Chapter Text
Surreal Shock
Chapter One
I’m sorry. Those were the words that made a hollowness appear in Clay Spenser and it was not a hollowness that he was accustomed to feeling, no it was a new sort of hollowness that felt worse than any other he had felt before. That was the moment that he felt devoid of any feelings; there was no sadness, no overwhelming feeling of any emotion instead he felt hollow. Clay could not recall much about the words exchanged after those two words were spoken but he did recall the doctor offering to call someone to come to be with him but he shook his head instead turning and walking away from the doctor as the shock set in.
Clay sat on the cold concrete painted floor of his cage staring blankly at the stacked shelves having no idea how he had gotten to base or how long he had been there as he ignored the cramping in his leg, the one that he had nearly lost after the bomb in Manila.
Clay paid no attention to the door opening or the way his team bustled in ready for a day of training on base, it was not mandatory but it kept them in shape.
Sonny stopped at Clay’s cage seeing him sitting down on the floor with a look of thinly concealed pain on his face but what was stranger was that he had not acknowledged any of them and how dishevelled he looked as it looked like he had not been to bed. “Hey there blondie, whatcha doing down there?” He asked as he leant up against the edge of the doorway to Clay’s cage looking in on him. He watched as Clay stared blankly and turned to follow his line of sight but there was nothing remotely interesting in the shelving unit as far as he could see. “Clay?” He stepped into the cage, around Clay and crouched down worried that there was no acknowledgement of any sort from him. “Trent!” His call had immediately captured everyone’s attention as they came closer allowing Trent to step into Clay’s cage and kneel down next to him.
Trent could understand the hint of urgency in Sonny’s voice as Clay showed absolutely no awareness of anything that was going on around him. “Clay, hey brother, I need you to talk to us.” Trent made sure his voice was soft as the last thing he wanted to do was startle him especially given the potential that he could react violently if he felt threatened. “Are you in any pain?” The tight lines around the corner of his eyes gave away that he was in some sort of pain but there were no outward sign of injury that Trent could see that told him why he was in pain.
Jason turned and looked at Ray before he looked back at Clay wondering what the hell was going on with him, and he was surprised that he was not responding to Sonny or to Trent. With a quick decision Jason manoeuvred into the cage around Trent then knelt down in front of Clay breaking his staring contest with the shelving unit that he seemed to be having. Jason had caught the warning look that Trent had sent his way but decided to disregard it as he knew that Sonny and Trent would react quickly if the worst was to happen. “Hey kid, I need you to tell us what is going on? Trent needs to know if you are hurt and so do we.” Jason took Trent’s approach to keep his voice soft as he very cautiously reached out and put his hand on Clay’s ankle feeling him startle softly as he blinked heavily as if he was just seeing him for the first time. “Are you with us kid?” Jason asked not moving although out of the corner of his eye he did see Brock having to hold Cerb back while he and Ray stood at the cage edge.
Clay blinked heavily as he had no idea how Jason had moved in front of him without him realising. “Ash is dead.” The words tumbled from his lips in nothing but a whisper.
There was a stunned silence as the men all looked at each other before they looked back at Clay as so many questions formed in their minds but their main priority was him. Brock let go of Cerb, letting him go to Clay and wiggle his way in between him and Trent.
“What? What do you mean Ash is dead?” Ray was the first to react wishing that their individual cages weren’t so small as he forced himself to stay put. It was like the air had been sucked right out of the room by Clay’s words. Later on he would regret speaking so bluntly.
Clay’s breath hitched as he swivelled his head around so that he was looking towards Ray as he realised that all of his brothers were around him but before he could even try and figure out where to begin to explain Jason gave his ankle another soft shake which had his attention turned back to him.
Jason shared a look with Trent knowing that the medic in him was itching to get a look at him as none of them had missed the clear visual sign of pain that he was in but they had more pressing issues. “We are going to need you to tell us what happened kid.” He tried to be as delicate as possible as it looked like he was in shock but the fact that Clay had said Ash was dead was something that they needed more information on and they did not want to bring anyone in until they had some elaboration.
Clay shook involuntarily as his eyes met Jason’s hoping to find some grounding in them. “I got a call from the hospital as I am… was Ash’s emergency contact. I didn’t know he was in town…” He stopped and swallowed as another painful cramp ripped through his thigh making him bit down on his bottom lip until it eased.
Trent was concerned but he knew why Jason was pushing for Clay to talk to them over putting him through a medical examination for the moment. “Clay?” Trent knew that he was in pain and could see it easily as his defences were down.
“I think the doctor said it was a stroke, I… I don’t really know, can’t really recall what he said.” Clay began speaking once the cramp had passed and he had released his bottom lip that now had deep teeth marks in it. “I kept ignoring his calls, he kept calling me yesterday and I didn’t answer one of them. What if…” He had begun to ramble as an onslaught of thoughts attacked his brain like what if Ash had been calling him to get him help, to get medical treatment because he was lying somewhere unable to move, because Clay vaguely recalled that paralysis or at least partial paralysis happened when someone suffered a stroke.
Sonny shifted closer to Clay and very gently pulled him over so that he was leant against his chest having noticed the way he was trembling before he felt how cold his skin felt. “When was this?” Sonny asked as he wondered when Clay had received the call and how long he had been sitting on the floor in his cage. “You are freezing blondie.” It was directed at Clay but it was more for Trent’s information than anything else as they could all recognise the signs of shock or at least the lingering effects of it.
Clay let himself relax against Sonny although he did not have much of a choice as his body was out of his control even as he continued to focus on Jason who had remained in front of him. “Not sure.” He answered unhelpfully but he seriously had no idea of the time.
Brock knew what Sonny was doing by mentioning that Clay was cold to the touch and he quickly ducked into his own cage to get a blanket for him as he could not see one in Clay’s cage then returned and handed it to Trent who gently shook it out then draped it over Clay as he leant into Sonny.
“Can you tell us what hurts Clay?” Trent asked needing to know if Clay needed medical attention that he could not give or if it was something that he could help with.
Clay shuddered softly and Sonny resisted tightening his loose hold on him as he really did not want to hurt him if there was something wrong with him. “Thigh is cramping, kind of stiffened up sitting here.” It was the first time that Clay put the two together; the two being that he was suffering from cramps and had stiffened up which meant he had been sitting still for a really long time. It was not often that Clay’s leg flared up but when it did it was bad and only served as a reminder of what that bomb had almost cost him when it detonated so close to him.
Trent relaxed minutely but it did not go unnoticed by anyone with the exception of Clay who was still watching Jason. “Do you want to try and get up off of the ground? We will give you a hand brother.” Trent left it up to Clay as he looked as content as he could be now that he was leant up against Sonny with a blanket draped over top of him, and he suspected that it would be painful to get up and moving about.
“Jase… I… I don’t know what to do.” Clay did not answer Trent’s question mainly because he had not heard it. There was a desperateness in Clay’s voice that told them all that he was hoping that Jason would give him answers but to what they did not know.
“We will figure it out, work the problem kid.” Jason answered immediately although he had no idea where to start. Clay and Ash’s relationship was muddied at best which did not help to work out where Clay’s head was. What Jason did know was that it had not hit the official channels or the news otherwise they would have known, and that they needed to give Clay time to sort out his feelings as he looked as though he was numb. “Sonny and Brock are going to get you up and take you and Cerb back to my place so you can shower and rest. Emma’s room is all made up so you can sleep in there when you are ready. Trent, Ray and I won’t be far behind you. We need to talk to Eric and then I will go by your place and grab you a bag so you can stay for as long as you want. Okay?” Jason was devising a plan on the spot. Truthfully he was not sure what Clay needed but they needed to get him off of base before the news broke and the last thing he needed was to be in his apartment. Clay nodded softly almost feebly which made Jason wonder how much he was really taking in but he also knew that he would be safe with Sonny and Brock. “Okay kid. We will see you soon.” Jason stood up and exited the cage knowing that Ray and Trent would follow him as he left the room.
Ray waited until he, Jason and Trent were down the hall far enough that their voices would not carry back to the team room. “What’s the plan Jay?” There were still a hell of a lot of unanswered questions.
Jason stopped and turned around to face Ray and Trent. “I am going to let Eric know, see what he, Lisa and Mandy can find out between them. Trent, I want you to go and get whatever you think he might need medically so you can treat him at my place. I am thinking that he could be dehydrated. Ray, I want you to work with Lisa and see if you can work out a timeline so we know when this all happened and how long Clay has been alone with this news. Check when he got to base as a starting point and work backwards.”
Trent could see that Jason wanted to get back to Clay just as quickly as he did but there was something that he had to say. “Boss, he ain’t going to let me give him anything for the cramps, for the pain.” He paused because it really was not what he wanted to point out before he decided to figuratively rip the band aid off. “There is an emotional shit storm brewing inside of him even if he does not realise it just yet. I am not sure how we are going to help that Jase.”
Ray knew the validity of Trent’s second statement although he had not wanted to think about it quite yet. “We will figure it out.” Eternal optimist Ray came out as the words came out of his mouth before he could stop them.
“How the hell do we figure it out when he has no idea of what he is feeling?” Trent growled hating eternal optimist Ray at times but none more so than right now.
Jason put his hand on Trent’s chest and pushed him back as he had stepped towards Ray. “Enough! Trent, go to the infirmary then my house. Ray with me. Clay does not need to see us arguing right now.” He scolded both men although he understood what both men were saying as it wasn’t like Clay was an open book with his relationship with Ash or with his feelings but then again none of them were. Both men had the decency to look ashamed and both mumbled an apology before Trent marched off and Ray fell into step with Jason.
Jason did not bother to knock or announce himself as he walked straight into Eric’s office seeing that Lisa and Mandy were with him which he was grateful for as it meant there would be no time wasted waiting for them to convene. “Good, you are all here.” Jason said as Ray closed the door with a loud click although his voice was anything but cheerful.
“Jason.” Eric regarded Jason and Ray knowing that they did not often stomp into his office. “What is it?” He asked feeling like his morning was about to go downhill and fast.
“I need you to take us off rotation.” Jason stated bluntly as he crossed his arms over his chest.
Eric frowned and looked at Lisa before he turned back to Jason. “What? Why?” He asked needing an explanation as he simply could not take a team out of the rotation without a valid reason.
“It’s…” Jason hesitated as he looked to Ray.
“We have just found Clay in his cage.” Ray supplied not understanding why Jason was suddenly so hesitant to speak.
“Is he okay?” Lisa asked feeling worried.
“No, we haven’t been able to get many details out of him except that Ash has died.” Jason ignored the furrowed looks that he got. “Apparently he got a call and went to the hospital.”
“Where is he now?” Lisa could only imagine the conflict that was inside of Clay and she hated that he was going to have to deal with this loss. She wanted to go to him.
“I have Brock and Sonny taking him to my place. He looks to be in shock, I am not sure how much has sunk in but he is not being left alone.” Jason supplied.
“What do you need from us? Other than being taken off of rotation.” Mandy asked knowing that the lack of information would be haunting them.
“Information and confirmation.” Jason kept it short knowing that the three would understand what he wanted, what he was asking for.
Ray stepped forward knowing that Jason was itching to get to Clay’s apartment so that he could get home and make sure Clay was settled as he was not going to be okay for a while. “We need to know what happened, a timeline of when it happened and how long Clay has been on base, and an idea of what is going to happen once it hits the news.” He kept it simple even though it would be anything but simple.
“We are onto it.” Eric needed answers to and he needed to contact some of the higher ups in order to handle the fallout.
“Thanks.” Jason went to head out but stopped.
“Is everyone convening at your place?” Mandy asked knowing that the team would stick closer than usual to Clay.
“Yeah, come by when you are done.” With that Jason was out the door letting it slam closed behind him.
SURREAL SHOCK
Jason let himself into Clay’s apartment having got the spare key from Derek’s wife Trish and closed the door behind himself before he looked around seeing that there was nothing out of place before he continued into the bedroom. The sight that greeted him clued Jason into the fact that the call must have come in when he was in bed asleep given the state of the rumpled bedding that appeared to have been hastily thrown off.
Jason moved into Clay’s wardrobe, pulled out one of his duffel bags, and began to gather several pieces of clothing for Clay along with a few other things like toiletries and his phone charger.
“Jason.” Derek let himself into Clay’s apartment as he called out Jason’s name just in time to see him coming out of the bedroom with a duffel bag over his shoulder. “Clay okay?” Derek asked as it was concerning that Jason was in Clay’s apartment without Clay.
Jason sighed knowing that his visit would raise questions and that Trish would notify Derek. “Not really, he is going to crash at mine for a few days.” Jason supplied not wanting to go into any detail as it was not his place to share nor was anything confirmed although he knew that Clay would not say it if it was not true but he needed more details on what had happened.
Derek sensed that he should not pry as he would not get any answers from Jason or anyone else on Bravo unless it came directly from Clay but knowing Bravo as he did he knew that there would be a fortress built around the kid until he was ready to face the world around him again. “We will keep an eye on the place, and if he needs anything then let me know.” It was an open offer knowing that it was not out of the ordinary for him or Trish to watch over Clay’s place when he was spun up or deployed just as Clay looked in on Trish when he was out of the country.
“Thanks brother.” Jason glanced at his watch grateful that Derek had not pressed. “I better get going.” He handed the key to Derek knowing he would lock up before he stepped around him. “See you around.” He threw over his shoulder already half way out of the door as he desperately wanted to get home so that he could be there for the kid.