movies for months now.
He set one hand on Izuku's shoulder and another he used to gently cup his face. Shouto rested his forehead against Izuku's. He stared into Izuku's eyes that went wide from shock. Everywhere they made contact, he felt a little buzz of excitement. As if his skin was ecstatic to have the privilege of brushing up against Midoriya Izuku's.
"Do you feel it?" Shouto asked, practically begging for an answer. "The buzzing? The excitement? Anything?"
Izuku's expression turned to something of pain. He sat there silent for a second before taking in a small breath. "I'm sorry, Todoroki," he whispered.
Shouto pursed his lips as he looked down. He gingerly took his hands off of Izuku and pulled away from him. "You don't feel it. I know it's not your fault, but it hurts nonetheless," Shouto muttered.
He turned away from Izuku to quickly wipe at some tears that dared to form. His throat and chest and stomach were killing him. He felt like his insides were being wrung out and ripped apart. "I'm sorry, I need to leave. I need to take time to think," Shouto muttered.
"Todoroki, hold on. Can we please talk about this?" Izuku asked.
"Another time. I'm not upset with you. But I want to be alone," Shouto said. He kept his head down and eyes to the floor, refusing to let Izuku see how close to crying he actually was. "Goodnight."
He didn't get a reply as he closed Izuku's door.
As he stared at the elevator in front of him, he couldn't hold it in anymore. With a shaky breath, the pain and heartache he endured over the past week all spilled out of his eyes as his entire being shook in sorrow. Each sniffle screamed and begged for someone to comfort him in the darkness. The second story of Heights Alliance only seemed to amplify his soft sobs of heartbreak. The elevator was cursed. Nothing good ever came of the elevator.
He decided to take the stairs to his room.