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The man who had helped Tonks up from the floor after she tripped over a particularly heavy umbrella stand gently yet promptly shushed her as she started to stammer out an apology.
"Not here, we don't want to wake Sirius' mum," he whispered. "Come along." Sirius' mum? What was he on about? Nevertheless, she was already nearly late for her first Order meeting, and so she settled for frowning at his back as she followed him downstairs.
As soon as they had entered the large, crowded kitchen, he promptly turned around and stuck out a hand.
"Remus Lupin," he said. Now that she could see him under the light, she noticed that he looked in need of a good night's sleep, and perhaps a good haircut as well, greying brown hair falling slightly into his eyes as he firmly grasped her hand. While she was at it, she thought he could use a new set of robes too; all in all, this Remus Lupin looked to be a bit rough around the edges. "I take it you're our new recruit?"
"Yes," she replied. "My name is Tonks." Over his shoulder, she caught sight of a man she hadn't seen in many years, her heart jumping as her cousin met her eyes and immediately strode across the room. Remus stepped to the side, smiling slightly.
"Nymphadora!" he cried, pulling her into a crushing hug. "Good god, you're all grown up now."
"Wotcher, Sirius," she replied, grinning. "And do not call me that or I will not hesitate to send you back to Azkaban."
"You haven't changed a bit," he said brightly. "I can't wait to catch up after the meeting, you'll have to stay for a drink. I see you've met my best mate Moony here?"
"Yes, though he didn't introduce himself as such."
"You didn't introduce yourself as Nymphadora, either, so I'd say we're about even," Remus replied, arching an eyebrow at her. "Alastor will likely want to speak to you before you meet the rest of the Order, so you should go find him."
"Er, right. I'll just go do that, then." She felt slightly miffed; she barely knew this man and it felt as if he was bossing her around already.
Her irritation gave way to excitement as she made her way around the room, chatting with several other members - some familiar, some new - before the meeting was called to order.
After the meeting, she was chatting with Hestia Jones. "Mad-Eye says you're a Metamorphmagus?" the curly haired witch asked curiously. Tonks grinned at her, screwed up her eyes, and morphed her hair back to her favorite pink - she'd settled on a dark blue for the meeting, deciding that perhaps it was better to be at least a bit more subdued than normal.
"Interesting hair to go with an interesting name," she heard a voice behind her say, and she turned to see Remus smiling slightly - or was he smirking?
Tonks opened her mouth to sputter an indignant response - she knew an insult when she heard one, of course - but he had already sidled away to talk to Sirius, and now he was leaning against the counter without even sparing a glance in her direction.
Arsehole, she thought. How her cool cousin Sirius was such good friends with a boring prat like him was beyond her. She supposed that childhood bonds really could outlast anything, for better or for worse.
Tonks had been in good spirits for her first few weeks of Order work. It was thrilling to feel like she was actually doing something. After tonight's meeting, however, she groaned quietly when she saw her name on the rota: N. Tonks + R. Lupin, Dept. of Myst.
Mad-Eye gave her a sharp look from where he was finishing rolling up his stack of parchments on the table. "What was that, lass? Didn't quite catch that." She rolled her eyes.
"Nothing."
"Good. Because I cannot possibly fathom what you would have to complain about."
"It's just…" she faltered. "Couldn't I switch with someone? For the next Ministry guard duty. I'm with Lupin and I don't think he likes me much."
"No," Moody replied shortly. "We only switch if there's a legitimate conflict. And what on earth gave you that impression?"
"Well we were together for my first watch at Harry's, and he barely spoke to me the entire time." She'd gotten the feeling that Remus found her a bit obnoxious; any time she asked a question, he gave her a polite response, but it had always been short and to the point. People who were that quiet all the time disturbed her a bit, if she was being honest. She knew that she could be...livelier than most, but who doesn't enjoy a bit of chit chat every now and then?
"Did it ever occur to you," Moody growled, "that maybe stakeouts aren't exactly the time to be chatting?" Tonks realized that she was barking up the wrong tree if she wanted Moody to be sympathetic to her plight.
"Right, forget I asked," she muttered. He stumped away from her, grumbling something about professionalism. She caught Remus' eye from across the room. He said something to Sirius, grasping his shoulder before heading over to where she was still standing at the kitchen table.
"Hello, Nymphadora."
"Please don't call me that, Remus."
"Right - sorry, Tonks. I see we are paired together again on Thursday. Would you like to meet here first or directly at the Ministry?" His tone was polite, but something about it still irked her.
"I have a shift at the Ministry that evening, so let's just meet there."
"That makes sense." He nodded, giving her a small smile. "Are you staying for dinner?"
"No, I promised my mum I would swing by for dessert tonight, so I've got to head out now."
"Alright, have a nice time with your parents." He cleared his throat. "Well, I will see you on Thursday. I'm looking forward to it."
"Right, me too," she muttered at his already retreating back.
He was so silent beside her that she would have thought he'd fallen asleep, if it weren't for the fact that they were shoulder to shoulder as they sat against the wall; she could feel him shift every so often as he tried to get comfortable on the hard floor.
"Why don't you talk to me, Lupin?" she said suddenly, unable to bear the silence. He started slightly next to her.
"We can talk if you'd like," he said politely. "I just figured you'd want to concentrate on the task at hand. What would you like to talk about?" She wished he would stop being so fucking polite. They were staring at a door, for god's sake. The task at hand? What was he on about?
"No, I'm not talking about just now. I mean at the meetings. At dinner. You hardly ever strike up a conversation. I've had a real conversation with nearly everyone else in the Order by now but you. And I feel like whenever I try talking to you that I'm just annoying you."
"I didn't realize I was...I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to come across that way."
"Yes well, you're always joking around with Sirius, and you're perfectly pleasant to Hestia and Emmeline and that lot, you and Arthur are always catching up about something or other and Molly won't stop banging on about how lovely you are to anyone who'll listen, but you've hardly spoken three words to me since we've met. Why?"
He paused for a moment. She expected him to give a snarky response, but when she turned her head, he was looking directly at her, chewing his lip thoughtfully. "I...may I be honest, Tonks?"
"Please do," she replied coldly.
"It's...really nothing to do with you," he said. "I suppose I'm...I've always been a bit wary around Aurors, if I'm going to be one hundred percent honest. Not that I dislike them, necessarily, and of course present company is excluded-"
"Is it, though? Because clearly you aren't comfortable around me."
He gave her a small smile. "Yes, present company excluded. And Alastor and Kingsley, of course. You're all invaluable assets to the Order-"
She snorted. "How would you know that if you've barely interacted with me?"
"I can tell," he said earnestly. "I can already tell that you're sharp and more than capable of anything that will be thrown at you and I am very glad you've joined our ranks. Really. It's truly a me problem, I assure you. It's nothing to do with you personally and I'm sorry I've made it seem like it is."
"What do you have to be afraid of as far as Aurors go? I'm going to assume you're not a Death Eater, though please correct me if I'm wrong because that would make the rest of tonight a tad bit awkward."
He chuckled. "Certainly not a Death Eater."
"Well then, you shouldn't be worried. Unless maybe you're a thief. But even then, I mean, look at Dung! Even he talks to me. Granted, it's usually to say something crude and I would really rather he not most of the time, but you see my point."
"I'm not a thief, I wouldn't dream of trying to usurp the special spot Mundungus holds in our ranks and our hearts. But really, I assure you, it has nothing to do with you personally." He seemed slightly uncomfortable now, but Tonks felt herself getting angrier as he inexplicably refused to offer further explanation for his apparent derision towards her profession. Why wouldn't this man just talk to her like a any fucking normal person would?
"You know, the more you hold off on telling me exactly why you just bloody hate all of us Aurors-"
"I never said I hate them, Tonks -"
" - the more I am thinking it does, in fact, have something to do with me," she hissed. "Because honestly that's quite an odd excuse if you don't have anything to fear from us, isn't it? D'you know how hard I worked to get my job? Honestly, what's the big deal?" She snorted. "Are you a vampire or a werewolf or something and afraid we'll figure out your secret?"
She felt him stiffen slightly beside her. "Second one," he replied so quietly that she almost didn't hear him.
Her anger immediately dissipated as her stomach dropped. "Oh, fuck. Fuck, I'm sorry - shit - I'm sorry, Remus, I was just getting angry and I -"
"I could tell. It's quite alright."
"No, it's not. Bloody hell." She groaned as she remembered the memo that had passed across her desk a week or two prior detailing the Auror department's cooperation with the Beast division of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. At the time, she hadn't given it much thought aside from marveling at the continued ineptitude of the staff down in that office. She knew that this wasn't the first time they had requested the assistance of Aurors with enforcing their regulations, and now she had a slightly sickening feeling that Remus had been on the bad end of one of the previous bouts of cooperation. He was still silent, and when she turned her head slightly to look at him out of her periphery he was examining the threadbare cuff of his shirt as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world.
She swallowed, glad that the darkness meant he likely couldn't see the way her face was reddening, although she couldn't bring herself to look directly at him anyway. "I...well, this wouldn't be the first time I've completely stuck my foot in my mouth, but now I feel like an absolute knob." He still didn't respond. "I'm sorry you're...I mean, I'm not sorry you're a werewolf, because you're perfectly...I mean I am, because I'm sure it must be horrible for you..." she cringed. What in Merlin's name was she babbling on about? "Anyway, I understand now," she finished in a small voice.
"I don't think you really do," he said rather stiffly, "but I wouldn't expect you to." He sighed and she felt him relax a bit beside her. "And you're right. It's completely unfair that I was...acting differently around you. I did not realize I was doing so, and I can see how that would be disconcerting, especially from someone you're expected to work closely with. I'm sorry."
"No, please don't apologize," she said hurriedly. Now that the shock of her initial embarrassment was wearing off, the observations she'd made of Remus thus far were clicking together in her mind and she wasn't quite sure how she hadn't put it together herself. His absence from one of the last meetings, the bandages on his hands the next time he did show up, how sick he had looked lately, and his clear lack of money. She wanted to kick herself, yet she had a nagging feeling that she wasn't as angry at herself for not figuring it out sooner so much as she was angry at herself for the way her assignment partner was now steadfastly avoiding her eyes.
"No, I should have told you sooner. When we met, I'd assumed you knew what I was. My - er - departure from Hogwarts a couple years back was rather highly publicized, so most people are aware, unfortunately." Now that he mentioned it, she did vaguely remember reading his name in print somewhere. "But I started to realize that perhaps you didn't know and I've been trying to find the best time to tell you. It certainly should have been before we started assignments together, and for that I apologize." His voice was firmer now, business-like. "I'll speak to Alastor tomorrow about changing the rota, to ensure that we're not placed together again. You needn't worry about saying anything."
"Wait, what?"
"It will be counterproductive for you to be paired alongside someone with whom you feel uncomfortable," he continued brusquely. "I'll ask Alastor to switch any remaining duties we have together so that you're paired with someone else."
"No, I - there's no need for that," she said, baffled.
"It's quite alright." He paused. "I think perhaps we should try not to talk much more for the rest of the shift in case anything happens."
"Yes, alright," she replied meekly, though she was sure at this point that nothing was going to happen - and if it did, she rather hoped that it would be the floor opening up to swallow her whole. They fell into a rather uncomfortable silence.
She felt momentarily annoyed again; how was she supposed to know? The few werewolves she had knowingly come across had been...well, they hadn't been like Remus. Sure, she thought he came off a bit pretentious and he was always weirdly quiet and hard to read and he could be a bit of a git. But he was also annoyingly organized and the elbows of his jumpers were painstakingly darned with neat, tidy stitches and he was always carrying around some tattered, boring looking book and on the rare occasion she saw him really smile (she hated to admit she had noticed) his eyes lit up in a rather lovely way. No, she had never met a werewolf like Remus Lupin.
But as her annoyance was replaced with quiet shame, she realized that this right here was the problem. She had always prided herself on being open-minded and non-judgmental and she had a sinking feeling that the annoyance she was feeling now was mostly discomfort at realizing that maybe she wasn't as open-minded as she'd always thought herself to be.
She shifted uncomfortably on the cold floor. Though it had happened so subtly that she wasn't quite sure exactly when it had happened, she suddenly realized from the lack of warmth on her right side that he had inched away from her so that their arms were no longer touching.
Considering how annoyed she had been to be placed on this shift with him in the first place, she couldn't quite identify why this made her so sad.
She walked quickly across the room, attempting to capture her mentor's attention before he left after the meeting had adjourned. "Mad-Eye. Oi, Mad-Eye, wait. I need to talk to you about something."
"Make it quick, lass," he grunted, pushing through the kitchen door and stumping up the stairs. She followed him, mildly grateful that she'd be able to have this conversation in private.
"You have to change the rota." They were near the front door now, and he glared at her as he buttoned his cloak.
"And why, pray tell, do I have to do anything, girl?"
She licked her lips nervously. "I have to be with Remus for tomorrow night's guard duty at the Ministry."
"And why is that? You realize you have a double shift for your day job at the Ministry tomorrow, yes? And that your shifts back right up to that night's duty, meaning you will have no break at all, yes? I specifically checked with Hestia on your behalf to swap your schedules so that you'd have the night to sleep. I don't need you to wear yourself out already because we need you staying -"
"Constantly vigilant. Yeah, yeah, I know." She nearly breathed a sigh of relief. So that at least meant that Remus hadn't talked to Mad-Eye yet - when his name was read off the list with Hestia's at the meeting that night, she thought she saw the slightest look of relief flit across Remus' face.
"Don't make me regret doing you a favor."
"I know. I appreciate it, Mad-Eye, I really do, but I've done double shifts at the Ministry before, I'll honestly be fine. You know I can handle it. And I have to be on duty with Remus for that shift." He continued to stare at her, eyebrows raised. "I might have...said something a bit stupid."
"Care to elaborate?"
Merlin, he was going to make her come out and say it, wasn't he? She sighed. "About the whole werewolf thing. I didn't realize he...anyway, now he thinks I'm uncomfortable around him. And now I…" she shuffled her feet uncomfortably, avoiding her mentor's piercing gaze. "I don't want him to think I'm avoiding him. Because of that."
Moody grunted. "Thought you said you didn't care for Lupin, lass. Threw a fit the first time I paired you two together."
She rolled her eyes. "I said I didn't like him because he's annoying, Mad-Eye, not because he's a werewolf. I didn't even know."
"What did you say to him, exactly? I suppose I should have told you before you met the lad, but I figured it's best to leave that for him to handle since it's his own business. And honestly, I also thought you knew better." She felt herself wither under his disappointed gaze. "You realize Lupin's one of our best, don't you? Won't do you any good around here to go insulting -"
"I know, Mad-Eye. Believe me, I already feel fucking horrible about it, so please don't make me go into further detail," she snapped.
He gave her one last appraising look, then turned to the door. "Fine. Go speak to Jones yourself to let her know I'm changing the rota. She's still in the kitchen." And then he was gone.
Shaking her head slightly, Tonks headed back down to the kitchen to find that plenty of Order members were still milling about as Molly put the finishing touches on dinner. She spotted Hestia chatting with Emmeline in a corner - mercifully far from where Remus and Sirius were engaged in some deep discussion with Arthur near the fireplace - and approached the two women.
"Evening, ladies. Hestia, may I have a word?" she asked, wincing slightly. Hestia gave her a concerned look, then glanced over at Emmeline.
"Of course, Tonks." Emmeline nodded at the two of them and stepped away to help Molly with the dishes. Tonks cleared her throat uncomfortably.
"Look, I know Mad-Eye asked you to take my shift tomorrow night but...I'm alright with taking that shift still," she said hurriedly. Hestia's brows crinkled in confusion.
"Mad-Eye said you had a double shift at the Ministry that night, and he didn't want you pulling double duty…I can take the shift, love, it's really not a problem. He said you'd be too proud to ask for yourself."
Tonks rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Mad-Eye. Yeah, I know what he said," she replied, casting about for a plausible reason to give the dark-haired witch. "And I wish he hadn't, I can handle it. It's just…well, you know how it is working with all these blokes. I feel like I have to…" she trailed off suggestively.
Hestia nodded, a sudden look of understanding dawning across her face. "Prove yourself. You feel like you must prove yourself. I completely understand, love. We've all felt that. And, well, as the youngest member of the Order and a woman, no less, I can't imagine the pressure you must feel." She still looked slightly concerned. "But no one's expecting you to kill yourself already, Tonks, picking up all these shifts...and if you're worried about not being taken seriously, tomorrow's shift is with Remus. Frankly, he doesn't strike me as the type to think-"
"Oh no, I'm not worried about him particularly, it's just, you know - in general," Tonks interjected. "I'm just - really excited to do my best for the Order, you know." She gave what she hoped was an eager smile to Hestia.
"Alright, well - as long as Mad-Eye's going to be okay with it…"
"Yep. Already spoke to him."
"Alright, then. But do let me know if you change your mind, yeah? I'll be free that night so I can come relieve you if need be."
"No problem," Tonks replied, relieved. "Will do. Should be fine though. Thanks a bunch, Hestia. Staying for dinner?"
"No, no, I must be off. Wish I could, though, it smells lovely. See you later, Tonks."
As the stragglers in the kitchen settled down at the table for their meal, Tonks somehow ended up sitting diagonally across from Remus. She found herself stealing glances at him every so often, and she wondered when the next full moon was. The shadows under his eyes were more pronounced, and she noticed that when he lifted a plate to pass down the table to Emmeline, his hand was shaking slightly. Despite Molly's best efforts to cajole him into having seconds, he only finished about half of what was on his plate, though she noticed that he continued to carefully pick at his food with a fork to make it look as though he had eaten more whenever the Weasley matriarch glanced down at their end of the table. At one point he looked up to see her watching him and she saw him frown slightly before she quickly averted her gaze.
"Did you want the gravy, Nymphadora?" He gestured to the dish that was sitting nearest to him on the table.
Of course he would call me out, she thought. Her plate was nearly empty, but she nodded anyway, trying to quickly morph away the blush that she felt creeping up into her cheeks.
"Erm - yes, thanks, Remus." As he passed her the gravy boat, his fingers briefly brushed against hers and she nearly dropped the dish as he quickly withdrew his hand. It was her turn to frown now. She looked up at him again, but he had already turned his apparently now rapt attention back to Sirius, who was telling some ridiculous story about his time with Buckbeak in a Scandinavian country.
And while she wanted to be annoyed at his standoffishness, she just felt miserably guilty.
She stepped off the lift onto level nine, glancing up and down the dark hallway to ensure no one was around before morphing her features - stolen from one of the cleaning witches - back to her regular face and preferred pink hair. She noticed a slight ripple to her left. "Remus?" He appeared suddenly, looking startled as he lifted his disillusionment charm, his eyebrows nearly hidden in his fringe as he caught sight of her. "Wotcher," she said quietly.
"Tonks! I thought Hestia coming tonight."
"Nope, it's me," she said awkwardly. "Sorry, I probably should have given you advance warning. I know you were hoping to get rid of me, but I'm afraid it's not that easy." She gestured with the two styrofoam cups she was holding. "I'm sorry I'm a bit late, I nipped out to grab some coffee from that muggle cafe on the corner because I wasn't going to survive without it. Here, I brought one for you - wasn't sure how you like it, so I've got some of those little cream things and sugar in my pocket if you want them." She handed him one of the warm cups. He frowned down at it, looking slightly perplexed.
He was quiet for a moment. "Look, Tonks, I really think - if you are uncomfortable being paired with me, you don't have to pretend you -"
"For fuck's sake, Remus, I wouldn't be here if I didn't feel comfortable around you," she snapped. "You're a git sometimes, but it doesn't mean I don't trust you." She couldn't be sure, but she thought she saw him press his lips together against a smile.
"Well, I'll take being a git, then," he said, lips twitching into a clear smile now. "I've been called much worse, you know. Here, shall we?" They walked a bit nearer to the door at the end of the hall, then sank to the floor. She noticed for the first time just how tall he was as he awkwardly rearranged his long legs on the floor in front of him, wincing slightly in discomfort as he leaned back against the wall. She also noticed that he was still clutching his coffee but that he hadn't taken a sip.
"I haven't poisoned it, you know," she said, gesturing to his cup. "Or wait - can werewolves do caffeine? Wait no, I've seen you drink tea - sorry, that was a stupid fucking question, forget I said anything - Merlin - do you even like coffee?" She noticed that he was laughing.
"I can indeed have caffeine, and I like coffee," he said, smiling slightly at her. "Though I will take one of those creams if you have it. And perhaps some sugar."
"Hopefully they survived the trip in my pocket. Here you go," she replied. She watched him as he stirred the creamer into his coffee. He had that stupid smirk of his on his face again.
"You know, I'm a little concerned about what they're teaching you at the Ministry these days if you think that werewolves can't have caffeine," he said. "Now that you've got a first-hand source, you can ask me if you have questions -"
"I'm sorry, I know it was stupid," she said hastily. "I was just - christ, stop laughing at me - I was worried that - oh, just forget I said anything." She gave him a sour look before taking a sip of her coffee.
"I've gotten a lot of questions about my condition but I think that's a new one - where did you hear that?"
"I mean, I just know that dogs are sensitive to - I mean. Oh, god. I'm not saying you're a dog." Mortified, she noticed that he was laughing again. How did he wind her up so easily? "You know what? I regret asking you to talk to me more. Maybe this worked better when you ignored me. Otherwise I'm just going to keep saying stupid shit and you're just going to think I'm a blathering fool."
"No, it's not that at all, Tonks," he said, his tone softening even as she noticed he was still grinning. "I'm sorry, it's just - it's really okay. Please don't feel stupid. I've gotten questions and comments that are far, far worse than worrying whether or not I'll be able to drink a cup of coffee. And thank you for this, by the way, it is indeed much needed. This was kind of you." He took a sip, humming thoughtfully as he frowned. "Wait. Hestia told me that she had taken this shift because Alastor said you were pulling a long day at the Ministry today. Did you come here straight from a shift?"
"Oh, yeah. I had a double today but it's okay. I've got a late shift again tomorrow so I'll have some time to sleep it off when we're done here."
"Was no one else able to cover for Hestia?"
"What, already regretting our time together?" she replied waspishly.
"Not at all," he said promptly. "I just don't want you to feel overloaded already, Tonks. Not that I don't think you can handle it, please do not think for a moment that I'm doubting your capabilities. But I know how hectic things are at the Ministry right now." As if on cue, she was forced to disguise a poorly stifled yawn as a cough. He looked concerned now. "If you're tired, why don't you go home and sleep? I can take this one. It's likely to be quiet anyway."
"And leave you here alone? Mad-Eye would have kittens. Absolutely not. That's why I've got the coffee." She picked at the lid of her cup. "And, um, I actually asked Hestia last night to switch back with me."
"What? Why?"
"I didn't want...I mean, that thing you said. About having Mad-Eye switch the roster so that we don't have to work together. I didn't want you to think I was avoiding you. I don't…" she heaved a sigh. "Look, I'm really sorry about the other night. I still feel like such an idiot. And I asked Kingsley about the Auror department's past participation in the enforcement of werewolf regulations." She remembers feeling slightly ill as Kingsley described the random round ups, interrogations, and house searches, wondering if Remus had been arrested in public while simply heading to the shops and going about his business, as Kingsley had said often happened during those times. "You don't have to talk about it, but I understand why you were saying what you were saying now. You should have just told me to shut the fuck up, honestly, and saved us all this trouble."
He laughed. "I wouldn't dream of it. You are a capable Auror, after all, I wouldn't want to find myself on the wrong end of your wand." She shot him a look. "And I know that you're not...it's not that I don't trust you, Tonks. Not at all. I owe you an apology for making you think that I was avoiding you." He set his coffee down on the floor beside him and scrubbed a hand over his face. "It's always difficult for me to tell people what I am. And obviously most of the Order is accepting of me, for which I will eternally be grateful, but...not knowing how someone is going to react is always very hard for me. I handled this poorly and you were right to react the way you did."
"I wasn't right at all, and I'm sorry I took away the opportunity for me to tell you on your own terms, even if it was inadvertent. But I'm glad you don't hate me for instigating that utter cock-up of a conversation. Though now's the time to tell me if you do. Might make the rest of the night a bit awkward, though."
"I certainly do not hate you."
She scooted around so that she was facing him, and stuck out her hand. He looked down at the proffered hand, perplexed.
"I feel like we've started off on the wrong foot. Let's start again. Hi, I'm Tonks. Just Tonks. If you use my first name we will be off on the wrong foot again so I do not recommend trying it because we only get so many fresh chances and I won't hesitate to hex your balls off if you annoy me enough."
The corners of his mouth quirked up into a small smile as he slowly reached out and took her hand. "Hi, Just Tonks. My name is Remus Lupin and I am a werewolf who drinks coffee and has absolutely no issues metabolizing the caffeine, contrary to popular belief among certain pink-haired witches who threaten to hex my balls off."
She immediately pulled her hand out of his grasp as he snickered. "Git." Still, she couldn't help but smile as she settled back against the wall next to him, feeling the warmth of his arm brushing against hers as he took another sip of his coffee. She felt they were back on somewhat comfortable ground now. He was making daft jokes, and she was annoyed at him. A perfectly functional working relationship.
They were sitting guard outside the Department of Mysteries again. Tonks had thought of bringing pillows for the two of them to sit on this time, as the floor was always uncomfortably cold and hard, but she had noticed Remus wincing and shifting about every couple of minutes as he tried to lean back against the wall. Back pain, he'd told her, and she realized the full moon was due in four day's time. After much protest from him and swearing from her, he was sitting on one of her pillows and had the other tucked behind his lower back against the wall as Tonks made a makeshift nest out of her Auror's robes to sit on.
"Have you heard of Nirvana?"
"The ultimate spiritual goal of Buddhism?"
"Christ - no. The muggle grunge band, Remus. American group. Kurt Cobain? 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'?"
"As someone who taught teenagers for a year, I shudder to think of what that could possibly mean. Sounds musty. Like old socks, perhaps?"
"God, you really are boring. No wonder you made such a good professor."
He made a show of looking offended. "I'll have you know that even professors can be cool, thank you."
She snorted. "You know, the Weasley kids do go on about how cool you were as a professor, but I'm starting to think maybe they're talking about a different Professor Lupin because the one I know is decidedly not cool." She noticed he looked pleased at her mention of the Weasleys' praise. She pulled her walkman out of her bag and disentangled the earphones, dangling them in front of him questioningly. "Ear check?" Remus had told her that depending on where he was in the moon cycle, his hearing got increasingly sensitive, to the point where it might be painful for him to listen to music through headphones - though she was starting to suspect that he was exaggerating that bit so he had an excuse to stop listening whenever she played something he'd decided he didn't like.
"Ear check clears this evening." He took one of the headphones from her, inserting it into his ear. "Reasonable volume though, please. I've decided I'd rather not go deaf today. Perhaps tomorrow, though."
"Old man. Fine. Let me know if it's too loud."
They sat shoulder to shoulder as they listened to her Nevermind cassette. As they went through, Remus scribbled his song rankings down on a spare scrap of parchment, which she compared to her own once they had listened through the entire album. This had become a common activity on their slower assignments together and Tonks always took pleasure in ribbing Remus for what she perceived to be his lack of taste in music, although she was surprised to see that their lists almost completely matched up this time around.
"So you do occasionally have taste. Kurt Cobain wore cardigans that look a bit like yours, you know. I think they were sexier on him though."
"And what do I have to do to make mine sexier?"
"Hmm. His hair was longer, had that sort of grungy rocker look going on. Somehow I can't see you with that look. I feel as if you came out of your mother's womb with your current haircut."
"You're almost correct. Aside from a rather unfortunate period in my early twenties, I have stuck with this trusty hairstyle since my mum first bestowed it upon me when I was about nine years old. I prefer to call it 'low-maintenance.' By which I mean absolutely no maintenance is involved until Molly begs me to let her trim the bits that start to hit my collar."
"What'd your hair look like in your twenties?"
"It was longer. A bit like Kurt's, perhaps."
"You wish. D'you have pictures?"
"Oh yes, but you'll certainly never see them."
"I'll ask Sirius then, he'd show me. Bet he'd piss himself laughing if I say I need to see them because I'm comparing you and Kurt Cobain to see whose hair is sexier."
He snorted. "He would be pleased to show you from those pictures that his hair hasn't much changed over the years, and he certainly pulls off the long-haired rocker look much better than I ever would."
"Not cardigans, though."
"Sorry?"
"Kurt's still got you beaten, but I think the whole librarian-chic look suits you. Sirius could never pull that off."
He gave her a faint smile. "That's good, then, because this wardrobe has remained fairly unchanged over the last fifteen years and will likely stick around for another fifteen or so. Perhaps someday I'll be able to scrape together enough galleons to afford a new cardigan that doesn't have poorly sewn elbow patches."
She bumped him with her shoulder. "Nah, people pay good money for their clothing to come distressed like that. Yours are authentic. And I like the elbow patches. They're kind of charming." She glanced at him and noticed he had a pensive look on his face. She hoped she hadn't veered into bad territory by bringing up his wardrobe, as she knew he could be touchy about his clothing considering how visibly it demonstrated his poverty. "You know that green jumper of yours? You wore it to our meeting last Wednesday."
He looked at her, slightly surprised. "Yes. What about it?"
"It looked nice on you. You should wear it more. I think the color suits you."
It was dark, but she could still see a smile spread across his face as he ducked his head. "That's kind of you to say, Nymphadora."
"Don't call me that."
They'd been sitting in a cluster of bushes near Corban Yaxley's house for nearly four hours now, with four hours to go. Tonks was regretting the singular stale croissant she'd had for dinner, and her lack of foresight to not bring any further snacks; she'd been running on more coffee than food these days, and as her stomach continued to grumble loudly she had a feeling it was finally catching up to her. She felt Remus nudge her shoulder as her stomach let out a particularly violent-sounding rumble.
"Toffee?" He'd pulled a candy out of his pocket. "I'm sorry I don't have more. I should have brought some of the sandwiches Molly made us over lunch."
"Those look like the kind of candy my nan's had sitting in dusty dishes around her house for as long as I can remember. Those toffees are probably as old as she is."
"I guess I'll hold onto these so that I have a snack for my first day in the nursing home, then," he replied, making to drop it back in his pocket.
She snatched it out of his hand. "I mean, I didn't say I didn't like them. Thanks." The wrapper crinkled as she unwrapped the sweet and popped it in her mouth. "Next week, then? Your entry appointment at the nursing home?"
"Yes. Monday, actually."
"That's too bad, I'll have to find a new stakeout partner who's willing to share his suspicious pocket candies with me. Will you be able to receive visitors?"
"It depends. Will you bring toffees?"
"I thought you were going to be the one with the toffees."
"Yes, well, once I run out I'll need someone to bring me more. I won't be able to leave the home to go to the shops once they've strapped me into my adult nappy."
She smacked his shoulder, though she was snickering. "Gross. You're so weird." She paused. "D'you ever wonder if anyone wears adult nappies while they're doing shifts like this? Where you're outside and it's hard to find a good place to wee without drawing attention to yourself. Wonder if anyone in the Order has thought of it? Rather off-putting but would be useful, right? Theoretically, of course."
"Thankfully, I don't have to wonder about it in theoretical terms as I happen to be wearing one right now." She turned to gape at him as she tried to figure out if he was kidding or not. He raised an eyebrow. "You're right, they're dead useful." He turned his face away, but not before she saw the serious look he was sporting crack into a grin. She shoved his shoulder.
"Gross. And if anyone's going to be wearing a nappy, it should be me, shouldn't it? It's easy enough for blokes to use the great outdoors as their toilet. I'm the one who should be complaining about lack of toilet access."
"So are you?"
"Am I what, complaining?" she huffed. He was starting to get on her nerves.
"No. Well, I suppose you are, as you are the one who brought up these grievances in the first place. Are you wearing a nappy?"
"No!"
"Well, that settles it then." They fell into silence, punctuated only by Tonks' stomach growling every few minutes. There had been very little activity in the Yaxley house this evening, and Tonks had a feeling this stakeout would end up a bust. So now she was hungry and bored.
Suddenly Remus spoke again, startling her. "Mundungus."
"What?"
"You asked earlier if I thought any of our Order colleagues have worn nappies on their assignments before. I think if anyone would, it would likely be Mundungus. Or perhaps Emmeline, but for different reasons and both with very different methodologies."
"Remus. That's what you've been thinking about for the past ten minutes?"
"You're the one who asked the question," he said innocently. "Are you curious to know more about the logic behind my conclusions, or would you rather talk about something else?" She made a noise of disgust.
"I'm done with nappy talk for now. And to think I thought you were the most entertaining assignment partner to be paired with," she grumbled.
"Really? You think I'm the most entertaining?" He sounded pleased.
"Yeah, well, don't get too cocky because you'll notice my use of the past tense. This entire conversation has knocked you down quite a few levels." God, he was irritating.
"Mmm. It's too bad we have two more guard duties together this week, then." She could see out of the corner of her eye that he was smiling slightly.
"Yeah, it's a right shame." And she couldn't help but smile a little bit, too.
"Maraschino."
She screwed her face up slightly, opening her eyes as she fingered the tips of her hair. She hummed thoughtfully as she looked at the lock of hair. "I like this color in theory, I think, but I'm not sure it's for me to wear."
"Hmm. Thought you'd like that one as I think it's a little closer to pink. Alright then, cayenne."
She morphed her hair again, opening her eyes to see Remus shake his head slightly. "Shouldn't the cayenne be darker than the maraschino?" he explained, taking a sip of his tea. Sirius had gone up to feed Buckbeak almost half an hour ago, and though he said he'd be back shortly, his tea had gone cold by now and she could tell by the way Remus' eyes kept flickering to the mug that he was thinking of just vanishing it.
She arched an eyebrow. "Are you seriously lecturing a Metamorphmagus about colors right now?"
"I am, actually. Because cayenne should definitely be darker than maraschino and I am one hundred percent certain I'm correct on this one. Do you know what a cayenne pepper looks like?"
She sighed. "Fine, Professor Arsehole. And yes, I know what a cayenne pepper looks like, thank you." Picturing the shade in her mind again, she realized with irritation that he was right. "Is this better?"
"Much. What do you think?"
"I still think currant is my favorite."
He smiled at her, and for a moment she forgot that she was annoyed with him. "The currant is my favorite, too."
"Currant it is then." Her hair darkened again, and she pulled it back into the elastic she had looped around her wrist. They'd been playing a game lately where she picked a basic color - tonight was red - and he had to come up with as many ridiculous shades as he could possibly think of. She told herself that this was a good way to expand her options a bit, as she was starting to get bored with her usual shades. "I think I'll keep it like this for a bit, this is actually quite a lovely color. What color would be your go-to hair color if you could morph, d'you think?"
He chuckled. "I don't think I could quite pull off some of the shades you wear and I think anything other than my current color would wash me out even more, and we both know I need all the help I can get to look as alive as possible. I'd likely just morph the grey out, honestly." He paused. "It would be refreshing to wear a face that's not mine just for a day, though." His tone sounded heavier, and she felt sad as she tried to imagine his relief at being able to go out in public without risking the chance of being recognized. She loved to stand out; for him, standing out likely meant the chance of someone yelling at him or spitting on him while simply trying to go to the shops.
"I understand why you say that. But I like your face." She said it before she even realized she was thinking it.
"What?"
"I said I like your face. Why are you looking at me like that?"
"No one's ever said that to me before," he muttered.
"Yes well, there you go then. Wait, not even your mum? You must have been a frighteningly ugly child."
"Terribly so." He was grinning, but she could have sworn a flush was creeping up his face.
"I actually feel like both your parents must have been very good looking."
"Excuse me?"
"It's just the way your face is structured. Were your parents lookers?"
He paused for a moment. "My mum was very beautiful," he said finally. "My dad is a bit average looking, I suppose that's where I get most of my looks from. It's certainly where I got this nose."
"Well then your dad must have a lovely nose."
He shot her a mischievous look. "I can introduce you to my father, if you're that desperate for a boyfriend. The age difference might be a little much - you'll have to be careful not to wake him when coming home from work, mind you, he likely goes to bed at half past seven now -" he cut off, snickering as she smacked his shoulder.
"I was just trying to pay you a compliment, you prat, I wasn't trying to imply I'd like to shag your father. See if I'm ever nice to you again," she huffed. There was a brief moment of silence before she added, "Your mother, actually."
"Pardon?"
"Mm. You said your mother was beautiful. Why wouldn't she be my first choice for a shag then? If I were born in a different time and place, of course."
"Fair enough. Never said she couldn't be. Though there's a possibility I wouldn't be here right now if you had seduced my mother, leaving my poor father alone and heartbroken."
"And wouldn't that be a shame. Have any brothers?"
"I'm afraid not. Why?"
"I suppose if I have to choose a member of the Lupin family I'd most like to shag, I'd likely be better off sticking to someone closer to my age. Seeing as you're such a git, it certainly couldn't be you."
He gave her an incredulous smile. "Me being a git is what's got me out of the running in this daft competition of yours?"
"You're the one who brought it up, you weirdo. It's the main reason, yes." She noticed with an odd sense of pleasure that he looked slightly uncomfortable and even in the dim light of the kitchen, she could tell he was blushing. There were a few moments of silence as they finished their tea.
"I'm sorry I said I'd like to shag your mother, Remus."
"It's quite alright." His mug clattered lightly against the saucer as he set it down. "Sirius has said things that were much more vulgar about my mother, trust me. And about my father, come to think of it. And about me, on occasion."
She choked on the remaining swig of her tea.
Tonks tried to stop fidgeting. She'd been on plenty of guard duties and stakeouts by now, but this was the first mission that really felt like a mission and she was mostly excited, though a tad bit nervous. And she had to admit she was rather curious to finally meet Harry Potter in person, although she knew all too well what it felt like to be gaped at and so she was trying best she could to reign that curiosity in. She tried instead to focus on the back of Remus Lupin's head, as he'd been positioned in front of her when Moody laid out their flying formation.
"So," Remus said, turning his head to look at her over his shoulder, "does the struggle with your body's center of gravity continue in the air as well, or…?"
It took her a moment to realize what he meant, and when she did she glared at him, throwing him a rude gesture as he sniggered. "It's only when my feet are on the ground that I'm a klutz, if you really must know. And for your information, Lupin, I'm actually quite good with a broomstick, as opposed to what Snuffles tells me about your skills in the air."
He rolled his eyes. "Just because I didn't play Quidditch doesn't mean I don't know how to fly. You can tell Snuffles that I know perfectly well how to handle a broomstick, thank you."
"I'll pass on the message. Might want to change the wording a bit, though. How did he phrase it when we were talking about it? Oh, right. 'If you want to know how Remus handles wood, it depends on if it's his own or-'"
"That's enough," Remus cut her off hastily, turning back around. She snickered, pleased to see his ears redden slightly.
"What is it with Snuffles and the wanking jokes anyway?"
"He has the maturity of a thirteen year old schoolboy," he grumbled, barely audible as he remained facing forward.
"That's enough chatter," Moody called. "First guard takes off in thirty seconds. Ready your broomsticks, everyone, and await my signal."
Tonks shifted her grip on the handle of her broomstick. She was still looking at Remus in front of her as he shifted on his broom, and she suddenly realized before she could stop herself that she was staring at his bum. And even more horrific, she found herself thinking that it actually looked rather nice.
She wasn't attracted to him. Certainly not. You could admire a nice bum objectively without really considering the rest of the person attached to said bum, couldn't you?
She blushed as Remus turned around to shoot her one last grin. She had another slightly terrifying thought that he did have quite a nice smile, too, even when he was laughing at her expense.
"I'll try my best to catch you if you fall off. No guarantees, however. After all, according to you and your cousin, I'm not very good on my broomstick."
She stuck her tongue out at him. "Shut it, Lupin, or I won't catch you when you fall off your broomstick and it will be entirely on purpose." She wanted to wipe that smug grin off his face. Or maybe kiss it off him? Before she could stop herself she found herself wondering what it would be like to kiss him. Or what it would feel like to have his skilled hands on her -
What the fuck? Where was this coming from? She was not attracted to him, she told herself firmly. Certainly not. She was just very single and sexually frustrated and since she was too busy to have a proper social life, by virtue of their Order work he happened to be one of the people she spent the most time with.
She couldn't shake these thoughts even as they retrieved Harry, though meeting the teenager and getting to see the inside of the muggles' house after spending several long duty shifts watching the exterior from across the road was a nice distraction. She'd broken a plate in the kitchen, of course, though she decided to blame that on her usual clumsiness rather than the fact that Remus' hand had brushed against her lower back as he was trying to get by her in order to get to the foot of the staircase.
By the time they'd finished the Order meeting and dinner that night, after being helped up off the ground by a smirking Remus after not only one but two run-ins with the troll's leg, she'd come to some disturbing conclusions. She certainly felt - something - towards Remus.
Was it a crush? Tonks had the unsettling feeling that she was in uncharted territories with these feelings. She usually just decided she liked someone and then just let them know, with the end result either being that she had someone to date or just got over them if it was a no go. It wasn't like her to get all nervy around someone. What was it about him that threw her off so much?
She decided to just call it a fascination. Yes, she had a fascination with Remus Lupin. It certainly wasn't a crush. Nymphadora Tonks did not do crushes. And it didn't necessarily mean she wanted to snog him senseless, though whenever that troubling thought popped into her mind she was finding it increasingly difficult to banish it from her brain.
Troubling, indeed.
"Was Remus as annoying back in school as he is now?" Tonks was laying on her stomach in the library, flipping absent-mindedly through one of the muggle gossip magazines she'd brought over to give to Sirius.
"You know," Sirius replied conversationally, not bothering to lift his eyes from his own magazine, "it's kind of funny. For someone who thinks Remus is so annoying, you sure can't seem to stop talking about him."
She rolled her eyes, blushing. "Oh, shut it. We were having an argument earlier -"
"Trouble in paradise?"
"I said shut it, you knob. We were having an argument earlier about whether leftover pizza is best served reheated or just eaten cold."
"And?"
"Ugh. Well, I said that cold pizza is for heathens, but once I tried it I have to admit he might be right," she said begrudgingly. "The reheating charms never quite work on second-day pizza as well as one would hope. I didn't tell him that though, of course. Said it was disgusting and that my feelings were hurt that he would make me eat such a thing."
"Mm. Yeah, Moony tends to be right about most things, unfortunately. Don't tell him I said that though. And yes, he was as much of a git back in school as he is now."
"What was he like?"
Sirius' eyebrows shot up. "I know I asked you this last week, but I say again, dear cousin, are you absolutely sure you don't fancy -"
"No, of course not," she scoffed far too quickly. Sirius hummed but didn't say anything further. "I just need - he's always teasing me for tripping over my feet and such, and I need ammunition against him. Because he's an annoying git and that's why I don't fancy him."
"Do you ever think that maybe being an annoying git is his way of flirting with you?"
"He's not. I feel like he finds me irritating. Also, ew."
"Really? Because I have to say, the way you look at him when he's speaking at Order meetings leads me to believe that you don't think of him as ew. Quite the opposite, in fact. More like you'd burst into flames if he makes direct eye contact with you. More like you'd love nothing more than to just drag him by one of those stupid ties he's always wearing into an empty room and -"
"You know, maybe I should have just stayed home by myself tonight instead of coming over to entertain you," Tonks snapped. She threw her magazine at Sirius, who smirked at her as he caught it. "I do not fancy him. We get on as colleagues, and friends, even, I suppose; and I'm just curious about him because he manages to get under my skin a bit, is all."
"Is that what the kids are calling it these days?"
She opened her mouth to retort, but didn't get a chance to as she heard the sound of the front door.
"That'll be Moony, likely. Perfect timing!" Sirius said in a frightfully cheery voice that made Tonks want to slap him. "I'm sure he'll be interested to hear what we've been discussing in his absence."
"If you say anything to him," she hissed, "I swear on Merlin's balls I'll -"
"Oh hello, you two," she heard a hoarse voice say from behind her. She scrambled up from her stomach so that she was sitting cross-legged instead, turning to see Remus peering around the doorway of the library. "I thought I heard voices in here." He entered the room, setting a stack of folders down on the table nearest the door. He frowned slightly as he saw Tonks sitting on the floor.
"Are you sure you want to sit on that carpet, Tonks? I know it's hard to find a seat in here," he said, the corners of his mouth twitching slightly as he gestured to the two sofas and four chairs that were scattered before the fireplace, "but I daresay one of these chairs may be more comfortable and - er - a bit more hygienic. No guarantees as to that, though, I suppose. Or do you prefer the floor because there's less of a fall risk?" His greying hair was slightly windswept, and his nose was red from the increasingly nippy November air; she swallowed hard as she watched him loosen his tie with one hand, unbuttoning the top two buttons of his collar with the other. She heard Sirius snickering, and she had a feeling it wasn't at what Remus had just said.
"Er - I can feel the fire more from here," she muttered, shooting a glare at Sirius. "And I wanted to be as far away from that one as possible." She jerked her head towards her cousin. Don't you dare say anything, she thought.
"So Moony, we were just talking about you." Fucking Sirius. Remus' eyebrows shot up as he folded his cloak neatly over the back of a chair.
"I was just telling Sirius we're on schedule with each other at the Malfoys this Friday," she cut in quickly, throwing a furious glance at Sirius.
"She was also telling me that -"
"That I need to head home now because I've got an early shift tomorrow," she said again, grinding her teeth as Sirius' face broke out into a wide grin. She couldn't help but notice, however, that Remus looked slightly disappointed as he reached out a hand to help her as she scrambled up from her position on the floor.
"Thanks," she said breathlessly, her stomach flipping slightly at the feeling of his hand in hers.
"If I didn't know any better," he said, smiling slightly, "I'd think you're leaving because of me. I'm sorry to disrupt the party."
"Yeah, it's 'cos you know I can't stand you," she said, her voice shaking slightly.
"Or perhaps the opposite, I'd say," Sirius piped up. She wheeled around to see his face had disappeared behind his magazine again.
"Yeah, okay, I'm just going to go now," she muttered, hurriedly pulling on her boots as Remus took a seat across from Sirius, looking bemused. She grabbed one of the magazines and tossed it to Remus. "Flip to page twelve of that issue and you'll find a piece on why flannel is very hot and very in right now. So I do not ever want to hear you say again that I dress more dad than you."
"I do believe I followed that up with the fact that I thought your flannel was very fetching," Remus replied, his eyes twinkling. Tonks pulled her scarf tighter around her neck to disguise the fact that she was struggling to morph away her blush.
"Whatever. Assigned reading. We're discussing that magazine cover to cover on Friday so you better come prepared."
He threw her a mock salute. "And here I thought I was the one most comfortable assigning homework."
Tonks saw Sirius' eyes moving back and forth between the two of them excitedly and decided to head to the door before any more damage could be done. There was no way Sirius was going to be subtle about any of this. Subtlety had never exactly been his strong suit (or hers, really, so she didn't need much help mucking this all up, thank you very much), and the fact that he was bored out of his mind right now meant that the three of them in a room together at this moment could only end in disaster.
"Right," she mumbled. "Well, lads, I'll see you Friday for dinner."
"Have a lovely evening, Nymphadora."
"Bye, Tonksie," Sirius said. "Lovely chat, let's do it again soon." She gave him the finger as she made it to the door. "Rude girl. Get home safely. And thanks for the magazines."
She had mercifully exited the room and was just pulling the library door shut behind her when she heard Remus ask, "So what were you two really talking about?"
She paused for a moment on the threshold, letting out a sigh of relief as Sirius said, "Oh, nothing really." She was at the front door when she heard him speak again; his voice fainter this time, but regrettably not faint enough. "Just the fact that she thinks you're positively dishy."
Tonks paused with her hand on the doorknob, mortified. She considered barging back into the library at that moment to put a stop to whatever Sirius thought he was doing, then reconsidered it as she didn't think there was any way she could possibly face Remus at this moment. Drowning herself in her own bathtub sounded slightly more appealing at the moment, so she opted to leave the house instead, ruing the day she had been reunited with Sirius Black.
Tonks took another small sip of champagne, trying to quell the nerves in her stomach as the clock on the wall crept closer to midnight. 11:03. She had fifty-seven minutes to steel herself.
She snuck another glance across the room at Remus, who was chatting with the very animated Weasley twins, and flushed as she noticed he'd been glancing at her, too. He looked away quickly, and she was distracted as she felt a tug on the sleeve of her dress. She turned to see her cousin taking the seat next to her at the table. He was out of breath and his face was glistening with sweat.
"Finally taking a break from dancing?" she asked amusedly. He grinned at her. He'd danced energetically with nearly everyone in the room at this point - Mundungus included, much to everyone's mixed horror and amusement.
"How could I not dance? How often is it that everyone's so damn happy?" he said, gesturing wildly around the room. She had to admit, this New Year's party did feel particularly festive - maybe it was the fact that they were so surrounded by reminders of the perils that they faced in this war nearly every day, but to see everyone here so carefree for once - Molly Weasley, for example, was drunk - was so very special and so very lovely.
"More champagne?" He went to refill her glass, frowning as she jerked it away.
"Erm, no - I'm trying to limit the booze tonight," she said. He cocked an eyebrow at her.
"What for? Think some liquid courage may help you out with your little problem over there," he said, jerking his head at the 'little problem' that was across the room wearing that green jumper she liked so very much.
"That's actually why I'm trying not to get too pissed," she said, taking a seat beside her cousin. He still looked confused.
"You're an odd one, Tonks. That's not usually the way people go about things like this. Well, not the way I would go about things, but maybe that's not saying much."
She sighed. "Look, I…" she trailed off as she fiddled with the stem of her glass. "I want to kiss him tonight," she confessed, "I know I should likely talk to him first but I really want to kiss him -" her words were coming out fast and jumbled now and she was embarrassed but Sirius was watching her thoughtfully. "But...I don't want him to think that I...you know." She swallowed. "I want him to know that I mean it and I'm not just latching onto him because I'm blasted and it's the holidays, you know?"
Sirius' face softened. "You already know him too well," he said, nodding. "That is...exactly the type of thing Moony would do. Because he is up for it, believe me. If he pushes you away -"
"Please don't say that right now," she said desperately. "I'm already trying to work up the nerve -"
"No, don't worry, I really don't think he will. He's crazy about you. He'll kiss you back and when he does open that stupid mouth of his, it's only going to be to whinge that you didn't really mean it, you deserve better, are you sure you meant to kiss him? Didn't you hear he's an impoverished werewolf?" Sirius' mocking imitation of Remus' hoarse lilt was frighteningly spot-on. Sirius took a swallow of his red wine. "But if there's anyone in this room who can convince him that he should just let himself be fucking happy at least once in awhile, it's you."
"I hope so," she murmured. She looked up and caught Remus' eye again. This time, he smiled at her. She smiled back, feeling a strange fizzing feeling in her stomach that had nothing to do with the champagne she'd been drinking.
"Plus," Sirius said, "if you don't give him a midnight smooch, I will."
She rolled her eyes. "Great. Thanks for the pep talk, Sirius."
"And if you do, Kingsley and I have some bets going on, so you need to tell me who slips tongue first - ow!" He rubbed his shoulder where she had smacked him.
"You're disgusting." He grinned at her as he stood up and held out his hand.
"Dance with me?"
"At your own risk."
Several new bruises later, Tonks sat back down at the table. She noticed Remus heading over towards her, empty glass in hand. She gave him what she hoped was a normal and not at all manic-looking smile.
"Hi, Remus."
"Hello, Nymphadora." He poured some champagne into his glass. "I'm very glad to see you survived the Sirius Black Experience out on the dance floor."
She grinned. "I'm not quite sure who was more of a danger, me or him. And I saw you dancing with Fred - or was it George - or maybe both of them earlier?" He chuckled.
"Yes, I didn't quite have a choice. And as charming as they both are, they wouldn't have been my first pick of a dance partner." He flushed slightly. She could feel Sirius' eyes on them from across the room.
"Mmm. You should've just asked Dung to dance, then, I'm sure he would have said yes."
"Maybe I'll have worked up the courage to ask by next New Year's," he said, looking at her now. His tone was slightly joking but she had a feeling they weren't talking about Dung anymore. She looked again at the clock. 11:57. She took a shaky breath and downed the rest of her champagne.
"Would you like some more?" he asked politely, holding up the bottle. She shook her head.
"No, no. I've already had two glasses and I'm trying to keep a rather clear head tonight." He gave her a slightly quizzical look as he set the bottle back down, but thankfully didn't question her further. She noticed that everyone else in the room was shuffling around, seeming to surreptitiously pair off; Molly was next to Arthur ,as expected, Sirius was sidling over to Hestia (Merlin help her), and Dung was lighting that disgusting pipe of his, seeming to have contented himself with the fact that he wasn't going to get a New Year's kiss. All for the best, perhaps.
She set her glass down, clearing her throat awkwardly. "Look, Remus, I wanted to tell you…" she trailed off as he turned to look at her.
"Go on," he said kindly.
"I...erm…" God, why was this so hard? She never felt so shy around anyone as she did around him. It was easier when they were just snarky with each other.
She didn't get the chance to finish her thought, as Sirius started shouting out the countdown to the new year, the rest of the room joining him gleefully.
"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven! Six!" She felt her mouth go dry as Remus shifted slightly on the bench next to her.
"Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!" The room filled with shouts and the pops of champagne corks; Sirius dipped a giggling Hestia so low he nearly dropped her, one of the twins whistling as he kissed her in a rather vulgar fashion. Molly and Arthur shared a small, sweet peck and were now standing in a quiet embrace in the corner. Sirius had now turned his attention to Emmeline, who was also giggling in a rather uncharacteristic fashion. Tonks turned to see Remus watching her intently, some unreadable emotion deep in his hazel eyes.
"Happy New Year, Nymphadora," he said quietly. He leaned forward, placing his hand on hers where it was resting on the bench between them. She felt his breath against her face as he placed a soft, careful kiss on her cheek. She felt as if her heart had stopped.
She turned to face him fully, but realized she couldn't do this here. Not in front of everyone. She wanted to be alone with him.
Before she had a chance to do anything about this, Sirius had bounded across the room. "Happy New Year, my lovely cousin," he said. He pulled her to her feet and pressed a fierce kiss to her cheek, her other one still burning where Remus' lips had touched her. He turned to Remus, grasping his childhood friend's face between his hands and beaming at him. "And you too, Moony. Happy New Year, mate. You deserve the best." He leaned down and pressed an extremely sloppy, boozy kiss to the corner of Remus' mouth.
Remus spluttered and leaned backwards, but he was grinning as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "You too, Padfoot."
Sirius jerked his head to the door, looking at Tonks again now. "Go on, get out of here," he said quietly. Remus turned to Tonks, confused.
"What, you're leaving already?"
She felt as if her heart was in her throat. "Come with me," she blurted, grabbing Remus' hand. "We'll be back, Sirius," she called, her cousin grinning at them as she pulled Remus out of the kitchen, hoping that no one else would notice, though she doubted that anyone who did was really sober enough to remember what they'd seen anyway. She shut the door behind them, pulling him up the stairs until they had entered the library.
She closed the door, turning to look at Remus where he stood beside her. "Tonks, what -"
"Is it bad if I say I want to give you a private New Year's kiss?" she said. His eyes widened slightly as he looked down at her.
For a split second, she was worried she had made a terrible mistake - but suddenly, his mouth was covering hers. His lips were warm and insistent, one hand coming to rest on her waist while the other snaked up to cradle the back of her head. He tasted like sweet champagne. She kissed him back eagerly, throwing her arms around his neck as she felt there was a slight chance her legs might give out.
He pulled away slightly. "Tonks, I -"
"If you're going to ask if this is okay," she said breathlessly, "yes. It is more than okay." She pressed her lips to his again fiercely. "I've wanted to do this for the longest time. Do you want this?" He looked her in the eyes only for a moment, then his mouth was back on hers, lips moving hungrily, and now he had her pressed against the door. She moaned quietly as she moved her hands up to fist his hair. His hands were all over - on her waist, in her hair, cupping her face, below her waist. He pulled away again suddenly, but she was relieved to see he was smiling and appeared to be as out of breath as she was.
"Happy New Year, Nymphadora."
She grinned. "Just because I pulled you in here for a special snog doesn't mean you're allowed to call me that." She chewed her lip slightly. "Look, Remus - no, I know what you're about to say." He had opened his mouth, but closed it again with a rather sheepish look. "I wasn't drinking tonight because I wanted you to know that when I kissed you, I was entirely in control of my faculties."
"That hard to believe someone would want to kiss me without being absolutely rat-arsed first? Thank you."
She rolled her eyes. "No, you git, of course not. I want you to know that I want to kiss you when I'm rat-arsed and when I'm completely sober. I want to kiss you all the time, in fact." She beamed up at him. He still had her pressed against the library door, his fingers resting lightly on her waist, which was really doing quite pleasant things to her insides.
"You know," he said, cocking an eyebrow, "what I was going to say earlier - before you rather rudely interrupted me -"
"Oh, shush."
"...I was going to ask if you'd like to go to dinner with me sometime," he finished with a slightly cautious smile.
Oh. This was altogether going better than she had thought it would - much better - and her head swam with the thought.
"Like a date?" she said slowly.
"Like a date."
"Only if you wear one of your sexy cardigans," she replied. He snorted before pressing another kiss, softer and sweeter this time, to her lips.
"Deal. Though I thought mine weren't sexy? It was only Kurt Cobain whose cardigans you liked, if I recall."
"Mmm. Well if you keep snogging me like you did just now, I'd go so far as to say anything you wear is sexy." She grinned. "Yes, it's a date."
"It's a date," he repeated, gazing down at her with a slightly dazed look on his face. "You know, as much as I would love to keep doing this for the rest of the night, I suppose we should get back to the party before anyone knows we're missing." From the way he murmured this sentence in between pressing kisses to her neck, she had a feeling he was as reluctant to return to the crowded basement as she was.
"Likely should, I suppose. Especially as Kingsley and Sirius seem to have some bets going on about us." His lips paused their journey down her throat and he lifted his head, looking slightly alarmed. "I didn't ask, honestly. Don't really want to know."
"Yes. Ignorance is bliss where Sirius is concerned, most of the time." He sighed as he straightened up, reaching out to smooth down her hair where he had mussed it. He held out a hand to her, grinning as he opened the door. "Shall we?"
They walked back into the kitchen, Tonks giving Remus a bit of a head start and realizing too late that their attempts at being inconspicuous were utterly useless as his hair was sticking up in several different directions, and there was the slightest sheer glimmer of her lip gloss smeared across his lips; but he appeared to neither realize nor care and everyone else was about three sheets to the wind regardless. Sirius, however, caught sight of them as they re-entered the room. He clapped Remus on the back, whispering something in his ear that made Remus simultaneously flush furiously and beam. Tonks made her way to the table, pouring herself another full glass of champagne. She'd earned it, she told herself. And more practically speaking, if she was going to try and hold a conversation with anyone else that was in this kitchen right now, she needed more than a glass or two of champagne to prepare.
"So," she heard Sirius' voice in her ear, "still think he's an insufferable git?"
"Of course," she replied. "He's just an insufferable git that I happen to now have a date with." Her face hurt from smiling so much and she felt absolutely ridiculous. She still wasn't used to this whole crush thing, but if this was the way it would keep making her feel, she'd take it. Sirius looked at her for a moment before pulling her into a tight hug. "Oh, don't go all sappy on me, mate. Gross."
"I'm not," he said, voice muffled as he pressed his face into her shoulder. "Thank you."
"What're you thanking me for?"
"Thanks for making Moony look the happiest he's looked in years," Sirius said earnestly, finally pulling back and releasing her from his crushing embrace, though he kept one hand on her shoulder. His eyes were bright and his breath smelled sweetly of wine and she didn't want to know how drunk he was, but she was still beaming - god, she felt like such a schoolgirl - and she found herself pulling him in for another hug. He whispered into her shoulder, "And thank you for pulling the stick out his arse when you snogged him up there, he'll finally be able to sit comfortably again." Tonks rolled her eyes, pushing him away.
"Happy New Year, Sirius. I love you, you know that? I'm so glad to have you back. And your - er - charm."
He ruffled her hair. "You're alright too, kid. Just remember the virtues of a silencing charm. The beds in this old house are quite noisy and I don't exactly relish the thought of -"
"Alright, you know what? I take all that back."
"Yeah, yeah. By the way, I do have several galleons riding on a couple different things, so we'll need to chat later about -"
"Okay, we're done here. You and Kingsley can sort that shit out on your own." She turned away to find Remus, only to find that Mundungus had pulled him onto the makeshift dance floor and was now attempting to teach him what appeared to be some sort of jig, though it mostly consisted of Mundungus flailing about and Remus standing rather hopelessly next to him, a look of growing horror on his face.
He met her eyes and mouthed "help me." Grinning at him, she sidled over to the pair.
"'Ere to dance too, eh, Tonksie?" Dung asked, panting from his exertions. Remus shook his head slightly.
"Oh, no," she replied, "I'm merely a spectator, unless you both want to end the night with a few broken toes. But I was going to suggest that it might be more effective if you take Remus' hands to show him the steps, actually. He was saying to me earlier that he's more of a tactile learner when it comes to dancing, you know. Really needs someone to lead him."
Remus' jaw dropped. "I never said -"
"'Ere we go then, Lupin," Dung said, grabbing Remus' hands. "Thought a bloke like you'd actually know how to dance, but blimey, you're 'orrible." Remus scowled at her as Dung whisked him away. As she watched the two of them dance - it wasn't quite dancing, but she couldn't think of an adjective to really properly describe what was currently taking place on the dance floor, especially once the Weasley twins joined - she was happy.
She had a date with a 35 year old werewolf who knew how to push all her buttons and managed to vex her at least once every conversation, and she couldn't be more thrilled.