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sometimes, asahi thinks he could write a formula for how exactly his summers will unfold.
the constant variables would be freezer burned cherry popsicles, insistent summer heat, jaehyuk’s cut-off sleeves that asahi will gently tease him for, and asahi’s fight to refuse a haircut until it’s a nuisance. more unpredictable variables are jihoon being away during the summer at his father’s farm, mashiho working late shifts at the supermarket, or hyunsuk’s summer classes on his empty campus. everyone is usually far from home, but the calls are frequent and text alerts are regular.
he’s happy. his summer’s find a comfortable pattern, his routine is undisturbed, his life is predictable.
and it’s this predictability that asahi settled into years ago, so when this summer brings along an unexpected variable, he’s a little thrown.
asahi hates to admit that this variable is one without a clear placement in his equation.
it starts with a hobby that jaehyuk falls in love with.
it’s the first thing they don’t share. asahi doesn’t exactly know how he feels about this; he’s supportive of course--he loves nothing more than the glint in jaehyuk’s eyes as they shift through the film of jaehyuk’s new camera--but, asahi can’t help but wish he could fill in jaehyuk’s excited pauses with his own researched words on whatever golden hour or the camera’s aperture means.
the variable is that jaehyuk finds his talent for black and white photography. jaehyuk will insist that monochrome is the new trendy medium, and that shadows are his current form of storytelling. jaehyuk thinks it’s an expression of your truest form, but asahi thinks his friend is being a bit overdramatic. though, asahi can admit that monochrome makes for very aesthetic minimalism.
so jaehyuk spends his evenings in the old photography house that their professor recommended, developing photos with only the moonlight to decorate the studio. it’s on these nights that asahi waits a little longer before he falls asleep, phone in hand, checking for jaehyuk’s final don’t worry ♡, i got home safe.
but, asahi thinks that black and white don't quite do jaehyuk justice. jaehyuk looks best in purple. it’s the purple of asahi’s hoodie that jaehyuk bundles himself into during the warmer months of the year, insisting that the heat isn’t an excuse to not be comfortable. it’s the purple of jaehyuk’s coordinated sketchbooks, gently tucked away in the last pocket of his side bag, opened only for asahi’s curious eyes. it’s the gentle purple of the bracelet that jaehyuk spots in a corner store, a matching one featured on display. jaehyuk gently slips one onto asahi’s wrist that night, and the other around his own.
see, jaehyuk says, i knew it would fit you perfectly.
and this is when asahi realizes he might have miscalculated entirely.
it might just not be summer’s with jaehyuk that are starting to feel different, because winter’s with jaehyuk are just as revealing.
-- ☼ --
last winter was the first time in months that asahi’s friends all collect in his front lawn; gloves, scarves, and mittens are scattered across the yard, and asahi is not nearly prepared enough for hyunsuk’s elated “i've got a chunk of ice, you better fucking run!”
cue chaos.
an elated shout, a well directed iceball, and asahi’s right thigh stings with the cold of a poorly packed snowball as hyunsuk screams victory, giggles ringing sharp across the lawn. jihoon’s voice, distant but growing steadily louder, comes into the clearing as well, and asahi looks up to also see yoshi running full speed behind a snow mound, jaehyuk right behind him, skidding ungracefully across the ice to join in on yoshi’s hideout.
oh. asahi grins. game on.
as always, the game is a bit of a blur.
yoshi's aim isn't terrible, but he makes up for it in sheer determination. hyunsuk shows no mercy, not even when jihoon grasps the lapels of hyunsuk's coat and flashes his best puppy eyes in a hopeless attempt to avoid snow down his coat.
then there's jaehyuk.
jaehyuk is vibrant.
he's a little too kind to directly attack asahi with ice of his own, but jaehyuk instead works with yoshi behind the scenes to take down the others. on this particular day though, asahi had thought jaehyuk was instead inside the house. it's not until asahi almost loses his footing on the snow that jaehyuk makes an appearance. it's in the form of a surprised gasp.
jaehyuk grabs asahi's shoulder in an attempt to steady him as they topple hashly into the fresh snow, nothing to brace their fall but a few inches of cold seeping into asahi’s back and ice stinging the back of his head, but asahi can only focus on how warm jaehyuk is--god, how was jaehyuk always this warm--as they heave against each other, jaehyuk’s breath coming out in small puffs against the cold air, shivering in his thin coat against asahi, but grinning just as broadly as he had been before.
and all asahi knows is a warm jaehyuk, a bright jaehyuk, frozen fingers and red ears, harsh breath against the cold evening air, chest pressed against asahi’s own, his bright jaehyuk, his warm jae-
asahi allows his head to fall back against the snow, matches jaehyuk's sheepish smile with a grin of his own, and remains overwhelmed with affection for jaehyuk well into the night, when the other boys melt away to their rooms, leaving jaehyuk to hold asahi's hand under their blanket near a fireplace. the fire has long burned the wood and embers to a dusty black, but asahi takes comfort in the warmth of jaehyuk: his warm eyes as they crease to smile at asahi, the warmth that jaehyuk radiates in asahi's purple hoodie that jaehyuk refuses to part with.
asahi selfishly wants to trap this warmth and seal it away for only himself to know.
-- ☼ --
if last winter was a slow realization for asahi, this new summer is a catalyst.
a summer ago, asahi would have been content with simply standing by jaehyuk’s side. he’s starting to realize that only a summer ago, he would have matched jaehyuk’s wide smile with a gentle one of his own. he would have gladly held every memory of laughter close to him, filling the spaces between his chest with something warm and bordering on contentment.
but, if these small moments are the only ones asahi is given, he worries they might not be enough anymore.
now he fears he’s grown a bit selfish; is he allowed to be a little selfish?
this question follows him to the end of summer, when the heat of the afternoon dissipates into a gentle wind that drifts alongside asahi and jaehyuk, both settling on jaehyuk’s porch for the night. jaehyuk’s in his purple hoodie again--a mild observation from asahi, because jaehyuk is rarely not in asahi’s sweaters anymore--and asahi is curled up beside him. they’re quiet.
asahi's warm.
if asahi gently slips his fingers to intertwine with jaehyuk’s own, allowing the gentle breeze of evening to be his excuse for pressing his cheek closer against the rise of jaehyuk’s chest, the moonlight is his only witness.
it’s this summer's end that asahi first realizes he must be in love.