Chapter Text
It must have been written in one of Takao sister's magazines or on the wall where she puts quotes from the books she likes. Or at least that's what Takao is saying to himself as he finds no other reason why the phrase could be stuck in his head. He can hear his inner, slightly annoying voice that seems to know everything repeat it over and over again as he walks home after first practice, and he's so angry at himself for his own decisions and so fed up with a green haired monster that happens to be on the same team, that the little thing added to all this just makes his blood boil. But it's here, and he can't do a thing about it.
If you start with loving somebody and yet know they’re not companion-like, it’s rarely, rarely that you grow to like them. But if you start by liking them, nine times out of ten you end up by loving them. *
Even though there is no one who would fit for this phrase, now is there? Then why is it in his head, Takao grumbles to himself, turning the volume of the music up and starting to hum along, even if it doesn't help at all.
-
The thing is that even though after ending on the same team Takao tells himself and everyone else that the first time he met Midorima Shintarou was during the match in junior high school between his team and so called Generation of Miracles (who, according to Takao, don't resemble miracles at all because where have you seen a miracle that isn't followed by smiles and laughter and looks as if that's just some kind of boring task that no one cares about) deep inside his head there's another memory which includes that green haired boy. It was always there, buried deep inside under regrets and mistakes that Takao decided to forget or at least ignore as much as he can. But that's the thing with life, it often happens so that the smallest trigger comes and ruins all your hard work, making all the things you wanted to forget smash right into your face. And this time the trigger was Midorima Shintarou himself.
Takao is good at showing others only what he wants to show, keeping his emotions to himself, dozens of thoughts running through his head even though all he does is offering a wide grin. The acting classes he once took just for fun happened to be quite helpful, but it also made him realise that no matter how good he is, he can't keep on pretending for too long. Sooner or later all acting stops, just sometimes you don't realise your limit.
He was doing great, running back and forth during the match with Teikou, ignoring Midorima as much as he could, letting his eyes rest on him just for a little while when no one was watching, letting his mind go back in time and repeat everything once again. The only difference was that then he had time to prepare himself for meeting Midorima, not Shin-chan, but Midorima Shintarou, the shooting guard from Generation of Miracles, and this time, when Takao sees his tall figure in the gym of the basketball club he's signed up for, it all happens too fast and he lets an innocent Shin-chan escape his lips, getting a sharp look from the green eyed boy. And something deep inside him shatters.
Because there's no little sparkling in those green eyes that would show he's expecting something, and there's no widening that would mean he's surprised. His eyes are slightly narrowed, and there's only annoyance there, with no memories behind it.
And it's stupid, so stupid of Takao to laugh it off, saying that the name Midorima just doesn't get into his head and Shin-chan is easier to remember, running away from the harsh reality that makes him realise that even though he remembers the nickname from long ago perfectly well, Midorima has done a better job at forgetting the past and Kazunari, the name he has insisted on using when they were kids, doesn't mean anything to the green eyed boy, no, a monster, for the boy he once knew is long gone, anymore.
-
Takao has never really known what it means to be alone. It's not that he has never been alone, but his mind has just never connected all the dots until the very end where the sign "I am alone" would light up. Because he simply always had someone, be it a friend from school or his mother, or simply an old lady from neighbourhood, that would strike up a conversation with him at any time, play with him or simply pat his head, making him feel needed and lovable, making the fact that he always can go to anyone stay in his head and protect him from loneliness.
He was a kid that everyone loved, a kid that always had a smile on his face and believed that the world is a lovely place. Therefore, back then it took him a while to understand what was going on. Because why would anyone frown at a cat, turning away from it and keeping that tearful, bitter expression on the face, as if the world was the worst place to be? Why would a boy of his age look so lonely on the playground, where you're supposed to have fun?
"She's not tryin' to hurt you. This kitty," he offers a weak smile, carefully coming closer to the cat and petting her head, keeping his eyes on the boy in front of him. The boy casts him a glare and ignores him, rubbing his eyes when he thinks Takao's not watching. "Why are you cryin'?" Takao asks silently and comes to sit on the swing when the cat runs away.
"'m not," the boy mutters, looking away. He follows the cat's movements for merely a few seconds, then lets out an annoyed sigh and turns his head to Takao, his beautiful green eyes locking with Takao's for a moment before he casts them down. He knows Takao has noticed the reddening around the corners, and the feeling of being watched is getting on his nerves, so the boy takes a deeper breath, and adds silently, "None of your business."
"Hey, that's not how you make friends!" the pout appears on Takao's face, his little eyebrows furrowing. But the boy simply looks at him again, and then puffs.
"I don't need friends."
Those green eyes widen slightly when Takao laughs. Of course the green haired boy couldn't have known that Takao has naively believed that he alone can make a world even a better place to live and has been waiting for a chance to prove it. And that the little boy with watery eyes has become some kind of a sign for Takao, a testing that Takao felt he needed to go through. He averts his eyes, waiting for the dark haired boy to stop laughing and leave, but when the laughter stops, a smiling face appears in front of him again and the boy is pointing with his little finger at himself.
"I'm Kazunari. And what's yer name?"
-
Now Takao thinks that they seem to have had three beginnings and in all of them Midorima didn't even try to be friendly. It's obvious that the green haired boy is not companion-like, but something seems to be off. The world must be trying to say something to Takao; he just can't figure out yet either it's reminding him that he's not needed in Midorima's life or telling him to stay and try again.
He sighs to himself, looking at the ceiling of his room, that annoying phrase still in his head. And maybe because he's really tired and doesn't care about anything right now or maybe because he just wants it to be this way, but he decides that this time he can choose himself. And there's no way he's choosing the ending where he is a poor character that's always forgotten. After all, he has always thought he could be a main character who changes the story from the very beginning. So why not now?
He says Shin-chan's name aloud and it rolls off his tongue perfectly well, just like all those years ago. And the smile on his face is back as he decides to start everything over again.