Chapter Text
Chapter1 :It’s been a while...
The bustling street was obnoxiously loud, and far too crowded for comfort. Two of Yoriko’s least favorite things . There were so many people and yet so few were actually wanted around her .
How sad is it that I actually feel lonely in a place this full ? She thought to herself ,suddenly struggling not to shout at the prick who just stepped on her foot while passing by .
Ok , OW ... you’re lucky I’m nice ... jerk . The threat rattled around her head as though if she thought it hard enough he’d sense her anger and apologize . ... Not so surprisingly that didn’t happen .
Why is the zoo so busy all of a sudden anyway? It feels like everyone got a “ screw up Yoriko’s plans “ reminder today .
Because of Yoriko’s lack of attentiveness the turnstile gate at the zoo’s entrance hit her on the hip. She really needed a chance to sit down so maybe she could catch a break . Pushing at it it forced out an awful metallic groaning. More like the croak of a dying bird than a sound any self respecting gate should make . But she gave the pipe a shove with more of her body weight and it finally gave way. She could barely catch her balance but luckily she kept “ falling on the pavement “ off her list of grievances today.
Damn this place could use some fixing up . I didn’t think it would look quite as nice as when me and touka were kids but jeez, even with nostalgia glasses It’s really just falling apart at the seams.
It used to be so shiny and well polished , the signs felt freshly painted and everything smelt like caramel and popcorn . Only now all the metal was rusted, all the signs were chipped, and the smell of sunscreen wafted through the air . Not exactly the nostalgic experience she had hoped for. It only served to remind her that nice things change for the worst when they’re abandoned .
Abandoned ...
For some reason that word resonated with her much stronger than it should have . A forgotten longing that her body could still feel.
Reluctantly Yoriko pulled out her phone . She knew she’d be disappointed to see a screen devoid of notifications from her friend, but she had to check again regardless .
And just like all her other glances there was nothing there . It was really out of character for Touka to ghost her like this . The two would text all the time when they weren’t talking in person . Sure on occasion she would black out for a day or two, but there was usually some sort of sickness or phone trouble to explain away her absence .
However, it had been a week and a half since yoriko had heard a word from her best friend . Typically optimism would be flowing through her veins and and making her heart beat with smiles,but admittedly doubt was starting to creep in .
Touka being late was borderline expected. Not responding to her texts wasn’t that odd . Not answering her other calls was a bit strange . But not answering an accumulated hundred calls without so much as a text back ? There’s no way she wasn’t in trouble somehow . She called again only to hear the infuriating three beep tone instead of touka’s soothing but agitated voice. Sighing softly she returned it to her pocket when she heard her name being called .
“ Touka?! You picked up?!” Yoriko squeaked in surprise frantically scrambling to get her phone out of her pocket . When she finally got it she nearly dropped it in her stressed out stupor . But oddly enough her phone hadn’t been ringing .
The hell ? Did I just miss her or-
The voice spoke up again , not from her phone but over her shoulder.
Touka Stood with her hands crossed , breaking the formation to tap her brunette friend on the shoulder
“Hey Yoriko! Sorry I’m late I got held up - whoah! “she jumped, being cut off by Yoriko’s sudden movements.
Swiveling in an instant Yoriko’s whole body shook and her breath hitched. She was quick to take touka into her embrace . Those soft hands wrapped around and gripped the back of toukas shirt tightly without fully realizing what she was doing. Touka’s warmth spread all the way to her fingertips, a sense of calm washing away her panic. But part of her body knew better than to trust it. Suddenly Yoriko became acutely aware that her dry palms were shaking and her finger nails were leaving indents where they pressed into Touka’s now wrinkled shirt .
“Oh my god Touka, I was so worried about you! “ she breathed out exasperated . With a swell of emotion she hardly new she was holding in she spoke up again, “Where the hell were you?! You were gone for so long did ... did something happen to you d-did you ...”. Thinking of what to ask was difficult, she didn’t even have guesses at what happened so she reserved herself to just shut up and listen. Her cheeks were wet with hot tears.
Touka held up her hands like someone directing traffic because she desperately needed Yoriko to slow down before she over worked herself. “Hey hey , shh it’s okay Yoriko I’m alright I promise “ Touka attempted to sooth her concerned companion. “Just take some deep breaths okay ? Innn and ooouuut “ she repeated copying the movement so that yoriko could replicate it . She felt rushed to de-escalate the situation , having no clue that this scenario had gotten Yoriko so worked up.
“Please just give me a minute to explain okay ? Things were getting really wild at the shop and one of the new waitresses bumped into me ...” she pulled out her smashed up phone and accompanied it with an irritated roll of her eyes .The two halves dangled in front of her to show the extent of the damage .“I’m really sorry this stressed you out so much. I figured it wouldn’t be this big of a deal “.
Touka had no idea that such a minor thing would have her friend so scared for her well being , she always knew Yoriko was a compassionate girl but seeing her quiver like that really put how felt her absence was into perspective .
Yoriko clutched her left hand in her right . It felt wonderful to have her heart beat slow back down , the residual stomach pain hadn’t quite subsided yet though . Weird, I don’t know why that got me so worried. I mean I already knew she would be fine ... why can’t I feel complete relief, something’s holding me back... I hate it .
Touka’s voice made her body react like she had flipped a switch . Somewhere deep down she knew what could have gone wrong , and just how lucky she should feel that Touka actually stood in front of her like that .
“Touka ...” Yoriko started , glad to have caught her voice back , despite some wavering in its tone. “ Please promise me you’ll never scare me like that again “
Touka twitched . Her head turned away and looked down at the ground ,closing herself off, with her body slumped over.
She gave no response.
“ Touka ? Talk to me come on , we don’t keep secrets do we ?”. Her confidence was dwindling the longer she talked , and every second of her agonizing silence made her more frightened than anything she could have said.
“Touka ? Touka come on don’t do this shit !” Agitation boiled over while her throat started to burn . Touka looked up with watery eyes . Her expression told Yoriko she had so much to tell that she just couldn’t . And the secrets frightened her .
“ TOUKA PLEASE !” Yoriko screamed . She took a few steps forward as quickly as she could and jutted out her hand to lock with Touka’s. She was beyond scared. The closer she reached the further she seemed to drift away from her beloved friend .
Touka vanished and the world around Yoriko swirled into the bright light of her ceiling fan . An outstretched hand clenched onto the air where she could have stood . The nightmares taunted her .
Even my head won’t let me be with you ..
A pathetic unfinished whisper escaped her lips .
“Was I just not enough ?”
Her pillow was now held tightly in her arms , her legs wrapped around it too. She didn’t want to cry anymore but it felt like she was being punched in the stomach with every gasp of air. She had to flip the pillow under her head over so she wasn’t laying in the cold wet spot she had cried in her sleep . Out of embarrassment with the neighboring apartment hearing her through the paper thin walls she tried to cover her mouth to muffle her sobbing . It only helped a little with the overwhelming eruption .
Do I have to go into work ? Can’t I just tell them I died or something and curl into a ball all day ? She planned, too tired to realize how little that made sense .
The bullshit alarm clock was loud as ever. She rapidly slapped the snooze button which would in theory give her ten more minutes . But what felt like three seconds later it was back up and screaming again .
A spirit of motivation on her shoulder shoved her into an upright position . Fine ... no way to avoid getting ready I suppose . Reluctantly she rubbed her eyes free of sleep and sorrow . They burned .
A few strokes of a comb fixed her frazzled hair . And she elected to use a hairband in place of washing her hair.
A zombie looked back at her in the mirror.
The new face of a flower shop employee needed to look happy, she needed to have a spring in her step. That would be impossible. But with a little make up under her eyes and some upbeat music playing in her headphones, she could at least make it to a decent amount of pep in her step. She didn’t expect anyone would fault her for being upset, most people wouldn’t be doing just fine if someone who was basically family dropped out of their life for six months either. But Yoriko was by no means a girl who wanted to be pitied .
She put on her game face turned up the tunes, and with a wobbling in her knees that she had to push past she left the apartment and started her short walk to her semi new job.
Technically it was her first day , but the manager, Ms. Hayami, was incredibly kind to her during the interviews and walked Yoriko through what she would be doing there .
When the shop came into view it put some calm into Yoriko’s dizzy mind . The store was just so pleasing to look at she couldn’t help herself . It was relatively small , only a little larger than her apartment was, with a break room, a front area, and a small room on the side where they held all the flowers. That area had the walls taken down so it makes itself and the main area one big room .
Colorful flowers brightened up the windows as well as her day . But beyond them stood ... strangers . Hhhh new people ... gotta make a good first impression . How do people even make friends anymore , the last person I tried that with was touka and ... that didn’t work out so maybe I need to do things differently ?
She continued thinking to herself while she walked . Each step further towards the shop brought her further into her thoughts . The two other employees watched Yoriko just walk into the room without saying a word or looking at anyone .
But what if I say something dumb , or if my makeup isn’t right and they can tell I’ve been crying ... or what if .. She looked up slowly at two people staring at her . Oh god how long have they been looking at me .
Her arms bent and laughed nervously . Shit I need to say something what do I say what do I say?!
“Yoriko !” She said with a wave
Someone please hit me with a bus now .
The short haired brunette snickered and the girl with long black hair beside her punched her in the shoulder .
Her ears and cheeks felt hot “u-uhm I mean , my names Yoriko I’m new here !” They know I’m new here why did I say that?! A thin lipped smile was plastered on her face and she took a deep breath through her nose.
“Daitan!” The short haired girl responded , copying Yoriko’s tone of voice “ I’m old here.”,the girl laughed. She seems , energetic . Yoriko realized when she jumped around and passed an invisible mic over to her taller friend.
The girl with silky black hair seemed much more serious . She eyed down Daitan as if the microphone gag was far too stupid for her to go along with , but with an exasperated sigh she pretended to grab the non present microphone . “My names Aiko, it’s nice to meet you.” She said reaching out to formally shake Yoriko’s hand . “There’s no need to be nervous.“ There’s literally every need to be nervous , I look like a mess and I just stumbled into a room with two emotionally stable attractive older girls, but okay. “This jobs pretty easy ,so it’s not really much to stress over , Daitan and I are gonna show you the ropes today and then we can start switching jobs tomorrow.” She gave a small thumbs up before walking away to grab her phone off the counter and check her phone . A look of surprise on her face said that it was important.
“ Daitan I gotta call Hitomi can you start showing her how to work on the bouquets ?” Aiko asked and hurriedly walked into the break room with the phone buzzing.
Her hand moved to her chin, I wonder what’s up with her. Well I guess to be fair she probably wonders what’s up with me. Daitan clapped her hands from the other side of the room, “Alright Yoko let’s get your body ~moviiin, right over here!”. She sang , maybe trying to parody some song ?
“It’s Yoriko actually.” She mumbled , following her instruction regardless and making her way over to the wall of flowers . Such a satisfying mix of colors , and the smell of roses was always lovely.
“Alright so here , making bouquets is actually a lot easier than you’d think , I was always worried about the color pallete and all that but turns out you don’t have to do any of that!” Wrinkled papers got pulled out of her back pocket. “See here , we’ve got a number system that matches the shelves . So..” she flipped it over showing a diagram with squares in a pattern with numbers in each of the squares . “And then you just follow the diagram , make sense ?”. She tilted her head getting just a little bit too close into Yoriko’s personal space bubble .
“Y-yep ... makes sense to me “ she said in a higher pitch trying to take a large step back as casually as possible .
“Sick ! Here see if you can try and make this rose bouquet, one of our regulars Koemi is coming to pick it up this afternoon. She’s the sweetest you’ll love her,, plus you’re totally her type”. She teased and booped Yoriko on the nose.
This girl needs to understand boundaries real quick. “What is that supposed to mean ?” She asked , and got no response , because Daitan had already skipped her way back to the break room.
She shook her head. So weird, but at least they’re friendly . Could be worse. Yoriko stretched her arms and popped her knuckles and set out to get to work . Taking a glance at the inventory she spotted her favorite flower the bell flower.
They look so beautiful. The purple and blue petals made the most adorable bell shapes . She felt like she could almost imagine the cute jingle they would make if she shook them . It sent a jolt of giddy through her body thinking about the little jing a ling’s they would make. Underneath the plaque read some fun facts about the more special meanings behind the flowers .
‘The bellflower is named after its distinct small bell shape , and even the name campanula translates to little bell .’ Well duh , that much I knew already .’The flowers represent gratitude , humility , attractiveness , and everlasting love . ‘
Everlasting love ? The phrase knocked loose a memory of herself tucking one behind touka’s ear because of how well it matched the shade of her hair. Her eyes narrowed . Oh my god did touka know that’s what that meant ? She didn’t think ... that I had a thing for her did she? Maybe that’s why she left . She paused for a moment before thinking rationally again. No that’s not right touka was so happy after that . If she knew that would that girl everyone thought was so grumpy wear those flowers proudly all day long.
The image of her laughing friend came back so vividly , despite how long it had been since she saw it. Touka’s smile was so warm. That side of Touka was a secret to most people, but not to her. To Yoriko she was one of the happiest people around , but only when the people in her life allowed her to . Her family had problems , and being the new girl at school caused her a lot of stress as well . But when they were alone they could laugh , they could sing , they could just be themselves. The real authentic Touka was breathtaking.
At this point she realized she had zoned out for a little too long . Not wanting to fall behind she set to work putting the bouquet together . And despite a few issues finding certain flowers , the end result was a genuinely desirable flower arrangement.
Walking into the break room with it she set it down on the break room desk , hands on her hips and smirking with an air of self-contentedness.
“How’s it look girls ?” Yoriko asked eager for some hopefully positive feedback . The two of them actually looked impressed . Especially for her first bouquet.
Daitan just ooo’d and ahhh’d over the well put together peice. And Aiko complimented a lot of the details of the arrangement , especially noting how delicately she put it together . I do have very gentle hands. Aiko honestly seemed a lot more amiable than her serious persona have off earlier.
“Seriously, great work yoko”
“ uh ... no it’s Yori-“
“ yeah yeah I’m just messing with ya “ Daitan teased while leaving the break room . Yoriko and Aiko talked for a while until they were interrupted.
“Yo-ri-koooo~” Daitan sang out far too loudly “ you got a customer coming that can’t wait to meet’cha!”
Jeez , inside voice seems like something she needs to learn as well . Is this how touka felt when she met me? Nah, I wasn’t this overly hyper. “Coming!” She called back in a demonstration of proper volume.
Talking to new people typically stressed Yoriko out but given the new people she’s already met today she was getting somewhat used to it. She felt at ease until she walked into the main room and saw Koemi for the first time .
The sunlight glowing through the windows really painted her in the perfect light. A golden shine complimented the white polka dot dress she wore . It glinted over the glasses her bright sapphire eyes shone behind. Her hair was wavy and caramel brown , the way it swayed when she turned was like the slow motion shots of the new girls in those dumb rom coms.
She’s... really freakin pretty, wow. I wonder if she’s my age ? She at least appeared to be. Well wait why would that matter ! She cursed herself at her strange line of thought. She appeared to still be in the middle of a phone conversation with someone. Her boyfriend maybe ? The way she laughed at whatever they said brought on this fluttery feeling . I haven’t had a conversation like that in, far too long...Uhg what’s wrong with me , being jealous of a stranger on the phone .
“Alright alright mom I gotta let you go , I’ll see you soon ... mhm ... yeah I love you too mom .” Koemi ended the call by kissing her phone screen which was adorable in its own right . Guess it’s not a boyfriend then , but I’m sure she probably has one.
“ Sorry about that , hard to get her to stop once she’s stuck on something ... oh you’re new!”, Koemi exclaimed . “Always nice to see a new face. Especially when it’s such a cute one.” A cute one !? If anything she’s leagues cuter than I am.
“ Yeah I just started this morning. My names Yoriko , and you must be koemi right ?” Holding up the bouquet for her to take suddenly put into perspective how intimate an exchange it was . She’d have to get more used to that .
“Yoriko , what a nice name . You look really unfamiliar. I know I don’t know everyone but I get around town pretty often . I do a lot of floral arrangements and whatnot and I meet a lot of people that way . So I take it you’re not from around here ?” Koemi asked in a round about fashion
Wow she’s perceptive . “Yeah actually, I just got an appartment here a couple of weeks ago . Back home has a lot of memories I’d rather distance myself from so , figured I might as well get a fresh start.” She rubbed the back of her neck as she spoke . Not certain why she felt so focused on saying the right things .
“ Well I’d be happy to give you a tour of all the local hot spots. If you’ve got the time.” Her watch started beeping quickly “ shit , speaking of time , I’m very much out of it , I’ll be back again tomorrow and we can chat more!” She proposed, paying for the flowers quickly and walking out the door . “Be seein ya flower girl !” She waves at Yoriko playfully.
Despite Koemi being gone she still perceived herself in the spot light . Daitan and Aiko came out from the back .
“ Congrats !” They shouted in unison “ Happy first sale , you did great yoriko “. Aiko spoke up,” You gotta come out to dinner with us , it’s just a little welcoming tradition we do for every new employee .”
“But aren’t there only two of you?” Yoriko cocked her head to the side curiously .
“ Well damn yoriko I didn’t say it was a long tradition “ Aiko laughed off .
A clear food fanatic and aspiring chef herself yoriko was more than happy to accept the offer . Plus there was never anything wrong with getting closer with her co workers . The rest of her shift flew by , no real customers came in just some typical tending to the flowers passed the time until the dinner .
Regardless of Daitans Insistence that she should drive aiko took the wheel . Apparently daitan likes speeding a little too much . Which she denied but Aiko was too stern and responsible to let that slide .
Yoriko did her best to spur up conversation on the way there . But their arguing about directions took over more time than she would have expected .
Upon arrival the atmosphere of the restaurant was really nice . It was the kind of place that made her feel self conscious about the size of her wallet . But putting that aside , it all seemed very romantic . Even as they walked by there were plenty couples enjoying each other’s company .yoriko stared for maybe too long at some of them . Why don’t I have that ? The walls were made of a dark red stained wood . With hanging lights over each table bringing in a sense of warmth into the place .
A seat towards the back looked much more appealing for Aiko, and yoriko was more than willing to accommodate that. “So how often does that Koemi girl come in ? She said she’d see me soon , but how many flowers does one girl need?”
The pair laughed and daitan felt fit to answer . “ Koemi’s been a regular of ours for a while now . She just loves flowers , and that’s really all there is to it “
“Plus she has a garden at her appartment so she has a lot of places to fill with flowers “ Aiko added on.
“She gets flowers for decorations and for art projects “
“And for mother’s and Father’s Day gifts “
“Not to mention those beautiful displays she would get custom made for her girlfriend “ Daitan recalled.
The word girlfriend stood out in her mind like a sore thumb . But why should she care , she hardly knows this girl let alone does she have any need to make any assumptions based on her .
“Oh she has a girlfriend? “ she asked with a bit of surprise , disappointment , and curiosity in her tone. “How long have they been together ?”
“ Had “ Aiko corrected “They had a pretty nasty break up after Koemi found out she wasn’t the only person her partner was being intimate with ... gotta feel awful for her “ she continued “But luckily time heals, and she’s not too torn up over high school sweethearts anymore don’t worry , I doubt it’s even crossed her mind in a while “ .
“ ooo~ speaking of high school sweethearts “ daitan started up energetically “ d’you leave behind any broken hearts when you moved here yoriko?”
“Daitan come on ! Don’t be rude“
“No no it’s alright ...” she started “ but no uhm ... it’s more like the other way around honestly .” While she spoke her comfort seemed to be readily decreasing
“ I had a friend ..” had ... why “had ? I still have her it’s not like she’s gone for good , I’ll find her some day won’t I ? “ and her name was ... touka “ . It felt like a betrayal to be giving up on her like this , but just once she wanted to feel like she was listening to reason .
“She was the first ... and possibly the only real friend I’ve ever had,” she’ll probably end up being the last “ we meant the world to each other ,” but what if that was only one sided . She wouldn’t use me . But , she already did didn’t she
“ And I guess she decided that I wasn’t good enough for her , and , and I guess I didn’t even deserve the courtesy of a goodbye .” Distances between breaths got shorter heartbeat became faster .” Touka just ran . She was gone and she didn’t answer me for months . She still hasn’t ! “ . A tremble built up on its way to her throat threatening to burst into flat out sobbing . “ my best friend left me behind and I’ll never know why. “. The stinging in her hand was the first thing she noticed , the second being the reason her eyes were burning, and her cheeks were wet . The spilled water and shocked expressiknsfilled In the rest . She quickly stabilized the now wobbly table. Fuck I didn’t even notice I hit it.
Daitan was quick to extend a hand and put it on her shoulder . She was just teasing earlier , expecting maybe an embarrassing story but not something like this . “ hey hey ... it’s alright . Sorry for bringing that up , I just didn’t think things would get so ...” she paused for a moment trying to find the most fitting word “ heavy “ she settled on .
Yoriko took a few deep breaths catching herself before she could hope to respond casually . “ it’s okay honest. I didn’t expect to get so emotional either , I guess I’ve just never said it out loud to someone before and it just hit me a lot harder .” Like a fucking train.
Aiko, who had stayed silent until this point spoke up with a gentle air of helpfulness .” It’s not good to keep things bottled up like that , especially if it’s something that’s clearly taking a toll on you. “ she reached into her purse and pulled out a card with a number on it . Turning it over Yoriko saw the name of the doctor and felt almost offended .
“You think I need therapy ?” She pouted and crossed her arms , irritated at the suggestion. “But I’m not ...I don’t have any problems there’s nothing wrong with me “ she shot back at her .
With a lack of response that said this hadn’t been the first time she had heard those misunderstandings , aiko raised a hand to calm her .” Listen therapy isn’t inherently bad . It’s something as simple as talking to someone about things that bother you . The same as your doing with us right now “ she elaborated . Putting her hand on top of Yoriko’s , that was still shaking a little. She continued “ but daitan and I aren’t professionals . We can listen and we can understand but we can’t help you work through it the right way.”
Guilt pulled at her heartstrings at this point . She really hoped she hadn’t hurt Aiko with her outburst . “ ... I-I see , I’m really sorry “ she relented “ I guess I just didn’t know it was such a normal thing. Touka had really been my outlet and without her there ... “ she trailed off , her mouth not wanting to continue the thoughts her brain held
“Is she nice ?”the wavering in her nervous voice really touched Aiko
“The nicest ! There’s never a moment where I don’t feel comfortable with her I promise . She’d be great for you.”
With a tentative hand Yoriko slipped the card into her wallet. “If you don’t mind my asking uhm ... why did you have to go see her in the first place?”
Aiko hesitated for a long moment , looking more tired just thinking about a response. Normally Aiko was so unphased it was clear to see that this wasn’t something light on her mind . Daitan knowingly rubbed her shoulder in a non verbal sign of support and strength .
“ When I was in high school ... I had a stalker . He was much older than me , probably in his thirties and I was only seventeen .” Yoriko felt a queasiness churning in her stomach . Just thinking about this story made her feel so worried for her .
“He was always walking around in the parking lot when I would leave for the day . He never stopped staring at me . Sometimes when I walked to school I could s-see him peeking around the corners .” She shivered a little and Daitan took over the story .
“And that’s when she realized it wasn’t just her imagining things, and something dangerous was going on. She didn’t want to tell her parents because she was sure they would take her out of school and it would be so embarrassing. So instead she told me .” She smiled . Still seeming proud that she was the one chosen to confide this information in .
“So we both stayed together and tried to stick in larger groups and little by little we started seeing less and less of him. We assumed he gave up but ....” Daitans eyes darted over to Aiko , not wanting to tell more of her story than she had permission to . It wasn’t her place to decide how much of it was common knowledge especially with the darker subject matter .
After a rather long sip of her drink that only served to by her some more time . She lowered her voice to a notch above a whisper. “But one night I walked down into the kitchen to get some water. It was about 2 or 3 am , really late so I was really groggy . And then I saw him outside my house.“
Yorikos heart was pounding . She knew Aiko had to made it out alive for her to be here, but just thinking about this scenario was horrifying.
“He was standing in the driveway just staring in through the window . And when i made eye contact with him he smiled and ran behind the trees where I couldn’t see him.” Reliving the story was taking its toll, Aiko kept looking around the room like he could be in here watching her right now .
“I called for my dad and he came down to see me crying. My dad was always a happy man so I’d never really seen him mad before, but he looked furious. I didn’t want to be alone at all so I followed him to his room and he took his gun out of the safe in the closet. I really had no idea what was in that safe but I at least felt a little safer that my dad was armed. I pulled out my phone and called the police, but at that point he decided to reveal himself again.“ Her phone vibrating from a text made Yoriko jump . It wasn’t anything important but she was so tense and the feeling of something touching her almost made her scream .
“But anyway ... he started running towards the house and my dad aimed the gun and pulled the trigger. ... it just bounced off of him. Over the phone I screamed that it was a ghoul before he cracked the phone on the ground with his ... kagune I think they called it that. And after his kagune broke through it pulled the rest of his body in , like some freakish human spider .“ she started tearing up , not wanting to get into the specifics of the more graphic parts
“My dad isn’t ... here anymore . And the ccg came to kill that monster but not before -“ she pulled up her sleeve to show a deep and dark scar on her fore arm . The jagged outline of teeth marks couldn’t be misconstrued , and even though the skin had healed over it looked rough and purple . More like a scab that was trying it’s best to be presentable than a layer of skin .
“ I’m ... I’m so sorry ..” Yoriko stumbled into an apology . She was never good with emotional problems . She always worried so much about toukas relationship with her brother but she never knew what to say when her family was brought up . Yorikos love language of consisted of gifts and company and distractions from the problems , she didn’t know how to talk people through them .
“ B-but at least he’s gone now right? ... I’m sure there’s at least some comfort to know that this is all done with.“ This poor girl ... I can’t believe creatures as vile as ghouls really exist out there , pretending to be normal humans ... or friends.
“ But it’s not done with.“ she scoffed, “It’s never done with , we live in a world where my experience is the norm not an exception. Every day I have to live knowing that at any point in time someone in the room I’m in could eat me alive , and I would be helpless to stop them. I don’t have any control over my life Yoriko , and neither do you. We live only because those freaks allow it!”
This time Yoriko really was speechless . She kept running through her mind trying to find anyway to respond . But she was horrified . She didn’t have any way to deny what she was saying . Those freaks of the world killed for fun , they could kill her before she made something of herself .
I’m on a timer ... but I’m not the one who gets to see the numbers tick down . What use do dreams have when you don’t know when you’ll wake up?
They stopped being at a dinner together . All three were alone in their isolated newly darkened perceptions of the world . No one spoke because no one could find a word worth saying . There was no denying it . This was a ghouls world , and humans were just the ants they stepped on.
The check was paid , they walked to the car, and took the 15 minute drive back to Yoriko’s apartment . It all happened subconsciously. Yoriko was on autopilot floating through a void until Aiko snapped her out of it.
“ I’m sorry I freaked you out “ Aiko said unprovoked to do so. Yoriko struggled to respond. “What? “. I know what she said why do I always say what when I can hear just fine . “Oh ... oh it’s okay“ she said legitimately once she heard Aiko start to repeat herself .
“ It’s not though. I have to have talks with my therapist every week just to come to terms with this some of the time , and even that doesn’t help with the nightmares . “ she turned on her blinker , quieting down as she took the turn . A much safer driver than Daitan would have been . “But I have my trauma and it really seems like you have yours. I won’t force you to do anything but I really can’t recommend enough that you call her ... make an appointment , just give one visit a try.”
Yoriko meekly nodded her head as her apartment came into view . Waving a goodbye as she left the car Aiko called out one last word of advice .
“You don’t deserve to be controlled by other people’s actions Yoriko , remember that ... and be safe.“
And with that she drove out of the driveway . Without the headlights of the car everything seemed so dark . She was quick to pull out her phones flashlight , vaguely illuminating the veil of nothingness around her as her eyes adjusted .
Shadows danced and rearranged whilst she ran up the stairs to her front door step. The shadow of a tree looked like a man . The sound of a bird was the sound of a scream . Fuck fuck fuck ! Please don’t hurt me please , I don’t want to die I don’t I don’t . The frantic jingling of her keychain mixed with the scratches on her lock , struggling to articulate her movements and unlock the door . Every second away from that safety could be her last .
The distance between her breaths shrank ten fold . Her head felt light and her body felt tense . Wrong key ! Shit , no not this one either . Please be this one please.
Footsteps ...
They echoed on the empty concrete and took up all the sound in the hall
CLUNK
The key twisted and Yoriko nearly fell through the door , all her body weight having been pressed on it . She yanked out the key and slammed it shut locking it back and pressing her back against the frame .
The footsteps didn’t stop
Faster . Louder . Closer .
Yorikos heart pounded in her throat
The pulsing in her body bringing her to the verge of a migraine . She turned around and clenching her fists so hard her fingernails broke skin she forced herself to look through the peephole .
Through the foggy glass distorting her vision she saw ... her neighbor out walking her dog .
God I’m so paranoid . Thanks a fucking lot Aiko . It felt nice to breathe normally again . And collapsing on her mattress was such a luxury . She curled up like a cat on the edge of her bed , unable to pull any sort of energy from the depths of her exhausted and frightened self.
I can’t go to sleep like this though ... I already know I’ll have nightmares like crazy . Yoriko took deep breaths and just stared at the ceiling for a while . The warm yellow light of her lamp brought a glow that spelled out safety , no matter how true that statement was.
There was an extensive glance out the window as she pondered who or what could be there . The thought of seeing glowing red eyes shook her to her core, so she had to lay back down for her own mental health.
She figured the easiest way to fix fear was a happy distraction . So she pulled out her phone and watched some YouTube videos with cats and comedy sketches and laté art time lapses . All the things that would make her feel relaxed .
Ding ding
Her camera roll notified her there was a new ‘ memory ‘ . A setting on her phone that would show old photos or videos after it’s been a year . Normally she wouldn’t care too much but she was bored scared and curious and didn’t see the harm . Adjusting her position on the sheets so she at least had some blanket to cover her feet she groaned .
Why they never fix the heating unit in this over priced place is beyond me .
Clicking the icon opened up the app and loaded up a photo of -
Touka ?
It had been so long since she’d seen Touka outside of her minds eye . She looked softer than she remembered . Her smile brighter than she ever could’ve recalled . She looks so ... blissful . I miss seeing that side of her . Well , I guess I miss seeing all sides of her.
As she scrolled through the album a warmth spread through her chest . Comfort was back within reach . There was an abnormal sense of jealousy of ... herself for some reason . Part of her wished Touka would just put her arm around her again . That she could hear toukas day-enhancing laughter. That kind where she just couldn’t stop giggling and she had to hold onto Yoriko for balance. She’d do anything for one of those right about now . Was this always how she made me feel ... or is this just stronger because she’s been gone for so long ? she pondered without reaching a conclusion .
She was just about to Call it a night and go to sleep but something bagged at her . Wait ... do i still have ... Yes, I do! Elation overwhelmed her when she saw the voicemail hadn’t been deleted from her inbox . She turned up the volume and hit play and instantly remembered when it was from .
When Yoriko met touka she didn’t have any friends . Touka was the new girl at this school , and everyone else had known each other since around kindergarten . So she was largely on her own . But after about a month or so of them being friends touka still didn’t fully understand what was considered traditional . So she called me late one night and left me this voicemail
“Hey Yoriko ...” the touka on the voicemail started . An unsteadiness in her tone that said wow I’m incredibly embarrassed , or maybe , I’ve already read this aloud many times and it still doesn’t sound right .“I just needed to tell you uhm... I know we haven’t known each other very long ,but I really appreciate everything you’re doing for me . I’m just some stranger to you and you’ve been nothing but nice and sweet and I’ve ... never really had that before . I don’t know if this is how I’m supposed to act around friends or if I’m being weird but , either way I know somehow you won’t mind.”
She knew even now that was true . After all this time if touka knocked on her door she knew she’d just hug her as tightly as her arms would allow .
“You’re just a really special person Yoriko . And I’m proud to call you my friend . It’s just really important to me that someone in my life knows what they mean to me .”
And with that it ended . Despite knowing full well it was an old recording and not a call Yoriko couldn’t keep herself from responding out loud
“ I know you often think badly of yourself touka , you beat yourself up for a lot of things that aren’t your fault . And with the way your dad and Ayato left you you’ve got a lot of guilt on your shoulders . But whatever you’re feeling that’s keeping you away from me , I need you to know that’s not your fault ... it’s okay to just come back to me . I’m a little mad sure but genuinely ...” she looked out the window into the dark street below her , part of her heart hoped touka was near by and listening “ I just want you back in my life again . I’ll be content with that .” She paused and then continued with an anger in her voice “The ghouls did this ... those human eating freaks of nature ruined what we had .... I want those fuckers to suffer for what they did to us . And maybe one day If the ccg does they’re job right ... we’ll meet again in a perfect world.”
After that she laid down in her bed . The time on her phone signified it was ‘way too fucking late ‘ o clock and she would be dead tired if she didn’t sleep soon . It wasn’t very hard to drift off . And for the first time in a long time , her dreams didn’t turn to nightmares .
Just as predicted , when that alarm went off Yoriko felt utterly drained . Although waking up without crying was a really welcomed surprise . She got dressed for work and glanced down at the card aiko had given her the night before .
If a simple talk like last night helped so much ... I really ought to give a professional a try . Calling people to set up appointments always gave her a little anxiety but she figured it would be better to just bite the bullet . Pulling out her phone she typed in the number and took a deep breath .
“My name’s Yoriko Kosaka ... I was wondering if you could help me ?”
Things at work were a lot better . Despite her initial concerns talking would be awkward between Aiko Daitan and herself, they almost seemed friendlier than normal .
Discussions about trauma must really help people relate huh ?
Feeling the need Yoriko took aiko aside .
” Hey so ... I took your advice , I made an appointment for after my shift ends . And I really think this’ll help me , so I just wanted to thank you. I’m new to all this , and I’m super sorry if I was insensitive last night “
Aiko just chuckled “ it’s alright kid you’re forgiven “
Kid ? I’m the same age as you...
But before Yoriko could clarify that Aiko cut her off putting a finger to her lips.
“Come to think of it , if you do wanna make it up to me I wouldn’t say no to a little help. A client I’m supposed to take care of is coming in soon but I haven’t gotten a chance to eat anything all day “ she groaned “Cover for me ? I’m staaarving” Aiko asked with a half smirk
“Yeah yeah alright “ she rolled her eyes “ I’ll be here when they get here you go head out .” She paused “But don’t be too long! I can’t take care of the shop on my own you know“.
Well that’s what I get for opening my big mouth , I’m not supposed to be the customer service person ... that means I’ll have to talk to people ... that I don’t know ... ew .
Aiko left for her early lunch break with Daitan who’s break was right on schedule . And Yoriko tried to take advantage of this free time as best she could. No one was gonna be here for a while so she didn’t see the harm in a little slacking off.
Slipping in her headphones and turning on some of the pop music she loved listening to, the flower shop soon became a sold out venue for a concert with no audience.
Humming and singing along she really just needed some break time of her own. The broom became a guitar , and she tried unsuccessfully a few times to copy that trick dancers would do where they catch a rose in their teeth .
“ OW, shit !” The mildly injured girl exclaimed upon finally catching it properly .
Maybe I shouldn’t have used one with thorns ...
The concert resumed after a first aid intermission . And Yoriko found herself chorus deep in a love song when she made eye contact with the customer ... who had seemingly been at the front desk for a while now.
“ h-hey oh my god sorry !” She frantically scrambled to pull out and push away her headphones . Her cheeks flushed pink from extreme embarrassment
Oh and of course it has to be the cute girl from yesterday. Things are always more embarrassing when it’s in front of someone pretty . “H-hey there Koemi ... I uh , didn’t keep you waiting for too long did I ?“
“Not at all , I’ve only been here for a few minutes “ she giggled . Yoriko couldn’t help but note she had a really cute laugh.
A few minutes? Ahhhh that’s , way more than the acceptable amount of minutes to see that! Her face turned scarlet.
“ Y-yeah uhm ... I thought I was alone , sorry, I don’t usually dance around that much in public “ she quickly tried to make light of the subject so she wouldn’t seem like a weirdo
“You really should ~” she teased “ I’d drop money for tickets . “ Koemi winked
Yoriko grew more and more flustered . She started fiddling with her fingers and looking all around the room , not really certain on how to respond to that.
Koemi caught onto that pretty quickly , she didn’t mean to make fun of her . Honestly she thought it was adorable to see her in her element like that .
“Maybe next time I could join you?” She pulled her umbrella out of her bag and air strummed it “ I play a pretty mean air violin “ she encouraged confidently.
That one actually got a laugh out of Yoriko . “Yeah , well I’ll keep you posted if there’s any openings , be sure to check the fliers over here ,” she gestured to the open wall,“ and call the number below for details” seeing koemi amused seemed to be enough to fix yorikos self confidence.
“How about I make it easier and you just call this one ?~” Koemi brushed her hair to the side and wrote her number in pen with a little smiley face next to it and slipped it to her over the counter
Oh wow is this ... is what’s happening what I think is happening ? She didn’t know what to make of this she’d never been hit on by anyone before . Especially not by a girl . Ok I need to make sure I know what she’s thinking . Say something clever to see what she wants from me. “ thanks! Nice number , always been a big fan of five’s”
Why has the universe forsaken me?
Koemi reached over to grab the bags of seeds she had paid for online and without offering any further explanation she just passed her a wave “Call me tonight okay ? We’ll figure something out alright?I’ll see ya around flower girl!”
Yoriko’s day took a complete 180 , she was so disheveled and agitated this morning but now ? She felt excited , maybe eager. Yoriko had the soon to be therapy session in the back of her mind all day and it stressed her out so much . But talking to Koemi took away that fear . And even tho she was gone she was left with this lingering sense of ... what ? Self confidence? Oh I just don’t know anymore .
She glanced at the clock and found once again that the hands definitely absolutely were way too far past what they should be .
Running out of the small shop to make the appointment in time she bumped into her two co workers at the door. “Sorry! Gotta dash girls!” She said in response to their shocked expressions.
Largely out of character , Yoriko arrived 5 minutes early to her meeting . Her lateness was one of the few negative things about her friendship with touka ... that girl was always so late Yoriko could never bother to be there on time either.
The first steps were always the hardest she knew that ... but then why did steps 10-15 feel so hard . She knew it wasn’t true but at this moment the door to the office was the most dangerous thing she’d ever seen . Knocking on the hardwood felt like poking a bear. It was a hesitant knock and a quick step back out of fear of being bit .
But the therapist paid close attention. She was used to patients that felt hesitant to go through with their journey . Hearing the knock she was quick to open it “Well hello there!” She spoke in a quiet yet happy voice as to not startle or worry Yoriko.
Her hair was blonde and freckles found themselves splattered on her cheeks .“Always a pleasure to meet a new face ... miss Yoriko is it ?” She clarified . Taking her nod as a definite answer.
Mrs .... Hitomi?” She asked to make sure her pronunciation was correct while looking over at the name plate .” Or is it doctor ? Sorry I’m new to all this “
“Oh don’t worry dear , just Hitomi is fine by me . Would you like to come in ?” The polite woman opened the door and gave a welcoming gesture into her office .
More cautious steps onward and finally she realized the room was actually cozy . There was a fluffy gray couch that sat aside from an arm chair . In between the two was a well crafted coffee table with a light colored wood , magazines and coloring books sitting on top of it to occupy guests .
Yoriko scanned the room with her eyes and felt pleased with what she saw . She started to sit down in the middle of the couch but even then she couldn’t help but want to leave .
“It’s not too late to turn around you know .” Hitomi spoke seemingly reading her mind . “ I’ve had a lot of patients that question that when they first come in ... do you wanna hear what I tell them ?”
Yoriko gave a mildly anxious nod . Not really certain what could be said to put her in a better mindset.
“ Yoriko ... you’re here because at some point along your journey , you thought that you could use some help . And all I’m asking is that you believe in yourself , because I believe in yourself . And all I want to do is talk with you .”
There was a warmth to her words and a genuineness like that of a grandmother complimenting her grandchild .
That’s ... hard to argue with . “ Ok ... well if I’m trusting myself then I might as well stay “ while ease slipped over her she still wasn’t certain exactly what to do “ so , how do we start these?” She asked with a puzzled tone .
“Well that’s easy , you and I are just gonna have a little coversatuon. I can ask you questions and you can ask them back. “ she took out her note pad and checked the pen to see if it worked. Scribbling loudly until the ink started flowing properly .
“Let’s start simple , how are you feeling today Yoriko ? Anything interesting happen ?”
The girl crossed her legs adapting to her surroundings. As far as simple questions went this was definitely the starting point . “Well, over all it’s been good ... this customer at my work walked in on me dancing and singing to myself so that was certainly embarrassing “ she said with a faint blush to her cheeks . Even if this is all confidential it’s still awkward to be telling a grown woman silly things like this .
“And how’d the customer take it, did he get mad?” She laughed a little to herself “ or was it embarrassing because he found it cute .”
Eyes darting towards her ankles provided an answer that didn’t need words. “Uhm , she was a girl and well , I honestly think she did . She gave me her number and I don’t know if I’m just looking into it too much but I’m pretty sure she wanted to go out with me ?”
The note taking made Yoriko just a little paranoid . Just what exactly is she writing down ? uhg .
“ And how does that prospect make you feel ?” She looked her over. Yoriko was new to her , really all she knew was her name , so these vague statements weren’t giving her much to work with .” Is she someone you’d want to date ? What’s holding you back ?”
How do I feel ? Uhm ... I mean isn’t that obvious ... well I suppose not she doesn’t know me after all . “ well it caught me off guard sure but I’m just not sure how to let her down. No ones ever had an interest in me that way before so I guess it’s just a little out of sorts for me “. But if it’s so obvious to me why can’t I help but feel a little wrong when I deny it ? Maybe I’m a little curious but that doesn’t mean anything unless I let it . And besides , I don’t need that, I already know what I like and it’s definitely definitely not girls . The image of koemi’s smiling face took over for a second . Definitely not
“ Are you sure ? You seem a bit hesitant to devote yourself to that answer. Not to argue with you of course but you know there’s never anything wrong with some self evaluation .” She punctuated with a click of her pen .
That actually made her a little upset “What reason would I have to lie about that? “ she all but groaned .Frustration building up knowing she’d have to keep repeating herself..“Yes I’m sure , I don’t like girls that way . She just seems ... nice “ And playful and pretty ... in a platonic way of course . Girls can compliment other girls that’s not a big deal . Touka used to compliment me all the time, and that didn’t mean anything ... wait did it ?
“ My apologies “ Hitomi talked more with her hands . She looked worried that she may have offended Yoriko and decided to change topics. “How about we move onto the main course before we run out of time huh? What brings you here today really . You can be open with me and I promise I won’t interrupt “ she assured .
This was the part she dreaded . Taking a moment to recalibrate Yoriko centered herself. “ I’m here because , I had a friend named touka . I don’t know why she left me but she did . And all I can feel is responsible somehow . And my life isn’t the same without her “ The first step to moving on was admitting the problem, but acknowledging that made yorikos heart feel like lead , sinking ever deeper .
“Well people moving away is an especially hard problem ... was it her parents making her go or of her own accord ?”
“Neither ... touka didn’t have any family and she had nowhere else to go .... but she just , left me ..” she knew it wasn’t so personal but it felt so strange to not say she left her alone , she had to know how it would hurt her .
“She stopped texting me one day , and then stopped accepting my calls ... and after that she just didn’t show up to our trip we had planned for a while” .
“Ironically enough that trip was supposed to be to make sure we wouldn’t lose touch after college. She was gonna meet me at the zoo and I just waited there for hours and hours”
Talking about it just sent her right back into the moment it went down . She knew in her heart if touka cared about her she couldn’t do this . Just a few minutes longer. She repeated the thought like it was her mantra. But eventually the minutes turned to hours and before she knew it a security guard was escorting her out out the zoo ... and even then she sat on the bench outside the gate for another hour just praying she was okay .
There was only a few other places she could think to check , she knew where touka lived and where she worked . But those were the only two places she could think to check.
Expectations were set high with this being her last resort . If touka wasn’t here she could be anywhere ... which meant she was no where. Yoriko wanted to run through that door and just hug her , or scream at her she didn’t know which . But the choice was never given , she walked up to what was barely rubble .
The whole coffee shop was unrecognizable we’re it not for the shattered sign that read “ Anteiku”. Some bodies and blood coated the road which only stood to horrify Yoriko , worried her friend could be one of them. A smoldered stuffed rabbit laid in the center where touka used to stay. Swooping it Into her arms she started to cry.
She quickly made her way back to Touka’s appartment and found it empty ... there wasn’t a trace that anyone had ever lived there ... that broke her
Another hour was spent just bawling on floor of the appartment . Her knees got scratched up from the splintering wood but even after that she just lied there wanting to wake up .
She tired herself out, and had no choice but to walk home. Staying alone in an empty broken apartment isn’t safe with ghouls walking around. Alone with a burnt rabbit souvenir and her own thoughts she started the trek home.
Touka had been so many of her firsts, but she couldn’t remember any of their lasts .
The last time we said goodbye ... I-I can’t even recall where it was .
The street never ended.
When was the last time I told her how important she was to me ?
It stretched on for what felt like miles .
And the last time I hugged her ?
Just walking walking walking . Walking till her feet hurt but not getting any closer to home .
I can’t even begin to recall the last time I made her smile.
How could she make it home without her . Touka was her home and she could never open the door to that again .
I needed more time , I needed ... I don’t even know , I just need her.
No light no people no anything to distract her from just how unforgiving this moment of loneliness was.
Touka’s gone now .
My best friend is gone.
I’m so sorry ...
In the days following Yoriko spent a majority of her time researching what happened . And although there wasn’t anything concrete she knew there was a battle between the military and several ghouls that happened near the shop. The fire broke out when the military launched the first explosives at the ghouls , and things just seemed to spiral from there . Suddenly she felt incredibly nauseous.
Stumbling to the bathroom with ragged breaths . Her hands slammed down on her dining room table so hard they felt bruised and she barely caught her balance.
“ Touka couldn’t have run away from that .” Yoriko worried out loud , her thoughts far too crowded to keep it in. “ and she had to have been there so .... so that means she ..”
She wouldn’t have dared to speak it into existence back then . But in her heart deep down she knew it was true
“And I’ll never see touka again ...” Yoriko concluded . Ending her tale of tragedy and more or less wrapping up her first session.
“Wow ... “ she took a moment to let her gather her emotions “well it seems to me that you’ve been forced through a largely traumatic experience with someone you thought would be there for you . You blame yourself despite not knowing the reasons for her departure. And one of your biggest problems with that is a lack of closure . Sure our conversations will help you but to get real closure you need to talk with Touka.”
“If I could do that I wouldn’t be here in the first place.”,she stressed losing her patience.
I understand that , but talking to the real Touka isn’t what I was referring to.”. Yoriko’s raised eyebrows and squinting eyes forced out an explanation.
“What I mean to say is that I recommend you take a journal like this here, and address the entry’s toward Touka. Sort of like writing a letter but not one you’ll be sending. You get to talk to her in a setting most beneficial to you, one where you can vent and express your thoughts and she can’t interrupt. And by chance if you do see her again it’ll be easier for you to know what to say to her.”
The purple notebook felt strange in her hands on the way home . Starting a project like that felt too weird. It was too uncomfortable to address Touka like she was some figment of her mind.
Yoriko’s phone buzzed with a text from an unknown number. A confused glance down at it and she was greeted by a pleasant message .
“Hey Yoriko :), it’s me Koemi, remember that super cool girl with a good sense of fashion and a fun personality ?”
A giggle escaped her lips. She is pretty cool I have to give her that. But she felt more than happy to have Koemi as a distraction.
“You definitely seem familiar.” She teased. “I thought you said I should call you? Couldn’t keep yourself away from me huh?;)” she joked back . It felt a little out of character but somehow she figured Koemi wouldn’t mind.
“Alright you caught me ... you just seem like a fun pretty gal to hang out with and I got your number from Aiko. Hope you don’t mind.”
A fun pretty girl she can’t keep off her mind ... she really is a flirt. But I’m not sure I mind very much.
Before she could respond she got another text from Koemi. “So how’s your day been going today? You seemed in high spirits earlier.”
Her day had in actuality been pretty depressing... but what could be the harm in pretending?
“ my day was lovely actually. It was a really good chill day.”
“Tell me all about it :)”
They talked for quite a while . It was so refreshing to have a genuine chat about the little things again . She almost didn’t want to put the phone down but part of her knew what she should be doing at the moment .
She told Koemi she had something to take care of and that she would be back later . And made her way to her desk to get started .
Dear, Touka ,
It’s been a while .
She had to take the next few minutes to frame what she wanted to say
This whole situation is so awkward . I hadn’t realized how much I needed you until you were gone . I know you probably didn’t mean to leave but the bottom line is you hurt me. And you hurt me in a way i still haven’t recovered from.
Somewhere out there I’d like to think that you’re working through what life without me is like. She paused . I guess that sounds a little conceited ...Trust me I don’t want you to hurt like me , I guess I just want proof that I mattered...
She looked down at another text from Koemi ,which wished her luck,and smiled again.
But let’s talk positives! I’ve actually made some new friends lately. It was hard but Daitan and Aiko are great people I met at work. Oh! Yeah I hadn’t said, I moved, and I got a job now , I work at a flower shop , it’s really nice there. I met one of the regulars who’s really sweet, her name’s Koemi. She’s a little on the flirty side but she’s so kind to me . Honestly it feels like she’s a mind reader, she texts me or shows up to talk to me whenever I’m feeling down , like she knows the perfect time to come cheer me up .
You’d really like her . She’s a lot like you but , well maybe she’s a little less grumpy and quiet. But you’d really get along. I’ll probably call her after this and see the town . She invited me for a night out a couple times now and I think I should give it a shot . It sounds like it’d be fun.
But uh ... yeah ... I’m not really sure how to end these yet. They seem so pointless. I mean are you even alive? It’s so scary to think you might read these someday but I’m even more horrified that you won’t ever get the chance.
Her eyes had been watering already just thinking about talking to her . She tried to blink them away but it didn’t work. A tear dripped onto the page and she quickly dabbed it dry with a napkin before continuing .
I miss you more every day Touka. But I’m really hoping some day , in some way , I won’t have to anymore. I’m gonna go now okay ? I really need to take my mind away from you for a while and I’ll take whatever break I can get . Hopefully I’ll see you soon . Goodbye for now touka.”
And with that she clamped the book closed and took out her phone again . Dialing the number she was just happy someone picked up.
“Hey Koemi ... so ... are you still up for that night out with me ?”