Chapter Text
“I’m not in the mood for a hope speech, Emma,” Regina says, resting her head on her hand.
“You’re mistaking me for my mother,” Emma replies with a half-smirk. “Besides, you don’t need a speech -- you need a drinking buddy. Shots?”
Mildly surprised, Regina raises her head and looks at the Savior. With a dismissive gesture, she sighs, “Sure, why not?”
Emma smiles briefly, looks at the bartender and says: “Two,” holding up two fingers at the same time. Regina sighs and looks back down at her coffee, cupping it with her hands.
“You know you did the right thing today.”
Rolling her eyes, Regina huffs, “There it is! A hope speech. I thought we were drinking.” She is clearly annoyed.
“It’s not a speech, it’s a compliment,” Emma replies, eyes raised at the ceiling.
“I don’t need a validation, I know I did the right thing… I know, because I’m miserable. Again,” she adds with a sigh. A pause follows, her words hanging heavily in the air.
“If it makes you feel any better.. so is Gold.” Emma’s mouth curls into a small smile.
After a second of deliberation, Regina nods. “It - does -.”
They clink their glasses, but before they can throw the alcohol down their throats, Granny’s bell rings and Henry storms inside -
~*~
Regina slowly wakes up. It is hard for her to open her eyes. She feels groggy. Not because she’s hungover, though. That feels different. But there’s a pleasant laziness in her limbs that keeps her in her bed. It might have something to do with the warm body laying against her back. She’s on her side, and the arm draped over her waist, the body snuggled against hers, makes her feel warm and cozy and content, and she has no intention of fully waking up any time soon. She is happy, and in this present state between dream and reality, she realizes she hasn’t been this happy for a long while.
Fingers draw soft patterns on her stomach, but she instinctively knows it is an unconscious gesture. She feels how a warmth originates from where the fingers touch her skin, spreading through her entire body, and she sighs a happy sigh. It has been a while since she has been so comfortable and without worry. She lazily shifts an arm to lace the fingers with her own, enjoying feelings which she hadn't felt in such a long time, and with two fingers she stroked the other arm of --
Wait.
Who exactly ?
Her eyes fly open at the very same moment the stranger’s arm is pulled back in a flash and she struggles out of bed, nearly panicking. She hears a thump at the other side of the bed and recognizes it as the sound of someone falling to the ground. As she swings her legs over the left side of the bed, she turns with a leap and looks straight into a pair of bright green eyes peeking over the bed´s edge, which mirror the panic Regina is feeling.
“Emma?!”
“Regina?! I -- What’d you do?”
“Miss Swan, what the hell are you doing in my bedroom?” Irritation and panic are merging in Regina’s stomach.
“What- me ?! Why the hell am I in your bed - with you ?!” Emma cries out.
“I don’t know, dear, that’s why I asked,” the brunette snaps, now flustered.
As the first flash of anger and panic dissipates, Regina looks closer, stating that both of them are fully dressed. Pity , she unconsciously thinks but she shakes it off, dismissively. “What the hell is going on here?”
“I don’t know,” Emma says indignantly, inspecting her own clothes. “I can’t even remember ending up here .” She glares at Regina in suspicion. “You? Regina, did you have anything to do with-”
“What- no! Thank you for your trust, savior, ” Regina snarls. She feels oddly hurt because of Emma’s remark. “And may I remind you that you’re in my bedroom? All I know is you offering to be my drinking buddy and after the first shot, I don’t remember anything. I-” A memory surfaces and her brow furrows even more. “No, wait. I don’t even remember drinking the first one.”
Emma frowns while she searches her own memory. “That’s my last memory as well. Henry barging into Granny’s.”
“And we’re clearly not hungover. So something else must’ve happened after that.” She folds her arms, which gives her a sense of reassurance. “Wait - how much time has passed since then? God knows how much time we’re missing.”
Emma helplessly shrugs. “What the hell happened?” She runs her hands through her hair, pulls it from her face and combs through it with her fingers.
“I don’t know, but I’m going to figure it out,” Regina spits, turning around to march out of the room.
“Regina, wait,” Emma calls out, running after her. “We’re in this together, okay? We’ll figure it out. First, we need to see how much time passed.” Patting her pant pockets, she frowns, “I don’t have my phone.”
Regina searches for hers too but comes up empty-handed as well. She all but runs to the front door to pick up the Daily Mirror and breathes deeply. “Only one day,” she sighs relieved, showing the newspaper to Emma. Finding out the date has at least lowered the level of adrenaline in her body, which gives her mind some space to go over what had happened the day before.
Yesterday she’d said her goodbyes to Robin. Her life had fallen apart - again. She was emotionally devastated - again. Doing the right thing, being a freaking hero, isn’t really compatible with her happiness, she bitterly thinks. Apparently, the universe is even against her drinking her misery away, as she has no recollection nor a hangover to prove that she and Emma had indeed been doing shots in the end.
Emma’s words bring her back to the present. “Do you think someone used magic on us?” The permanent frown on the blonde’s brow furrows even more.
“Well,” Regina sighs, lifting her arms in exasperation and rolling her eyes, “obviously, because this is not an alcoholic induced memory loss. And we don’t even know the extent of the spell - are we the only ones that can’t remember last night?” Regina combs her hand through her hair, and a little impatient, she says: “I’m going to find Henry. He was supposed to sleep at your place tonight and since he’s the last one we saw yesterday, barging into Granny’s, we need to know if he’s all right.”
Emma hums in agreement and lets Regina go first. At least, Regina muses, their quest will take her mind off the searing feeling of despair she’s been harboring since Robin’s left town.
~*~
After the initial shock, Emma calms down a bit as they swiftly pace through the silent streets of Storybrooke. It is still very early and a Sunday as well, so there isn’t a living soul outside yet. That’s good, because if this memory loss is widespread, they might have a town-wide panic on their hands.
She knew right away that Regina hadn’t lied after they’d both shot out of the bed. Emma can always see right through Regina. She always knows when Regina is lying. If she has to be cursed with someone, she figures, Regina would be her best option.
A pang of guilt shoots through her chest because she realizes she placed Regina before Killian, but she shrugs it off quickly. In fact, she muses, she’s not really surprised. If she was completely honest with herself, she would take Regina over Killian during every curse. She’s not really sure what that means, but she does know she trusts Regina completely. Regina is the one person who can truly understand her. Emma needs her to be in her life.
Besides, if she is truly honest with herself, she actually enjoyed waking up like that. Wrapped around Regina. She isn’t even going to deny it. Emma’s had a crush on Regina for years, almost since they met for the first time.
And Regina can never know.
For years, before Killian, before Robin and even when they were fighting like hell, she has felt physically pulled to Regina. For one, the woman is impossibly attractive, especially when she is angry. But there is more. Emma loves how Regina’s mind works. How she moves. Her sarcasm. Her love and affection for Henry. The way she smiles -- she hasn’t done that a lot, lately and Emma hates that it’s her fault.
And Emma knows there is even more and that, even though Regina is too blind to see, there have been these moments between them that could have potentially been more but Regina’s always been oblivious to them or was just not interested.
But when Regina gave Emma her own memories of raising Henry, just before Pan’s curse hit, she’d known. She’d realized that at a certain level, Regina cared for her. And then, for only a year, she hadn’t known until Hook had come and given her back her memories.
Returning to Storybrooke after that year was bittersweet. Emma had hoped that she and Regina could maybe talk about memories, feelings, things , talk about the curse, talk about the life Regina had created for Henry, but before she had any chance, Regina found her frigging soulmate. And Emma, frustrated but not wanting to stand in the way of Regina’s happiness, had retreated. Because, how could she possibly compete with a soulmate? (Even if the guy was a total douchebag)
Emma sighs, shaking her head. Robin’s gone now, but Regina’s hurting. She can see it in the way the brunette hunches her shoulders, and her heart aches for her. But she doesn’t really know what to say. She’s experienced enough loss herself to know that sometimes, silence is the best answer.
They make their way over to the apartment she still shares with her parents and Neal in silence. She quickens her pace so that she walks next to Regina, and the brunette briefly looks sideways. “We’re going to fix this. We’re going to be okay,” she says. Emma sees her own concern for Henry mirrored in brown eyes, and she nods, hoping it will reassure Regina that their son will be fine. It is all she can do. Regina gives one nod as a reply, breaks the eye contact and firmly plants her gaze at the building they’re quickly approaching.
~*~
“Ma! Mom?” Henry says, turning his head from the one to the other, a little surprised that both his moms are standing at the door when he opens it. He looks at them, funnily. “What’s wrong?” he asks them warily. It’s almost like he knows something.
“Well, we’re trying to figure that out, dear,” Regina tells their son, squeezing his shoulder before she walks past him. She leans against the counter. “It appears that someone has been messing with our memories - again,” she adds, looking up to Emma. Emma adds, “We can’t remember anything after you came to us at Granny’s. Do you?”
Henry’s eyes wander before they settle on his mom. “Yes, I do. We went to Gold’s house. I showed you the room with the books and-- you don’t remember that?” he says, puzzled, seeing the blank faces staring at him.
"Well,” Regina notices after a short pause, “It appears that we’re the only ones affected so far, then.”
“Tell us what happened, kid,” Emma says. “We’re going to retrace everything to figure out what happened to us.”
“Cool, like detectives. Do you think it has something to do with Operation Mongoose?” Henry looks a little too greedy and Regina says, “Maybe,” at the same time as Emma asks, “What operation?”
Regina shuffles a little unsettled and Henry sighs: “You really don’t remember, do you?”
Both women shake their heads and Regina smiles wryly, turning to Emma. “Henry and I… Well, uh… we were looking for the author. I was… hoping he,” she says with a sigh and a half-smile, “he could write me a happier story.”
“Oh my god, mom,” Henry cries out in surprise, “those are the exact same words you used yesterday evening when we were in Gold’s house!”
Regina looks at him, startled, but he turns to Emma, saying, “We called it Operation Mongoose.”
“I like it,” Emma immediately says, placing a hand on Henry’s shoulder, “it’s got style. I’m in.”
“You are?” Regina’s eyes land on Emma, surprised.
“Well, I made you a promise and I intend to keep it,” Emma’s lips curve into a smile. “Everyone deserves a happy ending.”
Regina feels her stomach squeeze as she returns the smile.
“MOMS! This is exactly what you said yesterday!” Henry squeals. “That must mean something, right?!” Both women turn their heads in unison to face their son, stupefied. He continues, “Okay, so we went to Gold’s house because I needed to show you something. There’s a hidden door in a dead-ended wall and you can open it while pushing down a lamp on that very wall. Behind it is a huge room, it looks like a library only it isn’t. It contains all sorts of empty books just like my storybook but they’re all empty so we figured it’s probably the author’s house. We looked around for a bit but couldn’t find the author and then we left... together. I went to the apartment and you wanted to see if there were any clues in Gold’s store.”
Emma and Regina instantly find each other’s eyes. “Then that’s where we should go next,” Emma says, happy to have a lead. “Kid, do you think there’s something in the author’s house that we missed?”
“We might,” Henry shrugs, and he looks thoughtful. As if he wants to say something, but doesn’t. Instead, he says, “I’d planned to go back there today to see if I could figure out more.”
“All right,” Emma says, stretching out a hand towards Regina, who’s sunk on a bar stool moments before. “Let us know if you find something, kid. We’re off to see Belle.”
Regina stares at the hand for a second, then her eyes flick up at Emma, who seems a little impatient, and she takes her hand, allowing Emma to pull her up. Her fingers tingle where they touch. As if little flashes of electricity run through them. She quickly retracts her hands as if she’d burned herself. “Let’s go, then.” She strides past Emma, who seems a little puzzled before following the brunette.
~*~
They exit the building in silence, but as soon as Emma catches up with Regina - who is clearly in a hurry to get to Gold’s shop - she asks her, “Do you have any theories? How can we be the only ones losing our memories?”
“We’re still not sure about that,” Regina answers, not slowing down one bit. “Henry knows what’s happened, but we’ve only seen just him. We don’t know if anyone else is under a spell. For all we know, Gold had one more trick on his sleeve and did a number on others as well. But the way Zelena altered the dark curse that Snow and Charming cast in the Enchanted forest… A wizard or witch would definitely be able to personalize it to target just a couple of subjects.”
Emma’s brow furrows. “Do you think more people might suffer from this temporary amnesia? Let’s hope Belle’s not,” she adds. Regina shares that sentiment. The bookworm can hold a valuable clue to their whereabouts yesterday evening, and Regina feels she’s getting agitated to solve this entire mystery -- and especially why Emma ended up sleeping in her bed. She picks up the pace, marching swiftly to Gold’s shop. She brusquely pushes the door open upon arrival and barges in.
Belle looks surprised when they enter but as soon as she realizes who has come in, she gets a reserved glance in her eyes. “Emma, Regina... did you find what you were looking for yesterday?”
The blonde and brunette share a gaze before turning their eyes towards Belle again. “We don’t really know,” Emma says. “It appears we’re under some kind of spell and we lost all our memories of last night. We’re basically following clues to see where we’ve been to see what’s happened.”
“Oh?” Belle makes it sound like a question, Regina thinks, and for some reason, it annoys her. “Well, I can help you fill in some of your gaps, I think. You came here yesterday,” the bookworm says, glaring at Regina now, “but you weren’t the politest one.“
“Shocker,” Emma snorts, slightly amused, and at the same time Regina snaps, “Well, that’s not about to change anytime soon, so tell us what you know.” She doesn’t have any patience for this.
They stare at each other until Belle breaks the silence. “Well, as I said yesterday , you’re free to look around to see if you can find something, but I’m not sure what items will help you. You’re more adept at searching for usable magical items than I am.”
“They’re not like spider senses,” Regina scowls, frowning, and Belle smiles wistfully. “That’s what you said yesterday as well. But I don’t know what you’re looking for. Then, I suggested we could go to the library and see if we could find something there, given that Robin found a replacement page of the author’s book in the library, so I suggested we’d go there.”
Just the mention of his name makes Regina’s heart squeeze with hurt, and she grits her teeth. “Well, yes, and look how well that turned out,” she growls. She can feel how the anger builds up inside her. “It just showed that the author loves toying with the Evil Queen.”
“Hmm. Maybe. But what if it appeared for a reason?” Belle says, clearly harnessing herself for what is coming. It irritates Regina all the more.
“What reason?”
“Maybe the page was meant to lead you here.”
“Oh, so I was meant to be miserable - again?! Thank you for your wonderfully bright insight,” Regina scoffs.
“Regina, stop it,” Emma says, grabbing her arm, but Regina quickly pulls free, ignoring the electric shocks shooting through her body from the point Emma had touched her.
“No, I won’t,” she snaps. “Because according to the bookworm, I’m supposed to be this miserable for a reason, and I’d like to know what that reason is!”
“I never said that,” Belle protests.
“What happened yesterday is not her fault,” Emma snaps back at Regina. “She lost someone too.”
“Then maybe she should not have hooked up with the freaking Dark One and marry him in the first place!” Regina can’t help herself. She is hurting, confused, angry, and she lashes out. Belle’s just the easiest subject around.
A heavy silence cloaks them. Belle stares at Regina and raises her chin, eyes shining with unshed tears. “As you said yesterday,” she quietly answers. More firmly, she adds, “And as I said yesterday, maybe you should leave. Now.”
At the same time, Emma grabs Regina’s shoulder and turns her around to face her. “We are leaving.” Regina sees Emma through a red mist of anger.
“No, we aren’t doing anything,” the brunette bites. “You’ve done enough already, haven’t you?” Before the savior can say anything, Regina narrows her eyes and lifts her hand, flicks her wrist and within seconds she’s disappeared in purple smoke, reappearing in the park without Emma.
Regina paces up and down, trying to compose herself. It’s hard to breathe while thinking about how much she’s given up, what she’s lost and - why the hell did she come here anyway? There, on that bench just in front of her, Robin had told her he’d chosen her. Right before Marian fell near the water, shattering her dreams of a future together in a mere second.
Clenching her teeth and breathing through them, she narrows her eyes, tilts her hand, and a fireball appears. The rage inside her is seeking a way out and she snarls, feeling the need to break something . That bench is the perfect victim - now she can’t kill anyone anymore. At least it will kill the memories and right now, it’ll have to do. She brings her arm backwards and with a growl, she wants to thrust the fireball forward and - she can’t.
“Let go ,” she snarls, but Emma has a firm grip on her wrist and is not letting go.
“Don’t, Regina. It’s not going to change anything. Destroying public property is not worth it.”
“Well, at least it will make me feel better,” she snaps, trying to pull loose, but Emma is prepared. She keeps a firm hold on Regina’s wrist.
“No it won’t, and you know it,” she softly says, more gentle than Regina expected her to, but she feels how the savior tightens her grip and sees how Emma steps in to lock their eyes, grabbing the other arm as well, and Regina wants to look away from those gentle, understanding eyes because now surfacing right below the fury is grief; seas - no, oceans - of it, and she instinctively feels that it won’t take long before she will break down, and she desperately struggles to control herself, panting heavily.
But then, Emma murmurs, “Let it go, Regna,” and it breaks her. Horrified, she feels how her eyes fill up with tears and desperately tries to blink them away. One escapes. Then, another one. The first sob leaves her throat.
The fireball disappears when she drops her arm, and she lets out another sob. She raises her hands, not done with fighting yet, and balls them into fists, pushes them against Emma’s chest. Hitting her, again and again. Regina wants to hurt her, wants to destroy something, but Emma doesn’t even blink and then wraps her arms tightly around Regina. Emma anchors her at the moment Regina’s legs give way and if it wasn’t for the savior, she would have dropped to the ground. A frail attempt to push Emma away is almost laughable, but Emma simply shifts her grip, pulls Regina close, comforts her with her own body.
“Let it go.”
And then, Regina’s walls come crashing down and she gives up fighting, feels how they slowly sink down to the ground, and she buries her face in Emma’s neck to muffle the sound while raising her hands to grip the blonde’s shoulders. Her fingers dig deep in Emma’s skin, but the savior never even winces.
Regina cries with long, silent heaves and can’t stop - she doesn’t even try - and during, Emma just holds her, strikes her hair in comfort, making humming sounds that the brunette registers, but can’t hold on to. Regina clings to Emma as if she’s the only one that grounds her while she grieves intensely for what she has lost. Pixie dust had told her Robin was her soulmate and she had been truly happy until Marian showed up, was cursed and then everything went to hell in the blink of an eye.
And Regina, once more, can’t shake the thought that villains just never deserve their happy endings.
Emma firmly keeps her arms wrapped around the devastated woman. She rocks her gently, humming a comforting song that she remembers singing for Henry. Fake memories or not, they always worked and it is an automatic response.
The savior realizes that Regina has probably never let go like this before, ever in her lifetime. Simply because there hasn’t been anyone to catch her if she fell. There had been nobody that would let her be this vulnerable. It’s a painful parallel with her own life, she realizes, and it makes her want to hold on even tighter. She pushes her nose in Regina’s hair, humming on and clearing her head. All she will do right now is be here for her.
It feels like forever before Regina calms down, but eventually, her sobs lessen, and though her breathing remains shaky, she feels like she’s getting herself a little bit under control again. Emma still holds her tight, whispers comforting words in her ears and presses a gentle kiss on her hair. Regina’s still breathing heavily, an occasional sob escaping her throat.
Regina feels empty, as if all feelings have left her body. Except embarrassment, she thinks as she tries to pull back a little, but Emma doesn’t allow her to wriggle loose completely. She does give her some space, so they can look at each other. Regina averts her eyes quickly, flustered about the situation.
“I apologize,” Regina murmurs, but Emma won’t have it. She cups Regina’s face, forcing the brunette to look at her. “Don’t. Never apologize for this. You clearly needed this and I’m glad I could be here for you.” She smiles carefully. “I am here for you, okay?”
Regina’s cheeks flush, and she squeezes her red-rimmed eyes but doesn’t pull away. The void inside her becomes a little less empty when something flutters in her stomach. It’s the eyes. The bright greenness. Her skin tingles where Emma is still holding her.
“I am usually not-” she begins, but she can’t find the right words, anxious because of her breakdown and how close Emma is. Emma squeezes her arm gently. “I know,” she hums. “Are you feeling better, though?”
After a moment of contemplation, Regina nods. “I am. Thank you, Emma,” she quietly says with sincerity, and Emma smiles.
“You’re welcome,” she replies, “that’s what friends are for.” She carefully releases the brunette.
For a moment, it feels like a loss, but then Emma touches her shoulder once more. Regina raises her head to meet her eyes again. She sees honesty, kindness and something else. “I’m here for you. You know that, right? No hope speeches, I promise.”
Emma is way too close, her brain shouts at her. If she just leans in a little bit… Her lips tingle. Again, that flutter in her stomach. And the blush that rises up from her neck to her cheeks. Both mistake it for embarrassment, and Regina only nods. “Thank you, Emma,” she says again, now pulling back herself. Clearing her throat, she carefully gets up, feeling exhausted from her emotional outburst; she needs to get away from Emma, as well. She must acquire some physical distance before she does something stupid that will embarrass her even more. Her breath hitches as she tries not to think about what she could’ve done so easily, and she tries to compose herself by clearing her throat. “Maybe we should go to the library.”
“About that,” Emma smiles, back in sherriff mode, and plants her hands on the ground to push herself up. “After you left, Belle said the stunt you pulled was almost the exact same one as yesterday. You vanished before we could look in the store, and she assumed we had gone to the library. So, after she’d calmed down a bit, she went there as well, but apparently she caught us in a heated argument near Gold’s store and I threw my phone away in anger before you poofed out. She looked for it to give it back to me, but couldn’t find it.” She shrugs. “I haven’t looked for it yet but I guess maybe that’s our next stop, before checking out the library.” She starts to move, but a hand on her arm stops her. She tilts her head to look at Regina’s face, waiting what she has to say.
Regina returns the gaze, brow furrowed. “Don’t you think it is... oddthat we are basically reliving everything? The conversation we had about the author with Henry, the fight I had with Belle, our fall out.” Did she have the same emotional meltdown as she had just now? It makes her feel uncomfortable and immediately, on edge again.
Emma, however, doesn’t really mind. “Well, maybe. It doesn’t have to be something magical, per se. Maybe we’re just stuck in our own behavior,” she smiles. “It does mean we’re on the right path, right? We’ll figure it out and just… stick together, and see what happens, okay?” She squeezes Regina’s arm. “We’ll figure it out together,” she adds with a small smile. “We always do.”
Regina sighs and nods, and Emma grabs her hand. Regina’s never really noticed how often Emma’s touching her but in retrospect, she always has. “It’s going to be okay. I promise,” Emma tells her, squeezing Regina’s fingers. Regina smiles tentatively. She hopes so, but she is glad to have Emma there with her. Warmth spreads from where their fingers touch, through her body, and she carefully releases Emma’s hand. But not before she gives a tiny squeeze back.
"Let’s go and find your phone,” she says. “And I will... apologize to Belle for falling out to her. Again.”
~*~
After Regina’s regally apologized to Belle - she’s still not really used to apologizing to anyone - the pair sets off to the alley next to Gold’s shop. “It should be here somewhere,” Emma says. “I’ve asked Belle to call my phone, but I think I put it on silent so that’s no use.” Or, she threw it so hard that it’s broken, but Regina keeps that thought to herself.
She peeks over at Emma, who just bent over to look behind a trash container, and can not help but appreciate the view. She almost scowls at herself when she realizes what she is doing and returns to the task at hand. She feels her cheeks glow. What the hell is wrong with her?! She had a meltdown about Robin just moments ago! Shaking her head, she pushes some trash away with her foot, and a disgusted look appears on her face - clearly people need to learn to clean up after themselves, those bins aren’t there for nothing -- and there it is. Emma’s phone. Stuck between a banana peel and some undefined trash.
“Emma, I found it,” she calls out, picking the phone up between her thumb and her index finger. Emma notices the disgusted look on Regina’s face and can’t help but grin. “Not so fond of dumpster diving, are we now, Madam Mayor?” she mocks her a bit. Regina gladly hands over the phone. “No, dear, that is where you usually come in, right?” Fingers brush slightly and Regina pulls her hand back a little too quick.
Emma’s smile fades, and her brow furrows as she unlocks and studies her phone. “What is it?” Regina asks, curious, while approaching to get a view at the phone’s screen. 23 missed calls, 41 messages awaiting, and most of them are from the same person. Something twitches inside Regina, and she rolls her eyes. “Well,” she huffs, taking a step back, “someone is a bit needy, is he not?”
She is rewarded with a grumpy look. Regina doesn’t even feel remotely sorry. The pirate is a joke, she scoffs. Emma is way too good for him and she doesn’t even notice. Suddenly feeling cranky and vulnerable, she steps out of the alley. “You should take care of… well, that,” she says while waving impatiently at Emma’s phone. “I’ll go to the library, and I’ll see you there when you’ve… eased his mind.”
“Regina-”
Before Emma can continue, Regina flicks her hand and vanishes in a purple cloud.
~*~
Regina reappears in the library, but is too restless, too caught up in her own mind to start searching for whatever they need to find. She bristles upon the thought of Emma and the pirate, and there is a gnawing feeling in her stomach, but she doesn’t understand why the one-handed wonder makes her so agitated. Maybe it’s still the fallout from that time during which he helped Greg and Tamara and was so easily forgiven. Maybe it’s how he’s latched onto Emma since the day they crossed paths. Or the way Emma’s accepted his continuous advances - hell, she should know better. And at the same time, she doesn’t understand why she cares about it at all. Or maybe she has a general idea but isn’t ready to acknowledge exactly what it is, because she’s just had an emotional meltdown and is probably still a little sensitive because of it.
She doesn’t have much time to pick her thoughts and feelings apart about it because moments later, Emma enters the library.
“Now that was a little overly dramatic, even for you,” she tells Regina with a frown. The brunette snorts in reply.
“Is your pet’s mind at ease?” she challenges instead, unable to contain herself and regretting it the moment the words leave her mouth. She sees how Emma’s face changes from disbelief to anger before she puts on a mask of indifference. Guilt washes over Regina - an emotion she barely ever feels. But Emma has been there for her just moments before, and this is how she thanks her? Frankly, she is surprised that the blonde is still here. “I’m sorry,” Regina sighs, “You did not deserve that.”
“You’ve got that right, ” Emma scoffs.
Regina is not used to apologizing. Emma is the second person today that received her apologies, and it feels surreal. Vulnerable, again. She hates it. So she does what she naturally does: she straightens her back, regains her regal posture by raising her chin and narrowing her eyes.
Emma sees it and sighs. “Regina, you’re picking fights with everyone. You can’t fucking go around and throw insults as you see fit,” she says, exasperated. “Especially not at the ones that actually are on your side. You’re not in the Enchanted forest anymore.”
“In my defense,” Regina snorts, placing her hands firmly on her own hips, looking dignified, “I’m only looking out for you. You are way above his level and you will always be. You know that, I hope?” She sees how Emma’s eyes darken and how she, too, straightens her back before she answers.
“I am capable of making my own choices and I don’t need your opinion,” she snaps at the brunette. “Killian and I are fine.”
Regina only raises an eyebrow in reply and is unable to stop herself. The mental image of Emma and the pirate makes bile rise to her throat. “ Fine ? Then tell me, Savior , how many times have you thought about the handless wonder since you woke up this morning?”
Even before she’s finished speaking, Regina remembers that she was apologizing. It wasn’t her intention to antagonize Emma even further, but it is too late. Emma clenches her jaw, tightens the grip around her phone as if she is ready to throw something at Regina, but then snaps her jaws shut, turns around and paces out of the library. “Emma, wai-” Regina tries halfheartedly, but the blonde disappears through the doors.
Regina breathes deeply and feels horrible. She meant what she said -- Emma is way too good for Hook - but lashing out the way she did, it wasn’t necessary. Great. Now she feels even worse. Even more guilty.
Because at the same time, something dawns at her - ever since her own highly embarrassing mental breakdown, she hasn’t really thought about Robin, either. And it unsettles her immensely. He is her soulmate and it is unnerving how soon he moves to the back of her mind. It is… almost unnatural.
She suppresses the uneasy feeling and will analyze it in detail later, because there are other pressing matters. For a moment, she is unsure of what to do - is she going after Emma, or starting looking in the library? She realizes she will have to do the apology thing again eventually, but then decides it will have to wait. Right now, there is too much going on: the author’s house, clues they have to find because of the lingering nuisance of them losing part of their memories. She should better get to work, she admits to herself with a deep sigh. She plants her hands on her hips and looks around her. Books, apart from those with spells, aren’t really her thing. She usually lets the research to the bookworm, but-
The door swings open, and Belle enters. She eyes Regina suspiciously. “I just saw Emma storming off. Did you insult her as well?”
Regina closes and opens her eyes, raising a hand to pinch her nose. She’s starting to develop a headache. She wants to sneer out of habit but stops herself just in time. “I- I did,” she answers with a sigh. “It’s like I can’t help myself. It just comes out. I’m usually quite able to contain myself.”
Belle observes the other brunette for a moment. “Maybe you said it all yesterday as well, and it is supposed to help you find out the path leading up to your memory loss. Or maybe it’s a side effect from the magic that erased your and Emma’s memories.”
“That might be so,” she replied, “but I am getting a little tired of the fact that apparently, I am the one picking every fight and having to apologize every single time. Emma does not seem to experience any of it. The universe, fate , is pulling a number on me - again, while I haven’t even recovered from the last time - and it is antagonizing at best.” She runs a helpless hand through her hair, which she instantly regrets, and her hand falls down alongside her body. “I would appreciate it if it would choose another victim any time soon.” She leans against a bookcase with a sigh and folds her arms in front of her chest, while Belle’s mouth pulls into a half-smile.
“I might start another fight with you now, but what if you’re supposed to break one of those destined fights? You say you’re doing everything again like you did yesterday, but what if you’re not supposed to? Maybe you don’t want the same results, maybe you want different ones instead.”
Regina narrows her eyes. “So what you’re trying to say, is that I should try harder not to lose my temper.”
Belle shrugs in reply. “Worth a try, right?”
Regina purses her lips. “The only problem with this is that I don’t know where I went yesterday.”
“Well,” the woman opposite of her sighs, “you did get into a fight with Hook yesterday.” She smiles tentatively as Regina’s face drops. Another fight. “And I think it was about Emma.”