Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Life, existence, death, reality. All those synonyms seek your soul and turn it into a profound meaning—the meaning of why you're on this planet, breathing the same air as successful people. You probably noticed I added the word "death" to those synonyms. Well, when you think about it, for some lost souls, there's no difference between being gone and living.

July 19th, 2019.

The hard, violent rain started to fall on a Monday morning. An alarm could be heard in the room of a man. Tendou, exhausted, turned his head towards the phone that activated the melancholic music and turned it off. The rough winds whistled as it made the boy's curtains fly, gently touching his head, surprising him. The phone immediately rang, but the young adult ignored it. After entering his bathroom, he quickly brushed his teeth and hair. He went into the kitchen to grab a piece of buttered toast left on the counter. His roommate, Semi, must have prepared it for him before he left for school. He was very empathetic and cared a lot about the red-haired man. He glanced at the clock, thinking he would have time to go to the store to buy some food for lunch today. It read 7:17 a.m. It took the 6'0 inch tall man five good seconds before reacting to the hand on the clock, betokening he was late. "I am so late!" Tendou grabbed his bag and umbrella as fast as possible, running towards the door. Crossing the threshold, he slammed the door behind him, opening his voicemails as he kept running at the same pace with the toast between his thin lips. Semi called three times to make sure his roommate woke up on time for his first day in university.

"Hi, Tendou, it's Semi. Are you awake yet? Class is starting soon. Call me back when you receive this voicemail." Tendou dialled his roommate's phone number, but tripped on a slippery rock causing his phone to slip out of his hands. Even his long fingers couldn't reach the flying phone. His whole body began following the movement of the electronic device as the piece of bread flew out of his wide-open mouth. He let out a little gasp until his chest was first to land on the wet pavement. The screen of his cellphone was destroyed. The rain was lighter, creating a dull sound. Drops were falling on the man's back. He looked as if he gave up on going to his destination. Tendou weakly tried to turn his body to lay on his back, contemplating the raindrops landing on his pale skin. It made him seem like he cried. The latter grinned as a soft chuckle escaped his mouth. "It's okay if I'm late... I've experienced worse in my life."

The young man moved his head to the left, seeing his broken phone, sitting a few feet away. His facial expression rapidly turned into a discouraging look. He gave himself a small boost of energy to place himself up. He was now sitting cross-legged. His wet, dirty hand reached his cracked device and brought it closer to his curbed body. He wiped the gravel that got stuck between the cracks. Tendou finally got back to his feet and began to walk at a normal pace. The disappointed look on his face revealed that his phone was done for. It couldn't be turned on anymore. He tilted his head back, taking a deep breath as he let the delicate wind blow on his face, making his soaked hair dance in the cool air. As he looked down, a big building suddenly appeared in his eyes. The university the slim man attended had four floors. Unfortunately, his class was on the last one; therefore, he had to run with the little strength he had left after his unfortunate incident. Feeling drained of energy, he entered the humongous construction. And as soon as he set foot in the loud hall, other students had their eyes set on him. Everyone gave the poor man dirty looks, but it did not give him a reason to confront them, as they were all irrelevant to him. He was used to all of the cruel looks on their faces, sizing him up and judging him for the way he looked. (We can definitely say he gets his fair share of attention regularly.) Climbing the stairs was fatiguing for the half-asleep man. Thankfully, he got to the top floor safely and briskly began walking towards his biology class. His trembling hands touched the door handle and steadily rotated it before a small, rapid squeaking sound could be heard. The class had already started, but everyone stopped doing what they were doing to lay their eyes on the bullied boy.

Tendou's expression turned into a disheartening look. Feeling his heart drop, he decided not to take notice of anyone's grin. However, he did notice a kid was ready to begin bursting out laughing. As soon as Kye sat down, he frowned, which forced everyone to turn their attention back to their professor. Except for one. "Why are you in your pyjamas?" Says the boy giggling and grinning, placing his hand in front of his teeth. Tendou's eyes widened as his eyes gradually began moving down to check his clothes out. He quickly looked back in front of him, sweating and biting down on his lip.

"FU-"

Chapter Text

The tense air drastically turned the atmosphere gloomy, darkening the entire room. Thirty minutes have passed in the embarrassed man's class. His head rested on his arms, Tendou was paying little attention to the professor's words that were coming out of his mouth. His eyes were worn out, as he could scarcely keep them open. However, an unexpected hairy hand met the table's wooden texture next to his straight hair. Tendou flinched, looking up to see the tutor's miffed look on his face. There was something hidden behind his visage of discouragement. This man definitely wanted to mock him. The boy's extensive eyes were fixated at the older man with such intensity that he forgot to respond. Frozen by fear and confusion, Tendou formed his words at an exceedingly sedated pace moving his lips with barely any strength. On the other hand, the class professor spat out his words at a rather fast  pace, interrupting the poor university student by nearly insulting him in front of the class. Tendou bobbed his head and began to redden as he felt uneasy. He was reluctant to raise his head to confront the professor and his seemingly unfair action. Why would someone recognized as a professional sound so cruel and very... unprofessional? "Men like you won't be able to survive." Those words echoed in Tendou's head. Confused, he stood up and slightly rotated his feet facing the exit door. As he grabbed his books, the latter placed one foot in front of the other before repeating the same motion until he reached the threshold. The saddened boy quietly exited the class in the direction of the library. Once his body left the room, the student placed the book he held close to his chest, hiding his hurting heart. As he clenched his fists out of anger and sorrow, Tendou tried to avoid the tears that were fighting to be free and ready to roll down his face. The sound of thunder and lightning could be heard rumbling outside, but the young, damaged man could care less. The library was less than ten metres away, and when Tendou arrived, he pushed the door that was already semi-open. No one was inside but the librarian. A soft and weary sigh escaped his throat before he started walking towards the first table that was available. He slowly leaned back on the black wooden chair with a faded smile formed out of relief as he sat down. "Ah, I am alone... finally."

Five hours passed, and Tendou was peacefully resting his head on the table instead of studying. He was in a deep sleep until a random, unknown student tapped his shoulder. He lazily opened his eyes as he slowly raised his head. Saliva stuck between his arm and lower lip. He had very dark circles under his drowsy eyes. Thus, he couldn't open one of them. The sleepy student forced a weak smile showing his teeth, causing the other one to grimace. Despite the unfriendly student's reaction, Tendou chuckled as he disregarded him. He stood up, which caused the chair to be pushed and make a squeaky sound. The spiteful man, who had the guts to give the poor boy a vicious look, rapidly covered his ears because of the obnoxious screeching sound. Tendou turned around, left his books without caring, and turned his head to observe the man's unpleasant expression, taking advantage of the amusing moment. He smirked as he kept walking.

It was now 7 P.M. The red-haired man walked home under the rainy night. He splashed water on the pavement by walking right into the puddles. He enjoyed doing so since he was a little boy. The day went by exceptionally fast for him, which wasn't bad at all. He grew to despise long and unnecessary days that tend to occur in his life. The rain gently falling on the ground gave a sparkled and shiny appearance to the pavement's grey colour that usually seemed boring on a normal, sunny day. Looking down, Tendou took action by lifting his head back up to see where he was strolling. Red neon lights lit the city, but the rest was drowned out in the pitch-black night. Surrounded by faint raindrops, he walked over a bridge, alongside a deep river. The type of river that you could rip your skin off against sharp rocks if you fell in. It could cause you to meet your death in a second, without any suffering. Even though drowning sounds like an unpleasant way to die, it sure seemed like an attractive option. Staring at the flowing water, Tendou wondered what if he jumped. Would anyone ever miss him? It would stress people out if he jumped off that bridge. If he committed suicide, it would give people depression for weeks, for months, for years... forever. It's not like he cared anyway. He's had enough of his unfair life. Of that destructive society, that sick world he lived in. He stared at the flowing water for a bit. He calmly closed his eyes and took a deep breath before letting his body fall in the air and collide with the violent river as a hand grabbed him robustly.

Tendou opened his eyes to find himself still standing on the border of the bridge. He was hyperventilating and confused about the aggressive touch he felt. He was also puzzled about the fact that he was on the edge of a tall bridge, ready to jump. Suddenly, footsteps could be heard approaching rapidly. As soon as he turned around to see where the strange taping was coming from, he saw a tall silhouette. This unknown shadow seemed strong, rough, heavy, and dangerous looking. Nothing was actually scaring him, so he decided to stay where he was. Intensely staring at the dark figure until the bright red lights revealed a buff, serious man. His hair appeared to be green in colour. He seemed to be wearing a tight form fitted grey shirt and a pair of skinny jeans. The water falling from the sky made his shirt wet. His muscles and his skin could be seen through it. Tendou presumed that the brawny man was freezing, but he just glared at him for five full seconds before placing a word. "Is everything alright, man? Do you need help? You seem all soaked." The taller man didn't answer. A long pause occurred before Tendou turned around and began to walk away. However, as he began to move his legs, the odd, muscular man followed his movements. One of Tendou's eyebrows frowned as the opposite lower eyelid twitched. A grin can be seen on his drained looking face. He violently turned back around.

"I said, do you need any help? Why are you following me like that? It's creepy." Tendou immediately regretted those words thinking the intimidating man would tell him not to call him creepy since he, himself, is creepy looking. But, by his surprise, that man finally spoke with a deep, smooth voice. "My name is Ushijima Wakatoshi." Tendou's eyes widened. He was astonished to the point he couldn't answer back, nor greet him. It was weird seeing someone have a normal conversation with him, considering he was judged by most of the other people he had met. They rejected him because of his thunderous behaviour, so it was heartwarming to meet someone different. Ushijima already sounded different from the others, and Tendou had met him only a few minutes ago. This was the start of a better life for the dejected young adult. Finally, he would have a real friend. Placing a light smile on his face, Tendou eventually answered. "My name is Tendou. Nice to meet you." Ushijima smiled. "I see. The weather's nice tonight. Would you like to go for a walk? I'm a bit lonely."

Now, if this wasn't the sketchiest thing that has ever happened to Tendou, then it is quite up there. He could defend himself in case Ushijima was a menacing gang member. Not to mention he looked way too innocent to know how to injure a depressed soul like Tendou's. The confused boy's blood vessels opened wide, flooding the skin with blood causing him to blush slightly. He was more than content to be invited on an evening adventure. Without showing his joyful expression much, he smiled at the athletic looking man before accepting his offer, with pleasure.

•And here it began, my happier life... by meeting him under the LED lights.•

The rain has stopped, and the two men ambled along the dampened road. The shorter of the two moved his hands inside the dim sweater's pocket he owned. Not knowing what to discuss, Tendou swiftly glanced at the ripped mysterious individual next to him. As soon as his bright red eyes budged, Ushijima was already staring at his pale skin and worried features. Tendou didn't look away. Instead, the movement of his delicate lips curved slightly to reveal an endearing smile. Wakatoshi didn't smirk back, but he felt like he had to add a little bit of energy in their current, gloomy adventure. "Wanna be friends?"

Tendou's trembling lips, caused by the breezy climate, snapped back to their previous position. His heart was beating faster than usual. He didn't know what this type of feeling was as he had never felt appreciation and was never liked by anyone. Suddenly, his feet ceased to move. This obliged the taller gent to stop strolling in his turn, noticing that Tendou had stopped walking. Tears couldn't be brought to an end as the poor confused boy whimpered, gazing at the first person who ever respected him. His lower eyelids were half closed as the tears caused his vision to blur out. Despite his watery eyes, he could see Ushijima walk towards his fragile body. Bawling was the only option as the howling couldn't be stopped until the strong man unexpectedly wrapped his muscular arms around him. They both stayed in each other's arms for a while. Well, Tendou did, since he didn't embrace the stranger back. The rarity of this act lulled the frail man into a certain sense of security. "You can stop hugging me now." Tendou said, sniffing. The puny adult lifted his shaky hands, grasping his new friend's arms. Accepting his offer, Tendou thanked Wakatoshi for being so agreeable with him.

A bridge could be seen in the green-haired man's eyes. His thick fingers gently touched Tendou's left forearm to indicate that he should turn around and look at the lit viaduct behind them. As both companions wandered in the direction of the massive structure, the blue lights became dazzling. Arriving on the bridge, the wind blew tenderly on the two silent men, allowing their hair to sway. Wakatoshi slowly turned towards Tendou and asked. "How is life for you?" This was a difficult question to answer. Life experiences vary, which means they can be good, or they can be bad. It is safe to say that there is no sense of a good life for anyone—only good moments. There can be a bunch of various joyful moments and very little unfortunate ones, or the opposite. It depends on the person, but Tendou seemed not to have many good memories. How could he give a reasonable answer to such a complex question? Why was Ushijima so curious about his life? Was he that lonely?

"Life could be better, I have no friends, no family, and most people tend to despise me." The sad man said confidently. His words were so blunt, but to Ushijima's ears, it was distressing. The buff man exhaled before continuing. "Do you ever want to escape reality?" Tendou chuckled a bit before giving his opinion. He placed his sweaty left palm on his mouth, hiding the grin he tried to avoid. His new comrade was interesting, fun to hang out with, and already seemed like a nice person. A benign cough escaped his throat, and the amused young man started speaking in his turn. "Yes, all the time."

All the time... Tendou realised how heart-rending he sounded. But Ushijima didn't appear to be perturbed by his response. Cars drove by blowing a gale, splattering the two men's pants. Both didn't pay attention to the mess the vehicles made. They instead were staring at each other.

The vapid expression on Ushijima's face concealed that he wanted to meet Tendou again and go further in their philosophical escapade. "I know a nice park. If you don't mind, we can spend more time together tomorrow." It was the first long sentence from Wakatoshi. Unfortunately, he had to leave. Tendou smiled faintly as it was somewhat of a disappointment to be separated from his new friend. The tough man turned his back and smirked before revealing his staggering expression. He received a tremendous message.

"You know, people aren't afraid to die. They're afraid to live. So live your life to the fullest, Tendou."

Those words stunned the young university student. Tendou blinked his eyes sluggishly, wondering who this man that magically appeared in his life could be. He indeed made him happier, but he was still as peculiar as ever. ''Are you my guardian angel?'' Tendou murmured in his mind. A tiny smile could be seen on his pastel-colored skin. But as soon as he blinked one last time, Wakatoshi disappeared. As he stood in the middle of the bridge's sidewalk, the bewildered boy smiled with his eyes fully open. The rain started to fall again.

"Who was he..?"

Chapter Text

[Flashback.]

August 4th, 2014.

Life. What is the reason for it? All we do is sleep, wake up, eat, work, and restart that routine. What could help us understand this evil and cruel reality we call life? The depth of that little world. First, why do some people even mention that their existences are unimportant? They must live on the nasty side of that so-called reality. Life can be mean to you. It can most definitely rip your emotions apart and throw them into the deepest darkness. But it's also beautiful, euphoric, and exciting to experience. You see, there were many times in Tendou's existence where he thought to himself, "I can't be happy anymore. I hate where I am". An inky cold place. Nobody wants to encounter those emotions caused by tragedies.

His name was Tendou. He was 16 at his first house party. Purple and pink LED lights were dancing in the living room. The man who drove him and Semi to that party was sitting on a brown leather couch, cross-faded. They called him Snoop Dogg because he resembled the rapper a lot. The same fellow stopped the fucking car in the middle of the road to let some gangsters talk to them. At that moment, Tendou really thought one of them was going to get a gun from the pocket of their long, dark brown jacket. Snoop opened his window to let them put their ugly heads in the vehicle to speak to them. That was the second scary part of that mini road trip to the house party. The first one being him not driving straight, and in the wrong lane. He was driving on the sidewalk sometimes. Thank God it was midnight and nobody was on the road. It was also Tendou's first time being high, smoking in a bong. There was porn on the TV, punk music roaring from every single speakers, cocaine on the glass table in front of his trembling legs. Tendou was staring at the wall that reflected the moving lights. The blue glitters under his eyes mixed up with his melting mascara, making the makeup look messy. He had red, tired eyes. It felt like the latter had to smile through the stress this exact moment made him go through. It was during his first vacation alone in summer 2014. That same summer Robin Williams committed suicide. Why do people want to die? Why escaping that reality in such hardcore ways? Aren't they afraid of the suffering they would endure before their poor, damaged hearts cease to pump? When someone wants to leave this world, they usually have experienced trauma such as rape, mental or physical abuse, war trauma, etc. Nearly 22% of people who have been raped had attempted suicide at some point, while 23% who experienced physical assault tried to take their own life at some point. And that is only among adults in one single country. Did you know the suicide rate for men is twice as high as for women? Yes, men have feelings and most likely hide those "shameful" emotions because society told them to be "strong, not weak. Or else you won't get a woman. Or else you won't be seen as serious." Oh man, the pressure they must carry on their shoulders. That sweet toxic masculinity haunts some to their graves, suffocating them with anxiety. Pushing them to act firm, resist any emotions that can easily make them look like wusses and cowards creatures. Women were laughing at them because some expect men to protect them. Women can be cruel to men. First of all, they're mostly into emotionless assholes that wouldn't give them enough love back.

While Tendou was glaring at that empty, boring wall, he heard glass breaking. As he jumped and snapped back to reality, his friends and him sprinted to where the noise came from. Arrived in the kitchen A tall, green-haired guy was standing in front of the broken back door. Drops of blood rolled down his forehead, travelling through his nose and mouth and letting the man taste the iron flavoured liquid. Huge red stains colored the collar of his dark green shirt. He had an adorable expression on his face. No matter how fucked up he got, Tendou couldn't help but gaze at his eyes, rosy cheeks, and smooth looking skin. Suddenly, a woman arose from behind. She sounded terrified and mad at the same time. Like she wanted to punch the shit out of the delinquent who injured that boy. She gave off such a furious reaction, as she tried to find the person who put him in this situation. Semi took his arm and brought him to the bathroom upstairs. The stairs were right beside the open entrance of the kitchen and in front of the living room. While walking to their destination, the drops of blood fell on his jeans and floor. Everything was blurry to Tendou as he was following them. The wooden steps were cracking under the soles of his shoes. As he moved his pupils fast from left to right, the neon lights followed their movements. When you're high on that plant called marijuana, everything seems so slow and more humorous, like a relaxing moment where you can finally be stress-free, focusing on breathing deeply. The world should be more like that. Slower paced and more moderate. We spend too much time working for a wage we don't deserve. There's not enough vacation, and we shouldn't be forced to learn things that will be completely useless later in life. We should choose what we want to know, studies that will be practical for our future careers. And mostly, acquire knowledge of the stuff we need, such as staying healthy or finding a job, and paying bills. Tendou didn't believe that school was pointless. He respected hardworking teachers that would do anything for his success. We need our education. But Gosh can school be bullshit sometimes.

Standing in the bathroom next to the wounded man and his companion, Tendou's head started hurting. The smoke was floating around the hallway to the washroom. The shade of the room was blue. The walls were wet from the vapour caused by the burning flowing water. Semi was wiping the man's bruised skin, while Tendou was ready to vomit. He always hated blood. He was intensely afraid of it. Back downstairs, Tendou was drinking some water to clear his throat. The protective woman explained that the boy was her brother. She had multiple injuries on her knuckles from beating up men who dared to touch her precious younger sibling. His name was Wakatoshi Ushijima. Tendou wasn't used to knowing people like that. It was quite extreme for a first party. And here he thought it would've been an ordinary high school gathering: smoking pot and drinking alcohol between friends. He got himself into a mess. Two men tried to make a friend out of him. It wasn't too embarrassing or uncomfortable. They were nice enough and offered him a beer. Here's one thing about Tendou; He will never drink beer unless he's drunk. The bitter taste of that sparkling drink always made him want to throw up. It literally tasted like liquid bread to the frail boy.

Sitting on the stairs outside, the stars shone bright. Tendou needed air, and so did his friend. They were discussing how they wanted to leave the place so bad. Wakatoshi's sister was nice enough to call them a cab. It was almost 4 A.M, and they could barely keep their eyes open. Their eyelids began to feel heavy as the Indica started to kick. Once the taxi arrived, Semi couldn't help himself but to discuss and laugh with the driver.

Meanwhile, Tendou was looking up at the inky sky. It was raining. He started questioning life. He didn't know if it was because he was intoxicated, but those questions that tickled his curiosity began to freak him out a bit. Do you know you're going to die eventually? That scary feeling of not being able to wake up again and everything becomes pitch black? The way you can't breathe anymore, and everyone misses you. That moment of anxiety eats you alive, and you cannot reach your goals because you can't move. You're not of this world anymore. It's probably inhuman to have this mindset but, it reassured him that he was on the same boat as everyone. That he won't be the only one who is going to lose the ability to breathe one day. We're not invincible, nor immortal. He wouldn't say he liked how the saying "we are all on the same boat" existed when we all suffer in different ways. Some have better lives; some are richer, etc... We are battling through the same storm, yes, but we certainly aren't on the same boat.

Life brings us as many joyful moments as it does downfalls. Life's journey may not become more manageable as we grow older, but we have to understand it better. Life is cruel, but it is beautiful as well. And we must embrace the positivity it's sending us. Focusing on happy moments and living life to the fullest can change our perspective of the way we think about our existence. To appreciate the positive things in this brutal world, we first need to accept and love ourselves. As hard as it sounds to make it come true, it's the only solution. Tendou always thought about going in front of a mirror, listing five things he loved most about himself. And as Mae West once said: "You only live once, but if you do it right, then once is enough."

The rain became more intense. As Tendou decided to open the window, he put half of his upper body outside while waving his arms. He was feeling the cold drops of water rolling down his pastel skin, making his sparkly makeup melt down his cheeks. It looked like he was crying glitters. It was the most peaceful ride he had ever been on. He was inhaling the fresh breeze of the rainy morning. Semi was smiling, wondering what the hell his friend was doing. Tendou gently told him that moment was the unique moment he felt free and that he escaped reality. Have you escaped reality before? It feels so good. It's a satisfying feeling in your heart that evokes memories of happiness. That same happiness you once had a while ago. And you don't remember how it feels anymore because life becomes darker and darker as you grow older. This is why we need to create joyous moments in our lives. No matter what, you're not alone and that having seven fucking billion people on this damaged planet while receiving no love is most definitely impossible. That life won't give you freshly bloomed flowers all the time. It will send you multiple storms, and you have to go through those storms to get rainbows and sunshine.

Chapter Text

[Back to present time.]

It was past dusk, and Tendou had to head back home. He pulled his shattered phone out of his pocket and remembered he smashed it on the cold, wet ground earlier. The defeated boy sighed as he remembered that he had to walk all the way to his place, in the middle of the night. The adult noticed that he didn't have his umbrella anymore since he fell this morning. He must have left it there by accident. Life was not too congenial to the exhausted man. He lost the ability to care about almost anything since his family told him to live by himself. Thus, forcing him to find a roommate due to the lack of money. According to them, Tendou's appearance was so embarrassing that he could not go out and enjoy nice family dates. Just thinking about his past made him sick to his stomach. Tendou's house appeared in the unlighted neighbourhood. The front door slowly opened, making a high screeching sound. A grey-haired man was at the threshold, waiting for him with his arms crossed, as he scowled at him. He often acted as a mother would act to Tendou, despite being of the same age. Semi, however, seemed more mature. As he approached, Tendou looked at him with a guilty smile as if to say, "sorry, mom, I won't do it again."

It would be funny enough for Tendou to burst out laughing in his roommate's face. Unfortunately, the willowy man couldn't bring himself to say those words. He had to come up with an excuse and expeditiously. "Traffic was heavy tonight." Tendou giggled guiltily, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment as he closed his eyes. "You don't even drive, nor do you take the bus." Semi sighed, telling his roommate to get inside before he caught a cold. Once in the house, Semi put his right hand on Tendou's left shoulder and slightly pushed him towards one of the dining room's chairs. He stayed silent, hinting at his soaked roommate to explain himself. Pouting and looking away, Tendou sighed. He disliked the fact that Semi parented him since he informed the latter of the situation he had with his family. Tendou placed his right hand on the tablecloth as he folded his arm to push himself from the seat in an attempt to escape the awkward situation. But a pair of hands tugged on his forearm, causing him to sit back on the wooden, brown chair. Semi stood up to stop his tired roommate. Shocked, Tendou finally talked. "Oh my God, why do you act like I'm your kid?!"  Semi frowned. "I didn't see you in chemistry class today. I looked everywhere in uni, but you were nowhere to be found! And now you come back home at nine in the freaking evening?! School ended five and a half hours ago." Semi swallowed his saliva before he continued to explain the reason why he scolded his roommate. He felt extremely anxious. "I was just worried about you. You're not alone, you know?" Tendou stood up to hug his concerned friend. He knew he cared for him.

Semi Eita. A gentleman who was rather empathetic with everyone he met. Tendou never really considered him his first friend; instead, he considered him like a brother. The first day he decided to open up and rant to his apprehensive roomie, he started being showered with affection. Semi's attitude seemed very forced. He wasn't used to people caring about him. The hug stopped as Tendou pulled himself out of Semi's arms. He smiled at his friend to comfort him, rubbing both of his hands on each of the latter's arms. He then explained that there was no reason to be worried.

Tendou talked about the strange fellow he met earlier. And that he evoked intriguing vibes. Semi chuckled as his anxiety began to vanish slowly. The man tapped Tendou's arm and suddenly had an idea. "Hey, 'wanna escape reality with me tonight?" Ushijima's face flashed in Tendou's mind as Semi pronounced those words. His sleepy eyes widened, and his mouth was agape before he asked: "What do you mean by that?"

"You'll see soon enough, come with me!" Semi grabbed Tendou's hand and brought him next to the couch, pushing his shoulders down to allow him to sit on the squishy sofa. Afterward, he sat on the mini glass table placed in front of the furniture while pulling a box with "mini papers" inside. His fingers opened it, revealing two tiny pieces of paper with a yellow smiley face on each of them. While taking one of them out, Semi gave himself a boost to stand up and walked towards the balcony. He opened the curtains. "You might want to go outside at some point." The puzzled face Tendou expressed started sweating as he had no idea what his roommate was about to give him. He sat next to Tendou, crossed his right leg on top of his left one, and took one of the small papers between his thumb and index finger. Sticking his tongue out, Semi told Tendou to do the same and place the smiley face on his tongue. Tendou looked at his roomie as he was astonished by his actions and repeated his movements at a slow pace. Nothing happened.

An hour later, Tendou started to see the LED lights waving around the TV and walls. His stomach hurt a little and his skin became more sensitive. But the latter ignored those symptoms. Semi changed the light colours in an attempt to set a different mood. Dark blue lights flickered on to form a rather calming atmosphere; yellow made both men feel neutral, green made them feel at peace, and finally, pink set a dancing mood. Every colour seemed brighter as the lights became more and more unbearable to watch. Semi stood up and began to swing his arms and pivoted. "Know that we are exactly where we're meant to be, even though you may not be where you thought you would be." Semi shrank in Tendou's eyes, which caused him not to take any of his words seriously. The walls were slowly breathing. He laughed. Semi grinned and turned on the radio to reveal a piece of nice atmospheric music, evoking a deep aesthetic ambiance in the room. The wind was gently gusting through the curtains. The pleasant smell of autumn calmed the two entertained men, despite their intense acid trip. Tendou started tasting the music; the sound waves were morphing into different colours. Suddenly, Semi turned the LED lights into a deep red colour, which became highly unpleasant for Tendou. It made him feel very anxious, while it made Semi feel "sexy". The perturbed boy rapidly ran outside, sweating. His roommate glanced at him, following his footsteps at an average pace. While Tendou tried to breathe, Semi placed his palm on his dense body. He put his opposite hand on one of their bicycles' seats, hinting at the sickened man to ride with him. Tendou was perceiving his roommate's eyes melting every time the wind blew on his face as a third eye appeared on his forehead. Everything was purple to him with traces that blended into each other. Both just took 250ug of LSD, but it didn't stop them from jumping on their bicycles and going on a fun midnight adventure. The fresh air calmed Tendou down as he was zig-zagging in an attempt to control his bicycle. He was doing a good enough job of not falling over. On the other hand, Semi was riding with no hands, zig-zagging, closed eyes, and a broad smile. The trees were whispering. The sound of the water from the river, not too far away, was delicious. While Semiwas having his moment, Tendou took a different turn and found himself alone. Or, at least, he thought he was.

"Are you an illusion?" Said the puzzled boy while staying still on his bicycle, which caused him to fall off it eventually. Landing on his butt and left hand, Tendou tried to stand up. A tall, muscular man stood in front of him. Wakatoshi reappeared before Tendou's eyes that same night. An adorable smile appeared on the fallen man's face as Wakatoshi reached for his hand to help him go back on his feet. Thanks to this tall gentleman, Tendou could control his high even though these effects would last another nine hours. Wakatoshi pulled the fallen man out of the dirt, and their eyes met intensely before a conversation occurred.

"Have I escaped reality yet?"

"Is it your dream to do so?"

"Yes, it feels good~."

"Well, you haven't yet."

"Yea... I have to live my life to the fullest before."

They both smiled. As they were both standing looking at each other, Semi arose from a bush. His hair was damped as the water drops rolled down his cheeks, hiding his tanned skin. All of his clothes were soaked. He could barely breathe; it was like he ran ten miles without taking a break. Wakatoshi and Tendou observed Semi with such perplexity; they didn't know what words to choose. The merged lines were still visible to Tendou. Water was surrounded by dancing lines on his roommate, which made him feel even more bewildered. Ushijima questioned the bizarre ways the two men were acting. As he placed his first word, Semi interrupted him as fast as a mouse running from a famished cat. "I fell in the river, the water was speaking to me, and it had the most beautiful voice."

Tendou's eyes shifted towards Ushijima to see a reaction. As his eyes swang in the direction of the strong man, the surrounding trees waved and melted. They were creating a melancholy sound to his ears. Leaves were flying, and Tendou could hear whistles. Everything had a sound to the stoned man. The silent, confused man noticed they were both under the influence of a hallucinogenic drug. As Ushijima mentioned, he assumed they took some type of substance; they both denied it. But they couldn't pull the wool over his eyes, and they finally admitted it. For once, Semi didn't act like the parent.

An idea came into the sober man's mind as he remembered a place they all could go to and have fun. A roller skating disco closed at three in the morning on the other side of town. Ushijima decided to drive them since the two high adults couldn't walk in those conditions. Not to forget, it would be a bit far to go by foot. A mini road trip was planned.

As they approached the taller man's vehicle, they were astonished by the waving blue colour. The Tesla's navy shade appeared like flowing water to their dilated pupils. Standing still with open, drooling mouths, Ushijima snapped them back to reality. Just by walking to the automobile, Tendou and Semi felt like they were spinning in the air, followed by merging and rotating lines. They arrived in the car. Tendou took the passenger seat when Semi found a water bottle he could play with on the back seat. As Ushijima sat and started the car, he opened his vehicle's roof to help his new buddies feel more comfortable. He then put some nice atmospheric music to set the aesthetic mood.

Five minutes passed, and Tendou looked up at the sky full of stars. He brought his left hand to the seat belt clipper to unfasten it, as he stuck his head out of the car's roof. Wakatoshi looked at him, unbothered by his actions as he kept driving in the pitch-black night. Tendou's body was half outside as the nice breeze made his hair wave. He breathed the air that appeared in all different colours to him. Nothing was too trippy, or he just cared so little about the current situation Semi put him into. As the music became more intense, the joyful man lifted his right and left arm to let the wind tenderly push him. His lips curved to create a little smile as he enjoyed the relaxing instant. The world seemed so beautifully written at that moment. Right there, Tendou could understand the wise words Einstein once said;

"The world, as we have created, is a process of our thinking. It cannot be changed without changing our thinking."

This wasn't part of his story. This was a moment he was living. A wonderful instant that brightened a dark night. Because it's only in the darkness, we see the stars. He felt alive, at last. he felt like he was happy for the first time in forever...

Semi tried to fall asleep, but everything was tremendously distracting to the man. There was no time to sleep as the three fellows arrived at their destination. After getting out of the vehicle, the two roommates had an excited expression on their faces. Wakatoshi hinted at them to follow him as he led them to the disco's entrance. Once they entered the building, loud songs were playing. The three young adults spotted the roller skate counter and brought their legs towards the desk to order some for the rest of the night. The guy working had a bowl cut and dark hair. He smiled at the three men as he gave them the right sizes of roller skates. Once they got the skates, they sat on the bench next to the counter and discussed. Wakatoshi  informed his two friends that he would control where they skate to avoid collision and keep away from any injuries. Once they had their feet in the four-wheeled shoes, they began skating on the wooden floor.

Semi seemed to know how to control his high, as he already consumed acid a couple of times at parties he got invited to. Tendou, on the other hand, needed the company of his new friend. So Wakatoshi placed one hand on his shoulder and the other on his opposite arm, standing and skating behind him. Above them, the disco ball was projecting every single bright colour they could've imagined, giving all of our characters colourful tints. Tendou's heart started racing as he heard the sound of a piano playing a gentle melody every time Wakatoshi moved his fingers on his delicate body. He was sweating and felt hot to the point of being completely red. "Is everything alright?" Said the muscular man, letting his arms wrap around his blushing friend's chest, allowing himself to caress him through his clothes. Tendou couldn't answer as he was too high and shy from the circumstances. Semi spotted them cuddling as he let himself roll without looking in front of him. He just stared at them, not knowing if this was reality or not. "Nah... it must be the LSD." Said the boy running into a light redhead guy. His frail chest pushed down the individual as they both landed on their stomachs. His small body was on top of the man he had just hit. The boy couldn't breathe anymore, as he slapped Semi multiple times before the latter decided to finally get up. Tendou and Wakatoshi approached them and mocked Semi, saying he found a new boyfriend. The new guy looked at all three men and smirked. "Hey, my name is Shirabu. Nice to meet you. Do you guys have a curfew? I was looking for people to go to a party afterwards. And I see you're definitely in the « party » mindset here." Shirabu winked, making sure he showed that he noticed the two men (especially Tendou) were under the influence of hallucinogens. Semi stayed silent and blushed, but Tendou accepted in an instant to steer clear from the awkward moment between Wakatoshi and him. Their new companion wrapped his fingers around the grey-haired boy's wrist and pulled him on the dance floor while pivoting with him. Trying to convince him to come with the rest of his friends, Semi concluded that he would come. After all, he couldn't fall asleep as the substance he took doesn't allow him to even close his eyes. Thrilled, Shirabu pulled Semi and grabbed Tendou's wrist as well. The latter took Wakatoshi's hand and took him with them. They were all skating towards the counter to take their rollerskates off and head to the party.

Once outside, our four companions decided to hop in Ushijima's car. It was a large enough vehicle for the three men to hang out in the back, letting Ushijima drive in peace. Arrived in the car, Shirabu took out a couple of colored makeup pencils, and sparkles in a jar out of his pocket. "'Wanna look like pretty boys?" Semi and Tendou pulled confused facial expressions as Shirabu smirked and removed the cap of a red-ish makeup pencil. He approached the pencil lead towards the red-eyed boy and started spreading the colour under his right eye. Semi looked astonished. Shirabu then pulled out a mini brush and dipped it in the white and pink sparkle jar to lay the glitter out on Tendou's pale skin. Some fell on his neck, but it added to the aesthetic aspect. Once he had done his makeup, he kissed him on the forehead as he slowly turned towards Semi smirking, hinting that it was his turn to get a makeover. He pulled out a pasty purple pencil, removed the lid, and came closer to him than he was with his roommate. He smoothly drew on the exquisite shorter man's skin as he didn't push the lead too hard on his face. He drew on the amazed boy's under eyes and right cheek in such delicacy. It tickled a bit. But it felt good as he made the pencil dance on his skin. A small smile appeared on Semi's face. The sensation calmed the man. Shirabu's lips came closer to Semi's while he put the white and blueish glitters on his cheeks and under his eyes. The final touch was four little diamonds on his left cheek and a deep french kiss before backing off slowly. Tendou looked at the situation profoundly. The lines he could see around the two men were pink. They were dancing, leaving a beautiful blurry flow behind. He followed those lines until his eyes landed on Ushijima minding his own business. The latter looked in the mirror above his head and saw his new friend staring at him. They both blushed. This night was a long and interesting one. Quite Euphoric.

Multicolor lights were flickering, and the music was booming as the four men finally arrived at the big house. The hall led to a long, white corridor covered by a soft red velvet carpet and hanging along the walls, framed boards of abstract art. At the end of the hallway on the left, they found a spacious living room where a brown leather couch sat in front of a glass table and a gigantic Television. Blade runner played as people around were distracted by food, dancing, games, and alcohol. The kitchen was connected to the living room as it was behind it. Everything was white and made of marble, and the furniture was crystal clear. Someone could unquestionably use them as mirrors. A wall separated the two connected rooms and the next hallway that led to a set of wooden stairs. Astounded, Semi brought up the fact that Shirabu's house was exceptionally huge. The young man couldn't deny that he was the son of a wealthy businessman who travelled a lot, which allowed him to throw parties whenever he wanted to. Shirabu smirked at the three adults, suggesting to start the fun. "Let the party begin!" Tendou, Ushijima, and Semi observed Shirabu chugging the gin bottle he had left on the marbled kitchen counter. He grabbed a random man's hip and made him pivot before slapping his butt. Semi frowned as his cheeks reddened. However, he couldn't help but smile a bit, as it was a bit embarrassing to watch. Tendou bounced to the counter and seized a bottle of alcohol, but Ushijima took it away from him as quickly as possible. He implied that alcohol and acid don't go well together as it would make him extremely sick. Tendou, however, was still high, and the muscular man's words were visible. He wanted to eat them. He wanted to kiss the individual he met that same night. It was a feeling he had never felt before. But is he confusing friendship love with romantic love? Not to forget, he is high on hallucinogens. Everything is a wonderland to him at the moment. "Is this even real?" Tendou looked at Wakatoshi lovingly. He grabbed the bottle and drank it without caring about anything that could happen to his digestive system. Tendou's left arm rose as he raised his middle finger towards Wakatoshi with a grin on his light-toned face. His trembling lips were still drinking the gin. Wakatoshi glared at the arrogant fool who just acted like a delinquent teenager. The makeup on Tendou's skin was still glimmering, and it reflected into his eyes. The shorter man turned around and looked back at his new friend. "I gotta live my life to the fullest. Remember?".

Shirabu overheard the conversation as he walked towards Tendou . He put his hand on his back to push him in the direction of the bathroom. The washroom was humongous, with a bath that was already full. Not of water, but blue, white, purple, and pink glitters. Shirabu instructed Tendou to strip and dive in to relax with a bottle of baijiu. Tendou obeyed and pulled his shirt off, exposing his light-toned stomach and chest. As soon as he threw his shirt on the floor, Shirabu immediately lightly pushed his fingers on the pale man's torso. Tendou fell in slow motion, back first towards the glitter. The shimmers splashed everywhere onto Shirabu, who was pouring alcohol on Tendou's upper body. Leaning his head back, Tendou brought himself to situp as he stuck his tongue out for the liquid to fall into his mouth. He was tremendously lightweight, meaning he got drunk quickly. Shirabu then concluded that his drunk companion needed to be alone, so he drank the rest of the bottle and walked out of the restroom. After a while, Tendou tried to get up; everything was turning around him. Colours were following his movements, his vision was blurry, and the floor was floating. It was strange, a good and bad feeling at the same time. He was drunk and high on LSD, all at once. As he tried to leave the bathroom, he felt like he was walking on walls with the floor being the ceiling. He tried to locate Wakatoshi as he placed his arms in front of him to avoid bumping into something or someone. Suddenly a pair of arms grabbed him from behind. "Please... don't leave us."

Tendou raised his head fast, as he was confused by the voice telling him not to leave. He rotated his body to see who it was. Wakatoshi was standing there, staring at his intoxicated friend. The poor drunken man was baffled. But it didn't stop him from putting the palm of his shimmering hand on his companion's chest, as well as bringing his lips closer to that taller man's face. He slowly got on his toes, as his lips twisted into a wry smile, inching closer to Ushijima's  lips. Unbeknownst to them, Semi snuck up from behind and broke up the moment as he screamed from excitement. He wrapped his fingers around the two's wrists, pulling them out of the spot they were in. He then brought them into a dark room, lit with bright, green LED lights. "It's peaceful here, isn't it?" The red and blue lights were moving left to right and began to merge into a spiral. Semi and Tendou were rotating, letting their hair flow in the air. They were looking at the colour following them around as it became hazier from time to time. They stopped. The tall man glanced at his friend. Tendou saw his eyes shifting as he felt the need to apprise him of what he had in mind. "Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced." Ushijima continued to stare at his cheerful friend. "And what brings you to say that?" Tendou stopped turning and paused to look deep into Ushijima's eyes. "Once I live life to the fullest and be satisfied, I will escape this reality." A tear rolled down Ushijima's left eye as he informed his new friend he doesn't want him to leave his side. The joyous boy had a soft smirk showing on his face, implying that he won't go anywhere. Tendou observed his new friend. His vision started to get fuzzy, and his head began to spin a bit. The substances he consumed that night were starting to have their side effects. He passed out soon after that.

Tendou woke up, he found himself back in his room. He turned his head to his left and glanced at the clock hanging next to his bed. It read 11:38 A.M. Was all this a mere dream?

Chapter Text

[Flashback.]

September 5th, 2014.

Depression is like a big block of iron brick that pushes you to stay in one place. A room that makes you feel comfortable and makes you feel home and safe. You don't want to do anything on your days. It's a heavyweight that pulls you to a gloomy, dull place in your life. You don't want to bother anyone, and you don't want to be bothered. It is not the same as sadness, oh no. It's so difficult to explain depression to someone who's never been through that melancholy feeling. Sadness is to cry, not feel good after seeing or hearing about a tragedy, bad news, or watching a sad movie. Depression is that complete absence of feelings. You are not able to feel normal emotions anymore. Being depressed is to be fearless when it comes to death. But it's to be fearful of only living with yourself forever. People aren't afraid of dying. They're so scared of living. They're so scared they're not going to live their lives to the fullest that they're going to regret not reaching their goals. Because death itself is not that bad once you've grown older. If you have noticed before, every old person talks about "it's almost my time" or "I've lived a long life" like death was nothing to them. When a young individual brings up suicide, it's because they have no dreams, no plans, and nothing—just the void. Life told them they aren't worth living for a longer time. You can't just tell someone who has been through trauma to let it go or stop being sad. "It will pass." It's not how it works. Because what is going on in a depressed person's brain is constant guilt, a continuous feeling of failing at everything. The sensation of being worthless. That everyone would be better off without them. You're tired, 24/7. You stop going out, and you control the usual activities you enjoyed so much. You withdraw from your family, friends, and school.

And what causes depression? Family history, personal problems, trauma, severe medical conditions, and substance abuse are the leading causes. Tendou had known so many people who were depressed because of all the medications they had to take. Some people take anxiety pills or antidepressants, but it drives them to feel worse. The real medicine in life is to go out, find the beauty in this painful existence, and focus on positivity. It's to find a purpose in life. Because it's by staying forever in a bubble that you will fall deeper into the darkness, believe it or not, you are not born for nothing. You didn't ask to be put into this bizarre and crazy world, but you sure weren't conceived for nothing. No matter who makes you feel worthless, bad parents, evil siblings, racist fucks, homophobic pricks, intimidators, cruel teachers, etc. You'll always have that one particular person who will care for you. Because how wonderful is it that the same being who created sunsets, oceans, and galaxies thought the world needed one of you? How cool is it to even exist in such a tricky world to understand yet so beautiful to experience? Jumping off a bridge, shooting yourself, overdosing, or hanging yourself will do nothing but remove the opportunity of getting happy because it does get better.

It was 2015 and one of the worst years of Tendou's life. He didn't feel like going to school. He had practically no friends. Or more like he didn't put any effort into making any. Despite having the best year of his life in grade 11, Tendou still lacked social skills. He used to live in the countryside back then. Nothing but an Equestrian centre and a couple of rich neighbours were located. Wakatoshi and Tendou started getting closer after hanging out at that party last summer. Tendou often walked around the neighbourhood during the night since his parents blocked the wifi after eleven o'clock. Taking advantage of the firewood scent felt like he was at a campfire party next to the sea.

The sea... He missed going to the sea every single summer. He felt home there as the ocean spoke to him. It can be calm, but the waves can rage at any moment. The street lamps brightened the damped road, leaving an opaque luminosity through the darkness of the night. Everything was silent. Not even the wind made the leaves of the forest move. Stars could be seen everywhere in the inky sky, as the surroundings didn't have any buildings nor intense city lights—northern lights formed from time to time. The green dancing gleam shifted from right to left as it continued to move faster. The night was always Tendou's favourite part. It's the only time he felt alive and free. When he could dream and escape reality. While his cat purred in his ears and hair, Tendou used to fall asleep peacefully. Peacefully, diving in his warmest dreams. You live in a different world once you dream. It's incredibly dissimilar from the reality we all live in. Tendou always felt like he was happier asleep. That's probably why people love to take LSD, mushrooms, or MDMA so much. It sends them to hallucinate other dimensions that make them feel like life is more than just working, sleeping, and eating. It ultimately allows them to see it from a different perspective. It removes all types of anxiety.

Anxiety. Tendou developed that insupportable mental illness not long after—the sudden feeling of not being able to breathe. You could mind your own business, spend marvellous times with the people you love, and still have your heart racing like a motorcycle at the most random times. And then you start thinking that you're going to die—the fear of losing your life at an early age. Your back and your upper chest hurt, and every time you try to take the deepest breath, you can't seem to succeed. You think your heart will explode right out of your chest, and sometimes, you have to go to the hospital to calm down.

Tendou was alone at home when suddenly his brain sent an alarming message. That he was going to pass away and never come back. The teenager has never become comatose, but he sure felt like he would fall and never wake up. Tendou immediately dialled 911 and brought an ambulance to his house. The panic in him was decreasing once he knew nurses were coming to take care of his condition. It's funny how anxiety plays with your brain. It's like a little strategic prankster that leads you to think you're going to collapse and quit this world. Then when you fight it with reassurance, it goes away. The ambulance arrived, and the nurses were pleasant to talk with. The ride from Tendou's house to the hospital took around thirty-five minutes. He had to wait a couple of minutes before one of the workers called his name. Meanwhile, an odd patient shifted his eyes towards him before standing up to walk in his direction. Tendou avoided any eye contact as he didn't want any attention from him. He was wearing a ripped, dirty brown coat. It seemed like it was made of leather. His dark blue jeans were also ripped at the bottom, and his black boots smelled like old rubber. His teeth were yellow, and so were the tips of his fingers. The man sounded like he was smoking ten packs of cigarettes per day. It looked like the hat he was wearing was hiding his greasy grey hair. He sat in two chairs beside Tendou , hinting that he noticed how I was uncomfortable with the way he approached my personal space.

"I will die soon. Not because I want to, but because I didn't take care of myself enough. I let life crush me into pieces. We often see life as a difficult path to walk through. Life is simple, but society makes it seem very hard. The way I see it, you have to battle your way through and avoid the obstacles the world is throwing you. Life is like a video game. You have to survive."

Ok, who sent Tendou a homeless person as his guardian angel? And the way he spoke was astounding. He didn't look like he would speak so wisely. His philosophy astonished the boy's curiosity, though. He wanted to hear more about what this older man, full of sorrow, was expressing. What a bizarre way of approaching a stranger. The first thing you hear is, "I will die soon." How frightening. He left soon after his little talk, and the nurse called Tendou's name. She mentioned that he shouldn't worry and that he shouldn't have called the ambulance because it would cost him an arm. The way she explained how anxious people react the same made him feel better. Most people can't control this intolerable nervousness most of the time. And that is entirely normal. There is nothing wrong with that.

Once Tendou left the building, Wakatoshi texted him to see if he could sleep over at his place. Ushijima Wakatoshi. What a wonderful young man he was. Every time Tendou saw his face, his heart beats increased. It was an utterly different sensation than when his panic attacks occurred. The young man's face instantly turned red whenever that Ushijima guy came near him. He was one of the few friends he's ever had in high school. Once at his house, they usually played pillow fight, watched horror movies, and baked some cookies that generally came out overcooked. His parents weren't aware of their relationship. Well, it's not like they were officially together. This society and the way it sees the love between people of the same gender as abnormal sickened the depressed teenager. How are two women and two men different from a woman and a man loving each other? Except for the fact that they can't reproduce, there's nothing else. Love is love. It's not a choice because "men are trash. Women are way nicer and better to understand" nor an option because "I can't get any woman. I'm a loser. I'll choose to fuck men instead". It's the heart that wants what it wants. Do you think we would choose to like the same gender when we know we would get bullied or even killed in 60% of the counties around the world? Men saying girls didn't experience "good dick", and that is why they switched to licking vaginas. Some of them had sex with all types of men, sucked every shape of penises, and slept around with all the ethnicities of the world, and they still prefer tacos over eggplants. And for you, religious people, you may think it's a sin. But let them gays live their lives. It doesn't affect yours. Didn't God say love your neighbour as yourself? Move on, we are not in the 1900's anymore. That was Tendou's mindset. He always thought racist, sexist and homophobic people weren't happy. How can you understand the differences when you can't understand yourself in the first place? How can you accept someone else's happiness if you can't get yours?

"What is the point of hating on individuals that mind their businesses? So what if some men wear makeup? Or when a woman wears a suit. It's a piece of clothing. Do some people really get offended by fabrics? Did you know that high heels were invented for men in the first place, and they often wore crop tops in the '80s? We should follow Greek mythology and Buddhism a bit more when it comes to homosexuality." Said the redhead boy to Ushijima.

Ushijima nodded and started dancing with Tendou to atmospheric, alternative songs under his blue lights. He loved to push Tendou on his king bed and climb on top of me. Reaching his shorts' right pocket, grabbing a tiny jar of glitters, he caressed his naked upper body before opening the sparkling pink pot. Tendou placed his cold hands on Wakatoshi's stomach and began to rub it. He wanted to grasp his friend's hips and powerfully bring his lips against his. But Wakatoshi's fingers touched Tendou's left cheek, and he started dragging his thumb under Tendou's eye with delicacy. He then pulled out a mini brush and dipped it in the glitter to lay it out on Tendou's pale cheeks. Some fell on his neck, but it added to the aesthetic aspect. Ushijima pulled out a pasty purple pencil, removed the lid, and smoothly drew on his friend's face. It tickled. But it felt good as the pencil danced on his skin. A small smile appeared on Ushijima's gorgeous face, and he finally decided to approach his lips. He smelled like strawberry. His black shiny hair caressed Tendou's arms when his face came closer. They deeply kissed. The jar of sparkles fell on Tendou's breast, spreading the glimmers all over him. Ushijima had no shirt on. His nude figure massaged Tendou'sbody as the flickering makeup was rubbing between their upper bodies. They were kissing passionately; their tongues were fighting for supremacy. His fragile fingers stroked each of Tendou's arms to join his shivering fingers. The taller boy grabbed Tendou's hands and dragged both of his arms so they could meet above his head. Moaning in the kiss, Wakatoshi slid his tongue on his neck to bite it. And then you know the rest.

It was 1 A.M. The two teenagers were relaxing beside the muscular gent's opened window, talking about life. Wakatoshi was the only one who loosened Tendou up. The frail boy fell in love with him. And he did as well. His dark green eyes hypnotised Tendou every single time. With someone so special in your life, you don't feel like you're depressed. Those people are like drugs. You need them to feel better. It's practically a toxic way to see things like that. Either way, Wakatoshi was an angel that changed the way Tendou reflected love. He liked holding him tight in his arms while they fell asleep. Wakatoshi was usually worn out before Tendou. The latter always had to overthink before shutting his eyes.

A couple of days later, in school, Tendou saw Wakatoshi with a girl. The poor teenager was sometimes going to school despite his lack of motivation that grew stronger over the years. His heart dropped when he saw them kiss. It's not like they were dating. Tendou sometimes thought Wakatoshi couldn't tackle the fact that he was bisexual. Internalised homophobia is the worst. Or sometimes, the people we cherish the most don't like us back. And it's the harsh reality. It's an atrocious feeling that hurts the heart. You feel the blood rapidly flowing down your chest, and it creates a distressing sensation inside. It's easy to say, "there are plenty of other people on earth, you are still young, and you will meet someone who loves you for who you are. Patience is key". But once you move on by going out and spending time with your friends and family, that saying makes more sense, and it doesn't get any closer to the truth. Tendou didn't respect that quote, though... It took him months to recover. He completely stopped going to school, and his thoughts dived into a deep emptiness. He didn't have the guts to tell his family he lost the boy he fell in love with without fear. He didn't want them to not accept him anymore. Not like they were accepting him in the first place anyways. So he kept inventing dumb lies to excuse his behavior. All he did was watch anime daily. He often whined about the sad life he had in high school, though he knows many other kids had it way worse. Tendou knew a teacher who had a student who directly came from Africa. He had PTSD caused by the assassination of his parents. They were killed before his shivering, wet eyes. He was devoured by depression and had an excellent reason not to be able to concentrate in school. Tendou pitied him. He always wondered why the world could be so immoral and wrong. But then he saw the boy's smile; he saw how life could get better no matter how long and how much people suffered. Tendou's last year of high school was somewhat tranquil and burdensome at the same time. But at least he tried to avoid the obstacles life tried to hurl at him like that older man mentioned. Breakups and heartbreaks will happen. Fake people are always around the corner, so we ought to be careful and be attentive to who we meet. But keep in mind that no matter what happens in your life, get back up. You need to get back on your feet and defeat what pulls you down. Because it's only with confidence and positivity that you will eventually see a purpose again.

Chapter Text

[Back to present time.]

July 20th, 2019

Tendou weakly attempted to sit up on his bed. His legs were feeble as his unfocused vision slowly started to become clear anew. The frail adult put his right hand on his forehead, rubbing it delicately. He decided to shower, but as soon as the latter stood up, dizziness took over his body. He concluded that last night wasn't a dream, as he felt his naked, glittery chest. A smile and blush appeared on his face as he was relieved that he met Wakatoshi. "I need to see him again." He gradually sauntered in the direction of the bathroom to the right of his room. As he placed his hand on the handle, he twisted it, but it took the adult several times to open the wooden bathroom door. He turned on the light and stared at himself in the mirror. He still had all the glitter, and makeup stuck on his pastel skin. The colored powder and shimmers had melted. His face looked like it was beaten. He reached for the shower handle and rotated it, letting the cold water flow on his nape. As the young man languidly turned his head of wet hair, he peered at the light switch. Tendou proceeded to turn it off before setting foot in the chilly shower, with pants on. Lifting his head, the water on his face started to clean his body. His makeup rolled down his skin, making it look like he was crying sparkly blood. The bottom of the bath twinkled. The 6'2 man opened his mouth to allow some glitter in. He then closed his mouth and casually spat the shimmering liquid, running down his pointy chin. His hair blocked his view, as his eyes were still half-opened. Unbothered by the hair and water around his eyes, Tendou stared at the water drops falling in his direction. He was lost in his thoughts. Wakatoshi was on his mind. Unable to stand anymore, he leaned to lay down in the bathtub to try and relax. He allowed his arms to extend on each side of the borders. Without doing it on purpose, the incapacitated man clogged the shower drain. Tendou closed his eyes, but the water raised gradually. He fell asleep in the bath, with the water level elevating until it reached his nose.

Semi opened the door, walking to the toilet as he was about to use the bathroom. Luckily, he saw his roommate about to drown. He had a good vision. He could easily see in the dark. He pulled his sick friend out of the cold liquid and yelled out his name. "Hey! Tendou, what the hell!?" Tendou coughed up water from his nose and grasped the grey-haired man's shirt, suffocating. He didn't understand what just happened, as he felt too weak to respond and think about the situation. Semi helped him out of the tub to recover, giving Tendou a towel and a pair of pyjama pants. Tendou's right arm was around Semi's nape as the latter held his left hip to avoid his roommate to fall. Dragging him to the kitchen, Semi sat his weak friend on a stool. He was visibly hungover. "My poor friend, you were so wasted last night. You must not remember anything."

Semi was right. All Tendou could recall was meeting Wakatoshi and the fact that he almost placed his thin, soft lips on his. Everything blurred out with colourful waves surrounding different gloomy rooms. The trembling boy lazily looked up and met Semi's doleful face. "I can't get addicted to that paper thing you gave me last night, right?"

"You can only be addicted to the feeling of it. But it's not like any other harder drugs out there. So don't worry." Semi explained, trying to reassure his roommate before asking if he enjoyed the feeling. Then he asked if he would retry the tabs. To which Tendou responded that he would rather not try it again in a million years, even though the feeling was incredible. Semi chuckled and pointed out that the alcohol he drank was a silly idea. He should never have mixed it with the acid.

A sudden ache sprang up in Tendou's head. He brought Wakatoshi to the conversation, informing the mocking adult that he missed him. Semi put the palm of his hand on Tendou's right shoulder, cheering him up. He stood up and walked over to the fridge, and grabbed a bottle of water before pouring some in a glass. He handed it to his roommate. Tendou drank it all in one sip, then let his head drop on the counter. He groaned as his fingers formed a fist. He wanted to meet Ushijima again. The tall and muscular man was the only one who could make him feel special. Tendou decided that he needed to go to the grocery store and buy some fruit for a potential energy boost. His roommate, however, hesitated and wanted to go instead of him. Or at least go with him. Tendou denied the invitation as he stumbled back to his room to put some clothes on.

[Timeskip to the store.]

Whilst at the store, Tendou looked around hoping he would bump into his dear new friend. Instead,  a middle-aged man collided with him, causing the poor man to drop all the fruits he had in his basket. The man glared at Tendou as if it was entirely his fault that he bumped into him. Tendou's mental fortitude was much lower than usual, as he did not want to get into any disputes, or he would most likely burst into tears. He leaned over to pick up what fell on the floor, but the cruel man held onto his arm. That caused the orange he had to slip out. Sighing, he noticed that he was too weak to fight back. Apologising, he quickly walked to the register and bought what was left in the basket. Which unfortunately was not a lot since he was too weak to pick up the rest.

Leaving the store, he spotted his bullies lurking in the parking lot. "Ah, shit... not now, please." To his non-existent surprise, the odious boys found Tendou and decided to have a little bit of "fun" with him. They approached the saddened adult and started throwing random branches they found on the ground. They started running after him. However, Tendou's legs would not obey his brain. He was stuck. Accepting his fate, he just looked up at the sky, and tears rolled down his rosy cheeks. One of the repugnant adults shoved Tendou, causing the sorrowful man to hit the ground hard. Powerless, the dejected boy let the tyrants kick him around as they knocked him down. A couple of seconds passed, and Tendou was left on the gravel with a bloody nose and forehead. Blood travelled down his chin, passing by his mouth, which allowed him to taste the iron flavoured red liquid. The fruit he bought laid smashed on the ground. Thinking of Wakatoshi, Tendou believed that he would never meet him again. The beaten man was certain that he never could be happy. "Why can't I have nice things like everyone else? Why can't I be happy and have a good life, like everyone else..?" The rain started pouring on his abused figure as he closed his eyes, trying to rest.

"Hey buddy, are you ok?" Tendou casually opened his left eye before completely lifting the opposite eyelid. He saw a dark brown-haired boy, blocking the sunlight that was hitting his ghostly skin. The anaemic man tried to get up but had difficulties moving his arms and legs. A hand reached out for him as he clutched the man's wrist, pulling up to give himself a boost and get on his feet. Tendou's trembling body could hardly stand up. As the man noticed, he couldn't help but to share one of the apples he just bought with the sick young adult. Giving Tendou a faint smile, he introduced himself. "My name is Hayato. And you?"

Tendou weakly stated his name. He couldn't speak, and he felt pain whenever he opened his mouth. "Why do you let yourself get into trouble like that? I mean, I don't know you, but I already pity you. No offence". Tendou stayed silent, glancing at Hayato from time to time. The brown- haired boy usually didn't appreciate dull people. It frustrated him as he wanted to shape individuals as more robust and more secure people. Tendou attempted to bite into the apple, but it was obvious he could not chew normally. Sighing, Hayato took the fruit and pulled out a dagger to cut the rounded red food. Tendou smiled with wide, open eyes. Bringing his hand, which was holding the apple slice, towards the boy, Hayato grinned and tried not to laugh from embarrassment. The debilitated man opened his mouth a little bit and sucked on the apple. This is all he could bring himself to do. Hayato quickly removed his hand, disgusted by Tendou's action. Stating that he doesn't swing that way in a joking manner.

The little juice that Tendou tasted was enough to give him a bit more energy. He finally had enough strength to say his full name and affirmed that he was hungover, to which Hayato convulsed with laughter. The latter informed Tendou that he had to go to work, so he gave him his phone number and made sure to tell him to text him the next time people tried to harass him again. He gave Tendou another apple and left towards his destination. Confused, Tendou let Hayato go while observing him walk away. What an interesting acquaintance.

Once the puzzled boy safely made it back home, Semi wondered what took him so long. As soon as he walked inside, he examined his roommate's wounds and immediately rose to his feet, sprinting towards him. "Yo, WHAT THE HELL?!" Tendou just stared at Semi with a smile, placing the apple Hayato gave him in his friend's hands. He then turned around and walked towards his room. Semi astonishingly looked at the situation, not knowing what to say.

The next morning, Tendou felt much better after getting something to eat and taking a nap afterward. Laying in bed, he looked up the window and noticed the stars shining above the city. He desired Ushijima's company. A soft sigh escaped his mouth, blowing out a strand of hair lying on his forehead. The young adult placed both of his arms behind his head and was about to close his eyes when he began to daydream. Ushijima came up within Tendou's mind, causing a sudden urge to go outside and find him. He bounced out of bed and sprinted to the front door. When he arrived at the door, he looked around to check if Semi was there. Once confirmed, he slowly opened the door and closed it softly behind him.

Tendou was strolling along a nearby park, kicking small pebbles around. Accidently, he kicked a rounded grey rock further than expected as it slightly hit someone's shoe. The boy raised his head, noticing his friend. Tendou stood still, gazing at the approaching green-eyed man lightly smirking before he decided to sprint towards him. He threw himself on top, giving him the tightest hug he has ever offered before. Relieved that Ushijima existed, Tendou could not stop the tears from rolling down his face. Ushijima swiftly reacted as he gently wrapped his arms around the crying man. The embrace lasted for a few seconds before Tendou slowly backed away, staying close to his friend's face. Tendou gradually lifted his left arm to gently caress Ushijima's right cheek as he brushed his other hand against his chest. The infatuated boy stared into Ushijima's eyes with intensity while giving him a little smile.

"Never leave me again, please... you're the best thing that ever happened to me. If I ever lose you, I don't know what I would do anymore." Wakatoshi nodded and moved Tendou's chin between his thumb and index finger before informing him that he would never do anything to hurt him. Tendou leaned for a kiss, but Wakatoshi backed off as he took the man's hand instead. He wanted to show him the park that he mentioned yesterday. Tendou was surprised but relaxed as they started to walk. An incredible garden with blue and red roses appeared in their visions. It smelled like heaven. This scent would remind Tendou of Wakatoshi every time he walked by. The stronger man pulled Tendou's arm so his body could land against his. As he lifted his arm, hand in hand, Wakatoshi moved his palm on top of his friend's back. It looked like the pair was starting to slow dance. Wakatoshi leaned and kissed Tendou passionately. His tongue explored the thinner man's mouth as they cuddled, exchanging an ardent french kiss. Both of them slightly smiled in the kiss and as they fell on the wet grass below. Tendou fell gracefully onto Wakatoshi's torso, as they both laughed. The red-haired boy balanced himself on the ground, laying down on his back. He adjusted his head to look up at his friend, examining his face. "You're fucking magnificent, Ushi." The man blushed as he heard those words. They sought his soul. He remained silent as he approached Tendou in an attempt to kiss his forehead. He unmistakably was the only one who was able to make Tendou cheerful. Whenever they meet, the lonely boy's heart could not help but beat faster than usual. Even only thinking about the tall, sturdy man, Tendou's cheeks blushed as bright as a tomato. The two lingered on the cold turf as their conversation continued. Both of them stated that the stars were visible, as they wished to touch them. It was a merry night, till sudden deep thoughts travelled through Tendou's mind.

"Say, Ushi, why do we have to suffer?"

"Well, life is a game that you have to win. There will be obstacles that you have to avoid. But with some, you'll have to fight and be strong. Life isn't easy. Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations."

"Isn't the purpose of our lives to be happy?"

"The way I see it, if you want your life to be all sunshine and rainbows, you'll have to put up with the rain."

Tendou didn't respond. He just looked up at the inky sky, thinking of an idea as an excuse to spend more time with Wakatoshi. He stood up and spun around, letting the fresh breeze blow on his skin. He whirled and whirled until he felt dizzy, as he was about to collapse. Everything looked fuzzy. Wakatoshi caught him before he fell on the flower field, mentioning to be careful as they aren't allowed to touch the flower blossoms. Tendou giggled. Ushijima didn't know how good he made him feel. For the first time in his life, Tendou had someone he could trust.

"We are just people with problems."

"Tendou. Are you under the influence again?"

"No, just drunk on love."

Ushijima smiled in relief as he brought up the idea of going on the Ferries wheel not too far in the distance. The pair stood up as they began to walk towards the wheel, hand in hand. During their leisure stroll, Ushijima brought up the other night, explaining what happened to him after he fainted in the LED lights room, laughing at the situation. All that could be heard was their joyful crackling. When they arrived at the wheel, Ushijima took out his wallet and paid the teller that activated the ride. The latter opened the door for his friend, and they entered the Ferris wheel, hand in hand. As they sat down, their fingers brushed together. Tendou leaned onto Ushijima and rested his head on the man's shoulder, closing his eyes. "If this is escaping reality, I want this forever~." Ushijima didn't reply. He looked in front of him as the wheel began to move. He looked back at Tendou who dozed off on his shoulder. As he slept, Ushijima examined his resting face while he stroked the sleeping boy's cold cheeks. He kissed his head. When Tendou finally fell asleep, Wakatoshi finally answered. "Just don't leave... stay." The taller man felt tired, gradually closing his heavy eyes. The wheel stopped spinning as they reached the top, their resting faces illuminated by the sunset. Thirty minutes passed and Wakatoshi woke up from his slumber. They were now reaching the bottom of the wheel. He lightly shook Tendou to wake him up. Tendou moaned for a bit as he lifted his head, drooling on his friend's arm. Wakatoshi informed his companion that it was getting late and it would be better for him to go back home before Semi finds out and gets upset. Tendou reluctantly agreed after giving a small pout. He didn't want to leave Wakatoshi as they only hung out for two hours. But he had school tomorrow, and since he took today off to rest from the wild adventure last night, he had to go. The pair got up and started walking towards his house.

As he arrived home, Tendou climbed the stairs before turning around. He waved goodnight. Wakatoshi blew a kiss, and Tendou caught it. As he was about to go inside, Semi opened the door. Nervous about his reaction to him coming back late two days in a row, Tendou apologised right away. For once, the roommate didn't mind as he trusted Wakatoshi. He softly grinned instead, tightly holding him in his arms. One thing was still bothering Semi though. Tendou didn't respond to any of his text messages. "Oh, that. I will have to buy a new phone tomorrow after uni. It broke while I was running yesterday." The boy felt guilty about informing his roommate about the incident. Semi asked him if he wanted to sit down on the couch. Tendou slightly glared at his friend before responding.

"I ain't-"

"No-"

"-doing this-"

"Tendou, I just wanna watch a movie, haha!" Tendou laughed. Relieved, he kindly refused as he was exhausted. Walking towards the bedroom, the worn-out fellow thought of Wakatoshi's lips on his. He smiled, glad that he finally got a close friend.

Chapter Text

[Flashback.]

June 30th, 2015.

Most beautiful things in this world cannot be seen or heard but instead must be felt with the heart. Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit. The best things in life are each other. It's better to have been loved and lost than never to have been loved at all. Tendou was alone, sitting on a bench during a party held by his classmates. The young man had a drink in hand, observing the surrounding area while hoping that his best friend would show up soon. Nearby, teenagers were heard playing beer pong to his left, and to the right, a few girls were playing suck and blow. Tendou sighed, imagining Wakatoshi. After graduation, the boys had the urge to throw a gathering to take advantage of the moment as a chance to see each other one last time. All Tendou was doing, though, was eating chocolate filled with rum and popped 200mg of an ecstasy pill. These two mixed well together as he put a piece of chocolate in his glass, then picked it up a couple of seconds later and sucked on it. As he stood up, everything went blurry. Disoriented, he brought his hands to his eyes as he rubbed them to regain his vision. Nothing else could be done as he was tipsy. Tendou started to move, losing his balance from time to time. Weakly, he held his glass that was slipping out, as it hung on between his right index and middle fingers. One small step seemed too heavy for the young man as he passed the threshold and let his weight push open the door. His eyes faced the ground as he slowly raised his head and noticed the pool. The beautiful shining water seemed to be enticing enough for a quick dip, so he marched over to it. The glass he held fell out of his hand, but that didn't bother him too much. As Tendou drunkenly strolled to the pool, people stared at him, wondering what he was doing. Meanwhile, Ushijima had just arrived. Semi stepped up to greet him and offered a glass of wine. He graciously refused, as he doesn't drink alcohol. Suddenly, in the corner of his eyes, he saw Tendou balancing himself at the edge of the pool. It took him a second to rush towards the swimming pool, in an attempt to try and catch his close friend before he could slip. As Ushijima's arms grabbed onto the frail man, they both fell into the water. Underwater, Tendou gradually opened his eyes. The moment he saw the man, he smiled. They hugged each other as they stared into each other's eyes. As they were floating, Ushijima Tendou that he should go inside to dry up.

Once inside, he realised that Tendou was under the influence of MDMA. As Tendou entered the room after he changed, Ushijima's face had an astonished expression as he noticed his wet, mid-long hair. Tendou's weak smile made him want to hug him. He approached his friend, but the latter pushed him onto the bed. Smirking, Tendou climbed on top and took out some sparkling green makeup pencil that he stole from the bathroom. Ushijima was confused, but he put his hands on Tendou's back, bringing his body closer. Tendou uncorked the pencil and began drawing underneath Ushijima's eyes. The pencil lead caressed his cheeks. Despite Tendou's condition, his hands handled moving the pencil lead smoothly, and it felt satisfying to the touch. This nearly made Ushijima fall asleep. "You look amazing..." As the buff man heard his friend's words, he chuckled softly. Without letting Tendou question his giggling, he put his hands on his companion's head. He slowly pushed himself towards each other so their foreheads could connect. Smiling at Tendou, Ushijima replied to his funny remark. "Not as pretty as you, Tendou."

This was when Tendou knew there was no pity in life. The sad part is, he knew he could never be with his bestfriend. Depressed, he started to cry, burying his face into Ushijima's chest. Both tightly embraced each other, as Tendou kept sobbing louder, shedding tears onto the tall man's torso. It was hard to admit for the shy man that he loved Ushijima more than he loved himself. That he hated everything about himself, but he fell so hard for his best friend. Unfortunately, Ushijima came from a cruel household that ruined his happiness most of the time. He felt alone. The truth is, you are never alone. Happiness is a choice, you create your own. Because there are good things that can happen, if we focus on those moments that depression is trying to take away from us, we will find happiness.

Chapter Text

[Tendou's POV (flashback)]

I was never popular in school. Most kids stared at me like I was a scary animal. Their glares felt like it was freezing the blood in my veins... I despised it. When a kid pushed me, others joined in, starting a one-sided battle. I usually laid on the cold, hard floor, letting myself get beaten. Oh well, I wasn't born to have good looks anyway. We often say: don't judge a book by its cover. Let me tell you. It's not a saying people often respect. Even my professors seemed too afraid to help me sometimes, and they get paid for that. I even have to cut my hair into a bowl cut to look less intimidating. Instead of intimidating, they mocked me. It didn't change the fact that my big eyes stabbed their souls every time I looked at them.

One day after school, I was walking the 2 kilometers needed to get home. My parents felt that it was too embarrassing to be seen with me in public. They knew I wasn't loved in school. Some of the mean kids I noticed followed me home. Grabbing pieces of broken glass found on the sidewalk, they used that to slice my arm. When I arrived home after they let me go, my dad scolded me. He kept telling me I wasn't his son and that I would end up having to live alone when I start high school. My mom? She was a drunk, as she drinks all the time. I never had a good relationship with my parents. I'm an only child, I have no friends, and I have parents who loath me. My only friend was mister bear. A plush I found in a big dumpster when I thought I lost my parents. It turned out it was them trying to abandon me when I was five until the police found me and asked me who my parents were. When I arrived home that night, it wasn't a hug that awaited me, but a freezing basement, my father locked me in whenever I "wasn't behaving well." I wasn't eating, nor was I drinking for whole days sometimes. This hell lasted till I reached high school.

My parents then finally disowned me. Since then, I've been waiting impatiently for that moment. Even if people in school were still trying to get on my nerves and disrespect me, I kept a big smile on my face as I was happier than ever. Sad, isn't it? When you're content that your own family abandons you. I know some people can relate to me. I can't be the only one who is the black sheep of the family. This is how I try to remain strong. I know a lot of others who are in the same boat as me. And we are all fighting this battle.

[End of Tendou's POV (end of flashback)]

Tendou just bought his new phone as he exited the store. Slipping his hands into his pocket, the young fellow contemplated the blue sky. It's been a while, and it hasn't rained in his city for some time. The weather was nice, nice enough to hang out all day under the warm sunshine. Inspecting the area around him, Satori noticed two kids bullying a little girl. Fed up with the attitude of the children, he sprinted towards them to stop their harassment. The two intimidators didn't have time to fight back as they were afraid of Tendou's reaction to their cruel action. The little girl observed the red-haired man, hesitating to thank him as he seemed a bit scary to her. She ran away instead.

Tendou didn't mind; however, he smiled as he reached into his pocket for his phone. He noticed a piece of paper that was lying in his pocket. The phone number Hayato gave him yesterday was still there. It reminded the young man that he could contact the brown spikey-haired boy. He brought his phone next to his chest and dialed the number.

"Hello? this is Tendou. What were you saying yesterday about the next time I see anyone being violent?"

After they met, Tendou and Hayato briskly walked to the latter's house as the sunshine hit their backs, causing them to sweat profusely. Their shirts were soaked with sweat, but what the red-eyed fellow didn't know is that he was about to be perspired. As they passed Hayato's lawn towards the front door, Tendou felt chaotic energy coming from his new acquaintance. Entering the house, the living room was already visible. Countless empty beer bottles and crushed coca-cola cans could be seen scattered around on the floor. A mini TV was stationed on top of a small wooden table. The red-haired boy couldn't believe that the kitchen seemed like as it was behind a half-broken wooden door next to a ripped sofa. It smelled like rotten, wet wood. 

Hayato placed a finger on Satori's back and gently led him toward the basement where there was a hidden boxing room. After every step, it seemed like the stairs were cracking beneath them. Hayato's room was located in the cold basement, where he had a nice 4K TV, microwave, and a couple of musical instruments. Such as a piano and a guitar. Furthermore, there was a metallic door that caught Tendou's interest. As he smirked, the spikey brown-haired took small steps, one at a time, towards the door. As he opened it, the Satori could see many boxing bag stands and a boxing mattress. Grabbing ahold of Tendou's wrist, Hayato pulled him towards one of the bag stands as he gave him a pair of boxing gloves. He backed off and pretended to be one of the frail man's bullies. Satori was confused at first, as Hayato groaned in despair. The latter placed each of the puzzled man's hands in the gloves. He softly sighed, closing his eyes. Only one glare from the brown-eyed fellow made Tendou understand.

As Hayato continued to shout to get Tendou to activate his inner monster, the latter hit him multiple times. But his hit was very soft and weak. Hayato's patience reached his limits as he pushed Satori violently on the floor, causing the red-haired man to hit his head hard so hard that a drop of blood rolled down his forehead and nose. Tendou weakly tried to get up, desperately trying to give himself a boost. As he gradually lifted his head trembling from the soreness, the damaged boy glared at the man, who shoved him, with one eye half-opened. He rushed to the spiky-haired man as quickly as he could, but the Hayato sidestepped, causing Tendou to fall anew on the floor. Hayato grinned in an attempt to trigger Satori's anger. He noticed the man didn't move.

"BRING IT OOOOOOOOOON!"

Tendou's exasperation took a wrong turn, as he swiftly turned around and rushed towards Hayato to hit him. The spiky-haired adult then moved his head left and right to avoid Tendou's punches as a response, insulting him as he dodged. Flashbacks of Ushijima saying we have to fight and put up with the rain before getting a rainbow life flashed in Satori's head. His hands were moving much faster, and Hayato couldn't follow the indignant boy's movements anymore. The man got out of that difficult situation by ducking to escape Tendou's punches, rolling on the floor. He caught his breath before yelling anew.

"IS THIS IS ALL YOU GOT?! YOU'RE WEAK!"

Tendou paused, having to catch his breath as his opponent walked towards the counter next to the mattress. He grabbed the water bottle that he uncorked.

"remove your shirt."

"huh?"

"REMOVE YOUR SHIRT!"

Tendou, startled, immediately obeyed, discarding his damp shirt. As soon as his chest was exposed, Hayato splashed freezing water on his torso. A squeaky scream escaped his throat as the brown-eyed man pulled him to a training bag, telling him to practice his punches. Tendou nodded and started to punch again, again and again softly.

"SHOW THEM WHAT YOU'RE CAPABLE OF!

Tendou punched faster, faster, and quicker.

"THEY ALL DISRESPECTED YOU!"

Tendou punched harder, harder, and harder.

"THEY FREAKING TREATED YOU LIKE A DOG! THEY USED YOU AS A PUNCHING BAG!"

Tendou had all sorts of flashbacks of his parents hitting, slapping, and spitting on him. He remembered every boy and girl laughing at his hair and humiliating him in front of the whole class. Talking behind his back as the teachers observed, and didn't do anything to stop them.

"BUNCH OF F*CKIN' JERKS, I'LL GET YOU NEXT TIME! I'M A HUMAN BEING TOO. I EXIST FOR A REASON. LEAVE ME ALONE!"

The red-eyed angry man astonished Hayato as he threw his final, most powerful hit to the bag, flinging it on the other side of the room. The staggered boy had his eyes wide opened and curved his lips into a tiny smile. Excited, he informed Tendou that if he can muster this type of energy against his intimidators, he'd have the mentality to confront them. From now on, Hayato wants Satori to think of what just happened in this room whenever he gets ambushed, to boost his confidence. The red-eyed man, exhausted, let himself fall on the floor, back first, as he extended his arms. He smiled as he transpired, hardly being able to breathe. The latter's damped hair was tangled as it hid most of his face. Both men were looking at each other with a grin.

Tendou and his new friend stepped outside, taking a walk and breathing the fresh evening breeze, holding different flavored slushies in their hands. Tendou had a cherry-flavored one, and Hayato had a grape one. It was refreshing as the two gentlemen were fatigued from their workout. As they laughed, they began to talk about random things. Tendou was walking faster than the brown-haired fellow. He turned around to see if he was following him, Hayato disappeared. To his surprise, his surroundings completely vanished. Only nature surrounded the bewildered man. As he continued to keep walking, Tendou thought about Ushijima. That same man appeared before the confused boy's eyes whenever he was alone like an angel coming from the sky. A silence occurred before Tendou offered his drink, reaching out his hands for the taller man with a wide smile.

"Want some slushie?"

Chapter Text

Our two lovers relaxed sitting on a nearby bench, looking at the stars and savoring their taste buds with the frozen flavored water. The illuminated merry-go-round shined on their skin as music followed the rotating movement of the carousel. They stayed silent until Tendou broke the silence by suggesting to go on the ride. It was an excellent idea as the couple galloped towards the toy horses, laughing. Once on firmly set, silence returned as they could only hear air gusting through the orange and yellow leaves. Strong hands wrapped around the bars, muscular thighs against the fake animal, Wakatoshi keenly observed his companion. "Satori, remember when I asked if you ever wanted to escape reality?" Tendou looked in front of him before responding to the green-haired man's question. "Of course, I think about it every second."

"Yesterday, I had a dream that you left. That your dream of escaping this reality came true; you fulfilled it as you lived your life to the fullest." The quiet night continued, as the young adult didn't reply. The cold and scammy hand the red-eyed fellow wrapped around the carousel horse's neck, slowly brushing against the shining toy in the direction of his thighs. Lifting his head to contemplate the evening sky, the boy took the deepest breath he has ever taken before yelling out! "Let's escape together now!". Ushijima glanced at the man he fell in love with, uncertainty covering his face. Satori slightly turned his head to his left to see his facial expression. "Let's leave this city, let's go on adventures until the day death separates us. Let's live our lives together, and only the two of us, forever." Wakatoshi watched on as Tendou's confidence was attractive to the man. He just observed the enthusiastic man with such astonishment in his eyes that he could not think of another word to say other than "ok''. The redhead turned his head anew to study the pitch dark sky and smiled.

"When I was high, I could see everything from another perspective. I felt like I could solve all of my problems, thanks to the dots Semi gave me. That yellow sunshine both destroyed and made my psychology better". The buff gentleman softly glared at Tendou. He was worried about how joyful the latter sounded talking about the drug. Satori informed him that he wouldn't touch acid anymore. That he had him, Ushijima, by his side. He was sure that their love could solve all of his problems. The avid man jumped off the moving horse and climbed on top of his friend's horse, face to face. He now sat in front of the taller man, looking at him with intense eyes before placing a soft kiss on his left cheek. This was followed by Wakatoshi's tongue entering Tendou's mouth. Satori's adorable peck quickly turned into a slow, passionate kiss. Both of their hand caressing each other's faces as the merry-go-round kept turning. After a few minutes of cuddling, they both pulled away, touching each other's foreheads. Ushijima mentioned that he could steal a pickup truck from his dad. This way, they could fit realistically more stuff inside. Content, both get off, hand in hand, running jointly towards the taller man's house.

Once at the house, Ushijima informed Tendou to stay in the back and hide while he looked for the truck keys. He obeyed and calmly stayed put where his lover told him to. After a couple of minutes, Wakatoshi appeared from the corner of Tendou's eyes. Excited, the man bounced out of his spot and joined Ushijima as they both got in the car. Before they could go any further, they had to stop by Satori's place to pick up some necessary matters. Tendou carefully opened the front door, walking through the hall, glancing around. It wasn't too late. Semi wasn't home yet. Pulling the new phone out of his pocket, he glanced at his text messages. Semi texted him that he was going out to buy some groceries.

Semi:
-Hey! I'm about to buy those ramen and chocolate ice cream you adore so much! We can have a horror movie night since it's spooktober. I'd like to spend some quality time with my non-blood-related brother-

Tendou replied with a smiley face. He thought about leaving a note as he went to grab a piece of paper in one of the kitchen drawers. Tendou left both the note and phone on the kitchen table so Semi would see it when he got home.  He walked into the bathroom, grabbed his toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, soap, and hairbrush. When he got to his room, he grabbed a gym bag and put a bunch of random clothes inside. Before leaving his room, he took one last look before crossing the threshold. Softly smiling, he was satisfied with the time he spent there. Walking towards the exit, he felt a sense of melancholia. Closing the door behind him, he sprinted towards Wakatoshi's truck. Ushijima asked if he was alright, to which the saddened man responded;
"I'm great, let's go~". A couple of minutes passed, and the two lovers were already in the countryside—a road trip to an unknown destination. Tendou sat down near the open back of the pickup, and lied down on his back. His head was upside down, looking at the road behind him. The upside-down view of the landscape behind the car was illuminated by a beautiful orange sunlight. The burning wood scent was pleasing to Satori as he thought about the way he abandoned Semi. Meanwhile, when the latter entered his house and called for Tendou, he perceived the note left on the table. After putting down the grocery bags, he picked up the piece of paper and started reading.

|The past year has been a blessing, thanks to you. You are the brother I never had, the family I deserved, and overall, a good friend. I'm leaving this note to let you know that Wakatoshi will be taking care of me from now on... I'm also leaving my phone. I want to live my life to the fullest with the man I love, without any distractions. I was hoping you could take it as a present. I bought it recently. There is a new contact; Hayato Yamagata. He's a cool dude; you guys could be friends and even new roommates! I am sorry if I'm leaving in a hurry... You once told me we are where we're meant to be. Life leads us on different paths. Mine is with Wakatoshi. I suggest you look for this Shirabu guy again. He seemed to be interested in you! Anyways, this is where I'm taking off, my dear friend. I was glad to be part of your life, and I was happy we had fun times together. Farewell, my friend.|

Tendou closed his eyes as he fell asleep in the back of the truck, under the cool, relaxing breeze. While Semi sat alone at home, with tears rolling down his face, smiling with both a bit of sadness and relief. He was happy that Tendou found someone who made him feel special. "Farewell, my friend..."

Morning broke as the two lovers sat in the front seat of the car. Ushijima was driving as Tendou sang to the songs his friend put on. They have roughly been on the road for about two hours now. It started to get late as Wakatoshi turned left to go into the forest he drove alongside. The broken branches were cracking under the vehicle's wheels as it was shaking from the bumpy ground. The autumn atmosphere set the mood for a romantic night for the two guy friends. Northern lights took shape, dancing in the starry sky, changing from green to purple as the colors blended. The green-haired man stopped the car and parked behind a tree. He took a large blanket out of his bag, big enough to keep him and his friend wrapped up, nice and cozy. He laid it out on the back of the pickup truck and placed two fluffy pillows, an extra thinner cover, and a remote. The remote had many buttons as it was used for the LED lights located on the inside of the truck's back. They both climbed on the back of the car and snuggled between the duvet and the sheets.

"Do you want to see something cool?"

Ushijima fired up the lights as they turned blue, as well as turning on his phone and a mini projector that projected a romantic movie onto the immense tree in front of them. Their fingers touched, brushing onto each other's skin as light reflected onto their eyes. Tendou leaned in to kiss Ushijima's cheek while he rested his head on his chest as they watched the movie.

"A thousand-star hotel, this is better than any building I've ever slept in."

The redhead's hand caressed his lover's biceps as he fell asleep on the man's torso, drooling over the dark navy blue shirt. Wakatoshi tried to watch the movie until everything went blurry. He was too exhausted to keep watching as he slowly dozed off.

[Tendou's dream]

A bright light blinded the red-haired boy. It soon vanished, divulging a mysterious man staring at him.

"Hurry up, live your life to the fullest, quick. Time is running out."

The stranger confused Satori. In that dream, the latter couldn't speak. He couldn't make any sound whatsoever. Suddenly, the scene transitioned to Tendou being underwater, trying to talk. The redhead looked up and saw red and blue lights through the surface of the water. The boy was stuck at the bottom of the sea, back against the illuminated, wet sand. He observed, eyes open, as he was underneath the salty water. When he lazily closed his eyes, he could hear Semi's, Hayato's, Shirabu's, Goshiki's, Taichi's, and Ushijima's voices. Their tones were dull. Everything turned into a shadowy mist as the dream gradually started fading away.

[End of Tendou's dream]

Satori slept in the back alone. Dawn was hitting his skin as the morning birds were singing. The young adult tiredly awoke, noticing Wakatoshi wasn't there. Tendou jumped, panicking as he was afraid that he lost the love of his life again. He violently turned around to see if he was still there. To his surprise, the taller gentleman was by the passenger seat door, wringing out his soaked shirt. The man was shirtless. Red cheeks appeared on Satori's face as he stuttered, trying to tell Ushijima he was glad he didn't leave his side. Worried that Wakatoshi could catch a cold this morning, Tendou bounced out of the car and sprinted towards him, as he embraced him with a hug. His face reddening even more. Let's say that it was for his own pleasure as well. "Ah! Ushi, put on a shirt. We're outside!"

"You were drooling all over me last night."

"WHAA- I don't remember doing anything dirty with you last night!~" Tendou quickly crouched, pressing his hands against his face to cover his blush. The shy young adult was teasing the taller confused man. Ushijima walked past him and put on a new shirt. Tendou stood up and followed him. They both had an idea, going on a morning walk while taking advantage of the morning's gentle breeze. They put on light coats and scarves just in case the riverside was too chilly. Wakatoshi walked ahead as the shorter boy strolled along behind him. After a couple of seconds in silence, the redhead rushed in very close towards Ushijima's back, putting his icy hands in the latter's warm pockets. Resting his head on his lover's nape, he kept walking, feeling the dry leaves cracking under the soles of his shoes. The refreshing October air reminded him of how much fun he had with Semi last year during Halloween—enjoying a warm slice of pumpkin pie and hot green tea while throwing dead leaves at each other. "Don't you miss your friend?" Tendou sighed, laying against Ushijima's upper back. "For me, it was like leaving a member of my family behind. The only one who ever respected me". Soon after that, the green-haired man suggested going to a beautiful beach, three hours away from where they were staying. Thrilled, the shorter gentleman accepted and hugged his friend tighter. Observing the clouds, Satori felt the warmth of the sunshine hitting his pale skin. A gorgeous eagle flew through the sky. "Do you wanna fly Ushi?"

"That'd be cool."

"When you fly, you're free. I want to be as free as an eagle". The buff man didn't take any more steps as he suggested they turn back to the pickup. Tendou nodded in agreement. Once they got back to the vehicle, both men tried to organize and clean everything before continuing their trip. An hour passed, there was no noise in the car as Wakatoshi didn't turn on the radio. Satori, a bit hungry, reached for a granola bar. It was the only thing he ate in the past twenty-four hours. As a way to pass the time, he liked to balance his index and middle finger as if his hand was running on the road while Ushijima was driving. His childish behavior never failed to make his lover chuckle. They both made each other feel vigorous. As they smiled, full of life, Wakatoshi eventually turned on the radio to add some music to increase the "party" ambient sound. Singing along with the windows down, they were the only ones on the road. The red-haired boy reached outside the window as he extended his arms out, pretending that he was flying. "I'm flying!" The taller man laughed and just enjoyed every second of this unforgettable moment. Tendou Satori was living his life to the fullest, escaping reality as he always dreamed of. All, with the person he fell in love with.

Chapter Text

The ocean is vast. As vast as unconditional love, love living deep inside one another. Brutal waves happen, but cold calming water isn't rare. What would happen if the ocean disappeared? Would there be no more sea, lakes, rivers? We could theoretically lose 71% of our water supply. The energy to the poles would be nonexistent as we would die faster than we think. Just like we need a type of energy to keep love between each other. Tendou needed love from someone. With a small branch, he traced a little heart on the thin, white sand that felt soft under his body. Beside was Ushijima laying down, tanning, trying to take advantage of the silence the sea offered him. The waves splashing played a melody, sparkling, as they reflected the pink color of the rosy sky. Seagulls chirped as they flew by in circles. The ocean is everything Tendou wanted to be and more; Beautiful, mysterious, wild, and free. Mostly free.

The boy looked over towards Wakatoshi's resting face, as he recommended that he should dive in the shining, rose liquid. Agreeing, both men removed their shirts and pants, then sprinted towards the sea. Covered by the freezing water, the lovers played in the water, splashing at each other. The water temperature didn't seem to bother any of them as they enjoyed each other's company. They slowly swam towards each other, approaching as their lips smashed together, letting themselves purposely slide underwater. The green and red hair tangled together as they were floating undersea, illuminated by the sunshine that pierced through the water. Hands were touching, grabbing, and caressing as they felt each other's cheeks. Their tongues danced inside, fighting for supremacy. Arising from underwater, the pair giggled as they temporarily separated. Ushijima wrapped Tendou's legs around his waist and placed his strong hands on his lover's back. Intensely glaring into each other's eyes, full of beauty and love, they connected both of their foreheads. Tendou wanted this moment to last forever as waves surrounding them swashed against the couple's backs, gleaming on their skins. Escaping with Wakatoshi was the best decision Satori has ever made in his entire life. The taller man turned, causing his favorite redhead to fall behind him, creating a fun moment they could remember later on.

"I feel so alive all of a sudden. This has never happened to me before."

"It happens. 'Wanna go for ice cream? hun"

Getting out of the water, the pair realized they didn't bring towels. Shivering, Tendou got closer to Wakatoshi and pressed himself onto his arm that soon swaddled his trembling, cold body. They immediately found a small ice cream shop. Tendou ordered a chocolate cone as Ushijima chose pistachio. Sitting on plastic chairs, the two flirtatiously rubbed each other's fingers, and two nearby men threw a couple of insults at the couple. However, they paid no mind as they were in love and happy with each other's presence, but that didn't prevent others from directing offensive words at them. Insulted, Tendou looked down as the green-haired man got up, getting ready to send the cruelty right back at those punks. As soon as the stronger man's got up from the seat, long fingers grasped his forearm. Pulling him down, Tendou stood up instead, rushing towards the two delinquents. He was taller than them. He glared at them, fixing their eyes. Tendou violently grabbed both of the boys by their shirts, letting them know how mentally strong he was. And that no one should mess around with him anymore.

As soon as they ran away, Tendou fell on his butt but kept his head up to contemplate the sunny, blue sky. Taking a deep breath, he smiled, glad that he could confront the people who attacked them. Thanking Hayato, he felt the wind blow on his skin as he turned to Ushijima, showing that they could leave. The situation amazed the latter so much that he deeply fell more in love. "There is a festival taking place tonight. It's Friday night. We should go and have fun". Ushijima's suggestion pleased the red-haired fellow as they returned to the car. An odd idea tickled Tendou's mind as he explained to his companion that he didn't want to use the truck. He wanted to walk to the festival, hand in hand, taking the opportunity to experience a pleasant walk alongside the beach.

One step at a time, they strolled along the sand, letting the faint breeze play with their hair. Tendou was trying to keep his balance on a narrow sidewalk border as he was walking. After a couple of minutes of silence, the latter took Wakatoshi's left hand, jumped off the border, and ran in front of the green-haired man. Turning around to face him, Tendou smirked as he slammed Ushijima's palm against his torso. "I want to see the world with you and be as free as the ocean!". Tendou pulled the muscular man closer to him as he kept talking more softly. "I want to do so many things with you". Ushijima picked Tendou up, carrying him like a prince charming who just saved the princess from a dangerous dragon. The couple enjoyed the romantic moment they were having, wandering along the peaceful sea. Time passed. It was already five in the afternoon. Satori laid down on Ushijima's back, his legs and arms wrapped around his lover's body. His warm breath whispering against Wakatoshi's right ear; he had his eyes lazily open. Focusing on the brightness of the ocean, the latter tiredly mumbled words into his friend's cold ear.

"I cherish you above everything else in my life... Since the day I met you, I've felt different in the most incredible way. Thank you for existing~." Tendou gradually fell asleep on Ushijima's back. "Thank you... God, for letting me meet the best angel you sent on Earth..." As Tendou dozed off, Ushijima let a tear roll down his cheek, holding Tendou's tibias tighter. The ocean wind blew slightly harder, causing the tears to fly away. The ocean, a massive pool of wonders. Just like Satori to Wakatoshi. A fascinating boy he met a couple of days ago, under the LED lights. Love at first sight, something the muscular man didn't know could happen to him. Following the festival's path, the two men walked three more hours as they arrived at their destination. But anything was okay, as long as he remained by Tendou's side. The man he fell in love with.

The atmosphere was cloudy. Sounds were dull as Tendou had just woken up, still tired.

"Psst, hey. Satori, it's time. You must join us."

"Huh? who is talking..?"

The sleeping boy opened his eyes. He saw Ushijima sitting next to him. Another odd dream, again. A frail smirk took shape on his tired face. His appearance seemed weaker than before as he looked pale. The young adult wondered if the festival was near. Wakatoshi replied with a nod. They were already there, on a hill, waiting for the event to commence. The latter took Tendou's hand and confessed. "Satori, you have a beautiful soul. I want to be with you forever."
He kissed the palm of his lover's hand and got up on his feet. Tendou followed his movements, but he felt dizzy. He stumbled a bit, landing in Ushijima's muscular arms. Tendou, however, started crying, not being capable of finding any words to describe his pain. His friend began sobbing as well. They were two lovers, shedding tears together. Ushijima couldn't bear to hear Tendou suffering, as he kissed him deeply. Shifting his fingers through his hair, letting tears roll down his face. Unexpected love. This was the best thing that ever happened to Satori.

Love. What is love? Love is complex. A mix of emotions, behaviors, and beliefs associated with intense feelings of affection, protectiveness, warmth, and respect for another individual. Something Tendou never experienced until he met Ushijima. They both pulled away from their kiss as they headed down the hill. The pair had an idea, a way to have a lot of fun and live their lives to the fullest. Once they made it to the festival, the couple sprinted towards the lanterns. The deep dark sky evoked an atmospheric ambiance as the stars were almost invisible due to the lights floating around in the air. Ushijima and Tendou ran from food stand to food stand, ordering various items such as ice cream, hot beverages, grilled fish on sticks, and dangos. They appeared to be enjoying their time together, laughing, playing tag, hugging, and making out with each other. This was Tendou's dream since forever. But something was bothering him... He knew what this feeling was. Like he already met Wakatoshi and the others years ago. That this happiness lived in him long before this week, ah, that feeling, some believed he could not obtain. For some people, happiness consisted of realizing a strange dream. Why can't we all be happy? Well, If you look for perfection, you'll never be content. Life is far from being perfect. You can't wish for the ideal situation as it will have ups and downs. And that is entirely normal. Tendou believed in hell on earth and was convinced heaven would be after death.

Resting on the grass, Ushijima had his eyes closed and hands behind his nape. Tendou looked at him.

"Why can't we all be happy, Ushi?"

"The notion that a human being should be constantly happy is an uniquely destructive idea."

Ushijima believed that being sad and mad was part of a healthy balance of emotions.

"Thanks to you, though, I am happy. I feel free. I don't want to escape reality anymore."

"Just what did you mean by that anyway?"

A cold breeze flew through the air blowing on the lovers, causing the conversation to die. As the pair went towards the mini red bridge surrounded by cherry blossoms, Satori laid his head down Wakatoshi's shoulder. The latter mentioned he wanted to try the rollercoaster. It was located in front of the flowery river they were standing above. Satori ran towards the ride, pulling on his lover's hand. Once on the wagons, they fastened their seatbelts and raised their arms. Tendou was the most excited one.

"LIVING LIFE TO THE FULLEST, LET'S GOOOOOO!"

The ride started moving. Scenes of the couple started floating around in Tendou's memories. They were currently on a carrousel licking an ice cream cone they shared. Then they danced, cheering with cups of sake. Ushijima even picked Tendou up surprisingly and flipped himself until they fell on the grass. The grass that transitioned into the water, rolling them down the hill. They were surrounded by colors colliding with each other, waving in the air. As the music followed the colorful surrounding, Tendou went after the waves. It reminded him of when he took the LSD Semi gave him, but without the adverse side effects. Tendou found himself floating in the sky and softly landing on the ground next to a merry-go-round. He saw Ushijima, telling him to join him. He rushed to his lover, took one of the bars that weren't attached to a toy horse, and spun around it. His left hand was unconnected from the golden bar as he grabbed Ushijima's chin, caressing the latter's skin with his long fingers. All this seemed like a dream that didn't make sense. A dream that Tendou didn't want to leave.

Not too long after, the two lovers were under a little tent, savoring all sorts of different sushi. Tendou adored sushi. It was one of his favorite food. "If I had one wish, it would be that I don't want to wake up from this dream. Everything is perfect for me. And I wouldn't replace my time by your side with anything else." Ushijima smiled as he excused himself to go to the washroom. After the green-haired man left, Tendou took a mini sip of his chocolate milk. Looking down, happy, a bright figure illuminated the boy. As he looked up, he saw a shining woman, that soon made the scene white. Wakatoshi came back and could not find his lover anymore. Searching the area for him everywhere, he yelled his name but could not hear him. He began to panic. As tears started to roll down, he listened to his name from afar. Relieved and content to hear his lover's voice, he ran towards the words that echoed in his ears. As soon as he saw Satori, Wakatoshi stopped, shedding one last tear on his cheek.

"Ha... Tendou, don't do that again. You scared me."

Tendou slowly turned around to look at Wakatoshi, as he wasn't facing him before. Smiling at the taller man, he started talking.

"This isn't real, right?"

"Huh?"

"You aren't real, and I'm just dreaming..."

"Tendou, I-"

"All that time, I thought I was finally happy. But really, my wish could only come true when I was dreaming..."

There was a moment of silence, and Tendou kept expressing his feelings.

"This isn't just a dream, right..? I know you're by my side right now. I can hear you. I can hear Semi. I can hear Hayato, Goshiki... But I can't speak. You think I can wake up, but... I don't think I will... Wakatoshi? I loved you. Since the first day I met you... four years ago, at that party. And I fell in love all over again " a couple of days ago" into a deep sleep that will never end."

"No, Tendou...you said you wouldn't leave..."

"Thank you, for accepting me... Thank you, Wakatoshi Ushijima, for loving me. Thank you. for everything."

As the memories travelled through Tendou's head, Wakatoshi remembered the face of his once called lover. Tendou was a boy he met back in summer 204, at a party. Both had amazing memories together. Unfortunately, Wakatoshi came from a strict household. Him being left-handed almost made his family despise him to the point of nearly being disowned by them. Starting a romantic relationship with a man would've crossed the line. His mother would do anything to ruin his career if he came out. Tendou was the one who refused Wakatoshi to talk about their love life. He had more empathy than anyone Wakatoshi knew. Which led the tall man to go for a high school girl he didn't even like. Maybe Tendou was destined to fall in love with people he knew he could not have. Perhaps there is an assortment of people waiting for him to find them. Waiting to make him feel the impossible over again. Tendou just wanted him. Only him. Wakatoshi made him feel special. The way his eyes would watch him intensely. He felt like love hurt when it was never supposed to hurt. Love should heal. It should be your haven from misery, to make living fucking worthwhile. So yea, love doesn't hurt. Loving the wrong person does. But with Wakatoshi, he felt like he wasn't the wrong person. Maybe it was just the wrong time, or the wrong life. Nothing made him happier, and nothing made him sadder than Ushijima Wakatoshi.

Tendou attempted suicide on July 19th , 2019 as Ushijima perceived him from afar. The muscular man tried to stop him from jumping into the violent, flowing water and pointy rocks, but he failed to save him. Him... the boy he always loved but couldn't have. All he could do was shockingly stare at the water. Helpless and devastated. He stayed motionless as the ambulance and police sprinted towards the accident. Everything was blurry because of his tears blinding his vision. Every single great moment he spent with Tendou has been nothing but a dream through Tendou's coma. But it was time to go for the fragile man. Life decided to abandon him.

Back in the coma, Ushijima weakly walked towards Tendou, crying. Tendou slowly started drifting away, disappearing, turning into a bright transparent figure. Which allowed his deep dream to slowly fade, and end forever.

In a hospital bed, we can see Tendou's pale face, closed eyes, dried lips and messy hair. He's deceased. Ushijima stood next to him, obliged to hear the unpleasant beeping noise of the heart monitor. Tendou was a man who taught him how to smile. He could only curve his lips around his lover as he made the surroundings lively. After that "accident," Tendou fell into a coma. And since then, all of his friends have been visiting him until the nurses told them that he was not going to make it. From that day, Ushijima was the only one that came to see him. Wishing he was able to talk back to him. ''I heard that you were able to hear me from one of the workers. At least there was that... but I wished I could have seen your bright eyes open one last time...''

Ushijima stood by Tendou's grave near the ocean, placing flowers in the vase. As the wind blew, the tall man heard a whisper in his ear. It sounded like Tendou calling his name. He looked up towards the sea and saw a beautiful Eagle. Smiling, he thought;

"I guess you escaped reality. You are free now, Tendou."

Dreams can often lead us to the happiest moments we always wished we had. But we must stay strong as we can bring those dreams to reality. So, my child... live your life. It is full of surprises. Full of negativity, but full of positivity as well. This is what makes life beautiful; Pain, beauty, sadness, happiness, and memories. Happiness often starts in dreams... Wakatoshi's happiness flourished when he met Tendou at that party and when he met him in that dream all over again. But only from Tendou's point of view... Sometimes we have to sacrifice our love. For certain people, they sacrifice their happiness and life for love. It sounds pathetic for some but for others, love can be all they have left in this dark world.

Tendou's letter:

Wakatoshi. You are my haven, my happy place. The one I will always call my best friend. I left you forever because I didn't know if your family would accept the both of us. Even though I finally found the person I can call my love, I just couldn't see you fail at life because of our relationship. We connected effortlessly. I hope that in another life, I will be able to tell you that I love you freely.

Wakatoshi, I love you. And I will always admire you, your personality, your talent, your beauty, your everything... I wished hard for us to be together without any issues to get in our way and without anyone trying to ruin our lives. I guess this life wasn't the good one. But continue to make me proud. Keep working hard; reach your goals. I know you can do it! I will be watching over you 🖤

Letter to you (readers):

Tonight I want you to close your eyes and think of all of the things that make you, you. The things that encourage you to keep living. As Aristotle said: "It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light." And he wasn't wrong. Because it is only in the dark, we can perceive the stars. Life is full of surprises; never give up on the fact that you can be carefree and live life to the fullest. And if you think you are a failure, don't forget the most successful people once failed a million times before stepping on the floor of success. You are loved. You are not alone. You will never be alone. Not with that many people on this planet. And most importantly, live.

Because if tomorrow starts without you, the sun may only rise to shine the tears of dispirited loved ones.

Chapter Text

During a nice peaceful day in the park, Tendou patiently waited for Ushijima on a brown wooden bench. Joyful laughs of children playing could be heard afar. Tendou didn't want to wake up this morning. He was having more fun sleeping, and that's really sad. It is really unfortunate to have this mindset, as it was almost like a reverse nightmare. For example, when you wake up from a nightmare, you're relieved, but for him, it was like waking up into a nightmare instead. Tendou noticed Ushijima quickly approaching and scooted over to make room for him to sit. After greeting him, he stared deep into Ushijima's dark green eyes, which gave him a boost to get onto his feet and insinuating that he wanted a hug. Once he felt more comfortable, he wanted to bring up what was bothering him. Tendou began talking.

"Ushijima... I am not feeling too good right now. I feel depressed. You don't understand the desperation of having someone say, I love you just the way you are because you're wonderful. You don't understand that I don't remember anyone ever saying that to me. My personality is so demanding, and it is difficult for my friends because I crumble and fall apart. I want them to love me even though I am not fun. I lie in bed, I cry all the time, I do not move, I do not-"

Ushijima interrupted Tendou by kissing him in public. He wasn't afraid anymore of anyone judging him or how his family would react if they found out. He loved Tendou. The redhead cried. He could not get a word out. It's so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That's above and beyond everything else, and it is not mental, It's physical, like it was physically too hard to open his mouth and force words to come out. When they do, it is not smooth, and it doesn't work in conjunction with your brain the way ordinary people's comments would. It felt like words come out in chunks as if it came from a crushed-ice dispenser. You stumble on them as they gather behind your lower lip. So you keep quiet.

"Do you... love me, Wakatoshi~kun?"

"With all of my heart."

They walked over a bridge, alongside a deep river. The type of river that you could rip your skin off against sharp rocks if you fell in. It could cause you to meet your death in a second, without any suffering. Even though drowning sounds like an unpleasant way to die, it sure seemed like an attractive option. Staring at the flowing water, Tendou wondered if Ushijima would not care about him anymore if he disappeared forever. But that was wrong. It would stress him out if he saw Tendou jump off the bridge. If he committed suicide, it would give Ushijima depression for weeks, for months, for years... forever.

"Don't you understand Tendou? How much I love you, and how much I wouldn't want to live without you?"

Ushijima placed his hands on Tendou's, stepping forward to kiss his cheek.

"I feel like I am a burden... Our love is too different for us to be happy. I was just a mistake-"

"There is not a person in this world who is a mistake, no matter how different that person may be!"

People walking by started noticing the argument, watching from afar. Wakatoshi started yelling at Satori, getting tired of the way he kept degrading himself. He took his hand and dragged him away from the bridge.

After what happened at the park, both lovers decided to get away and booked a night at a hotel, spending some much-needed quality time together. Nothing meant more to Tendou than spending time with the love of his life. The red-haired man went outside and sat on the stairs staring at the pink and purple LED lights glimmering in the neighborhood. Ushijima observed him and smirked. Looking backward, Tendou says;

"Wakatoshi~Kun, are you alright? you're looking at me funny."

"You are beautiful."

If Ushijima didn't drag Tendou off that bridge and spent time with him that night, the latter would have fallen into a coma. Spending a week in a cold hospital room and eventually pass away.

[Tendou's POV]

I felt like my heart was broken, that I could not feel joy again, that at best there might be a little contentment, but nothing that will help. Everyone I knew wanted me to get help and save my life. "Try and pick up the pieces and move on."
I tried to, I wanted to, but I could not do it. I had to lie down with my arms wrapped around myself. Eyes closed, falling asleep, grieving. Until Ushijima came into my life, I had no real supporters; however, our love was somewhat forbidden. It created an uncomfortable sensation in my soul, pain in my heart every time I looked at him. I thought of him and spent time with him... Depression. That emotion is considered a disease. Please... depression isn't a disease. It is a normal response to abnormal life experiences. No one should be feeling depressed on the regular. But you know what, life is cruel. What can we do about it? Everyone goes through storms. Some go through more significant storms that feel like they go on forever. But once that storm is over, you don't remember how you were able to make it through. You aren't sure whether the storm is over. But one thing is sure; when you get out of that storm, you won't be the same person who walked in.

I look at him, and the most important thing I realized was; I'm not alone.

You are never alone. Happiness is a choice, but it is also genuine. Because there are good things that can happen, if we focus on those moments that depression is trying to take away from us, we will find happiness.

Life is not cured. It is managed.

In bed, face to face with him. Feeling his warm breath hitting on my pale skin. He closed his eyes two minutes ago, but I know he is still awake.

"Wakatoshi~Kun?"

"Hmm..?"

"I need one of those hugs where you kinda forget whatever else is happening for a minute."

He wrapped his arms around me, kissing my forehead.

Time and time again, I pinch myself when I see you next to me. You are a dream come true, Wakatoshi~Kun. The chances of meeting you are like finding a needle in a haystack - a miracle happened. That is why I call you; my miracle boy~