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Summary
Looking at John, watching his hands, seeing the slope of his nose, Paul realizes he wants to kiss him, always has. He wants to tell him, but he’s too afraid. He wonders if it was the other way around between them, would John tell him? Or would this be a change that neither of them could come back from.
“I think we’re all changing all the time," John's telling him. "I think we learn things about ourselves every day. And if there are people who don’t like us for trying something new or being someone new, then they can fuck right off, aye?” His smile brightens up a few notches, so Paul feels his own doing the same.
“They can fuck right off,” Paul agrees, and where he’d thought he might feel alone, he feels protected and loved, and it fills him up with something good and warm. It makes an ashram in Rishikesh, India feel like home.
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In 1968, Paul is publicly outed in a book called The Homosexual's Handbook, written by Angelo D'Arcangelo.