Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Sighing to yourself, you placed your phone down next to you on your bed. You knew that gacha was a gamble, but six pulls with no SSR was just stupid. You had a momentary internal debate on whether or not it was worth grinding for more gems before coming to the consensus of grabbing a snack before you did.

Humming to yourself as you went to the kitchen, you tried to plan out your upcoming scouting plans. Pomefiore’s story surely would be out soon, and you were hoping Epel’s SSR would be nothing short of beautiful. But the current star-themed set was just so breathtaking and hit your aesthetic in all the right ways, you couldn’t not get Deuce’s card - plus it would help give you event bonuses. You grabbed a box of apple juice and some chips before heading back to your bedroom, trying to justify spending just a little bit of money if push came to shove. Spotting the 9% on your phone, you groaned and started to rummage through your backpack to find your charger.

“I know you’re in here you little fucker.” You thought you had found it before a painful shock went up your arm. Whipping your arm back, you looked in bewilderment at your backpack. What in God’s name could’ve possibly done that to you? Slowly looking back into it, your eyes widened when you realized it was pitch black. “There’s… no way that’s normal.” You started to reach for it once more, before you felt a shiver go up your spine, and your consciousness slowly left you.

꧁꧂

“... -Lo?”

You think you heard yourself groan, trying to make whatever the hell was speaking go away.

“... Are you alive?” That voice… sounded way too familiar.

The connection hit you and you shot up and shrieked, leading the person in front of you to scream as well - no, not person, character. With your mild haziness and infinite wisdom, you decided to let out the most eloquent statement you could, “What the fuck are you doing here?” Straightening himself out, the man you were praying was just a really accurate Headmaster Crowley cosplayer spoke, “Me? Why, I am the headmaster of Night Raven College, I belong here. I believe I should be asking why you are here, if anything.” If this was all an elaborate prank, then whoever this was really put their all into it.

You stood up from your spot on the floor and made your way over to a small chair within his office. Normally you would’ve asked before copping a seat, but you were way too confused and stressed out to even fathom the idea. “My name is ____, and I would absolutely kill for an explanation as to why I’m here.” Crowley looked as if he took your “kill” slightly too seriously for a moment before clearing his throat and trying to explain in a way that didn’t make both you and him seem completely insane. “I’m afraid I don’t know all that much in regards to your sudden appearance either. I was sitting here at my desk, doing paperwork as any respectable and responsible headmaster would-” You felt as though “respectable” and “responsible” weren’t exactly the right words to describe him, “-when suddenly you showed up right before my very eyes. Assuming one of those troublesome first years had decided to play a prank, I came over to scold you but realized you were unconscious, completely immobile! Surely if someone who wasn’t as kind as myself were to find you, they would have kicked you right out but I, of course, would do no such thing.” This dude sure loves to blow smoke up his own ass, huh?

Regardless of how much truth his statement held, it was painfully obvious that you were powerless in this situation. You spotted your backpack on the ground and felt slightly more at peace, hoping some of your items from home would make you feel a little better. “Well, in that case Mr.-” “Headmaster.” “... Headmaster Crowley, sir, I believe I am with a capital F ‘Fucked’ right about now.” He cringed for a moment (because of your language, you assumed) before he closed his eyes and nodded to himself. “Yes, yes, it would seem as such. Though the entrance was different, you appear to be in the same circumstances as the Ramshackle Dorm prefect.” Your eyes widened at that statement. The protagonist of the game was here? With you? 

Crowley took notice of your expression and became curious. Surely you couldn’t know Yuu? He assumed you were just surprised someone else had this happen to them as well and continued on with his speech. “However! Because I am so kind, I will allow you to visit the mirror and see if there is magic within you. In the event you possess no such thing,” he coughed into his glove, “We shall deal with that issue when it arises.”

A heavy weight made a home within your stomach. There’s no way in hell you’d pass the mirror’s examination. Then what would happen? You didn’t have an animal companion like Grimm that could be half a student with you. Would Crowley just boot your sorry ass on the street? You couldn’t exactly deny his request to see the mirror, so you sighed and picked up your backpack. Chanting to yourself that everything would be okay as you followed Crowley, you heard a ping! come from your bag. Reaching in to grab your phone (which you were amazed still even worked), you groaned out loud at the notification it gave you, feeling as if the universe was just making fun of you at this point.

Twisted Wonderland: Your AP has refilled!

Chapter Text

To the mirror chamber’s credit, the game didn’t do it nearly enough justice.

It was an obscenely large space filled with all sorts of magical trinkets and artifacts that would probably cost at least two of your limbs. The grandiose (bordering on gaudy) windows let in an eerie sort of light, one that seemed otherworldly at the very least.  The lanterns lit up the room just enough to see, but still allowed for an ominous setting. The large mirror was surrounded by a circle of coffins and floating perfectly centered on it’s own.

The entire room scared the living daylights out of you. 

Crowley had sent for the dorm leaders on your way here, and five of them currently resided in the room. You safely assumed Idia decided not to show up, and that Lilia probably took Malleus’ place like in the prologue. But in that case, who wasn’t here? One of the cloaked figures spoke up and answered your question for you. “Ah, Headmaster Crowley, Vil said he had some more important matters he had to attend to and didn’t show up.” Well, not too big of a loss. You doubted you’d be sorted into Pomefiore anyway, if you were sorted at all. 

The voice sounded painfully similar to Azul that you had no choice but to believe it was him. You were so having a talk with whatever higher being decided to pull this nonsense on you.

Next to you, Crowley sighed and nodded his head. “I suppose I can’t do much about that. Now, come forth,” he paused for a moment, “What did you say your name is?”

I just told you like ten minutes ago, dude. “My name is still ____.” You walked forward towards the mirror, looking around to try and gauge the expressions of the characters around you. You had already decided that telling them you played the game they were from religiously was most likely a bad idea and would probably get you kicked out faster than you could blink. The next best course of action was just to play dumb and act like Yuu did. 

Riddle looked expectant, like someone getting their own solo dorm assignment meant they were destined for great things. Leona exuded boredom, which was to be expected. You probably interrupted his nap or something along the lines of that. Azul looked like he was ready to put a scorpion down your shirt, his smug grin seeming to hold more secrets than you could ever hope to know. Kalim was rocking back and forth on his feet, the prospect of a new face clearly being exciting to him. You were right about Lilia taking Malleus’ place, and the fact that he was here at all scared you. If anyone could call bullshit on whatever you were gonna try and feed to the people around you - it was him. 

You stood directly in front of the mirror and tried not to let all this intimidate you. The worst that could happen is it tells you the same thing it told Yuu and you’re just miserably embarrassed for the rest of the day. No big deal, right?

Green smoke billowed around you as the mask within the mirror came into view. The gaps where it’s eyes should’ve been seemed to stare deep within to your very soul, creating a sense of paranoia within you. You tried to steady your breathing as it began to speak. “Speak thy name.” I already told Crowley, weren’t you listening? “____.” It stilled for a moment before talking once more. “The shape of thy soul is…

… I do not know.”

A multitude of things happened in that moment.

You saw Crowley start twitching from the corner of your eye, most likely because this was happening again . Riddle and Leona both looked insanely annoyed that they were dragged out for nothing. Azul’s smile fell a bit but it was obvious this was amusing to both him and Lilia, with the latter starting to giggle at the situation before them. Kalim seemed completely unbothered, his more genuine smile still on his face as he questioned Crowley. “That’s fine, isn’t it? They can just stay with Prefect Yuu!” 

Crowley began to rub his temples to calm his irritability. “Residence is not a problem, my boy. The fact another magicless student has somehow made their way into Night Raven College is the problem.” Leona let out a humorless laugh before busting out the insults. “Another useless herbivore, huh? Seems the school will become a joke at this rate.” Something in his tone of voice really ticked you off, so badly in fact your mouth spoke before your brain could.

“I’m not magicless!”

Your statement grabbed the interest of everyone in the room, the implication that the mirror was wrong seeming to be a little too ludicrous to believe. Azul, ever too eager to find out more info about anything he could, jumped at the opportunity. “Oh? Care to tell us what it is you can do then?” Don’t fuck this up, don’t fuck this up, don’t fuck this up-

“I’m a psychic!”

Wow. That is literally the worst possible thing I could’ve said. 

The saccharine grin was completely wiped off of Azul’s face as he was clearly not expecting an answer like that to come from you. Everyone else in the room was stunned to the point where you could’ve heard a pin drop perfectly clear. 

Crowley was the first to recover from your outburst. He stuttered for a moment before laughing nervously and clearing his throat, “A wonderful joke, young one. Now if you could let us all know what your actual magic is, we can move forward.” Hey, you thought, if I’m gonna lie I might as well go all out. “I’m dead serious.”

You saw a flash of movement to your left before turning and getting a face full of octopus. “This… this is truly incredible! Such magic is barely heard of, especially not in NRC. I believe a contract is in order.” Like hell it is! 

His rambling was stopped by a very clearly doubtful Riddle. “Azul, don’t you think it’s plausible they could be lying? The mirror very clearly stated they’re magicless.” He turned to stare you down. “Lying about magical abilities blatantly breaks the Law of the Queen of H-”

“Now, now, Rosehearts. Surely there’s a way for this young mage to prove their powers, is there not?” Riddle was clearly displeased about Lilia interrupting him, but held enough respect for the older student not to talk back. Lilia then started to come towards you, and despite his lack of height it was single handedly the most terrifying moment of the day. If you could somehow manage to bamboozle Lilia, you damn might as well be magical. 

His fangs were visible as he grinned towards you. Seriously, what was with these dudes and evil smiles? “This shouldn’t be too difficult, correct? If you could possibly indulge us in some information not known to the common folk, then this issue will be solved quite quickly.” He was right, but the issue is you had no clue what part of the timeline you were in. Yuu was already an established figure, but there was no way to tell if anyone had overblotted yet. Telling an event from the future could possibly throw off the entire story, and you’d rather not mess up the reality of another dimension. So, you improvised. “What would you like to know?” 

Lilia hummed for a moment, before offering up a suggestion that would totally make the room awkward. “In that case, would you care to inform us of Riddle’s final words after his overblot?” You could see the aforementioned Riddle slowly turning into a cherry tomato behind Lilia, but this at the very least provided you with the information that the Heartslabyul conflict has already been settled.

You deeply inhaled and closed your eyes. You had re-read this translation about fifty times over, the substance of it hitting a really personal part of you. You weren’t sure if you were gonna get this word for word, but anything close should be enough to convince them. “...I was… wrong…? That’s not true… Is it…? Mother…” 

Lilia’s mouth went from smug to fascinated and poor Riddle looked like he was ready to die on the spot. Kalim bounced over to bombard Riddle on whether or not what you said was correct, and with his reluctant confirmation that yes, those were his last words, the entire room looked at you in awe. A small noise of approval came from Leona, with a “Well I’ll be damned,” to boot. Azul really looked like he just hit the jackpot and had to be borderline dragged away from you by Lilia and Kalim. Crowley’s face now exuded pride, as if he had plucked you off the side of the road and enrolled you in NRC himself. “A change of events, truly! Apologies to our dear mirror, but it seems you were in the wrong this time.” The smoky green mask came in the view once more, and when it looked right into your eyes you could’ve sworn he had straight up told you I know you’re a fraud.

“However, this does still leave the issue of where you’ll be residing. Such rare magical abilities can only mean you belong somewhere like Diasomnia-” Absolutely not.

“I wanna be in Ramshackle!” Were the other dorms better from a physical standpoint? No question about it. It was the fact you’d be surrounded by actual magical students 24/7 that would be the death of you. The chance they’d expect more demonstrations of your “powers” meant that them finding out there was no such thing would be way more likely. You doubted that Yuu would hound you about magical abilities, and you could shut Grim down pretty easily if need be.

Crowley looked as if he desperately wanted to disagree and shove you somewhere else, but he complied nonetheless. “Then it is so! I appoint you as the new vice dorm leader of Ramshackle.” He gazed for a moment before questioning you about something he probably should’ve done earlier, “... How old may you be?” 

Ignoring Riddle’s indignant cry of “You’re just asking that now?!” , you let him know you were a second year. He sat for a moment and proceeded to offer you the position of dorm leader, which you quickly shot down. Not only had Yuu been here longer, but you were just as magicless as they were in actuality - plus who knows how badly that would fuck the timeline up?

With a swoosh of his cape, Crowley declared you an official student of NRC as the group of you exited the mirror chamber. Most of the dorm leaders had something to say to you as they went back to their respective halls - Kalim asking you to come visit Scarabia for a party or two, Azul hoping you two would be able to sort out a contract soon, and Riddle giving a small “Hmph” before going back to Heartslabyul. You couldn’t really blame him for being a little upset with you - reliving his overblot probably wasn’t the most pleasant thing.

It was Lilia though, who specifically pulled you aside for a conversation. “In my many, many years, rarely have I seen an ability to offer wisdom such as this.” He gave you direct eye contact, and you felt as if you could see the toll that an insanely long life has taken on him. “I hope nothing puts you in harms way.”

All you could offer was a nervous laugh and a nod of your head before he went back to Diasomnia. You finally felt as if you could relax your shoulders after what felt like an eternity, and turned towards the direction of your temporary home while you were stuck here.

Time to meet your new roommate.

Chapter Text

Flopping onto the bed of your newly appointed dorm room, you screamed into the pillow so loudly that Yuu probably thought someone showed up to murder you. A knock came from your door and you yelled out “I’m fine! Just having an existential crisis!” before you heard them say they hope you feel better and then walking away.

The meeting between you two went about as well as you could’ve hoped. Upon your arrival at the front door of the Ramshackle dorm, Yuu welcomed you with open arms. They absolutely understood your situation and how stressful it felt. You had became acquainted with Grim and tried your best not to show visible annoyance over the fact all he did was screw Yuu over in the story. 

Figuring it was safer to ask questions that seemed slightly out of the ordinary to Yuu rather than the dorm leaders, you got your answers in regards to a sort of timeline. It was early October as of now and you were smack dab in the middle of Savanaclaw’s episode. Yuu and Grim went into detail about these “shady twins” they had fought with earlier and you were hoping your phone would let you Google what the upcoming chapters held for you - it wasn’t like you had the entire main story memorized. 

Crowley had so graciously loaned you some Madol to survive for a few days and your first order of business with it was to stop by the Mostro Lounge tomorrow to try and get to know Azul and the Leech twins better. You felt as though you were too far into the current episode to change much of anything, but maybe forming a friendship with them might help soften what would happen in Octavinelle’s chapter. Using your “psychic” powers to do so might be a little scummy, but those three aren’t exactly saints either.

Plugging your phone into the wall (thank God this place wasn’t too old for power outlets) and taking a small stuffed Shiba Inu plush from your backpack, you settled in for the night. You had to plan all this carefully - whatever this was. Getting directly involved in Yuu’s current conflicts was a complete no-go, but trying to create your own story would be fun in itself, wouldn’t it?

꧁꧂

Exiting Crowley’s office the next afternoon, you checked the time on your phone and headed over to Octavinelle’s dorm. You had begged the man that very morning to give a few days off before starting school, “getting used to the atmosphere” and “my powers are out of whack from being teleported here” your main excuses for such. Whether he felt bad for you or was just really annoyed with your whining was unknown, but he obliged and stated you wouldn’t be attending any classes until the following week. 

You were never a huge fan of the ocean, but the entirety of Octavinelle’s dorm was breathtaking. Seeing exotic aquatic life right before your very eyes was something you’d never forget, even when you went back home. Despite the shady doings of it’s prefect, the actual dorm itself held a very relaxed mood. If the concept of Floyd hunting you down for sport while Azul and Jade try to suck your childhood secrets from you wasn’t petrifying then you probably would’ve asked to stay here.

Also the fact you weren’t part fish.

Once you entered the lounge, you knew you probably wouldn’t wanna leave. Soft jazz music accompanied the laughter of students at each table. Trying not to think about how many of the servers here were stuck under Azul’s control, you spotted Jade behind one of the counters. Inhale, exhale, he probably won’t eat you.

Walking up to the counter and willing yourself not to turn around and haul ass out of there, Jade looked up to see you coming towards him. He smiled in his mildly unsettling way and greeted you. “Welcome to the Mostro Lounge. Is there anything I can get you?” God, the fact you knew so much about him and he didn’t even know your name was really weird. “I’m actually here to see Azul, is he around at all?” 

That piqued his interest, as most potential clients of Azul’s did. “Apologies, but he’s quite busy right now. I can pass a message along if you so desire.” Alright then, Plan B it was. “Actually, can you go into his office and let him know ____ wants to talk to him? I’m pretty sure he’ll wanna see me.”

Jade’s eyes narrowed slightly. He hadn’t heard your name from Azul’s mouth before, yet you seemed so confident that Azul wanted your time. Jade motioned to his brother who was across the lounge to come over. Floyd followed suit and paused when he caught sight of you. “Huuuh? Who are you? Didja come here for some funnn~?” Christ on a stick, he was way more intimidating than you expected.

“Floyd,” Jade’s sharp voice cut off any chance of further conversing. “We have to speak with Azul.” Floyd let out a slight groan before giving you a sharp toothed smile and going towards the office. Jade looked at you once more before departing. “A moment, if you would please.”

Considering you had all day to think about this plan, you had a whole lot of nothing in terms of ideas. What even was the goal here? ‘Hey Azul, make sure you don’t overblot in a month or two when your years of planning all goes to shit!’ Yeah, like he wouldn’t send your ass to a psych ward for that one. You supposed the best course of action was just to be gentle with him, try to relate if anything. Having someone to confide in without any strings attached would do him good, and if nothing else you were perfectly equipped to handle any info that came your way - you already knew it all.

The door to Azul’s office shook for a second before the man himself all but ripped it off the hinges. He probably wasn’t expecting you to show up anytime soon after your complete lack of interest yesterday and you were sure the concept of gaining control of your “psychic powers” had him ready to offer up one of the Leech twins themselves as trade. 

“____! Welcome to the Mostro Lounge.” He came over and ushered you into his office. “I’m thrilled that you seemed to change your mind about a deal between the two of us.” If Azul could sense how stressed out the current situation made you, he chose not to comment on it.

Jade wished you two happy business before closing the door, his gaze lingering on you for just a beat too long past comfortable. You took a seat in front of Azul’s desk as he sat behind it, positively beaming at the fact you were seemingly here to conduct business. You thought for a moment on what you were going to say before he beat you to the punch. “Tell me, what are we here to discuss? I assure you I’ll do anything in my power to assist you - for a small price, of course.” 

Shady is as shady does. It was hard to figure out how to come off as more helpful than invasive, but with just enough force so he wouldn’t brush you off or kick you out. “I’m not here for the reason you think I am,” You saw his eyebrow lift slightly at that statement. “I’m here for you.” 

He was motionless for a moment, gauging to see if this was some sort of joke or not. You couldn’t deny the reason you were here at all is because of the soft spot you held for Azul. The chance of you doing this for someone like Leona or Vil was slim to none. 

He let out a soft sigh before speaking, “If you’re here to comment on my methods or something along those lines, it isn’t needed. I’m perfectly happy with things as they are now.”

“Are you truly happy?”

Woah. You weren’t even planning to say that, but you couldn’t help it. This boy had probably ever felt genuinely at peace very few times in his life. He himself looked slightly bewildered at how blunt your statement was, but you couldn’t really fault him for that. He knew nothing about you except for your name - and that probably drove him up a wall. 

Well, if you were gonna do this, might as well go all out. “I can feel something seriously dark within you Azul. I can’t exactly place it, but I’m worried for you. Keeping to yourself for so long will only cause it all to come crumbling down one day, and I don’t want to see you hurt by the end of it.”

Azul was completely speechless. When was the last time someone had spoken to him with such genuine care for his well being?

“Maybe I’m overstepping, and I’m really sorry if I am, but I can tell there’s parts of us that are the same. You don’t know much about me and it’s unfair of me to invade like this, but I want to tell you the one thing that could’ve changed me when I was younger if someone had bothered to try and help me.

I’m so proud of you, Azul.”

…

Maybe that was a little heavy.

Azul could feel his crybaby roots coming back up. He was so good at reading people and yet here you were throwing it all for a loop. He had never spoken to someone at NRC without them wanting something in return but it was clear you had nothing to gain from this conversation. You were here because you saw something he couldn’t, and while it ate away at Azul that you were beating him at his own game, something shifted within his chest at your words. What was there to be proud of? Surely not his underhanded tactics or the reputation he made for himself. Were you proud for no other fact than he was here, he was himself? Was the care you held for him more than his own parents had ever shown?

You could see Azul’s internal debate from your seat. That was way too much for a guy who had spent all of ten minutes with you, but it was so hard not to just let him know someone was here for him. If you could just get Azul to see there was still something good for him in the world, maybe the tug on his heart would ease ever so slightly.

You stood from your chair, what you needed to do now finished. Azul was looking at his desk, unable to make eye contact. You decided to let one more piece out before taking your leave. “I didn’t come to take advantage of you or sign a contract. I came because if you ever need someone to confide in, if you ever need a friend , I’d be more than happy to fill that slot.” 

Turning and walking towards the door, you figured you’d let him cry in peace. It was impossible to tell how much impact one conversation would have on him, but you hoped it would at the very least make him consider putting his trust on you.

You closed the door on your way out as Jade and Floyd looked towards you exiting. You made eye contact with Jade and gave him a small, sweet smile - something he clearly wasn’t expecting. On your way out, you let Jade know to check up on Azul and make sure he’d be okay before finally exiting the Mostro Lounge. When Jade followed your advice and opened Azul’s office door just a crack, he saw his friend sobbing into his desk, his shoulders trembling as anguished cries came from his mouth. The sight left Jade unnerved. What could you have possibly done to get such a reaction from Azul?

Jade closed the door and looked towards the direction you had left. The smallest of smirks made its way onto his face before he let out a small noise of interest. Clearly, you were a way bigger force to be reckoned with than he initially thought. 

“A new student, hm?” 

This year just got even more interesting.

Chapter Text

Your first order of business upon exiting Octavinelle’s dorm and going to the main part of campus was to scream at the absolute top of your lungs over how horrifically personal and nosy you acted towards Azul about ten minutes ago. 

Doing so is also how you met one Ruggie Bucchi. 

“Yikes! There’s people with sensitive ears around here y’know.”

Turning around with a guilty smile on your face, you apologized for hurting his ears as he waved it off. You went to try and make some casual conversation before remembering something Yuu talked to you about this morning. Apparently they were going to ask Jamil today about an accident that happened in the kitchen yesterday, which perfectly let you know exactly what day it was. You prayed the chase scene with Ruggie happened already and tried to go off that entire ordeal. “Were you the guy I saw hauling ass and getting chased earlier?”

He sighed before going into detail, much to your relief. If you were wrong about that, you could’ve seriously fucked up the story. “Ah, yeah. That was me. Those guys were a real annoyance. If they’re gonna try and hunt me down they could at least make it difficult.” He eyed you for a moment. “I don’t remember seeing you though.” Couldn’t he be a tiny bit less observant? 

“I was a little bit away but it’s kinda hard to miss an entire group of students bolting through campus.” Okay, now try and get him to introduce himself. “I’m ___ by the way. I was only here earlier cause I’m still trying to figure out the layout of things around NRC.” You saw his ears perk up at that statement and tried not to freak it over how cute it was. “You new ‘round here? This late in the year?” Wasn’t exactly by choice buddy.

You nodded and vaguely explained the whole ‘no clue why you’re here but you are and you gotta make the best of it’ situation. He didn’t have to know you weren’t technically from Twisted Wonderland, just that you weren’t planning on being at NRC. Besides, there was really no point in hiding it from him - it would probably come out sooner or later. It was discussion of your supposed ‘unique magic’ that really got him going. 

“Man, something like that coulda really been useful back home. Lots of kids would’ve avoided a ton of trouble.” You nodded in understanding. You weren’t from the slums, but your family had frequent money scares as a kid. Even now, you often worried about day to day funds regardless of how much better things were. “You’re from the slums, right?” He looked surprised for a split second before assuming you used your power to figure it out, “Sure am. Wasn’t always easy down there. You wouldn’t believe how much trouble we used to get in when we’d steal food from the stores and sellers on the main street.” You’d never done it yourself, but it isn’t impossible to imagine. If anything, now was a good time to try and sympathize with Ruggie’s past.

“I know how it feels, dude. Freaking out over if my mom was gonna have anything to eat for dinner that night, trying to make every last cent stretch as far as possible. Hard to break those habits from when I was a kid.” The expression on his face clearly told you he wasn’t expecting you to understand where he came from. It was quiet for a moment before he tried to read you. Most of the people here had some sort of agenda, a plan. You though - you were just here for the sake of being here. Surely someone like that…

He looked behind himself before turning back to you. “I gotta go help out Leona but… you should come by Savanaclaw sometime. You ain’t half bad.” He gave one last grin before starting to go back to his dorm. “I’m Ruggie, by the way. Ruggie Bucchi.”

You gave an enthusiastic wave as you watched him go. 

“Nice to meet you, Ruggie!”

꧁꧂

Note to self: set an alarm when you plan to take a nap.

Secondary note to self: actually plan out your naps instead of crashing without realizing it.

Fixing your bed-head in the mirror and checking the time on your phone (around 6 in the evening), you left through the door to Ramshackle, saying goodbye to the ghosts of course, before going outside and realizing you had no idea where the cafeteria was. Seriously, they needed one of those amusement park type maps for this damn school. 

Yuu had given you Deuce’s phone number last night when you arrived since they didn’t have their own phone yet, but you weren’t even sure if it’d work here - and if it did then the international call fee would probably be astronomical. Plus, Deuce didn’t have the slightest clue about who you were.

“Hello?”

God, this was gonna be awkward. “Hey there! So uh… I’m Yuu’s dormmate and they don’t really have a phone right now and I was just wondering if they’re with you at all?” “Ah, yeah. Hold on.” You heard the sound of Deuce pulling his phone away from his ears and the smallest bit of conversation - the words “dormmate?” and “secret” being a part of that - before Yuu’s voice filled your ears. “___? Is everything okay?”

Was this the tiniest bit embarrassing? Probably, but you were way too hungry to care. “I’m starving and have no fucking clue where the cafeteria is in this place, dude.” Yuu let a small laugh out before saying they were actually there with a few of their friends right now. They gave you some directions and you thanked them before hanging up and making the small trek there. 

You started wondering if you’d see any other prominent characters while you were at dinner. You weren’t even sure which of them actually ate in the school’s cafeteria as opposed to the Mostro Lounge or in their own dorm halls. Even if they were to be eating in the same area as you it isn’t as if you could just waltz up to their table and demand them to start being your friend. If not suspicious then it would just come off as downright creepy.

The first thing you noticed once you arrived is that it was just as rowdy and unruly as any high school cafeteria. You’d barely made it through the doorway before two boys in Savanaclaw uniforms nearly mowed you down. Were all of them except Ruggie horrifyingly tall?

Hearing Yuu call out your name, you turned to see them smiling and waving you over to a table with Deuce, Ace… and Riddle? Was that normal? He seemed as if he was ready to pop a blood vessel with how out-of-sorts the entire room was. You tried to appear friendly as you walked over in hopes that he wouldn’t blow his lid - you weren’t exactly sure if he was still annoyed at you for quoting his post-overblot state.

“Hi everyone! My name i-” “I hope you’re aware your choice of clothing goes against one of the Laws of the Queen of Hearts.” Alright yeah, he was still mad. Thankfully, Deuce spoke up for you, “But they’re not in Heartslabyul, so it shouldn’t be an issue, right?” You smiled sheepishly before Riddle sighed and responded with, “I suppose so.”

You took a seat at the table as Yuu properly introduced you to their friends. Deuce said that your phone call to him was no big deal, as, “Any friend of Prefect Yuu is a friend of mine.” Ace seemed a little more prickly at first but if you could look past the fact he has his head up his own ass, he really isn’t that bad. Yuu gently coaxed Riddle into being less sharp with you since the whole conversation you had with the dorm leaders wasn’t really your fault. You’d discussed your entire magic mirror debacle with Yuu and they said Riddle wasn’t much to worry about - he’s pretty kind once you get past that exterior of his. “Well,” they added in as a second thought, “after he calmed down from his overblot I should say. He was a sort of cruel guy before that.” You were just happy you didn’t arrive in the middle of the Heartslabyul conflict, lest Riddle actually take off your head. 

Yuu slid you over a bowl of pasta, some apple juice and a cookie that you had asked them to grab you over the phone. You’d have to thank them for being such a sweetheart when you weren’t shoving food down your gullet. The table continued talking about their day and the event they had with Ruggie (after Yuu assured the other members of the table that you were completely trustworthy - which seemed a bit naive on their part in all honesty) when you heard an upbeat cry of your name.

“___!!! I didn’t know you were here!”

Kalim bounced over to you guys, Jamil in tow. Ace and Deuce looked a little shocked that he approached the table so casually, and as if you two were close as well. “I met him in the mirror chamber when I first got here,” you explained.

The Scarabia dorm leader looked tickled pink to see you again, not that he wasn’t friendly with pretty much everyone. “Jamil, this is the psychic I was telling you about!” Alright. Maybe a little too friendly.

You saw Ace nearly break his neck turning towards you as Deuce started coughing on some sort of dessert. Closing your eyes and rubbing your temples, you tried to chide the boy in a more subdued manner than normal. “Kalim, that isn’t exactly information I want spreading through the school.” You looked straight into his eye to try and get your point across, “There’s probably a good chunk of people who would try and take advantage of me if they knew, and God only knows how far they’d go to get what they wanted.” 

Maybe you were just overly paranoid, but you couldn’t help but feel like you’d stared at Jamil a little too long after explaining. His face twitched slightly as if you knew exactly what he was planning a few months from now, which in fairness you totally did - just not in the way he thought.

Kalim let out an apologetic laugh before trying to remedy the situation. You assured him you weren’t upset, just watching out for yourself. He leaned onto the table with his elbows and you saw Riddle try not to have an aneurism over the improper posture. “So, whatcha guys up to?”

The five of you glanced at each other for a moment before Riddle spoke up, “Just discussing tomorrow’s Magishift tournament. Shouldn’t you be doing the same?” Kalim gave a carefree smile before going into how Scarabia’s placement in the Magishift didn’t really bother him all that much. The eye contact you made with Jamil after he said this was totally unintentional, but there’s no way in hell someone as observant as him didn’t take notice of it. The chance that he knew that you knew something was up just got even higher. 

After a few more moments of light chatting with the two, they made their way back to the table. Jamil paused and turned back for a moment. “I hope the kitchen details I gave you earlier were helpful. If you need anything else, please do not hesitate to come visit Scarabia’s dorm.” His words were kind, but the look he gave you afterwards was anything but. Yeah, you were totally fucked.

Once they departed, Ace and Deuce looked like wild beasts ready to jump at you. “Psychic?! Like ‘future and crystal ball’ type psychic?” Ace questioned. You almost wanted to shut him down completely given that the chance of him blabbing to someone was pretty decent. 

“Okay, first of all, no crystal ball. That’s tacky and I don’t need one. Second of all, past, present and future, thank you very much.” You put a hand up once Ace’s mouth opened again, “And no, I won’t go into detail about future events. Doing that can mess up the timeline and cause them to change completely. Unless it’s a life or death situation, you’re not getting anything from me.” This excuse would minimize the chances of people bombarding you for future predictions at the very least. 

Ace leaned back and pouted a bit, mumbling about how lame it was that you wouldn’t tell him. “If you won’t bother to tell us the future, then you’re probably not even a real psychic.” Your eyes narrowed slightly at this statement. Racking your head for some bits and pieces you read from the wiki and fan translations, you tried to retaliate and prove him wrong (even though he technically wasn’t.)

“Hm? In that case, I could tell your older brother about how childish you’re acting. You know, that older brother of yours who used to go here? He probably wouldn’t like the fact you’re treating Heartslabyul’s name so poorly.”

Ace tried to sputter out a response as a small smirk appeared on Riddle’s face and Yuu gave a slightly sympathetic giggle. “You kinda asked for that one, Ace.” He composed himself before trying to defend his honor whilst also deciding not to mention that he was completely wrong about you. Deuce on the other hand gazed in awe before asking you a slew of questions about your magic ability. Hoping that vague and slightly bullshit responses would appease him, you gave back answers as fast as possible before telling Yuu that you were headed back to the dorm to sort out the rest of the things from your backpack and asking if Sam’s store was still open. Deuce let you know it didn’t close until 8 and you thanked him, waving goodbye to your new friends and telling them it was nice to meet them all.

You let out a small sigh of relief once you exited through the doors. Trying to keep this act up was proving to be slightly more tough than you originally expected. Maybe Crowley would accept “talking to literally anyone about my powers throws them out of whack” as an excuse for everyone to leave you alone.

“Something on your mind?”

You let out a terrified shriek before turning around and being faced with six feet and two inches of distrustworthy eel. All he did was offer a close eyed smile in return as you frantically looked around the hallway for other signs of life. Jade was incredibly high up on the “people I would never want to be alone with” list that you started to create when you arrived here. 

“Oh uh, nothing much. Just the old stressed out new student feelings, ahaha…” your laugh was more to convince yourself nothing was wrong than him. He placed a hand on his chin and showed off all his sharp teeth in a way that was subtly threatening in a best case scenario - you didn’t even wanna think about the worst case. 

Opening his eyes, he gave a coy smile before reacting to your “worries”, “Oh? In that case feel free to ask me any questions you might have.” You liked it better when he wasn’t looking at you. “Although, I have some questions of my own I’d like to ask you about first - such as how you managed to leave our Prefect in such a pitiful state after your visit.”

You thought hard for a few seconds before deciding there were two ways this could go. One, you play it off as nothing serious and risk him hounding you for answers for an undetermined amount of time. Two, you try and gain some semblance of an upper hand by letting him know how powerful you were. Okay well, powerful was maybe not the best term considering him or his brother could most likely turn you into paste if they so desired, but more so that whatever nonsense and tricks he’d try to pull wouldn’t fly with you.

“If you’re so curious about it then go ask him yourself. Don’t try shocking my heart either, it won’t work.” The look on his face was completely wiped for one of bemusement instead. He kept his unique magic under tight wraps - nobody except Azul, Jade and some of the faculty even knew what it was. So how in the world were you even remotely aware of it?

Feeling just a tad overconfident, you turned away to go finish the tasks you currently had on hand, sparing one last glance over your shoulder. “It’s hard to hide things from a psychic, Jade.” 

A foreign feeling coursed through Jade’s blood as he watched you continue on your way. Challenges like this rarely appeared for someone as conniving as him, and the fact you were able to face him like he meant absolutely nothing to you… it was exhilarating. He made a decision right then and there.

Jade would dissect every single part of your mind even if it killed him.

Chapter Text

“...And if I EVER catch you trying to sneak into my room again then I promise I will drop your ass off at the nearest cat shelter.”

Ignoring Grim’s cries about him not being a cat, you kicked him out of your dorm room after he woke you up by trying to enter. You have no idea what he wanted, and frankly you didn’t care. Regardless of what it was you were wide awake now and your brain clearly had no plans of letting you get back to sleep any time soon. 

Checking your phone and seeing it was nearly midnight, you sighed and put on a pair of slippers that were hanging around your room. Yuu seemed to be pretty safe whenever they went outside in the game, so it wasn’t unreasonable to think you would be as well. Maybe it would scare you shitless and you’d pass out, which counts as going back to bed as far as you were concerned. 

You tried to exit the Ramshackle dorm as quietly as possible but the insanely old and creaky floorboards had no intention of letting you do so. You just hoped Yuu was a heavy sleeper. 

If nothing else, the air outside seemed a million times crisper and more fresh than in the day. Whether it was your imagination or some sort of magic effect was unknown, but it felt relaxing anyway. Making sure to stay near some of the lamps that made it so you weren’t in the pitch dark, you slowly walked down the stone path outside of your dorm hall. Thoughts of upcoming events ran a marathon in your head and left you feeling restless. Trying to help alter the storyline to avoid overblotting and such was probably a good thing to do but at the same time this wasn’t really your world to tamper with in the first place. It’s not like morality was the end-all in Twisted Wonderland - NRC was literally a villain school for God’s sake.

Your train of thought was stopped short by a movement to your left and you immediately debated on which way to run like your ass was on fire. This motherfucker was tall and… had horns?

Oh my God. 

You were awestruck as the person came up towards you, obviously curious about why you were roaming around so late at night. Your sleep deprived state did you no favors as you spoke without thinking and let out an impeccable bout of wisdom.

“Holy shit, you’re Malleus.”

The fae in front of you looked completely unimpressed with your statement as he raised an eyebrow and tried to continue the conversation. “Yes, that would be me. May I ask who you are and why you’re so close to the Child of Man’s dorm?” Yikes, protective much? You knew that Malleus and Yuu had a good relationship since they were pretty much the only non-Diasomnia student who wasn’t petrified of him, but he could’ve said that a tiny bit nicer. Also, didn’t they just meet? Talk about weird.

You really shouldn’t be let out of your room while you were running off of an hour of sleep and a whole lot of spite because you just kept belting out winner’s today. “I’m Yuu’s dormmate, you dense ass dragon. Any more stupid questions or are you just gonna hover around here like a stalker?” You prayed to about 16 different deities after that comment because you were a rough 197% sure he was gonna murder you on the spot for your attitude towards him. 

Thankfully, you seemed to be a breath of fresh air compared to everyone else he spent his time with. He stared at you wide-eyed for a few beats before letting out a mildly unsettling string of laughs. You let out a breath that you weren’t even aware you had been holding and thanked whoever was listening for letting you live to see another day. 

“My, my. Dormmate you say? I do recall Lilia telling me about a little psychic who recently entered the school. From what I understand, you seem to be in the same predicament as the Prefect. Are you also a child of man?”

Did he always talk this much? “Uh, yeah, that’s me. All childish and… of man-ish.” You sounded about as intelligent as a bag of bricks, but the amused look on Malleus’ face made you feel a little bit less terrible about it. “You two literally just became friends though. Don’t you think it’s kinda creepy that you’re hanging around out here?”

He coughed into his hand before giving his tragic backstory about how everyone is scared of him, he has no friends, Yuu is special and different, yadda yadda. Not that you didn’t feel bad for the dude, but his voice really was about to make you pass out on the sidewalk and nap for a week. Forget Lilia’s lullaby’s - this was the good shit right here. 

Malleus took note of your deteriorating consciousness and put a hand out to steady your swaying form. “...Perhaps you should get back to your room.” You rubbed your eyes and tried to ignore how huge his hand was. He was hesitant to even tell Yuu his name, so why was he so much more relaxed around you? He already knew you were a psychic, so maybe he felt as if he didn’t have much to hide from you. 

Malleus walked you part of the way back (to make sure you didn’t fall over yourself, so he said) before letting you go on your own. Besides his mildly unnerving actions he was a pretty laid back guy. You really didn’t understand why everyone stayed away from him like he had the plague.  

Giving the best wave as your tired arm would let you, you wished Malleus a good night and went back into your dorm. It wasn’t until you got into bed and were basically asleep before what he said back to you actually set in.

“Good night, Clairvoyant.”

꧁꧂

You didn’t wake up until around 10 am the next morning which further proved your theory that Malleus’ voice was created to put people to sleep. After getting ready, you grabbed your small backpack and headed towards the festival that was occurring for the Magishift tournament. You’d made a pact with yourself to not interfere in the process of Leona’s overblot given the high chance it’d just make things worse, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t go enjoy the other parts it had to offer.

Upon your arrival the very first thing you saw was Azul and the Leech twins and your first reaction was to turn around and high-tail it out of there. Unfortunately, Floyd had other plans. 

“Aha~ Ducky!” Oh this dude cannot be serious right now.

Hanging your head and trying to disregard the six feet of eel coming in your direction, you took about two steps before he caught up and started to squeeze the life out of you.

“Ow, ow! Floyd! Cut it out before I lose an arm or something.” Said boy just giggled and slightly lessened his grip, “You know my name! You really are psychic, huh?” … I feel like that isn’t really impressive, but whatever makes him happy I guess. The real challenge of the hour happened once you saw Jade and Azul walking up to you and Floyd and you wondering if asking Floyd to squeeze you to actual death was a viable option right now.

“Oh? If it isn’t our interesting little human. I was hoping that you would show up today.” Jade’s smile made the idea of Floyd cutting off your circulation look more tempting by the second. “I’m sure Azul would agree, hm?”

Either Jade was fucking with you or he was worse at reading the room than you thought, because Azul looked ready to tie two cinderblocks to your feet and throw you in the ocean himself. Jade gave some weird motion to his brother as Floyd pouted and begrudgingly put you back on the ground. You immediately went to Azul’s side (he was somehow the least threatening of these three) and asked him to talk privately. He looked between you and the Tweels before having them go check on “the request from the client.” 

“You guys can just say the magic amplifier, you know. It’s not exactly a secret to me.” Hey, just because you were terrified doesn’t mean you couldn’t mess around with them. 

Azul slightly stiffened next to you while the twins did that creepy sharp toothed full smile and continued off to do the task Azul asked of them. He turned to you with an impatient look on his face and you felt the slightest bit guilty. You really were trying to help during that last conversation you had, no matter how invasive you seemed. It was really hard not to have a soft spot for him and you had just let your emotions get the best of you in the moment. Hopefully you could salvage any chance of having a friendship with him.

“I’m really sorry. I know I came off as nosy and encroaching during our talk in your office. This seems weird, but I honestly just want you to be happy.” Sticking your hand out, you offered up the friendliest smile you could muster. “Do you think we can be friends? I know it isn’t up your alley but I promise if I really wanted to know something about you, I wouldn’t exactly have to be friends with you.”

Azul stared at your outstretched hand. You were right (obviously) in saying he didn’t really “do” friendships. People only wanted to gain the upper hand on him, and he learned long ago not to trust them. That being said, he knew you were also correct in saying his friendship meant nothing to you from a business standpoint. He didn’t know the limits of your powers but evidently you had more info on him than he really liked. There was nothing for you to obtain from being his friend other than just that - being his friend. If anyone else tried this with him, he’d either force them into a contract or just tell them to take a hike but for some reason your clear earnestness was eating away at him. Could he really indulge in the companionship of someone new?

“... Fine.” Azul grabbed your hand and shook it while you had to resist the urge to smother him in a hug. “But I’m extremely busy right now, though I’m sure you’re aware of that.” You didn’t let his subtle jab deteriorate your happy mood and instead thanked him for forgiving you and making your way to one of the food stalls.

Azul shook his head and muttered “What a weird one,” under his breath before going to find the twins.

You indulged yourself in whatever the hell this weird dessert was as you went from stall to stall, looking at different snacks, magic items, accessories and everything in between. They really went all out for this festival, didn’t they?

You started to make your way to a wand stand when you caught sight of Ruggie and yelled out his name in greeting. It was about half a second after this that you realized this was most likely the part of the story where Ruggie raised hell amongst the crowd to try and immobilize Diasomnia. 

Ruggie froze and slowly turned towards you, discomfort written all over his face. He was following Leona’s orders right now, but you were so nice to him when you met and he really didn’t want to harm you. What if you already knew about his plan? Were you about to try and stop him?

He walked over to you and rubbed the back of his neck before speaking. “Hey ___, I’m busy right now actually but… can you do me a favor?” You nodded and tried not to show any visible hints that you knew what was about to go down. “I need you to go back to your dorm.” 

You could tell he was doing this because he wanted to avoid you getting hurt by his actions. Listening to what he told you would probably make him feel better and help strengthen your friendship with him, but if you disagreed and tried to remedy the situation it might be for the greater good.

...

“Okay.”

You never really were one for playing hero anyway.

Chapter Text

The thoughts were always worse at night.

You knew everyone would be fine - that no serious casualties would come out of Leona’s overblot. Should you have felt bad when Yuu came back? When you saw them covered in scratches and bruises and crying to Grim that they wished they could’ve stopped him from overblotting at all? You didn’t feel good but you didn’t feel guilty. You felt nothing, just as always. When people got hurt, when you got a perfect score on a test, when people cried with joy or with despair. What were you supposed to feel? All you knew how to do was copy the emotions of others and pretend like you were normal. It wasn’t your fault you were like this. Maybe it was your childhood coming back to remind you that because of what happened, you’d never be like everyone else. 

Whatever, I don’t care. Even your thoughts were lying to themselves. You turned off to the side and ignored the screaming in your head as you tried to sleep.

꧁꧂

The next morning, you were finishing getting ready for the day while you complicated on what to do. Given the magnitude of yesterday’s events, you figured bothering Ruggie probably wasn’t a great idea. Jade stared at you like a creep while you were leaving the festival, so you decided to ignore Octavinelle the next few days as well.

A knock onto the door shook you from your thoughts and you rushed over to open it and reveal… Riddle?

“What are you doing here?”

He ignored your question and entered the dorm anyway, grimacing at how dusty the room was. Turning around and placing his hands on his hips, Riddle glared at you so hard you were 90% sure you felt your lifespan going down. Clearly he came here with a goal in mind. “If you can see the future, then why didn’t you do anything to prevent yesterday’s overblot?”

Ah. That.

“The future is… weird. If I tell you something is gonna happen or whatever, then chances are you’ll do something to change the outcome without actually knowing you did.” Hopefully this would get you out of hot water for some other instances in the future. “From what I saw, the best way to handle it was not to say anything at all. He was gonna overblot no matter what, but if I had told you guys beforehand then the chances of someone getting fatally hurt or even killed would’ve been much higher.”

Riddle stared off to the side, most likely contemplating your words. It wasn’t technically a lie. There probably was a good chance that things could’ve gone way worse if you had intervened. Sure it sucked that Yuu and some of the others were a little scratched up, but it was better than being dead.

Turning his head back to you, Riddle looked slightly displeased but overall accepting of your answer. He couldn’t really fault you for trying to avoid a worse ending to their battle. You smiled sheepishly and tried to fill the mildly awkward silence that was occurring. 

“So uh, I know things are kinda rough between us and all but… do you think we could try being friends? Maybe?” You couldn’t have sounded less confident in your words if you tried.

Riddle scoffed and turned towards the door, getting ready to leave. Alright then, just say you hate my guts. “Is that a no?”

You could see the tips of his ears blushing a furious red, almost competing with his hair. “... We already are.”

He slammed the door (probably out of embarrassment) and stormed off to God-knows where. Hey, at least you had another friend apparently.

꧁꧂

In your defense, you had absolutely no plans to show up at Scarabia’s dorm. It was as if you were sleepwalking during the day when you suddenly came to and realized how miserably hot it was here. Guess being “stuck in your thoughts” or whatever was a real thing.

Were you allowed to just walk in? Kalim probably wouldn’t care but Jamil was a different story. He either didn’t like you or he was planning to use you in his big “overthrow Kalim as prefect” plan, which you were not going to partake in regardless. 

You opened the grandiose front doors and stared in awe at the overload of golden decorations and silks that could pay the entirety of your college tuition. Laughter and jokes from the other Scarabia members could be heard throughout the halls. For a dorm that got their shit kicked in during MagiShift, they were pretty joyous. 

“___!!!” You turned around and smiled at the sight of Kalim running towards you, Jamil not too far behind. “Hi Kal-”

■■■■■

Huh?

■■■■■

Where am I?

Your body felt lightweight, and when you looked down you couldn’t even see it. No longer were you in Scarabia’s dorm hall, but in the courtyard, looking at a scene in which you didn’t belong. Ace, Deuce, Vil, Epel… you hadn’t even met the latter two yet. Why were you here?

You tried to scream out to them but your voice was silenced - an outsider who served no purpose. Was that all your life had for you? To be nothing but the “other”, a second thought or a last pick. Even in a different world, you couldn’t escape the cards you had been dealt.

Trying to make out what was being said, you willed your body to move closer and hear the conversation between all of them.

“Let us go, Epel.” That was Vil. “But I—I don’t really want to do this—!” “Have you forgotten your promise with me already? Come along now.”

This… this hadn’t happened yet. This wasn’t in any main story or side story or event story. This was new, uncharted territory. You didn’t know what was happening but you yearned for answers so badly.

■■■■■

“-__!”

■■■■■

“Are you okay? Please wake up!”

Your eyes shot open as you gasped loudly and tried to sit up way too quickly. You were on the floor with Kalim by your side, one of his hands on your back and the other on your arm as Jamil stood behind him with a confused and slightly horrified expression on his face. Was that…?

“___? You just passed out! What happened?”

You could barely see your hands shaking and every part of your body screamed at you to run away from NRC as fast as you possibly could. There’s no way this could be happening - it didn’t make any sort of logical sense. 

“___?”

“... I think I just had a vision.”

Chapter Text

Here is a cohesive list of the things you’ve learned since coming to Twisted Wonderland:

1. No matter how badly people wish animals could talk in your world, it’s not nearly as great as it seems and they’ll most likely just beg you for food until you wanna rip your hair out.
2. The fish cannibalism industry is thriving and nobody who participates seems to question the semantics behind it.
3. Apparently if you lie hard enough about something then it will come true.

After helping you stand back up, Kalim started talking about how your eyes went all “blue and purple and sparkly and WOW what’s it like? Whatja see? Can I guess?” before Jamil covered his mouth and apologized. To them, you having a vision should be totally normal for you since you did say it was your magic power and all. In actuality, you were trying really hard not to throw up in fear over how in Whoever-The-Hell’s name that even happened. You know that one episode of Spongebob where there’s like 30 of him freaking out and setting his brain on fire? You felt like that times roughly 100.

“Did you see something super scary? You’re sweating! … Like a lot.” Tactfulness wasn’t Kalim’s strong suit but he could’ve made it sound a little less disgusting. Shaking yourself out of your current internal meltdown and trying to gather your thoughts, you only replied with “Uh, yeah. Something like that.”

Jamil cleared his throat and stepped forward, putting his hand on your forehead. Oh God, oh fuck oh good Lord above in heaven he’s touching me he’s touching me holy shit why is his hand so smooth- “Hm. It seems as if you’re running a fever - quite a high one at that. I’ll escort you back to your dorm, I wouldn’t want anything to happen if you were to make the walk back on your own.” You couldn’t tell if his smile was something straight out of a cheesy shoujo manga or if you really were hallucinating from a fever. 

Kalim gushed for a moment over how dependable Jamil was before the two of you left and headed to Ramshackle. It was dead silent between you two as Jamil tended not to start conversations in general and you were terrified of fucking up and having him murder you and leave your body out for whatever freaky creatures roamed around at night.

… Okay he probably wouldn’t actually kill you, but the fear was still there.

“___, a moment if you would.” You hadn’t even realized you were way ahead of him, too busy thinking of an escape plan if this all went horrifically south. You turned around and looked at him before noticing this weird purple aura around him and getting to ready to ask if he needed a minute befor-

Wait.

Purple aura? Didn’t that mean…

“The person reflected in your eyes shall be your Master.” Oh fuck. “You shall answer when you are asked, and you shall obey when you are ordered. Snake Whisper.”

…….

Was something supposed to happen?

Jamil didn’t notice his unique magic hadn’t done jack shit on you and began speaking. “Whatever it is you’re planning, cease it immediately. I will not have anything getting in the way of my plans.” You weren’t planning anything, but you were too distracted by the shapes in Jamil’s eyes to say that. You assumed it was a side effect of using his magic but that didn’t make it any less pleasing to look at.

“... You’re really beautiful.”

Jamil instantaneously snapped out of using Snake Whisper and started sputtering all sorts of nonsense towards you. You couldn’t tell if he was freaking out over the fact you called him beautiful or that his unique magic didn’t work on you. 

“Oh, sorry about that. I probably shouldn't have been so blunt.” Given the fact he was starting to resemble Riddle, you figured trying to remedy the situation was the best course of action. “I’m not lying though.”

Jamil quickly regained his focus on the task at hand and no longer tried to hide what he was really thinking at the moment. He realized there was no point in trying to hide it from you, especially since Snake Whisper didn’t work on you. If you knew exactly what he was plotting for the future, will everything he’s been working on get turned to rubble?

A good person, a good friend would tell Kalim that Jamil was planning to overthrow him. They’d tell one of the teachers in order to avoid someone getting hurt, whether it be physically or emotionally. But if the Scarabia chapter taught you anything, it was that Jamil and Kalim needed a serious reform on their friendship in order for things to work out between them. If that was the case, then it’s better you don’t do anything to ruin it for them.

That, or you just weren’t a good person to begin with.

“I’m not gonna tell Kalim.” Your voice was hushed and didn’t sound like it belonged to you at all. Jamil looked doubtful at your statement and you couldn't really blame him. Anyone with the slightest shred of sanity would acknowledge that his scheme wasn’t really high on the morality side of things. “It’s not my place to intervene. This is an issue between you two and it should get solved by you two.”

It was quiet as you two stood there. You looked at everywhere except his eyes while he studied you as if you were some otherworldly creature. Technically I am, to be fair. “You…” he broke the silence, “You’re really weird.” 

Jamil clearly had no interest in finishing the trek back to the Ramshackle dorm and instead turned around and started to make his way back to Scarabia. He looked at you once more before sighing and shaking his head. “I don’t know what kind of person you are, and that really pisses me off.” He didn’t give you a chance to reply before he began to walk back on his own.

To be honest, you didn’t know what kind of person you were either.

Chapter Text

After your conversation with Jamil, you’d came back to the Ramshackle dorm and proceeded to immediately pass out on your bed. You were about 90% sure Yuu had tried to ask you something or other about the whole Magishift overblot thing but you were way too drained emotionally to even comprehend English at the moment. The two of you hadn’t really talked since it all went down given that they were trying to patch up the last few issues roaming around campus. 

God,  Yuu was such a good person. 

Shoving whatever negative though was about to make itself be known to the back of your head, you stretched and got ready for the day. Your classes officially started today and not missing breakfast was the most important thing on your list. Not only did you desperately need the energy, but the food here was also just really fucking good. Yuu had left a little earlier than you, something about getting Grim his “special tuna” for breakfast, but said they’d save you a seat with the rest of their friends. You walked through the door and started to head towards the dining hall whilst thinking about the best way to convince Crowley that some sort of bus system would really help with all this walking you had to do.

“Headed somewhere?”

The scream that left you was enough to make at least twenty students look your way and cause three different flocks of birds to freak out and fly off somewhere. After catching your breath and letting your heart rate go down, you saw Lilia dangling upside down in front of you with Malleus by his side. Huh, maybe that’s why the other students started running away. “Hi Lilia, Hi Tall, Dark and Brooding.” The joke didn’t click with Malleus considering his facial expression, but you thought it was funny anyway. “I’m just headed off to breakfast, why?”

Lilia floated himself back to being rightside up before glancing at his companion for a second and smiling at you. That could only mean he’s totally about to ruin your life. “I heard from a little birdy of mine that you had quite the vision in the Scarabia dorms.” See? Life ruining shit right there.

“Aha, uh, yeah I… sorta did. Nothing I’m not used to though! It was just very… strong. Yeah, yeah, strong.” I sound like an idiot right now. Lilia nodded to himself while Malleus gazed at you. “Such magic is few and far between in this world. Even my own grandmother would have difficulty grasping onto an ability like this.” For the love of God, you really just wanted to get some fucking breakfast. “Yeah well you know, the world works in mysterious ways or whatever. Are we done here?"

Lilia reached over to pat your head which was really weird considering you were taller than him. “Eager to continue on with your new life? It really is so refreshing to see youth explore the world around them.” Malleus spoke up while Lilia coddled you, “We simply wanted to see if your powers were a myth or not. Thank you for indulging in our curiosities.” 

Lilia smiled and disappeared before your very eyes. Malleus hesitated before saying, “I hope to see you around, Clairvoyant,” and doing the same. Man, those guys were some serious weirdos. You shook off the unsettling feeling that lingered after they left and continued towards your destination. Hopefully Yuu grabbed you something to eat before it all disappeared. 

Walking through the doors to the cafeteria, you saw the back of Jade (or Floyd’s) head for half a second before ducking behind a crowd of students and navigating towards the table where your kinda-sorta-friends were and plopping yourself next to them. You couldn’t ignore the Leeches forever especially since you and Azul were on mildly okay terms now, but you sure as hell could try. 

“Is everything okay ____?” Ah, sweet and pure Deuce. Things could not be more wrong at the moment. Yuu pushed over a tray of eggs, crepes, and chocolate milk before giving you a sympathetic smile. The only thing you had said to them last night were, “Visions SUCK,” so you figured they had a pretty good idea of how you felt right about now. 

“I’m fine Deuce. I just had a kinda stressful vision yesterday is all.” This of course launched Deuce and Ace into a mildly annoying game of twenty questions with you as Riddle and Yuu listened in. Despite how chaotic it was, something about the atmosphere put you at ease. These were people you could relax around and not have to think eighteen steps ahead during every conversation. 

So why were you refusing to open up at all?

You excused yourself once done and the table wished you luck on your first day of class. Riddle had talked with you and apparently you two weren’t lucky enough to be placed in your first class. It was a little disheartening but it could be worse - you could only pray that you’d be spared from the Leeches while you attended your lesson.

Evidently, your prayers went unanswered.

“____, it looks as if you’ll be joining me for today's lecture. I do hope we can get along.” You debated on turning right back around the second Jade said those words to you, but Trein was way too intimidating to excuse skipping his class. You simply sighed and took a seat as far away from Jade as possible, but he simply followed you and made himself comfortable next to you. His close eyed smile stayed perfectly placed on his face as you dropped your head onto the desk and groaned. Too tired to pick your head back up, you looked at him while your textbook acted as a makeshift pillow. “You know, I’d be more willing to talk to you if you were less creepy.”

“Oh, but where’s the fun in that?” You thought about humoring with a response when you saw Jamil walk into the room from the corner of your eye. Fuck, you totally forgot Jade mentioned sharing class with him in Scarabia’s story.

This school year was gonna be miserable.

Chapter Text

Trein’s endless droning was subjectively the best part of your morning. Given the fact both Jade and Jamil were relatively diligent in their schoolwork, neither of them tried to bother you while class was going on. Regardless of your work ethic back home, the stuff here didn’t really matter to you which in turn led to an hour of daydreaming and checking your phone when the professor wasn’t hunting you down to make sure you were paying attention. 

The second the release bell rang, you grabbed your bag and booked it out of the room so fast you were sure cartoon smoke was behind you. Those two in one room was not something you wanted to deal with this early in the morning.

Or at all, in general, ever.

Shaking your head, you looked down at the class schedule Crowley had given you. It wasn’t like a normal high school with class after class and a few minutes in between and instead fit more like a college schedule. Which like, to be fair, you are at Night Raven College. 

While contemplating what to do for the next 40 minutes before your class started, you somehow missed the literal robot flying around campus frantically until he smacked directly into you. 

“Good fucking God, that hurt,” If robots could cry, you probably just made this one have a breakdown.

“My sincerest apologies! I didn’t mean to hurt you!” You stopped groaning for a moment to look at whatever hit you so hard it felt like a bat to the skull, and realized that baby robot himself was floating in front of you. Oooooh my God. Son. Son right there. I want to adopt him right now.

“Don’t worry about it, you seem to be pretty freaked out.” He shook his head so fast you thought it would just straight up detach from his body.

“Yes, yes! My older brother isn’t in his dorm room, or in Ignihyde at all, and he never leaves. Never! I have to find him right now. Who knows what could be happening to him!” You were like 85% sure there was literal smoke coming from him right now. Is this what happens when robots get stressed? Will there suddenly be an influx of roomba based explosions if too much work gets put on them?

“Well, I haven’t seen your brother but if I notice anything I can tell you.” Idia was probably hiding in a hole somewhere, but the gesture was more to be nice than anything helpful.

A large smile covered Ortho’s face as he grabbed your hand and shook. “Yes, thank you so much! My name is Ortho and my big brother’s name is Idia. Please come to Ignihyde if you know anything! Thank you very much! Bye-bye!” and then he took off to who knows where. God, he was too precious for words. You briefly wondered if Idia would share custody of him with you before continuing on your way to… somewhere. You hadn’t figured it out yet but you’d probably pass by something of interest to fill in the rest of your free period. 

꧁꧂

Okay so, when you had said “pass by something,” you had meant of your own accord. What had actually happened was the sound of a stampede behind you and realizing it was about four stressfully large Savanaclaw students. Clearly everyone else didn’t feel like messing with them, because your screams as they carried you back to their dorm did absolutely nothing to save you. You’re pretty sure you at least bruised two of them from your kicking and punching and they luckily didn’t try to eat you or anything, so it could’ve gone worse. 

Well, actually the “worse” part was happening right now.

In your ideal plan for being stuck here, contact with one Leona Kingscholar was in the top three things you didn’t want to happen. His attitude on it’s own was enough to ward you away, but the fact he could be temperamental and turn you into a sandcastle if something went wrong? Not exactly what you’d consider a good time. 

“So uh, why am I here?”

You’re pretty sure the chair you were sitting in while you were forced to be in his dorm room was bruising your ass. Plus, you very much still had classes today. Just because he didn’t feel like going does not mean you were gonna skip too. 

It was silent for a few more beats before Leona spoke up. “Did you know anything that was gonna happen?” You avoided eye contact with him. It’s obvious what he was talking about but you didn’t really wanna discuss it with anyone at all, never mind the one who caused the whole thing. 

He growled and slammed his fist on his side table before asking again, significantly more agitated than before. “Did you know? About what would happen at the MagiShift tournament?”

“... Yes.”

“You knew it wouldn’t work?

“Yes.”

“You knew that I would overblot?”

“Yes.”

“And you did absolutely nothing to prevent any of it from happening?”

Your voice caught in your throat before you could supply an answer. Why didn’t you help? The whole “future-could-be-changed” spiel you always went on was completely baseless and probably not true at all and even if they didn’t know that, you did. What was stopping you from just… being a good person?

“... No, I didn’t.”

He sat back and exhaled loudly, clearly both satisfied and dissatisfied with your response. You could feel him staring at you while you aimlessly gazed out his window and observed the rest of the Savanclaw dorm. What else was there to say? You could’ve helped, you didn’t, end of story. It was a villain school so this sort of thing shouldn’t come as a shock. Not that you were a villain in the sense, but you sure as hell felt like one after that. 

“Whatever. It’s done with now, and at least I know you’re not a pathetic goody two shoes like that other damned herbivore.” Well, fair enough. At least there’s that. You still didn’t look at him though, now actually distracted by the two boys chasing their tails down below. You sort of wanted to see if they’d manage to catch them. “Ruggie seems to like you.”

All right, that got your attention. You turned back as Leona stretched and got ready to take a nap or something. Seriously? Like you weren’t in the middle of a conversation. All he said after was, “If Ruggie’s good with you, then you’re probably fine,” before closing his eyes and going to sleep. 

… Could you leave?

He cracked one eye open while looking mildly annoyed with you. “Well? Get out.”

That answers that question. 

You silently got up and looked at him once more before leaving him room and making your way back to the Savanclaw exit. You didn’t see Ruggie on your way out so hopefully he was being a good egg and actually attending class. Checking your phone, you realized there was still a good 25 minutes before you had to leave to get back to class. Damn, those Savanaclaw kids ran way faster than you realized.

You entered through the mirror to get back and tried to ignore the nauseous feeling it gave you. That was one thing you weren’t getting used to any time soon. Once you were out, you remember there was a library right next to your next class. Might be worth it to go look at a book or two and figure out how the hell things worked at the school.

꧁꧂

Thanking the three eyed monster-goblin-lady-thing for checking you in and guiding you on where to find what, you grabbed a few hefty tomes? Were these tomes? You’d obviously never used one before, so you couldn’t say for certain but you grabbed them anyway and looked for a spot to sit down. Might as well slam through a couple pages before leaving for Potions class. 

A small sliver of familiar lavender hair caught your eye as it tried to make itself non-existent behind a gigantic textbook. Seriously, what the hell could be in that thing? You walked over to whoever it was and confirmed your suspicions before saying his name.

“Excuse me? Epel?” 

He jumped out of his skin before slamming his book down out of fear and looking towards you. It was silent for a moment and he tried to make himself invisible before realizing it wasn’t working and quietly speaking to you.

“Do… do I know you?”

You shook your head and sat down across from him. “Nope. Well, not technically. My name is ____, the new student that kinda showed up.” 

He looked confused and played with his hands for a second before responding. “I thought that was Yuu…”

Oh, right. He wasn’t really involved with the story at this point. “Ah, different new student. Vil wasn’t there when I had to go through the whole mirror dorm assignment thing, but I’m newer than Yuu. It’s only my first day today.” 

He nodded and avoided looking at you. It’s only been a couple months since the start of the school year, but has Vil already gotten to him?

You smiled as softly as you could without being creepy and spoke up once more. “Hey uh… this is kind of a secret, so don’t go spilling it, okay?” He nodded while you continued. “I’m actually a psychic, so if there’s anything you’re worrying about or concerned over… I probably have a good idea of why.”

His face dropped and tears began to well. He quickly wiped them away before vehemently denying things you haven't even brought up. You tried your best to calm him down and helped wipe his tears considering he was freaking out too much to do so. 

“Hey, hey, don’t worry. I’m not gonna tell Vil or anything about what you think. You’re allowed to feel however you want towards someone who treats you that horribly.” He started breathing normally and apologized for freaking out. 

“It’s okay, I don’t blame you.” You look at the clock and swore under your breath before glancing back at Epel. “My class is about to start, but if you ever need anything, I’m apart of the Ramshackle dorm, okay?” He nodded as you picked up your bag and you gave him a wave. “I hope you feel better.”

He fidgeted for a second before replying. “Um… thank you.”

You really felt bad for him. He was probably so excited to come to NRC and for it to be crushed because of an awful dorm leader… poor kid.

He departed in the opposite direction as you, probably headed to whatever lesson he needed to be at. Speaking of, you had to hurry before missing your next one. Being a victim of Divus’ pointer stick thing wasn’t something you were really gunning for. 

꧁꧂

You were a little sweaty and probably gross, but on-time nonetheless. There were a few minutes to go before class started, so you took a seat next to Riddle once you saw him. Obviously whoever was controlling humanity from upstairs felt bad for you and let you off easy for now. 

“Hey Cherry, how’s it hanging?”

He groaned and let his head fall on the desk. “I already have to deal with that insufferable fish, now you’re giving me a stupid name too?” 

You yawned and placed your bag next to you before taking a seat. “Nah, I’ll cut it out if you want me to. Just thought it’d be fun or something.” He looked up at you and lifted his head from the desk before sighing and fixing his hair. He was actually super adorable in his school uniform, kind of a shame you didn’t see it more often.

“You can do whatever you please.” Ah, so the tsun comes out. “Regardless, I think it’s important t-

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Ḯ̶̢͔̙̬̘̤͙͓̺̤̩̱̗̓̃̽͗͘͘ͅt̷̞̘̼̣̥͇̻̠̯̥͇̜̺̠̯͖̬͐̔͑̉͂̆͜'̶̨̲̦̪̭̤͔̮̝̈́̀̂̑̍̇́̑̏͋̓͛̃͐̂͘͠͝s̶̨̢̼̮͎͙̩̠̜̮͖̭̺̹̺̞̦̮̐͆͊̂̅̈́͂̇͌̾̂̑́̊̈́͝͝͠ ̸̨̰͔̘̻͓͙̯̹̱̬͕͇͇̮͍̯̈́̎͌̑͊͗̈́͋͐̌̈́̔̏͛̾̚n̷̢̨̘̼͕͎̙̳̜̘͖̙͎̎̊͛̋̃̀̈́͌̽͆̕͘͝͝õ̴͔̹̓̈́̇̓͂̚͠͠͝ţ̷̛̖̟̘̻̪͔̮͔̙̼͓͕̣̲͛̊̓̉̉͜͠ ̵̨̛͓̬͈͈̭̲͙̻̩͇̐̀̿̑̇̊́̎̋̓̑̈͒͠f̴̛̹̳̼͔̫̪̤͗̎̔̊̇͑̃a̶̻̣̖̤͓͎̳͂̾̈́̃̍̿́̌͋̃͌̒̾̆͝i̶̧̛̥̮͕̣̠̺͇͕̖̔̍͛̅͊̓̔̏̊̓̄͑͆͂̂͂͝ṟ̴̡̛̻̪̤̤̩̞͙̜̱̋͊͐̐̇̄̒̍͛͆̀̄̎̆͘͘

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???

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Į̷̉̋ṯ̴̈́'̶̱̐̓s̶̡͈̍ ̵̭͋͝ņ̸̬̓o̴̪͊ͅt̴͌ ̸͑ͅf̵͔͂ȧ̷̘i̷̝̐r̴̜

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“IT’S NOT FAIR!”

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… Since when have your eyes been full of such hatred?

Chapter Text

You were jarred awake by a bloodcurdling scream ringing in your ears. It was only after Riddle busted down the door and questioned what was wrong that you realized the scream came from you. Disoriented and throat hurting, you asked him to explain why exactly you were in the school’s infirmary.

He took a seat on your medical bed before offering an explanation. “We were just talking normally when your eyes turned into something… inhuman. I’ve never seen anything like it before. This weird glow came from you before you collapsed before Professor Crewel ordered me to take you here.” Oh, well isn’t that just a bucket of fun?

You slumped back into your bed and tried not to freak out again. That last vision of yours felt like a straight up nightmare. Black and empty, a sense of dread overtaking your body despite not physically being in that moment. You never wanted to experience it again.

You and Riddle sat in silence for the next few minutes - with you being horrifically stressed about your predicament and Riddle just not knowing where to carry the conversation. He looks almost uncomfortable around you but makes no motion to get up and leave, instead choosing to avoid eye contact with you and bounce his leg up and down. 

You opened your mouth to let Riddle know he didn’t have to stay with you, but words tumbled from his mouth before you could get anything out.

“That-that thing. When you had that vision. There was a part before you collapsed where you screamed so loudly I thought the windows would break.” The hand of his that’s holding onto yours starts twitching. You didn’t even notice he was grasping onto it for dear life until now, and your stress levels skyrocketed. “I’ve never heard anyone in that much pain in my entire life.”

What could you even respond with to that? ‘Damn dude, that blows. It was fucking terrifying, thanks for asking.’ You weren’t about to let him, or anyone for that matter, know just what you saw. 

“I feel much better now, if that helps. It’s probably just a side effect I didn’t know about or something.” Riddle let go of your hand when you started raising your arms to stretch and let out a yawn that would put every beastman at this school to shame. He let out a cough and tried to hide his smile. “Anyway, thanks for sticking by me and all that jazz. You didn’t have to wait or anything. You’re a good friend,” you told him as you went to grab your schoolbag. He must’ve brought it along when he…

Actually, how did he even get you here? Those noodle arms weren’t doing much for him and you somehow doubted he could carry you without help. You ignored it regardless in favor of staying grateful he did anything at all. 

The pair of you made your way to the door to re-enter civilization. Riddle had informed you that you’d been out cold for a little over two hours and that Crowley gave you permission to miss the rest of today. Even if he acted like an unreliable nutcase, he would prefer that his students didn’t die in the middle of class.

You decided to go back to the library after you and Riddle departed from each other, with him reminding you Heartslabyul’s door is always open in his own off-putting, mildly tsundere way. You hadn’t really gotten to read much of anything earlier in the day and hoped there was a book about the semantics of suddenly gaining magical powers. Maybe not everyone here was born with magic and then manifested it later in their life, so surely there should be something to help you out.

꧁꧂

If the author of this book wasn’t probably dead, you’d kiss them.

You’d scoured some of the more historical and research-based texts before finding a sort of memoir-esque book by one Milvis Sativey in the way back of the library, completely caked by dust. Man, the names here were weird.

Apparently he had conducted some sort of scientific experiments about exposure of magic to a non-magic user, which confirmed your hypothesis of them existing here. The point was to see if the human body would adapt to the conditions and find a way to harness magic ability if it was forced onto it in a way that doesn’t directly cause harm, or if it would be completely rejected due to not having the necessary functions to handle it at all.

Subject #14

Day 72

Patient is seemingly a success. 

As viewed with Subject #8, much of magical ability is derived directly from one’s mental viewings and emotional ability to conduct spells. Subject #14, after being convinced she can move objects with her mind, has successfully moved a ceramic plate 106 centimeters across an enclosed room. Not the largest distance moved, but a boon nonetheless. 

Previously deemed as magicless, once the brain has informed the body formerly impossible tasks are now do-able with power that could not have been accessed before, the body complies and discovers a way to harness the magic within our air and implant it for usage. 

It is critical that a few further conditions are met.  The user must have an intense desire to have their own magic ability, and must be able to visualize the act happening before them. It is also only possible if the user is exposed to copious amounts of magic within a short period of time. The excess left behind from spells or the aura of powerful users suffices well enough. This acts as a sort of fuel to kickstart the body as it can produce no mana of it’s own at the start. 

Observed side effects of this method include memory loss of the event, a painful and near-radioactive glow emitting from the users eyes, mouth, or surrounding their body, and in the case of Subject #12, a psychotic breakdown before combustion of one’s body.

Research to be halted until the chance for death is slightly lowered. 

Fucking stellar.

You closed the book with your trembling hands and tried to steady your breathing. There was a chance you were going to die all because of some stupid fucking thing you said on a whim and this world’s sick idea of fun took it literally. 

Making sure nobody was watching you, you quietly slid the book into your backpack. Nobody else needed to see this and start theorizing all sorts of nonsense. Also, you were just horribly paranoid someone would figure out that’s how you got your power. 

By the time you finished your little meltdown over the possibility of your future, dinner had rolled around and you figured you should head down to the dining hall so nobody would come questioning you and make you talk about the whole vision thing from earlier. 

This sucked. Just everything about it sucked. You never asked to be here, never asked to be forced into a situation you had no business being a part of. Why the hell should all these other people’s problems matter to you? If Yuu wanted to play martyr and sacrifice themselves for the “greater good” or whatever happy-go-lucky bullshit it would be classified as, then that was on them. You had no obligations to destroy yourself for someone else. You haven’t forgotten the looks Riddle and Leona gave you when you had admitted you did nothing to try and remedy the overblot situation. Even if for a split second, it was obvious they didn’t consider you near the top of any sort of morality ladder.

You muttered out a quick and empty “sorry” to whoever you bumped into as you entered the dining hall, not expecting them to reply.

“It’s been awhile since we’ve spoken, has it not?”

Not him, I am so not in the mood for this.

Spinning around and looking Jade directly in his creepy ass eyes, you got to your point immediately. 

“Look, I don’t know what you want from me, and I’m starting to really not give a shit either. Just hurry the fuck up and kill me, or blackmail me, or whatever the hell it is you wanna do so we can move on and all this stupid stuff can be over with, because I’m really tired of you hovering around like some stalker and if you’re trying to be friends with me or whatever, you’re doing a really awful job at it.”

One beat of silence. Two. Three.

Jade was silent during that moment before composing himself once more and letting out the smallest laugh. You had half a mind just to leave because you could feel your blood pressure rising by the second.

“A temper like that might cause for some rather unsavory situations, don’t you think?”

“I really don’t care.”

His eyes narrowed momentarily as he spoke up, “Friends you say? I’ve never desired something such as that, yet I can’t lie and say you haven’t piqued my interest.”

That whole psychotic breakdown thing might happen right now instead of later if he didn’t leave you alone.

“Awesome, great. Can I go eat now?”

He nodded and you turned around to go walk into the dining hall when a really cold grip latched onto your wrist. Whipping your head back to look at Jade, he simply started walking in whilst dragging you behind him. 

“What the fuck are you doing?”

“Friends eat meals together, do they not?” Ah. You should’ve known that would come back to bite you in the ass. The two of you walked right by your normal table, where Ace looked horrified, Deuce looked betrayed, Yuu looked concerned, and Riddle looked like he was going to blow up the entire establishment. You simply mouthed a ‘sorry’ to them as Jade kept moving forward. 

Azul and Floyd were sitting at a table with only four seats, meaning it was just perfect enough for you to join. Fantastic. Upon spotting you, Azul stiffened and Floyd looked like he just won the lottery. You were really hoping that combustion thing would hit right about now.

“Ducky! You came to play!”

“Not of my own free will, I didn’t.”

Azul cleared his throat before pointing his fork at you like it was making some sort of statement. Who was he, Riddle? “Yes, well, such things are to be expected when you find yourself involved with Jade.”

The said Leech had you sit down with an empty seat next to you, presumably for him. Man, Azul’s salad looked absolutely miserable. It was providing a subpar distraction from Floyd’s sparkling eyes though, so you weren’t in any place to complain. 

Jade went over to get the two of you dinner, knowing you’d probably high tail it if you were left alone for more than three seconds. You should’ve forced him to take you with him, because right now Floyd was shaking you around so hard your brain was probably bouncing around your skull like a marble. You couldn’t even focus on what he was telling you because you were trying not to throw up from your newly developed motion sickness. Azul chided him after a minute or so, saying that he had something to discuss with you. You only needed one guess as to what it was about.

“So, I heard you caused quite the spectacle in Crewel’s class today.” There it was.

“Uh, yeah. Vision gone slightly haywire.” Jade had arrived back with some scary looking fish thing for himself and what looked like an absolutely banger plate of chicken parmesan for you. You continued speaking as he placed both dishes in front of you two, “Riddle had to take me to the infirmary before the class could even officially start.”

Jade froze briefly before resuming eating his meal. Azul’s eyebrow raised and Floyd squealed with an, “Ooooh, this is gonna be fun!” while you wondered if there was a punchline or something here. What was so interesting about that?

You turned to your forced companion to question him. “You wanna tell me why they’re acting weird...er than usual.”

“Not particularly.” Oh. Cool.

Azul questioned you more about the vision and how exactly it works in the first place (you don’t know) and Floyd offered to force you to have one (again, don’t know how that’d work but you really didn’t want to find out) while you ignored Jade’s blatant staring directly at you while you spoke. The air of discomfort you held wasn’t well hidden, but Jade seemed to disregard it anyway. 

By the time you had all finished eating, you were getting ready to go back to your normal table for a second to explain why you didn’t eat with them as Azul and Floyd dismissed themselves, leaving you and Jade alone for a small stretch of time. You wanted to book it back without saying anything, but that moment from earlier still bothered you. Better to squash the curiosity now than let it fester, you supposed. 

“What was up with that weird instant from before? After I told you about going to the infirmary?”

This was the only time today Jade wasn’t staring into your damn soul, instead focusing intensely on your friends across the room. You decided snarky comments weren’t the best play right now, considering how deathly serious he seemed to be.

“Riddle… was he the one who carried you there?”

Well, you weren’t exactly awake to know, but it was probably the best assumption. “I guess so. I didn’t really bother to ask.”

Gone was that usual teasing light in Jade’s eyes as he turned towards, now replaced by something more dangerous. Primal. 

“In that case, I have to say I’m not fond of someone else placing their hands on you in such a way.”

You knew Jade was tall to begin with, but you became so much more self aware of it as he stood and towered over you, his hand making it’s way to grasp your chin. Holding your breath, you couldn’t even formulate a response to anything happening right now. If anyone was staring at you two, it wasn’t important enough to be pointed out by either of you. He got ever so slightly closer as any sign of joking or playfulness completely diminished from his person. 

“Please take care to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”

And then he was gone.

Chapter Text

It must’ve been ten seconds at most, but it felt as if hours had passed as you stood there trying to get your brain functioning again. You didn’t even know if students were staring at you or not, too shaken up over Jade’s actions to even process anything except that your chin felt like it was on fire in the exact spot he touched.

The daze was rather short lived, as one pissed off dorm prefect came storming towards you ready to start smacking bitches over the head with his staff. 

“What the hell was that?!”

Deuce, Ace and Yuu followed behind Riddle, with Ace seemingly pissed off like Riddle and the other two more sympathetic (scared?) for your unfortunate encounter. Riddle tapped his foot impatiently as bystanders started to look away from your little group. Smart on them, given that Riddle would freak out even more if people were staring. 

“I-I have no idea! I just told him about waking up in the nurse’s office and everything and he got all weird about it. It’s not like you did anything bad to me while we were in there.”

You didn’t miss the look that Ace and Deuce gave to each other, nor did you miss Yuu’s eyes going wide and glancing between you and Riddle. Evidently he hadn’t mentioned the small amount of time you two had spent together earlier and the first years were looking way too much into it.

Riddle spun around and barked at the trio to go back to their respective dorm halls whilst he spoke with you. Still in a mild daze over the past five minutes, you didn’t realize Riddle was dragging you down the hallway to a small room that was currently unoccupied until he slammed the door open. You decided not to tell him how badly his hand was sweating as he held yours. 

Upon entering, Riddle rested his head against the wall. His hands were balled into fists at his side and you could hear his shaky breaths. You rested your back against the door, unsure of where this was going and prepared to make a break for it if necessary. 

The silence was overbearing, almost as if the relationship between you two would shatter completely if one wrong word was spoken. Riddle dipped his toes in first, his mouth opening and closing as he grasped for how to even start this conversation. 

“Jade Leech is…”

Unsettling? Harrowing? A menace to society?

“... Someone you should stay away from.”

Oh. Well then.

The logical part of your brain told you Riddle was just trying to keep you out of harm's way. The twins and Azul had their reputation for a reason and he didn’t want you to get mixed up in that and end up hurt because of their antics. Unfortunately, the more unhinged part of your brain was mildly pissed off that Riddle thought he could tell you who you should and shouldn’t be around.

“Isn’t it kind of fucking obvious I’m trying not to be around him as is? That deathgrip he has isn’t exactly something I can easily break away from. Why do you care anyway?” You tried not to let your irritation become entwined with your words, but everything today was so overwhelming and confusing that you were starting to hit your wits end.

Riddle’s cheeks flared as he tried to muster up an explanation. 

“That-He’s just untrustworthy! Haven’t you heard about all the terrible things they do after classes have ended?! If you have any sense of self-preservation then you’ll think twice about who you become involved with.”

You gritted your teeth and stormed in his direction. Did he forget he was a tyrant a month ago? All the people he was supposed to guide but instead tip-toed around him in fear?

“And what of it?! Look me in the eye and tell me the first thing you know about Jade, or Azul, or Ruggie, or Epel, or anyone else you never bothered to give the time of day.”

He tried to get a word in, clearly realizing he completely botched his wording but you were too busy letting out what you’ve been keeping inside since you got here.

“What is with the people in this world?! You all carry such an absurd sense of entitlement that I feel like I can’t even walk outside without doing something wrong. If you’re gonna sit here and project whatever personal issues you have onto me then you can find someone else who’ll put up with it. I’m not gonna sit here and let you delude yourself into thinking you know me more than you really do.”

You desperately gasped for air after spitting all of that out, not able to meet Riddle’s eyes as you let yourself slide back against the wall and take a seat on the ground. You could feel your past trauma slowly creeping up onto you. People who manipulated you into believing that they cared, they did this because they couldn’t bear with how much they loved you and couldn’t let you get hurt by such horrible people on the outside. Friends you lost because you couldn’t see yourself getting taken advantage of and lashing out when all they wanted was to help you.

Riddle took a seat next you but kept his head facing the ground. The quiet moment is what the two of you needed right now. You knew Riddle’s life was messed up, that his mother had wormed herself to be a constant fear in the back of his head. Maybe you could fool yourself and pretend that he might understand you a little bit and enjoy the moment before he inevitably left you behind because he thought you were a monster.

He gently nudged your shoulder with his to get your attention before he apologized. 

“You’re right. I don’t know you as well as I’d like to, and I shouldn’t force my ideals onto you. I really am just trying to help you though, I promise.”

You weren’t expecting it to sound that sincere. Was Riddle different because the course the game was supposed to take completely skewed? 

“If you want us to become closer, then how about I go to one of those unbirthday party things you guys always hold?” You tried to offer up something that didn’t seem too suffocating since there’d be some other people around you two. Evidently, Riddle didn’t really feel the same way.

“I’d prefer if we were to be without any possible interruptions. Learning all that I can about you will be easier if it’s just us.”

He looked like he was about to pass out at any second due to being this blunt, but at least he got the words out. If he was going to make an active effort, you supposed you should as well.

“I’d like that.”

꧁꧂

You and Riddle had talked for a small while longer about whatever popped into your heads before deciding to go back to both of your dorm halls lest you get yelled at for trespassing. Night had fallen by the time you got back to Ramshackle, so you decided to loiter around outside for a little bit in hopes of running into a certain someone.

Swinging your feet back and forth while you sat atop a small fence, you waved at the figure once it came into view.

“Clairvoyant? Why are you roaming around this late into the evening?”

It was really hard to place your finger on it, but something about Malleus really put you at peace. Despite being Lilia’s technical son and looking similar in age to the other third years, he gave an air of maturity not found easily from other students - almost like an older brother.

“Nothing much, just chillin’ out, having a morality crisis. The usual.”

His eyebrows raised, Malleus walked over and took a seat next to you. The times where he could converse normally with other students was probably few and far between, so it wasn’t surprising he’d want to hear more. It was honestly kind of upsetting how he got brushed off and avoided and for what? Cause he has cool ass horns?

“If you don’t mind indulging me, I would be interested in hearing about this ‘morality crisis’ you mention.” 

Stifling a giggle, you looked up at the sky and stayed quiet while trying to think. The sky here was so beautiful, it made you feel a little less lonely.

“Do you think that… that not using my power to help people makes me evil?”

The seriousness of your question was mildly unexpected, and Malleus let it sink into his veins. He had wondered the same hundreds of times, yet could never muster the courage to face the truth from someone else’s perspective. He admired that about you.

“I wouldn’t necessarily say so. Many a time, it leads to heavy dependency from another party, or the unavoidable instance of being taken advantage of. Those who will use you for their own personal gain, and leave you behind with nothing.” 

His response eased your mind more than you thought it would. Nobody would understand this sort of problem more than Malleus, and the reassurance that he didn’t view you differently for it made some part of you emotional.

“It’s just like, I can see it in their eyes, y’know. Wondering why I didn’t stop Leona’s overblot or something. But I didn’t come here to play hero or whatever, I didn’t even come here of my own accord. Maybe it’s selfish but I’m not putting my life on the line for people I barely even know.”

He nodded along as you spoke, resonating heavily with everything you said. What’s wrong with putting yourself before someone who doesn’t care what happens to you?

“By the way, did you do something to me the last time we were out here? I was crazy fidgety and stuff but once you came along I got tired in an instant.”

The ghost of a smile appeared on his lips. Guess you had been right in assuming he made you sleepy.

“An old spell Lilia used on me as a child. It’s effectiveness has worn off quite a bit over the years, but for a small human such as yourself, the result was extremely potent. I’m glad I was able to aid you in a night well-rested.” An unexpected yawn left your mouth, and you deadpanned at him.

“Yeah, well, you wouldn’t happen to be doing it again, would you?”

He didn’t give a direct answer, instead standing up and offering his hand out to you. You grabbed it and hopped down as well, and the two of you walked back to your dorm hall.

“You know Malleus, you were probably a pretty kick-ass older brother to Silver.”

The puff of laughter he let out sounded like a dragon’s snort, and you thought for a second about Malleus with a human body but a giant dragon head. Pretty fuckin’ funny, if you do say so yourself.

He dropped you off at the door once more, this scene familiar from your first encounter with each other, and wished you a goodnight. The rest was a blur as you went to your room and collapsed into a deep sleep.

꧁꧂

The next morning was an odd tango of you and Yuu getting ready at the same time while Grim acted like an idiot and distracted you both. The two of you raced each other to be the first at the cafeteria, with you beating out your dormmate by a few seconds.

“Ugh, no fair! I’ve got more torso than leg!”

“You snooze, you lose.” You stopped walking for a second. “ Yuu lose.”

They rolled their eyes at the emphasis you used to make the joke, and you both went to pick out your respective meals. Props to the chefs in this place, cause you had never seen a pancake this big in your whole life.

The trio was already sat at your usual table, though they had all gone silent the second Yuu, Grim and yourself had sat down. The three of you exchanged looks and turned your attention back to Riddle, Ace and Deuce. You spoke to idiots as you sat down with your food.

“You know going completely quiet when someone arrives is like, the biggest telltale sign that you were shittalking them, right?”

Adeuce tried defending themselves as Riddle just sighed and rubbed his temple. 

“I wouldn’t allow those two imbeciles to do anything such as that while I’m here. They were making all sorts of foolish assumptions over why I showed up late back to the dorm hall-”

“It’s cause you were hangin’ with this cutie, wasn’t it?”

A new voice made itself heard as you turned around and saw Cater in the flesh, Trey right behind him. Riddle sputtered and tried to deny the accusation.

“I-I-There wasn’t-We didn’t-!”

“You’re totes obvi, Riddle! I can smell the love in the air from over here.”

Trey blocked your view of Cater and took a seat next to you as Cater dropped next to Ace. 

“Sorry for his babbling. It was just something unexpected from our dorm leader, is all.” He stuck his hand out towards you. “I’m Trey Clover, you must be ___, right?”

You shook his hand and nodded your head, the pancake in your mouth preventing you from speaking. 

“Hi-hi! I’m your ultra-cute Cater, at your service~ You’re that crazy cool psychic I heard about, yeah yeah?”

You, Deuce, Riddle, and Yuu all turned and glared at Ace. He whistled and looked around, avoiding eye contact with everyone else at the table. 

“I have no idea how he found that out, swear on it!”

“You’re the one who told Cater and myself, Ace.”

Ace started freaking out at his upperclassman as Trey ratted him out. You knew he wouldn’t be able to keep his mouth shut to save his life, and instead just hoped he hadn’t told anyone else in the dorm. 

Deuce hung his head in shame and started apologizing to you very loudly. 

“I was with him when it happened and did nothing to stop him, I’m sincerely sorry!”

You winced and tried to get your ears to stop ringing as Riddle yelled at Deuce to sit down before he drew more attention to your group. Trey turned towards you in an attempt to make conversation.

“Although, that is a really interesting magic you have. I’ve never met anyone with anything like it.” You took a sip of juice before he continued. “How does it work? Do you see the future on command?” The rest of your table’s noise died down as they listened in, curious to get some details on the thing you kept under such tight lock and key.

“Not really, it kinda gets like, triggered I guess. Like if I hear or see something certain then my brain reacts and has a vision. Sometimes it’s not even related to whatever happened in real time, so it’s really unpredictable.”

“But you knew about Leona, didn’t you?”

Deuce jabbed Ace’s ribs and tried getting him to shut up, but you’re sure a fair amount of the people you’ve spoken to probably came to that conclusion.

“.. Yeah, I did.”

Yuu sensed you tense up next to them, and tried to remedy the situation to no avail. 

“Ace, maybe we shouldn’t talk about this now.”

He took a swig from his soda can and opened his mouth once more.

“Well like, it’s crazy, right? Being able to see things that important. It’d stress me the hell out, that’s for sure.”

It would’ve been fine had he just stopped there.

“But you know, Yuu is magicless and you’ve been kinda useless compared to them.”

Cater stopped typing and looked up, while Riddle and Trey began reprimanding Ace. Yuu desperately tried to apologize for Ace’s blunder, but the damage had already been done.

You placed your hands on the table and pushed your chair out, not listening as you grabbed your backpack and quickly left the cafeteria. You could hear Yuu and Deuce begin to yell at Ace as well as you walked out, as if that was supposed to do anything now.

Of fucking course Yuu is more useful than you. You’re nothing but a fraud in a place where you didn’t belong. Yuu’s the main character, everyone just fucking adores them! They’d never be as uncaring and emotionless towards situations like this the same way you are, because Yuu is perfect while you’re just-!

Drip, drop.

Chapter Text

Inhale.

Exhale.

Repeat.

Reminding yourself to breathe was becoming a difficult task given you saw no point in it. Your doom room was starting to feel more like your coffin, and you wished you could die within it. 

Yuu had tried coaxing you out of here multiple times to no avail, eventually giving up a few days in. Crowley had even tried coming himself but was only met with raspy screams to go away. Whatever he had said to Yuu after his attempt didn’t quite reach your ears, but did it matter? You were useless. Insignificant. Ace had solidified the fears you let bubble over without acknowledging and now you were paying the price for it. He was simply relaying the thoughts of everyone you had met.

Does everyone think that?

Yes, they do.

Isn’t there a chance someone here likes you?

No, there’s nothing worth value.

Why do you continue to demonize yourself?

I have to destroy myself from the inside out.

It’s the fears that gripped you as a child, the ones you could never really shake off. You have to be useful to people or else they’ll leave you behind. Change your ideals, your thoughts, the way you exist. Lose your entire sense of self, just so someone will pay attention to you. What’s the point of you being alive if you’re too damaged to serve a purpose?

You’re going to die here.

I must pay for my sins.

There’s someone knocking on the door. Is it real this time? Getting up is impossible - you’re convinced the floorboards will rip your very soul from your body and leave on the ground as the empty vessel you are doomed to be. Even if you no longer know who you really are, it doesn’t matter as long as there’s something inside.

The knocking persists. One knock, two knocks, pause. It’s too rhythmic to be fake.

When did you get up and reach the door?

You turn the knob to open it and squint your eyes to adjust to the blinding lights behind Ruggie. He’s not who you expected, but it’s not as if you’re rejecting his presence either. Who would’ve even told him to come see you?

“So the mummy moves! Whew, with the way everyone was talking about ya, I thought the door was glued shut.”

Say something. Lie. Tell him you were just tired. 

You can’t even find the energy to move your mouth. 

His ears droop slightly as you move to the side to let him in. Does he know what Ace said? Does he agree?

Idiot. Of course he does. You’re the reason he’s upset now.

You see his lips moving, but the words aren’t processing. You’re too busy trying to navigate all the thoughts and voices in your head right now that the conversation doesn’t even seem to be happening. He’s going to get mad that you’re not listening. He’s gonna yell at you, and tell you you’re worthless, and-

“Hey.” 

Your eyes come back into focus as things slowly start to clear around you. Ruggie’s hand is on your shoulder and he looks worried. Eye contact with him for too long will only make you anxious, so you sit on the bed and stare at the floor. You hear him let out a small sigh and the bed creaks slightly as he takes a seat next to you. 

“I don’t think you’re a bad person, ya know.” It must be obvious you don’t believe him, because he nudges you slightly and whines about it. “Seriously! I think you’re just a second year like me, and we’re just tryna get through the year. You don’t gotta go savin’ everyone or something like that.” 

It’s sloppily put together, but in a way that’s genuine enough to warm your heart a little. Even if he is slightly misguided at times, he’s a really nice person. Nice enough to come drag you out of the pit you were drowning yourself in.

“Thank you, Ruggie. You’re a good friend.”

“Of course I am!” He laughs in his signature way and relaxes a little more. “Did I ever tell ya about the one time Leona tried to show off during MagiShift practice but tripped over his own tail?”

You snorted at the thought. He’s usually so high and mighty that it seems impossible for something like that to occur, “How does that even happen?”

“Well, so, it went like this…”

꧁꧂

Here is a second list of things you’ve learned since coming to Twisted Wonderland:

1. Hyena’s are neither cats nor dogs, which was taught to you by a 15 minute rant from Ruggie last night who clearly had this pent up for a long time.
2. Heartslabyul has a secret “Days Since Ace Last Fucked Up” board that they keep hidden from Riddle and is currently set to zero as of right now.
3. Aforementioned Ace almost met death yesterday at basketball practice via Jamil and Floyd because of what he did to you.

You could lie and say the fact he’s being hurt didn’t appease you, but that would just be foolish. Accident or not, he deserves it for causing you to spiral so badly.

A҉m҉ I҉ a҉ b҉a҉d҉ p҉e҉r҉s҉o҉n҉ f҉o҉r҉ t҉h҉a҉t҉?҉

Ugh, this annoying ass buzzing in the back of your head still hasn’t gone away. 

The clock on your bedside table tells you it’s almost 11am, so a good chunk of students are most likely in class right now. It’s been days since you’ve seen actual civilization but would prefer not to deal with a ton of kids all at once. 

You know the dorm room is gonna be empty as you leave, but it still leaves an uncomfortable tingling sensation crawling up your body. You didn’t technically fight with Yuu which means they wouldn’t be mad at you for no reason, but part of you is convinced they want nothing to do with you anymore. If anything, a sick portion of your brain would like that - knowing even someone like Yuu has limits and isn’t faultless. 

Thoughts of Yuu escape from your head as you go through the mirror to the main campus, mostly because that thing feels like a really evil and fucked up version of time traveling except without the actual time part. Just like, really extreme traveling then. 

“I see you’ve left your room.” If Jamil’s voice wasn’t stupidly smooth then you would’ve started swinging at him for sneaking up on you. 

“Congrats, Poirot, you've solved the case." The eyebrow raise he gave you probably meant Poirot wasn’t a character here. Or that he didn’t think you were funny. Probably the second one.

He started walking at a leisurely pace and you followed next to him, assuming he was going to continue the conversation while heading wherever. If not, then this was about to be really embarrassing.

He started to speak, so at least you wouldn’t have to go bury yourself alive out of humiliation. “Kalim, along with your other acquaintances, haven’t stopped rattling on about their concerns for you.” He sounded annoyed, but the fact they brought it up made you smile.

“It’s pathetic, honestly. Don’t they have better things to discuss?” Alright, bitch. Be like that then.

“Soooo… I guess that means you showing Ace a new hell at basketball practice was totally unrelated, huh?”

Jamil’s nose twitched slightly as he bristled and picked up his pace. Bingo. “A different case. I couldn’t have the most interesting person at this school go off and do something idiotic because of his thoughtless comments.” Well, good to know Jamil wouldn’t bring firecrackers to your funeral if you did kick the bucket.

“Thanks for that, bestie.”

“Never refer to me as that again.”

You rolled your eyes and sped up a little more. Talk about long legs over here. “Geez, tough crowd.”

Your stomach interrupted whatever was about to come next. Come to think of it, when was the last time you ate? 

Jamil snickered into his hand at your body's declaration of hunger. “You could scare hoards of beastmen off with that noise.” You glared at him and rubbed your tummy to soothe the savage beast. “That does remind me though, Kalim tried to organize some sort of ridiculous feast in order to try and get you feeling better.”

You threw your head back and groaned. “Ugh, why does he think parties will solve the world's problems? I appreciate the fact he cared but like, come on dude.”

Jamil nodded in solidarity, and neither of you realized you went to speak at the same time.

“I hate rich people.”

You both stopped walking and whipped your heads towards each other. The synchronization in your guys words was too perfect to be true. You had completely forgotten Jamil most likely hated filthy rich people as well considering his upbringing.

“... You wanna go hit up a cafe for lunch or something?”

“I suppose I can spare a few minutes.”

Chapter Text

“Wait, wait, wait. So Kalim seriously thought his tiger would lay an egg?”

Jamil shakes his head and finishes chewing the bite from his panini before continuing. “No, no. He thought the lions would deliver the egg to his tiger. We just never bothered to correct him.”

The waitress glares at you as you chortle into your lemonade over how stupid Kalim could be. He was just about the nicest person ever but good Lord he didn’t get any semblance of a common sense trait from either of his parents. Jamil has a hard time holding back his own laughter after watching you snort like a hog for the whole cafe to hear. 

You pick at a few of your fries before continuing the conversation, “He’s so screwed once he finds out how actual babies are made, dude.” 

Jamil pauses and looks at you with what can only be described as pure despair on his face. He inhales for a long time before exhaling and saying his piece, “Oh trust me, he’s already fully aware of how that works.” 

It takes you a few seconds before what he just said to you clicks and you stand up and yell in shock.

“KALIM HAS SEX?!”

A good half of the cafe turns to you as Jamil grabs your hand to pull you back to your seat, fully wheezing at this point as he tries to catch his breath. The waitress is ready to commit premeditated manslaughter at this point and you do this awkward wave to try and emulate some sort of apology. You can’t even process the fact you should probably be embarrassed at your outburst considering what information has just taken a sledgehammer to your frontal lobe. Kalim? Participating in the devil’s tango?

Breathing mostly normal now, Jamil starts talking again. “It’s definitely something more unexpected considering he’s…”

“Kalim?”

He nods, acknowledging you know exactly what he means. “Precisely. If I’m being honest, I’m sure a fair amount of them just want to dip into his wealth or secure a spot somewhere in the palace. I can’t imagine them going to him for genuine,” he gulps in disgust, “companionship.”

God, you need a shot or something after this. You might as well have just been shot directly by one of Rook’s arrows in the center of your cranium and it still wouldn’t have had that deep of an effect on your psyche.

Jamil motions over to the waitress and politely asks for the check to be split between the two of you, and she’s immediately smitten with his charm - evidently forgetting your blunder from 2 minutes ago. You shake your head as he turns his attention back to you and raises an eyebrow. “Something amiss? Besides everything that just happened, of course.”

Slowly nodding, you put your wallet away after grabbing enough madol for a tip. “It’s just like, so crazy how people totally fall for your act as if you’re not thinking about their downfall for fun.” 

He covers his mouth quickly, but you still hear the unflattering cackle muffled beneath. “You realize I’d be praying on your downfall as well if I wasn’t fully aware you don’t care enough to stop me, right?”

You are, but Jamil is unexpectedly good company that it’s not worth it to even try and pretend you’re concerned about the ethics of plan “Get Kalim’s Ass Out Of The Dorm Leader Position,” as you have started to lovingly call it. 

“It’s like, okay he’s a cool dude. Real fun at parties I’m sure. But like… in the long run I’d rather him face a situation like this than from someone who’s gonna like, actually try to kill him. Or do something way more fucked up than just take his title as dorm leader. Cause he totally needs a taste of the real world but not in a permanently traumatizing way if you’re picking up what I’m putting down.”

The two of you pick up your belongings and walk out the door back to NRC while continuing to talk about the topic at hand. Where you two stand with each other is a little unnerving in the sense that it’s unexpected. You were fully ready for Jamil to just push you down a well somewhere and that was that. But the fact you had no outright qualms with his ‘real self’ must’ve been freeing to him in a way, which leads you two to now. You don’t expect him to lay all his feelings bare, but this is much more progress than you could’ve ever expected.

“I hate Kalim, don’t misunderstand that. But I’m not aiming for something as extreme as torture or death - too messy. Forcing him t-”

You turn around to see why Jamil stopped, and your breath catches in your throat. 

Ace, Deuce and Yuu (and that damn cat) are all laughing and walking together, obviously enjoying their time out. You can feel your happiness dwindle and the anger bubbling up inside you.

“Yeah. I have someone I wish I could make suffer too.”

Jamil speeds back up and you follow next to him. The silence between you isn’t uncomfortable, moreso representing the mutual understanding you have right now. Part of you heavily wished that Yuu wouldn’t talk to Ace for a while considering what went. Don’t you matter to them? Wouldn’t a good friend consider you more important than him f̎͛o̤͈̗̫͋͑r̦̊ẽ̦̳̒ͩ̔v̿ě͖̽r̯̰̜ for now?

“Hey… Jamil?”

He hums as you two approach the gates of NRC.

“Do you know how to hit someone where it’ll really hurt them?” It feels as if you two are the only people on campus at this moment.

“... I’m sure we could figure something out together.”

The look on his face as you two depart towards your respective mirrors gives you a crystal clear understanding of why he’s represented by a snake. It’s manipulative, alluring, and completely enthralls you to the point you don’t even notice he’s left until you’re standing alone in the chamber.

You were planning to head back to your dorm room originally, but now the idea of your shared space with Yuu leaves a bitter taste in your mouth. Instead, you walk out of the chamber and decide to walk around the nearby forest for a little. Surely it has to be regulated to some extent considering it’s openly connected to the campus.

And if not, then you are going to make a hungry bear extremely happy.

Campus is still relatively full even on the weekends as crowds of students roam past you. Two Octavinelle boys are heckling a Pomefiore student (do they work for Azul?), a kid from Savanaclaw and one from Ignihyde are play-fighting with what looks like off-brand lightsabers, and a group of mixed dorm students are rehearsing some sort of play in a big circle on the grass. It honestly just feels like a normal high school, and for a second you can pretend you’re in a world where things still make sense.

The entrance to the forest meshes perfectly with the cobblestone of the campus’ main walkways and walking into it feels like a 2010’s fantasy movie where you’re about to find a talking tree or whatever. Actually, they might have those here.

Squirrels are running amok in the trees, chucking acorns at each other in their own little game. A sprightly young deer clumsily runs towards it's mother (Don’t think about Bambi, don’t think about Bambi, don’t think about Bambi) while two rabbits curiously watch them. Your presence doesn’t seem to frighten them all that much, maybe it’s because they’re used to so many students nearby? You’re thankful though because chances like this are really one in a lifetime.

Thwap!

You can’t even let out a scream of fear, because the arrow next to your head scared any possible noise out of your body and sent it running across the country.

“Mon dieu!”

Oh God, not the French.

A blonde head of hair covered by an embarrassingly flashy purple hat comes into your field of vision and you start remembering to breathe. Rook reaches out to grab the arrow that almost had you meet your maker and let’s out the most dramatic sigh known to mankind - as if he was the one that nearly died.

“Désolé . I didn’t realize another soul would be traversing the forest at this hour.” At this hour? It’s the middle of the fucking day!

It takes you a second to regain your composure and give a mildly human response. “Yeah, uh, sure. Can you just like, let me know in advance next time I almost die? I still don’t have my will finished and I need to make sure my ridiculous collection of miniature hand sanitizers is buried with me.” You totally take back that internal comment about Rook's arrow's and your psyche earlier.

Rook lets out a hearty laugh and all you can do is laugh along but more in the sort of “I am so unbelievably uncomfortable and would kill a man to get out of this situation as soon as possible” way.

“A jokester is among us, hm?” He holds his hat to his chest and gives a deep curtsey. “Rook Hunt, at your service. Might you be the newest student to arrive at our magnifique establishment?”

Oh brother, he really is a character.

“That would be me. Nice to-augh!”

He grabs your hand and lowers himself to one knee as he places a feather-light kiss to the top of it. Has he always been this forward? Maybe the bowl-cut was distracting you from like, every other part of his personality before.

“Surely had it not been for such ill-fated circumstances, you could’ve made a home of Pomefiore, oiseau. ”

He gracefully takes a small leap backwards and readies his bow once more. “If you will excuse me, the hunt waits for nobody!” 

And then he was gone. Like a deranged gazelle. 

You think you might have gotten whiplash from that entire encounter.

At this moment, you’re now heavily debating going deeper into the forest. On one hand, all the animals were seriously tempting you and the chance to pet them was calling your name. On the other hand, Rook Hunt.

Your temporary phone’s text notification went off when you reached into your pocket to see who had messaged you, the decision of what happens next was made for you.

yuu❀: can we meet back at the dorm to talk?

Chapter Text

Saying that the tension in this room could be cut with a knife would be understating it severely.

You and Yuu were sat on opposite ends of the couch, never quite making eye contact with each other. Grim wasn’t present and you assumed Yuu sent him off somewhere to avoid him making the situation worse - not that it was very good to begin with. 

They eventually broke the silence. “I don’t really want us to be in this position because of a misunderstanding.”

“What is there to misunderstand? Ace was awful to me, you’re still friends with him despite it, and I don’t wanna be around someone who’s taking his side. End of story.”

“That’s... that’s not even remotely close to being fair! How is it my fault you two are in this position? Why should I stop being friends with him because you two hate each other?!”

“̵̨̛Y̷̛̼o̴̡͝u̸̻͝ ̸͎͠c̴͍͝a̷̦̾ņ̴̾’̶̡̈́t̵͖̆ ̵̙̈́e̴̱̊x̴̪́p̶̤͒e̵͍̒c̵̥͛t̵̥͐ ̷̺̒ṃ̷̀ẽ̴̠ ̷̼̊t̵͙͘ó̴̩ ̸͔̏ș̷͋ẗ̵̥́ǫ̸̌p̵̭͑ ̵̮̓b̴̠̾ë̶̪́ǐ̸̱ň̶ͅg̷̨͝ ̷͉̂f̸̛̦r̶̻͛ĩ̸̬e̵̿͜n̸̳̑ḑ̵͂s̵͉̿ ̶̹̉ŵ̴͕ĭ̷̧t̵̖̂h̷͒͜ ̴͙͘s̶̘̄o̵͈͒m̴͖̈ë̵͕́b̴̲̓o̴̦̚d̵̨̐y̶̪͒ ̷̬̑b̴͚e̷͉̿c̷̫̚a̷̞͛u̶̡̓s̶̥͘è̸̢ ̶͎͛y̴̡͆õ̶̗ǘ̸͙ ̵͉̅d̷͕̾ȯ̶̹n̴̹̎’̸̹͝t̷̥̿ ̸̗̔l̸̤̍ǐ̸̡k̶̫͒ḛ̵ ̵̢̒ț̸̏h̴̟͝e̶̗͑m̷̡̏.̷̘̋”̶̮̕

Shut up, shut up, shut up shut up shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup

“Because he’s fucking awful? Because he hurt me on purpose and you’re acting like it’s fine and dandy and we can all still be friends when we fucking can’t . If you like him more than me just say it because I don’t wanna bother with someone who pushes me to the side and doesn’t care about me.”

Yuu’s face is in disbelief at the fact you’d even say that. Did they hate the truth? If Yuu was really your friend then they would leave Ace behind for you and see your side on this. 

Yeah, this isn’t your fault. None of it is. Ace deserves to be hurt. You don’t. The world is out to get you, and you should’ve been praised instead of shut down like this.

“Are you fucking crazy, ____?”

“Aw, look at Yuu using adult words.”

They get up from the couch and start pacing around the room, hands on their head trying to think of a response.

“Do you hear yourself right now? Why are you acting like this?! Ace made one mistake, one! He knew it was wrong once he said it but you’re treating it like he’s trying to ruin your life intentionally.”

“He is.”

“He isn’t!”

You sigh and lean back on the couch. It’s obvious you’re getting nowhere because Yuu just can’t see your point of view. Talking things out never resolves the issue and you can already tell this will come to some lackluster conclusion in which neither of you are happy with the results but you pretend you are for the sake of saving a friendship that probably isn’t worth all the trouble to begin with. 

“Look, I want to help you, but you can’t jus-”

“That’s your fucking problem, Yuu.”

They stop moving and wait for you to keep going.

“That’s your fucking issue,” you repeat, “is that you live in some idealized world where everything has a solution and a happy ending. News flash, it fucking doesn’t. Things don’t work out, people despise each other, and no amount of your self sacrificial bullshit will change that! You can’t just keep going around solving everyone else’s problems and thinking everything is better because perfect little Yuu got involved.”

They try to get a word in but you’re far too gone at this point.

“Do you want to feel loved? Useful? Will you die if you don’t have the approval of everyone else here? Is it worth deteriorating yourself for the sake of saying you let somebody take advantage of your kindness today? Or do you just want everybody to think you’re untouchable so that when you do inevitably fuck up, because you will, it won’t be your fault for forcing yourself into situations where you don’t fucking belong.”

You take a deep inhale after letting all your thoughts out while Yuu stares at you, unmoving. Going through this is so exhausting. How many friendships have gone to shit because they could never just agree with you?

A discomfort slowly rises in your throat as you cough to try and clear it. Your chest feels like it’s sinking and you grab onto the arm of the couch for support as bile begins to rise in your throat. Yuu motions towards you to help as if that entire conversation didn’t just happen, but stops when they see exactly what you were coughing up.

In your hands lies a glob of unidentifiable black sludge.

You run from the dorm before either of you can fully digest what just happened. You’re not hanging around for Yuu to try and solve this problem too. Students, animals and foliage alike all are one cohesive blur as you run towards wherever. There’s no fucking way this can all be happening. You don’t deserve all the pain this world is trying to give you. Your entire life has just been you getting hurt over and over again, no retribution or happy ending in sight. 

The muscles in your legs are burning as they beg for you to please stop running, but you ignore the pain and try to prevent the next onslaught of coughs arising from your chest. Everything about this situation is a personalized nightmare, this entire universe forcing you to come to terms with everything wrong in your life. 

A particularly large clump of the sludge feels like it’s starting to spread through your entire upper body, and you have no choice but to stop and cough your lungs out trying to free it from your throat. 

You can’t keep living like this.

You continue to walk forward, breathing now more of a discomforting wheeze while your vision becomes distorted with black dots fading in and out of existence. You wish you could just die and get it over with instead of going through all of this.

Ignorant to your surroundings, you pursue something you’re not even sure of yet.

Chapter Text

When you were ten years old, you met your first best friend.

School was hard and you never felt like you fit in. You talked to your classmates and ate lunch with others, sure, but lasting relationships weren’t your strong suit at this point. Just when you thought you had really clicked with someone they would always shatter your expectations as you got cast aside for someone they loved more, someone who was more talented, more friendly, more socially acceptable. You stopped trying, and realized that they did too. It was always you fueling the friendships, and once you weren’t always the one to start a conversation they would leave you behind for their actual friends. You were thrown into cruel situations over and over again, crying to yourself when you got home about why nobody truly loved you. 

Your mom would tell you it’s because you’re too out there, “Nobody wants to hang around someone who’s irritating,” she would state while watching you tear up at the dinner table. “Can you go cry in your room? I have to finish making the schedule for my clients tomorrow.” 

You heard her talking to your dad that night. “It’s just dramatics. ____ will quit bitching by the morning.” You didn’t realize until later that good parents would comfort their child, and instead learned the lesson that telling mom about your problems did nothing but annoy her.

You were playing a game on the DS you brought to school when you noticed a girl with a fuzzy black jacket sitting in your seat. “Hey.” Her head shot up when you directed your attention to her. “That’s my assigned seat. Yours is probably the one left of me ; Kyle G. moved away last month.” 

She apologized and moved her stuff to the seat next to yours and you let her know you weren’t angry. She introduced herself, you did the same, and thought that was the end of the story. It wasn’t until next week when you saw her wearing a Bon Jovi shirt that you said something to her.

“My dad listens to that guy all the time,” you mentioned off hand during creative writing time. She turned to you as her eyes lit up, clearly a topic of interest.

“Mine too! I thought he was just some old guy with a violin, but his music is like, super cool!” She sneakily took an iPod out with a pair of headphones while watching for the teacher, who was currently immersed in reading “The Help.”

“Here,” she whispered, “check this out,” and started playing something unfamiliar to you. It was necessarily something you would’ve listened to on your own, but the concept of listening with someone else made it more appealing. The two of you spent the rest of class listening and making quiet conversations about other things you liked. The chemistry was there, you just had no idea how much it’d grow.

As time went on, the two of you became closer. You learned she lived down the street from you in the next neighborhood and would often ride your bike to go hang out with her. You two would play with her rabbit, watch anime together - which she had introduced you to - and take turns playing different video games. It was strange, having someone who liked all the same things as you and actually kept up the conversation. 

At your middle school graduation ceremony, you two learned you wouldn’t be attending the same high school and tried not to cry in front of the punch table. She held her pinky out to you and smiled. “Promise we’ll still be best friends?” You smiled back as your heart swelled, because being called someone’s best friend was all you’d ever wanted your entire life.

“I promise.”

Summer seemed to be going quickly, with sleepovers being an almost everyday occurrence. You’d asked her mom how she wasn’t sick of you invading her house at this point, and she had looked longingly at her daughter's door before saying, “I’ve never seen her this happy in her life.”

High school, you were thrilled to learn, was much more different than middle school. There was more cohesion between everyone there, and by now you were able to act the way people expected you to in order to gain friends. You still messaged your best friend almost every day, but you were thrilled to have new friends as well. People to go see movies and hang out at parks with. Friends you could talk to about your life. You did notice though, that when they talked about their home lives that their parents seemed a lot different from yours. A vivid memory of you asking your mom what you should have for dinner and her replying, “Maybe you should start starving yourself,” came to mind when they talked about what their mother cooked last night. Their dad’s were planning on teaching them to start driving soon whereas yours had broken the hinge on your door last night screaming at how wished you’d die already because you were too stupid to understand the math they were teaching you.

When you texted your best friend about this later, she responded with, “don’t tell them that, they won’t understand you. ppl like that don’t really wanna stay around ppl like us.” People like us? Was her mom like that too and you didn’t know? How could you be such an awful friend to not even realize that?

You slept at her house that weekend but something in the air seemed a little off. She was tense and kept changing the topic of conversation left and right. You just assumed she had a rough day at school. She paused the Mario Kart level and leaned back in her chair. “How’s high school going for you?”

You launched into a story about one of the kids lighting off a firecracker in the upstairs boys bathroom before talking about how you and a bunch of kids from your Home Ec class were going out to lunch this weekend. Everything was suddenly cut short when her controller fell to the ground and broke. She didn’t even seem to notice it happened. You didn’t really know what to do - the room felt suffocating now and you swore you could feel the walls closing in, ready to crush you both.

“I’m still your best friend, right?” She was almost too quiet to even hear. Why’d she ask that to begin with? You thought it was obvious. “Of course you are.”

“Good, because if I wasn’t, I would kill myself.”

꧁꧂

You came home a few nights later - extended sleepovers not being a rare occurrence between you two. You planned on asking your mom if wanting to die over someone was normal, but when you walked in the house she was screaming at your father about how she wished she never married him and be sucked into a life she hated. You didn’t even bother trying to intervene and instead quietly went up to your room knowing that if she saw you then somehow all of this would be your fault.

The thought of asking your new friends about what happened crossed your mind, but you remembered that she said people like them wouldn’t understand, and you didn’t want to risk scaring them off. So instead you did nothing. If she would kill herself over you, then that must mean she really loves you then? Like a real best friend, right?

The school year continued with an awkward mix of you trying to balance your best friend and your new friends. You didn’t try to bring them up anymore in front of her. She would get antsy and tell you about how they were just using you again, “They don’t care about you the same way I do, trust me.” She had no reason to lie to you, so you made sure not to get too close with anyone that wasn’t her. 

Soon enough, you couldn’t hang out with other people without feeling guilty. She’d always remind you of how you were abandoning her, but you were always her first priority. You were horrible, being like the exact people that hurt you in the past. How could you be so cruel and selfish? Your new friends asked why you didn’t seem to be around them as much, and once again you apologized for something you didn’t realize you had done. Strangely enough, they weren’t upset.

“Nah, we get it! We’ll plan something for next week, okay?”

“Don’t stretch yourself too thin dude. Finals are gonna be a bitch, so don’t worry about always being around us.”

“Does your best friend really need that much time with you? Like I get being besties and all but she should probably let up a little.”

You’d never taken that into consideration.

Everything you knew about what it meant to be someone’s best friend came directly from her. She told you that it meant she should come before everything else, you so believed her. She told you it meant you two should like all the same things, so you’d disregard things you planned to do in order to consume the content she liked. 

“You can’t talk to them more than you talk to me.” “Don’t let them know about this show we like because it’s just for us and nobody else.” “Why are you texting them while you’re here?” “Do you hate being around me?” “Don’t I mean something to you?”

Every day your head would play these moments over and over. Most parts of your brain told you it was your fault and you just scum for even having people in your life that aren’t her, but the smallest part said this wasn’t healthy. You shouldn’t be chained down like this. 

You pretended like it wasn’t there.

The school year ended, and it was another summer of sleepovers - although not as many with her as the previous summer. You felt so much lighter and free with these friends who treated you as a human and not like a personal plaything. You had confided in them about your home life in a moment of weakness, but rather than throw you to the side like she fully convinced you they would, instead they all expressed how sorry they were for you and said you could stay at their houses any time - that their parents would understand.

Why did she tell you they’d do the opposite?

The two of you had been lying down on her bed one night, teetering between the border of reality and dreams. She mumbled something incohesive and you waited for a moment before asking what she said.

“I wish you never met them.”

Your throat felt dry.

“We could’ve been happy, just the two of us. You didn’t need other friends.” 

You didn’t respond to her for the rest of the night.

When you both woke up that morning, it seemed like the entire interaction before you fell asleep didn’t happen. You both ate breakfast and watched some sports anime she liked as you waited for your dad to pick you up and take you to the store for some new school clothes. You went to say goodbye as you saw him pull in the driveway, but she grabbed your wrist and pulled you towards her. 

Why was she kissing you? Did she have a crush on you this entire time? Was it your fault you never noticed?

She pulled away and before you could ask what the hell just happened, she opened her mouth.

“If we both die together, nobody can ever separate us.”

You didn’t look back for a second as you ran from her house.

The new school year started and not once did you bring her up to anyone. Your friends said you looked much happier than last year, and that they were happy things seemed to be getting better for you - not that they knew why. You were so sure you were happy all those years you spent with her, but was it happiness? Was it submission? The idea that you had someone you thought so perfectly completed you that you disregarded all the parasites she filled your head with? You couldn’t tell.

You’d blocked her phone number and every social media platform you could think of, but she still plagued your dreams. She’d be screaming and crying at your feet, asking how you could just leave her behind like that. You couldn’t even count the times you’d woken up to go throw up in the bathroom because you couldn’t stomach seeing her face anymore. Your mom complained that you were keeping her up with all the screams you made at night when you had nightmares over your broken friendship ; not that she knew why you were screaming, or even cared. All you could do was apologize and try to be quieter at night. 

Looking back on all of it, this was probably a punishment for the person you would grow to be. It was her fault you were so irreversibly fucked up, her fault you would never be able to love someone normally. But it was your fault for foolishly believing you deserve happiness at all. You should’ve known it would only end in your ruination.

Ị̵̰̳̱̼̅͐̆̎̕͝ ̶̬̘̥̱̬͂̽͑̏͋͝c̶̢̨͍͖̱̣͑̈́̉͜a̴̢͔̻̳͋n̴̡̺̝͎̝̞̤̈́̌̓̚̕ͅ ̸̛̞̬̥̉̇̉͛̀͐̕f̶̤̣̙̯̼̘̲̓i̴̧̘̭̼͍͚̫͚͐̓̌̚͝x̵̼̞̘̗͐̄̈́͝͝ ̸̛̬͍̼̥͆í̵̗͕̯̝̮̀̍ť̵̟͖͑.

You… can fix it?

A̶̰̹͒̎͐l̸̗͖̤͋̈́̂ḷ̴̠̓̽̔ ̸̰̲̈̇ͅṫ̶̙ḩ̷̙̜͗e̶̹͖̕̕ s̸̰̮̓u̴̙̺̗̇f̵̺̪̕f̵̡̫͖̅e̷̬̣͌͠r̵͇͖͈̐̉̑i̵̅̐ͅṇ̵͉͎̔g̶̠̈ ̴͉̱̈́ā̴̬̼̖͌͠n̶̹̩̅̚͝d̵̡̝̐̊ ̷̡͖͒̌p̷̮̹̂̉a̷̭̗̿̕i̸̯̊̈́ͅn̸̮͂ ̸̡̧̻̉̌ÿ̴̛̙́ō̴̎̐ͅu̵̮̒'̸̯̎̿v̴̕͜e̵̫͌͝ ̴̻̟̍̔ḇ̶̏̎͝e̴̤̦͑̚ͅe̴̦͚̿̅n̵̜̭̟̓͝ ̷̱̠̍t̷̪̓͊͜h̴͉̏̄͊r̴̬͗o̷̥̖͂̊û̴̪̫͎g̶̢̞̬ĥ̸̥̰͖̏,̵̖̳͊̑̆ ̶͉͎̫͛I̴̞̟͒̊ ̴̹̏͋͝ẇ̵̛̟̮i̴̧̗̾ḻ̷̼̑́l̷̬͆̒ ̶̨͖̖̉̿t̸̡̎̊͜ͅá̴̟͗k̷̹̳̗͘e̸̝̻̘͒ ̸͖̪̈́͑ț̴̖͊̉h̸̜́̍e̵͔̽ ̴͇͓̥̏p̸͎̏͊î̴̼̓͛e̶̳̲̩̓c̴̹͂ḛ̷̛̣͌͝ś̵̹ ̷̧͙͒a̷͔̐̌͗n̸̆̀ͅḋ̶̜͇̱͗ ̵̳̖̱̅͂͝m̴̻̿̚͝ä̷̡̪̔ͅk̸̊̀͜ḗ̶͇ ̸̹͖̙͆y̵͇͓͒o̵͇̚ủ̸̥͖̓̕ ̵͈̈́͗̄w̴̰̹̃h̴̡̠̘ȯ̴̡͛l̵̲̜̏̿e̶̯̞̯̒̓̀ ̴̳͉̟̄͝͝o̸̭̟̲̿̕n̵͍͂̓̎c̵̥̍e̸͙͑ ̵͔́̈́͜͝m̴͚̦̊͘ǫ̴̤͔͆̿͑r̶͎͍̉e̷̳͘.̴̧̨̖̿

Do you promise?

Y̸̝̱̳͂̈́è̸̖͌͜s̷̛͍̲̙.̵̛̮ ̸͉͓̟̌̔͝Ḡ̶̪͜ḭ̴̛͉̈́̕v̷̻͋̚e̷͖ ̸̥̂͗m̸͑̾͒ͅe̵̛̮̘̭̅̓ ̸̖̓̐y̸̩̮̞̔o̵̥͓͒̕u̷̜̠͊̾r̶̨̎͘ ̷̭͕̈͜a̵̤̲̗͗l̵̢̗̝̓͌l̸̦̈́͋̃,̶̖͚̱̐̎ ̵͓͝a̷͔̚n̸̢̦̄͛̍d̸̨̹͂ ̶̘̞̟̀͛̈́ẘ̸̳͔͙͌e̵̯̓́ ̵̺̙̋̒w̵̳͒ȋ̶̛͇l̷̯̉̒͌ļ̶͔͂͋͝ͅ ̸̻͚̙̿̚e̷͇͠͝͝ň̷͚̾̚ą̶̛̻̬̃̈c̷͉̗̓̾͆t̴͔͆͊̃ ̷̡̣̝̇̏ÿ̶͈́͊o̷̘͐͑̎u̷̻̯̐̓r̷̺̱̩̊̄̈́ ̸̡͗͝v̷̧̰̲̽̀͂e̶͎͓͒̓n̶̜͂͠͝g̵̛͜͝ẽ̴̛̜̮̞ả̴̠̦̬̅n̵͖̰̞̾̿͘c̷͖̹͋e̴̘͔̅̈͝.̵̟̼̅̂̌

Please, make it stop hurting.

Chapter Text

Riddle hastily makes his way towards the designated meeting room, cursing himself for being tardy to a gathering he called. He wasn’t normally one to lose track of time but this was different. The past week he’d been going absolutely mad trying to find ___, as had a few other students of NRC. 

Yuu had bursted into the Heartslabyul dorm in tears late one night and through their blubbering and erratic intakes of air, Riddle was able to piece together that the new transfer hadn’t shown back up to the dorm for over 24 hours and that Yuu could find absolutely no trace of them. 

He had assumed it was a slight overreaction, because surely they wouldn’t just up and disappear - not when they didn’t have any offensive magic abilities they’ve honed. Uncharted land here could be particularly treacherous and they had more common sense than that, right?

Wrong.

Not that Riddle had searched every inch of the campus in his free time looking for them, certainly not. He was simply looking for something he had lost. No don’t ask him what it’s not important he just lost something okay he was not worried in the slightest.

Ahem.

His ventures proved to be fruitless, because it was as if you had simply evaporated overnight. All your belongings were still skewed about your dorm room, meaning that your departure was most likely not planned. Did someone forcefully take you from your room? The chances were so slim and it would be incredibly unlikely they knew about your powers to begin with, so that theory was nearly out the window. Would you leave without telling anyone? The two of you had gotten closer recently, to the point where he would at least expect you to tell him ‘Hey, I’m going AWOL until further notice! I’m not dead or anything!’ Were the late night conversations between you two nothing? Was him confiding to you about his mother just a mindless discussion in your eyes? 

Why did you leave him?

He reaches the meeting room before he realizes it, opening the door as the others that showed up turn to meet his form. 

“Hmph,” Azul grumbles, “for someone so hellbent on appearances and whatnot, you decided to come awfully late.”

Riddle simply huffs and looks to the side. He’s right, but Riddle doesn’t want to admit he was searching the places he looked twenty odd times over again in hopes you were there, no matter how unrealistic it would be. Instead Riddle takes a seat at the head of the table. “Has anyone found anything?”

“Picked up on their scent near the forest. Smelled like it went in pretty deep too, like, way too deep for it to be safe,” Ruggie offered. Most people in the room tensed up. The forest had a barrier to keep unsightly outsiders away from the main campus, but it’s protection waned the further in you got until it was nothing more than a normal forest - one full of magic beasts ready to rip apart the first thing they smelled.

Jamil shifted towards the beastman, “Was there any other scent present along with theirs?” Ruggie simply shook his head. Riddle had crossed off kidnapping in his head already, but hearing it outloud caused his heart to sink. If nothing else, a kidnapper would most likely want ransom meaning you’d be kept alive. If you were left to your own devices though... 

A loud SMACK against the window causes everyone to turn as Ortho shakes off the collision and, before Riddle can scream at him not to, fly directly through the window causing the glass to shatter throughout the room. 

Azul and Jade both fling backwards as the larger chunks head straight for them while Ruggie, Jamil, and Yuu all duck under the table for cover. Riddle feels his muscles tense as Ortho settles, and as much as Riddle would love to give him a what-for, Ortho is technically just a child - a flying robot child - but a child nonetheless and so Riddle very, very tensely decides to let it go knowing that Ortho most likely had some information on your whereabouts.

The room settles as everyone slowly comes back from where they hid to avoid The Great Glass-ening and gives Ortho the opportunity to speak. Riddle could hear his gears turning and various other mechanical components make noise that he didn’t understand and had no desire to as well. His eyes light up as holograms of various angles from around campus begin to float around the room.

“Yes, yes! I was able to acquire some various data by analyzing their patterns around campus!” One of the holograms grows in size and shows a pixelated figure running towards the woods, it’s path shown with various arrows and calculations. “Given the prints and DNA left from the Ramshackle dorm and the consistency shown following this route, it’s most likely ___ was running rather quickly towards the forest.” Most of them had come to that conclusion by now. The issue was exactly why it happened.

Yuu was the first to speak up. “Was there anyone following them? Or maybe making them run?” Ortho shook his head. “No other traces out of the ordinary were detected and followed the same trajectory for a long period of time. I stopped at the barrier, and very few indications of other remnants were discovered, and those that were all have been there for a substantial period of time.” 

Yuu slumps back in their chair as Ruggie gives them a slight tap on the shoulder. Riddle figured they’re probably feeling like they’re slightly at fault. Yuu explained the fight the two had prior to the sudden disappearance, but logically speaking this was probably a build up. ___ had only been here for a few months but they and Riddle had spent a decent amount of that time building their friendship and he knew for a fact that one fight wouldn’t cause them to high tail it out of NRC completely. So what exactly was the reason driving force?

“Was there a way to figure out what time they departed from their room? Or the academy at all, for that matter.” Ortho’s face shifted slightly as Jade’s question. “I can’t quite get an exact time, but I can say it was sometime late in the night six days ago! Maybe between 10 pm and 4 am? That’s the best estimate I can give!”

Riddle can feel something undesirable climb up his back and pierce itself into his body, flowing through his veins and clouding his mind. There’s no way he could’ve known this would happen, and yet he insists on choking down blame for the situation. He probably couldn’t have been less at fault if he tried but still, he should’ve just...

Just what?

He’s not a psychic like you, he can’t predict the future, see the past. He can barely digest the present, still not able to fully comprehend the full scale of emotions and feelings his fellow classmates have. Was that the issue? He was too closed off to see you were hurting?

He’s jolted back to reality when Ruggie breaks the silence. “So now what?”

Yuu looks at him in disbelief. “What do you mean ‘now what?!’ We obviously go and-”

“And get ourselves killed trying to hunt them down?” Riddle interjects. “Your idiosyncrasies are concerning at this point. Surely you’re going to suggest something along those lines.” 

Yuu is quiet as Riddle proceeds. “As nice as it sounds to go on an adventure to find our lost friend,” the usage of the word ‘friend’ isn’t lost on the others in the room, who never thought they’d hear him say that about anyone, “they’ve completely gone out of the jurisdiction of NRC. Whatever happens out there is lawless and unregulated. As strong as we all like to act, we’re simply students, and the outside world won’t go gentle on us because of it.”

Nobody knows what to say and it’s frustrating because he’s right. They’re all kids, overzealous and ambitious kids who think they can take on the world until the world fights back and they’re left to struggle for their lives. 

In a completely out of character moment, Jade swifty gets up from his seat and exits the room. His reason behind his sudden departure is unknown, but it succeeds in raising the tension that’s seeping into the atmosphere. The matter at hand of what steps should be taken next has no solid answer yet differing opinions from all parties. 

“I think,” Jamil starts and then stops, trying to gather his thoughts, “I think that even if it seems cold-hearted, Riddle is right. A risk like this is beyond us, and in the event they are to come back of their own accord, the knowledge that one of us died trying to find them most likely would make them wish they never returned in the first place.”

Azul makes a noise of agreement and Ruggie seems to give in as well. Yuu’s fists are balled by their sides and Riddle can see they’re trying hard not to cry. They shouldn’t have to fully shoulder the blame, but telling them that at this moment won’t do much good.

Riddle sighs and runs his hands through his hair. No matter what he does, it feels like he loses regardless. He can’t fix what happened, and maybe he’ll never know why it did, but he can pray for a happy ending.

He pushed down the fact he’s never believed in happy endings.

Chapter Text

Jade can feel his chest starting to cave in with a conglomerate of emotions he’s never felt and debates ripping his lungs out to gain some slight relief. 

This wasn’t supposed to happen ; it should’ve never turned out this way. Jade had been looking for something fun to pass the time. While his methods of self-entertainment certainly weren’t as abrasive as his brother’s, Jade didn’t mind a little roughhousing on other students in order to get his kicks. That was your original purpose. You were a foreigner to the way they lived with a powerful and unpredictable form of magic dripping from your body. A little teasing here and there, some vaguely threatening words sprinkled in, and Jade would be on his merry little way to his next victim.

The first problem came in the fact that you didn’t react the way he thought you would. Anyone that had the slightest shred of common sense knew that getting involved with Jade (or any of Octa’s famed trio, really) was bad news and tended to hightail it when he came within their proximity. If not, then he’d watch them tremble like newborn seals while he overwhelmed them with his naturally intimidating presence. It never failed to give him a power trip, even at the cost of shattering all chances he had at ever gaining genuine friends. 

Instead of doing either of those things, you brushed him off like he was an irritating bug. There was no fear, not outwardly at least, and you refused to back down whenever he chose to invade your space. He hated it. It skewed off course and made his brain shift in ways he despised and adored. Ignoring your emotions is one thing but not understanding them is another, and Jade had never been in that second category until he made the mistake of forcing you to get involved with him. Had he known what was coming, he wouldn’t have bothered even glancing in your direction and instead leave you to his brother’s mercy.

Part of him still wants to.

The second problem could be considered his fault, but he didn’t like that train of thought, so he blamed it on you once more. Since you didn’t respond with the expected reaction, Jade found himself going back to you again and again. You kept him on his toes which in turn made him become just a little, 

tinsy, 

tiny,

itty-bit attached to you.

Which was your fault. Not his. Even though you technically didn’t know what you were doing.

Honestly the moments where you seemed to have any sense of fondness for Jade were few and far between, but he knew he was fucked when he savored each of those moments like they’d never happen again. 

Jade ignored his brother’s whines as he entered the dorm hall in favor of trying to gain something resembling a coherent train of thought. He was sitting here left with memories of a situation he couldn’t control and wasn’t sure even meant anything to you while trying to shove down the likely possibility that you were dead somewhere because you probably made some stupid impulsive decision like you always do, and Great Seven did Jade have not the slightest clue on why he even had crush on you because you could not be more different than him. 

It wasn’t until a solid seven seconds of absolute blank musings that his last sentence replayed in his head and he tried not to break the cup he was using to get a drink.

Jade Leech had a gross, childish crush on you that he couldn’t get rid of.

He was going to fucking die.

Chapter Text

Jamil Viper is a man of ritual. He wakes up at the same time each morning to perform his duties for both himself and Kalim, studies in the exact same location, begins meal prep in the exact same way, and continues this cycle day in and day out. No what-ifs. No inconsistencies. Don’t show too many emotions, don’t let them know your real thoughts. It is robotic, it is methodical, it is the life of Jamil. 

Today, Jamil Viper arrives back at his room from the meeting, and let’s his anguish rise from his stomach through his throat and reverberate in the form of a heart-wrenching scream. It rattles the windows and shakes him to his very core. It’s ugly and unbecoming, and it’s what he’s wanted to do his entire life. 

The same life that chewed him up and spit him out before he had a chance to understand anything around him. A child who was never allowed to flourish and instead forced to dumb himself down for his family’s sake. A family that never loved their child. One that valued their title and position instead of his own happiness. He’d told himself things would never change and the only way his life could ever hold some significance was if he was able to overthrow Kalim. That was his only goal in life.

Of course, you had to show up and shatter it. A psychic certainly threw a wrench in his plans but he thought you’d be easy enough to take care of. A simple command through Snake Whisper should’ve done the trick as long as nobody else was around to see it. But somehow, for some inane reason, it was nullified on you and you instead had taken the opportunity to tell Jamil how attractive you thought he was. It was completely crass and imbecilic and a million other distasteful words Jamil could think of, and yet it bounced around in his head for days on end. He never planned on you becoming a genuine acquaintance of his but couldn’t deny the slight tug he felt on his heart for an actual friend. 

The two of you had made so many good memories together, but life still refused to let Jamil have any shred of hope and had ripped you from his hands faster than he could blink. There’s no way you could survive out there. Future sight did nothing in terms of combat and you were hardly equipped for such a thing. 

Jamil slides down against the wall of his room, his throat raw from screaming. He can feel himself shaking but thinks nothing of it - instead letting thoughts of unfulfilled take over him. He had confessed a good chunk of his past to you during a more raw moment the two of you had in your dorm room. A conversation about the atrocities of life and a world that served only to try and tear you both down. You had tried to delve into past events of your life which ended poorly with Jamil trying to calm you down from what he assumed was a panic attack, but he really had no idea why you reacted so severely. You’d told him afterwards that one day you’d muster up the courage to be honest and talk about why exactly you were that way to begin with. A day that would never come, it seems. 

Every second he reminisces on the past is a second he’s reminded that he was not created to live peacefully, but to serve unwillingly. Such is the fate of the Viper family.

He can’t accept it though. Not since he’s had a taste of the childhood he never got. Every moment spent with you made those years of neglect and self doubt seem so minor. He would go through hell and high water just to make sure you were still alive. No matter what he conjured up though, it all seems fruitless. 

There was no hope here.

Chapter Text

Another night falls on Night Raven Academy, hundreds of unsuspected children lying peacefully in their beds as they succumb to sleep. For a select few, an unexplained feeling of unrest haunts them as they navigate their rooms. 

The creatures outside can sense it - they huddle together for protection and retreat to their safe havens. A whisper covers the grass like fresh morning dew, unable to be heard by the students inside. 

It comes silently, yet with enough power to rumble the earth. It burns their flesh, ruptures their insides - more, more! - it cries. An insatiable beast who will accept nothing less than the screams of the tortured as sustenance. 

At its core, a child that should be dead. Their time has long passed. Defying all odds, persevering…

A revolting excuse of an existence. 

Wretched shrieks fill the air, and it begins.

꧁꧂

Multiple NRC students pour out from their respective dorms and enter the mirror to the main campus, desperate to find out what the piercing screams that awoke them were. 

Not a single one was prepared for the sight that awaited them. 

A horrific black beast slowly trudged across campus, demolishing all flora that crossed it’s path. It looked to be at least fifteen feet tall - most likely more - and every noise that came from it’s mouth nearly shattered the eardrums of all the students. Many ran back to their dorms to harness the illusion of safety ; others could do nothing except stand there paralyzed with fear as they awaited the inevitable.

A specific group of students congregated towards the front, trying to deduce what exactly the creature was. Jade and Floyd instinctively try to shield Azul while Cater, Riddle, Ace, and Deuce work on trying to cast a barrier that might negate some of the fierce winds blowing. Trey, Ruggie and Jamil show up seconds after, their kitchen project abandoned at the threat of the beast destroying the college. Ortho can be spotted flying around, most likely looking for his brother, trying to fight against the strong gusts. Yuu joins them last, stumbling and barely able to stand straight.

“What the hell is that thing?!” they yell. 

Deuce and Ruggie both squint in its direction. “Can’t really tell,” comes Ruggie’s response. “Smells pissed off though.” Ace glares at him and throws his arms up in frustration. “Yeah, cause we couldn’t have figured that out already!”

Azul wipes his glasses before taking another look. “It seems to be similar to an overblot. But one of this caliber…”

“... Would be the cause of extreme magic buildup, stress, or any other negative factors.” Jamil finished. 

Yuu perks up slightly at the mention of an overblot. Surely this couldn’t be ___?

Could it?

Cater coughs out some sand and begins looking at the remaining students. “Do we know who’d be behind it? I’d bet on one of those Dia kids, they could totally trash campus in like, five seconds.” A few of them have the same culprit in the back of their heads, but no evidence to back it up. 

“You better figure out why your damn herbivore is about to demolish the campus before we all die to them first.”

The group turns towards Leona as he approaches, tail swishing from stress. His face is grim as he looks forward. “Seriously?” he mumbles, “This is ridiculous.”

“Y-you’re not serious, are you? That’s not really ___, right?” Ace tries to reassure himself, despite already knowing the answer. Leona snarls at him while Riddle smacks the back of Ace’s head. “Do I look like I’d be joking about this?”

Another howl echoes across NRC, causing the ground to rip apart. It moves slightly and whips an arm towards Ace. A bubbling black mass comes shooting towards him and he barely manages to dodge it in time. He scrambles away and can’t help the panic present in his voice. “Holy shit! Did you fucking see that? We don’t stand a fucking chance against this thing!”

Riddle whips out his wand and faces what remains of his friend. “If you think that way, then it’d be best for you to stay behind.” He looks towards his fellow dorm members and classmates. “I however, won’t allow the suffering of ___ to continue.”

Ruggie grimaces. “That’s grossly heroic of you, bud.”

Jade and Floyd both bring out their wands as well, with Azul, Deuce, and Jamil following suit. “Unfortunately,” Jade sighs, “he’s right. Unless you prefer one of our parties to end up deceased instead.” Riddle tries not to throttle him for the “unfortunately” part.

Ruggie shrugs and reaches for his wand in his pocket. “Didn’t say I disagreed.”

Their time for conversing runs out, because the amalgamation that once was human sets its sights on them. 

“ GIVE… GIVE IT BACK!”

Gripping their wands and holding their breath, they charge into battle.

꧁꧂

The gang would love nothing more than to say they went in headfirst and were able to immediately turn the tides in their favor.

They were not.

The blot apparently could move extremely fast if it wanted to, leading to it quickly closing in on Deuce and throwing him against a nearby tree. Trey, avoiding the tendrils, rushed over to make sure he was still breathing. Riddle was barking out orders to try and synchronize attacks for the maximum amount of damage which, given the circumstances, everyone followed as best they could. That plan was slowly being foiled as more and more appendages grew from its body to deflect against possible attacks. They still did damage but not enough to give a chance at stopping it before it could raze all of campus.

The only thing the group could utilize was the fact the blot seemed to target Ace more than anyone else, leading to open spaces in it’s defense as it prioritized hurting him over than protecting itself.

“Ruggie! Cater! The next time it goes for Ace, freeze its tentacle to the ground!” Riddle called out. The two boys nodded and carefully watched as the blot reached for Ace once more. With Ruggie aiming to connect it’s base to the ground and Cater aiming to freeze it higher from there, the tentacle remained stuck to the grass.

The blot viciously screams and causes both Leona and Ruggie to cover their ears and crouch down. Their overly sensitive ears rang loudly to the point where both start to become extremely dizzy, and the blot takes that as an opportunity. 

Able to predict this, Jade lights the section around the beastmen on fire and the blot is moving too quickly to stop itself from lighting it’s own arm on fire. It pulls back and hisses loudly while Jamil helps the two up.

The group's morale is swiftly stuck down as it replaces the burned arm with two more. Floyd groans in aggravation and impatience. “How are we supposed’ta kill something that keeps comin’ back?!”

As disheartening as it was to hear, the rest knew he was right. The battle would only go until the students ran out of energy and could no longer fight. They scoured their brains for any sort of solution, but not many came to mind. The blot starts to slow down, giving the group time to quickly discuss. 

“Leona, do you think it’d be possible to use your magic on them?” Riddle questions. Leona huffs and runs a hand through his mane. “It’d be hard to touch the damn thing without it beating the life out of me. Plus, I don’t know if it’d keep traveling and destroy ___ themself.” 

Well…

They all briskly turn their heads in the direction of the blot. Trey comes over with Deuce leaning on him and Yuu still hiding in the trees, unable to defend themselves.

“Hey,” Trey calls out, “that wasn’t the same voice from earlier.” 

Jamil’s mouth is slightly agape. “No, that was ___ on their own.”

I guess regarding that sort of thing, it would be better if I just died, right?

They all stilled, trying to process what they just heard. 

“That’s… that isn’t…” Azul tries to format a sentence but is unable to even conjure up a proper response. 

Can you at least tell me why you’re leaving? Was it something I said?

It’s ugly - the way things fall apart.

Are you sorry for what you did?

Was it always my fault?

Will we ever be okay?

Did I wait too long? 

Is it me?

The phrases all mesh together like a crazed orchestra, one cry for help after another. If the blot could cry, it was right now. Jamil motions towards it but is pulled back by Cater and Riddle. 

“Hey, no matter how uber-upset that thing is, it’s still gonna dismantle everything if we don’t hurry up and stop it.”

“JAMIL!”

By the time Ruggie’s shout is heard, the blot has already grabbed Jamil and absorbed him into it’s very being. Riddle and Cater scatter from their previous position near the second-year and ready up their wands again.

“Quit fucking around! We just gotta beat the shit out of this thing until it eats dirt!” Ace’s less-than-eloquent phrasing kicks everyone back into battle mode. “We can’t just let it kill Jamil!” 

Once more, they try to win a losing battle.

꧁꧂

The first thing that Jamil notices is that he’s somehow able to still breathe. The second is that he can still see. He looks back and forth as he’s forcibly sucked deeper and deeper to the core of the blot. Moving his limbs is a herculean task and he figures the smart option is to wait it out in hopes that at some point he’ll regain free will. 

He’s not sure how long it actually takes, but he notices the flow starts to slow down and eventually stops. A large white opening is in front of him and he trudges to try and reach it before it closes. As he takes his first step through it - the scenery before his eyes completely changes. 

The ceiling is flesh-like in appearance other than it’s deep maroon color. There’s one only wall, circling the entire area with no corners to be seen. It feels like the most uncomfortable bubble known to mankind. Pulsating veins slither their way across the room while the floor shakes and throbs below him ; not unlike a beating heart. They all make their way to the same area - the core of the blot.

You.

He swallows and continues his trek towards you while trying to ignore the coiling around his legs and the disgusting pop! they make every time he lifts his leg. 

Jamil murmurs your name and you turn toward him. It takes all of his willpower not to run back.

The veins have entered your body and removed the eyes that were once in your sockets. Multiple of them going in and out, in and out, exiting through your mouth, your ears, ripping open your stomach and beginning to feast on your organs. He wants to throw up but he can’t even make the motion to. 

“Jamil?”

He’s never heard your voice sound that small.

Swallowing his fear, he inches in your direction, careful not to disrupt his surrounds too much lest you get overwhelmed and go on the defensive. 

Once he arrives in front of you, you look up at him and he returns the action. Your hand creeps towards his, terrified of being rejected. He saves you from the distress and reciprocates as he holds your right hand first then goes for your left hand with his other one. You lay your head on his chest and his heart breaks at your sobs. 

“I’m sorry I couldn’t be better.”

The sincerity of your statement is too strong to be a lie. “I’m sorry that everyone expected so much of you.” He mumbles back. He was used to this sort of burden in life and wished he was there for you earlier to shoulder you from the horrors that came with it.

You wrap your arms around him and sink down to the floor. He easily molds with you and you two sit in silence, understanding one another. 

You sound so tired when you speak. “Is everyone okay?” He hums before answering. 

“Some injuries here and there, nothing permanent I would think.” You nod slightly after hearing it. “That’s good.”

Despite everything he’s gone through tonight, he’s never felt more at peace. He grants himself the luxury of a falsified illusion where you’re both okay, where his friends aren’t fighting for their lives, where you’re not on the verge of collapse. 

Your hand reaches out and lays flat on his cheek. A joyless smile graces your face, and Jamil still thinks you’re beautiful. 

Your voice is barely a whisper yet he’s never heard anything more clear in his life.“If I died right now, I think I would be okay with how my last moments went.” 

It’s poetic and tragic - two of his least favorite things - but he’d never reprimand you for it. He’d never let you go out in such a bleak way.  “I’d hope your last moments were happier than this.” 

You giggle and the veins start to exit your eyes. “I’ve never been happier in my life, Jamil.” They crawl back down your arms and lifelessly drop the floor. When your eyelids close and open back up, he’s relieved to see your eyes back to normal. The room starts to shake and he knows that the blot is going to give way soon. He wishes he had more words he could give you but he’s petrified you won’t be alive for him to act on them. 

You both are steadily falling towards the earth, like angels being banished from heaven. He disregards judgement and speaks from his heart.

“I’d live through this night a thousand times over for you.”

You grab hold of him as you plummet down.

“I’d do it all over again if it meant we could stay like this.”

And you crash.

Chapter Text

You don’t know how many days it’s been.

The voices in the room come in and out, all at different times. It’s hard to figure out which are real and which are a result of your… unfortunate incident. They all seem familiar to a point but not enough where you can pin down exactly who’s speaking. You’ve stopped trying to respond to them as well.  At first you were screaming within your head but none of the words actually made it out. The hospital bed doesn’t give much room for movement and you’re almost certain you still look like a vegetable to the outside world. There’s a small part of you that feels like your body is going to start eating away at itself since you can’t get any food or water. What a way to go out, huh? Dying because you couldn’t keep your emotions in check.

There’s one consistent voice that always seems to be talking to you specifically rather than other people in the room. Whenever they come in and have a one-sided conversation with you, you feel life being breathed into you substantially more than all the other mumbles that pass through your subconscious. 

It comes again today. The pain in their voice is unimaginable. You’re so desperate to reach out and make it stop. It’s grating on your ears because you know it’s your fault they’re like this in the first place - whoever it is. You wish everything in general would stop. All the prayers for your consciousness, hopes that you’d “come back to them.” Them? Most of these people barely knew you. This entire experience had just been a freak accident and soon enough you’d be forgotten by all of them once you went home. You just wanted to tell them that.

So you did.

“I…” Good God, your voice sounded like you smoked a pack a day, “...have a hard time believing that.”

You barely even had opened your eyes before the light started to give you a headache. A bright burst of blurry red completely overwhelms your sight and you finally realize who’s been by your side all this time.

Riddle’s face is blotchy, his hands are shaking and clothes disheveled. His appearance certainly isn’t becoming of a queen, that’s for sure. 

He grabs you with desperation you didn’t even think he’d be capable of and especially not towards you. Words fall from his mouth mixed with sniffles and incomprehensible blubbers and you almost think this is a poorly cloned version of RIddle versus the actual boy you’ve hung around the past few months.

“Y-you can never ever do that again! Do you understand me? We didn’t know if you would ever wake up or if you would remember us or this or anything and I… I couldn’t…” He hangs his head and tries to catch his breath.

“I thought… I thought  I just let you die.” He quietly confesses.

You internally sympathize with him while the two of you sit in silence. To open up to someone as much as you did with each other only for them to disappear and come back in an absolute tormented state and the chance that you never actually got to say goodbye? No wonder he was so rattled.

The next twenty minutes were filled with apologies going back and forth (“I’m sorry I left without telling you”, “I’m sorry I didn’t see how much you were hurting,” and every variation of the sort) and a tight albeit awkward and stiff hug. He was still learning, after all. There was something resembling a smile on his face at the end and he looked much less tense than when you first woke up. Finally able to relax peacefully, you lay your head back onto your pillow and close your eyes. You’d have to leave eventually but that was a bridge to cross later.

The peace doesn’t last long though, once Riddle starts to say something you were hoping you’d never heard. 

“___, as irresponsible as it sounds, I’m glad you showed up here.” You can feel your heart accelerate while you peak from the corner of your eye. You didn’t want confessions or any tender-hearted moments - not now. Swallowing the disillusionment that things would go back to normal after this wasn’t something you think you could handle at the moment. 

“Your honesty is something I admire and I just…” he clears his throat. “I think you deserve mine as well, given all that we’ve discussed and what you’ve gone through. ___, I think I l-”

“Please don’t say it.”

He turns so quickly towards you think his neck is going to break. His face is filled with the very definition of the word betrayal and you know you have to explain yourself before he brings the entire place down. 

You take a deep breath and try to articulate this in the least harmful way, “It’s not that I don’t want to accept or anything. I just think that right now, where we are as people, isn’t… great,” you say clumsily. “There really isn’t an easy way to go about it. Your mom, both our moms , did a lot to us. Physically, emotionally, mentally. I think the idea of love you have now and what you want,” you can hear how labored his breathing is and it breaks you even more, “I don’t think I’m the person for that.”

You look at him, gritted teeth and fists clenched, his hands shaking while his mouth trembles, and you want the blot to come back and finish you off. You’re telling the truth, though. His perception of love will always be warped, and so will yours. You both desire two different kinds of love and you can already see the inevitable failure down the line. He needs to be nurtured and re-taught what love really is, and you weren’t built for that. “You need someone who can help you grow. I’d only stop the roots from getting past the dirt.”

Even with the window open you still feel like you can’t breathe. You’re awful for this, for making him think you’re something you’re not. He’s ready to bare his soul to you and you shut him down before he can finish. It wasn’t technically a rejection, especially since the words never actually came out, but did that even help? At the end of the day, you’d still walk out as two separate people - and he’ll hate you for it. You just ruined any chance of the friendship continuing after this moment.

“You’re right.”

The tiniest ghost of a smile shows up on his face when you gracefully reply with “Ubbghh?” He’s rubbing his fingers together, something you’ve noticed he does when he’s thinking. “I was too hasty. I understand where you’re coming from,” is what he says, but the glisten in his eyes gives him away. For the first time in God knows how long, he gets up from the chair next to your bed. “I’m sorry to do this after putting you on the spot like that, but I just need a little time to myself.” 

He leaves without giving you a chance to reply.

Chapter Text

There’s a gross sort of stagnance that hangs in the air for the next few days. You’d specifically asked the nurses to not allow anyone else into your room after your conversation with Riddle given that there was a decent chance you’d have a complete mental break if you were forced to come to terms with your own shortcomings.

What good was your existence here - genuinely? There was nothing for you to enhance or make more enjoyable. Your general disposition did nothing but tank the mood of whatever room you entered and trying to hide that had done nothing but land you in an over-sterilized hospital room with nurses who really didn’t give a shit about whether or not you tied those bandages around your neck and cut off your oxygen supply. Wasn’t an overblot supposed to rehabilitate you? Make everything come to light as if you had bared your soul to God and suddenly it all made sense - the suffering and self torture, the nights spent bashing your head against the mirror and begging for a new body, new personality, new self, wishing that someone could crawl directly into the orifices of your brain so that they could understand the ugly combination of inferiority and self-inflated false confidence that slithered down your throat every time you breathed. All that was happening in this stupid fucking room was a constant stream of everything you’ve done wrong for the past few weeks and all the things you could never do to fix it. It’s not like you could really move all that much either so you had no choice but to sit and self reflect. You sit and think of the people you hurt, you betrayed, the ones that deserved it and the ones that didn’t. Did you kill anyone? Did you want to?

You prided yourself on your ability to do whatever benefited you when you needed to but now it had put you at rock bottom. There’s nothing left here. No home to go to, no friends who will still want to be around you. You were selfish and irredeemable and it was time to stop avoiding it. You weren’t strong, never were, just evil and malicious, undeserving of love or kindness. That’s why all these miserable years on Earth have made you yearn for an end to it all. One can only live with hopelessness for so long before every road seems bleak and unending ; every path leads to your demise at your own hands. It’s entirely too much to think about or deal with and you force your eyes shut to try and make it all go away whilst hoping for a dreamless sleep. One thought splinters through your mind though, regardless of how hard you tried to avoid it.

You really wish you died in that blot.
꧁꧂
The doctor at your bedside uses two arms to check your eyes, a third to check your heartbeat and his last is writing out on a clipboard. It’s mildly unsettling but makes the final checkup go much quicker, so you suppose you can’t complain all that much.

“Well,” he says while lowering his tools, “Physically you’re mostly up to snuff, other than a few injuries that need some time to heal. Mentally though there are some…” he pauses and his three eyes blink. He’s probably trying to say this in the least offensive way possible. “...Concerns.”

Yup.

He flips through some documents and mutters to himself before looking back at you. “You have no legal guardians listed here and my nurses haven’t been able to find anything, and I must say I’m not entirely on board with releasing you just yet. There are quite a few red flags here…” he trails off, speaking in some foreign tongue. You sit on the edge of the bed awkwardly as you don’t have anything to add due to him being right. Saying anything about how you got here will most certainly land you in the mental ward of this place. ‘Actually the big fancy black hole in my room transported me to this world and then I exploded because I hate the universe and everyone in it. Nothing abnormal here!’

There’s a timid knock on the door as a nurse steps through, “Doctor Armingar, there’s someone here to speak with you about discharging ____.” The doctor’s eyebrows furrow as well as yours. Who the hell would come to talk about that? If it’s Crowley then you’re telling the doctor he’s cruelly negligent and that you’ll take the big white room and straightjacket in five seconds flat over going with him.

Thankfully, it’s not him. Unthankfully, it’s someone who stresses you out way more.
“___! My little gumdrop!” Lilia says with way too much enthusiasm to the point where you can hear your heart skipping beats. His fucking what?

Dr. Armingar is apparently in cahoots with Lilia because they immediately engage in lighthearted conversation. What each has been up to, how the Doctor’s trip to the Bermuda Triangle went, if Malleus is still eating candle wax (you cough on the water you’d been drinking over that one) before Lilia motions to you and explains why he’s here. Sort of.

“My little rascal has gotten themselves into trouble again,” he sighs dramatically. Having Lilia as a father seems like a stressful enough situation given the horrors you’ve heard about his kitchen prowess - or rather his lack thereof - but if it convinced Doc Ock over here to let you free then you’d be the best damn kid known to mankind.

“Sorry I kinda blew up and got myself into this mess. Thanks for coming to get me… Dad.” You try not to twitch after calling him that. Lilia on the other hand lights up like a Christmas tree and considering their personal history, gives the doctor enough reason to believe the two of you and give Lilia some basic care and updates on what to do post-hospitalization. Ignoring the fact you feel like you’re third wheeling in a situation where you are literally the main character, you let them sort things out in a flurry of jargon you don’t care enough to pay attention to, and Lilia leads you to the outside world. Eugh, sunlight.

“Um… thanks for getting me out of there…” you mumble. He looks a lot less jovial than when you both were inside and you pray you’re not about to be sent to the fae shadow realm for pissing him off. Not that you asked him to do this in the first place, but maybe he was forced to?

He starts walking- er, floating, towards the street and you have no choice but to follow. You have no idea where you are in relation to the campus and would prefer not to have to hitchhike back. It’s a stressfully quiet walk but too fragile for you to break with any conversation. Apparently Lilia doesn’t feel the same way.

“Malleus told me you’d been having some issues at night. I didn’t realize it would be this serious.” You don’t respond and he takes this as a sign to continue. “I shouldn’t say this is that unexpected. I’ve sensed a darkness brewing within you for quite a spell, so to speak. Not that there’s much wrong with that given the company most of us tend to keep.” He gives you a sly smile and your blood feels a little less icy. “Magic is a fickle thing, wouldn’t you say, young one? I’m sure the idea of having an insurmountable amount of power was riveting to your human mind, hm? Especially since it was a farce at the start.”

Oh, fuck.

You stop dead in the middle of the sidewalk, failing to even process the goat beastman who bumps into you and scowls for acting like an idiot in public. You sit blubbering like a fish out of water while Lilia just sways back and forth, that stupid fucking smile on his face like he didn’t just collapse your world with one sentence. It felt like the Sahara in your mouth, too shocked to breathe. Your eyes weren’t even producing tears since it felt like your entire body was shutting down.

“Y-you knew?”

Lilia waves off your approaching panic attack with a wave of his hand and comes closer to you. “No need for all that. I don’t plan on, oh what did Cater call it? ‘Spilling the tea’ if I recall.” You’d laugh if you didn’t want to kill yourself right now. “There’s nothing to gain from that. Besides, I enjoy having this little secret to myself. Come. Let’s get back to campus so you can explain this all to me, yes?”
꧁꧂
And explain you did.

You changed a few things here and there, but for the most part Lilia knew about you and why you had formerly-false-but-now-mostly-real psychic powers. Saying that their world was just a video game to you was just as insane as it sounded in your head, but he seemed to take it in stride.

“There’s many universes within this existence of ours, you know. I’m sure there’s weirder things you could’ve told me.” He had said. You weren’t sure about that but took your blessing where you could count them.

Lilia’s room isn’t quite what you expected. His dorm SR showed the electric guitar but it clicked when you walked in that he was a crazy mix of grandpa and emo teen. His bed was way too comfortable for a college dorm room and you were convinced he had connections to get some shit from Ikea or Jordan’s in here - or whatever the equivalent was. God, you’d kill for a Purple mattress right now.

“So,” you say, taking a sip of the berry juice he’d given you to calm you down. It was surprisingly effective and you had to question if he shoved some xanax or some shit in there, “When did you find out I’m a big fat liar?” No use in sugarcoating it now that your cover was blown.

He hums thoughtfully while admiring the picture across from him on the desk. “I had suspicions from the start. I was being genuine when I said future-sight abilities are a real rarity in our little world. Surely I would’ve been tipped off about your existence in some way. You also seemed unsure of it yourself when you revealed the secret. Not to mention your spectacle in Trein’s class was substantially different from anything else we’d seen.” He pauses. “And I saw you check out that lab study on magic transmutation and development through extended exposure.” That last part was probably on you for not looking at your surroundings when going batty in the library.

He sits next to you on his bed and your head almost instantly falls onto his shoulder. Maybe he really did have a dad effect. You didn’t feel uneasy around him now that you came clean, and found that his presence was actually pretty soothing. The idea that there was someone this old, someone who had surely seen everything there is to see and wouldn’t judge you for what you really were, was comforting. His hand runs through your hair as he begins speaking once again.

“When I was raising Silver, I read him all sorts of fairy tales. Some were more history than legend, but he took an interest in everything I said. Compared to Malleus and myself, he looks like a normal human. He never said it aloud but I could tell it disheartened him that he wasn’t born with a tail or horns, or even some outward magic ability unlike anyone else. I always told him he didn’t have to be anything but himself, that he could save people just by being Silver.” He ruffles your hair. “I wish I’d been able to do the same for you when you were a fledgling.”

You hate to cry in front of people, but it was all too much. “I just… I want to be useful! There has to be a reason for me to exist, right? For all of this to happen to me?” He holds you tighter as you sob into his chest, “I don’t care who hurts me anymore. I have to be used for my life to be worth anything. If this pain is the only thing keeping me attached to my humanity then that’s okay! It means I have a purpose for being alive. That somebody needs me around. I just- I don’t-”

Nothing comes out anymore except breathy screams and tremors from your body. Lilia starts singing softly in the language you’d heard Malleus speak in here and there. Your body is fighting the spell but is obviously no match for someone as powerful as him. He slowly rocks you back and forth to soothe you while you try to get your breathing in order. It feels so gross to be cared for. You really don’t deserve it, not after the pain you’ve inflicted onto others. You can’t find it in your heart to tell him to stop though because deep down you want this. Want to be cared for and for someone to reach a hand past the murky waters clouding your mind no matter how much further you force yourself to sink. He clearly understands that as you let your woes out, unable to say much other than the one thing that this all boiled down to.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t help.”

Chapter Text

You can say with complete confidence that the over-sterilized hospital room felt more like a home than Ramshackle did after you came back.

Tiptoe-ing to your room was surprisingly effective. You didn’t actually know if Yuu was in the dorm or not but you weren’t risking any awkward conversation with them. You’d actually prefer never speaking to them ever again but considering how much of a “I Can Fix Them” person that they were, you were almost positive they’d try to talk to you about everything that’s happened. So here you are with chairs against your door, the blinds on the windows shut as tight as possible, your room secured like a child hiding from a monster. The issue is that the monster was already inside, and you know that, and your dormmate knew that, and everyone at the school knew it too. It wasn’t enough to want to go home anymore, because you’d be exactly the same person there as you were here. Could you change? 

Did you even want to? 

The misery had been your best friend for years. The comfort of absolution, of knowing nothing would ever be worth it. You couldn’t be disappointed because there was no expectation. But then you came here, came to this stupid fucking world with it’s hope and magic and thought maybe this was your chance because nobody knew you or what you had done. The selfishness that tainted your hands and the desire to hurt others that haunted your mind. Even with other people just like you here it still didn’t feel right. They had reasons to be upset and to be hateful. What did you have?

You sat in your room as the light of the day slowly became the stillness of the night. Knowing what you had to do within these next few days hurt your chest and yet held a slight bit of comfort. The familiar numbness of want overpowered by what you actually deserved. Maybe this could be your first selfless act here - letting go. This was your first step to being better ; Your first step to letting the people you had hurt finally heal. 

꧁꧂

The idea of going directly into the Mostro Lounge scared the life out of you. There had already been looks and whispers of scorn while you passed by students on your way there so the idea of being in an enclosed area with them was daunting to say the least. You were in the middle of sending a text to Jade when the devil himself busted out of the doors. You could’ve sworn he was his brother by how disheveled he looked. Your mouth opened and closed as you started to realize this was way more difficult to say out loud than you had planned. 

“You’re… alive.”

You snorted. “Astute observation, Jade.” When he smiled at you, sharp teeth and all, it didn’t seem like his usual one. There was no maliciousness nor spite. He hadn’t just hatched a master plan. He was just… happy. It wasn’t something you’d ever really gotten to see, but it looked nice on him regardless. Despite everything, you both were just teenagers - and no amount of scheming and blackmail could change that. He could play the role of some big bad scary guy but he still got happy, excited, sad, just like any other kid your age. 

“Can I talk to you? Somewhere private,” you asked as you wrapped your arms around your waist and fiddled with the fabric of your shirt. Was it cold in here all of a sudden? He nodded and guided you to a room down the hall. It was filled with what you assumed to be old props and costuming for the lounge. He looked at you expectantly and you had a sinking feeling you were about to let him down severely. 

“So I don’t, um, it’s not…,” you couldn’t fucking look at him. How do you explain this to him without sounding like a bad guy? “I can’t… be around you anymore. I guess.”

It clearly isn’t what he thought you were going to say by his facial expression. His eyes narrowed and you only had a few seconds to explain yourself before things got ugly - quick. After all, implying he was the problem in this somehow was probably not the way you should’ve started the conversation. Misjudgement on your part evidently. 

“Not to say, like, it’s something that you did. It’s me honestly. It’s just that me, who I am right now, isn’t good enough for you - or anyone for that matter.” This sounded like a bad breakup from a Hallmark movie. “I have a lot of things I need to work on and I’m scared that the longer I spend around you the worse I’ll make you because I do that, you know? All my anger and negativity spreads to the people around me and they get mad and so do I and no matter how much I want to not be that person, I can’t help it because it’s all I’ve ever done so I don’t know how to-” He grabs your shoulder and stops your rambling. You’re not even sure what you were talking about because he looks at you so kindly in a way that you never really expected from him. His eyes close and his head drops a little before he gives you a small close-mouthed smile. 

“It’s okay,” he says and it almost sounds like he’s trying to convince himself, “I’m not mad.” And despite the fact he’s gripping you so hard you think there’s bruises forming you can’t help but feel relieved. Because when Riddle walked out of that hospital room you knew it would be a long, long time before he could even fathom speaking to you again. His mannerisms told you everything that his mouth wouldn’t and while you couldn’t blame him, you were so grateful that it didn’t seem like Jade would be going that direction either. The grip on your shoulders dissipates before his hands move down to hold yours. 

“I think it’s rather admirable of you to admit this to me, don’t you? Brave as well. And while it’s not the-,” he looks contemplative for a moment, “ideal situation, it can’t be helped.” It takes you a second to realize that his hands aren’t shaking, but that your whole body is. You didn’t really think this sort of outcome was plausible and couldn’t help yourself from giving him a tight hug. He chuckled and gave you a tight hug back - not Floyd tight considering you didn’t hear your organs squelching, but one that showed you two were still okay. You separated and looked at him again. “So, this whole rejection thing, you’re okay with us just being friends?”

He tilted his head, confused. “Friends? That’s all we’ve ever been, isn’t it?”

Oh.

Maybe you’d looked into it too much. Someone like Jade surely would have so many people who wanted to be with him. Were you truly so conceited that you thought for a moment he had any romantic interest in you whatsoever?

You quickly pulled away from him out of sheer embarrassment. “Yeah! No, yeah we uh… we’re friends! Buddies, chums,” you lightly punched his shoulder, “Amigossss…” you trailed off and coughed into your hand. He raised his eyebrow at your antics and as his mouth opened again, you clapped your hands to avoid further humiliation.

 “Well! This was delightful and stuff but I have to go see a guy about, uh, yogurt.” 

He looked unimpressed at your reasoning. “You have to go see someone about yogurt?” he asked skeptically. In his defense, you probably wouldn’t believe anyone if they said that either. 

“Yeah! I need some like, oat alternatives. Saving the cows from the dairy industry and, well, you know. Sooooo… I’m just gonna,” you motioned to the door and started towards it. “Thanks for talking to me and stuff and for being my… friend. Still. And stuff.” You quickly ducked out the door so you wouldn’t have to face whatever he’d respond with. How dense were you? Not only did you give the most braindead excuse ever, but now he thinks that you thought he liked you. He was probably repulsed at the mere thought. 

Shaking your head, you carried on to try and disregard your own callousness. 

꧁꧂

Jade walked back into the Mostro Lounge alone, his throat tight. Floyd peaks out from the kitchen, frowning at the sight and asks, “Where’s the ducky?” Jade shrugs and goes to check the order that just came through. Following his brother, he pokes at his sides until Jade smacks his hand away. Whining as if Jade actually put any force into it, Floyd leans against the counter. “Didn’t you tell them that you had a crush on them?”

The words on the ticket blur for Jade until they’re completely unintelligible. “It wasn’t the right time,” is all he mutters to his brother. Floyd, unhappy with the answer, grabs his brother’s face and forces him into eye contact. He hasn’t seen Jade like this in years, not since they were little eels trying to avoid sharks. Jade shakes him off and tries to focus on his current task. As he walks back into the lounge, he hears Floyd yell behind him, “Is there ever gonna be a right time?”

Jade isn’t foolish enough to have hope for such a thing.

Chapter Text

You grew up knowing there’s no such thing as an “easy way” out of any situation. The old phrase “the truth hurts” was painfully accurate and it seemed like it wanted to follow you around every corridor you turned past. You couldn’t tell how you felt about most situations, everything that came out of your mouth was a contradiction, and you couldn’t even be honest with yourself - never mind other people. So when you had organized this meeting with Crowley, you knew what your end game was. It was hard to sit through with all of his, “Surely you can’t mean this!” and “There must be an alternative,” and any other phrases similar to that and not tell him to just shut up because you were firmly set on this. At the end of his spiel, he sighed and leaned back in his chair. There was nothing for you to say that you didn’t already tell him 20 minutes ago so you opted to stay seated and glance around his office. There were various documents and achievements hung around, letters from old students and things of the sort which struck you as a little odd. You never pegged Crowley as being the sentimental type but even human-crow-headmaster hybrid’s liked to hold onto things the same way you would. 

He opens one of his desk drawers and pulls out a pen. As he signs the sheet you placed in front of him, he pauses for a second and nonchalantly spins the pen around in his hands. “Are you sure about this, my dear?” he asks you once more. Sure about it? Absolutely. Happy about it? Not in the slightest. You’re breaking apart at the seams as you sit here, in fact, but showing that would only reinforce the idea that this isn’t what you want and you can’t afford that at all. 

He finishes off his signature with what looks to be a very over-dramatic and outlandishly curly “Y” and you grab the paper so he can’t suddenly decide to take it back. You look at him one more time and whisper out, “Thank you,” before you’re rushing out the door. Cowardice on your part, but it’s what you do best evidently. 

꧁꧂

You do need to give yourself more credit, because true cowardice would be completely ignoring Jamil the same way he’s done to you. He’d avoided you in class, made no effort to invite you out anymore for lunch, and mysteriously was extremely busy whenever you made your way over to the Scarabia dorm. 

Actually, that last one was probably true so you’d let him get away with it. 

This time, you were smart enough to contact Kalim in advance to make sure Jamil wouldn’t be able to evade you, which he was more than happy to help with. Jamil wouldn’t do anything to upset Kalim, not yet anyway, which meant there was almost a guarantee he’d be dealing with whatever nonsense the boy had put him up to as a distraction. 

You’d been to Scarabia many times in your career as a sort-of Night Raven College student but you had never really stopped to appreciate how beautiful it is. It looked just like those “Wish you were here!” postcards at small gift shops but the atmosphere was something else entirely. It felt so clean and pure, the sort of place you were tainting as you walked on its soil. It was like a one-sided love. You could appreciate it and long for it from afar, you could dream of it at night, but it would never want you the same way you wanted it. It didn’t want the masses of humanity to tarnish it’s natural beauty and it didn’t deserve to be pinned down to one place, because you knew all too well that the people who claimed to love it, such as yourself, would be the very thing that destroys it. 

Were you still talking about the sands?

The once lively atmosphere that suffocated you during your visits here dissipated was quickly replaced by a hauntingly empty hallway. You don't know who you harmed or what you said in that overblot state but there was no doubt it had quickly spread around the school. The isolation was all too familiar - comforting and nauseating all the same. Your phone’s text notification echoed loudly, bouncing off the walls and reminding you how alone you truly were. Not just here, but in this world where you didn’t belong. Yuu had been able to adapt because they genuinely wanted things to be better. You couldn’t be that - and it should’ve been okay. But it wasn’t enough. You were never enough.

You willed yourself to look at your phone. Kalim had sent you message, “Jamil is in my room cleaning!!!! I hope you guys make up :)))) good luck !!! :p.” It was very juvenile and so very Kalim. You envied his innocence. Someone like him who had literal threats on his life constantly and yet still lived with such hope for the future. You did understand Jamil to a point because being able to even have that sort of blind optimism in of itself was a luxury.

Quietly opening the door to Kalim’s room, you could hear Jamil mumbling to himself about the general filth and disarray of the area. There was something endearing about him losing his composure, if only slightly. Being this young and always having this face up, presenting himself as a certain way and having to be portrayed as “less than,” it was nice to just see him talk like a normal teenager. “Palace life not treating you well, Cinderella?” 

Jamil’s shoulders tensed and he whipped around to see you, a brief expression of shock on his face before it quickly shifted to disgust. “Don’t compare me to that wretch,” he muttered before turning back around and continuing his job. Okay, he’s joking back - sort of. Better than pure silence. He stopped again and sighed, “Why are you here?” 

His tone of voice irritated you, like you were someone he didn’t have a close relationship at all with. “Sorry for assuming that moment between us meant something, I guess,” you bit back at him. You don’t want to be nasty and scare him away before getting your point across, so you quickly apologize and take a seat on Kalim’s bed. He walks over and stops for a second before sitting a calculated distance away from you. You’re the one who tricked him into being here so you should let him speak first, but he makes no effort to and instead stares at you expectantly. 

You shift uncomfortably, “Um, so I just wanna get it out that these past couple months have honestly fucking sucked. Like real bad. And I feel like I need to be wholly honest with you but also the whole story to all this is so long and complicated and stupid and I don’t have the time to go over it all so here’s the condensed and less confusing version.” You inhale and try to give a version that’s sorta truthful and still spare him all the isekai-bullshit.

“I’m not from here - like anywhere close to here. So adjusting to all this stuff was a serious culture shock to me at first, and then I realized it was just as miserable as my life before. Like I’m cursed to always be second place or-or never to be happy or always have this stupid thing gnawing at my brain and telling me how I’m a horrible, awful, irredeemable person while also being the best thing that’s ever been created. Nothing ever makes sense, right? Cause I feel one way about something and then do the opposite and try to justify it to myself because I honestly don’t know how I feel about anything and I don’t really know who I am either. And I loved to blame it all on the people around me because everyone was obviously out to get me but then when I saw Yuu and how they were kinda like me and I was like ‘Oh thank fuck, somebody else who gets it’ but then I talked to them and… and,” you pause to regain your breath after letting thoughts spit from your brain at rapid speed and pretend not to notice Jamil’s hand inching ever so slowly towards yours.

You turn to him with misty eyes, “I really get it Jamil. I do. Because I saw someone who I thought was like me but better. Yuu was- is such a good person despite being thrown into this fucking mess and they have this instinct to help people and I don’t know why it pisses me off but it does. I think I really did like them as a friend on the surface. But there was that part just underneath my skin that both hated them and wanted to be more like them. I wanted to be somebody better but I don’t because that means people take advantage of you and also means that people love you more and trust you more, and I just can’t wrap my head around it.” 

The tears are fully coming now and you’re not even sure if you’re making sense right now, but that’s because nothing makes sense to begin with. There’s no way to explain how you fully feel, how you wake up every morning with this pit in your stomach waiting for something bad to happen even when there’s nothing to indicate it but your own pessimism. You can’t be happy because you won’t allow yourself to be - and if you can’t even be happy, how can you make someone else happy?

“It’s awful, isn’t it?” Jamil says with an empty smile. “This longing for something more, something always just out of reach.” And he’s right and the feeling is awful, it also feels so good to be known in the way he knows you. There’s no way to put it into normal terms but you don’t have to because it’s like he was right next to you the whole time, watching it happen. Maybe you’re horrible for loving the mutual understanding - because really you do hate that he understands it from personal experience - but it’s like the most hideous form of bonding. Like different people who witness a car crash and feel connected through a horrible incident. 

You nod and answer him, “Yeah, it’s awful to always feel like this, but every time I was around you I was able to forget it. I was a normal kid, we both were, and I couldn’t remember the things that made me hate myself. I’d never felt like that in my life, and I don’t think I ever will again. So I need to say this before I chicken out.”

His eyes widen because you both know what’s coming. You didn’t think you’d ever do this, but adrenaline is one hell of a bitch, apparently. 

“Jamil Viper, I am unequivocally and mind-numbingly in love with you.”

His hands grasp yours in an iron-tight grip and he chokes out words like it hurts him, “You know I can’t-” 

“I know,” you cut him off. “I know, and that’s why I’m not gonna ask you to say it back, or ask you to date me or anything. I know you’re not in a place right now where you’re really allowed to do that, but I still thought it was important to let you know.” You lean over to hug him and are surprised when he actually hugs back. It’s softer than you thought it’d be, even with him squeezing you so hard you felt like your ribs were gonna pop out. It’s the best hug you’ve ever received and in turn is about to make this next sentence the most painful thing you’ve ever done.

“I’m leaving NRC.”

He pulls back so fast you’d think you’d just admitted to committed some act of mass genocide. His face is completely unreadable ; not because he’s hiding his emotions but because there’s so many expressions he’s shifting between you can’t even begin to try and decipher what he’s feeling. All he’s able to say is, “... What?”

A long time ago, you had seen a tumblr text post that was just “love is real but i’m evil now,” and had laughed at it and moved on with your day. But in this exact moment, you really understood it. Love was real, because you loved Jamil and were hoping he loved you back. But the love you would give him was too corrupted to be worth anything and instead would border on being evil. You’ve realized that the fantasy you desired was right in front of you but had managed to lose yourself in the process of trying to reach it.

“You’re…” Jamil looked like he was in total disbelief and you couldn’t really blame him. Dropping a bomb like that on him was terrible planning on your part, but eloquence was never really your strong suit. His hands slowly let go of yours and you had to force yourself not to grab them again. He stood up, walking back to Kalim’s closet and spoke to you without even making eye contact, “Do you mind leaving me alone for a little while?”

Wordlessly exiting the room, you shut the door and speed walked back down the halls of Scarabia while wiping the tears from your face. The confession was a weight off your shoulders, but was it worth causing Jamil this pain? Would it have been better if you just told him you were leaving and nothing else? Should you have even come here at all? You hated that there was no right answer. How the hell were you supposed to know any of this, nevermind be able to know how other people felt about it? Just existing was so tiring at this point. Making all these big decisions and trying to keep everything together was going to kill you one of these days, and the longer you stayed at this college, the quicker it would happen. 

But there was no more time to wallow in self pity. This time, you were doing something that would make it better for everyone in the long run - yourself included. And sure, while it hurt now, the outcome would be so much more gratifying as a result of it.

At least you hoped so.