Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“God, Reg is never gonna let me live this down.” Right hand man thought as he sat angrily, hands cuffed to the armrests and his feet cuffed together. The Smalltown cops who’d caught him were bustling around, trying to contact someone higher up to come take him away.

It was supposed to be an easy break in, a simple plan to ease everyone into Reginalds new leadership of the clan. And it was simple, until the cops had bust in right at the end and, embarrassedly, caught him. He wouldn't have been caught if that cop hadn't thrown his gun, yes his gun, at his knee. It didn't fire, but it left a nasty cut that hurt when he stood on that leg. They hadn't even bothered properly bandaging it up, just half-assedly wrapped some gauze around it and called it good.

"Just put the little shit next to the Top Hat we caught, maybe that will scare him straight.”
Right looked up to see a cop walking towards him, dragging a struggling child by his wrist. The cop shoved him into the seat and cuffed him too it by the wrist.

“Try not to agitate him, Top Hats eat bad kids.” He said with a smirk.

The kid scoffed at this. Then he looked over at Right, and the smirk disappeared, replaced by a nervous swallow and an attempt to scoot away.

“Calm down, we stopped eating kids back in the 80s” Right said, trying his best to sound non-threatening, something he hadn't tried since he joined the Top Hats. It had worked though, the kid had relaxed.

“So, whaddya in for?”

The kid looked at his cuffed wrist, and gave him a nervous look.

“What? I already told you I don’t eat kids anymore, so you don’t need to be nervous.”

He raised his uncuffed hand and awkwardly spelled out “D o y o u u n d e r s t a n d s i g n?” in sign

“I do.” Right said. He had learned almost every language spoken on the airship, easier to sniff out a usurper’s plan when they couldn’t hide it with another language. “You ok without me signing back? I would, but,” he pulled weakly at his restraints.

“Y e a h.” he signed back.

“So, you never answered my question, whaddya in for?”

“S t o l e a s c o o t e r.”

“That it? Being cuffed next to me for just a scooter seems overkill.”

“T h a t ‘ s j u s t w h a t t h e y m a n a g e d e d t o c a t c h m e d o i n g t h i s t i m e” he signed, a smug look on his face “T h e y ‘ v e b e e n t r y i n g t o c a t c h m e f or m o n t hs”

“Ah, so you’re this town's local master criminal. Good for you.”

He nodded, looking extremely proud. “W h a t a r e y o u i n f o r?”

“Got caught breaking into the bank, and I broke one of their arms, so assaulting an officer. And being a Top Hat is frowned on, I've heard.”

“Hey Top Hat!” an officer yelled, “we finally contacted the government! Get ready to leave!”

“Shit” Right hadn’t expected them to contact anyone so soon. He hadn’t thought up away to break his cuffs. He knew he could make a run for the doors, there were only 30 cops in his way, he could take them all easy, even with his leg, but he couldn’t break steel.

Or maybe he could? He began to pull hard and fast against his arm cuffs. A few cops laughed at him, which gave him the incentive to try harder so he could break their noses. But it was no use.

He felt a small tug at his sleeve. He looked over to see the kid, free and with a safety pin and bobby pin. Right indemnity stopped struggling and let the kid pick his locks.
Right stood quietly once he was free, rubbing at his wrists, trying to wake them up.

“Thanks kid.” he said, appreciatively. Then he grabbed the chair he was previously chained to, and threw it at the cop who got him. He fell, hard, and all eyes were on him.

He knew he should have snuck out, but it was worth it.

“Stay behind me, I’ll get us both out.” the kid nodded and they were off to the doors. Most just ran for them without drawing their weapons, easy to take care of with a swift punch to the neck.

The further down, the more guns were drawn. Luckily, his leg didn’t hurt when delivering quick kicks to their guns and batons, it did when he then kicked their faces, but not as much as when he had to stand on it

He managed to effortlessly beat the shit out of the remaining officers by the time they had reached the door. He looked behind him, about to ask the kid if he was alright, only to discover he was gone.

“Shit! Kid-” His panic was quickly interrupted by the sound of a motor getting louder. The kid came out of a room on a motorized scooter, smiling happily.

He looked over at Right and signed "I got my scooter back!”

Right stared at him for a moment, then just turned to the door. He held it open as he scooted out.

“What’s your name?” Right asked.

“Henry.”

“Thanks for picking my handcuffs, Henry.”

He smiled and signed “Thanks for breaking me out, my family would have been pissed if they found out about this.”

“Yeah, well be more careful next time.” he said with a dismissive wave of his hand. He Signed that he would and zoomed away.

Nice kid, maybe he'll join us one day He thought, He walked over to a cop car with the windows rolled down, it would be easy to hot wire, he just needed to find a rock to bust open tha panel-

"Freeze!" He whipped his head around just as the gun fired, before he could react there was a flash of blue in front of him. Henry fell onto the ground, a bullet wound in his side. "Shit did I hit that kid?"

He looked back at the cop, the same cop that had gotten his knee, and apparently learned how to shoot.

Did that kid take a bullet for him?

That kid took a bullet for him.

His instincts kicked in and he grabbed the scooter and threw it at the cop. It hit his face with a loud crunch, and he got knocked to the ground.
Right went to his knees next to the kid. He had gotten knocked out from the fall, lucky for him, he wouldn’t have to deal with the pain from the bullet in his side. Right sighed picked him up and put him in the back of the car, He quickly hot wired it and sped off, with no idea how he’d explain all of this to Reginald.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Righty? What’s that?” Reginald asked.

“A slim Jim.” Right hand man answered, taking a big chomp out of said slim jim.

“Not the sLIM JIM, THE KID!”

Right hobbled into the landed airship, Henry, slumped over his shoulders buzzed from the half a bottle of liquid pain medicine Right had given him. “He helped me break out of the police office I was stuck in, and he took a bullet for me.”

“You got captured?” he turned angrily to the two Top Hats behind him “You two told me decided to run an errand!”

"B-Breaking out of prison can be considered and errand!" One of them said. The two immediately coward as Reginald got ready to scream at them, but Right stopped him.

“Reg, we can deal with these two later. The two of us are bleeding out.”

"Shit, come on, lets get you two to the infirmary."

One of the other Top hats took Henry while Reginald took hold of Right's should and took the weight off his injured leg.

"So, are you kidnapping the kid?"

Right Rolled his eyes "No Reg, just treating his wounds, it's the least I could do"

"If you say so."

"What's that supposed to mean?."

"You said the same thing about fluffinator."

"fluffinator was a stray dog, this is a kid, I'm not keeping him." He said indignantly.

This statement would turn out to false.

Chapter Text

“You’re leaving yourself open again.” Right hand man said, quickly sweeping Henry’s leg, sending him to the ground.

Henry had been on the airship for almost a year now, despite Reginald’s insistence that they weren’t keeping him, and after a government’s attempted raid had left him with a black eye, Right had decided it was finally time to teach him how to properly fight. After he left that Government agent with through brain damage, of course. 

“Come on now, up on your feet.” Right said. Henry huffed and pushed himself off the Airship’ gym floor, this time with his stance tighter. Right threw a weak punch that Henry managed to doge, he gave Henry a nod and threw another, Henry dodging again, this time swinging into a kick that landed on Right’s knee, almost making him fall.

“Ay, good job,” Right said, Henry smiled proudly. “But you left yourself open again.” and kicked his ankle, sending him face-first to the ground.

“WHoOo! Good job Righty!” Reginald called out as he lay hedonistically on a barbell bench press, already three strong drinks into the evening.

Henry glared and stuck out his tongue, Reginald responded with laughter and poured himself another drink.

“Oi, Reg, calm down with the martinis.” Right said, picking Henry up from under his shoulders and putting him back on his feet. 

Reginald took a loud, exaggerated sip from his drink, and answered with a curt “No~”

Right rolled his eyes and turned back to Henry, “ok, back to work.”

Henry groaned, “Can’t you just teach me how to shoot a gun or use a bat?”

“Yes. After you learn how to fight without them.”

“Why?”

“They’re a crutch, now c’mon, stop complaining and get ready.”

“But Dad, this is stupid-”

It took the three of them a moment to realize what Henry had signed. Both Right and Henry had frozen, painfully unaware of how to deal with this situation properly. Luckily, Reginald was too drunk to put thought into anything he said. 

“Awww! He,” He fought back a drunken gag, “He called you dad! We have a son!”

“I plead the fifth-”

Henry was interrupted by Reginald stumbling over and throwing him into a half-hug, drink sloshing in one hand, his other arm wrapped around Henry’s shoulder.

“I told you, Righty! I told you we should just keep him! But nooooooooo, “he ‘as parents, he can’t stay” and “he’s just staying till he’s healed, I don’t think he even wants to be ‘ere.” Reginald slurred, doing a surprisingly well impression of his Right Hand Man.

“Wait, you guys actually want me?” Henry asked.

“Yes, but-”

“But Nothing Righty! This is our kid now! C’mon, let’s go get the papers!” Reginald spun on his heels and tripped over himself. Landing flat on his face and laying unmoving.

The two started down at Reginald. Henry nervously looked back at Right and signed, “Is he dead?”

Right walked over and threw Reginald over his shoulder, “Nah, just knocked out. I keep tellin’ him to stop drinking so much on his days off. Come on, I gotta drop him off at our room.” 

The two left and made their way down the airships winding hall. Occasionally crossing other Toppats, who’d look at their leader hanging limply from his Right Hand Man’s shoulder and very, very, quietly laugh. And even that would earn them a burned hole on the back of their head. 

Right locked the door behind him as he left. Reginald inside, in bed. Right looked over and Herny, who was leaning against the wall, nervously playing with his the hem of his jacket sleeve. 

“Somethin’ wrong?” 

“Do you guys actually want me?”

“Wha- course we do.”

Henry made a “Huh.” noise, and turned back to his sleeves.

“Not used to it?” Right asked, and Henry nodded. “Ah, I wasn’t either till I joined the clan. Weird feeling, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, weird, but nice.” He signed with a smile.

The two leaned against the wall for a second, enjoying the silence. Until Right sighed and said, “I’m not returning you to your parents.”

“Does that mean I get to stay?”

“Yep.”

Henry awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck, “So, are you and Reginald be my new parents? Or-”

“Yep.”

Henry smiled.

“That means training is getting twice as hard. Since you’re joining the clan when you reach the age, and I’m tired of having weak members.”

Henry stopped smiling and groaned.

“Oi, No complaining! ”

“But you get to complain all the time!”

“What? No, I don’t!”  

“You were compiling about recruits right before we started training!”

Right stared at him for a moment, then just muttered “shut up.”

  ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Reg, wake up! you fucked up big time.”

Reginald groaned and opened his eyes. “Righty?”

Right gave him the glass of water he was holding, and Reginald swallowed it down. Gasping for air once he was done. His head hurt and he just wanted to go back to bed, but he knew his Righty wouldn’t have woken him up unless he had too. 

“What’s the problem?”

“You forgot to set the autopilot properly and we drifted into Government base territory. We are under fucking attack.”

“God fuck, why does this ALWAYS happen right after my days off!” 

“Because you never set the autopilot right.” 

“Shut up.” 

“No. Oh yeah, we also adopted Henry.”

“Did we? Good, it’s about time. Where is he anyway?”

“With the rest of the Clan kids in the safe room, I gave him a gun, so they’re all safe.”

“Did- Did you teach him how to shoot?”

Right started at him blankly. relizing why Henry had looked at him weird when he handed him his gun. 

Reginlad sighed, “Damn it, Righty.”

Chapter Text

Henry had gained a bit of a reputation on the airship in the two years he’s been, not one of being “The best thief ever” like he’d hoped to earn, but one of being “All the Clan kids older brother”. He hadn’t earned this on purpose; it was just that he was the kid oldest in the Airship, and when new kids were adopted and brought to live the ship, he was the one to take them aside, get them ice cream, and quell any fears they had, since kids were more likely to trust another kid then the adults that just came and plucked them up from wherever.

While being an older brother could suck a lot; being expected to “set a good example” was the worst, having to break apart other kids fights when the adults weren’t there had left with a ton of bruises, and all the kids came to him when they messed up and if he couldn’t fix it, he’d end up in trouble too for trying to hide the mess.

But it wasn’t all bad, any time he did something stupid; say, try and do a cool flip on his scooter over the Romanian ruby and almost do it right, but mess up and tear a painting, none of his siblings would say it was him. All of them had said that he couldn’t have done it because he was with them at the time. Sure, this is what got him caught because he couldn’t have been in five different places at once, but he appreciated how ready they were to lie for him

Another thing was none of them questioned him. If he said the airship was powered by ducks, then it was powered by ducks, end of discussion. Despite all the adult’s instances of “propeller wings” and “aerodynamics”. And if he said to follow him to a part of the ship they weren’t really allowed in, well, what were they gonna do? Say no?

Henry had recently discovered something amazing, and he wanted to share it with certain siblings, see how it went, then tell the rest. Said siblings were trailing behind him like ducklings. There were Sven and Earrings. Sven was here because he was like his mom, a stickler for the rules, which would make him a perfect alibi since no one would think he was lying. And Earrings was here because if they got caught, she could blind them and they could get away.

There was also Howie, who was here because he was the best speller of all the kids, which they needed for what they were doing. And Juniper, who went proudly by her nickname “The Witch”, she was here because she was new, and he wanted her to feel included.

Henry stopped at a corner and held out his arm, singling for everyone to stop. None of them got this, however, and proceeded to walk into him and each other. He snorted at the overused joke and got back to business. He poked his head around the corner, sights set on the surveillance room door, and put his hands back to sign.

“Ok, get ready to run to the surveillance room.”

“But why?” Sven asked, “You still haven’t told us why we’re down here!”

“I told you it’s a surprise.” Henry Signed, looking back at his crew. 

As he looked back at them, he realized how short The Witch was compared to the rest of them, it made sense because she was the youngest, but it meant that she’d be slower. They all needed to run into the surveillance room the second Cuppa Joe left to go on break, during the minute before the door closed and locked, and if she got left behind they’d be caught.

“Hey, Witch, I think it’ll be better if I give you a piggyback ride instead of you running, that way you won’t get left behind.”

Witch more than happily obliged, running over to him and getting ready, while Sven and Earring started to scowl. 

“Hey! I want a piggyback ride too!” Earrings said.

“Yeah, me too!” Sven added.

“Guys, I can’t carry three people at the same time.”

“What? Of course, you can! You’re the strongest kid ever!” Sven said.

“Yeah! You could carry, like, a thousand kids!”

“Well-”

“Pleeeease!” The two begged in unison. 

“Ok! Ok! I’ll carry all of you!”

Sven and Earrings high fived while Howie fought a snicker. Henry glared at him, and he just started laughing. He slung his arm around him and talked through his laughter.

“Hey, since you’re saying yes to everything, can I borrow your scooter?”

Henry replied by pushing him away by his face, which just caused Howie to laugh harder.

He began the process of trying to find a way to carry the three younger kids, deciding to carry The Witch on his back, and Earrings and Sven on his hips. He'd managed to carry heavier things before, during training with his strong dad, so he knew he'd be able to handle this.

But then Howie tapped his shoulder and asked, "So where do I get on?"

Henry gave him a confused look and he just laughed and said, "You said you'd carry all of us!"

Henry knew he was just joking, but he did say he'd carry all of them. It would also be really cool if he could not only carry a couple of little kids but someone his age and weight. So he took on that challenge.

And regretted it once he was actually carrying him. Henry's legs shook under the extra weight and he was slower, which was the exact opposite of what he needed. But he was too determined to look cool to ask Howie to get off. 

He hobbled back to the corner and looked around it, hoping that it would be time for Cuppa's break, and like many, many, instances before, Henry got lucky.

"Welp, time for my afternoon yank sesh" Cuppa announced to, he thought, no one. Walking down the hall opposite direction of the kids, a magazine under his arm.

"Whassa 'yank sesh'?" The Witch asked.

"It's when ya yank on your legs to get taller!" Howie answered with complete confidence.

That made sense to Henry, Cuppa was kinda short.

Once Cuppa was far enough away Henry bolted towards the door, the uneven extra weight making him move faster. Mostly towards the floor, but also forward.  Once inside he swung himself around so he wouldn't fall. He slammed himself against the wall next to avoid being seen. Slamming Witch in the process. She opened her mouth to yelp in pain, but was silenced by the three other kids slamming their hands against her mouth.

They heard Cuppa turn around and make a questioning sound, but the door closed before he could do anything about it. Henry all but dropped everyone, falling to the ground in exhaustion once everyone was off him.

"So," Sven asked, "can you tell us why we're here?"

Henry shakily pushed himself off the ground and stumbled over to the computer. He shook the mouse and was greeted with the windows XP lock screen and it’s two accounts: the one the kids got to use, or try and use since all the safety software rendered it almost unusable (Henry wanted to fight the kid who looked up boobs and caused this), and the one the adults got to use, that was locked behind a password. 

“This is why.” Henry signed, typing in the password and unlocking the adult account.

And his siblings went wild.

It had taken Henry almost two weeks to find out the password, two weeks of crawling through the vent, hiding in them, and watching. But Henry had been determined to get on Newgrounds again, and unless the safety software got removed, this would be his only way. He turned back to them and gave a bow, with all the flourish and dramatics he was raised to give when his plans went well.

“WE CAN FINALLY SEE OUR WEBKINZ!” Sven exclaimed to Earrings, both making a beeline for the old computer chair. But Henry and Howie were quicker and sat down before they could.

“Hey-” Sven started.

“You can play with your stuffed animals after me and Henry go on Newgrounds.” Howie interrupted. He turned back to Henry and said “We should go to Stickpage first, I wanna see if there’s anything new with the Pirates versus Ninjas thing.”

Henry nodded and Howie began typing. Sven and Earrings wanted to argue but decided to just sit down on the armrests and wait their turn, knowing their begging wouldn't have any effect on Howie. Witch opted to hang off the back of the chair, ready to slip down in the middle and click on anything she thought looked cool. 

The five of them had gone down the Newgrounds rabbit hole, all forgetting anything else they wanted to do. Eventually ending up in the movie page, watching a video of three anime girls singing in Swedish, much to Sven’s enjoyment.

“Hey Cup,” Geoffrey asked, holding a boxy-ass laptop, “How do I wire money to my Nigerian prince cousin- what the hell are you listening to?”

The group froze as caramelldansen played. Henry had planned for everyone but Geoffrey to come and bust them. Everyone else could see, so Earring’s would just blind them and they’d run and deny ever existing in the area. But they couldn’t blind him. Henry ran through a thousand ideas, trying to think up a new plan.

“Cuppa I-” 

Geoffrey took a step forward and Henry, mindlessly, grabbed the keyboard and chucked it at his legs. Geoffrey lost his balance and fell, conking his massive head on the floor and knocking himself out. 

They stared at him a moment. Henry grabbed the witch and they ran. 

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Chief! Chief!” Geoffrey yelled, running through the cafeteria straight for their table, Cuppa trailing several feet behind him.

Henry looked up from his dinner and broke out into a silent sweat. He knew it was only a matter of time till Geoffrey woke up and told on him, he was screwed-

“Chief, Cuppa Joe Assaulted me!”

“What?” Reginald asked.

“What.” Henry Thought

“I did not!” Cuppa said, finally catching up to Geoffrey. “He knocked himself out in the surveillance room and is blaming it on me!”

“You threw something at me!”

“I was in the bathroom, idiot!”

“Both of you! Shut it” Right yelled.

“Cuppa, did you throw something at Geoffrey?” Reginald asked, using the same voice he used when Henry tried lying.

“What- No!”

“Yes, you did!”

Henry gleefully watched them argue, knowing that he had just got away with something he had no right getting away with. Which, as we all remember, is like heroin for kids.

Chapter Text

"Henry? Henry wakes up." 

Henry groaned and forced open his eyes. Howie stood over him, looking as annoyed as Henry felt. Next to him, stood a fidgety Sven and teary-eyed earrings.

Henry sighed, and fumbled a “What did they do?”

“Downloaded a virus on the computer. It’s pretty bad.”

“It said it was free KinzCash…” Sven mumbled. 

Henry pushed himself out of bed with another sigh. He knew it would be a mistake to tell Sven and Earings the password, but he thought; Hey! They’re smart enough not to do anything stupid, right? They know they don’t have a Nigerian cousin, and that no one would give them a million dollars just for their social security number, so why would they click on anything bad? at least it was the middle of the night, so they didn’t have to worry about fixing this fast or sneaking around.

The four made their way out of the living quarters and down to the surveillance room, where they were greeted with a computer screen filled to the brim with bright, flashing pop-up ads. Henry shielded his eyes as he walked in, not wanting to be blind along with being mute. In his hubris of thinking this was a smart idea, he tripped on one many coffee mugs Cuppa left lying around.

"Shit-" Howie swore, catching Henry by his shirt neck, and yanking him roughly back onto his feet, "Henry stop messing around."

Henry punched his arm in response and sat with him on the old chair. 

"So, how do we fix this?"

"Turning it off and on again?"

"Smart." 

Howie pushed the button on the console, letting it snap to black before pressing it again. The blue startup screen flashed before them, looking like nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Howie cautiously logged back in, where the same eye-strain was waiting for them.

“Nevermind,” Howie said “that was a stupid idea”

“Can’t we just turn them all off?” Earings sniffled.

That might work, they did all have exit buttons. Howie started to carefully close all the pop-ups. Free iPhone 3g’s and threats of the computer exploding came and went, and it looked like they finally found the fix. But then Howie clicked just a bit off the exit button and a window with a woman pop upped and-

Oh.

Oh, that lady was naked.

Henry scrambled to cover the younger two’s eyes, trying to make sure they heard and saw as little as possible. Howie was swearing desperately as he tried to shut down the incredibly loud porn, for only more to pop up in its place, louder and more explicit. 

“WHO THE FUCK IS JACKING OFF!” Cuppa Joe yelled as he burst into the computer room.

Everyone froze. Moans and bad music played in the background as Cuppa Joe took in the scene.

“...And you should have seen the smut they were looking at!” Cuppa Joe yelled at the half-awake adults, gesturing wildly at the four.

Henry didn’t know how to get out of this one, and by the way Howie was nervously looking around, he couldn’t think of a way ither.

“They’re probably the ones who assaulted Geoffrey too! Is this the future we want for the clan? Kids who-”

Cuppa shut up when Reginald raised his hand. Reginald took the moment of silence to tighten one of the curlers in his hair. 

“Henry,” He said once his hair was in order, “were you purposely looking up that… stuff?”

“No.”

“Then what happened?”

“One of us downloaded a virus onto the computer. we were trying to fix it, but that happened.”

“Are you going to tell me which one of you downloaded it?”


“No.”

“Why’s that?”

“Because toppats don’t sell out toppats.”

“Thatta boy,” Righty mumbled, still trying to wake up.

“Ok,” Reginald said, “I feel like three weeks without the computer, and apologies to Cuppa, and Geoffry if you did throw that keyboard at him, is an appropriate, yes?” 

He looked to Carol and Mr. Macbeth for their approval, which was given through a nod. Cuppa, however, did not approve.

"Cheif, that's letting them off way to easy! God only knows the kinda virus they downloaded, what if we need a whole new computer?"

"Then we'll buy a new computer?"

"Wow, reckless with money and discipline? Falling right in line with your predecessor, eh?"

This snapped Righty out of his drowsiness, prompting an anger filled, "Oi! The hell you think you're talking about?"

"Here I was, thinking we finally had a good chief-”

“Enough. Cuppa.” Reginald said, annoyed.

“Whatever Terrence-”

“Enough!”

Carol saw the impending fight, and shooed the kids off to bed. The next day they were all escorted to appolgize Geoffry for almost shattering his kneecaps with that keyboard. But they never had to appolgize to Cuppa. Apparently, he was moved offf the airship division due to “conflicts with the higher ups” at least that’s what Carol told them.