Chapter Text
Asami sat at the board room table and slouched down in the high-backed chair. This part of the agenda was of little concern to her as the Council discussed more political matters. She fiddled with her pen and Asami’s mind wandered to other places. She wanted to leave the meeting but honestly, where would she go? Well, there was one place, but she didn’t feel she was wanted there.
The young industrialist realized her existence the past few months was lonely and sad, at best. She had felt emptiness before, but for some reason the feelings had taken a deeper grip on her recently. Asami ached almost to her soul. She knew exactly why. But all she could do was endure, as fixing the situation was out of her control, just as it had been for nearly half a year.
Asami wasn’t sure if it was the woman she longed for, or if it was the life she could have had with her, that created the most damage to her psyche. They never even dated, had been a couple, or as much as kissed. But Korra somehow found her way deep into Asami’s heart. That’s all it took. Now Asami couldn’t imagine a life with anyone but Korra. Unfortunately, she didn’t know if Korra felt the same...now or ever.
Asami hated feeling this way, but she had no direction on how to fix it. The young woman felt truly and entirely alone.
As the meeting ended and people cleared the room, Tenzin walked over to Asami and put a hand on her shoulder.
“Hello Ms. Sato. It has been too long since we last saw you,” Tenzin said.
“Hi Tenzin. Yes, it has been...awhile,” Asami replied with a light sigh.
Tenzin had a look of concern as he noticed how subdued and lethargic the young woman appeared. “Pema and I were just speaking of you the other evening. We have missed your company.”
Asami gave a weak smile. “I’ve missed you too.”
“Would you be available to visit Air Temple Island this evening for dinner?” Tenzin asked with a kind smile.
There was a light glimmer in her eye as she looked at the tall, air bending master. “You know Tenzin, that would be very nice. Thank you.”
“Splendid. Dinner is at the usual time,” he said. “We will be looking forward to your arrival this evening.”
Tenzin turned and left the room. For the first time in months, Asami felt some levity in her heart.
Instead of the ferry, Asami took her personal boat out to Air Temple Island. Mostly to give her freedom to leave when she wanted instead of being on a schedule. Honestly, she was looking forward to seeing everyone but was afraid as to how she would react to being somewhere that was filled with so many memories of Korra. Any doubts were cast aside as soon as she stepped onto the dock. Asami was engulfed with hugs from Jinora, Ikki, and Meelo. Not far behind were Pema and Tenzin.
“We are so happy you are here,” Pema said as she gave Asami a motherly hug. “Let’s go inside to eat and get caught up.” She put an arm around Asami and directed her toward the dining hall. Pema gave Tenzin a concerned glance over her shoulder as they walked. The young woman beside her looked so pale and thin compared to when she had seen her last.
Just a few steps forward and Asami already felt lighter than she had in months. Having Pema’s arm around her made the world seem less empty than it was moments ago. Then Ikki took Asami’s free hand in hers and walked alongside her. Asami let out a sigh of relief and smiled down at the little girl.
Dinner went very well. They all visited and filled in the gaps of their lives from the past few months. It was the best meal Asami had in a while and it was the most she had smiled in a long time. The warmth Tenzin and his family naturally exuded was exactly what Asami needed right now and had deeply missed.
As she had always done in the past, Asami helped Pema clean up after dinner. Oddly, a simple task like doing dishes was something Asami found relaxing. She handed a freshly washed plate to the matriarch.
“Pema, thank you so much for tonight. I really needed this,” Asami said with sincerity.
“We know dear,” Pema said. “Every time Tenzin saw you in Republic City, he came home worried about you. I don’t mean to pry, but how are you doing...really?” Pema emphasized the last word.
Asami continued to scrub one of the plates but gave out a deep sigh.
“I don’t know...I’m busy with work, but that’s all I am doing. The rest of the time, the little I try to make for myself, I honestly don’t know what to do. I didn’t realize all the things I had filled my days with until...until...”
“Until Korra went back home,” Pema finished for the struggling young woman. “We all miss her, Asami. But I believe for you, the feelings you have for Korra run much deeper than the rest of us.”
Asami’s head bowed lower and she stopped her task.
“Just the weeks you devoted to taking care of her after the battle,” Pema continued. “I saw how your connection with one another grew stronger, even more than it was before.” Pema put a hand on Asami’s shoulder. “I know you are hurting. Tenzin told me you wanted to go with Korra and she said no. I’m sure she had her reasons, and some of them were to look out for you. Yet, when you want to be with someone but can’t, I know how much that hurts. It’s understandable why you seem so lost right now.”
Asami’s eyes got wider as she looked to Pema in surprise. How did she know?
“Is it that obvious?” Asami said. “I’ve tried so hard...I don’t know...”
“Dear, for those of us close to you and Korra, we understand and have watched you two...evolve,” Pema said cautiously. “It is a rare gift.”
“But I have written to her for almost six months and haven’t heard anything back from her. I don’t know if she is okay or not. I don’t know if I did something wrong or why I’ve been shut out,” Asami confessed with urgency as tears welled up in her eyes.
“Asami, none of us have heard from Korra,” Pema said as she rubbed Asami’s upper arms as a way to calm her down. “All we have heard is from Katara...Korra is having a difficult time and is still in the wheelchair. Katara said she is trying hard but the progress is very slow and small.”
Asami was crushed by her selfishness. “I...I didn’t know...this has to be so hard for Korra...I feel horrible, throwing my pity around. This isn’t about me...”
“Asami, you are entitled to feel your pain as much as Korra feels hers. You are both hurting right now...but in different ways,” Pema said. “Just don’t be frustrated with her not writing you. I’m positive she misses you as much as you miss her.”
“But Korra has other things she needs to overcome first,” Asami finished. Pema sympathetically looked at Asami and pulled her in for a hug.
“There’s one more thing,” Pema said as she broke the hug and looked Asami in the eyes. “Tenzin and I have talked and we would like it if you’d move back to Air Temple Island for a while.”
Asami had a blank look on her face.
“Asami, you need to be around people that care for you. You aren’t doing yourself any good burying yourself in your work and then being alone with your thoughts the rest of the time. We want to see some of your spark again, and we think spending more time here with us will help,” Pema explained.
As she gathered all that was just said, a rush of warmth filled her heart and her entire body. Asami hugged Pema enthusiastically.
“I take it, that is a yes?” Pema responded.
Asami nodded her head, smiling, despite the tear coming down her cheek.
“That’s wonderful news. Plus, it’s going to be nice to have some help with the dishes once and awhile,” Pema said. Both of them laughed.
The next evening Asami returned to the island. Her motorboat was packed with enough suitcases to allow her to stay, well, for as long as she needed. She was thankful for the change of scenery and for the people that would help occupy some of her time. The island itself was simple and serene. She often felt a sense of peace when she was there.
Now that Asami realized that she had to stop constantly pining for Korra, this would likely be the best place to start. There were memories of Korra on the island but they would help her feel connected to her in a way - even though she was probably not coming back for some time. If Asami could move past the constant sadness that filled her days, she knew she would be stronger for what Korra would need her to be once she returned.
Asami unpacked and settled back into the room that she was very familiar with. This was the room she first moved into a few years ago after she chose to turn against her father. When she discovered he was an Equalist and a criminal. That was the second most difficult time in her life, but being here on the island helped her heal.
This was also the same room Asami stayed as she helped Korra after she was poisoned. Although, the more Korra came to depend on her, the less time she spent in this room. But this was where Asami came to center herself a few moments each day so she could be strong for Korra. This room encased her own breakdowns and tears as her heart struggled witnessing first hand, her best friend, the Avatar, unable to do the most basic tasks. Even sleep for Korra was nearly impossible with the night terrors. Now, knowing that all this time, Korra was still struggling similar to how she had those first few weeks, saddened Asami.
“Here I am again,” Asami said to the room. Another low point in her life and this was her refuge. A place to collect, reflect, heal and grow. She was grateful for this space and for the people here that have taken her in whenever she needed a family since she really had none of her own.
The first night at the island, Asami slept well, likely due to near exhaustion. Most nights afterward she was able to sleep all the way through, with only a few restless slumbers. But this night was one of those nights. She had a vivid dream of Korra and when she awoke, the longing for her draped her with a blanket of sadness.
Asami got out of bed and put on her robe and slippers. Her intent was to walk the feelings off and try to go back to sleep. Before she knew it, there she was, standing outside the door of Korra’s room. She opened the door, walked inside and quietly closed it behind her.
Asami looked around the room and it was much like the day she had helped Korra pack for the few weeks she was expected to spend back home with her parents. Because it was to be only temporary, there were a number of Korra’s belongings left behind. Tenzin and Pema must have also anticipated Korra would return and that’s why they had left things untouched. Again, everyone missed Korra.
Asami ran her fingers along the top of the dresser and found herself opening one of the drawers. There, neatly folded were a few pairs of Korra’s pajamas. She picked up one of the pajama tops and it unfolded. Asami took the fabric and brought it close, almost as if for a hug. She closed her eyes as she took in a breath from the shirt. Faint hints of Korra filled Asami’s memories.
“This was not a good idea,” she thought. Asami continued to clutch the shirt to her chest. “You still miss her,” she thought. “You aren’t going to feel whole until you can be with her again,” she thought. “This was a very bad idea coming into Korra’s room.”
Asami continued to hold onto the borrowed shirt as she moved toward the bed. How many hours did she spend in that bed cradling Korra in her arms as she cried herself back to sleep? Who was holding her now to help her through the nightmares?
Asami’s heart ached as she knew Korra was struggling through those nights alone now. She hoped Korra could at least pull from the memories of when Asami was there when she woke up. Maybe that would be enough? She hated not being able to fix this for Korra, even though she said it was up to her to fix herself. No one should have to do this alone when they had someone that wanted to be with them.
Without realizing it, Asami found herself curled up on Korra’s bed, resting her head on the same pillow that once held Korra’s head. Asami cried herself to sleep.