Work Text:
Nine.
Jonghyun bitterly smiled as he watched nine sunflower petals make their way towards the drain.
It was a pleasing sight. Watching the petals disappear one by one, flushed down and gone to wherever they're going.
Somewhere they’ll be forgotten.
Somewhere they’ll forever be gone.
He wished his feelings were the same. Maybe if he could just flush his affections and turn them into nothing more than those petals—then his life would be easier.
He wouldn’t need to wake up in the middle of the night, coughing, as if someone were choking the air out of him. He wouldn’t need to run towards the bathroom to spit a bunch of flowers—and even better, he didn’t need to die.
Die.
Jonghyun chuckled mirthlessly.
He couldn’t believe he was going to die just because his heart chose to love a certain dumbass.
“Hey, you okay?”
Speaking of the fucking dumbass. Jonghyun wiped his mouth and opened the bathroom door. Glaring at his dumb and oblivious bandmate who was looking at him worriedly.
God. Jonghyun wanted to sock him something fierce.
It’s annoying—despite the way Minhyun was worriedly staring at him, all Jonghyun could see was how his bandmate’s face looked so bright, so fucking warm, so inviting and sweet. Then again, if Jonghyun could choose a flower to symbolize Minhyun, it would be a sunflower. Bright, warm, and radiant just like the sun. Exactly like how Minhyun is.
“As if it matters to you,” Jonghyun couldn’t help but snicker as he washed his face. It was unfair. So fucking unfair that Minhyun looked at him with worry, as if he actually cared. With the amount of sunflowers that he had been throwing up? Minhyun obviously didn’t care about him at all.
Yet Jonghyun couldn’t stop the little hope that whispered lies in his mind as he glanced at Minhyun and saw the way his fox-like eyes stared at him with utter worry.
It was so unfair, how Minhyun acted as if there could be something more. How each look Minhyun gave him could mean something more. And it’s not only that, but the way Minhyun, as always, didn’t take his words to heart but instead looked at him with understanding. As if he understood the pain. As if he could feel his pain.
And maybe that’s why.
Maybe that’s why he was suffering from hanahaki.
Because although he knew Minhyun wouldn’t reciprocate his feelings, Minhyun had always been there.
Minhyun was like the sun—always there whenever his days were gloomy. Always warm, and always ready to put some sunshine in the rain.
And Minhyun too, was like the moon. He was always there in his darkest days, but unlike the sun that would overpower the darkness with its light—Minhyun would just be there. Just sit next to him, give him a pat on the back, a squeeze of a hand, and sometimes, a can of beer.
That’s how Minhyun was for him. He was his “in good times, and in bad times”. And that’s why despite the many times he told himself that his feelings were stupid, that Minhyun—the bigheaded dummy—was a pain in the ass to love—literally, with the pain that he had to suffer through with puking—in the end, he knew that it’s was all worth it.
Even if his feelings might never be returned.
Even if it meant that he'd die.
It was all worth it.
Minhyun was worth suffering for.
It was hilarious. It was stupid. Jonghyun knew that. But if a certain person came into your life, bringing joy, laughter, and all those rainbows shit—wouldn’t he be worth dying for?
After all, a love like that only comes once.
“Stop looking at me like that,” Jonghyun hissed. And while he glared at Minhyun to stop looking at him as if he were dying (he was), the way his voice didn’t hold any bitterness or grudge changed the worry in Minhyun’s face into a smile.
“Can’t help it,” Minhyun whispered, passing him a bottle of water. “You’re my best friend, after all.”
Jonghyun rolled his eyes and took the bottle as they began to walk back to where their bandmates were.
He would be lying if he said that hearing Minhyun tell him that he was his best friend didn’t hurt.
But then again, wasn’t that the reason why he chose to not do the surgery?
Because he’d rather suffer than ruin their friendship and lose these feelings that were slowly killing him?
He glanced at Minhyun and snickered. “Best friend my ass.” It was a joke. One that Minhyun understood too well. And one that brought a wider smile to Minhyun’s face, knowing that he was fine and back to being his normal assy self.
“Yet, the one you couldn’t live without,” Minhyun teased back, nudging him on the shoulder.
“Sadly,” he replied with a chuckle. He heard Minhyun hum as he began to sing the song that they’ll be playing today. Jonghyun laughed when Minhyun sang the wrong lyrics again. “Can't believe I'm puking flowers for this dumbass."
“What?” Minhyun asked, not catching what Jonghyun said.
“I said, just stay pretty like you always do, dumbass.”
“You don’t mean that,” Minhyun pouted.
“I actually do,” Jonghyun replied, tugging at Minhyun’s hand. “Just stay pretty and happy, Minhyun-ah, that’s enough for me.”
“And stay healthy and happy for me, Jonghyun-ah,” Minhyun smiled, intertwining their hands. “That would be enough.”