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He’d woken to the sound of birds chirping outside his window as the sunlight shone onto his face. The feel of the warmth on his face made a soft breath leave his lips as he squinted and pulled himself up and hunched forward as he welcomed the morning, much like every other morning, with hands rubbing at his eyes and his mind needing a few minutes to come back to the present.
Pulling the warm covers from his body he shuffled to the bathroom. Today was finally the Saturday and a day he’d been looking forward too for what felt like an eternity, maybe since the dawn of time if he’d allow himself to exaggerate to such an extent.
Slipping into the shower with anxious feet, hands opening and closing at the emotions rushing through him, this could be the start of something beautiful, his mind repeated on a loop. His Indigo hair dripping down his back and his muscles tensing at possibilities. The things that lay ahead of him seemed scary, unknown, out of his depth but oh so wonderful and beautiful. Something of fairy-tale and fantasy.
With nervous heart but a lot of determination, he’d dressed and headed towards the train station to meet up with the girl he was madly and deeply in love with. He’d asked her on a date finally and she’d said yes. Well technically he’d stuttered and blushed and tried desperately not to self-combust, but she’d waited patiently as he stumbled out the question in front of their friends, she’d smiled at him and accepted his offer with a brightness that left him breathless.
And it was like he’d seen a deity descend when he saw her standing there, her flowing hair lifting in the breezy, her face turned up to the sunlight like she was trying to devour every bit of it like she was trying to store it. She was movement, she was the flowing of light beams between forest canopy, the way that music could make even the loneliest of soul smile. She was sunlight and she was radiant. His breath leaving his lungs like he’s been punched in the gut, his lungs empty and screaming at him to breathe through the emotions flooding his chest. Then she turned and smiled at him like he was worth, and all the air slammed back into his body and he was on fire. Every part of his face feeling hotter and brighter than the heat of a thousand bonfires. She was the fear of playing with fire, but the warmth of sitting in front of a fireplace on a chilly evening. She extended a hand out to him and with his own shaking hand he took hers in his own.
And this was it, this was what bliss was like. He smiled back at her, braver than he’d ever felt n his life as he pulled her closer to his side before they boarded the train towards their intended destination together.
The river was quiet, the rosemary fields at their back, as he watched her as he braided together a crown of rosemary and daisies, her fingers nimble and her laughter light and bright and the butterflies were all back as he stared at her, lost in the moment of pure bliss. The scent surrounding them fresh and crisp, the warmth just enough to be pleasant, and her presence a never-ending wonder by his side. Their hands almost brushing as they sat side by side, the water silent and comforting. This must be the closest he’d ever get to heaven because she was radiant in the soft sunbeams. Her skin glowing, her eyes bright and sparkling like a never-ending fire was burning behind them. She was always so strong, so confident and so sure and he admired her for it. For her courage and her unflinching resolve. And suddenly he was glad that he’d found the courage to be brave enough, he was glad that he could be witness to something so magical.
His hands had reached for her, like she was glass he was afraid to shatter, like his hands would dirty the pure white incandesces of the moment. Yet, as he brushed the hair off her face, her eyes lit up and she leaned forward to softly put her mouth on him, her lips warmer and softer than anything he’d felt before and suddenly every heart palpitation and every rise of anxiety and panic was worth it. He’d gladly be burned by her fire because this was absolution. This was salvation and he’d be her sacrifice if need be. The way she melted into his kiss, how she deepened it as her hands curled into his shirt, benediction! And he truly couldn’t resist pulling her towards him then, the growing need to have her closer, his own mind filled with nothing but the desperate need to have her closer, to have more of her at this moment, at all moments from here onwards.
It could have been seconds, hours, days, years even and he would be none the wiser as they pulled away finally with mirrored smiles and shaky breaths. And he blinked up at the image of her bathed in a backlight of gold, her smile radiant and blinding, and ah, this must be how prophets felt when they found their gods. She was angelic, from her head to toe. She was the definition of love in his eyes. With soft fingers and gentle touches, she placed the crown upon his head and kissed him again and it was perfect. Everything was perfect.
And in this moment of perfect bliss, the two of them so close and not another soul in the world near them, he really could say that he was completely in love with her.
The sound of alarms going off startled them both into reaching for their phones, the jarring sound of it was harsh and cruel as it shattered the softest moment they’d ever had. His eyes drifted down to the illuminated screen and he felt her stiffen next to him also. Message flashing like a red alert and he could feel the confusion and fear crawling into his chest.
And then it started, swiftly and without any prior warning.
The stars had started to fall from the sky.
One by one, the streaks of light danced across the sky, seeming like fireworks being shot down from the sky, and still in the moment of complete and utter shock at what he was seeing, he felt her hand grab onto his tightly as the brightness of the sun started to dim, the stars started falling faster now as they sat in silent shock watching the sky fall around them. The sky shimmering like the water ripples of the river in front of them.
“I thought it would be louder, like trumpets and horns. Some rising demons, growling and shrieking,” she whispered as the messages flashed on the screen. And Tamaki really had to agree. He never thought that watching the end of the world would so silent. So… soft.
The birds were still chirping in the trees, the wind blowing the soft scent of rosemary from the fields, no screams, no angels descending and monsters crawling around. Just the softness of her hand holding his own shaking one tightly, and their eyes on the falling lights.
And in this, he admired her even, loved her. She was unbreaking, the chaos that gripped the back of his mind, the tendrils of fear and panic that had haunted him all his life, the rightful terror that wanted to crawl up his body at the thought that he was truly witness to the end of the world, even that seemed to bow down to her steady and firm grip on his hand. She was unshaking and he watched as she fluttered her eyes closed and her lips turned up into a soft smile. Her hair lifting in the breeze as she turned her head to him and looked at him with the same sparkling eyes. Determined. Sure. Indelible.
“Do think we’ll get to see an angel at least before it all ends?”
“I already have”.
She smiled then, bright, blinding and unashamed. And Tamaki didn’t care if he ever got to see heaven at all, because in that moment he’d seen a glimpse of heavens light, and that was enough, it was truly enough. Braver than he’d even been in his life he pulled her to him, her legs straddling his as he wrapped an arm around her waist. The other cupping her face gently and staring at her.
The stars falling harder now behind her head and even now, with the world ending around them, the sky emptying and the lights he’d spent all of his nights gazing at all his life busy dying, he still couldn’t look away form her. Caught up in her being, her glory, and the damned religious experience of seeing her like this. Flushed and quaking in his hold, her shoulders were shaking. He wasn’t sure if it was from his proximity or from the realization that nothing would ever be the same now, but her smile was unwavering, her eyes glossy but strong and true. And he knew he had to tell her before the stars would stop their shining forever.
“I’m in love with you”
The words were soft, just like a silent prayer, a confession whispered at the end of the world. And when he leaned forward to kiss her, nothing else mattered but the moment of silence. His hand around her pulling her tighter as her hands curled into his indigo hair, her fingers pulling first softly, then desperately. And then he spent the end of the world lost in her lips and her touch and scent. In her being and her steady and sure heartbeat against his chest.
That day they’d watched the death of the sun, fingers, and bodies intertwined. Her head resting on his chest as she breathed out in soft shuddering gasps as more than a third of the sky had turned dark, the cold and the dark creeping closer as the end came to be. In that moment he saw her vulnerable and unsure, even if it was just for a moment. A single teardrop dancing on her lashes, a split second of her fears rushing to the surface as his grip on her tightened and the darkness set in.
In the days to come, he’d remember this moment, the second of pure beauty and weakness and sheer humanity. He’d remind himself that she too was human as he’d watch her, with her gaze unafraid and unchanging as the sobs raised from the cities. He’d remember her breaking as she put her mouth on his, remember her softness as she was unflinching in the fight and furry of the end of days. How she kept his hand in hers thought it all, his anchor and his salvation when the cities went up in smoke, and humanity crumbled beneath the weight of the world. As she stood upon ashes with fire in her eyes. On those days he would be thinking back to this moment, knowing that the best of her, the softest of her moments belonged to him.
In the distance, as they lay together, he could almost have heard the cries from the city. If he strained hard enough, he could make out the chaos and insanity seeping in as panic swept over the world. The fear and horror that only the end could bring. But at this moment in time, it was so faint and so far away that it easily could have just been the shifting of trees in the breeze and water shifting in front of them. Nothing louder than the heartbeat in his ears and the warmth in his chest as he stared down at her.
He looked to the sky as the last of the stars shuddered and fell away, “Do you think it will hurt? “ he asked softly, afraid of breaking the silence but not wanting to keep the thought to himself anymore as the fire rose up in the distance, as the sun disappeared from view for the last time.
Her eyes met is again then, the steadfast look and determination back in them, but the sparkle was gone now, not just dimmed, it had died just like the stars. Her hand gripped his tightly, almost bruisingly, as if in a silent promise that she’d never let go.
“I hope not. “