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Andrés and Martín were sitting on the sofa in the study; their tired bodies leaned against each other and an empty wine bottle stood on the table in front of them. They had worked on their plan all night and didn’t take a break until the early morning. The study was surrounded by darkness as the sun hadn’t risen yet and only a few candles spread a warm, diffuse light that gave the room a very romantic atmosphere; an unresolved sexual tension laid in the air.
In the past few weeks, the tender touches and loving glances they gave each other had become more frequent and more intimate. But neither of them dared to take it a step further; afraid of destroying their wonderful friendship.
A lot of time had passed before Andrés recognized his true feelings for Martín, and it took him even some more time until he admitted those feelings to himself and no longer denied them. First, he had put some more distance between them; he even thought about leaving, but every time he tried, he couldn’t do it. He only left when he got married again, (a final attempt of denying his true feelings), but surely came right back to Martín after the marriage had failed.
He was madly in love and longed for Martín to be more than just a friend, but because those feelings were very new to him, he didn’t know how to behave. He didn't know how to tell Martín that he was the love of his life. Andrés was very insecure; his past behavior had really hurt Martín and Andrés was unsure if Martín still wanted him. He knew that Martín sometimes met other men and he was afraid that Martín was no longer interested in him, because he didn’t reciprocate Martín’s feelings for over 10 years.
On the other hand, Martin who had fallen in love 10 years ago and was still madly in love, didn’t know whether Andrés would return his feelings. He knew, that in the last few months something had changed, but he wasn’t sure whether he interpreted Andrés strange behavior correctly. Sometimes, he tried to come closer to Andrés than usual, but every time he did that, Andrés seemed to panic. But he didn’t want to ask uncomfortable questions; afraid of destroying everything, because obviously, the five-time married guy loved women and it was very unlikely that he suddenly changed his mind.
But in reality, they actually wanted the same, they just didn’t know that yet; they both longed for more, but were too afraid to make a move.
However, in that particular moment was something special in the air and they could both feel it; they knew that something extraordinary was about to happen.
It was as if the romantic atmosphere gave Martín the courage he needed. When they stared into their tired but fiery eyes, Martín leaned forward slightly, hoping that Andrés would close the remaining distance. But Andrés panicked; he leaned back and got up hastily.
"I'll get another bottle of wine," he said quickly and disappeared to the wine cabinet.
Martín was hurt; getting rejected was incredibly painful.
But nevertheless, he had seen a sparkle in Andrés eyes that gave him hope that Andrés felt the same things for him and that he just didn't have the courage to reveal his feelings yet.
Andrés got a new bottle of wine and stared at Martín from the distance. He wasn't sure if Martín was about to kiss him, or if he was just imagining it. He was ashamed of panicking so quickly, but he just couldn't control his fear. He wanted to tell Martín about all the thoughts that were floating through his head. He opened his mouth but no words came out:
“Lately, I feel like I'm pushing you away, but actually I’m just really scared of doing something wrong. I’m really confused and I’m acting moody for no reason. And even though you know I'm always gonna stay because I could never leave your side; I've been talking like I'm leaving. I’m really sorry for all the pain I inflicted on you. I hope that you can forgive me and that you still want me.
To be honest, I don't know why I keep playing these dumb games; getting married, getting divorced, just pretending to be someone I’m actually not.
But now I realized that love is not a competition and no one's winning when I'm pushing you away. I love you but I’m lost. Unfortunately, I’m trapped in this endless obscurity; sometimes darkness is a prison.
Please Martín; turn the lights on, honey, I don't wanna hide. Be my light and lead me out of the darkness. Turn the lights on, honey, I'm surrendering tonight, because I can’t life a second longer without you by my side. Although I'm not perfect, I feel perfect in your eyes; your loving look makes me feel like I’m the most beautiful piece of art, you’ve ever seen.
Turn the lights on, honey, I don't really wanna hide, not tonight…
Come and crash into me 'cause I want us to collide
//////////
Martín felt Andrés tender look resting on him. It was, as if he could hear Andrés thoughts through the air. He wanted to remove Andrés insecurity but he lacked the necessary courage to say the words out loud:
“Andrés you don’t have to be afraid, I didn’t mean to scare you. I don’t want to rush anything if it makes you feel uncomfortable. So please look into my eyes and tell me we're okay, and we both can be forgiven. But don’t worry, I still love you. When you’re ready, you can kiss me gently; I want it too. Say the things you wanna say because you don't need to ask permission. I will be there for you, no matter what.
I know that I’m not an easy person; I'm a stormy ocean, but you're steady and I'm a commotion, but you get me. You’re the only one who can calm me down, you’re the constant in my life. Sometimes I have too many emotions and I see everything black, but you let me blossom in the dark.
Please Andrés, turn the lights on, honey, I don't wanna hide anymore, because I’ve already been hiding for 10 years. Turn the lights on, honey, I'm surrendering tonight, because I can’t life a second longer without you by my side. Although I'm not perfect, I feel perfect in your eyes; you’re the only person who ever gave me such a beautiful smile and saw something good in me.
Turn the lights on, honey, I don't really wanna hide, not tonight…
Come and crash into me 'cause I want us to collide
//////////
Andrés slowly returned to the sofa with the open bottle of wine; he filled both glasses and sat down next to Martín, a little further away than before. They could feel the electrical tension between them even more intensely than a few minutes ago. They took a quick sip of wine to break the unbearable silence. Martín slowly ran his tongue over his reddish lips and Andrés couldn't help but stare at his soft lips. They looked deeply into each other's eyes and it was as if they could see into their souls; it seemed as if their minds were connected and they could hear the same thought:
“Come and crash into me 'cause I want us to collide.”
The first rays of sunlight fell into the study and broke the oppressive darkness. Suddenly, they could clearly see their endless love in each other’s eyes. In that moment, all their fears were gone; they both knew that they didn’t have to hide anymore. They came closer at the same time, closing the remaining distance until their lips finally did collide.
At first, it was just a soft brush of their lips. As they stared at each other with fiery eyes, full of desire and love, the kiss became more and more passionate. Their grip tightened as they sucked eagerly on each other’s lips. They pushed their bodies as close together as possible, moaning loudly every time their tongues collided. Their hands run wildly through their hair and were exploring each other’s bodies. Both struggled for air and their lips were already slightly swollen, but neither wanted to separate because at the moment it seemed easier to live without air than without feeling the other's lips. As their moans grew louder and they were kissing even more intimate, they could feel true love in its purest form.
Collide, collide, collide, collide…
Again and again, until the end of their time.
//////////