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“Whoa!” Luke sighed in wonder as he stared at the immense skeleton hanging from the ceiling. “Professor, that thing is huge!”
“Indeed it is, my boy,” Hershel replied, smiling at the fossilised sauropod. “Can you even imagine how much larger it must have been in life?”
“Are you joking?!” Luke danced around in circles, staring straight up at the ribcage overhead. “How could this thing possibly get bigger?”
Hershel pressed a finger to his lips.
“Please don’t shout, Luke,” he chided. “This is a museum, after all.”
Luke slapped his hands over his mouth.
“Sorry, Professor!” he whispered.
Hershel laughed quietly to himself and patted his young apprentice on the head.
“It’s sweet that you’re so excited,” he reassured him. “Now, I believe you needed to see the geology department, did you not?”
“Yes, that’s it,” said Luke. “And don’t worry, I’ve got my notebook right here!” He proudly held the book and his pen aloft.
“Remember to take as many notes as you possibly can,” Hershel reminded him. “I shall be testing you to make sure you’re focused on what you need to be doing. Your father will never forgive me if I become responsible for you failing your class.”
“I understand!” Luke bounced happily up the stairs. “Come on, let’s go!”
“Please control your volume, Luke!”
“Sorry!”
Hershel couldn’t help but smile again as he climbed the stairs after his excitable friend, who froze with another gasp of sheer amazement as soon as he reached the top step.
“Professor!” he whispered hoarsely. “Professor, look!”
He grinned from ear to ear and pointed ahead of him as Hershel reached the top of the stairs and saw what had him so awestruck.
A massive open geode stood as the room’s sparkling centrepiece. It stood twice Hershel’s height, hat included, like a gigantic gaping maw into sparkling purple infinity. Luke scampered over to it and stopped behind the velvet rope surrounding it, hand already outstretched before Hershel caught up to him to tap on his shoulder and point out the sign thanking visitors for not touching the exhibits. At that, Luke smiled nervously and withdrew his hand.
Hershel couldn’t blame him for his excitement. An appreciation for geology tended to come hand-in-hand with his line of work, and this gigantic display of amethyst was definitely a thing of beauty.
He looked around the room, smiling at the sight. The space was expansive, making sure the geode would be centre of attention, but dimly lit so that the shelves of rock samples lining the walls would be properly illuminated and all the more eye-catching. As he heard Luke scribbling furiously in his notebook, Hershel took their surroundings in: display case upon display case, the arrangement system of the displays difficult to discern from this distance, and even with the overhead lighting being so dim, he could see the stones sparkling like glitter and jewellery.
Perhaps, he supposed to himself, because so many of these stones were used in jewellery.
“This is amazing!” Luke whispered. “The stones are so dark, it looks like space!”
“Remember that this is only the first part, Luke,” Hershel said. “You’ve got this entire floor to explore, after all.”
“Yes! Of course!” Luke shut his notebook with a snap. “Let’s go, let’s go!”
“Don’t run, my boy! You’ll shake the shelves!”
“Sorry!”
Luke powerwalked as gently as he could to the nearest set of shelves, which put a range of ore cross-sections on full display. Hershel could see a shimmering crack of opal, its label stating it to be from Australia, a bee-coloured section of gold ore, a coppery brown streak of iron and a contradictory green streak of copper, the dappled grey of silver…
“They’re so colourful!” muttered Luke. “Look at that titanium, it’s almost blue!”
“Just you wait, Luke,” Hershel replied proudly. “You’ll find many ores in this place far more beautiful than these.”
As soon as he was finished scribbling down more notes, Luke trotted over to another display case. This one was far more open, showing displays of rocks on their own rather than cross-sections…
…and when he saw how they were labelled, Hershel saw his opportunity for his first test.
“Luke,” he murmured, “did you sleep well last night?”
Luke hesitated, pen halfway through a word, and stared up at the Professor.
“Well enough,” he replied. “Why?”
“You weren’t humid at all?” asked Hershel.
His apprentice frowned.
“That’s a relief,” said Hershel, “because I thought it was rather an aerinite.”
Luke noticed the placard propped in front of the deep blue stone and pressed his knuckle to his mouth. Hershel smiled to himself again at the sight of the boy struggling not to laugh.
Little did he know that this was only the beginning.
“My apologies, Luke,” he said. “I didn’t mean for my little joke to leave you jaded.”
The snort Luke made sounded choked and painful, but Hershel regretted nothing.
Struggling not to laugh at himself, Hershel followed his young apprentice as he moved along the display to see more of the beautiful minerals the museum had to offer.
The sight of them really was impressive. A spiky sample of jamborite, poking up like a muted green sea urchin, beside an ochre-toned rose of baryte. A beautiful swirl of shades of green in a piece of malachite and a lovely sky-blue cut of celestine.
Hershel looked over the placards displaying what each stone was called.
“Say, Luke,” he said, “you know the term for those who illegally smuggle rocks and gems, do you not?”
Luke frowned again.
“I didn’t even know people did that,” he replied.
“Well, they do,” Hershel said happily, “and a man who does is known as a pyrite.”
It was hard to tell whether Luke’s face was reddening from anger or from stifling laughter.
“It’s…” He swallowed hard. “It’s impressive how it forms in such perfect cubes, isn’t it?”
Hershel nodded. He didn’t want Luke to hate him just yet. Besides which, with how smooth those cubes were, it was hard to resist temptation to take it out of its case and feel it.
Moving along, he could see even more glimmering stones and even more spectacular colours. There was one piece of tourmaline that stayed pink where it was fused to the stone that surrounded it, but had turned green around its upper edge. It looked almost like a slice of watermelon, its bright colours a brilliant contrast against the knife-like piece of neptunite positioned beside it.
“Whoa!” Luke gasped again. “Professor, look!”
He had moved to a different part of the room without Hershel noticing and was now admiring a dark, shimmering stone positioned on a plinth and protected by a glass case. He bounced on his heels as he waited for the Professor to approach.
“It’s a meteorite!” he whispered as loud as he dared. “Professor, this is a meteorite!”
“So I see.”
“It came from space!”
“Remarkable, isn’t it? And look at that one over there.” Hershel pointed to another similarly displayed stone not far away.
Luke obediently trotted over to that case, notebook and pen in hand, and Hershel could practically hear his eyes widening once he reached it.
“It’s a moon rock!” he gasped. “Professor, this is a moon rock!”
Hershel chuckled at his young friend’s enthusiasm.
“Indeed it is, my boy,” he said.
Luke turned to him with a frown.
“You’re not going to come out with some rock-based puzzle, are you?” he asked.
“Of course not,” said Hershel. “I don’t want to distract you from your notetaking.”
The boy’s frown deepened.
“But you’re happy to make loads of horrible puns?” he asked.
Hershel tipped his hat.
“I very rarely get any opportunities like this,” he explained, “so until we’re done, you’re just going to have to grin and barite.”
Luke’s face screwed up like a prune’s skin as he struggled not to laugh or groan.
The Professor struggled not to grin with pride, even as he pocketed his hands to resist the urge to try to touch the stones they were surrounded by.
Another large display of stones and minerals stood not far away, and Hershel casually wandered over to it while he waited for Luke to finish his next page of notes. He could only hope Luke wouldn’t catch onto the fact that he was already concocting his next batch of terrible jokes.
“Ooh!” Luke quietly cooed as he approached. “They’re all so pretty, Professor!”
“Indeed they are,” Hershel said. “I’m glad you decided not topaz this section up.”
Luke slapped his open notebook into his face.
Hershel, meanwhile, did everything he could not to laugh. A gentleman doesn’t laugh at another’s pain, no matter how mild or pun-based that pain may be.
“It may be a little exaggerated to say,” he went on, “but I believe this department to be the hyalite of this museum.”
Luke quietly growled into his notebook.
“How many more of these jokes can you make?!” he hissed.
“Never fear, my boy,” said Hershel. “Give me some time and I’ll have plenty more slated for delivery.”
Another soft growl. The Professor had to try his hardest not to laugh.
“And may I remind you,” he went on, “that you’re the one who decided that I should come rather than your father, on account of his work.”
“Yes,” sighed Luke. “I know.”
“So this is entirely your fault.”
It took a second for the pieces to click together in Luke’s mind, but when they did, he simply turned and walked away to another of the displays. Hershel clapped his hand to his mouth, even though holding back his laughter like this was starting to make his stomach hurt.
When he caught up to Luke, it was just in time to find the boy staring, fixated, at a gigantic ammonite fossil.
“Are you enjoying yourself?” he asked.
“This is huge!” Luke splayed his fingers out and held up his hand to the ridged spiral. “How did these things even grow so large? Is it because there was so much more oxygen back then?”
Hershel hummed in quiet thought and stroked his chin.
“I can’t say if that’s the reason for sea creatures being so large,” he replied, “but I do know it was the cause for insects growing to quite frankly ridiculous sizes thanks to the sheer overload of oxygen in our planet’s atmosphere.”
Luke looked up at him with another frown.
“How ridiculous?” he asked.
“I would say…” Hershel held up his hands at roughly double the width of his hips. “…that would be the wingspan of a prehistoric dragonfly.”
His apprentice’s eyes widened in a blend of amazement and horror.
“Wow,” he muttered. “That’s… Professor, that’s terrifying.”
“Yes, it is,” Hershel said. “Let’s be glad insects can no longer grow to such ridiculous sizes. That we know of, at least.”
Luke straightened up, brushed down his shorts and ran over to another expansive display of rocks.
“They’re all so beautiful!” he gasped. “Professor, look at that… that kyanite!”
Hershel nodded.
“It’s very impressive,” he agreed. “I’m pleased to see you aren’t taking this little excursion of ours for granite.”
Luke threw down his hand and glared at him, to which Hershel simply smiled back. He had long since learned that the best response to pun-based annoyance was to feign ignorance.
He waited until his darling apprentice had begun taking notes again.
“I mean it, Luke,” he added. “I’m very glad that you’re taking this opportunity to marble at the sights this place has to offer.”
A momentary hesitation and another faint growl of frustration was the only response he got.
“Just make sure you don’t touch any of the exhibits,” he warned, “or else one of the employees may give you a wacke.”
Luke’s head flew around to throw him another infuriated glare, and Hershel continued to feign ignorance.
He simply stepped up next to his diminutive friend and admired some more of the stones. An almost perfectly triangular growth of deep red helvite was set beside a glittering chunk of jagoite, its yellow hue so vibrant that it could almost be mistaken for gold ore. There was a block of calcite, such a pristine white that it almost looked like an overlarge salt crystal, and a deep black piece of hematite beside a toffee-coloured piece of shimmering orpiment.
The side-benefits of archaeology truly were incredible, he thought to himself.
He looked down at Luke, who was already on his fourth page of notes on the rocks that surrounded them.
“Tell me, Luke,” he said. “How long were you planning for this outing to take?”
Luke shrugged.
“I’m not sure,” he said simply. “I don’t know how much we’ll be tested on, so I want to make sure I get as much as possible.”
“I understand,” said Hershel. “So it’s very likely that you’ll work up an apatite.”
If Luke gripped his pen any harder, he was going to shatter it into pieces.
“Professor, please,” he hissed. “I don’t know how much I’m going to be tested on.”
Hershel nodded again.
“Of course,” he replied. “I wouldn’t be surprised if you found it rather tuff.”
He could have sworn he heard a fuse blow inside Luke’s head.
“I’m…” The preteen slowly lowered his notebook. “…I’m going to go and look at some more of the fossils.”
The Professor adjusted his hat and waited a minute or two before following after his apprentice, not wondering for even a moment if perhaps he had made too many jokes at once.
He found Luke admiring a display of dinosaur footprints, comparing his hand against them, and holding up one finger after another as though trying to work out which of those fingers was closest in size.
“This must’ve been…” he thought aloud. “…one of the smaller ones…”
Hershel checked the placard that labelled this particular fossil: Compsognathus. It was tempting to ask Luke if he could pronounce such a word, but he knew the boy would only find that patronising.
It was hard to believe he was already thirteen.
The Professor looked away so that Luke couldn’t see his face just in case he started tearing up. He was growing up so fast.
“Professor?” he heard Luke say. “Are you okay?”
Hershel wiped his eyes on the heel of his palm.
“Not to worry, Luke,” he said. “I’m perfectly alright.”
Luke sighed as he looked back at the fossilised footprints.
“I wish I was here to take notes on these as well,” he commented. “Professor, do you know how big these things would’ve been if they were still alive?”
Curious, Hershel held up his own thumb and forefinger to one of the footprints, measuring it to be around seven and a half centimetres from toe to heel.
“It’s a little hard to determine,” he admitted. “I’m afraid dinosaurs are more the field of palaeontologists than archaeologists. However…”
He ran a calculation or two in his mind.
“I would think it’s safe to estimate that this creature was around a metre tall,” he deduced. “Perhaps less, perhaps a little more.”
“Wow,” sighed Luke. “By dinosaur standards, that’s tiny!”
“I know,” said Hershel. “We think of dinosaurs as gigantic beasts that could swallow us in a single mouthful, yet it was very possible for them to be no bigger than a large dog.”
Luke sniggered softly into one hand.
“Could you imagine having one of these as a pet?” he asked.
“Oh, good gracious,” muttered Hershel. “I cannot even begin to imagine the sheer chaos that could come from having a pet dinosaur, even a herbivorous one!”
“Do you think they could behave like dogs? Or would they be closer to cats?”
“I imagine they’d be far more like lizards!”
Luke took another moment to giggle before straightening back up and leading Hershel to another huge display case of beautiful stones.
As Hershel approached, he saw a brilliant aqua coloured gem, named ‘phosphophyllite’ according to its nameplate. It sat beside a lovely deep red stone, dappled with silvery grey. Cinnabar, it seemed. There was lapis lazuli, agate, a large misshapen pearl, a fossilised coral, diamonds in shimmering white, sparkling yellow and industrial black…
“Beautiful,” he muttered.
“They’re so pretty!” added Luke, scribbling furiously in his notebook. “Look at how many different types of opal there are!”
“Indeed,” said Hershel.
Luke froze. He knew it was coming, but there was nothing he could do to prevent it.
“This display,” said the Professor, “is very gneiss.”
His apprentice slapped the notebook into his face again and groaned like he had never groaned before.
Hershel still regretted absolutely nothing.
“Professor?”
“Hmm?”
Luke looked up from the notes he was reading over.
“You said you were going to test me in the museum,” he recalled as Hershel steered them through a roundabout. “But you didn’t test me at all!”
Hershel laughed to himself.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied. “Of course I was testing you. I wanted to make sure you were able to focus on taking your notes while you were under pressure.”
Luke frowned for what must have been the fiftieth time that afternoon.
“Do you mean all the puns you were making?!” he demanded.
“Please, my boy,” said Hershel. “A gentleman doesn’t shout while in a car.”
His apprentice settled back in his seat.
“As a matter of fact, I do mean those dreadful jokes I was making,” Hershel told him. “As you grow older, Luke, you will be expected to remain focused and determined in far more harrowing situations than those I was putting you in. I simply wanted to ensure that when that time comes, you will be ready for it.”
He glanced to his side.
Luke’s frown was beginning to soften.
“I…” he said softly. “I hadn’t really thought of it that way. Professor, that’s…”
His hesitation prompted Hershel to look to him again.
“That’s a very kind sediment.”
Hershel could have burst with pride.
“Then if the matter is settled,” he said, “I think we’ve earned ourselves a cup of tea. What do you say we stop at the shops and get some cake to enjoy with it?”
“Professor, no!” Luke responded. “Surely rock candy would be far more appropriate!”
Hershel’s cheeks were almost painful from how broadly he was smiling.
“But in all seriousness,” said Luke, “I’d love a slice of Battenberg cake.”
“So would I, my boy,” Hershel replied. “Let’s see if we can get our hands on some.”