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Every time the sun comes up shining on the white snow and illuminating her room, Rangi wishes for warmth. She wishes Kyoshi were laying beside her. The only white being the face paint she never could take off by herself. How she wishes to be holding a washcloth and taking care of her. The lack of warmth went further as cold anxieties filled Rangi. Is she eating enough? Is she even attempting to keep herself safe? How can I live with myself if I’m not there to protect her? Every day without her only made the miles between them grow longer.
Rangi longed for Kyoshi long before their kiss at the lake’s shore. The many years of hoping for Kyoshi to love her in the same way finally became her reality. She only had her in arms before she slipped away from her like the grains of an hourglass. Her anxious thoughts coalesced into anger with herself. What if she confessed her feelings to her before all of this? She always pushed Kyoshi away when Kyoshi tried to protect her. Her weakness felt so apparent it brought her to tears once she fled from the situation. She needed to protect someone she saw as so precious and one who deserved every bit of protection after the pain she had been through. Tears welled in her eyes, and as they began to fall Rangi reached over to her trunk. She pulled out a tattered piece of Kyoshi’s robe that she grabbed before heading up to the North Pole. She held it close and for a moment, the faint smell of Kyoshi still lingered. The tears flowed even more. “What if I can’t remember what she smells like? Or her beautiful face?” Her eyes were clenched tight as she curled up into a ball. She wished she could be a turtleduck to hide from her worries in her shell.Some time passed, and she slowly unfurled. She sobered up as she was trained to do at the academy. Insecure still, she reminded herself that she is a lieutenant; a strong and capable woman who can carry out her orders.
Rangi’s mind wandered back to Kyoshi, now sans the spiraling trappings of regret. She lingered until she wanted to figure out the first moment she knew she loved Kyoshi? The moment she and her mother arrived to Yakoya, she was taken aback by Kyoshi’s appearance. Most were, but Rangi did not care about her height, the constellation of freckles across her face, the furrows between her brows as she laughed alongside Kelsang, and a laugh so rich it could rival a tsungi horn. She stood in place in awe so long that Hei-Ran grabbed her to continue to their rooms in the palace. All she thought of was how she wanted to be her friend. The introduction to Yun was only a hazy memory as she continued to scan the room for Kyoshi.
No, no that’s not it…
The memory of the first feeling came back. Rangi and Kyoshi were on a walk in the grasses outside of the palace so early that the moon still hung low in the sky. She was so tired and couldn’t remember why they were up. It was her birthday, and she just wanted to be back under silk sheets. Her trance was broken when Kyoshi grabbed her wrist and said, “Let’s go!” Kyoshi who had never seemed self-assured or anything more than demure was bold and outgoing. She looked unburdened by her pain for the first time since they met. Rangi couldn’t keep up with her, the awe she had was just like the first moment she had seen her. The next thing she knew she was in Kyoshi’s arms going further and further up the hill. At the top, they met Kelsang and her mother on Pengpeng. Rangi’s heart was racing. What was going on? Hei-Ran only said, "it’s a surprise". Kyoshi was still holding her in her arms as she fell asleep.
When she awoke she was laying in a field of flowers. Kyoshi was sitting next to her, seemingly waiting for her to wake up. “Can you tell me what’s going on now?” Kyoshi’s face twisted into a crooked smile and she cheekily said, “Maybe.” A few moments passed and Kyoshi continued, “Kelsang had brought me here a long time ago, shortly after they found Yun since he’s from a nearby village. The flowers here are called Panda Flowers, they only grow in the Earth Kingdom at the ridge of a volcano. People say since they are so rare and beautiful that is an expression of love. I couldn’t buy you anything for your birthday because… " Kyoshi trailed off in her shame. She continued, "I asked Kelsang to bring us here, so you could feel all the love I have for you. When I was a little girl in Yakoya, no one looked at me. If they did it was just a scornful look when they found me hiding in an alleyway. I was a pariah. I was unwanted. There are few people in this world who see me as a person, as Kyoshi. Really just you and Kelsang… You walked into the palace and you saw me…” Kyoshi began to choke out the last few words as she was fighting back tears, “and I felt wanted. Thank you for being my friend. I love you.” Kyoshi’s tears fell on the flowers beneath them. Rangi felt so warm. She felt something more for Kyoshi, but she couldn’t figure out what it was. She did know that she was overwhelmed with feelings. She blurted out, “I love you so much.” She almost went white with anxiety for saying it teary eyed and with a warble in her voice. She punched Kyoshi right in her shoulder, in a typical Rangi fashion, and said, “Thank you for this, I love your friendship too.”
She didn’t know what had really happened at that moment, but it was when she knew that she had to do everything to protect her.