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If Akaashi was being honest, he'd been avoiding Bokuto for some time now. There wasn't any particularly deep reason for his sudden attempts to avoid his best friend at all costs. At least, that's what he told everyone. He told everyone that he just needed a break from Bokuto's constant ups and downs and overly-dramatic nature. He even told himself that. He enforced it. But that wasn't the real reason.
The real reason was far worse than any of Bokuto's dramatic mood-swings or inflated ego or over-the-top personality. The problem was the Akaashi's stomach dropped when Bokuto hugged him after winning matches. That he felt his face catch on fire when his best friend lifted up his shirt to wipe his forehead during a game. That sometimes when they walked too close together through the halls, he noticed that Koutarou Bokuto smelled like chocolate chip cookies. All the damn time.
And that was a really, really big problem. Because Akaashi couldn't feel this way in high school. Akaashi couldn't fall in love in high school, especially when he and Bokuto were a year apart and he would have to leave for college soon. This was a problem because Akaashi wasn't the kind to even really express emotion, much less experience so deeply. And he didn't know how he would be able to handle getting his heart ripped out of his chest.
So, he remedied this by avoiding the root cause of his problems: Emotions and Bokuto in general. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Plus, if Akaashi didn't talk or speak or hang out with him, Bokuto would take the hint and realize that he was only making things worse. Then he would get mad and they'd stop being friends and, eventually, Akaashi would stop feeling like his world revolved around a boy with a stupid haircut and bright yellow eyes. Problem solved.
But it wasn't solved and that was the worst part. And when all the problems he'd been ignoring finally came crashing down on him, he would have no one to blame for the absolute fuckery that would become his life except himself. And unfortunately for Akaashi, that time was now. That time came as he walked through the darkened halls of Fukurodani after school.
"Akaashi! Hey! Why are you ignoring me?! What did I do wrong?" If you just ignore him, he'll go away. If you just ignore him, he'll get pissed off and leave. If you just ignore him, it'll fix itself. Akaashi repeated this to himself as if it would realistically change anything, as if this would somehow fix his problems. "AKAASHI!" But it wasn't fixing itself. It was only getting worse. And when Bokuto grabbed his wrist in calloused hands, the dark-eyed boy was forced to face the fact that he couldn't run from this any longer.
Akaashi didn't make a habit of running away from his problems. That was stupid and immature and it wouldn't get you in anything except trouble. He always preferred to face his issues head-on. But Bokuto wasn't normal and this wasn't a normal problem. Because Akaashi didn't know how to face this particular conflict.
"What, Koutarou?!" Akaashi snapped. He shouldn't have but he did, like a rubber band under tension. "What do you want from me?!" He couldn't suppress the aching in his chest as he watched his best friend's expression sadden, the light that was always held in his golden irises dimming. Akaashi hated that look. It rarely ever happened, even when they lost games. They could've lost Nationals and Bokuto wouldn't have worn this look. This was a special sort of sadness only reserved for things that were out of his control.
"Why won't you just talk to me? There's obviously something going on..." Bokuto's eyebrows furrowed, his lips drawing into a tight frown as his hand slipped from Akaashi's wrist. The darker-haired boy secretly missed Bokuto's warmth on his pulse, but he was also discreetly relieved that Bokuto's wouldn't hear how hard his heart was hammering in his chest. "You're my best friend. I...I just want to understand what's going through your head..."
Akaashi hesitated. He didn't know how to respond to that. How was he just supposed to say that he was in love with his best friend? That wasn't supposed to happen in the real world. People weren't supposed to fall in love like that. People weren't supposed to be TV cliches because TV cliches never worked out in real life.
"It doesn't matter." Was the answer he finally settled on. It wasn't a good one and it obviously wasn't the one Bokuto wanted, but Akaashi wasn't good with words and all he was trying to do was escape. And that's when Bokuto really exploded. He could feel that Bokuto's had been on the verge of losing it the entire day. He'd just been waiting for the moment when he would finally let it loose.
"It does fucking matter, Akaashi! It matters to me! You can't just ignore me and expect me not to notice! I just want- I just need to know-... I care about you too much!" Akaashi didn't have the heart to be thankful for the fact that they were alone in the hallway while the rain poured down in sheets outside. They could've been surrounded by thousands of people but he only would've been listening to Bokuto. "Just tell me what's wrong!"
"I can't!" He couldn't help but match Bokuto's tone. Akaashi rarely got angry, but he didn't know how else to react in this situation. His back was against the wall and he wasn't going to get out of this one so easy. And then there was the fact that his mind was racing too fast for him to hold onto any coherent thought. By now, he was just saying the first words that surfaced.
"WHY THE FUCK NOT?!"
"BECAUSE I LOVE-" Fuck. Akaashi stopped short, his throat closing up and his mind shutting down as he tried to pretend that didn't just happen. You. His heart beat at a million miles an hour in his chest and if Akaashi had been a guy for tears he would've started crying. This was bad. This was very bad and he had no way of backtracking. So he did something he never wanted to do. "I've gotta go-"
And then he was gone, pushing himself away from his best friend who he left standing in the middle of the hallway, the thunder echoing around him.
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He'd found him in the gym, practicing serves with the lights out while a storm raged outside. Bokuto had walked around the entire school in the pouring rain to find this boy and low and behold there he was, in the most predictable place possible. You see, Bokuto wasn't angry. He seemed physically incapable of being angry at Keiji Akaashi. But he couldn't help the itching feeling that their conversation wasn't finished. He knew the words Akaashi wanted to say, and he couldn't just go home after hearing the almost leave his lips.
Because that was the problem with them. It was always almost. They were almost more than friends. They were almost holding hands. Almost holding each other. They were almost in love. Looking back, their entire relationship could be summed up by a collection of almost moments that never got the chance to be finished, a story left unwritten.
Which is why the only words Bokuto had as he stepped into the darkened gym, grabbing Akaashi's serve out of the air, were,
"Please say you love me," And they left his mouth breathily, far less certain than he'd intended. And he suddenly felt lightheaded, an almost euphoric sense of dread overtaking him as he dropped the volleyball. For all his confidence, Bokuto felt like his breath was being stolen from him. He was always brimming with certainty, his every move being made with solidity, but this was far different from anything in volleyball.
"I can't." Bokuto's stomach dropped, forcing him to take in a deep breath to prevent himself from crying or breaking down or running away or passing out. Really, all he could manage at the moment was to stand there and take whatever ridicule Akaashi had to dish out to him.
"Why?"
"I just can't, okay?!" His best friend's eyes were sharp as they narrowed at him, causing Bokuto's chest to clench tightly with something akin to anger. He tried to calm himself down, but Bokuto had never been the best at regulating his emotions. He wasn't like Akaashi. He couldn't just turn them off when they got too bothersome. For the most part in their relationship, Bokuto had never had a desire to. But now he wished he was more in control.
"That's not a damn reason, Keiji!" He growled through gritted teeth, trying to swallow the lump in his throat even though it felt like he was trying to swallow sandpaper. His hands fisted and his knuckles blanched as his nails dug into the palms of his hands. They didn't get into arguments often, but when they did, Bokuto was always the one who had to wrangle himself in. Akaashi never yelled, never got angry to that point. Which is why it was so scary when he got quiet.
"Fine. You want to know? I can't fall in love in high school," Quiet. It was so quiet. Barely above a whisper that made Bokuto's heart twist in his rib cage and his eyes sting. He hated it when Akaashi got quiet. "I-I...we're going to go on different paths and I can't...handle that..."
There was a heavy moment of silence between them. Bokuto didn't know how to respond to that. How was he supposed to respond to that? Akaashi was right. They were going to go on different paths and have to leave each other and there was no point in delaying the inevitable heartbreak that would eventually come for both of them. Akaashi was always right. But Bokuto was okay with being wrong once in a while and sometimes, sometimes Akaashi wasn't right. So what could be so wrong about trying? Sure, it was like stepping off the edge of a cliff into pure darkness below, the unknown being far worse than the inevitable impact, but Bokuto was stupid like that.
"And what if I kissed you. Then would you have to fall in love with me?" Again, silence hung in the air for a split second before Akaashi finally answered.
"Koutarou don't-" But the words were cut short on his lips as Bokuto grabbed his wrist, pulling him in. It was rough, at first, as Bokuto crashed his lips against Akaashi's. Teeth against lips and Bokuto's grip tightening on his wrist just enough to cause a dull ache we're two overwhelming sensations that Akaashi had a hard time processing at first. But then Bokuto's warm tongue ran across his bottom lip and Akaashi practically melted, coming apart at the seams as Bokuto threaded his fingers through his hair and gripped his bicep.
Akaashi gave in, looping his fingers through Bokuto'a still-wet hair and pulling him closer by the waist as his hand fisted in Bokuto's shirt. He gave in because Bokuto tasted like strawberries and rainwater, because his hands tugging at Akaashi's hair were driving him insane. The way he kept pulling away only for milliseconds before diving right back in and gasping softly against his lips only made Akaashi crave him more.
He pushed Bokuto backward, causing them to stumble in sync. They kissed up against the volleyball net, their lips moving together like they'd done this a thousand times before. Two pieces of a puzzle that fit together a little too perfectly. And for a moment, it was perfect. So perfect. It was warm like sunshine and Akaashi let his hands explore the angle of Bokuto's jawline and the feeling of his adam's apple moving against his palm that made Akaashi's stomach drop. Perfect.
But Akaashi needed air, so he reluctantly separated himself from the lips of the boy he was in love with, pushing on Bokuto's chest and taking a step back, leaving them both breathless. He didn't know how he felt. He felt angry because...because how was that fair? How was he supposed to deny how he felt when Bokuto crashed his lips against his and kissed him so needy. He was so fucking needy. So how was that at all fair to Akaashi, who was having a hard enough time keeping his cool in Bokuto's presence as it was?
"I love you, okay?!" Akaashi's voice came out angrier than he'd intended. He felt like he was losing a grip on the situation faster than he'd like as he felt his cheeks burning and his heart beating at a million miles an hour. Akaashi was usually calm and collected, planning out his words before he ever said them out loud. But right now...right now he wasn't thinking. "I love you. You wanted me to say it and I'm saying it. I love you."
"I love you too, Keiji," There wasn't a single pause or moment of hesitation before Bokuto said the words so simply and easily, so confidently, so solidly, as if he'd known he wanted to say them for far too long and finally got the chance to vocalize them. They left his tongue in rush, a breathy, beautiful rush of words that made Akaashi want to taste how sweet he was again. But he restrained himself, a question pushing at his chest.
"So then...what does this make us?"
"Boyfriend's I hope," With those simple words, Akaashi could see that Bokuto was back, his bright smile returning, the light in his eyes glowing brighter than ever as he grinned at his best friend. Akaashi couldn't deny the warmth that bloomed in his chest at Bokuto's smile and his words. They were all so characteristically him. They were bright and punctuated like citrus with a golden sort of sweetness like honey, a feeling only Bokuto could pull off. And he only got more excited as he said, "Oh yeah! I wanted to tell you. You still wanna go to Tohoku, right?" The tone in the room changed completely.
"Um...yeah," Akaashi breathed out on a deep sigh, his mind flicking back to reality as he picked up another volleyball. He didn't know why he was still wasting his time practicing serves when he should really be at home studying, but it was currently much more comforting than sitting in his room around pouring over a pre-calc textbook.
"Cool! I'll get to see you in a year, then," Akaashi barely startled as Bokuto slapped the volleyball out of his hands and caught it on the bounce, holding it firmly between calloused hands as he grinned at his boyfriend. Akaashi's eyebrows furrowed in a way that Bokuto found absolutely adorable, like a confused child trying to figure out what the big word you just used meant.
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I'm going there too!" Bokuto dropped the volleyball with a bright, closed-eyed grin as he held his hands up in victory as though he'd just won the game of a lifetime. However, Akaashi's face did not match his expression, his face twisting into something that was annoyance bordering on anger.
"And you waited until now to tell me this?!" He pushed on Bokuto's chest, forcing him back a step. His boyfriend held his hands up in surrender as his golden eyes widened in confusion.
"Well, I wanted to wait until after you told me-"
"Why?!" Akaashi gripped Bokuto's biceps. He wasn't actually angry, but he sure as hell came off that way. In reality, Akaashi was elated at the fact that they would be attending the same school (if not a little surprised that Bokuto got into one of the best universities in Japan), but he expression wasn't really his strength.
"I didn't want to coerce a confession," The taller boy shrugged as though it should be obvious and Akaashi released a sigh. Sometimes Bokuto could be really, really stupid. It wasn't a rare occurrence in their relationship and Akaashi actually only commented on it about fifty percent of the time. Half the time, it wasn't worth the effort.
"You can't coerce me into telling you I love you! I'm not confessing to murder, Koutarou." The shorter boy nudged his boyfriend in the ribs as he released a deep grunt of dissatisfaction and turned away. There was a split second when Bokuto coiled his arms around his waist from behind that Akaashi tensed. It wasn't because he didn't like it, he loved it. He loved how warm Bokuto was pressed against him and how safe it felt, but he wasn't used to such outright physical affection. However, when he felt Bokuto's chin rest on his shoulder, he relaxed into the feeling, allowing himself to let go of all his tension for a minute.
"I dunno. Your face says otherwise..." Bokuto cast his boyfriend a side glance that looked almost like a sad puppy dog asking for permission and Akaashi nearly melted at the sight as he whispered, "Wait, so you are happy about this...right?"
Akaashi was confused. How could he not be happy about this? How could he not be happy that he was going to the same college as his favorite person in the world? How could he not be happy that he was going to get to spend so much of his life so close to him? How could Akaashi not be happy that it turned out his boyfriend wasn't the dumbfuck he'd originally thought he was?
"Of course I'm happy about it." He felt Bokuto breathe out a relieved sigh that tickled his neck and Akaashi suppressed the urge to break into a face splitting grin. It wasn't his style. So, instead, he settled for a soft smile that he hoped Bokuto couldn't see. That would open him up for hella teasing.
"Say it again." Akaashi hadn't even realized his eyes were closed when he opened them to see that his boyfriend had his face buried in the crook of his neck, speaking soft, muffled words against Akaashi's collarbone.
"What?"
"Say it again." He didn't need to be told what to say, and he didn't need Bokuto to ask him for it for Akaashi to want to say the words. For all the difficulties that came with admitting something so serious, so permanent, Akaashi found that it wasn't that hard when he was saying it to the owl-headed little bitch who was currently feathering kisses along his collarbone.
"I love you, Koutarou."
"I love you too, Keiji."
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