Chapter Text
What are friends for?
That’s the motto Jisung lives by. If he had one of those moving letter boards, that’s probably what he would put on it.
Of course, the motto only applies to one specific friend of Jisung’s. His best friend.
Jisung met Hyunjin at a playgroup at some random kid’s house that his mom forced him to go to. If it were up to Jisung, he’d spend all his time indoors rereading the Percy Jackson series. But alas, the world isn’t fair, so Jisung ended up at the playgroup anyway.
Hyunjin’s arrival at the playgroup was more like a red carpet than a drop-off, probably because both of Hyunjin’s moms walked their son up to the front step of the house. Though the kids were kept quiet because of the presence of the adults, that didn’t mean they weren’t ready to jump on Hyunjin once his moms said goodbye. When the teasing began, Hyunjin took everything the kids threw at him with his head down. The insults didn’t stop as kids followed Hyunjin all the way from the entry to the corner of the couch Hyunjin managed to stake out. Even when Hyunjin buried his nose in a book – the first book in the Percy Jackson series, Jisung noticed – the teasing didn’t cease.
That was when Jisung stepped in.
Now, Jisung was by no means popular within the playgroup, but he’d gained respect from most of the kids by single-handedly destroying them at Swordplay on Wii Sports Resort. So when Jisung approached the kids crowding Hyunjin, all it took was a threatening-sounding “Leave him alone, or die” for the kids to scatter.
Jisung crawled onto the couch next to Hyunjin, who barely gave him a glance before turning back to his book. “Thanks,” Hyunjin muttered. It sounded a little reluctant, but Jisung took it as a win.
“You’re welcome,” Jisung said brightly, and leaned a little closer to Hyunjin, peering over his shoulder at the page of the book. “I love that part. Every time I read it I laugh super hard ‘cause I imagine what their faces looked like after that amusement park ride.” Jisung seemed to earn a small grin from Hyunjin at that, and he saw it as another tiny victory. “I think we’re technically best friends now.”
At that, Hyunjin raised an eyebrow and finally tore his gaze away from his book. “Best friends?” he asked cautiously.
Jisung nodded. “Yeah, why not?”
Hyunjin looked down, but at his feet tucked underneath his legs, not the book page. “I’ve never had a best friend before,” he admitted.
“Me neither, actually,” Jisung said. “We can be each other’s first best friend!”
Hyunjin’s gaze went from his feet to a smiling Jisung. A small smile crept onto his face. “Okay, then. Hello, new best friend.”
“Best friend forever,” Jisung corrected, and Hyunjin’s small smile spread into a wide grin.
But what are friends, best friends, for? Well, Jisung can name a few things off the top of his head.
Best friends are for helping each other cram the night before an exam. One too many times has Hyunjin called Jisung the night before a chemistry test, or a biology test, or a physics test, and Jisung walked Hyunjin through the chapter in the textbook after sending Hyunjin pictures of his work.
“You are a literal angel, Sungie, thank you so much,” Hyunjin said through speakerphone the night before their chem final.
Something bubbled in Jisung’s chest at the compliment, probably pride, or embarrassment from the praise. “No need to thank me, Jinnie. What are friends for?” Jisung said before telling Hyunjin to get some sleep.
Best friends are for remembering things the other sometimes forgets. While Jisung’s creative, albeit scattered, mindset is great for coming up with plotlines for entire fantasy novels in the shower, he tends to forget things his brain deems ‘mundane,’ things like packing a lunch for school, or finishing homework that his teacher assigned as the bell rang.
“What’s this for?” Jisung asked, looking between the Cliff bar being pressed into his hands and Hyunjin.
“You can’t not have lunch, Jisung,” Hyunjin deadpanned, looking Jisung straight in the eye. Jisung’s face burned from the heat of Hyunjin’s stare. Hyunjin had always been adamant about eating three meals a day, something Jisung sometimes forgot to do.
“But isn’t this your pre-dance snack?” Jisung asked, waving the bar in front of Hyunjin.
Hyunjin just shrugged. “You need it more than I do,” was all he said and leaned back on the wall.
“But don’t you have rehearsal today? And doesn’t it go late today?” Jisung pried. He scooted down the empty hall they were eating in to get closer to Hyunjin, the sleeve of his jean jacket brushing up against Hyunjin’s shirt.
Hyunjin took a bite of some veggie wrap and hummed as confirmation. “Till eight o’clock.”
Jisung’s mouth fell open. “I can’t take this, then. You’re gonna starve at rehearsal if you don’t have something to eat after school,” he pleaded, but it was to no avail. Hyunjin refused to take the bar back.
“I’ll be fine, I promise,” Hyunjin said, looking at Jisung. Then with a grin, he said, “It’s not like I’m gonna die.”
“You might,” Jisung shot back. “I know how hungry you get.” At the word ‘hungry,’ Jisung’s stomach growled, and he wished that today of all days he’d thought to pack a lunch. Now, Hyunjin would suffer because of him. Jisung sighed and leaned back against the wall in defeat. He tore open the wrapper of the bar and glared at Hyunjin as he took a bite. He tried to look mad, but as the food hit his tongue, he couldn’t help smiling. “Happy now?” he asked, mouth full.
Hyunjin laughed and poked one of Jisung’s cheeks with his finger. “Very,” he said, then stuffed the rest of the veggie wrap into his mouth.
“I’ll bring you something while you’re at dance,” Jisung promised.
Hyunjin grinned at Jisung as he balled up the bag the veggie wrap came in with his hands. “I’d like that.”
“What are friends for?” Jisung said, mouth partially full of food. He told himself the warm feeling in his chest was the feeling of giving someone a gift they end up loving. It definitely wasn’t because Hyunjin directed his biggest eye smile at him. Not at all.
Best friends are for telling each other secrets. Jisung harbored one particular secret from Hyunjin for at least three months, which was three months shorter than the time Jisung spent lying to himself about this particular secret.
“Hyunjin, I have something really important to tell you,” Jisung blurted out when he physically couldn’t keep it from Hyunjin anymore.
Hyunjin turned to him with a worried look and even got up from his desk chair to sit next to where Jisung was lounging on his bed, nervously playing with his fingers. “What is it, Sungie? You sound really serious right now,” Hyunjin said.
Jisung breathed in and out, then figured he should probably just get it over with. “I’m gay,” he said and winced at his voice. It was the first time he’d said it out loud, and even though he’d admitted it to himself long ago, it sounded different when he put the words out into the air.
Hyunjin blinked. “You’re gay,” he said, more of a statement than a question.
Jisung pursed his lips and nodded. “Yeah,” he said lamely. “Are you, you know, good with that?”
It took a moment for Hyunjin to process Jisung’s question, and when he did, he let out his signature high-pitched laugh, the one Jisung told him probably sounds like fairies. Jisung stared at his best friend, who was apparently going to laugh until his lungs gave out with wide eyes, astonished at his behavior. Jisung had literally just come out to him, and Hyunjin just… laughed? The sinking feeling in the pit of Jisung’s stomach didn’t make him feel any better.
Once Hyunjin got control of himself, he fixed Jisung with a goofy grin. “Am I good with that? You do realize I have two moms, right?”
It was only then that Jisung realized how silly it was of him to be worried about coming out to his best friend. Of course Hyunjin wasn’t going to reject him, or think he was weird. But then, why was he so nervous about it?
“And if we’re being completely honest,” Hyunjin starts, his grin fading away, leaving a more serious look on his face, “I like boys, too.”
Jisung tilted his head. “You’re also gay?”
Hyunjin considered that for a moment before he shook his head. “No. At least, I don’t think so. I mean, I know I still like girls, but I also like other people too. I’m not really sure what to call what I am, though,” Hyunjin said. He looked down at his hands in his lap, and Jisung wanted to launch himself off Hyunjin’s pillows and hold Hyunjin’s hands. Wait, what?
Instead of that, Jisung settled for the next best thing. “Maybe you don’t know what you are right now, but I know you’ll find a name for it someday,” Jisung said, doing his best to be reassuring. He sat up and shuffled closer to Hyunjin. “Besides, who needs labels, am I right?”
Hyunjin huffed out a laugh, then turned to look at Jisung. “Thanks for that,” he said.
Jisung just grinned and wrapped his arms around Hyunjin. “What are friends for?”
But apparently, Hyunjin had a different idea about what best friends were for.
“Kissing practice?” Jisung said incredulously after Hyunjin suggested it. It came out of his mouth louder than he’d expected, and he looked around wildly to make sure his mom hadn’t heard. Luckily, his outburst had been confined to the walls of his room, where he and Hyunjin were supposed to be studying.
“Please, pretty please, Sungie?” Hyunjin begged, hands clasped together. “I just need a little bit of practice so I can impress my boyfriend, please?” He dragged out the ‘e’ in please for at least ten seconds.
Jisung couldn’t have been more confused. Since when did Hyunjin want kissing practice? And since when did Hyunjin have a boyfriend?
“Who’s the lucky guy?” Jisung asked.
Hyunjin swatted his hand at Jisung. “Just someone from the studio, you wouldn’t know him. But I really like him, and I need this practice, please, Sungie!”
Jisung didn’t know what made him relent. It could’ve been Hyunjin’s begging, or his absolute exasperation with his friend’s whining, but it absolutely wasn’t the tugging of his heart against his ribs when Hyunjin first mentioned kissing.
Hyunjin was positively overjoyed when Jisung reluctantly nodded his head. He dragged Jisung out of his chair and onto his bed, claiming it was the most comfortable spot in Jisung’s room. As Hyunjin thanked Jisung over and over again, Jisung internally wondered if he should pull out the tin of stale breath mints in his desk drawer.
Unfortunately, he didn’t get a chance to ask Hyunjin if he’d prefer Jisung’s normal breath or minty breath because Hyunjin wanted to start right away. Jisung nearly jumped away when Hyunjin’s hand cupped the side of Jisung’s face.
“Is this right?” Hyunjin asked tentatively. Jisung couldn’t conjure up a verbal response, so he just nodded his head and slightly leaned into Hyunjin’s hand. Hyunjin’s eyebrows furrowed, like he didn’t know what to do next, then his tongue swiped over his lower lip and he bit at it. The action was so slight that Jisung figured he must’ve done it subconsciously. At least, he hoped Hyunjin did it subconsciously. He didn’t think he could handle it if Hyunjin had done it on purpose.
But why should he care what Hyunjin’s doing? He was just practicing, practicing for his boyfriend that Jisung’s never heard about. But no matter how many times Jisung repeated he’s just practicing in his head like a permanent mantra, he couldn’t help the heat rising to his cheeks and the tips of his ears.
“Ready?” Hyunjin asked again, but this time, he sounded more sure of himself. His eyes flitted down to Jisung’s lips, then back up to Jisung’s eyes, and Jisung swore he felt his heart do a cartwheel.
Feeling his cheek heat up under Hyunjin’s hand as each second went by, Jisung nodded quickly and muttered a breathless “yes.” Not long after the word left his lips, Hyunjin closed the distance between them. Jisung’s eyes flew wide open when their lips connected for the first time, but the longer Hyunjin pressed their lips together and ran his thumb gently over Jisung’s cheek, Jisung’s eyes fluttered shut. He let himself have this moment, this kiss, with his best friend.
Wait a minute.
All too soon, Hyunjin pulled away and looked at Jisung with starry eyes. His hand lingered on Jisung’s cheek until Jisung cleared his throat, snapping Hyunjin out of a daze. He jerked his hand away. “Well, uh, that went well,” Hyunjin said. He looked everywhere but at Jisung, even laying his eyes upon the figurines displayed on Jisung’s bookshelf he always claimed were ‘ghastly.’
After swallowing the lump in his throat, Jisung finally found words. “Yeah,” he said, “I think your boyfriend’s gonna be impressed.”
Hyunjin whipped his gaze around to Jisung and looked at him quizzically, then realization dawned on his face. “Right, my boyfriend. Um, well,” Hyunjin stuttered, “I think maybe I should, uh, get going.”
Jisung furrowed his eyebrows and pouted. “I thought we were studying together. Big math test tomorrow?”
Hyunjin pushed himself off Jisung’s bed and gathered his things haphazardly into his backpack, which only made Jisung more confused. Hyunjin got annoyed if the corner of a worksheet was dog-eared, and with the way he was shoving everything into his backpack, there was going to be a lot more than just dog-eared paper to deal with later.
“I – I think I’d better finish at home. Wanted to go over some flashcards, and I know you hate flashcards.” It was true, Jisung did hate flashcards. He would never be able to figure out how people did productive studying with them.
But despite something pounding against his ribcage telling him to make Hyunjin stay, Jisung said, “Oh, okay. I’ll, um, see you tomorrow, then. And I’ll text you tonight, to make sure you sleep early-ish.” Hyunjin only offered Jisung a small smile, one that looked like it was hiding too many emotions behind it when he looked at Jisung over his shoulder before opening the door and letting himself out. Once Hyunjin closed the door, Jisung flopped back onto his bed and groaned loudly.
I just kissed my best friend, he thought. And when he did, his heart started racing a hundred miles an hour. That was when he realized: I have a crush on my best friend.
~
Hyunjin may be the only person Jisung’s ‘what are friends for’ motto applies to, but considering he can’t rant to Hyunjin about Hyunjin, he goes with the next best person.
This is how he finds himself at a local coffee shop sitting across the table from Felix, Jisung’s running buddy during track practices who also happens to take the same dance classes as Hyunjin on Tuesdays and Thursdays.
“And so, we kissed, then he just left! Like nothing even happened, something about studying flashcards,” Jisung finishes his rant about Hyunjin and takes a sip of iced Americano, cringing at the bitter taste. Why did I even order this? he thinks, then remembers. It’s Hyunjin’s favorite drink; he’s gotten accustomed to ordering the same thing.
“And, let me guess, you like him?” Felix asks, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He’d finished his coffee towards the middle of Jisung’s rant, so now he’s just swirling ice around in the bottom of the cup with his straw, a very bored expression on his face.
Jisung fixes Felix with a pointed stare after rolling his eyes. “No, I kissed him for XP points – yes, Felix, of course I like him!” Jisung exclaims. He takes another sip of his drink out of habit, forgetting that he doesn’t like how it tastes, then shoves it across the table. It slides across the slick wood and bumps into Felix’s elbow, nearly careening off the edge. Felix sighs and picks up Jisung’s cup, setting it in the middle of the table, out of Jisung’s reach before he wipes the condensation off his arm.
“And, you’re sure he doesn’t like you,” Felix says, a statement rather than a question.
Jisung rolls his eyes again. “Felix, he has a boyfriend, of course he doesn’t like me! That’s the problem: I like him, but he’s unavailable, but we kissed. How am I supposed to live with myself?” Jisung cried out before burying his head in his hands.
He hears Felix sigh again from across the table and he peeks out from between his fingers. He’s expecting some comforting words from Felix, maybe a ‘that really sucks, dude,’ but what Felix says is, “You absolute dumbass.”
Jisung looks over both shoulders to make sure Felix was talking to him, then points at himself to double-check. “Me?” he asks, and Felix nods, looking bored again. “I can’t believe you. I tell you my sob story, and you insult me?”
“Well, it’s true,” Felix says like he’s stating the obvious, and goes back to swirling the ice at the bottom of his cup. After about five seconds, Jisung swipes the cup from Felix’s grasp and sets it in the middle of the table next to his unfinished yet discarded drink.
“Oh, is it now?” Jisung says, fluttering his eyelashes as if he’s the peak of innocence. It’s Felix’s turn to roll his eyes. “Please, enlighten me,” he says, resting his chin in his hands, elbows propped up on the table.
Felix sighs for the third time. “Jisung, Hyunjin doesn’t have a boyfriend.”
Jisung blinks a few times, then sits up straight in his seat as if that might improve his hearing. “Sorry, Hyunjin what?”
“He doesn’t have a boyfriend,” Felix repeats.
“Impossible,” Jisung says, swatting his hand at Felix. “The only reason he wanted to kiss me was to practice for his boyfriend, if he doesn’t have one that would mea – oh my god.” Jisung stops and his mouth drops into an ‘o’ shape. Felix snorts and reaches for his cup of ice, swirling the ice with the straw again. “That smooth little motherfucker,” Jisung mutters under his breath.
He stands up, promptly knocking his chair over, which makes a huge clattering noise when it hits the floor, but Jisung barely registers it. He definitely doesn’t see the annoyed look the barista gives him and he probably doesn’t realize that there’s a dopey grin spreading on his face. He turns to Felix abruptly. “I have to go,” he says and slaps a bill on the table to pay Felix back. “It was nice seeing you!” Jisung shouts as he runs out of the coffee shop, the bell above the door tinkling as he leaves.
Felix sighs once more and swirls the ice around in his drink again. “What’s up with him?” Felix turns to the counter at the barista’s voice.
He just stands up, moving to throw away his and Jisung’s coffee cups in the proper receptacle bins. “I think he had an epiphany,” is all Felix says to the barista, who just shrugs in return and goes back to sweeping.
***
By the time Jisung punches the door code into the keypad at the community center Hyunjin’s dance school rents studio space from, it’s seven-thirty, which means Hyunjin’s class is ending. Jisung struggles with the door handle at least twice before he pulls it open, and runs through the entry hall, shoes thumping on the floor.
There’s a small trickle of dancers carrying warm-up gear and water bottles, their skin shining with a considerable amount of sweat as Jisung makes his way to the big studio at the other end of the building. One of the girls carrying two pairs of pointe shoes gives him a weird look as he dodges and weaves through all the dancers.
Luckily for Jisung, Hyunjin likes to stay in the studio a little after class gets dismissed. There’s a little tugging at his heart when he remembers this, and he grins because he’s so proud of his best friend – no, his crush – for being so dedicated to something he loves.
Not thirty seconds after Jisung pants to a stop near the studio door does Hyunjin walk out of it, arms laden with his water bottle and a couple of colorful stretchy ribbons – Therabands , Jisung remembers. Jisung’s waiting so close to the door that Hyunjin runs into him when he leaves the studio and drops his water bottle, which crashes to the floor with a deafening clank.
“J – Jisung,” Hyunjin says, eyes locked on Jisung’s, even as he bends down to pick up his water bottle. “Um, what are you doing here?” His voice is cautious, and Jisung knows why. Jisung being at the studio means that he might have the chance to run into Hyunjin’s nonexistent boyfriend.
Jisung flutters his eyelashes innocently and plays with the hems of his sleeves, and now that he’s looking, he notices the slight pink tinge on Hyunjin’s ears that he knows isn’t from dance because Hyunjin’s ears don’t get flushed when he dances. “I can’t see my best friend , now, huh?” he says, emphasizing the words ‘best friend.’ Hyunjin can’t seem to find an answer for that; he just plays with the handle of his water bottle. Jisung sighs, and decides he should just get right to the point. “Where’s your boyfriend?” he asks, and Hyunjin meets his eyes worriedly.
“Oh, uh,” Hyunjin stutters, “he’s in the changing room already, I think.” He nods at the end of his sentence like that would cement his lie. Jisung’s not buying it.
“Okay, then, I guess I’ll just wait here,” Jisung says, and plants his butt on the bench lining the wall outside the studio.
Hyunjin blinks at Jisung a couple times before he shakes his head quickly. “Wait, um. Okay, cool,” Hyunjin says, rubbing the material of one Theraband between his fingers. “Uh, why?”
Jisung puts on his sweetest smile as he looks up at Hyunjin from picking at the material of his jeans. “Because,” he says, drawing the word out, “I wanna meet the guy who’s been benefitting from my kissing lesson.”
The look on Hyunjin’s face after those words leave Jisung’s mouth is unrivaled. His mouth is open comically wide in a little ‘o’ shape, but he closes it quickly after he processes what Jisung said. “I, uh, you – you wanna meet him?” he asks timidly. Jisung nods, keeping the smile plastered on his face. He’d be lying if he said he isn’t having fun toying with Hyunjin like this, especially with the amount of color present on Hyunjin’s face that most definitely isn’t from dancing, considering class got out five minutes ago.
Hyunjin sighs, the worried expression on his face almost looking pained by now, and finally nods at Jisung. “O – okay, you can meet him. Let me just go drop my stuff off in the changing room, and I’ll, uh, bring him out to you. Wait here, okay?” Jisung nods in agreement, but as he watches Hyunjin’s back disappear down the hall, he furrows his brow. That’s not how it was supposed to go, Jisung thinks. What was supposed to happen was he would call Hyunjin’s bluff, Hyunjin would admit it, and they would kiss again, even though Hyunjin’s a little sweaty, and live happily ever after.
Jisung leans his head back against the wall and closes his eyes, squeezing them shut in frustration after a moment. I should be kissing him by now, he thinks regretfully, and the tugging feeling comes back again, much stronger this time.
He’s wondering how Hyunjin’s going to pull this lie off when he, in fact, does not have a boyfriend from dance when he hears footsteps coming from down the hall. Jisung’s eyes fly open and he jolts off the bench. What’s strange is it sounds like there’s more than one pair of footsteps. At that thought, Jisung’s stomach ties itself in knots. Was Felix wrong about Hyunjin not having a boyfriend?
Jisung braces himself before Hyunjin reappears, another dancer following behind him. When he catches sight of Jisung, Hyunjin grabs the other guy’s hand, holding it tight. Surprise washes over the dancer’s face, but he masks it fairly quickly. Jisung isn’t sure whether that’s normal for a couple, but maybe the guy’s not the touchy type.
Or they could be faking it, the hopeful part of Jisung’s brain, the part closest to his heart, supplies.
“Hi,” Jisung says brightly as Hyunjin and the other guy come closer. Hyunjin manages a smile for his best friend, and the guy slightly inclines his head as a greeting.
“Jisung,” Hyunjin says, breathing in deeply. “This is Minho.” He gestures briefly toward the dancer, Minho, who gives Jisung a tiny wave. He is nailing the nervous boyfriend getting introduced to the best friend role, Jisung thinks and makes a mental note to praise Minho’s acting skills once this whole thing is behind them. If Minho is just pretending to be Hyunjin’s boyfriend, he reminds himself, and a sour taste fills the back of his throat.
“Hi, Minho,” Jisung says. “Nice to put a face to the name.” He’s just saying that for formality’s sake. Hyunjin never told him his boyfriend’s name, now that Jisung thinks about it. He shakes Minho’s hand, again out of formality, and after an extended period of strained eye contact, Hyunjin blurts something about needing to get their stuff.
You better have a good reason for this, Hwang Hyunjin, Jisung thinks as he walks Hyunjin and Minho back to the men’s changing room. He doesn’t miss the telling glances the two dancers shoot at each other behind Jisung’s back. Because if you don’t, I might not be able to forgive you for messing with my heart like this.