Chapter Text
Chuuya has been looking forward to this weekend for what feels like forever.
In reality, it’s only been a few weeks, but he’s been wrapped up in his summer internship. The days flow together, seamlessly blurring into one another. To Chuuya, it’s like he’s been waiting for this weekend for eternity.
He really wants to blow off some steam and get to spend time with his boyfriend, Shirase. He hasn’t gotten to spend a lot of time with him lately and he feels guilty about it. They haven’t really gotten a chance to do things as a pair yet, since they only just started dating right before summer began.
Then Chuuya had unexpectedly been offered this summer internship last minute and he’d have been a fool not to take it. Shirase had been supportive of the decision, though Chuuya isn’t sure either of them realized the extent of the work load or how much of Chuuya’s summer would be eaten up. But now summer is coming to an end and so is his internship.
His last day is tomorrow, followed by a big company event Saturday evening to celebrate all of the interns making it through. It’s slated to be a fancy, kind of upscale banquet type thing at a local restaurant. Chuuya’s heard it’ll be a really good networking opportunity with some of the big wigs. If he plays his cards right, he may even land a job offer in the industry. That’s the most ideal outcome, but the competition is fierce, not just between all of the interns he’s worked with all summer, but also between anyone vying to get their foot in the door.
He’s also heard that afterwards it’s tradition for the interns to move the party to a nearby bar where things really liven up and everyone can truly let loose after their stressful summer. Chuuya could really go for that right about now. He’s bringing Shirase with him, their first official event together that isn't dinner and drinks with friends. The thought of it has kept Chuuya going these last few weeks.
He finishes up for the day, throwing his bag over his shoulder when his phone vibrates in his pocket. He pulls it out and scowls at the screen.
[mackerel]: busy later?~
if you’re the one asking then yes very busy Chuuya types back a quick response, sliding his phone back into his pocket. That’s another person he hasn’t had a lot of time to see the last few months.
Dazai.
Dazai is his...friend? Best friend? Annoying guy from class three years ago who hasn’t left him alone? Chuuya would like to opt for the latter. Somehow, despite not having a lot of time (or energy when he does have the time) to see Shirase or Dazai, he found he’s actually seen more of Dazai this summer.
He attributes that to Dazai being akin to a cockroach. Persistent and always in places he doesn't want him with the uncanny ability to stay despite Chuuya’s best efforts to make him disappear. Dazai’s constantly showing up at his dorm unannounced, or announced 3 minutes before he arrives, via text, which is pretty much the same as being unannounced.
His phone buzzes in his pocket again, this time more than once.
[mackerel]: liar <(￣ー￣)>
[mackerel]: u say that every night
[mackerel]: and u never are
it’s not a lie you just choose to ignore anything i say
Chuuya is tempted to turn his phone to silent, but he doesn’t want to miss any texts from Shirase. He can always just block Dazai’s number instead. That should do the trick. Before he can though, his phone buzzes yet again.
[mackerel]: what can u possibly be doing?
[mackerel]: ur last day is tmrw
im just tired, ok asshole?
now leave me alone im blocking your number
This time he does put it on silent, but not before texting Shirase, asking him if he wants to come over tonight. He’ll check it once he gets home. He doesn’t need Dazai’s incessant texts to make his phone buzz every other minute.
It doesn’t take him long to get home and get changed into comfortable clothes. He chooses an oversized black T-shirt and grey sweatpants. Shirase had returned his text and agreed to come over for a little bit. Chuuya grins at the message, looking forward to it. The last few weeks leading up to the end of his internship were some of the busiest. Because of that he hasn’t seen much of Shirase the past two weeks, even more so than the rest of the summer. That’s Chuuya’s fault and he knows he needs to make it up to him.
He starts putting together a modest little dinner for them, getting some rice in the rice cooker and some meat in a hot pan. As he starts cooking, he thinks ahead to the weekend. He’s already picked out an outfit to wear. Nothing too casual since it’s a mostly formal event, but nothing over-the-top fancy. He’s proud of his selection.
Dazai has made fun of him several times for it already, teasing him about picking something to wear ahead of time. If that waste of bandages cared more about his own wardrobe then maybe he would understand.
The rice cooker dings in no time, pulling Chuuya out of his thoughts. He feels a pang of guilt for thinking about Dazai and not Shirase. It’s a stupid thing to feel guilty about, anyways. With a shake of his head he dismisses the thought and gets to work stir frying the rice in with the seasoned and cooked meat. The delicious aroma fills his small kitchen quickly, making his stomach growl in anticipation. Shirase should be here any minute.
He divides the food up into two bowls and pulls out two light beers. He’s not really a beer drinker, but Shirase enjoys it and it’ll go well with the meal. Chuuya isn’t opposed to kicking back a little tonight.
He carries the two bowls to the small kitchen table and sits down, checking his phone to see if Shirase texted him an ETA. He has one message from Shirase and about six from Dazai. He rolls his eyes, ignoring Dazai’s to open Shirase’s.
His stomach drops as he reads the first few words.
[Shirase]: actually i can’t make it tonight. also….. i didn’t know when a good time to tell you was but i don’t think we should see each other anymore
Chuuya reads the rest of his message, but he isn’t sure he really comprehends it. He’s stuck on the sentenceI don’t think we should see each other anymore. Chuuya feels completely blindsided, like he’s just been sucker punched in the gut. It’s so sudden, so unexpected.
A cyclone of emotions swirls inside of him, changing from sadness, to disbelief, to anger and back again in the blink of an eye. He doesn’t know how to feel. He doesn’t know how to process any of this. This is supposed to be the happiest time of the whole damn summer. He’s finally finishing up a grueling internship with a party to celebrate it in just two days. He finally has the time to really make something nice out of this relationship and before he’s even gotten that chance, it’s over. It feels so unfair and he feels so helpless because of it.
The worst part is that Shirase gave a reason. He said he met someone else while Chuuya was busy working. Not only does this make Chuuya feel like absolute garbage on several levels, it makes him feel guilty too. If only he’d made more time for Shirase and their relationship... He’d taken advantage of the fact Shirase said he was okay with it and that he understood Chuuya was busy.
Had he taken advantage or had he just trusted Shirase’s word? No, he should have known better. It wasn’t fair to Shirase and Chuuya knows that. He’s known it all summer but he’d gotten too wrapped up in everything. And now it’s cost him a relationship he’d been genuinely happy about.
He doesn’t know how long he sits there staring at his phone screen, trying to come up with something to say that gets his feelings across. As much as he feels guilt and responsibility for this, he also feels slighted and betrayed. It’s only been three months and Shirase really already found someone else?
It’s not like he and Chuuya didn’t see each other the whole time. That’s the thing, they did! They’ve hung out on weekends and a few times during the week, most of the time anyways. Chuuya thinks Shirase is being a bit unfair himself and it leaves him feeling angry.
Suddenly a knock on the door followed by the telltale sign of the doorknob turning jerks Chuuya out of his stupor. At first he thinks it’s Shirase but why would it be? Then he remembers the only person with a key to his apartment is--
“Chuu~yaaa~” Dazai’s grating voice pierces through the misery hanging over the room as he lets himself in, closing the door behind him. (How did that bastard get a key, anyways?)
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Chuuya demands, trying, and probably failing, to school his face into a somewhat normal expression. “I said I was busy!” He remembers, scowling darkly at the bandaged idiot taking his shoes off like he’s actually welcomed here.
“And I said I was coming over anyway. Didn’t chibikko read my messages?” Dazai asks sweetly, smiling. He drops his bag by the door and makes his way over, eyeing the food on the table.
Chuuya only glares at him.
“So you did read my messages!” He exclaims, sliding into the empty chair next to Chuuya. “Chuuya’s so thoughtful.” He picks up a pair of chopsticks and digs in shamelessly.
It doesn’t even matter that it isn’t for Dazai. The person it’s meant for isn’t coming and Chuuya no longer has an appetite. Dazai can have both bowls for all Chuuya cares. He doesn’t give a shit anymore. He just wants to be left alone. He can only hope Dazai will leave once he’s eaten.
But life is never that easy, as it turns out.
Dazai cracks open the beer and takes a long swig, pursing his lips and scrunching his face.
“Disgusting.”
“You really are the worst.” Chuuya mutters, opening his own beer. He stands up, taking his beer to the couch and sinks down onto it. Luckily the couch faces away from the kitchen so he doesn’t have to watch Dazai eat food not intended for him while he stares at Chuuya.
And he is staring at Chuuya. Chuuya can feel the mackerel’s eyes following him and staring into the back of his head.
“You aren’t eating.” Dazai calls to him.
“Not hungry.” Chuuya replies, taking a sip of his beer before putting it on the coffee table. The only good thing about Dazai being here is that he managed to distract Chuuya for two minutes from the crushing reality he’s dealing with.
“You must’ve been when you made it. You made two.” Dazai continues, not letting up.
“Well I’m not now.” Chuuya mumbles, sinking even deeper into the couch. He wishes it could swallow him whole and not spit him out until he’s over all this.
He hears the kitchen chair scraping against the floor and groans to himself. Why can’t Dazai just eat and leave? Or at least just eat and leave Chuuya alone. He closes his eyes and tries to imagine himself somewhere as far away from here as possible. All he pictures is himself and Shirase at the internship banquet in a few days. It leaves a lump in his throat knowing that isn’t happening now.
It’s also starting to sink in that Shirase left him for someone else. Chuuya wasn’t present enough in their relationship causing Shirase to look elsewhere. In his message, Shirase had asked if they could remain friends since that's what they’d started out as. They’d known each other for a little while before they’d decided to date. The attraction had always been there. Chuuya really thought it would work for them. And now he’s ruined it.
“Wanna tell me what’s wrong?” Dazai’s voice cuts through his thoughts. He’s seated across from Chuuya, sitting on the edge of the coffee table. Chuuya makes a note to yell at him for that as soon as he gets Dazai off his case.
“Sure. You showed up, unannounced and uninvited, again, and ruined my dinner.” Chuuya says, glowering at him.
“Ah, ah.” Dazai wags a finger at him. “I sent you a text telling you I was on my way. Multiple texts, actually.” He grins, like he’s so smart. “If chibikko looked at his phone, he’d know that.”
“I was cooking.” Chuuya grumbles. He remembers he had six unread messages from Dazai. He’s probably telling the truth.
“Spill it.” Dazai says, not taking his eyes off of him.
It’s a strange feeling, being under Dazai’s gaze like this. In a way, it almost feels like he doesn’t have to say anything at all. Dazai can take one look at him and just know what’s going on. It’s unnerving but also comforting, in a way. He’s never known anyone else who can read him like that. It also makes him feel something else, something he’s too afraid to put a name to.
“Shirase broke up with me.” He finally says, defeated. It’s a last ditch effort to satisfy Dazai’s curiosity, hoping the other boy will leave now. It’s a naive thought.
Dazai is quiet, as if trying to think of something to say that is comforting and not completely awful. He’s never really hidden his dislike of Shirase from Chuuya, but he’s never been outright rude about him either.
“Go ahead, say it.” Chuuya says. “I told you so.” He mimics what Dazai would sound like.
“I never said that.” Dazai replies easily, though there is a flash of sympathy in his eyes that Chuuya just barely catches.
“You may as well have. You’ve never liked him.”
“I don’t like anyone who steals my dog away from me.” Dazai pouts, as if he's playing but Chuuya can tell he’s completely serious.
“For the last time, I’m not your dog.” He pinches the bridge of his nose. “Look, I really don’t want to play your stupid games right now, okay?”
“You’re really that upset?” Dazai asks, looking surprised.
“What the fuck kind of question is that?” Chuuya nearly shouts. “Of course I’m really that upset!”
“You’ve barely been together.” Dazai points out.
“So? I can’t feel like shit for getting dumped by my boyfriend of 3 months because he found someone else while I was too busy working or some shit just because we’ve ‘barely been together’?” He throws air quotes around what Dazai had said. He wasn’t just some random guy, either. He’d been Chuuya’s friend before he’d been his boyfriend.
“He cheated on you?” Dazai asks, completely ignoring anything else Chuuya just said.
“Did I say that, asshole?!” Chuuya is quickly reaching his limits. He hasn’t thought of it that way yet, but now that Dazai brought it up, he’s probably right. He’s probably been cheated on.
That only makes him feel worse.
“Fucking asshole.” Chuuya reiterates, this time with no bite. He doesn’t even know if he’s talking about Dazai or Shirase at this point. He leans back into the couch and throws his arm over his eyes, taking a deep breath to stave off the tears that are threatening to spill over. This is all too much and Dazai isn’t making it any better.
He hates that Dazai figured it out before Chuuya did. He hates that Shirase would do something like this to him. He hates himself for letting it happen by not being present enough for Shirase in the first place. All of this piled on top of the toll the internship has taken on him is too much. Chuuya really is at his limit.
They sit in silence for a few moments, the only sound filling the room is Chuuya’s soft, muffled crying. He just needs to get it out of his system and then he’ll be fine. He has to be fine. He hates to do it in front of Dazai but the bastard doesn’t seem to be leaving anytime soon and he can’t keep it in any longer.
“You shouldn’t blame yourself.” Dazai says after another moment. Chuuya wants to laugh at that. Wasn’t he listening? If he was, he’d know why Chuuya blames himself.
“Fuck. Everyone was excited to meet my boyfriend.” Chuuya presses the heels of his hands against his eyes to wipe away some tears that escaped. He doesn’t want Dazai to see his tear streaked face, even though it’s a little late for that.
“Your work thing?” Dazai asks. “The one you painstakingly chose an outfit for already?” There’s a teasing air to his words. It makes Chuuya feel a bit less miserable, if only for a second.
“Of course that one, jackass.” Chuuya says, though his words lose any heat they had when he sniffles.
“Get a new date.” Dazai says easily, as if it’s the most natural thing in the world.
“Yeah, like it’s so easy. Chuuya says, irritated. “Are you trying to be helpful?”
“Take me.” Dazai ignores his question, opting instead to say the stupidest thing yet.
Chuuya can’t quite comprehend what he just heard. Take him? Dazai? As his date in place of the boyfriend who just unceremoniously dumped him over text message?
“You’ve really lost your mind.” Chuuya retorts, recovering from his initial shock.
“Then go alone and tell everyone how you got dumped.” Dazai replies with a shrug. Chuuya is about to fire back a reply when he stops. It stings and he knows it will only sting more if he has to answer question after question of ‘I thought your boyfriend was coming.’
He wants to have a good time, dammit. He doesn’t want to keep going over and over again how he was dumped. Even if he makes an excuse and lies and says Shirase is just busy, it would still sting every single time someone brought him up.
But if Dazai is there…..
“Fine, idiot.” Chuuya huffs, crossing his arms over his chest. “Don’t make me regret this. You’d better not fuck it up.”
“Chuuya~!” Dazai exclaims, throwing his arms around Chuuya. “Have I ever made you regret anything before?”
“Daily.” Chuuya mutters, trying to ignore how Dazai is draped over him, how warm he feels against him.
This won’t be too hard, right?
**
It’s definitely harder than it should be. Chuuya finds himself thinking about it all night that night after Dazai leaves and all day Friday. At first he thinks to back out of it. His coworkers will know it’s a sham. They will know Dazai isn’t Shirase.
Then he realizes none of them have ever met Shirase. He doesn’t think he’s ever shown them pictures of him either. At this point, he wonders if he’s ever even told them his name. He racks his brain, but he only remembers referring to him as his boyfriend.
It’s starting to look like Dazai will actually be able to parade himself around as Chuuya’s boyfriend flawlessly.
All of that aside, Chuuya is grappling with how he feels about it. The reality that he isn’t just taking Dazai along as a friend but as his (fake) boyfriend is really sinking in. Couples are expected to act certain ways with each other and while he knows he isn’t obligated to do...anything really, he knows he has to act like he actually likes Dazai to make this believable.
But doesn’t he like Dazai? Isn’t that the real problem here? Isn’t he afraid it will be too easy to fall into this role? Isn’t he afraid of what happens after the night ends and they go back to being not fake boyfriends? (He refuses to answer any of that.)
Those thoughts have been eating him alive all morning. It doesn’t help that Dazai hasn’t been his annoying self ever since Thursday night when he made this ridiculous proposal. He’s been almost radio silent, surprisingly. As if this whole scenario isn’t unnerving and anxiety inducing as it is, he doesn’t need Dazai to start acting weird and out of character.
He only texted Chuuya two times yesterday and hasn’t contacted him at all yet today. That shithead better not have been joking about all of this. Chuuya isn’t sure if he can handle being dumped by his boyfriend and duped by his best friend within the span of 2 days.
Chuuya pushes that from his mind as he begins getting ready for tonight, trusting Dazai will show up and go through with this whole charade. The outfit Dazai teased him about actually looks pretty fucking amazing, in Chuuya’s opinion. He’s picked a simple formal/casual look and yes it makes perfect sense, thank you very much.
A black suit jacket, which he leaves unbuttoned, paired with a sleek purple button up shirt. He leaves the shirt untucked from his tight, black pants (which make his ass look incredible.) He pulls a black tie loosely over his head and fastens it with a knot and silver tie ring to complete the look before folding the collar of his shirt over the jacket collar.
He slips on short, black gloves which just barely cover the palms of his hands before looking himself over in the mirror. He’s never been more satisfied with his choice. A few simple style choices go a long way in keeping the outfit from being too formal or fancy. He’s quite pleased with himself.
Part of him can’t wait to see the look on Dazai’s face when he sees him in it. He wants to make the bandaged bastard sweat. Chuuya is drop dead gorgeous and he knows it. Maybe Dazai will finally see it and recognize it too.
(Why does Chuuya want that so much?)
His thoughts are interrupted by the sound of his apartment door opening. He looks at his phone to check the time. Dazai is on time for once. He sighs, giving himself one last once over in the mirror before turning to head out towards the living room.
“How did you get a key to my apartment ag--” The question dies on his tongue when he sees Dazai standing in the doorway. He’s never seen him this put together, this sharply dressed. It’s a huge contrast to his normal attire.
Similar to Chuuya, he’s also wearing a black suit jacket. He paired it with a white shirt and black tie. Chuuya’s eyes rove over the green striped vest which almost hides a gold belt buckle at Dazai’s waist. His black pants are tighter than what Dazai normally wears (though not as tight as Chuuya’s) and he’s wearing stark white dress shoes.
Chuuya clears his throat when he realizes he’s staring. He curses himself for being too caught up in how good Dazai looks that now he’s missed Dazai’s reaction to Chuuya’s outfit. Add that to the list of strikes against Dazai and this whole circus. He feels his cheeks heat up and knows Dazai’s noticed too by the way the smug bastard is smirking at him.
“Cat got your tongue, Chuuya?” He goads playfully, tucking a few strands of hair behind his ear. Chuuya’s heart nearly stops at the sight. Fuck, Dazai looks good like this.
Shit.
“Shut up, let’s get this over with.” Chuuya snaps back, forcing himself to act normal. There is nothing normal about any of this, but Chuuya has always been good at adapting to any situation he’s put in. Soon this will just be another unpleasant memory. He just has to get through it first.
First step is to take deep breaths and not let your best friend’s annoyingly good looks derail your evening.
He crosses the distance between himself and the door and pulls Dazai outside, desperately needing some fresh air right now. He locks up behind them and heads down to the street. They’ll have to take an Uber to the event. He does his best to ignore how he’ll be trapped in an enclosed, cramped space with Dazai for at least fifteen or twenty minutes.
Dazai walks alongside him in silence until they reach the curb. Just as Chuuya is pulling out his phone to call for the Uber, Dazai announces he’s already taken care of it.
“Did becoming my fake boyfriend make you useful for once?” Chuuya asks, raising an eyebrow. Dazai only rolls his eyes.
Then Dazai does something that catches Chuuya completely off guard. He reaches for his hand. Chuuya recoils, pulling his hand away like he’s just been burned by scalding water.
“What the fuck?!” He nearly shouts, staring at Dazai with wide eyes.
“Boyfriends hold hands, don’t they, Chuuya?” Dazai asks innocently, hiding any trace of hurt or offense at Chuuya’s outburst.
“Yeah, but we aren’t actually dating, moron.” Chuuya scoffs. “Did you forget?”
“I’m just practicing my part before the real performance begins.” Dazai shrugs, putting his hands in his pockets.
“Look, I don’t know how you think tonight should go, but you don’t have to do anything...weird or whatever.” Chuuya says, running a hand through his hair. “This is just so I don’t have to deal with any annoying questions about everything.”
He’s still hurting over his break up with Shirase, but he’s been a little preoccupied with mentally preparing for tonight to focus too much on that. Once tonight’s over, he’s sure that harsh reality will sink in all over again.
“Holding hands isn’t weird, chibikko.” Dazai says, his voice a little quieter than before. It unsettles Chuuya.
“It is with a weirdo like you.” Chuuya says, jabbing him with his elbow playfully. If he thinks about it too much, he might think he’d hurt Dazai’s feelings.
“You’ll find I’m an excellent hand-holder.” Dazai says confidently, his usual smile returning.
“We’ll see about that.” He laughs, feeling oddly relieved when the Uber pulls up and they get inside.
The ride is short and almost unbearable thanks to whatever cologne Dazai put on before leaving his house. Not in a bad or overpowering way either, which almost makes it worse. It’s intoxicating, making Chuuya feel a lot of things he doesn’t want to be feeling right now. They’re dangerous feelings. They’re feelings he can’t act on.
(They’re feelings he would act on if he wasn’t thinking properly.)
Chuuya is once again clamoring for fresh air when the Uber arrives at the event. He thanks the driver before exiting the car quickly.
“Fancy.” Dazai remarks once he’s out of the car, looking at the restaurant they’re in front of.
It’s big, more than one floor and yes, notoriously fancy. Mori Corporation can afford to rent out the entire second floor for a big event. He’s heard the food is simply the best, with reservations being made weeks in advance. Already he can see everyone is dressed in business formal attire.
“They really went above and beyond, huh?” Dazai says. “The whole place to ourselves?”
“Only the second floor.” Chuuya corrects, leading them inside. They follow the flow of people heading up the stairs to the banquet hall area. The atmosphere is warm with the aroma of classic Japanese dishes filling the air. The room is already filling up, people mingling and talking with one another while others find their seats.
“Kinda stuffy.” Dazai says under his breath so only Chuuya can hear him. He seems more tense than he’d been a moment before. Chuuya looks at him and frowns. It feels like a warm and inviting event. The opposite of feeling stuffy.
“Just pretend like you want to be here.” Chuuya whispers back, ignoring the strange look on Dazai’s face. “This was your idea.”
Now that they’ve made it upstairs, Chuuya scans the room for the other interns. He sees Tachihara waving at him from the other side of the room. Chuuya waves back, grinning. He’s starting to feel the excitement of tonight coming back to him. His nerves are beginning to dissipate now that he’s here.
Dazai reaches for his hand again as they cross the room and this time Chuuya lets him. He shivers from the contact, but yet again, not in a bad way. It’s concerning, the way it makes him feel, but he doesn’t have much time to think about it because they reach the intern table in no time.
Well, one of the intern tables. Mori Corp has a lot of interns each summer and this is no exception. There are three tables worth of interns and their plus-one’s. Chuuya slides into the chair next to Tachihara, with Dazai sitting next to Chuuya on his other side.
“I should’ve known they’d go all out with this.” Tachihara says, eyes surveying the room. “I’m just here for the afterparty.”
“Afterparty?” Dazai perks up. Chuuya glances over at him. He’ll have to ask him what his deal is later. Right now he has some introductions to make.
“This the infamous boy toy?” Tachihara asks when Dazai pipes up, smirking at Chuuya. Chuuya has to do his best not to flinch at the wording.
As if. He thinks to himself.
“The one and only~” Dazai flashes a toothy grin. “Dazai.” He supplies.
“Tachihara Michizou.” Tachihara answers with his own smile. “You weren’t kidding when you said he was good-looking.” Tachihara adds, nudging Chuuya in the ribs.
Chuuya does smile at that for two reasons. One, it’s true that Dazai is good-looking and two because when Chuuya had told Tachihara how good his boyfriend looked he’d been talking about Shirase. Anything any of his fellow interns had heard about Chuuya’s boyfriend had all been about Shirase.
If this ruffles Dazai’s feathers, he doesn’t let it show. Probably because Tachihara still complimented his looks.
“So, an afterparty?” Dazai asks again, looking intrigued. Tachihara glances at Chuuya before answering Dazai.
“Yeah, once the boring, obligatory presentations and speeches are over all the interns are going to The Turbine. I hear it’s pretty lit every year.” He says. “I’m surprised Chuuya didn’t tell you.”
“I can’t fault him too much. It’s hard to remember things with such a small brain.” Dazai teases.
“Say that one more time, asshole.” Chuuya grumbles, shooting a glare at Dazai.
“That you have a small brain?” Dazai asks innocently. “It’s not like it’s a secret or anything.”
Chuuya scowls at him, about to say something else as the wait staff begins to file into the room with the first course of their dinner.
“You’re sure you two are dating?” Tachihara asks, looking a little perplexed.
“Yes!” They both chime in together.
**
It isn’t long before Chuuya introduces Dazai to the others at their table. The Akutagawa siblings, Ryuunosuke and Gin, Kaiji Motojirou, Higuchi Ichiyo, and one of the intern program directors Arthur Rimbaud.
Over the course of the lavish dinner they relive their grueling, yet fulfilling summer working together. One highlight had been Kaiji accidentally starting a fire in one of the offices. He’d been alone at the time so no one knew how it really started and now Kaiji is enjoying everyone’s guesses at what it could have been. (Rimbaud only sighs and pretends like he can’t hear them)
So far no one has gotten it right so Kaiji’s kept the truth a secret.
Chuuya feels like they’ve really become a close team over these past few months. He enjoys being around them and getting to work with them. Being with this team helped him get through the toughest times of the internship. But he realizes now they weren’t the only ones who’d gotten him through.
Dazai had played a big part in keeping Chuuya sane this summer. Shirase had, too, but to a much smaller extent if Chuuya is really honest with himself. Chuuya was always the one reaching out to Shirase when he had a moment to breathe, never the other way around.
But Dazai had always reached out to Chuuya first, even when it was the last thing Chuuya wanted to deal with at the time. He’ll never admit it, but those intrusions and distractions had helped lessen his stress overall. That didn’t mean he didn’t moan and groan and shout at Dazai to leave him the hell alone because he’s busy, goddammit.
Sitting here reliving the high and low points of their summer together really makes Chuuya grateful for Dazai’s presence in his life. Even tonight had been Dazai’s idea. He stepped in where Chuuya needed him to be, even if Chuuya hadn’t known at the time it was what he needed. He’s loath to admit it, but he really is glad Dazai is here with him tonight.
He glances over at his boyfriend for the evening and notices he’s doing his best at looking like he’s listening to the conversation when really he’s looking around the room. The others may not notice, but Chuuya knows Dazai well enough by now to know he’s not engaged with them at all.
In fact, Dazai’s been acting a little off ever since they got here. It’s hardly noticeable, but Chuuya hasn’t missed how he’s sitting a bit more stiff than usual, how he’s barely eaten or how his eyes keep scanning the room. Chuuya makes a note to ask him about it later.
It’s not long after dessert (a delicate offering of the most scrumptious wagashi Chuuya has ever seen) and tea are served that the speeches begin. Each of the three internship program directors make a speech about how hard-working everyone is, how Mori Corporation appreciates all the efforts everyone’s made over the course of the summer, how they should be proud of themselves for making it through since Mori Corp is very selective in choosing their interns and purposefully puts them through a lot to give ‘much needed experience.’
Rimbaud is one of the speakers and Chuuya hopes the older man means all of the words of praise and encouragement he says. He finds himself looking up to Rimbaud and wants to have made him proud. Despite hiccups and mistakes, Chuuya is proud of what he and their team accomplished. They completed every task given to them and, in his opinion, they’d excelled and done well with each one.
A round of applause follows the last speech by an executive of the company and for a moment it seems like that’s it for the evening when no one else steps up to the mic.
“Oh thank god. I thought I was going to die of boredom.” Dazai says, slumping in his chair. Chuuya almost kicks him under the table, but before he can, everyone else nods in agreement. Chuuya agrees too, but he doesn’t need Dazai being rude at an event that isn’t even for him.
“What a weird way to end it.” Gin says, frowning. There’d been no closing remarks to officially end the night.
“Us smart interns don’t need to be told when it’s over.” Tachihara boasts, half jokingly. It’s at this moment a hush falls over the room as another speaker walks to the microphone.
“You were saying?” Higuchi whispers across the table to Tachihara. He shrugs guiltily, turning his attention to the new speaker. Chuuya feels Dazai tense as the speaker greets the room. His smooth, deep commanding voice draws everyone in with ease. It’s the quietest the room has been since the event began.
Chuuya looks over at Dazai. He’s looking ahead, pale and trying to keep his face a blank slate but failing. His hands are balled into fists in his lap, fingers digging into his pants. Chuuya is taken aback, unsure of what to think. It feels out of the ordinary for anyone but especially for Dazai.
He doesn’t know what the cause is or how he can help so he reaches for Dazai’s hand under the table, placing it on top of Dazai’s. Dazai sucks in a sharp breath, almost like he’s forgotten to breathe for a moment. Chuuya frowns, looking back at the speaker, coaxing Dazai’s hand open so he can lace their fingers together. He's supposed to be his boyfriend for the night, right?
He doesn’t know if this is comforting to Dazai, nor does he understand why Dazai is reacting this way to the CEO of Mori Corporation, Mori Ougai, but he is.
Mori is a man Chuuya has only seen a few times throughout his internship. He holds a lot of respect for him though. He’s wondered if Mori would address them tonight and it looks like he has his answer. Chuuya is glad for it, but Dazai’s reaction makes him pause, wondering what it’s about.
The speech isn’t long. It echoes everything that’s already been said, hitting all the boxes of a standard, corporate thank you speech. Everyone applauds as he finishes so Chuuya releases his hold of Dazai’s hand and claps as well. He swears he sees Mori smile when he looks in their direction. It’s even more noticeable because he doesn’t think Mori has cracked a smile the whole time he’s been at the microphone.
“Please, feel free to stick around and mingle for as long as you’d like and thank you again for coming.” Mori says over the last few moments of applause.
“Almost party time!” Tachihara exclaims excitedly.
“That’s all you’re worried about. I’m impressed you even showed up at all for this part of the night.” Higuchi scoffs.
Tachihara shrugs. “Free food.”
They all laugh at that. Chuuya glances at Dazai again and is relieved to see he’s smiling too.
“So how did you two meet?” Kaiji asks, directing his question to Chuuya and Dazai. By now they’ve all already joked about how Chuuya is the only one in their group to bring a plus-one. It isn’t unexpected, of course. They’ve all been waiting to meet his boyfriend ever since he mentioned he had one.
“Class.” Chuuya tells him. “Three years ago or something?” He looks to Dazai for confirmation on that.
“I had the pleasure of sitting behind Chuuya in a very boring history class.” Dazai grins. “Lucky for me, he made it a lot less boring.”
“Because you played paper football with the back of my head.” Chuuya scowls.
“Something like that.” Dazai waves his hand dismissively. “I’d never seen someone take so many notes before.”
“Then you must not pay attention, moron.” Chuuya rolls his eyes. “Everyone takes notes.”
“You’ve been dating for three years?” Akutagawa asks doubtfully, speaking for the first time all night.
“Ah, ah, not a chance!” Dazai wags his finger at him, grinning. “That’s just how long I’ve had the displeasure of knowing him.”
“You’re one to talk!” Chuuya exclaims. “You’re the one who wouldn’t leave me alone, even after the semester ended!”
“It really is a shame that was our only class together, chibikko.”
“Stop calling me that!”
“Maybe a better question is who asked who out.” Gin says, clearing their throat. Chuuya briefly wonders if he and Dazai aren’t quite selling themselves as boyfriends. (He isn’t going to admit to himself that they’d be acting like this no matter what, even if they were actually boyfriends.)
Chuuya realizes they haven’t come up with a story, which is really fucking stupid of them. They’ve had two whole days to prepare for this, for fuck’s sake.
“I asked him.” Dazai chirps, not missing a beat. He locks eyes with Chuuya, not looking away as he continues. “He’s a dense little chibi sometimes.” He holds his gaze a few more seconds before he finally looks away from Chuuya and back to Gin and the others.
“I thought I was being embarrassingly obvious that I was interested but he just didn’t get it.” Dazai sighs dramatically. Chuuya glares at him. Of course he’s painting Chuuya as the idiot here.
“If you mean calling and texting me constantly with nonsense and always just..always being annoying!” Chuuya exclaims, a little flustered. He realizes suddenly that he doesn’t know if Dazai is playing it up for the benefit of Chuuya’s co-workers or if there’s some honesty hidden in there.
“That sounds pretty obvious to me, Chuuya.” Tachihara says with a grin, nudging him playfully. The others are all nodding and murmuring agreement.
Chuuya scowls at the entire table. They don’t understand just how annoying Dazai can be. If they’d seen and experienced everything Chuuya has over the last three years, they’d understand. Surely they’d understand…
“Whoa, check it out.” Kaiji says, interrupting the conversation he started. “The Big Boss makes another appearance.” They all turn to where he’s looking. Mori is chatting with some of the interns at a table nearby.
“Think he’ll come over here?” Higuchi asks, lowering her voice.
“Duh, he’s probably making his rounds with all of us grunts to make us feel important.” Tachihara quips.
“Let’s leave.” Akutagawa suggests, making to stand.
“What? No! We can go after he stops by.” Chuuya argues. It’ll be far too rude to leave now when the CEO of the company is making a point to talk to all of the interns on a more personal level and not just from behind a microphone.
Dazai stands then, surprising Chuuya. “Nature calls~ I’ll meet up with you outside.” He says with a goofy smile. Then he bends down so he can brush his lips lightly against Chuuya’s cheek, leaving a feather-light kiss.
It takes everything inside Chuuya not to shoot out of his seat and angrily demand an explanation. (fake boyfriends, duh!) Luckily, he remembers himself and does his best to keep his bewildered expression at bay and ignore how much he’s blushing right now.
“Aww, you guys might like each other after all.” Higuchi says with a small laugh.
“Only a little.” Dazai stands upright again and smiles.
His eyes darken for the briefest of seconds before he puts that smile back on and excuses himself. Chuuya’s eyes follow where Dazai had been looking and sees none other than Mori a few tables away. Mori watches as Dazai leaves. Chuuya doesn’t have a good feeling about this. There’s something going on that Dazai isn’t telling him.
**
It isn’t much longer before they’re out of there, into another Uber and at the club where the real party, as Tachihara calls it, begins. Whatever weirdness had been going on back at the venue is forgotten as soon as they walk into the club. The bass is pounding and the dance floor is already getting crowded with interns and regular club-goers alike.
“First round’s on me!” Tachihara says loudly over the music. They crowd the bar for their first drinks of the evening. Tachihara orders them all a shot of tequila to kick things off.
“For fuck’s sake.” Chuuya says with a laugh as they clink their glasses together.
“I’m going to find the hottest person here and take them home.” Tachihara announces, tossing back the shot.
“How shallow of you.” Gin mutters, also tossing theirs back with ease.
“It’s what I deserve.” He shoots back with a lopsided grin. Gin only rolls their eyes.
“Sorry, but he’s taken.” Dazai says, sliding his arm around Chuuya’s waist, pulling him closer.
Tachihara raises an eyebrow before laughing, taking an extra second to realize what Dazai means.
“Fine, fine. Second hottest then.” He amends, already ordering himself another shot.
“He’s taken too.” Chuuya smirks, leaning into Dazai’s touch. He looks up at Dazai and sees him smiling down at him. Chuuya feels his cheeks flush under that soft gaze. If he reads too much into it, he’d say Dazai had a look of fondness in his eyes. He pushes the thought away. It’s obviously just the alcohol talking already.
“Alright, you two lovebirds don’t count!” Kaiji interjects, waving his hands at them. “Michizou! You’re on!” He announces, pointing at Tachihara dramatically before downing his shot. He slams the glass onto the bartop, earning him a scowl from the bartender.
“Oya?” Tachihara’s grin widens. “And don’t fucking call me that.” He adds, throwing his second shot back. Chuuya wonders if either of them will be successful as they both disappear into the crowd.
**
It isn’t long before they’re all two or three shots deep and working on their second mixed drink. Everyone except Akutagawa, who’s still nursing his first drink (he’d skipped shots completely). Tachihara and Kaiji are still on their quest for the hottest club-goer and Higuchi pulled Gin onto the dance floor ten minutes ago.
“C’mon, Slug, I want to dance.” Dazai whines, pouting for at least the eighth time since he, Akutagawa and Chuuya had slid into an empty booth near the bar.
“Then who will keep Akutagawa company?” Chuuya argues stubbornly, sipping his rum and coke.
The truth is, Chuuya loves to dance but there’s three problems with this. The first problem is that Chuuya is a lightweight and is already feeling extremely tipsy. The second problem is it’s Dazai who Chuuya will be dancing with. The third problem is that Chuuya wants to dance with Dazai. He just doesn’t trust himself not to do something he’ll regret. That in and of itself is terrifying.
“I do not need to be babysat, Chuuya-san.” Akutagawa says.
“See? He’s fine! He’s probably better off on his own anyways. He looks uncomfortable here.” Dazai says, as if Akutagawa isn’t across the table from him and can very clearly hear him.
“I don’t dance.” Chuuya lies.
“As memory serves you do. Or do you not remember the time I caught you dancing in your boxers?” Dazai asks with a sly smirk.
“That doesn’t count!” Chuuya nearly yells, cheeks flaring up. “You broke into my apartment and violated my privacy, you stupid Mackerel!” He remembers very vividly Dazai finding him, clad only in his boxers with his music blaring. He tries not to think about how Dazai seemed frozen in his tracks, how his tongue wet his parched lips at the sight of Chuuya half-naked.
“Come on. Up you go!” Dazai finishes his drink before standing, reaching out to grab under Chuuya’s arm, hoisting him up out of his seat. Chuuya lets out a yelp in surprise.
“Bastard.” He growls, pulling free from Dazai’s hold. “Fine, if it’ll shut you up for a damn minute. We’ll be back, Akutagawa,” He mumbles, begrudgingly walking towards the dance floor. At least he’s still walking in a straight line, despite how warm and fuzzy all the alcohol is making him feel.
Akutagawa doesn’t make a sound in response.
Chuuya’s nerves are all over the place. He knows what dancing is like at clubs. He knows what dancing drunk is like at clubs. He’s done it and he quite enjoys it. But with Dazai, it’s a whole other ballgame. But why? (A question he refuses to answer)
They’re ‘dating’ for the night, right? This whole night is for Chuuya to let off steam and celebrate an incredibly hard summer and forget about his heartache. Why shouldn’t he let himself go? But no, it’s so much more complicated than that.
Why? (And again, he won’t answer that)
Chuuya pushes through the crowd of drunken dancers until he’s close to the middle of the dance floor. He glances around, not seeing any of his friends, before turning to face Dazai, who’s followed right behind him. He doesn’t get the chance to say anything before Dazai is pressed up against him, swaying in time to the beat of the booming bass.
He responds instinctively, turning around so his back is flush with Dazai’s chest. He lifts his arms above his head, bringing them to rest loosely around Dazai’s neck and on his shoulders. A shiver runs through him as Dazai’s arms wrap around his waist, hands sliding down to his hips. Chuuya can’t even count how many times he’s danced like this with someone else. (But how many times have they made him feel like this?)
Chuuya rocks his hips back and forth, grinding back lightly against Dazai. Every nerve in his body feels amplified, acutely aware of every movement Dazai makes. Like how he presses against him, impossibly close. How he shivers pleasantly when Chuuya lets his head fall back against Dazai’s shoulder, closing his eyes and letting the rhythm of the music guide him.
Their bodies meld together seamlessly. Dazai’s hands feel like they were made to be on Chuuya’s hips, on Chuuya’s body. The weight of them resting there is grounding as Chuuya moves with the music. His breathing quickens, a slight sheen of sweat forming as he dances against Dazai. He’s starting to lose himself to this, though a small part of him screams out against this feeling.
But that small voice is easily buried by the alcohol he’s had and drowned out by a louder voice within him, which urges him on.
Dazai’s hands move from his hips, ghosting up and down along the lines of his body. His warm breath curls around the shell of Chuuya’s ear, tickling the back of his neck. It feels as though it’s just the two of them now, the rest of the crowded club falling away around them. The bass of the music is duller, a mere thrumming of noise deafened by Chuuya’s heart pounding in his chest. Dazai’s arm snakes around Chuuya’s waist once more, pulling him against him, holding him there as they move as one.
“So pretty.” Dazai whispers against him, snapping Chuuya back into reality. His breath catches as the music rises again in volume, the bass so loud it vibrates Chuuya’s very bones once more.
“Don’t say things you don’t mean.” Chuuya replies, throat dry. He wets his lips, trying to calm his racing heart. Dazai’s just as tipsy as Chuuya. Surely he doesn’t mean it.
“I don’t lie about things like this.” Dazai murmurs, close enough Chuuya can hear him without Dazai having to raise his voice over the music. Chuuya whirls around to face him, searching those honey-brown eyes, looking for any hint of a lie or amusement at Chuuya’s expense.
“Then don’t say it at all.”
“Why not? Chuuya deserves to know.” Dazai pouts, tugging Chuuya closer again.
“Dazai…” He’s unsure. He’s navigating uncharted territory right now and he doesn’t think he’s prepared.
No, he knows he’s not prepared.
“You’re ruining the mood.” He scoffs, turning his face away from Dazai.
“And what mood is that?” Dazai asks teasingly. Chuuya flushes because he doesn’t know what that just was. (Or does he?)
“Just shut up and dance with me.” He growls, turning to face him once more, grinding against him roughly.
And the bastard as the audacity to whine.
A soft, barely-there whine falls from Dazai’s lips at the contact. Chuuya’s eyes go wide, fighting the urge to push him away harshly. What the hell is going on? (As if he doesn’t know.)
“I thought Chuuya didn’t like to dance?” Dazai recovers quickly, his own face looking flushed now.
“Not with mackerels like you.” He mutters, trying not to wither under Dazai’s gaze. It suddenly feels too hot, too cramped in this pulsating mass of people. He remains glued in place, glued against Dazai’s body which feels so solid and so warm against him. It’s a feeling he’s craved for with the very person he’s on this dance floor with. His mind both rails against it and longs for it, a battle brewing and building inside him. (So why is he fighting it?)
“And yet here you are, dancing with one.” Dazai says. His face is mere inches from Chuuya’s. It would take nothing at all to close the gap between them. Chuuya’s gaze drops to Dazai’s lips. They look so soft, so inviting.
“So you admit you’re a mackerel?” Chuuya retorts, barely breathing. The feeling of Dazai’s hands on his body is hot enough to burn through his clothes. They may as well be white-hot branding irons, staking their claim on Chuuya.
“Just this once.” Dazai replies softly, leaning in impossibly close. Chuuya stops breathing altogether, time slowing to a crawl as their lips barely brush against one another before--
“You didn’t hear it from me,” A jarring voice slurs beside them. Chuuya pulls away and whips his head around to see Tachihara dancing against an attractive blonde. “You two put every other fucking couple here to shame.” He raises his glass at them in a one-sided toast.
“We aren’t--” Chuuya blinks, head swimming.
“We’re not trying to. Guess it just happens naturally.” Dazai interrupts, winking at Tachihara. How he’s able to seem so collected after something like that, Chuuya can’t understand.
“Yeah, yeah, fuck off.” Tachihara grins, dancing away back into the crowd.
Chuuya realizes he’d almost spilled the beans, forgetting they’d come here as a ‘couple.’ How could he forget something like that? Why is his heart racing?
“It’s hot.” Chuuya says, not moving to the music anymore. The heat suddenly feels oppressively hot. He needs to get off this dance floor. Dazai seems to understand what Chuuya means and nods. He wordlessly takes his hand and guides him out of the crowd. They’re both a little unsteady on their feet.
Chuuya looks over to where they’d been sitting before with Akutagawa and sees Gin and Higuchi have rejoined him. He doesn’t know if he can act normal convincingly right now. Just as he’s about to head for the door, Higuchi flags them down, waving as they emerge from the dance floor.
Reluctantly, he follows Dazai back to their table.
He’s not sure if it’s the alcohol or what almost just happened but his head is spinning. Maybe it’s a mix of both because he isn’t really sure what that was back there. Whatever it was, it was too close for comfort. He’s going through a break-up, despite whatever game they’re playing at tonight. Despite how he feels (how does he feel?) about Dazai, they aren’t… this isn’t something they do.
Dazai means a lot to him, as much as he hates to admit it. He values that idiot’s friendship and he doesn’t want to ruin that because of a stupid drunken mistake. That’s what it almost was, wasn’t it? Dazai’s tipsy too, if not drunk just like Chuuya. This isn’t what they want. Right?
(The smallest voice inside of him argues that he doesn’t want his first kiss with Dazai to be when they are both drunk. Then he realizes what that thought is implying and he silences the voice altogether.)
The rest of the night passes by easily. Chuuya’s feelings from before quiet as the night goes on, though they don’t disappear completely. At some point both Kaiji and Tachihara rejoin them and they all share another round of drinks and two or three rounds of greasy appetizers, laughing and enjoying the night to the fullest.
They don’t go back to the dance floor.
**
Chuuya’s nervous as they get into an Uber to take them to Chuuya’s place after saying goodbye to everyone. By now he’s sobered up a bit, his last drink being a couple of hours ago. Dazai’s leaning against the door, away from Chuuya. He’s been quiet since they got in the car. Back at the bar, he’d been himself as if nothing had happened. Chuuya had done his best to be himself as well.
No one had pointed out that he was acting weird so he assumes he did an alright job of it. He felt mostly normal too. They’d bickered and bantered with each other and with the rest of the group. Everything had seemed fine, despite the swirling, conflicting feelings from before.
But now that they’re alone again, Dazai seems closed off and distant. Chuuya tries not to let it bother him, but he can’t help it. Is he mad that Chuuya wanted to leave the dance floor after Tachihara had prevented whatever was about to happen from happening? Is he mad at himself for almost doing that with Chuuya? He must be realizing how stupid it would have been. It’s not like he likes Chuuya like that.
The Uber pulls up to Chuuya’s place and Chuuya is a little surprised when Dazai doesn’t make a move to get out with him.
“Coming in?” He asks, standing outside the car, holding the door open.
“I’ll just head back to my place.” He says, giving Chuuya a small smile. It doesn’t seem genuine. He gives the driver his address. “Thanks for tonight, chibi.”
“Yeah, don’t mention it.” Chuuya responds, a little shell shocked but trying to hide it. It’s not like he should have been expecting Dazai to stay over anyways.
Despite Dazai having spent the night a handful of times before, they aren’t actually dating. (Why does he have to keep reminding himself of this?) Chuuya is an idiot for even considering that Dazai might want to stay tonight.
“See you, then.” He says, feeling a little numb. He closes the door when Dazai nods in response. Chuuya raises his hand to give a small wave as the car pulls away.
What the hell just happened?