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“Are you sure I’m not intruding?” Buck asks for what seems to be the twentieth time as Eddie loads up his arms with snacks. “I don’t want to invade your father-son time.”
“Christopher made it clear he wanted you here for this,” Eddie reminds him, playing down the constant begging and Christopher’s insistence that he hand-deliver an invitation to Buck at work. “And I’m glad he has you in his life. So yes, if you’re willing to sleep on an air mattress, please stay.”
Buck nods definitively, before nudging the back door open with his toe and carrying his bounty out to the tent they’ve pitched in the backyard.
“Chris, you got the flap?” Buck calls out, and Eddie is at his heels with the drinks, the laptop tucked under his arm. Christopher pokes his head out from inside the tent, where he’s been setting up the pillows for their movie night. Buck ducks into the tent, and Eddie hands off the cooler before checking the hot dogs on the grill.
He plates the hot dogs and carries them into the tent. It’s already dusk, and he wishes that they could see the stars here in Los Angeles, but only the brightest of stars are visible through the smog and light pollution. He wishes he could take Christopher camping for real. His father had taken him, once upon a time, on the rare weekend he took off from work to spend time with his son. But Eddie can’t imagine balancing Christopher and his crutches with all the equipment they’d need in the woods, so for now they have to settle for a backyard movie night.
When he makes it into the tent, Buck has finished setting up the laptop and arranging the snacks so they can spread out over the air mattress. Christopher has covered it in pillows, blankets, and stuffed animals for maximum coziness, and he and Buck have decided on a scary movie. Their choice is The Corpse Bride , which Eddie hopes will not give his kid nightmares, but decides that scary stories are probably another given for a camping trip, even one as limited as theirs’.
They get comfortable, and as they watch the movie in the glow on the laptop and pass snacks back and forth, Eddie quietly observes as Christopher settles his head in Buck’s lap. Absently, Buck runs his fingers through Christopher’s curls, both of them totally focused on the movie. Eddie wishes he could take a picture without them noticing, wants to remember them just like this.
When the movie finishes, he recognizes the stiffness of Buck’s limbs as he realizes that Christopher has fallen asleep on him, and he is afraid to move. Eddie crawls over to them, crowding Buck as he shifts Christopher into his arms to straighten him on the bed.
“He’s getting kind of big for this, but he looks like he needs it, poor kid. He was so excited about tonight,” Eddie explains in a whisper. “I’m not sure we can all fit on this air mattress, if you want to sleep in my bed. I would tell you you could go home, but you already promised him french toast with Fruity Pebbles, and we both know I can’t manage that.”
Buck opens his mouth, but he never has the chance to answer as Christopher stirs, “No, Buck! Stay!”
“Of course I’m staying,” Buck says quickly, immediately curling his long body around Christopher’s in the center of the bed. “You think I’d miss a minute of your first camping trip?”
“It’s not a real one,” Christopher mutters quietly, still only half awake. “I want to go on a real one.”
Buck looks up at him and their eyes meet, and Eddie knows before he says it that Buck is about to make a promise. He had talked to Buck about promising Christopher things he couldn’t follow through on, and Buck had agreed. But there’s a determination in his eyes that says he’ll find a way when he tells Christopher, “Then we will. You, and me, and your dad will go up into the mountains and we’ll have a real camping trip in the trees, and we’ll be able to see all the stars, and we’ll have a real fire and make s’mores. I promise.”
The soft warmth of Buck’s voice has lulled Christopher back to sleep, and Eddie settles himself on the other side of Christopher on the air mattress. It’s a bit snug, but the body heat will keep them warm. He thinks Buck has closed his eyes, but then he looks up to find him gazing over Christopher’s sleeping form, and their eyes meet.
“I promise.”
Buck insists on loading all their gear into the truck, so Eddie focuses on Christopher, making him eat before they leave so they have time to settle when they get to the campsite.
It had been nearly a month since the backyard movie night, and he hadn’t doubted Buck necessarily, but he certainly hadn’t expected the immediate series of texts with locations and plans for a camping trip. Eddie had picked a weekend and they both put in for time off, then Buck had booked the campsite. It was all relatively painless considering how much Eddie had built it up in his head.
Buck comes in to grab the last bag, letting them know that the car is ready to go. Eddie looks at Christopher for confirmation and finds him smiling through peanut butter and jelly. He’s not sure how he’ll ever thank Buck for that smile, for the happiness of his son. He doesn’t know how he can ever tell Buck how much he means to him, how grateful for all he does for both of them.
It must show on his face, because Buck is giving him an unsure look, and he shakes off his wistfulness to rush Christopher toward the door. They have a few hours drive ahead of them, and they’ll need to make camp when they arrive, so they really should get on the road.
Buck is the king of road trip games, so it’s good that he’s in the passenger seat. Eddie turns down the music so he can hear Buck and Christopher shout out words for the alphabet game for at least three rounds, before they turn to a game of I Spy.
Both of them are vibrating with excitement, and he can’t tell which of them is more impatient to arrive. Before he knows it, they’re climbing into the mountains, and the GPS guides him to the campground, where Buck jumps out of the truck, returning with a map of the campsites and a guide to nearby hiking trails.
He had tried to broach the subject of hiking with Buck. He didn’t want Christopher to be disappointed, but he also knew he was getting heavier to carry, especially for long distances. As strong as both he and Buck are, it would still be a trial. But Buck was a broken record of “trust me”s and “don’t worry about it”s, so he’d finally stopped asking.
Christopher is bouncing in his seat as Eddie drives the winding dirt road that leads to their campsite, and by the time he pulls in, Chris is already pulling at his restraints. The moment he puts the car in park, he unbuckles himself, and Buck is out of the cab and helping him out.
Chris explores the campsite as Buck shifts things in the truck bed, dragging out the tent before unloading the rest. He asks Christopher to pick the best place to set up, and waits patiently as he makes his way around the whole site before deciding. The three of them put up the tent, and Eddie smiles as he watches Buck go out of his way to let Christopher help. Putting the tent up takes far longer than it would have if he and Buck had done it themselves, but god, the smile on his kid’s face--
He and Buck move the rest of the gear into the tent, leaving anything edible in the truck for safekeeping, then give in to Christopher’s pleas that they go for a hike. Eddie still hasn’t broached the subject, and he hesitates when Chris asks, but Buck is right there in total agreement.
“It wouldn’t be a camping trip without a hike!” Buck tells him, meeting Christopher’s excitement at level, before rummaging around in the truck for one of the few bags they hadn’t moved into the tent. “I brought just the thing. You can ride on my back so you can get the best view. Would that be cool with you?”
“Yeah!” Christopher agrees immediately, taking interest in the straps that Buck removes from his bag.
Eddie looks over his shoulder as he figures out how to harness himself into the contraption, and quietly Buck mentions, “Safe up to 60 lbs. I weighed him before I bought it.”
Buck props Christopher up on the liftgate of the truck, and between the two of them they manage to get Christopher into the apparatus. He’s got the perfect view over Buck’s broad shoulders, and Buck seems to take his weight without much notice. Eddie can’t believe he hadn’t thought of this, but most of the carriers he’d seen online were too small or too expensive. Buck must have done a lot of research to get to this point.
Eddie packs the essentials for a hike into a bag, making sure their hydroflasks are filled, and swiping sunscreen across everyone’s noses before they get on their way. Buck’s doesn’t quite get rubbed in, but he looks kind of cute with the smudge of white across his nose. The thought gets away from him, and he has to turn away to hide the flush of his face from Buck, before he returns to swipe the side of his thumb against the bridge of Buck’s nose to rub the sunscreen in.
“So Chris, you think we’re ready?” Eddie asks, and Chris nods vigorously, pulling out the map he’d been examining, pointing them in the general direction of North. He lets Christopher lead the way, or in this case Buck, down the trail until they reach a clearing surrounded by wildflowers.
Buck hesitates, but then Christopher is charging them forward, “I want to pick flowers Buck, please?”
“Of course!” Buck says, so compliant to everything Christopher asks for. In this case Eddie can’t really see a downside, so he follows slowly behind them into the knee-high brush. Buck offers to let him down, but Christopher prefers to direct him like a jockey, prodding him with his finger when he wants him to pick a particular plant. They carry on like this for nearly an hour, until Eddie’s hands are full of wildflowers his son has assembled into makeshift bouquets, insisting that every one of them makes it back to camp.
Eddie is lagging behind Buck when something on his leg draws his attention. He stops Buck, kneeling on the ground beside him to get a better look. He realizes quickly what it is, and stills Buck as he tries to see, before plucking the bulging creature from Buck’s calf. He feels an itch near his knee, then near his ankle, and he spots similar creatures on his own legs.
“Shit.”
“Dad said a bad word,” Christopher calls out, but Eddie can see that he has Buck’s full attention. He holds up one of the swollen bugs, filled with blood.
“Ticks,” Buck groans, before shifting to adjust the backpack. “Hey Chris, think maybe we can head back to camp? Dad and I need to check on something.”
Christopher agrees, yawning from the excitement and the warmth of the summer afternoon. He rests his head against Buck’s shoulder and soon nods off. When they get back to the campsite, Eddie helps him out of the harness and lies Christopher on a sleeping bag in the tent before returning to where Buck is trying to start dinner. He’s tossing the food bag in the truck, but Eddie can’t tell what he’s looking for.
“Did you lose something?” Eddie asks, and Buck’s shoulders slump with defeat.
“I can’t find the can opener,” Buck huffs, grabbing the can out of the plastic grocery bag next to him. “I wanted baked beans to go with the hot dogs.”
Eddie pats his jeans down, pulling out his swiss army knife, “Give it here.”
“Oh! I have a better idea!” Buck says excitedly, before hunting under the seats for something. Before Eddie can form words to stop him, Back has placed the can on a stump and brought the hatchet over his shoulder in a wide swing.
He is successful in opening the can of beans, if losing half of the contents to the ground and their clothing counts as success, but his face is triumphant. Eddie laughs as he pours the beans into a pot and starts digging out hot dogs and chips. They’ll wake Christopher soon so they can roast the hot dogs over the fire, but first they build it. Eddie begins gathering kindling as Buck gathers firewood, and soon they have a decent fire going. They’ll wait till it burns down a bit before attempting to cook anything.
“We should probably check each other for ticks,” Eddie suggests once they’ve settled a bit, the fire crackling. “Chris should be safe since the brush only came to our knees, but I can check him when he wakes up.”
“I mean, I think you cleared our legs,” Buck says, twisting his ankles to double check. “Thanks for that, by the way.”
“You’re welcome,” he returns automatically, before insisting, “Well ticks have been known to travel to the warm, moist areas of your body, so…”
“Shit,” Buck says, his face twisting in disgust. Eddie is glad Christopher isn’t around to admonish him. On this point, he and Buck agree. “So should I go first then?”
Buck begins stripping his shirt off without warning, and all Eddie can do is nod as he pulls the heathered gray tee over his head. He makes an effort to close his jaw, wondering when it had gone lax, and then Buck is looking at him funny.
“You’re going to have to get closer than that Eddie,” he reminds him, casually working the belt from his shorts. “Unlike the ticks, I don’t bite.”
Eddie laughs nervously, crossing the circle of logs that surround the fire pit, and then he’s standing toe to toe with Buck. He knows he should be taking a look at the expanse of skin left uncovered, but he finds he can’t look away from Buck’s eyes. Buck shifts nervously under his gaze, and he’s never known Buck to be shy, but there’s certainly a vibe .
Buck clears his throat, and Eddie drops his eyes. He realizes that Buck has dropped his shorts to the ground, and is standing there holding his opposite wrist in front of him, crossing his arms in front of his crotch and clad only in briefs.
Carefully, Eddie smooths his palms over Buck’s shoulders, circling him before returning to face him. He knows it’s probably unnecessary, but he brackets Buck’s face between his palms, shifting his head back and forth to check behind his ears, trailing his fingers across his collarbone and around the curve of his shoulder until he reaches the base of his neck. Buck shivers, from the exposure or his touch he isn’t sure, but he continues checking his body for any sign of more tick bites.
Maybe he imagines it, but Buck’s breath seems to catch as Eddie lowers himself to squat in front of him, and he comes face to--well. Buck has the grace to turn in a slow circle as Eddie checks over his long legs, finding no sign of more bugs, before he takes a closer look at his calf to be sure he hadn’t left anything behind when he pulled the tick off. He smooths his thumbs over Buck’s calves conclusively before standing.
“You’re all clear, just keep an eye out for infection,” Eddie reminds him, dragging out the inevitable. He shifts his weight from side to side, until he can put it off no longer, and he sighs. “Me now, huh?”
Buck’s lips twitch with a slow smile at Eddie’s discomfort, and he makes no move to step away and give him space. He has undressed in front of Buck plenty of times before, but never alone, and never with Buck crowding his space like this. He could back off, but instead he plays this uncomfortable game of strip-chicken with him.
Buck maintains eye contact as he shrugs off the flannel shirt he’s wearing, placing it off to the side on one of the logs near the fire pit. His eyes trail Eddie’s hands as he reaches down for the hem of his shirt, pulling it over his head before dropping it beside the flannel. Eddie thinks he catches Buck looking him over, and he decides it must be his eyes playing tricks because there’s no way that heady gaze, the one he imagined, was for him. He drags his shorts off his hips, almost taking the band of his briefs with them, and jerks them back up before they can fall too low. He expects Buck to laugh, but he’s not laughing.
Instead, Buck drops to one knee in front of him, and the realization that they are both in their underwear, that Buck is looking up at him and asking for permission--to check his legs--nearly makes his lungs combust. This isn’t normal. Or is it? Can’t two close friends attend to first aid in the woods, without one of them imagining the other going down on him in the glow of the firelight?
Oh, shit.
“Um, there was one behind my left knee and on my right ankle,” Eddie directs him, unable to meet his gaze. Buck carefully reaches for his foot and lifts it to balance against his knee. While he flexes the ankle to check for marks, he also works the muscles of his foot with his thumbs, and it feels good .
After finding and checking the bite, Buck directs him to turn so he can see the crease at the back of his knee, and Eddie tries to stretch his knees for better access, but there’s no way to do so without inverting his knees. Instead Buck’s hands grip his thighs, tugging at the muscle with his thumbs to get a better look, and Eddie is trying to think of anything but Buck being at level and only inches away from his ass.
“These two look good at least,” Buck says quietly before standing. He checks over Eddie’s broad back, before directing him to raise his arms, finding nothing there, before rounding to his front. He uses his index finger to turn Eddie’s head from side to side, and he leans in to examine him closely. Eddie can feel Buck’s breath hot against his throat, focusing all his energy on breathing normally. Buck’s mouth is only centimeters from his ear now, so he can hear the soft sound of his lips parting, wonders what he is going to say, but instead of Buck’s voice, he hears Christopher’s.
“Dad! Buck! They’re everywhere!”
Buck jumps away from him, and both sets of eyes go straight to the tent. They’re grabbing for clothes, not necessarily their own so much as the closest, and while they manage their own pants, Eddie seems to be wearing Buck’s shirt inside out, while Buck is wearing his flannel with nothing beneath it. A streak of possessiveness strikes him, for the shirt he tells himself, and then they’re both rushing toward the tent.
Christopher stumbles out of the flap, and he’s slapping at his arms and legs as he rolls on the ground. Eddie makes it there first, and sees quickly what is the matter, as his son is covered in tiny ants. Since he’s tending to Christopher, Buck ducks into the tent and lets off a string of curses that will fill Chris’s swear jar and start a second.
“I told you, they’re everywhere,” Christopher says, calmer now. Eddie has stripped him to his underwear and swatted the ants from his limbs, though he can see some harsh bites left behind. He carries Christopher over to the fire, pulling his own shirt over his head until he can try and salvage some clothes from the tent.
He heads back to the tent, ducking inside to find Buck throwing things across the tent, looking for the source of the infestation and trying to save anything he can. From his frustration, it doesn’t look like he’s had much success. Buck is flustered and sweating, and Eddie’s shirt is straining over his biceps. Eddie can’t help himself, he lets out a laugh, and is met with a glare.
“We can salvage this,” Buck tells him, as if speaking it will make it so. Eddie takes a closer look at their bags, and finds ants crawling across all of them. They can’t know how many or how deep the infestation is, but it’s certainly enough.
“Buck, we must have pitched the tent on an ant hill,” he observes, helpfully, he thinks.
“Well Eddie, I can see that,” Buck says flatly. “But maybe if I run into town, get some Raid--”
Buck is interrupted by the faraway rumble of thunder, and Eddie watches denial flit over his expression before the crescendo of raindrops hits the tent.
“Dad!” Christopher says, the word drawn out nervously. He pats down his pockets and finds the keys, unlocking the truck. In perfect synchronization, Buck has leapt from the tent and is rushing toward Christopher, grabbing him and making it to the truck in time for Eddie to get the door for them.
He jogs around the front of the truck before diving into the driver’s seat. The air stills for a moment, the sharp smell of summer rain filling the cab along with the silence, and then they’re laughing. All of them. Uncontrollably.
“A valiant effort made by all, but I think we should try the motel we saw before we headed into the mountains. All those in favor?” Eddie’s hand is up before he can finish the question, then Christopher, and then slowly Buck concedes. “We’ll come back tomorrow for the stuff. Let’s just go somewhere dry.”
The cab begins to smell like a wet dog before they make it down the mountain, and when they finally round the bend leading to the motel, Eddie is already exhausted. He wonders if he can convince Christopher to take another nap, but that seems unlikely.
It’s hard to find a space when they arrive at the hotel, but the sign still shows vacancy, so he runs into the office, leaving Buck to distract Christopher as the truck idles out front. When he gets to the counter, the woman has a slow smile that says he isn’t the first to come in looking a bit soggy.
“Caught in the rain?” she asks, and he really doesn’t know how to respond, so he just shuffles to the counter and asks if he can get a room with two beds. “Well, we do have just one room left, and it’s only got the one king size. Would you be able to swing it?”
“Well my son and my--anyway there are two in the car. Is there another hotel nearby?” he asks, and she pulls out a map, which doesn’t bode well.
“I would say about 25 miles down the road there’s a Holiday Inn, but there’s a convention in town this weekend, so--”
“We’ll take it,” Eddie sighs, tossing the last of his spoons at the woman with his credit card. He could really use that nap in the king size bed he’s going to share with the man he’d been projecting fellatio onto just one very long hour ago. He takes the key and returns to the truck, moving it to the end of the long row of identical doors.
He automatically goes to the truck bed before realizing they have no baggage, and Buck chuckles dryly as he grabs Christopher and runs under the overhang. The rain is still really coming down, and the sky is dark and overcast now. There’s no hope of seeing the stars Buck had promised, and as he thinks this, he sees the misery in Buck’s expression. No need to remind him. He knows.
Eddie gets the room open and they fall into it. Buck drops Chris on the bed as Eddie turns the heat up. They stand for a moment, each catching their breath, until a growl is heard in the silence.
“Dad, I’m hungry,” Chris says quietly, as if he’s afraid to ask. “Do we have any food?”
In for ten. Out for ten. In for ten. Out for --he hears Frank repeating in his head.
“I’ll go get a pizza,” Buck offers in the same beat, and his hand is already reaching out. “Can I borrow the truck?”
While Eddie doesn’t see an alternative, he doesn’t say so as he tosses his keys to Buck, “Where are you going to find a pizza?”
“I’ll figure it out,” Buck claims with a shrug. “You guys rest and get warm, and I’ll be back soon.”
Eddie tosses Chris the remote, a parenting tactic he’s not proud of, and drags off his wet clothes. Well, considering it’s Buck’s shirt, not entirely his. He drapes them over the radiator before getting his shirt from Christopher, then tucks both of them in beneath the covers of the wide bed. There may be just enough room for the three of them if he can just leave the wandering thoughts he’s having at the door. As it is, he’s afraid they’re taking up quite a bit of real estate.
He doesn’t realize he’s nodded off until he hears the key in the door, and Buck comes in loaded with bags. He drops them in the doorway, stalling Eddie’s questions with a raised finger before heading back out to the truck and returning with pizza.
“What did you get?” Christopher asks him as he crawls out from under the covers, his eyes wide.
“Pizza,” Buck teases him. “I told you I was getting pizza, didn’t I?”
“Buck…” Eddie warns him.
“Fine, I got pajamas too,” Buck admits playfully, his eyes meeting Eddie’s. “And oatmeal. For the ant bites.”
“Oatmeal?” Christopher squeals with disgust.
“Yeah, your dad is going to give you a really gross oatmeal bath so you’ll stop feeling so itchy, and you guys aren’t going to come out until I say,” Buck says, handing Eddie a freshly bought pile of pajamas. They look very similar, red hunter plaid and Lake Tahoe souvenir shirts for both of them, and he would suspect for Buck as well, but he chooses not to comment. Instead he takes the pajamas and the canister of oatmeal and heads for the bathroom.
It’s not the usual bubble bath, but Christopher is game for anything, so he gets the oatmeal nice and mushy before using it as a compress against the angrier bites. Christopher is laughing as he makes it into a face mask, rubbing it in his hair and making an oatmeal mohawk. Eddie is grateful that there are tiny bottles of shampoo at the sink, because he will likely need the whole bottle to get the oatmeal out of his son's curls.
Buck still hasn’t given him an update, but he certainly hears movement outside the door. The closet doors have opened and closed multiple times, and he worries if the pizza will be cold by the time he can corral both of his boys into eating it. His boys. Jesus .
“Buck, can we get out of the bath now?” he shouts through the wall, and hears some sort of clattering outside the door.
“Not yet! Two minutes!”
He and Christopher look at each other curiously, and Eddie shrugs, confirming that he doesn’t know any more that his son does. Sure was a lot of bags for some pajamas though. He dresses Chris first, then himself, and they dutifully sit on the toilet and the edge of the tub until Buck gives them permission.
“Okay, but close your eyes first,” Buck tells them, ducking into the bathroom. Sure enough, he is wearing pajamas identical to Eddie’s, but he’s thrown Eddie’s flannel on over them. Something in Eddie’s heart gives, and he covers his eyes with his hand without argument, smiling.
Buck scoops Christopher up with one arm, then reaches for Eddie’s hand with the other, tangling their fingers together as he leads him from the bathroom. The fluorescent lights can’t be on, it’s too dark behind his eyelids, and he’s unfamiliar with the room so he follows Buck’s lead until he’s stood where he believes the bed is.
“Okay, open your eyes,” Buck says, and Eddie can feel him vibrating next to him. He hesitates a beat, and he hears Christopher gasp with excitement before he uncovers his own eyes.
Eddie Diaz doesn’t get emotional easily. He’s working on it, he is, but most people, his therapist included, would call him repressed. That is to say that it means a lot that when he opens his eyes and sees what Buck has done, tears press at his eyelids and he has trouble catching his breath. God, he is going to lose it .
The only light in the room is coming from christmas lights that Buck has taped from one side of the room to the other, back and forth, so they cover the whole ceiling. In the darkness, if you squint, you could almost believe they were stars. Over the bed, Buck has strung a clothesline across the center of the bed, and the spare sheets from the closet are draped over it, making it so that the bed looks just like a tent. He has even rearranged the pillows at the foot of the bed so they can watch TV from beneath the canopy.
Christopher dives headfirst into the tent, which frees up one of Buck’s hands. Eddie knows he should let go of the other, but he decides he’ll let Buck release him first. He doesn’t.
Instead, he tugs Eddie along as he pulls out a brown gift bag with red and orange tissue paper sticking out the top, “No fire in the hotel room, unfortunately, so I made us one. Usually you can’t look in a fire, but Chris, why don’t you see what’s in the bag?”
Chris pushes aside the tissue paper and pulls out bars of Hershey's, graham crackers, and a jar of marshmallow fluff, “S’mores!”
“But first pizza,” Eddie interrupts, and Buck finally releases his hand so he can grab the pizza. Eddie sorts through the bags, finds a six pack of beers (“what, you looked like you needed one”) and a box of Capri-Sun. He tears open the package and grabs two for Christopher, tossing them at the bed as Buck plates up the pizza and passes it into the tent.
“Can we find a scary movie?” Christopher asks, and he and Buck look at each other. They hadn’t planned on Wi-Fi, so they didn’t have the laptop with them, and Cable TV wasn’t necessarily the most kid-friendly entertainment this time of night, but Buck makes a go of flipping through the channels.
“Ooh, this is a good one!” Buck tells him as he stops on a movie. There are three men in a library, pointing buzzing electronic equipment at mysterious misplaced books until they see a ghost. Buck looks over at him, sensing the smirk on his face. “Even I’ve seen this one.”
They settle in to watch Ghostbusters , and Eddie crosses his fingers that it won’t give Christopher nightmares. On the bright side, at least he’ll be sharing a bed with them tonight so they won’t be far if it does. Once the pizza is finished, Buck extracts himself from the comfort of the tent to assemble s’mores, before passing them out. He grabs another beer for each of them, and Christopher grumbles that he’s in the way of the TV as he hands the beer over.
He crawls back into the tent, this time next to Eddie, and Eddie can feel the hard press of the length of his body against his side. He steals a glance at him, wearing his shirt even though it obviously doesn’t fit him, the product washed from his hair in the rain and his curls sticking up. He still doesn’t know what he’s feeling, certainly can’t put words to it, but he’s realizing that he’s open to thinking about it instead of pushing it down.
He realizes too late that his stolen glance has been noticed. Caught red-handed, all he can do is throw up a bashful smile in response.
“Dad?” Chris asks, with no explanation but the spreading of his very sticky fingers without pulling his attention away from the TV.
“I got it,” Buck says as he shifts to get up, and he returns with a washcloth. This time he crouches on the floor at the foot of the bed, being sure not to obscure the television as he carefully wipes the marshmallow from each of Christopher’s fingers.
It’s so thoughtful, so kind, that it hits Eddie in a rush. The last time he felt like this about a person...he married her.
Buck glances over his shoulder, must sense Eddie watching him and he smiles, before crawling over to the opposite side of the bed, sandwiching Christopher between them. It’s way past his bedtime, but the movie is nearly over and he seems to be fading fast. He just barely makes it to the end, and then he insists they all sleep in the bed upside-down so they can fall asleep looking up at the stars.
Buck tries to distance himself, probably doesn’t want to make Eddie uncomfortable by crowding him and his son, but Eddie reaches out, dragging his fingers through Buck’s curls, so much like Christopher’s. Like he was meant to belong to them.
“Buck,” Christopher whispers quietly, just on the edge of sleep. “This was the best camping trip ever. Thanks for taking me.”
“Anytime buddy,” Buck tells him, but he’s obviously distracted by the soft drag of Eddie’s fingers in his hair. “Go to sleep, okay?”
“I love you,” Chris says softly, and Eddie can tell that it’s meant for both of them.
“I love you too,” they answer in chorus, and Eddie smiles slowly, before adding. “Jinx.”
Buck rolls his eyes, turning onto his back and closing his eyes. Eddie almost believes he’s fallen asleep, but then he opens his eyes to look at the stars, and Eddie realizes he’s been watching him the whole time. Buck turns to face him, his voice low so he doesn’t wake Christopher.
“I think I know what you’re about to say,” Buck says, his voice soft and sleepy. “But don’t.”
Eddie’s heart drops into his gut. Don’t . Don’t mess this up. Don’t change what we have. Don’t make me reject you. Don’t.
“Not tonight anyway,” Buck interrupts his spiralling thoughts. “This night has been perfect, and the moment you say it--things will begin to change. And I’m ready. I’m so ready for that. But I don’t want to ruin tonight. So please, tell me in the morning.”
Buck smiles a slow smile, fully aware that by thwarting Eddie’s confession, he has made an admission of his own. Eddie can’t help but smile back, so content that he falls asleep just like that, a smile still playing on his lips. He can’t wait till morning.