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"Yuuri, hurry! If we don't get there soon, we won't be able to get in without them seeing!" Viktor pulled his husband out the door by the arm so quickly, he barely had time to grab the car keys before they left.
"Viktor, slow down!" Yuuri cried as Viktor sped down the road, "I'm sure it'll be fine! And really, this isn't our buisness anyway! There's no need to rush!"
Viktor gasped as if Yuuri had mortally offended him, "Not our buisness? Yuuri, this is our son we're talking about! As his parents, we need to make sure he's safe on his first ever date! If we don't, who knows what will happen! They might do something scandalous like kiss, or hold hands!"
"Vitya..."Yuuri sighed, facepalming.
"This is important, Yuuri!"
The Japanese skater chuckled, then sighed while shaking his head, "Okay, okay. Just keep your eyes on the road, alright? We can't protect Yurio if we get in a car crash and hurt ourselves."
~~~~~~~~~~
Through means unknown to Yuuri, Viktor managed to track down the location of the coffe shop where Yurio and his date, Otabek Altin, would be going. Fortunately for the couple, when they arrived, the shop was completely devoid of both short, angry, Russian skaters, and tall, not angry, Kazakhstani ones.
Yuuri looked over at Victor who once again peeked over his menu to glance around the shop. He didn't think the platinum-haired man could possibly look any more conspicuous if he tried. With his fedora pulled over his eyes, heavily tinted glasses, tan trench coat, and hunched posture, Yuuri wasn't sure why no one had come to investigate yet.
"Excuse me."
Speak of the devil.
"Can I help you two?" a prety, brown haired barista asked politely.
Before Yuuri could say anything, Viktor put his menu down and grinned at her, "Oh no, we're fine! We're just spying on our son! He's going on his first date, you know."
The barista loked shocked, perhaps taken aback by his balant honesty, and Yuuri felt his face flame.
"J-just two carmel mochas is fine, thank you." he said, picking the first thing he saw on the menu.
Seeming to snap out of he surprise, the barista smiled and jotted down the odrer, "Of course. I'll get those for you right now," she said with a smile just as Viktor gasped.
"Yuuri, they're here! No! Don't look!! We have to be discreet! Incognito!" he whispered loudly.
Despite his husband's protests, Yuuri smiled and turned around to see Yurio and Otabek walking into the shop. The first thing he noticed was that Yurio was smiling. It wasn't as big or bright as he had seen it before, but it was a smile all the same! Yurio never smiled!
"Hmmm, yes," he heard Viktor mutter behind him, "This is going well so far. He's a bit of a biker type, but we'll see."
Yuuri turned around to face Viktor then laughed at what he saw, "Vitya, is that a scoresheet?" he asked.
"Of course," replied Viktor as if it were a perfectly normal thing, "How else can I see if Otabek is right for our Yura?"
"And what," Yuuri asked, "are you scoring him on?"
Viktor looked down at his chart, "Hmm, well, general things like kindness, courtesy, and chivalry, but also more specific things like holding doors (which he got full marks for), and how much he insists on paying."
Yuuri sighed, "Oh, Viktor..."
"Oh! And, as extra credit, he gets a point for every time he makes Yurio smile. Two, if he laughs." he looks expectantly at Yuuri, "What do you think? It's out of 100 points. If he gets 80% or higher, I'll accept him without question, 50-80% and I maygive him a chance, and anything under 50% means death."
Suddenly mildly afraid for Otabek's safety, Yuuri asked, "And...how many points does he have now?"
Consulting the score, Viktor replied, "Thus far, he's gotten full marks for chivalry, courtesy, and kindness, and he held the door open, so that alone is 100%, but he didn't pull out or push in Yurio's chair, so that brings him down to 85, butI've seen Yuri smile three times since we've been here, plus a chuckle, which brings it to about 88.5 points."
Relieved, Yuuri nodded, "That's good, then?"
"Extremely," replied Victor, "I'd say, if Otabek keeps this up, he'll be a keeper for sure."
They fell into silence after that. The barista brought their mochas and both skaters sipped them thoughfully as they watched Otabek and Yurio from the other side of the room. Every now and then, Viktor would mutter something and make a note on his scoresheet. After about an hour and a half, however, the couple moved to the cash register to pay and leave.
From their convenient vantage point, Viktor and Yuuri could both hear the resulting argument.
"Here, I got it." Otabek said, grabbing his wallet.
"Like hell, you do." Yurio replied, scowling, "I asked you do do this in the first place. I should pay."
Viktor made an appreciative noise as the pair squabble for a minute or so over who would pay before deciding to split the price. He nodded and circled what Yuuri assumed was his official score with finality, "95 out of 100. Not bad." he said, "Good for him. I don't have to murder tonight."
"Viktor!" Yuuri cried, aghast.
The Russian skater's laughter was cut short by a feirce, "What are you two doing here?!"
Yurio stomped over, Otabek following behind with a barely concealed smirk, and slammed his hands on the table, "I swear to all the gods, if you two were spying on us-"
"Of course, Yurio." Viktor grinned, "We have to keep an eye on our little ice tiger, don't we?"
"I'm on a date, you idiots!" Yurio yelled, "Can't you two stop being meddling twits for once in your life?"
Before things could get out of hand, Yuuri stood, pulling Viktor up with him, "C'mon, Vitya. You know he's right. Let's go."
Viktor sighed and whined a bit, but conceded and followed fairly soon after. Before leaving, however, he handed Otabek the paper.
"Is this...a scoresheet?" Otabek asked in obvious confusion.
"Sure is!" Viktor beamed, "Have a lovely time, you two."
Yurio scowled after them, then turned to Otabek, "What's that for?"
Me, I guess..." Otabek replied, "I think he was scoring me?"
"Son of a-" Yurio pinched the bridge of his nose with a growl, "I swear I'm going to murder them when I get back." Then he smirked and looked back up, "I'm curious though. How'd you do?"
Otabek held the paper out for him to see, "95/100. Not bad, I suppose." He pulled it back and read the note Viktor had left, "Congratulations, Otabek! You can keep him for now." he read, "Then he drew a little winky face."
"That...was not as bad as I expected." Yurio said, appreciatively.
"Wait, there's a P.S." said Otabek, "If you hurt him, I will remove your left pinky toe." he looked at Yurio, "Why the left pinky toe specifically?"
Yurio only groaned and shook his head, "I have no freaking clue."