Chapter Text
Robbe was a troubled kid when Sander first met him.
Sander was sixteen when he started wandering the infamous streets of Antwerp with his spray cans and camera after school, in order to explore the side of the city that his family would never let him step into. He would take shots of the buildings and the streets. He would listen to his music while biking there, or hide and watch a group of boys skating. The contrast between these boys and the boys at his school was major. Even if they were younger than him, he couldn’t help but feel a bit jealous of the type of fun they were having. He’d give everything to feel as free as them, to live the life of a common teenager.
Day after day he gained the courage to approach them, he even changed clothing so that he wouldn’t get mocked for his white button up shirt and his private school’s uniform. The fancy clothes got replaced by an old pair of his father’s black jeans and leather jacket- a souvenir from his youth, as he used to say- a simple white shirt and finally, a pair of Doc Martens that punk singers from the 70’s used to wear and Sander always dreamed of owning. His parents were loaded, so spending some of his allowance for something he wanted, other than weed, wouldn't be a big deal. His new outfit boosted his confidence, he enjoyed his individuality for the first time in his life. As if it was then that he separated himself from his peers at school, who were all dressed the same, and found his true identity.
After skipping classes once again, he arrived at the skate park and got a better view of the skaters. A guy with cool afro hair was dancing to the beat of a rap song, while another tall guy with black hair was encouraging him by clapping his hands to the rhythm. Then, another boy sitting in the corner where their skateboards were placed. The sight made Sander smile.
Time to make your move. Introduce yourself Sander, the way you want to this time.
And so he did.
“Hi, nice moves.” he commented loud enough to make sure he could be heard as he walked closer.
“Hi dude, thanks” the guy said while forming a wide smile and turned his head to the taller one next to him. “Look Jens, someone finally appreciates my talent”
“My name is Moyo and this is Jens” he continued.
Jens greeted him with a smile as well, he seemed chill and friendly. Sander shook hands with both guys ready to introduce himself, when a sound from the back interrupted him.
“Heyy!” It was the curly haired boy who looked after the skateboards, he run over to handshake Sander as well. “cool jacket man!”
“And this is Aaron” Moyo added with a cackle.
Sander laughed at Aaron’s excitement and finally introduced himself.
“Sander, nice to meet you guys”
“So what brings you here? Are you new? I haven’t seen you around before” Moyo asked.
Sander didn’t know what to answer, was he new in town? No, but he was new to this area of the town. So maybe yes. “Ah… Kind of, I-”
Jens phone rung suddenly. “Shit, it’s Robbe guys”
“He should be here by now” Moyo added.
Jens took a couple steps away to answer the phone, he seemed concerned with whatever the boy in the other end of the line was telling him.
"Do what you do every time, ok? we're coming right now" that's the only thing Sander managed to hear from Jens.
After the phone call ended, the boys didn’t have time to explain what was going on to Sander. Apparently their friend was in real trouble and they had to rush, he stuck by the guys and they run to Robbe’s place, where some man’s screams came from.
“Shit his dad is still inside. Follow me guys.” Jens commanded.
The house looked old and neglected, quite dystopian. Hadn’t Sander heard the noise he wouldn’t even imagine that people lived in it. But he snapped out of his thoughts when suddenly, a small figure made its way jumping from the window of the first floor to the grass of the back yard.
The guys run to him as soon as they spotted Robbe. He was a 14-year-old skinny little boy with curly long hair that framed his innocent face, dressed in an orange worn-out jacket and pants that looked huge on him. When he lifted his face, Sander froze. He saw a pair of brown shiny eyes, stains of tears on his cheeks, a sad smile, thin pink lips, a fresh scar on his jaw and… Robbe Sander thought, trying to relate the name with this boy right in front of him.
Robbe looked fragile. Yet he was the most impressive person Sander had ever seen.
“Man you made it! You should’ve called sooner, we’d help” Moyo said and they made a group hug, but Robbe’s eyes were locked with Sanders who just stood there, then Aaron waved at him to join them. It felt great, like he belonged somewhere, even if he only knew those guys for 45 minutes.
“Are you ok Robbe?” Jens asked with a worried expression and Robbe nodded.
“Are you sure? Dude, what’s that?” Jens insisted, trying to hold Robbe’s jaw unsuccessfully as the latter stepped back instinctively, frowning.
“This is Sander by the way” Moyo quickly stated to clear the tension a bit.
Their eyes met again and there was nothing Sander wanted more than to know what secrets were hidden behind them.
He wanted to know what his voice sounded like.
He wanted to know what happened inside this house and why Robbe was in this state.
He wanted to know what his hands feel like when they touch and what is going through his mind right now as he looks at him.
He wanted to know what Robbe thinks of him and what the first impression he had of him was.
He wanted to find out everything about him.
And he did.
***
Years passed and the scar that marked his jaw is barely noticeable now.
Maybe not noticeable at all.
Maybe it is just impossible for Sander to view Robbe as anything but the sweet little boy he was when they first met instead of the attractive teenager that he has become.
Or maybe it’s just easier.
Well yes, it is definitely easier for Sander to overprotect Robbe, who he loves with his whole being, instead of sharing him or even worse, losing him.
He is unable of dealing with the fact that they’ve both grown, that it's time to admit his feelings for him, that Robbe can handle it, that Robbe should know and might even reciprocate the feelings before he finds someone else.
It's easier to not admit to him that to this day, he remains the most beautiful thing Sander has ever laid his eyes on. So beautiful that it hurts.
'Fucking handsome' as people actually whisper at parties that Sander hosts. And that hurts a bit more.
It hurts when girls and boys stare at him when he skates and or when he enters the Academy to find Sander. Even more so when he poses for them, because he used to pose for Sander and only.
He knows though, that Robbe is still the shy boy who blushes when he is asked by someone to have a picture taken of him. But on the other hand, he misses the times when the brunet would pose solely for his pictures, before he introduced him to his classmates who shortly after discovered how photogenic his angelic face is.
It hurts that everyone stares at Robbe always, no matter what he does, yet Sander is the only one who can see through him. He knows who Robbe is and what he's been through and so he knows, better than anyone else, that inside this body that many desire hides an even more precious and sensitive heart that he can't trust anyone else with. Even if now everybody wants a piece of Robbe and Sander struggles to acknowledge that he is one of them too, he knows that he is the only one who already owns one but will always keep fighting to get more.