Chapter Text
Catra knows she doesn’t fit in with the Princesses. They’re nice people, sure, and she is getting to know them gradually, but they’re just… different. As much as they’ve tried to be welcoming— albeit with significant variance in just how welcoming— Catra feels that she has little to offer. She doesn’t have any magical elemental powers, and as the ex-leader of the Horde, she knows she wouldn’t exactly be the first pick as the face of any rebuilding projects.
She sits through the meetings to humor Adora and Glimmer and Bow, because she knows they want her to be present and contribute and get to know the other Princesses and blah, blah, blah, but as soon as today’s is over she excuses herself and dashes outside the castle for a walk.
Bright Moon is… overwhelming, sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time. It’s all pastel colors and soft pillows and nice people smiling and talking about nice things and Catra is, well, none of that, even if she’s working on being nice… nicer. Sometimes, though she won’t admit it, she misses the familiarity of the Fright Zone: the metallic greys and greens, the constant whirring of machines, the routine. She misses knowing what to do and being able to do it.
She finds herself walking toward the Whispering Woods, Melog close behind. Catra vaguely wonders what the Fright Zone is like now. If there’s anyone left. Where did all the soldiers go? Where the fuck are the other Force Captains? And Lonnie? Kyle? Rogelio?
“Force Captain Catra?” says a timid voice, and Catra whips around. She hasn’t been called that in— months? Years? How long has it even been? Everything before Horde Prime seems like it happened a lifetime ago.
“Who are you?” Catra demands. Her eyes narrow, and she realizes the girl is wearing a Horde cadet uniform. Melog, who had jumped up at the new presence, relaxes.
The cadet awkwardly salutes, an almost comical mix of fear and excitement on her face. She seems young, too young. But aren’t they all? “My name is Jackie, sir— ma’am,” she says. “I, um, I need your help. Force Captain. Commander. Please.”
Catra blinks. Jackie? What a weird name. “Okay, don’t call me that,” she says immediately. “The Horde’s gone, kid. I’m just a regular person now, and so are you. My name is just Catra.”
The cadet— Jackie— seems to be trying to smile, but it honestly looks more like a pained grimace. “Commander— sorry, um, Catra, sir. I’m so sorry. I… we… my squad mates and I are out of supplies.”
“What supplies do you need?” Catra asks. “The war’s over.”
“Rations, ma’am,” says Jackie, eyebrows furrowed, still sporting that strange grimace on her face. “Well, actually, we aren’t completely out yet, but I—”
“Stop smiling,” snaps Catra. The cadet blinks and apologizes again, and her face takes on a slightly more neutral expression. Finally. Now Catra can talk to her without feeling nauseous. “Listen, Jackie,” she starts again, trying to mimic Perfuma’s calming tone of voice, “how old are you?”
“Fifteen, ma’am.”
Shit. She really is a child. Probably never even saw active duty. “What have you been doing since…” Catra tries to remember the last time the Horde had any semblance of leadership.
Everything fell apart when Horde Prime came and she and Hordak were beamed up to his weird-ass spaceship. Well. Things had already been in the process of falling apart when she attacked Hordak, too, she supposed. “Where is the rest of the Horde? What did you do when Prime came?”
“We hid,” says Jackie. “There were… I don’t know, explosions—” Catra looks away sheepishly — “and when they stopped you were gone, Hordak was gone, and none of the other Force Captains knew what to do either. Some people left with their squadrons. Mine stayed in the Fright Zone with some others. We’ve just been going through the stored rations, but we’re gonna run out tomorrow, so I came out here to look for food.” She pauses. “But I’ve never been to the Whispering Woods before, and I don’t know where to go or what we can eat or where I am and—”
“Okay, relax,” Catra interrupts, bewildered at the girl’s desperate chatter. She puts her hands on Jackie’s shoulders in what she hopes is a comforting gesture. Jackie bursts into tears. Shit. “Where are your squadmates?” Catra asks, cautiously patting the girl’s shoulders.
“We drew straws,” Jackie sniffles. “No one wanted to go, but I got the short straw, so I had to.”
Ah. So she’s the Kyle of the group. Every squad has to have one. “Isn’t there anyone else in the Fright Zone who maybe, I don’t know, has already seen outside the Fright Zone before?” Catra suggests.
Jackie shakes her head. She wipes away her tears, stares at the ground. “They all left,” she explains. “Most of the more experienced soldiers left to find somewhere better to live, but my squad’s never been outside the Fright Zone before, so we didn’t know where to go. None of the squads left have ever been outside the Fright Zone.”
Of course they haven’t. What sane soldier would stay in an abandoned military base when there was no war left to fight unless they didn’t know anything else? Catra has half a mind to say so long, loser and leave the girl to fend for herself. But that’s what old Catra would have done. New Catra— better Catra— says, albeit with a sigh, “Okay, kid. I can get you some food and supplies. Come with me.”
“Really?!” the girl cries, her eyes lighting up. Catra almost snaps back a sarcastic comment, but pushes the urge down.
“Yes,” she all but groans. “Just… stop crying, okay?”
The cadet’s eyes are still watery. “Thank you so much, Force Captain!” she exclaims, and before Catra has time to react, Jackie’s pulled her into a tight hug.
Catra recoils. She still hates being touched unexpectedly, and Jackie seems to sense that and quickly pulls away. “Ohmygod, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I just am so, so, relieved,” Jackie babbles. “I didn’t mean to touch you — please don’t hurt me—”
“No, it’s fine, you’re fine,” Catra interrupts, wrapping her arms around herself instinctively. “It’s not your fault.” Seeing how scared the poor kid still looks, she reaches out and pats her arm gently. “Come on. I’m gonna show you something I think you’ll like.”
———
“You brought a what to Bright Moon?!” demands Glimmer.
“Listen, me and Adora are ex-Horde soldiers, too!” Catra points out.
The queen sighs and puts a hand to her forehead. “How many of them are there?”
“Just this one. Jackie. She’s never even been outside the Fright Zone before today.”
“Jackie?” repeats Glimmer. “That’s a weird name.”
Catra snorts in agreement. She continues, “She’s a kid, Glimmer. She doesn’t even have to go into the castle, I can just give her enough food for her and her buddies to last awhile and then take her back.”
Glimmer pauses to stare at Catra. Carefully, she says, “So you’re telling me you found a lost Horde soldier in the woods and brought her all the way back to Bright Moon just to feed her real food because she needed it? And then you’re going to walk her all the way back to the Fright Zone so she doesn’t get lost again?”
Catra shoots her an incredulous look. “Um, yeah. Duh?”
Glimmer seems to be trying and utterly failing to conceal a smile. She ruffles Catra’s hair affectionately and smooches her cheek. “Tell the kitchen staff I said you can take as much as you want.”
———
After a successful kitchen raid, Catra loads up the goods into a cart and pushes it outside the castle. She finds Jackie wandering down the bridge, gazing over the vast shimmering lake below.
“Weird, huh?” says Catra.
Jackie keeps staring at the lake, the castle, and the gardens behind. “Yeah,” she finally replies. “Just to make sure— this is Bright Moon, right? The same Bright Moon you attacked and tried to conquer, like, five times?”
Catra tries not to wince. Melog shrinks behind her. “Yup, this is it.”
The cadet slowly turns and eyes her, a pensive look on her face, as if she’s putting together a puzzle in her head. “And you… know the people here?”
Catra thinks of Adora, the impossibly big smile on her face as she said, “Welcome to Bright Moon!” and pushed the castle doors open and showed Catra the spare room that they’d set aside for her, only for the two of them to end up in Adora’s bed that first night, and every night after. She thinks of Bow and Glimmer teleporting into their room with pillows and cake and screaming, “Catra’s first sleepover!” She thinks of waking up to Adora’s lips on her neck, of the easy way Glimmer pecks her on the cheek, of Bow’s ridiculously comforting arms around her.
“Yeah,” she says, unsure how much the girl expects her to elaborate.
Jackie is frowning at her, still suspicious. “And they let you take all this—” she motions to the frankly enormous cart of breads, cakes, fruits, vegetables, and meats— “to give to the Horde?” She narrows her eyes. “You’re lying. How’d you sneak out with all this?”
“I didn’t sneak out ,” Catra immediately says, on the defensive for no real good reason, and, well, the cat’s out of the bag now. “Glimmer said I could take as much for you as I wanted.”
“Glimmer, like, the queen of Bright Moon?” Jackie seems equal parts shocked, horrified, and impressed. “And you’re on a first-name basis with her? With all due respect, Force Captain, didn’t you kidnap her once?”
“Listen, kid, do you want the food or not?” Catra snaps. It’s kind of ironic, the way the girl still addresses her by titles like Force Captain or Commander and says things like with all due respect while showing absolutely none of the respect due to a commander. And by ironic, Catra means annoying. Very annoying. Not that Catra was ever respectful either, but like, she’s doing her a favor, and this kid keeps pressing her buttons.
But then she remembers promising Adora she’d work on her anger issues, and practicing breathing exercises with Perfuma for hours. Catra sighs. Ugh. Being a good person is so much fucking effort , but she takes a deep breath and tries anyway. “Sorry I snapped at you. I… it’s complicated, okay? I’m not sure how to explain it either, but yes, we are on good terms now. I guess getting kidnapped by an intergalactic dictator and working together to defeat him might’ve helped.” She frowns, realizing that Jackie is staring at her, wide-eyed.
“Do you… live here?” she exclaims, and Catra tries not to be irritated that the kid is more focused on wherever the fuck Catra happens to be residing right now than the fact that that Catra mentioned she got kidnapped by and helped win the war against Horde Prime.
“Yes,” Catra huffs, “and anyways, that’s not the point. Let’s head back to the Fright Zone so you and your friends don’t starve. Have you ever tried non-ration bar food before?”
Jackie squints and points behind Catra to where Melog is back to their normal size and quietly growling. “One more thing,” she says. “What’s that?”
Catra groans.
———
It’s nearly dark by the time Catra gets back to Bright Moon. She grabs a hunk of bread and leftover meat from the kitchen for dinner and slips into the room she shares with Adora, who’s lying on her stomach in bed, poring over several papers.
“Hey, nerd,” Catra says as she flops onto the bed beside her. “Whatcha looking at?”
Adora smiles and kisses her forehead. “How was your little adventure?” she asks instead, and then she notices the bread Catra’s gnawing at like a savage. “Catra, you’re gonna leave crumbs in the bed, we’ve talked about this!” she moans.
Catra rolls her eyes but moves to a table nearby to eat her dinner. “It was fine,” she replies, nonchalant. “Sorry I didn’t see you when I stopped by to grab the food for the girl. I didn’t wanna leave her outside for too long and figured Sparkles would tell you anyways.”
“She did tell me,” Adora says. She’s grinning in that stupid unabashed Adora way that makes Catra’s knees weak. “Bringing a Horde soldier to Bright Moon so you can give her real food and be nice to her? That’s a very Glimmer and Bow thing to do.”
“Shut up,” Catra mutters. “It seems like a very Adora thing to do, too.” She pauses and takes another large bite out of her attempt at a sandwich. “Anyways, she’s back in the Fright Zone now, so it’s not like she’s gonna stay here or anything.”
“What do you think they’re all up to now?” Adora asks after a moment. “The other Horde soldiers, I mean.”
Catra shrugs. “Beats me,” she says. She considers what she would be doing now if she hadn’t been beamed up to Horde Prime’s ship with Sparkles that fateful day. If she hadn’t chosen to save Glimmer, to save Adora. If Adora hadn’t chosen to save her. If they hadn’t chosen to save each other, and the world. Adora probably - definitely - would have still protected Etheria from Horde Prime. But would Catra have chosen to protect Adora? Would they have found their way back to each other?
She wants to believe that of course they would have. That Catra would have realized in the end that she needed to choose to do the right thing on her own. That she would have apologized to Adora and made it right. But she isn’t sure.
Adora’s voice breaks her out of her thoughts. “Are you okay?” she asks. She looks at Catra, brow creased with gentle concern. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
Catra walks across the room to curl up on the bed beside her, staring into Adora’s blue-grey eyes. Adora stares back. “Why am I here?” Catra asks finally, and immediately wants to smack herself.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean—” Catra fumbles for the right words. “How… are you okay with this? With me being at Bright Moon? I led a war against you all for, what, two years? And now I just… live here? With you? And we share a room, and sleep together, and…”
“Things are different now,” says Adora, hesitantly. “I mean, yeah, that happened, but you’re not the same person you were then. You chose to be different and do the right thing, and you keep doing that. You saved Glimmer, and you saved me, and I want you here. We want you here. If you want to be here.” She pauses and bites her lip. “Do you want to be here?”
“Yes!” Catra exclaims, too quickly. One of her hands scratches at the back of her neck instinctively. “I just…” In her head, she hears Perfuma reminding her to be honest about her feelings, to acknowledge them and talk about them instead of burying them. So she tries. “It’s just that when I brought the food back for that girl, she was really surprised that I live here, and I guess…”
“You think she’s right,” Adora offers. Catra nods. “Well, she’s not. She doesn’t know the whole story, and it’s none of her business anyways.” Adora pauses, brushes a stray hair away from Catra’s face. “But I know what you mean. I felt out of place when I got here, too.” She looks down, laces her fingers between Catra’s. “I know we aren’t good at letting other people love us, or being loved. It’s something I’m working on. But... I’d really like it if you tried, too, I guess. If you could trust me and Glimmer and Bow enough to let us love you, because I think it’s worth it.”
Catra considers. It’s true that the three of them have only ever shown her love and kindness since she, well, joined their squad, or whatever stupid name they have for their group. They tell her when she messes up and hold her responsible, but they never shame her and always see the best in her. Maybe Adora is right.
Not long ago that thought— in conjunction with a lifetime of trauma, she supposes— was enough to drive Catra to pull a switch that destroyed the fabric of time and space, in the hopes that it would destroy her too. But now she only feels relief. Because Adora was right to not give up on her, to believe in her, and Catra was right to let her back in.
“Okay,” she says finally. “I’ll try.”
Adora smiles at Catra like she hung the sun and moon and stars. “I love you,” she whispers, as if it could be that simple.
“Aww, that is so embarrassing for you,” Catra says, but there’s no bite behind her words.
“Maybe,” replies Adora. “But I don’t care.”
Catra feels her cheeks heat up despite herself. Stars, Adora is so fucking corny, and Catra hates how much she loves it sometimes.
“I love you, too,” she whispers back.
“I know,” says Adora, and kisses her.