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Axel glanced down at his shaking hands. He hadn’t noticed that they were shaking, but then again, they’d never stopped.
Not since Oscar had died. And not since he’d killed Otto.
Axel supposed he used to take a lot for granted -- after all, he and his brothers had spent years working for the Commission. They’d garnered a reputation of sorts for themselves. The Swedes got the job done. The Swedes were ruthless. The Swedes never died.
But none of that meant anything anymore, because on this mission, both of Axel’s brothers had drawn their final breaths. And he hadn’t been able to save them.
One second he’d been fighting that woman, Allison Hargreeves. The next, a fog had settled over his mind.
And then, well. He’d watched as his own hands wrapped around his brother’s throat. He tried to fight it, he assures himself of that all the time.
He was kicking and screaming, a prisoner in his own body. It felt like lifetimes, lifetimes of him squeezing and Otto struggling beneath him, blood slowly seeping out of his eye.
And then it was over, and he supposed it really had been a lifetime. At least for Otto. Axel had killed him, choked the life out of his own blood.
It would’ve hurt. He would’ve suffered. And he didn’t even get a proper funeral.
Not that Oscar really got one, either. They did the best that they could do with... what remained.
Of course, after Oscar died, the only think Axel wanted was revenge. And although he couldn’t kill Diego Hargreeves, he settled for the strange man from the video store. An eye for an eye. Öga for öga.
Naturally, when Otto died, he should’ve wanted revenge against Allison Hargreeves. But the problem was that he harbored no ill will toward that woman.
Because he’d been the one to kill his brother. He had done the deed. That moment is forever ingrained in his mind, and he knows -- God, he knows -- he could’ve fought harder. Could’ve clawed his way back to the pilot seat of his own body, could’ve saved Otto.
But he had been weak.
That’s why he had gone to the barn, fully intending on killing again. He couldn’t blame anyone for the death of Otto but himself, and he realized now that they’d been played from the beginning.
So it had been the Handler’s turn to pay. Sin punishes itself, after all.
Killing her had been easy. It had been a relief, to know that he’d avenged his brothers, at least in some small way.
Saying “tillräckligt” had been even easier, though. Five was right, after all. There had been enough killing.
That was all he and his brothers had ever done, but without them, it just wasn’t the same.
So Axel had agreed. Enough. Tillräckligt.
And he’d decided to take a chance, to start life anew. He’d leave the killing and the time travel and the mindless violence behind.
Apparently for him, that meant stepping onto the colorful van that had offered him a ride in 1963 Dallas, Texas.
He hadn’t known what to expect, just knew that the little bald man seemed happy and Axel desperately needed some happiness in his life.
And so he’d ridden across the country with an ‘alternative spiritual community,’ a band of misfits not unlike himself. Everyone came from different places and had lived different lives. They had all suffered in their own ways.
Slowly, so slowly, Axel learned how to live again. He learned how to let go of his past and live in the moment.
And most surprisingly, perhaps, he learned how to love.
He found a kindred spirit in Keechie, despite their wildly different experiences in life. They were on the same bus now, physically and metaphorically.
Everything made sense when he was with Keechie. He felt like he could finally breath, could finally process some of his grief.
At night, in Keechie’s arms, he didn’t dream of all of the lives he had taken. He dreamt of a future with the former accountant.
Perhaps they would adopt some children and raise them in the countryside. Vanya had probably had the right idea.
Or maybe they would go back to his homeland, to Sweden. Keechie was smart, inquisitive by nature. He’d love the language, the culture, the food.
But really, Axel found that he didn’t care at all where they went, even if they spent the rest of their lives driving through states, stopping only to spread the Prophet’s gospel.
Axel could live like this, and that was something precious. Because he truly knew in his heart that he could live.
As long as he had Keechie with him, he knew he could be a better man. And he knew that he would survive the rest of this lifetime, even without his brothers by his side.
He was almost there, he felt it in his bones.
It was like what his mother used to say -- the closer to the source, the clearer the water.
As Axel stared at his hands, and two smaller ones reached forward, slowly intertwining their fingers. Axel looked up, meeting Keechie’s bright eyes.
And his hands finally, finally stopped shaking.