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Armin shifted the bags they were holding to the other hand and turned to Mikasa. They were walking out of Forever 21 and back into the main mall area, then say down by a fountain that had coins littering the bottom. Mikasa shoved her reciept in the bag that held the shirts and dresses she just bought. She tried to get armin into this silky plum dress while in there, but any sort of higher fashion was way out of Armin's league. It was also way too expensive of a style for this jobless, genderfluid, high school junior. They had been a little luckier earlier when it came to the clearance racks at Pac Sun, though.
"Hey, Armin, I'm gonna go down to Pretzel Time to see if I can change my hours I'm working next week. Any food requests?"
"Plain pretzel with cheese I guess."
They watched Mikasa walk away towards the north side of the mall. Armin sat for a second and decided to go into Claires. They had some time to burn and Mikasa seemed almost allergic to super girly stores like that. Gathering their bags and fixing their skirt, they walked down the stretch of mall towards the store. They hoped they had some flower crowns for an okay price. Armin was rounding the corner into the store when a mass of glittery pre-teen girls ran into them. Shit they're rubbing against them. Will they notice that they're missing some "things"? Shit shit. They've passed now, going off about some boy named Zac. Okay, still good. Heart still beating fast, Armin strolled into the purple, sparkly alcove, and began looking around. They went towards the back wall that was stacked floor to ceiling with hair accessories and tried to find something cheap.
They found this really cute burlap headband with flowers on it hidden behind a bunch of other headbands on the $2 rack. They slid it on their head and looked up in the mirrors that circled the ceiling of the whole store. Dang, flower crowns are cute. Armin adjusted thier hair, which had started to bunch up in the back, then saw someone enter the store. Shit. Their boyfriend as of 2 weeks, Marco Bodt, who they really liked, but hadn't come out to yet about the genderqueer thing. They froze with their hands on their head and started to panic panic panic shit was were they going to do they really didn't want to ruin this he was so cute shit shit think gotta think gotta...
Okay, breath. Think. Okay, they hid the headband behind some bookbags to come back for later, and checked in the mirrors where Marco was at. Okay, by the earrings with a little girl. Probably the little sister he mentioned a few times. He's so cute, going into Claires with his little sister to get earrings. Stop. Focus, Armin. You have to get out of this store without him seeing you, which should be tricky, since he's close to the front of the store, and they're stuck in the back. They should be able to easily slide around and go through... or not. The hoard of pre-teen girls came back and were surrounding this lip gloss rack, blocking Armin's exit path. They can still get out of the store, but now they have to pass right by Marco and his sister. Shit, he's gonna have to come out to him soon, just not now, not while they're wearing a skirt and makeup. Very soon. Not now. Gotta get out of the store now. Armin took a deep breath and started walking up around the back of the small store. Why did it have to be so small and cramped? They tried to use their hair to hide their face. Coming up closer to Marco. They started walking faster. They were so close to the exit, then they could go down to Pretzel Time, where wonderful, beautiful Mikasa was getting food. Armin picked up their pace, which was the worst decision they have ever made, because they barreled right into Marco, who was turning around. Armin lost their balance and fell down, right in front of him. Shit shit shit shit shit shit. Marco leaned down to help them up, of course, "I'm so sorry, I should of looked where I was... Armin?"
Shit shit shit. Armin immediately got up and ran out of the store. Tears in their eyes, they saw bathrooms about a store down. They rushed into the girls' bathroom, and locked themselves in a stall, earning a few strange looks from the middle aged women washing their hands. They sat down on the toilet seat, and put their head in their hands. It's over. Marco is going to leave them. Psh, did they think that they could actually get away with this for long? So stupid. So stupid. So. Freaking. Stupid. It was a good 2 weeks while it lasted, at least. They're going to have to explain to Eren and Jean why they aren't dating anymore. It seemed so perfect at the time. Eren and Jean were dating, which everyone was happy for, since it meant they were getting into fights anymore. Jean's best friend was Marco, and Eren's best friend was Armin. They set them up with each other and it took off from there. Marco was so perfect. He was polite and outgoing and really really cute. He had gorgeous brown eyes and so many freckles and was tan and stood with his head held tall, so opposite of Armin. Always so happy and polite. He listened to Armin ramble about things they learned from books and class, even though they probably didn't understand half of what Armin was saying. He invited them to come over for dinner next week to meet his family too. Now it's all ruined. All because Armin was too worried they'd ruin what they had with Marco. Well they did anyway. Armin messed up again, like they always do when they act like themself.
Armin finally wiped their tears and unlocked the stall. They walked up to the mirror and saw the mess that was their face. They turned on the faucet and ran their hands under the cold water. They brought it up to their face to help get rid of some of the redness. Armin hoped MIkasa wasn't back yet. They didn't want her to worry. Eren and Mikasa had to worry over him too much anyway. They got a paper towel to dry their face, when they felt their phone go off in the pocket of their skirt.
From Marco: Mind coming out of the bathroom?
They gripped the phone while leaning against the sink, probably getting the seat of their skirt wet. They'd have to go out there sooner or later, so better to brace themselves. Armin turned around to face the mirror and saw the trails of grey their mascara left behind. Luckily, their purse was over the shoulder, so they kept it on and with them the entire time. They pulled out some make up wipes, mascara, and cherry lip gloss and got to work. After 2 minutes of prep, they were facing the exit. All it took was to push open the door and then they would see Marco. Why did they redo their make up if they're just going to cry again after Marco tells them they don't want to date anymore? It was a stupid move. Should they really even go out there? It's just going to be bad. Armin could survive in here until the mall closed. There's water, toilets, and they have some gum in their purse to hold them over. It could be done. Just as Armin was seriously considering staying in the bathroom, the door swung open, nearly hitting them. The woman who opened it apologized to Armin, but they weren't really listening. Instead, they were looking at Marco, who was sitting on a bench outside the bathroom, waiting for Armin. There was no going back and hiding now. Armin shuffled over to the bench and sat next to their boyfriend, looking at their fidgeting hands on their lap, instead of at their boyfriend's face. They weren't sure if they could handle looking at them.
They sat in awkward silence for a moment, until Marco said, "Why did you run off?"
Because they messed up. Because they didn't want to lose their boyfriend. Because they couldn't be a 'normal' boy.
"I was afraid."
He shifted more towards them, "Why in the world were you afraid?"
"Well, most people who saw their boyfriend in Claires dressed as a girl would typically run in the other direction."
"Well, not to sound too cliche here, but I'm not like most other guys."
Armin laughed a little at that, especially since Marco gave an adorable little smile with it.
After another, much lighter moment of silence, Armin finally said what had been sitting on his shoulders since they got together, "Well, I think you already sorta guessed this, but I'll tell you anyway. I'm, um, this thing called genderfluid. It means that sometimes I feel like a boy, but sometimes I feel like a girl too."
"I'm happy you finally told me. I wish it wasn't in a way that you didn't want, but I'm glad it happened. So, um, just for future reference, what pronouns do you like, and who else have you come out to, so I don't accidentally tell anyone?"
Armin thinks they're actually in love. How did they get the most considerate and immediately accepting person to like them back? It might help that Marco wasted as much time on tumblr as Armin did, but it still takes a special kind of person to be, so, well, kind.
They finally looked up from their hands to look at their boyfriend, who had the most loving look in his eyes. It pushed Armin on to continue, "Well, I usually like they and them, but you should probably still use he and his when we're around other people. Eren and Mikasa are the only ones who know right now. I should probably come out to Jean too soon, since he's around with Eren a lot."
Marco just reached across and took Armin's hand in his, rubbing slow circles with his thumb over the top of their hand. They could feel the unsaid words of care and understanding through the strokes of Marco's thumb. They still weren't sure how he was able to communicate so clearly with people, since they were a stuttering mess half the time. Armin leaned into Marco's arm more, craving the simple touch, feeling more relaxed and at ease in their skin with each passing minute. Eventually, Armin found their voice again,and started telling him everything. How Armin never really felt completely like one of the guys, but thought it was only becase they were weaker. How they would sit and play with Mikasa's makeup kits she got as a little girl, while Eren just played Super Mario on his DS. They had always felt a little off, and it all made sense when they read this book, where the main character, Hanji, wasn't a boy or a girl. It turned wheels in their head, and after some research, they found out about people who were genderfluid. They were ecstatic that there was a name for it, but then afraid because so few people would probably know about it. A few weeks later, Armin was able to buy some old dresses at a thrift store, which they only wore in their room. It felt good and right. About a year ago, they finally came out to Eren and Mikasa. Eren was a little skeptical at the idea at first, but Mikasa gave him the either-stop-being-stupid-or-I'll-punch-you look, and instead he clapped Armin on the back and offered a rematch of Mario Cart. Mikasa was more actively helpful with them, which was one of the reasons she offered a mall day with Armin today.
Armin feels so much better after finally telling Marco everything. They should have done that a lot sooner. Marco hasn't said anything the entire time, letting Armin say everything they needed to say. After it was all done, they sat in silence, letting it all settle in. Armin checked their phone for the time, and saw that Mikasa left a message.
From Mikasa: take all the time you need with marco. call if you need me.
"So, you were probably in Claires for a reason, I'm guessing, before I showed up. Wanna head back in? I'll pay."
Armin was suddenly very very grateful for the people in their life, and in this sudden rush of happiness, grabbed and kissed Marco. It was sweet and tasted like Armin's cherry lip gloss and perfect, just like the boy they were kissing.
"Yeah, let's go."