Work Text:
Art at the end by the wonderful Reishichi, check her out: https://twitter.com/reishichi_/status/1294530733730455553
There were only so many games Izuku could invent on the plain white ceiling. God, was it boring being cooped up in his room for so long. He had been begging for sunshine since… when? Time flowed like cement. As he lay on his All Might sheets, staring blankly into the ceiling, everything he loathed about lockdown came to mind like a nightmare.
Yep, the pandemic had hit. Hard.
Usually, class 1-A was lively, cheerful, and very social. From games and pranks to studying and training, being together was what made them, well, them . However, the pandemic came, and things changed. Quarantine life in the dormitory proved to be difficult; online lessons, minimising contact, safe distancing… it was simply miserable. Izuku hated it, all of it. He understood the rationale, but—
He felt empty.
He missed going to class.
It was like he learned absolutely nothing in the online lessons and the technical issues that occurred were not helpful. Note taking became difficult and absorbing information from a screen just didn’t work. Sure, attending lessons in his room was comfortable, but there seemed to be way too many distractions, way too many interruptions, and way too little learning. Things really were different without a teacher as the sage on the stage, guiding everyone along. Without his friends to push him, cheer him on, and fight through the tough hero course together, it seemed like an endless ordeal, and it was agonisingly unproductive.
He missed training.
Facilities were closed, and without the hypothetical missions they would be put through, without the superior technology they had, it was unbearable. He was likely regressing without all the proper training. Soon he would be back at square one.
Wincing at the thought, Izuku sighed. Was he really trying his best? Was his best even enough? On the daily, he worked so hard, pushed himself to the limit, but it still felt like it wasn’t enough. The runs he would go on, the dumbbells, the calisthenics, he did it all every day. But that only made him good at working out, not at saving people or fighting villains!
He missed his friends.
They made everything better; he wouldn’t be here without them, not even close. Plus, this was the very first time he could actually consider some people friends, and it just felt so, so special. It was almost as if he didn’t know how to laugh, how to smile before this; and he forced himself not to go into the reasons why— everything was better now. He was having the time of his life in school. That was until it all went to shit . The boy huffed.
He missed her.
It seemed as if he never realised how important one Ochako Uraraka was to him, not until then. Did he truly deserve to have a friend like her? On the surface, they were best friends; they hung out often, laughed and conversed. Typical, right? But when Izuku dug deeper and thought everything through, only then did he realise how incredibly lucky he was to consider such a wonderful person his friend. Put simply, she was the light of his world. A smile so warm and bright it illuminated even the darkest parts of his soul, warmed the cockles of his heart; it was what made the worst of days feel okay. Not only that—
Her optimistic, cheerful disposition and that voice he could recognise anywhere. Just the tune of her giggle, the song that was her voice, coupled with lyrics made of the purest, kindest words: a combination that could put the phantoms of worry in his mind to rest for good.
And to top it all off, she was inspirational, too. She was so strong, with admirable goals and intense determination.. Save people with a smile. That was something he dreamed to be able to do, yet she made it look easy. She pushed him to work harder, helped him whenever necessary, lifted him up, maybe even unknowingly so.
Had he been taking her for granted?
Izuku worried sometimes. Yeah, she had an indomitable spirit, was always amiable; but sometimes he worried and wondered if she was really okay. After the sports festival for instance, he wondered what she hid beneath the smile; he wanted to help her more than anything. But at the end of the day, she was always the one helping him. Gods he was just so— so useless. His teeth gritted against each other.
Useless.
All that— that power entrusted to him. He was supposed to save the world, become the next symbol of peace! It just felt utterly pathetic that he couldn’t do anything. He wasn’t going to give up, that much he knew, but would he be able to recover?
Oh boy, those thoughts again? It was going to be a looong day.
Ochako was— well… coping.
Another unproductive day spent staring at her blank notebook.
She’d been good at staying positive, most of the time, at least. Telling herself, tomorrow will be better. Asserting to herself, everything’ll be fine; things will get better. Reassuring herself, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel. Butfor once in her life, the light never came. Instead, whenever she thought she had hit a new low, it was only a matter of time before something worse came. A never-ending darkness, it seemed like. And it didn’t help that her classmates, her friends were unlikely to be doing much better. Ochako let out a frustrated groan.
Ochako lived to make people happy —she loved seeing them smile— and so she smiled too, hoping it would make them happy.But now, they were quarantined, and it made her go mad. Rarely did she get to see her friends’ faces or hear their voices. But she could tell, through texts, social media, and the like that they weren’t doing too well. Every time she recognised a friend not doing too well, it shattered her heart. Hearing the complaints, pleas, and even some darker jokes— it hurt . And as if that wasn’t enough, whatever shattered pieces of hope that were left only got pulverised further. Why?
She couldn’t do anything.
She tried; she really did: comforting words, reassuring tones, jokes to lighten the mood. It didn’t work. They said they felt better, thanked her even, but she saw through those texts like glass . It didn’t work. Gods, she wasn’t even sure if she herself could take it any longer. Maybe she’d gotten too good at holding it all in, and she hated it. But more negativity wasn’t what the world needed, so she kept her mind off it all.
She tried really, really hard, but the texts just kept coming.
“When will this end?”
“Can we all die already? lol.”
“Mass extinction when?”
“I just want to sleep, hibernate until this is over.”
“I miss you guys.”
She missed them too.
Humans were social beings, and taking interaction away was like taking a toddler’s squishy toy away— it never ended well. With her friends, everything was better. Ochako wanted to see them again. She wanted to be with them, play with them, learn with them, laugh with them, train with them. But she couldn’t; she had no choice. Now all she could do was to stay in her room, and worry her ass off about her friends. She sighed. That wasn’t all, heck, that wasn’t even the worst thing. Inevitably, she would find herself thinking about Deku.
She missed him .
It was like a part of her was missing. She was lost in the labyrinth that was her mind. Struggling to find motivation— the way out; struggling to find the means to push herself on. Was she to blame? It felt as if she were running into every dead end, falling into all the pits. And she was just there . Running and running, getting stuck and suffering. She wanted to give up.
Deku was what kept her going. He inspired her more than anything; he pushed her to be better. His kind heart, his determination, his perseverance. He was a hero in her eyes, and she wanted to be like him: a strong, kind hero, like him; he was powerful and brave, yet so humble and timid. Deku could go toe-to-toe with the scariest of villains without a flinch, heading into the most dangerous of situations just to save people. But the slightest of compliments and he would turn into a tomato. Ochako giggled.
Without him, things just— weren’t the same.
She missed that voice, that light, oh-so-pleasant mirth. Ochako sighed in content, reminiscing in the memories— but the smile soon twisted into a frown on her features.
However, the worst thing was— she worried about him so, so much. Deku lacked confidence. Coupled with a situation like this, that did not bode well. Oftentimes, she would check on him. He might have tried to hide it, but she could tell clear as day: he wasn’t himself.
It hurt her to think about it. He’d mentioned something about his past not being the most pleasant; she was sure that was an understatement. Given the big mess quarantine had been, was he really going to be alright?
Ochako wasn’t taking any risks. For her, even acting without thinking would be better than not acting, only to regret it later.
Who saves the heroes when they need saving?
She was going to take it on herself. Plenty of time, little to do; she could think of something. With newfound determination, Ochako clenched her fist. Think, think, think! Her fist thumped rhythmically on her desk as she delved into the possibilities and ideas. Then she felt something, velvety and delicate. The pages of her notebook stared back at her intently.
That was the epiphany. Ochako’s bob of messy brown hair danced as she tilted her head about, looking for and grabbing some supplies: multi coloured pens, pencils, markers, and a few highlighters. Ochako got to work, earnestly maintaining her best penmanship as sounds of ballpoint on paper filled the room.
The girl rubbed her hands as she looked over her work with an eager grin. This was it. This was gonna work.
They were only allowed to leave their rooms during mealtimes, and each student was allocated a specific time period of five minutes to get their grub and go straight back to their rooms. The times were staggered, so no more than two students would be out at a time.
She waited her turn, and as the clock struck quarter past twelve, she made a beeline to Deku’s room on the second floor. She took a glance, knocked, slipped the note under the door, and just like that she was gone.
For the first time in… forever Ochako felt proud, excited, and elated, her footsteps light as air as she contemplated her choices for lunch.
Silence had become the norm in Izuku’s room. In the absence of sound, only his ever growing thoughts —good and bad— filled the void. Silence could be a warm, welcome breeze, calming his mind; it could also be a chilling gale, uncomfortable and unbearable. That was the more common one. Whichever it was, the lack of noise was a constant. Hence even the light “knock, knock” on his door was deafening, booming and reverberating through the small space. What could it be? Who could it be? He definitely wasn’t expecting anything anytime soon.
Shuffling out of bed and trodding towards the door. The answer presented itself through sight: a piece of paper, brightly decorated with vibrant colours. He hummed in thought, perplexed. It was odd for sure, but he welcomed the surprise.
Picking it up, Izuku recognised the handwriting instantly, all neat and pretty. Highlighters brightened up the outlines of the note with many shades On the top right corner was a… bunny? A cute drawing. His face scrunched up in thought as he scanned through the note.
To: Deku
Hey! Good afternoon! It’s been a while huh? How’s your day going? I’ve been struggling with homework.
The line ended with a little face drawn in pencil, showing her frustration. Gods, just reading that, he could hear Ochako’s bright, chirpy voice in his mind. He ignored the pang he felt at that, focusing instead on the question there: why?
He was probably muttering again as he made his way back to the comfort of the bed, picking up his smartphone.
Izuku chuckled. Digging out a pen from the mess that was his desk. It felt odd in his hands; he hadn’t written anything physically in what felt like years , courtesy of online lessons. Oh gosh, his handwriting was horrible. He hoped the penmanship was legible at least for Ochako.
The boy eagerly tapped his feet to the ground, waiting for the clock to strike half past twelve. The idea was strange, but it ought to be fun! Finally, it was his turn to get food. Instead, Izuku crept quietly to the girls’ side of the dorm on the fourth floor. It felt forbidden, like he wasn’t supposed to be there. He jumped at the tiniest of noises, as if he were getting caught with his pants down. First room on the fourth floor, was it? His venture came to an end as he slipped the note under the door and gingerly knocked. Ashido was on the same floor, right? Things would not turn out well if she saw that; she always got the wrong ideas! He hotfooted it to the kitchen as soon as his errand was done.
And so it began.
Ochako practically leapt out of her bed when she heard the knock on her door. Was it just her, or did the weather just get better? Outside was bright and sunny, and she couldn’t help but smile as she skipped over to the door, picking up the note.
Day 1, Lunch
To: Deku
Hey! Good afternoon! It’s been a while huh? How’s your day going? I’ve been struggling with homework. (>.<)
Good afternoon! I’m doing well, I guess? And I can help with homework! Oh, and that’s a cute bunny you drew!
“Well, I guess?” Did not sound too good to Ochako, but she was happy to get some progress on this new ‘project’.
Day 1, Dinner
Aw, it’s just that there has been so much homework lately… but I’ll ask if I need help! Thanks! Deku that is not a bunny!! It’s my failed attempt at drawing you… but it’s okay! (I know you’re apologising for that right now, Deku!) Tell me how dinner went?
Oh! It’s a good drawing! I’m really sorry I thought it was a bunny! Dinner was good, I made katsudon for myself! What about you? And I hope you get a good night’s sleep!
She— she drew him? Izuku felt his face heat up. That did look like his old hero costume, and hey, the drawing was cute!
Day 2, Breakfast
I told you not to apologise! Hmph. Katsudon? That sounds great, you made it yourself? I kinda just like all food, ya know? I rarely got to eat a lot of variety back then :(
I did sleep well, thank you! I hope you did too!
Uraraka-san, I’m sorry for bringing that up, I didn’t mean to hurt you! I’ll make up for it, I swear!
Day 2, Lunch
It’s alright, I’m not hurt! No worries! Let’s go on, how’s your morning run?
Sorry… Well, it was good! And umm to answer your questions yesterday: yeah! Mum taught me how to cook when I was younger.
Silly Deku. He was so sweet sometimes, too sweet. Ochako shook her head with a smile as she walked on to the kitchen. It was soon to be dinnertime, and she hadn’t written her reply yet; she just didn’t know what to talk about, really. Whatever she would decide on, she hoped it would make him happy: that was all she cared about.
Now, what should she have for dinner? Ochako was sure she had ran out of her leftovers from the day before, and it was the weekend, so no cafeteria food. Usually, the class would take turns cooking for everyone, but that was obviously not possible now. The 1-A dorm kitchen was a large one, simple but practical in design. Cabinets lined the walls, each with a name on it; that was where they would keep their foodstuffs, other than in their own rooms. Each cabinet also had a mini fridge.
Ochako opened hers up. Not a lot of variety. Some rice, a carrot, some onions, mochi! Wait, nope, not for dinner. She hummed in thought. There weren’t any eggs left, so she would have to get some soon… she would have to get a lot of things, actually. Oh gosh, what was left for dinner? It was hard to get groceries now, and she knew she should’ve stocked up more… there were some discounts she could’ve gotten. It was imperative, as an aspiring hero, to have good meals, and that didn’t seem likely today.
She closed her cabinet and sighed. Maybe she would have to settle for a sandwich. Ochako looked to the island countertop, situated in the middle of everything, where they kept the bread.. And there was something else there? The large black bowl piqued her interest. Walking over, she found it neatly sealed with some cling wrap. On it was a sticky note. Her eyes widened as she read it:
Katsudon for: Uraraka-san, no one else!
- Remove cling wrap
- Heat in microwave for 2-3mins on high
- Remember to add a cup of water in the microwave!
Please enjoy!
Thank the gods, thank Deku. Wow, was that timely. He really was too sweet.
“Ding!”
The bowl came steaming out of the microwave, and instantly a heavenly aroma filled Ochako’s nostrils. The savoury scent of eggs, the fragrant spring onions, the saccharine katsudon sauce, she couldn’t wait; she was trying out Deku’s cooking!
Perfect, just perfect. Tender pork, flavourful onions, delicious fried eggs, and well-cooked rice. The flavours exploded in her mouth as she took the first bite.
It was a divine meal, and she would be showing her gratitude for sure.
Day 2, Dinner
DEKU... You shouldn’t have! But it’s sooo gooooood! Thank you, thank you, thank you! :D
Hehe… I usually make a few extra portions to keep. I told you I’d make up for that… sorry again. Did you follow the instructions I noted? Heat it up right? Was the rice alright?
The smiles that night could light up the sky. It was working. A few days had gone by, and it was like they could finally see the light peeking at the end of the tunnel. The fun exchange brightened up their days. Time seemed to go on faster, and they felt invigorated every day. Suddenly, lockdown wasn’t so bad after all. Slowly but surely, their moods improved like a booming stock market in the 1950s.
They went over just about everything. From training and homework to games, stories, and even some gossip. Each day, they grew closer despite the separation
Playing Games
Tic Tac Toe always ends in a tie, and you’re too good at Hangman! (T_T) Can we play something else?
Maybe we can draw things and guess what they are? Like your ‘bunny Deku’ in the first one?
Here, I’ll start:
You have 3 guesses, good luck Uraraka-san!
Deku that’s All Might isn’t it?
Whaaat? How did you know so fast? I was going to add more detail until you got it right...
LOL that’s too easy, you could’ve left it blank and I would still guess All Might, you dork!
Hmph! Was it that obvious? No fun :( It’s your turn now I guess…
Just a week left to go. The sunlight peeked into Ochako’s room, giving it a magical glow. The room was simple and practical, plain even. Usually, all the decoration it had was the small photo frames of her family and friends she would put up. Now, strewn all over the floor were papers by the dozens. The sound of paper flapping about as her fan oscillated through the room could be considered a nuisance, but for her it felt simply serene. She lay on her belly in the middle of the wonderful mess, writing away as her legs fluttered joyfully; they were light as air. Markers were rolling about while she scribbled away. Humming an upbeat tune, her smile never faded.
It felt great. Deku was doing better, so she was happy too, knowing that she had helped make his days even just a little bit better, that she made a difference. Ochako was ecstatic. It was all she could wish for. The notes were definitely going to be kept well. Each and every one of the papers was not only filled with words and brightly coloured doodles, but with memories she would cherish forever.
After she finished up the latest reply, she went around the room, picking up every last one and neatly placing them in a stack on her desk. Maybe she could reread them sometime? It would cheer her up any day.
Through the experience, it was as if they made a connection. Ochako lived for that. With the busy lives of heroes-in-training, they never had so much time to talk to each other. With each passing day, she learned more about him, and she embraced all of it.
It reminded her.
The feelings she kept locked only got stronger and stronger every additional day they were stuck in lockdown. She really missed him. And through the notes, it was like getting food after starving for a day or two. Forging this new connection to him made her feel special. The strange thoughts in the endless pit of her mind at night would say otherwise, but the notes kept coming; they fueled her emotions like they were a bonfire, all warm and fuzzy. She always slept the best when he kept her company in her dreams.. She could hear his cheerful, adorable voice through the notes, and it translated to her thoughts.
But when dawn came, she reminded herself, day in and day out: put it away, put it away. It was a never-ending cycle. Though, how long could she do it for?
She shook the thoughts away.
After finishing up her latest reply, she went around the room, picking up every last note and neatly placing them in a stack on her desk. Maybe she could read them sometime? It would cheer her up any day.
Cheer her up.
Was she really happy?
Was she really okay? She told herself she was; a lie told often enough became the truth, right? And it worked: it felt great most of the time. Most of the time… Her gaze wandered to the photos of her parents she kept on her desk.
Shaking her head violently again, she let out a frustrated grunt. She couldn’t. Ochako needed to be happy, cheerful, and optimistic. He needed her to be that way. Otherwise, who would be the one to help him?
She sighed and put on her smile again. It was time to deliver the goods; there was no space for any negativity. And she felt good once again; Ochako had really gotten good at putting all the doom and gloom aside.
Hobbies
Sooo what do you usually do in your free time ? (Other than make notes of course xD)
Hey, my notes are important!
They might be helpful in the future. I’ve been filling up your page recently, and it’s the longest in my whole notebook now!
I… don’t do much else. Watch old All Might videos maybe? I’m so plain lol.
Oh, I have the longest notes? Hehe… ヽ(＊>∇<)ﾉ
It’s alright Deku, it’s cool being so passionate!
Hmm I do origami sometimes!
Origami? That’s so cool! I’ve always wanted to learn it.
Oh oh ok here I’ll show you!
I put some origami paper with this and even drew the fold lines!
Whoa, thanks Uraraka-san! I’ll try my best!
Dekuuu… you did it all wrong! Were my instructions that bad?
Should we try again?
Uh, sorry! I’m… not the best at these kinds of things. And sure!
Papercut
Yeah! You should try that one too, it really helps with my shoulders' strength.
Ok, I’ll be doing it! I just got a papercut (>.<) it hurts!
Uraraka-san! It’s been a while now, are you okay? Did you make sure to wash it, clean up the wound? Put a plaster on it, an infection would be bad. Papercuts really hurt, Uraraka-san, I hope you’re alright. Wait, okay I’ll give you some plasters along with this note! Do you need antiseptic?
Calm down Deku I’m finee it’s just a papercut, I’m not gonna die, dummy! Thanks for worrying, though, and the plasters!
Three days left. Izuku was pumped. Bad thoughts, horrible dreams, the unforgiving spectres that haunted his mind— they were all gone, replaced with positivity. The hop in his step came back, and it was all thanks to Ochako.
It was getting dark. The blue haze of day gave way to a blanket of darkness, where stars lit up the sky like grains of sugar. The room was illuminated dimly by the faint glow of the full moon through his balcony’s glass doors. Reds and blues of All Might memorabilia painted the walls.
He sat comfily on the bed, legs warm and fidgety with excitement and content. In the boy’s hands were his share of notes. Izuku read through each one like they were ancient artifacts, too fragile— too precious— for the world. The light chuckles that often bubbled up while reading made him feel so, so joyful. Those were things he would forever be grateful for. He never realised how hard he had hit rock bottom previously, and being pulled out —being saved by her — put his emotions into perspective.
It was revitalising, rejuvenating, invigorating. He never realised how long he went without waking up feeling energised, never realised how much he missed it; the feeling was blissful. He was motivated again; working out was a walk in the park, a breeze. Studying and homework went by quickly— all thanks to her.
Every day, he would look forward to her knocking on the door, followed by the light giggle that would enrapture him; it was divine. He could not wipe the stupid grin of his face whenever he read the delightful notes, whenever he wrote them. It was magical, almost like he had fallen into a hypnotic trance.
Every night, he would read through the day’s exchange before going to bed. The tone of her voice was so clear in his mind; it was soothing, and it made him sleep like a log. Sweet dreams only. He’d missed her so much before, it was like a craving to interact. It felt wrong almost, the warm feeling kindling in his chest-- the want, the need to be with her. He felt safe in her presence, safe from anything and everything. No bad dreams, no bad thoughts, no dangers at all. To him, she was like an angel looking after him. Just what did he do to deserve such a great… friend?
And then it hit him: she’d saved him again . Where would he be now if it weren’t for her? Definitely not in high spirits. Countless times already, it was her prying apart the claws of his own troubles to pull him out, to save him. All he ever wanted was to return the favour, but it seemed impossible. Did he just fail once more?
How did she do it so easily? In all instances, Uraraka was the supporting pillar of 1-A, the one who saved the heroes . It was her words that cheered everyone up and held everyone together when the going got rough. She really made it seem so easy . Izuku only wished to be able to do what she did.
You’re really amazing, Uraraka-san. He smiled. He really didn’t deserve to have met someone like her.
The very first day they met, the sports festival, the training camp, the fight against Chisaki, Blackwhip, Deku: his hero name. Every step along the way to becoming heroes, she’d been helping him, saving him, and she would continue to do so, stopping at nothing to help lift him up.
He would be forever grateful, so he wanted to return the favour and help her for once. Ochako always seemed affable, but he knew her downfalls, he’d seen them before. Those times where he could see her mask slip. She always tried to hide it and keep it to herself; that couldn’t be healthy. That was her: she’d never let her own problems ruin everyone else’s mood; she always wanted the best for others. But for once, Izuku thought, maybe it was time to really check on her. She’d been asking about how he was doing through the notes, but he never did the same. He failed yet again— no , that’s not what Uraraka would say; he still had time left to do something. He would do it, he had to; if nothing else, it was prime time to really show his gratitude.
Hence, he picked up the pen and got to writing.
To: Uraraka-san
Hello! There’s 3 days left to go, and I’m excited for things to start getting back to normal! I’m writing this because uh, it’s long overdue and I just wanted to say, thank you, really, for everything. Before the notes started, it was such a mess, I… was useless. I was unmotivated, I got tired from doing absolutely nothing, the nightmares and negative thoughts just kept coming. And then you came along and changed everything. I’m really happy now :D thanks to you, I wouldn’t be here without you. It’s like what happened when we met and became friends now that I think of it. Before I met you I was basically, nothing. You helped make me a better person, a better hero. You’ve saved me so many times, like, remember the entrance exam? I would’ve died! And then you… flipped my world around when you changed the meaning of ‘Deku’, not to mention the incident during our match with 1-B. So… here goes nothing:
Thank you, for always saving me.
Thank you, for always being there for me, to cheer me up.
Thank you, for… being my friend.
I missed you, honestly. Uraraka-san, you’re just amazing. You inspire me to do better. You’re kind, determined, and you help keep us together, really. I’ll be returning your favour one day, trust me I will.
So, thank you. I’ll forever be grateful.
From: The Deku who does his best!
Wow, Deku :’)
I don’t know what to say. You’re very welcome, Deku, it’s nothing really, you don’t owe me anything.You need to give yourself more credit as well. Well, you’ve helped me more than you think, I’ve become a better hero all thanks to you! You’re an inspiration to me, and you’re my hero, y’know? You saved me at the entrance exam too! And our battle trials?
So thank you too! I’m so happy you’re feeling better!
You meant all that? Uraraka-san thank you thank you thank you!
That’s enough thank yous haha. You’re welcome!
So, um… I think now’s a good time. You keep asking me if I’m doing alright, but… what about you? How has lockdown been for you? If you’re feeling down, I’ll be glad to try and help too, or at least lend an ear!
Oh, I’m fine. Thanks for asking though!
You sure? Alright then! I’m glad. But do know I’ll be willing to help you anytime! You’re not alone, Uraraka-san.
Thanks!
Liar. She was a liar. Well, Ochako was truly happy that she’d helped him, but all the things she kept bottled up inside had taken a toll on her. She was weak; she had failed far too many times. Every time she looked back at everything she did, it felt like she could’ve done better. She needed to get stronger, and she needed to do it faster, for her parents, for Deku, for everyone. How could she keep them waiting so long? It always came back to bite her, even though she pushed herself a little further every day. What if she wasn’t really trying her best? What if her best wasn’t even enough? Inside, she knew she gave it her all day after day, but then why did her progress feel so slow? Then quarantine came, and it was all wasted; things just went downhill. She always chose not to think about it, but it brought no good, only a bad mood. So here she was again, keeping this to herself. Would she blow up like a balloon? Nah, she could take it; she’d gotten too good at keeping the negativity inside. And hence she lied.
But it was justified, right? Dumping all her burdens onto him just wasn’t right. What if it made him all sad again? he wasn’t going to gamble. Besides, she could take it. For him. She knew she could...
Could she?
Okay, she had to stop thinking about all that, Maybe it was time for a shower…
The air felt cool against her bare skin as she undressed herself and stepped under her showerhead. It’s been a long day, so the shower ought to help her get ready for the night. Well, that was what she thought, at least. It was never good when her thoughts ran wild, so she hoped this would put an end to that. Ochako sighed in content as the warm droplets of water trickled down her skin.
“What a day… what’s wrong with me?” she whispered to herself, keeping her breath steady as she proceeded to soap herself.
You know exactly what’s wrong, Ochako.
Uh oh, not now. Please, please, not now, not ever.
You’re a liar.
It’s happening, oh gods. It had been days since she last heard from her. This voice, it was her own, but it only leaked venom; it was her biggest naysayer: herself. The voice would come and go as it liked, and it was wholly unpleasant whenever it came. This time, however, it felt even worse.
The voice, it got louder.
You can’t take it, Ochako; you know it.
It made her quiver in spite of the warm water.
You’re such a disappointment. A failure.
It hurt, like a dagger right through her gut.
Mum and dad aren’t happy at all; you know that. They’re lying, just like you. You can’t take it.
Why did she feel so cold all of a sudden? The water, once soothing, was now scorching in contrast to her ice cold skin.
Just go ahead and dump it all on Deku, you useless bitch.
Her knees buckled. The water was still running as her breath sped up. She started gasping for air. It was always like this when the darkest of her thoughts took over. All she wanted was for it to go away.
Or do you not trust him? What a pity. You’re trying to help him? You’re pathetic.
Ochako grimaced and dug her fingernails deep into her thighs. She gripped harder; it hurt, butit helped with the thoughts. Physical pain was nothing compared to the toxic words. She knew she shouldn’t be doing this, but it couldn’t be helped. Tears stung at her eyes and threatened to fall. The light in her shower felt way too bright.
You’re weak. You were too slow to even save Nighteye; what makes you think you can save him?
She took a deep breath. One, two, three— and exhaled, repeating the process to calm herself.
What are you gonna do now? Just give up alre—
Okay, okay, it was finally gone. Ochako shook her head, making sure it would not be coming back anytime soon. She turned the shower off, but stayed there for a moment while the remaining droplets tapped on her skin.
What was she going to do now?
You’re not alone, Uraraka-san.
No— she could take it, keep it to herself. She could hold on, she—
She couldn’t.
Her movements were slow as she got up to dry and dress herself. Ochako just had to accept it: she couldn’t take it anymore; it was needed, help was needed. And she trusted him more than anyone else to talk about the matter in mind.
Would he be okay? Would she be a burden? He did say he really wanted to return the favour, though he really didn’t owe her anything. Deku would, though; he was a real hero, a hero who never gave up and always did his best… unlike her .
Urgh, no— she hadn’t given up yet. Help was really needed. So she hoped he wouldn’t look at her any differently… no. She knew he wasn’t like that.
It was decided.
It was getting late when she finally finished up her note. Ochako was on her bed now, all dressed up in comfy pyjamas. As she put the lengthy note aside after a quick proofread, she let out a sigh. It was by no means easy for her to write, but already, she felt the weight on her shoulders, once crushing, lighten up.
Sleeping was no easy task; all the worries in the back of her mind growled at her menacingly throughout the night. She woke up feeling melancholy, and as she delivered the note, it just felt— off. A solemn frown blemished her features as she knocked on his door, slower than usual, before walking off right back to her room. All the uncertainty really caused her appetite to take a hit, but she wished for the best.
To: Deku
Good morning, Deku. I… I really want to apologise for yesterday. I’m a dumb, stupid liar, Deku. I’m not myself, I’m not okay. I’m really sorry.
Would it be alright if I just... took some time to vent? I don’t want to make you feel sad, but I— I just couldn’t take it yesterday, I don’t know what happened. So I already wrote it down below, and you can ignore it, really, go on with our previous note! I wanna know how you saved that cat! Writing it all out did help, so don’t worry, okay?
I was genuinely happy before all this started, but it’s been getting worse and worse lately. I’ve gotten too good at keeping all the bad stuff in and I was proud of it, I shouldn’t be worrying anyone else after all. But recently… it got worse, it got really bad. Over these weeks I felt alright most the time, but once in a while, I hear… voices in my head. And they say bad things and don’t wanna go away and... and the situation keeps getting worse too!
My parents— they haven’t been doing too well. The pandemic… wasn’t easy on their jobs. I keep talking to them, and they always cheer me up, tell me that they're fine— they don’t want me to worry but I just can’t help it. The government helped a little but I can tell— they’re tired. I don’t even know if they’re getting full meals half the time! And it feels horrible. I was supposed to help them and now I’m just, just being useless over here. I could’ve done better, I need to do it faster, I need to support them.
But I can’t. And now they’re the ones trying not to worry me, making sure I’m happy— I can’t take it. I feel so bad and I wanna work… harder… but I can’t! I’m just stuck here and it feels awful. I know everyone else isn’t doing great either and I wanna help them, I don’t want to see you guys suffer. I’m just so… so powerless here. I really don’t know.
Thank you Deku, you’ve really helped me feel better the last 3 weeks. Don’t worry, I’ll be fighting on, I’m never gonna give up! It just hurts for now I guess... I just want all this to be over, I wish this never happened in the first place. I hate it.
Woo that felt good, thanks for reading this if you are. You don’t need to reply if you don’t want to— and I hope I didn’t ruin your mood! And again I’m sorry, Deku.
From: Ochako
As Izuku read on, he could feel the sting of tears gradually building up in his eyes. The streaks of stained blue ink on the paper… clearly from her own teardrops elicited an aching in his heart. And even when it was her confiding, when it was her who needed help, she was still worrying, making sure he wouldn’t be affected negatively. Uraraka really was amazing.
He knew how she felt, that feeling of powerlessness— being unable to do anything. The fact that she felt it too was just horrible . She shouldn’t have to go through that. Coupled with the situation of her parents. Her honourable goals to support them, gosh, that must hurt for her. It was odd, but all he wanted to do now was to give her a hug
She helped him —helped save him— so many times, and now it was finally his turn to return the favour; it was his turn to save her.
He would do his very best.
Uraraka-san, please don’t beat yourself up over not telling me at first. You managed to do it now, right? Better late than never. Don’t feel bad, I think I’d be more worried if you hadn’t said anything!
I’m really sorry you have to go through that, Uraraka-san. The situation now, it’s really horrible and your parents— that must really hurt, I can’t imagine how you’re feeling… I’m sorry. Let’s just hope all this ends sooner rather than later?
Don’t say that about yourself! You know how much you’ve helped me. And throughout the year, I think you’re the one that keeps our class in one piece, Uraraka-san. We wouldn’t make it through without you. You’re wonderful, you’re kind, you’re really amazing.
Sorry, I’m not the best at… comforting people, but I really hope you feel better.
I’m glad to hear you’ll be persistent. Let’s work hard together, okay?
Plus Ultra,
Deku
Finally, the sun rose to light up the sky like a perfect flame, on the perfect day. Shades of orange and rose, azure and magenta, amber and gold: the sun gave colour to the world with its warm rays.
The day had come. It was the end of U.A’s lockdown measures and the first day back to class. Of course, other rules still applied.
Ochako put on her mask, a bright pink colour which hid the grin she had plastered on. Talking to Deku about her problems the past few days had been the best decision she’d ever made. It was like a dam finally being broken down. She felt lighter, as if gravity were weaker when she hopped out of her room. It would be a long road to a full recovery, but she was happy to have taken the first steps on the journey, even happier to have taken them with him. His words, even on paper, felt so sincere, so caring, so Deku. That familiar fluttering in her chest came back.
It made her feel safe; when she was at her highest, he would be there to giggle and celebrate with her. When she was at her lowest, he would be there to lend an ear and cheer her up. And the best thing was it went both ways— they saved each other.
As Ochako exited the elevator on the first floor, she soon found herself looking for that familiar mop of green hair, that pile of freckles she called a friend. Briefly acknowledging the other early risers of 1-A, Ochako conducted a thorough search of the floor.
There he was: messy tie, generic disposable face mask… enrapturing emerald eyes. Their gazes locked, and immediately, the two were running on a collision course with each other.
She found herself in a tight embrace, fitting together with him like it was the most natural thing ever. The proximity felt so fresh, so new to her. It took awhile for her to even realise what they were doing, but even as heat rushed to her face, she didn’t let go.. The warmth radiated between the two, and it was the most comfortable thing ever. He felt safe. She felt safe. Ochako buried her face into Izuku’s shoulder. She could feel him hold on tighter.
Thank you, for always saving me.
From the very first day, he’d saved her, too. He inspired her to do better every day, making her the best version of herself.
She lifted her head to look at him, and in his eyes was a glazed look of gratitude and concern. He spoke first. His arm around her back caressed her gently, like she was the most precious thing ever. “You— you really shouldn’t have to go through all that, Uraraka-san. I’m sorry.” He remembered. The worry in his voice made her emotions run wild.
“It— it’s okay. Thank you for saving me, Deku-kun.” Her voice was low, and she didn’t need to put anything into it to make the sentiment as wholehearted as possible; it was natural.
Izuku only shook his head. “No, thank you. For— for always saving me. ”
They held the embrace, and soon there was a shift; the hug encompassed a different type of warmth, though neither could place a finger on what it was. It was deep, primal, and they only wanted more.
“How long are you two going to stay there?”
They broke apart instantly. It looked like they had gathered quite the crowd, and they were glad the masks could hide how crimson red their faces must’ve been.
“You ruined it, dumbass!”
“It’s one meter apart, by the way. Sorry, guys.” The group chuckled.
It felt good to be back.
The school day came to an end. They were to get back to their own rooms as quickly as possible, and Ochako did. The day was special to her; the words, the hug, the company. She was getting better already, and everyone else was too. It would take time, she knew that, and it would not be easy. Though with him, it just felt like nothing was impossible; because she knew, Deku would be by her side; he had always been, and will always be . And she was thankful for that.
The stack of notes that lay on her desk got her thinking back. She was so, so lucky to have such an amazing person by her side, and knowing he had the same gratitude towards her felt simply divine .
It sent her mind into a frenzy once again. His notes, his words, his… warmth.
You’re really amazing, Deku-kun.
How long could she do it for?
Holding things in, keeping them to herself wasn’t the best strategy— she’d just learnt that. Maybe it was time to do something. Could she? Could they? She didn’t know, but what she did know was— he made her better, she made him better; they saved each other. That was enough for her.
A new sheet of paper, a few pens, a whole lot of heart.
Dear Deku,
Good afternoon! :D I’m writing to— tell you something! … I’ve wanted to for a long time, the whole year really. But before that, I just wanna say:
Thank you for saving me, always.
… …
… …
