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Ben would be the first to admit that he’d been utterly miserable for the past week or so. Birthdays were always hard for him, the jealousy was intense - but something about his siblings becoming twenty-five made it even harder. It was a quarter of a century, they were halfway to middle age. Ben had hardly even been a teenager, he was never allowed to become an adult. Sure, he’s still here with Klaus, and he looks older for some bizarre reason... but it’s not the same. He never had the chance to have any life experiences, and his afterlife wasn’t particularly fun either.
“This is depressing.” Ben complained to his brother, taking in their surroundings. Klaus was spending their - no, Klaus’ twenty-fifth birthday in rehab. This place was so bleak, it wasn’t a far cry from prison. Klaus was coloring in his nails with a non-toxic black marker. They wouldn’t let him near anything he could huff, which Ben thought was fair. Ironically, this made him emotionally huffy. He was very attached to painting his nails, for whatever reason.
“Yeah, no shit.” his brother scoffed, a scowl forming on his face “Any other helpful insights?” he hissed. The other people sat in the communal room had made themselves distanced from Klaus. He would rather they think he was crazy than The Seance. Ben sighed and perched himself on the table Klaus was sat at. “I just wish we could have a real birthday...” Ben mumbled. He’d never had a real birthday, not like the ones other people had. Ordinary people. Lucky people. His siblings had all had the chance to start actually celebrating their birthdays once they left home, but Ben was already buried six feet under by then.
“Sorry to inconvenience you.” his brother snipped. He was currently being an asshole, but it was just because of detoxing. Well, kind of... he unfortunately always found a way to get something to take the edge off whilst he was here. It wasn’t as much as his body had grown a tolerance for though, so he was still rather grouchy and on edge.
Guilt hit Ben when the thought crossed his mind... he’d spent years literally begging Klaus to get clean yet here he was wondering- “What if you left?” he whispered, even though he knew no one else could possibly hear him. Klaus stopped coloring his nails to look up at him in pure disbelief. He looked like a mixture of irate, amused, and bewildered all rolled into one.
—
Klaus flounced over to his case worker and batted his eyelashes, which Ben had warned him simply looked like he had a nervous tick or something in his eyes. It definitely didn’t look as Betty Boop as he thought. Choosing not to sit on the free chair, he instead chose to perch himself on the desk John sat behind, leaning close enough to make anyone uncomfortable. John was unimpressed, but knew Klaus’ weird behaviour by now. “Did you know it’s my birthday?” he casually asked. “You’re not allowed to leave, Klaus.” John mumbled, getting back to reading the file in front of him. Klaus groaned dramatically.
“Just for one day!” he yelped, John apathetically shook his head. “Half a day?” Klaus begged, leaning further across the desk. John wheeled his chair backwards and shook his head once again. “An hour?!” Klaus pleaded, sticking his bottom lip out. His case worker let out a deeply irritated sigh.
John looked up at Klaus, seeming exhausted and bored. “If you really want to be out for your birthday, why don’t you just climb out of the window like usual.” he dryly suggested with a quirked eyebrow. Klaus had a talent for hearing things the way he wanted to, including choosing to interpret sarcastic jokes as actual recommendations.
—
Diego knew his hobby of beating the shit out his sister’s book sleeve wasn’t exactly healthy, but it was better than going out and beating on actual people as a way to relieve his stress. This was his first birthday in a while that he’d spent without Eudora as his girlfriend. He didn’t really like birthdays, anyway. They just reminded him of the fact they were never allowed to have childhoods. Reminded him he missed his mom. Reminded him Ben couldn’t celebrate his.
As he punched yet another blow into the picture of Vanya’s pathetic face, he began to wonder what she was doing. He hoped she was happy with the attention she so desperately craved. She was probably alone, being a crazy cat lady or something. This was the first birthday he’d hated another sibling more than he hated Luther. The gym’s phone began to ring. Diego groaned and rolled his neck, grabbing a towel to wipe the sweat from his brow. He wasn’t in the mood for one of Al’s crazy Italian family members to yell down the line at him.
”Hello?” Diego grunted, still forgetting he should probably answer with the name of the gym. Sue him, it’s not like he was used to living in a place of business.
”Diegooooooooo!” his favorite non-missing, non-deceased brother yelled down the phone. Diego pulled the receiver back from his ear, he literally felt the vibration against his skin.
After a moment to roll his eyes, Diego put his ear back to the phone. “What do you want, Klaus?” he grumbled, not in the frame of mind to pick him up from the station or get into an argument about lending him money.
”What is it with you people and thinking I always want something?” Klaus whined like Diego’s assumption had been unwarranted. Diego heard shuffling down the line, and then a muffled one-sided conversation. Finally, his brother stopped arguing with himself. “My bad, you may have been right on this one occasion!” he giggled, Diego could visualise the dopy facial expression his brother was no doubt pulling.
”What a surprise...” Diego muttered as he propped the phone up with his chin, so he could start unwrapping his hands.
”Can I have a ride?” Klaus pleaded, sounding like a kid asking their mom for ice cream. Diego shifted his weight from foot to foot. He was feeling pretty lonely... but his brother was equally insufferable.
He groaned, deciding it would probably be less depressing to be irritated than alone. “Where from?” Diego grunted, hoping he sounded highly uninterested.
—
Ben was pleased to have the even numbers back together on their birthday. He was kind of pissed with Klaus for taking several hours to actually call Diego after escaping rehab, getting distracted by his usual idiocy. Ben would take the win though. They hadn’t seen Diego in a while, not since the whole book ordeal. The last they heard from him, he passed on a new phone number and said he was going somewhere with cheaper rent. His apartment hadn’t been all that classy to begin with, so Ben wasn’t thrilled to hear that. “Can we go bowling?!” Ben inquired excitedly. He knew he couldn’t actually bowl, but maybe he could try and pretend he was involved.
His brother literally gasped and swivelled to face him in the seat beside his own. “Those shoes are so ugly!” he whispered, sounding unbelievably outraged. Diego probably would’ve been less outraged had someone told him their mom was just a machine, and Luther was her favorite son.
Diego turned the radio up louder so he wouldn’t be tempted to start eavesdropping on Klaus’ nonsensical ramblings. He’d accidentally heard some unsavory chatter one too many times. “Where did you say it was?” Diego raised his voice to almost a shout, catching his brother’s gaze in the rear view mirror.
”Oh it’s...” his brother clearly pretended to look out of the window “it’s left here.” he mumbled. Klaus evidently wasn’t paying attention to his own lies, as they had now gone in a complete circle. Whatever, it was better than being bitter and alone. Diego nodded, and took the left.
”I think he knows you’re bullshitting...” Ben pointed out to his brother, he’d gotten pretty damn good at reading people’s facial expressions after having to communicate with Klaus via them so often. Also, they’d gone in a total circle. Klaus shrugged his shoulders, Ben knew he didn’t give a shit either way. Ben did, though. He turned to softly beam up at their elder brother. “I think he wants to hang out!” he exclaimed. Maybe this birthday wouldn’t be as depressing as he thought. It would still be almost unbearably depressing, but not quite so much. Klaus raised a dubious eyebrow and shook his head subtly. “Oh come on,” Ben groaned “he’s clearly lonely!” he gestured towards his brother who had nothing better to do on his birthday than give someone a ride.
”You look hungry.” Diego stated, which was technically truthful, but he really just wanted an excuse to not go back to an empty goddamn boiler room. Klaus began to say no, but suddenly dramatically shivered and manically nodded his head instead. Diego wasn’t sure what freaking drug caused that kind of crazy.
Ben winced guiltily at his seance brother, slowly retracting his hand from where he’d rapidly phased in and out of his chest. “Sorry...” he murmured, forcing an apologetic grin. Klaus mimed slitting his throat and dying, which Ben thought was a low blow. Ben scowled back before miming shooting up, and having a seizure.
—
It always confused Diego as to why Klaus would want to come back to this place, it just made Diego sad... but it had been a birthday tradition to sneak out and eat here, so whatever - why not. His brother was leaning across the counter, twitching his eyes rapidly. Diego assumed the asshole must be tweaking. “It’s our birthday, y’know...” Klaus smirked flirtatiously at the usual Griddy’s waitress. Diego didn’t know if it was more disturbing that Klaus was trying to flirt his way into cheaper donuts, or if that was what he classed as flirtation.
Agnes blushed slightly, and bashfully looked down at the ground. She needed to raise her standards, Diego thought. “Our?” she asked, flitting her gaze between Diego and Klaus. Diego often forgot it was abnormal to share birthdays, especially with people who you look like you have zero relation to.
Klaus tilted his head to the side and propped his chin up with his hand. “Yes, we’re twins.” he deadpanned, still doing the weird fucking tweaker eye twitch. Agnes, understandably, seemed to be debating whether Klaus was just insane or if he was joking. Eventually she settled on a nervous chuckle, patting his hand playfully.
—
“I’m telling you, it was Pogo!” Klaus yelped, throwing his hand up in the air.
Diego scowled. ”Why the fuck would Pogo stea-“ Both brothers fell into silence as Agnes placed a plate in the middle of their table. A plate holding a jelly donut, with a lit candle in the center. The brothers looked from the donut, to each other, to Agnes, and to the donut again. They didn’t really do the whole candles thing as kids, and apparently neither of them had picked that tradition up in adulthood. Agnes’ grin wavered as she noticed the twins’ mystified expressions.
”You’re... s’posed to blow them out...” she mumbled, looking like she wondered which planet these boys came from. Klaus lazily shrugged and blew the candle out, causing Diego to smack him upside the head.
”Who said you got to do it?!” Diego hissed, leading Klaus to kick him under the table. Agnes awkwardly backed away, looking both concerned and amused. Ben wished he were alive, so he could steal the donut whilst they were distracted by kicking each other progressively harder under the table. This was definitely more entertaining than watching Klaus sit moping around in rehab.