Archive of Our Own

“Chill? This is Anti we’re talking about! Do you not know what he’s done to all of us!?”
Anger and fear, so sharp and bitter he felt like he was choking on it.

“You seriously cannot be asking us to be calm around that glitch!”
Confusion and worry swirled around him alongside the fear, filling his head and making everything foggy- making it impossible to tell where his feelings ended and theirs began.

“How do I make it stop?”
He barely realized it was him that spoke, everything was too loud and hurt and all the emotions were drowning him make it stop make it stop-

I’ll make it stop-

Anti jolted awake and sat up, eyes wide and feeling shaky, those four words echoing menacingly through his head.
‘What was that…?’

He swallowed, bringing a hand up to rub at his neck, though he wasn’t entirely sure why, then took a few deep breaths and shook his head.
‘Just a nightmare, don’t go scaring yourself…’

Thankfully, a distraction came in the form of a knock on the door, and Anti pulled himself out of bed to go answer it, finding himself yawning as he did so.
“Is it time for dinner already…?”

The man who had comforted him yesterday- Jack, that was his name- smiled, and Anti couldn’t help but relax at the wave of kindness washing over him, smiling softly back as his nightmare faded to the back of his mind.
“Actually, it’s morning. I decided to let you sleep last night, but I’m sure you’re hungry now. Breakfast is downstairs.”

Anti perked up, his stomach growling, “Is there any coffee?” he asked hopefully.

Jack laughed, and Anti decided he liked the sound.
“Of course there is! There’s always coffee in this house, it’s the lifeblood of most of us. Marvin also made pancakes, and he makes the best pancakes, you’re in for a treat!”

Even as he agreed and started following the other down to the kitchen, Anti tried to sort out which one Marvin might have been.
‘I think he was one of the angry ones…? But the quieter one, not that one with the hat… Oh, maybe he was the one with-’’

Anti stopped dead in his tracks as they entered the room, sucking in a breath and curling in on himself as he realized how thick the air was with dread. He felt sick.
It took a few moments for him to realize everyone was staring at him, and when he did he swallowed, glancing around at them nervously.
‘Scared again, why are they scared…?’

“Uh… G-good morning…?”
He mumbled it, trying his best not to feel ashamed as well as sick.

The others looked at each other, the one in the hat scowling as they seemingly spoke without words, until what appeared to be the youngest sighed, and smiled at Anti.
“Good morning, Anti. Would you like some breakfast?”

It was slow, a little wary, but with that smile came a little buzz of hope, and Anti relaxed a little as the room became a bit more bearable. “Yeah, I'd love some, thanks. Some coffee too, if it's not any trouble."

“Oh yeah, of course!” He summoned the other over with a wave of his hand, and Anti went right over to him, relieved as the young man continued. “I’m Jackie, by the way, nice to meet you properly…”

After that, he had a few hours to himself as everybody went their separate ways after breakfast. Jackie was doing something with Marvin- who, he discovered, was the one with long hair that always felt more nervous or angry than scared- and Jack had to record something. The man was kind enough to leave him his laptop, however, and Anti found himself thoroughly enjoying a different YouTuber named Markiplier, especially the horror games he played.

Now, he paused the video he was currently on, a game called Alien Isolation, and got up from his bed to head downstairs to get some water. Maybe Jackie would be done with Marvin, and they could spend more time together. He’d still been scared of Anti, but… He was trying to be nice, at least.

It turned out he ran into Chase, instead, rounding the corner to find him in the living room, though it seemed the man hadn’t noticed him yet.

“Uh- h-hey, Chase,” he started a little hesitantly, stopping to give the other a little wave.

“Wha- fuck- ”
Chase swore as he kicked the coffee table and stumbled, hitting the ground hard and barely avoiding banging his head on the wood.

“Oh crap- I-I’m so sorry, let me help you!”
Anti hurried over and held out a hand for the other, grabbing gently for his arm, but the moment he made contact, fear tore through him, so strong he felt dizzy, and Chase ripped his arm away and scrambled back.
“Don’t touch me!”

Anti stumbled back, his chest tight as he clutched at his shaking hand, mind a little foggy with the absolute terror that had just coursed through him, but Chase didn’t even seem to notice, sharp stabs of anger assaulting Anti as the other backed away to the other side of the room, clutching his arm.
“You scratched me, you little shit- what were you gonna do to me, huh!? Lock me away? Tie me up and torture me!?”

“N-no, wait-” He stumbled over his words, flinching with every one that came out of Chase’s mouth, and hesitantly took a step forward. “I-I’m sorry, I w-was just-”

“Don’t take another step!”

Anti flinched back as the dad’s hand dropped down to the pistol at his belt, and for a brief, blinding moment, he only knew a searing, shattering pain, like his entire body was breaking apart at the seams.
And then he blinked, and the pain was gone, and the gun hadn’t been pulled out, just leaving him shaking and feeling heat pricking at his eyes. When he noticed Jack in the room, standing near Chase, he scrambled to explain, not knowing if he could bear the one nice person starting to hate him too.

“I-I’m sorry, I j-just… it was a-an accident, I swear!”

“Like hell it was!” 
Another stab of anger from Chase, another wave of fear rushing through Anti, though this time mostly his own.
“You don’t draw blood by accident!"

“Okay, everyone calm down,” Jack said gently, holding his hands up, then approaching Chase. “Chase, show me your arm.”

Chase shot a withering glare at Anti, muttering something he couldn’t quite hear as Jack inspected his arm, and Anti hunched his shoulders, looking firmly down at the floor as he struggled not to start crying then and there.

‘ Why does he hate me so much…? I just wanted to help him, I didn’t mean to scratch him-’

His body buzzed, the weird jolting and static starting quietly again, and Anti bit down harshly on his lip, struggling to pull his pixels back together-
Pixels?

“What happened?”

The thought was shoved aside as Jack turned to him, gentle worry cooling over the burns of Chase’s anger, and Anti took a shaky breath, still holding his arm close, a little afraid he’d somehow hurt Jack next.
“H-he tripped, and I tried t-to help him up, but he j-jumped away, and I ended up scratching him…”

“So it was an accident? And you apologized?” Jack asked softly, and Anti nodded, not having the energy to do much else.

“Then you did everything you were supposed to. Chase overreacted, is all.”
Jack put a hand to his shoulder, smiling, and Anti almost winced at the touch, afraid it would bring the same fear that it did from Chase.

“H-he was scared of me…” Anti mumbled, letting go of his arm to wrap his arms around himself, feeling a strange chill curling in his chest as he voiced his worry. “E-everyone is always scared of m-me, even Jackie… Did I d-do something…?”
‘If I know what it was, I can fix it, and then they won’t hate me anymore…’

“Oh Anti…”
And then Jack was hugging him, and he couldn’t help but press into it, the warmth of it stealing his breath away, chasing away the cold as soon as it began.

“No one’s scared of you-” ‘Can’t you feel it??’ “-you just remind them of someone, that's all… You didn't do anything…”

Anti sniffled, not really believing him, but went along with it.
“Th-then why does it f-feel so bad…? Why do I feel guilty…?” he hesitantly asked, feeling safe in his arms for the moment.

Jack paused, going quiet, and Anti tensed, comfort shifting along the line to worry again.
‘Did I say something wrong is he gonna get mad too-'

“I… I don’t know, Anti. But you didn’t do anything to them, I promise…”

Anti could only bring himself to nod, forcing himself to relax again, and when Jack pulled back to smile at him, he smiled back, trying to reassure him.

“Wanna play a video game together?”

He blinked, caught off guard for a moment, then grinned, his smile widening. “Y-yeah, sure.”

All in all, after a while, Anti wouldn’t say things were terrible- after all, they were all starting to warm up to him! Jackie spent the most time with him, but sometimes Marvin would give both of them a little magic show, and Henrik occasionally dragged him off to learn how to cook or do basic first aid, so he could patch himself up whenever he got especially banged up from tripping or falling.

Jamie, the mute one who was always only terrified around him, started relaxing, his fear less harsh in the air, and started teaching him sign language. It was so interesting! And sometimes Jack would join too- all of it never failed to make him smile.

And then the nightmares started.

It was small, at first- flashes of pain, of blood, places he felt like he should know but didn’t. He didn’t remember the entire dream, only that something hurt and a harsh, almost painful sense of fear in the air, none of it ever his.

And then the others started showing up.

“Let me go, you fucking waste of disc space!”

Jackie snarled at him, clawing at Anti’s hand tight around his throat, then kicked at the glitch’s stomach and pushed away from him, quickly scrambling to his feet and grabbing a taser from his belt, leaping at Anti with an angry battle cry.

Over and over again, all of them hurt-

“Scheisse-”
Henrik swore under his breath as he wiped the blood from his mouth, glaring at the glitch with utter hate in his eyes as his other hand pressed hard against the cut in his side. “Oh, don’t look so smug, you bastard! The others will make you pay for this!”

or fighting him-
"Eyes on me, virus!”
Marvin snarled, eyes glowing green as he threw fire and painful bursts of light at Anti, almost too fast for him to dodge.
“I’ll give you something to laugh about!”

or terrified of him -

Jamie stumbled back from the mirror, scared tears in his eyes, and tore desperately at the strings tying themselves around his wrists, struggling to get free, get away from him-

For two months, they had plagued him, only getting worse and worse by the day, and he was so scared of them, he woke up shaking and crying with each and every one, only going downstairs when he was sure he looked normal.

Because he couldn’t tell the others, he just couldn’t- they were only now starting to trust him, starting to relax around him instead of acting like…

Like he was going to attack them-

It was fine, anyway. He could handle it, he didn’t need to bother them with something like this, they could get freaked out, and he never wanted them to look at him like they did in his dreams.

Even if Chase already did. 

Even if he always had...

So he resolved to stay quiet about it, pretend nothing was ever wrong- surely they’d stop eventually, and he could just move on with his life…

Anti glanced out the window, snickering as he watched the other egos gathering beneath the building he’d locked himself in. Arguing and gesturing wildly- it was so fun to watch them panic~
Schneep wasn’t there, probably trying to stop Jack from bleeding out, and Anti never expected to see Jamie if he didn’t bring the man himself, but he also didn’t see Chase, which was… Strange, considering his new toy.

Heh. Maybe he already gave up and bit the bullet. Speaking of toys…

Anti turned and walked towards the sobbing in the other room, grinning at the young girl tied up there, and crouched down to be at her level. “Aww, what’s wrong, miss your daddy?”

She shrieked and tried to scramble away, tears pouring down her cheeks- she really looked so much like Chase, the little brat.
Anti grabbed at her hair and yanked her closer, laughing at the second scream from her. “Well I’m so sorry, sweetheart, but he’s not coming back~! He abandoned you, ran away like the little whiny coward he is!”

He stood up, pulling her up on her own bruised legs, then laughed as he let go and let her fall to the floor with a cry.
“Pity, too, I would’ve loved to see his face when I told him all about what I’m going to do to his little princess~!”

Chase’s daughter sobbed and hid her face, shaking in terror, and Anti sighed, almost bored by the reaction.
" So predictable… I’ll have to play with you some more later, see what I can get-”

He didn’t hear the gun go off, but he definitely felt it, the bullet tearing through him and scattering his pixels momentarily around the room.

Anti reformed with a snarl, knife in hand as he glared at Chase. “You bastard- ”

“That’s my line, you crazy glitch bitch!”
Chase snarled back, gun pointed right at the glitch’s head. “Let go of my daughter, you monster!”

“Never!”
He cackled, glitches ripping through him as he advanced on the dad. “I’ll make sure she’s soaked in your blood by the end of the day!”

Anti bolted up from his bed so fast he thought he was going to fall out of it.
His chest was tight, suffocatingly so, and tears rolled down his cheeks as he struggled to breathe, unable to make even a sound. 
‘That was- sh-she was- a-and Chase-’

No. No. No.

It was just a dream, it wasn’t- it couldn’t be real, it was just like all the others, it was just-

Wetness dripped down his shirt. Blood.
Blood from his neck.
He barely choked back a terrified whimper and grabbed for his blanket, yanking it up to press against the bleeding cut and hoping, begging for it to stop, for everything to go back to normal.

“Let her go you fucking monster!”

Just a dream. It was just a bad dream, it had to be. 

Anti squeezed his eyes shut, fighting against the glitches wracking through his body, and stayed there, shaking and gasping for air, until his neck stopped bleeding and he didn’t feel lightheaded from fear and the static tearing through him.
The glitch stood, a little shaky, and stuffed the bloodied blanket under his bed before going over to the small desk in the room, checking his reflection with the laptop Jack had given him a month ago. He grimaced- he looked like shit, bags under his eyes and the scar across his neck red and irritated.

‘...They’re expecting me for breakfast, I can’t just skip…’

He took just a couple minutes to clean himself up, and to change his shirt to something that wasn’t stained with blood, then took a deep breath and forcefully shoved the nightmare to the back of his mind, just like always.
‘Just a dream. It was just a dream, none of it was real.’

He wasn’t sure if he believed himself anymore.

Anti hesitantly entered the kitchen, pleading with whatever force was listening that the others wouldn’t notice anything was wrong- for people seemingly numb to the emotions plain around them, they were far too good at reading him.
Alas, he could never be that lucky.

“Anti? You okay?”
That was Jackie, looking up from a sizzling pan, and Anti jumped despite the gentle tone, it being all too easy to remember full of anger and pain.

“O-oh, uh-”
He couldn’t tell them, how would they react if they found out? How could they be okay with him if they knew what he kept dreaming about?

“Anti…?” 
Jack stood up slowly, about ready to head towards him, and Anti swallowed. Jack’s concern, usually soft and calming, made his stomach churn with guilt, like he’d actually done all those things he kept dreaming about.

What if I did-

“S-sorry,” he managed, smiling a false smile and hoping that was enough to calm them. “I guess I’m a bit jumpy…”

“Did you have a bad dream?”
Marvin. He was always angry in the dreams, fighting him and never afraid.

Just like that day he appeared-

“Something like that…”
Anti muttered shakily, and went to get a cup of coffee before sitting down, sipping it silently in hopes that nobody else would want to talk to him.
‘What if they know about the dreams and they’re afraid I’ll act on them? Did they know this was gonna happen, is that why they all hated me at first?’

“Do you wanna talk about it…?”
Jackie asked quietly as he sat down, though Anti wouldn’t look up to acknowledge him.
“It's better to not keep things bottled up…”

Anti peeked up, feeling the guilt burning in his gut again as he looked at all the others, and his throat tightened, his mouth felt dry.
“I…”

“How about you have this conversation with people who actually care?”
He flinched back at Chase’s words, the dad’s anger ringing in his head so strong it made him feel dizzy, and he shook his head slightly, struggling to focus on anything besides it.
‘Does he hate me because he already knows? Does he get them too?’

“One of these days, he’s just gonna go back to the Anti we know!”

Anti’s head snapped up, eyes going wide as he stared at the now standing Chase, pain and hate radiating off of him as he yelled at Jack.

The Anti they know?

“Do you not know what he’s done to all of us!?”

The anger.

“What were you gonna do to me, huh!? Lock me away? Tie me up and torture me!?”

The fear.

They’d all had it, right from the beginning, even Jack- though he did his best not to show it, it was impossible to ignore when the feelings dug into him like a personal attack.

And all at once, it made sense.

They weren’t dreams- they were memories. His memories.
Antisepticeye’s memories.

They were still yelling, but Anti barely heard it, instead staring blankly down at his hands as time seemed to stop.
‘I hurt them. I tortured them, I attacked them, I tormented them-’

‘I hurt Chase’s kids. I hurt him in every way I could think of. Of course he hates me, why wouldn’t he?’

He wasn’t sure when he started shaking, or when he started glitching, because nothing could overpower the guilt coursing through him as it fully sunk in.
Oh, god- I-I tried to kill them, I r-ruined their lives-’

“-sorry, I’m s-sorry…”
He choked it out as he stood abruptly and backed away from the table. He flinched as he felt everyone’s eyes turn to him, and all he could imagine was that they knew, and now they’d realize he knew and they’d kick him out or lock him up and- and-

Anti wrapped his arms around himself in a feeble attempt to keep himself together, and barely bit back a sob, voice shaking with the effort to not collapse entirely.
“I-I’ll just… G-go back to m-my room, ‘m sorry…” I’ll lock myself up please I’m sorry- just please don’t look at me like you used to-

And with that, he summoned up the once confusing power that had always buzzed beneath the surface, the one he could now control as easy as thinking, and glitched away, back to his bedroom where he could pretend they were safe from him.

The glitch fell back against the door, covering his mouth as the dam burst and ugly sobs tore from his throat, his chest so tight he felt he would pass out as he curled up right there on the floor.

No wonder they had all hated him, always been so afraid of him, he was-

“I’ll give you something to laugh about!”

“You’ll pay for this!”

“You fucking waste of disk space!”

“Let go of my daughter you fucking monster!”

...a monster.