Chapter Text
Adrien lie awake late at night. It had to be at least half-past midnight, perhaps it was later, he hadn't checked the time in a while. He sighed, exasperated. What was the point of sleeping if he'd only dream of a girl who kept breaking his heart?
Adrien's eyes shot open. Just as he was about to drift to sleep, Ladybug's smile came into view. Her beautiful, shining, vibrant smile, the one that made his heart stutter. The same smile that she had when she talked about the boy she loved.
When she slipped up and said his name, saying that she was the boy she loved, his heart skipped a beat. A couple weeks later, when he found out she was Marinette, he had come to her balcony and revealed himself.
He thought she would've been happy. He thought she would've hugged him or smiled at the least, but instead she looked at him, unshed tears shining in her eyes as she said,
"I'm sorry... I have a boyfriend."
Of course she did, it was only a matter of time. He knew Luka liked her, that was obvious, and he had thought she liked him back. But when he found out that it was him keeping Ladybug from Chat Noir, then found out Ladybug was Marinette, he thought that maybe everything would be fine once he revealed who he was.
But that was wishful thinking. He should've known my then, he had bad luck.
He turned to his side, glaring at the city lights outside his window.
He'd tried again, asking if they could talk things out. But she never replied to his texts, and she always hurried away when he'd join her, Alya, and Nino at school. He thought that maybe she was busy, and that's why she's never answer his calls or texts. Because, why else would she ignore him?
One night, when he'd gone to clear his head, he found her outside on her balcony, curled up in a ball with her blanket cocooning her. He'd walked over, closer, and picked up on some sniffling. He'd asked her what was wrong, but all she did was keep her gaze away from his. He tried again, and when she looked up at him, he wanted to act on impulse and wrap her in a hug. But he controlled himself, and let her reply, a small smiled that didn't reach her tear-filled eyes on her lips,
"I'm fine."
He knew she wasn't, that much was clear. She wasn't very good at lying, her eyes darting away from his immediately. Even so, he'd perfected the fake smiled and had rehearsed the words, "I'm fine," over and over again as he grew older. She wasn't fine, he knew that, but as she stood and went inside her room, her back to him, he stood frozen, rooted to the spot.
He didn't know if he could've done anything. She had a boyfriend, wouldn't she talk to him? And there was Alya too. And would it be too intimate to hug her tight, rubbing circles in her back, and whispering to her that it as all going to be ok?
Looking back on it, he regretted that he hadn't said or done anything else.
Another image flitted through his mind. Marinette and Luka ice skating together, Marinette looking completely flustered.
Adrien sprang up, sitting up straight in his bed. Was this the definition of insanity?
He groaned, walking to his piano and plopping down on his seat in front of it. He placed his hands on the keys, not bothering to care if it was close to two in the morning. Slowly, lightly, his fingers moved playing familiar chords and keys, playing a melody he'd learned long ago. As he played he sang softly, a song that seemed to be the perfect description of what was happening. As he sang the last bit of lyrics, he was appalled to hear his voice break and falter.
"Go ahead and break my heart again
Leave me wonderin' why the hell I ever let you in
Are you the definition of insanity?
Or am I?
Or am I?
It must be nice
To love someone who lets you break them twice."
He felt the hot, angry tears slipping down his cheeks steadily. How long had he been crying? His body shuddered, a sob stuck his throat. He wanted to scream, to yell into the night. He wanted to have no regard for anyone or anything. He wanted to have no responsibilities. But most of all, he wished that there was no such thing as heartbreak.