Archive of Our Own ^beta

Oikawa Tooru was, for all intents and purposes, the most infuriating person Hajime had ever had the misfortune of spending an ounce of time around.

Oikawa was a whiny kid, a crybaby when he was eight years old.
By the time they were in highschool, Oikawa was a popular, attractive, ambitious, and insecure teen disguising as a confident captain.
In college, Oikawa was a hard-working, driven student with a passion for what he did.

Growing up with him, Hajime got to watch the change in his personality as he grew as a person.
All the while, he dragged Hajime around with him, and Hajime got caught up in his determination.

When they were kids, Hajime would try to comfort Oikawa whenever the latter cried over not being able to climb trees like Hajime could.
In highschool, Hajime made sure Oikawa didn’t overwork himself to death, kept him on his feet and walking forward.
And in college, Hajime was pulled along with Oikawa’s passion. One thing led to another, and their relationship changed.

They’d felt ripples of a distant shift in the future for their relationship as far back as their last years of junior high.
It was obvious that Oikawa was quickly growing into an attractive teen, and Hajime might have gotten carried along in all the talk of boyfriends and girlfriends from his classmates then.

Nothing really happened until their last year of highschool, some days after they lost their last chance to go to nationals together.
It all happened so quickly, Hajime wasn’t really even sure what they were doing until Oikawa was under him.

And even despite that, it was a wonderful night, and they had laughed, red-faced and flustered.
Oikawa had looked beautiful beneath him, smooth skin and tangled hair.
It was just them, nothing else mattered - not their future, or the next morning.

But when the next morning eventually rolled around, they’d both realized what they’d done and weren’t sure how to progress past that.
It flicked on a switch in their relationship, though they never gave it a name. Oikawa had always been clingy and affectionate either way, but it still felt a bit different after that.

Shoulder bumps created slight, barely-noticeable flinches, fingers brushing resulted in murmured “sorry”’s and pulled back hands. Eye contact was flicked away, casual conversations were a bit more forced to be casual.

Though Oikawa had always been touchy their entire lives, he’d hesitate to wrap his arm around Hajime’s neck in the hallways like he’d always done. When they huddled with the team, Oikawa’s hands practically flew off Hajime’s back once they were done, almost like he was scared to let them linger too long.

Their teammates took note, Hajime was sure, but no one ever brought it up.
It wasn’t unnatural for Oikawa and Hajime to argue and distance to be created from an argument that had been taken a bit too far; their team likely assumed they’d get over it in time and return to normal.

They sat in a facade of ignorance that anything had happened between them at all.
Despite their physical awkwardness, Oikawa still worked hard and pestered Hajime, and Hajime still chided Oikawa for his antics.

They had coasted like that for so long that Hajime could have honestly tricked himself into believing nothing did happen.
Their desperation to go back to normal was probably fooling him too, he realized.
It was like throwing a blanket over the issue - it was so, so obvious that it was there, but… out of sight, out of mind, right?

They never talked about it afterwards, and when Oikawa got a recommendation to study abroad, somewhere across the ocean, far from Hajime, he didn’t stop Oikawa from leaving.

He might have felt... something about it, but Hajime buried it deep.
Because he did want Oikawa to succeed and to do what was best for him, even after all they went through. They were still best friends, after all.
It would probably be better if they had space, anyway, with how their relationship was going.

He justified his inaction with everything he could think of, everything but any kind of affectionate emotion.

Oikawa had asked Hajime, days before he packed up his things, “Are you alright with me leaving?”

And Hajime thought it was an asinine question.
Why the hell was Oikawa asking him for permission to go to college somewhere else?
What did he have to do with Oikawa’s future?

Of course, in the back of his mind, he knew the only reason Oikawa asked him was because he wanted Hajime to oppose him.

But why would he? It was a good opportunity for Oikawa, there wasn’t a good excuse Hajime could come up with for Oikawa to stay.
Oikawa probably knew that, too. Still, he asked Hajime with a look in his eyes that Hajime didn’t quite study long enough to interpret.

So despite the hollow look on Oikawa’s face, Hajime told him, “It’s not up to me. You were invited, so why not go? You’d probably learn a lot.”

Oikawa frowned, protesting, “You’re my best friend. I thought I’d let you have a say in the matter.”

Hajime felt something burn up in his head, though he wasn’t sure what.
The words Oikawa said lit fires along his tongue, and even though he could feel it, feel that Oikawa wanted so badly for him to say otherwise, he spat, “It’s not my damn decision, Oikawa. It would be best for your career, so just go.”

Oikawa answered quietly, barely above a whisper, “Okay.”
He pressed a kiss to Hajime’s cheek, soft and delicate - Hajime wouldn’t have even known he’d done it if he hadn’t watched Oikawa cross the room to do it.

It was the first kiss Oikawa had given him since that night, though Hajime couldn’t quite tell if it had affectionate intent behind it. It almost felt melancholic, if a kiss could even be that.
It had caught Hajime off guard, and he stood stock still, in the middle of Oikawa’s room, so still that he’d worried he’d topple over.

Emotions bubbled up and Hajime almost, almost, said something he’d no doubt regret.
But he swallowed it down and left the space between them when Oikawa backed up and looked into his eyes as just space between them - nothing more.

Dark hickory eyes looked for any kind of meaning, any kind of regret or remorse for his words in narrow olive eyes, but Hajime didn’t let him find any.
He was sure that if he did, Oikawa would see right through him - he always did.

Hajime didn’t go to see Oikawa off at the airport.

They had kept in contact for six weeks.
Hajime counted them.

They sent staggering texts due to timezones, but the messages always felt a little empty after everything.
How’s South America?
Exciting! Working hard!
Try not to push yourself too much.
You’re so motherly, even so far away, Iwa-chan!

They called rarely, when their schedules lined up enough for it, though neither really had much to talk about during them.
The silence between them was normally comfortable, words not needed to just be in each other’s presence.
But the silence between them now was stale and static.

Even miles away, Hajime was certain that Oikawa could feel the tenseness in their wordless calls.
They both wanted to talk about something, anything, but the only conversations they could ever come up with were canned and tepid.

“Seems like Hanamaki is studying to be a med student.”
“Haha, good for him. Have you decided what you want to do?”
“Not sure yet. I’ve got time to figure it out.”
“I believe in you. You’ll be fine.”
“Worry about yourself, stupid.”

And after those six weeks passed of lukewarm conversations, Oikawa faded out of contact.
Before Oikawa stopped answering his texts, his replies had become fewer and farther between, so it wasn’t exactly a shock when three weeks passed without a reply.

Despite that, it still kind of hurt.
Hajime didn’t want to admit it, because it probably meant that Oikawa was just busy and thus, successful with what he was doing.
And it wasn’t like Hajime wasn’t busy with his own studies, either.

It was less that he was upset at Oikawa and more that he was just frustrated that their lives had gotten so busy they couldn’t keep in frequent contact.

At some point, Hajime allowed himself to just stew in all his petty emotions about it all.
Anger that Oikawa had just dropped connections, sad that he was being left behind, lonely as their highschool volleyball team slowly became more and more busy.

Hajime could only guess that his emotions were amplified by their nonexistent closure.
Hajime was left with a ghost of a kiss on his cheek, and a horrible, empty feeling in his gut.

There were nights Hajime would lie awake in his dorm room, staring up at the string lights his roommate had hung along the walls, and wonder if Oikawa was in the middle of a match on the other side of the world.

The days that Hajime would visit home, he’d spend time just sitting in his clean, unused bedroom.
His parents kept the room clean for whenever he wanted to visit or for when a guest came over and used his bedroom.

There were countless memories of Oikawa in that bedroom - just the result of growing up with the guy.

Hajime would lay on the floor of his old bedroom, watching the ceiling, remembering the time Oikawa stuck glow-in-the-dark stars up there when it was too cold to go stargazing outside.

They would spend countless nights under those home-made stars playing video games or watching movies into the early AM.

Oikawa had once spilled juice on the floor and despite cleaning it up quickly without a stain or anything, he still desperately apologized to Hajime’s mother.

Oikawa had always been bad at focusing while studying. He was smart regardless and more often than not, he was helping Hajime with homework rather than the other way around.
It frustrated Hajime that Oikawa was smarter than him, but he always supposed that meant Oikawa was on the path for greatness.

Reminiscing about Oikawa definitely didn’t help Hajime’s mood.

By the end of his second year of college, Hajime, for the most part, had gotten over it all.
There were the extremely rare nights that Hajime would sit in his dorm room and quietly wish he’d get a surprise text from Oikawa saying “Sorry for not replying for so long! I hope you’re doing okay over there, Iwa-chan~!”, but Hajime forced himself to study in distraction.

He began studying sports science, and put most of his time and effort into making good grades and passing his exams.

Even though he had made friends with the classmates in his classes, there was always somewhat of a disconnect from them.
Hajime would go out and eat with them, join study groups, and even karaoke with them once in a while, but he never really felt particularly close to them.

He spent most of his first two years of college drifting around, not quite making or keeping friends.

It was around the middle of his third year in college that he was emailed by Matsukawa about a highschool reunion.
The reunion landed on a weekend right before summer break let out, and it was apparently planned to be hosted at an old classmate’s home.

Hajime had brushed it off when he’d first initially read the email, giving an indifferent reply.
He had work to focus on, after all.
But by the time the week of the reunion rolled around, Hajime had finished his work, and had spent a better part of the month moping around his apartment, realizing he had nothing to do.

So the afternoon of the reunion, Hajime told himself: fuck it.

He showed up at the classmate’s house that night, already kind of regretting it the moment he walked up the porch by the sound of chatter inside.
Hajime recognized a few of the faces, but he was able to find some of the old Aoba Johsai volleyball team there and made small talk with them for a while before they dispersed to mingle.

Hajime mostly wandered around the house aimlessly, throwing on a smile whenever someone greeted him fondly.
Just wandering around was enough to tire him out, and he’d been entertaining the thought of leaving for about half an hour, though he lingered for no reason other than that he had nothing better to do.

Despite there being beer at the party, Hajime stayed away from it. He’d never really liked the taste of beer, though his old highschool classmates had tried to goad him into it.

He passed by the kitchen, and the scent of beer travelled. He inadvertently wrinkled his nose at the smell, and moved to leave into the living room.
As he was in the doorway, he overheard some voices coming from the corner of the kitchen.

“What kind of place is Brazil? It sounds exciting!”

Hajime froze, just for a split second at that.
He balled his fists up and continued, though. There was no way, after all.

A familiar laugh.
“It’s definitely different there, yeah. Learning Spanish is hard, but I’m managing.”

A familiar voice.

Hajime hadn’t thought much of it when he decided to come to the reunion.
Because there was no way they’d send an invitation for a reunion to someone who was on a whole other continent.
And surely, if he had come back, he would have told Hajime… right?

Hajime couldn’t stop himself - he risked a glance over his shoulder.

“I’m surprised you found time to come to this reunion, Oikawa! You’re probably pretty jetlagged, huh?”

Maybe Hajime shouldn’t have looked.

“I just happened to be coming back when I heard word of the reunion. I got back earlier this week, so I’m getting acclimated again, haha.”

Hajime definitely shouldn’t have looked, god dammit.
Even from a distance, Hajime could tell that he’d grown taller. Of course the bastard grew taller.

And yet, he looked the exact same as always.
Same airy laugh, dopey grin, big dumb eyes, perfectly styled hair. New stupid height.
Maybe a little more mature in the face.

He looked just like he hadn’t even left in the first place.
If Hajime didn’t know any better, he could have believed he’d just woken up from a three-year long dream, where Oikawa had never left.
He looked so normal and casual, chatting with classmates, red plastic beer cup in his hand, wearing-

He was wearing a hoodie he’d stolen from Hajime years ago, dammit.
Hajime had left it at his house, and Oikawa had begun wearing it, never giving it back.
He’d forgotten of the hoodie’s existence until now.

Hajime bit his lip.
Oikawa hadn’t contacted him for almost three years, and then just popped up at a reunion without a word.
What’s more, if he’s to be believed, he’d been home for days before the reunion.

It almost made Hajime laugh. It felt like everything had conspired against him to make him feel the worst he could possibly feel in one night.

Emotions blurred and mixed together, and Hajime was caught between just walking away and going up to Oikawa to punch him square in the face.

A voice from behind him shook him out of his thoughts, though.
“Hajime! Hey, it’s been forever!”

Hajime whipped his head around just as he caught Oikawa’s head turning toward him, and for the smallest fraction of a millisecond, Hajime knew their eyes had met.
He figured now would really be a good time to take his leave.

An old classmate stood in front of him. Hajime didn’t know him well and was having trouble placing his face. He recalled a Ryusuke, or something like that.
Hajime pushed past him, mustering up a curt apology about needing to leave and that he’d try to contact him later - a blatant lie, but so goes highschool reunions.

The house had gotten fairly crowded, so he weaved his way through the throng of people and somehow shoved his way to the front door.
As he was leaving, somewhere far back in the house, he thought he might have heard “Iwa-chan! Wait!”, but he chalked it up to the cacophony of chatter and pretended he didn’t hear it despite his nickname ringing in his ears the whole time.

He fast-walked all the way back to his apartment without looking back even once.
He only relaxed once his apartment door was closed, and he sank down onto the wood floor, hands balled into fists, nails cutting the palms of his hands.

Hajime tried not to cry often.
Or at the very least, he tried not to cry in front of other people very often.
He wanted to set a good example for his underclassmen, but he had always wanted to prove to himself that he was strong enough that he didn’t need to cry.

But alone in his dark apartment, he held back choked sobs through his gritted teeth.
His face felt hot, and his tears felt even hotter.
He furiously wiped at his eyes, though wiping his tears only made way for more.

He wasn’t even sure why he was crying - all his emotions were bubbling over and spilling out. He wasn’t even aware that he was bottling them.
Though he was alone in his apartment, he still felt humiliated. He hadn’t even said anything to Oikawa, after all.

He spent a better part of his night like that, jaw tightened, holding back everything in his mind.

He woke up in the afternoon.
He’d never been one to sleep in, but he felt he could give himself a break once in a while.
To his surprise, a couple of his old classmates sent him text messages. They all said something along the lines of “Missed you last night! We should catch up sometime!”

Hajime left all the messages read without a reply.
So goes highschool reunions indeed.

It was around late afternoon that Hajime began resenting the fact that he had no plans for his summer break.
He’d promised his family that he’d come visit them over the break, but he wasn’t quite in the mood to go see his old home again so soon. His parents would probably ask about if Oikawa had finally talked to him, anyway.

So Hajime busied himself by going for a run.
The hot summer heat had already spread like a wave, and despite wearing a tank top and shorts, he was sweating before he’d even sprinted a mile.

He lapped a large park down the road from his apartment a few times, and by the time evening fell, he was panting and exhausted.
Though the sun had already dipped below the tree line and cooled off the air quite a bit, Hajime’s fatigue remained. His apartment was only a few miles away, but it felt like a marathon ahead of him.

Despite almost overheating only a couple hours prior, Hajime felt goosebumps along his shoulders in the cool summer air.
Streetlights flickered on and the sidewalk was lit up by store windows and neon signs.
People began roaming the streets, dispersed chatter and droning cicadas replacing the chirping of birds.

The sidewalk leading up the hill to Hajime’s apartment had less people around it, but was well-lit with lights along the road.
Hajime’s fatigue headache protested each time he passed under a too-bright light and he began to consider laying down on the sidewalk more and more.

He hardly noticed the car next to him on the road keeping pace with his slow walking.
He’d seen it out of the corner of his eye, but assumed the driver was just being cautious of pedestrians and slowing down, but the car never passed him.

Once he realized it was following him, a chill ran down his spine and he came to a stop, unnerved. He glanced back down the hill, wondering if adrenaline would cancel out his exhaustion if he needed to run.

The car pulled up next to him and the window of the driver’s seat rolled down.
Hajime promptly took a step back, glancing back down the hill again.

“Hey,” a voice called from the car, snapping Hajime’s attention back to the driver, feeling the need to run for an entirely different reason than before. “I’ve been wanting to talk.”

Subtle, pleading brown eyes met his properly for the first time in years.
The only thing Hajime’s exhausted mind could think was when did Oikawa even get a driver’s license?

He said nothing back, just untensed his shoulders and cast his eyes down to the hill once again, wondering if Oikawa would follow him if he ignored him and took off.
He didn’t want to have this conversation. Ever, preferably, but especially not when he felt like he could collapse from exhaustion at any moment.

He knew he tended to get cranky when he was tired, and the chance of him snapping at Oikawa was high.
He wanted to put off this conversation so bad, but he was sure it would just seem like he was running away again.

“Get in, I’ll drive you home,” Oikawa offered.
As if to punctuate, Hajime heard the clunk of the car doors unlocking.

Hajime couldn’t really come up with a good excuse to say no, and maybe a deep, deep part of him secretly did want to talk.
He rounded the car, walking around to the passenger side, and got in without a word.

The silence of the car was deafening, making Hajime squirm. The click of his seat belt briefly broke it, but only for mere seconds.

To offset his nerves, he glanced around the car, wondering if Oikawa actually owned it or if he was borrowing it.
It was hard to believe Oikawa could have bought a car in the time he’d been back, but then… Hajime didn’t even know when he’d come back.

The inside of the car looked clean, despite the dried dirt on the outside bottom of the car.
It still smelled like a new car, and the radio screen was completely devoid of any dust.
The dashboard lacked any scuff marks from shoes, and the control panel in the middle shone with a defined gloss.

If Hajime was remembering correctly, they drive on the opposite side of the road in Brazil than in Japan. Oikawa drove smoothly though, seemingly having no trouble acclimating to it.

Oikawa took a turn off the road and Hajime perked up, breaking out of his evaluation of the car.

“My apartment was up that road,” Hajime murmured, pointing out the window and glancing at Oikawa’s face.

Oikawa bit his lip, and Hajime could see how his grip tightened on the steering wheel.
“You don’t mind, right? I’m just gonna lap the block,” he said softly, keeping his eyes forward. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I wanted to talk.

Hajime swallowed. He made one last ditch effort, though he knew it was pointless.
“I just got done running. I’m tired,” he answered.

“Then I’ll make it quick.”

Hajime sank down in the seat, seat belt cutting uncomfortably into his neck.
Well, he’d have to handle it sooner or later, he supposed.
He fidgeted his fingers, unsure of what to say next.

Oikawa paused, then took a deep breath.
“I didn’t expect to see you at the reunion,” he said forcibly, his tone trying to sound light, but Hajime could hear how strained it was.

Hajime scoffed, though he didn’t actually mean to. It just kind of came out of him without intention.
Still, the fact Oikawa opened with that, instead of an apology or talking about the actual issue was too incredulous to him.

Oikawa caught his huff, too; Hajime saw the way the corners of his mouth twitched in what was probably mild irritation.

Still looking forward, Oikawa continued, “My sister had a little fit when she saw me again. Takeru’s growing up so fast.”
A stiff chuckle.
“I had planned on seeing you guys when I got back, but I quickly realized I didn’t know where everyone was living now. It was kind of a blessing that the reunion happened to be right when I got back.”

Hajime tightened his jaw, twisting his hands together rigidly.

“I… don’t know if you saw me at the reunion, but I did try to talk to you. You left before I could get to you.”

Hajime almost scoffed at that, too. He thought it was pretty obvious on his part that he bailed, but he guessed that Oikawa probably knew that too and was just giving him the benefit of the doubt despite that.

A pause of silence.
Out of the corner of his eye, Hajime could see Oikawa’s throat bob as he swallowed, knuckles turning white on the steering wheel.

“Please say something, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa stressed, desperation seeping into his voice subtly.

Hajime knew it was over the second he opened his mouth and yet, he allowed himself to speak despite that.
Fire ran along his tongue as he lashed out, “What the hell do you want me to say, Oikawa?”

Oikawa flinched slightly at the outburst and Hajime struggled to reel back, lowering his voice but still glowering as he added, “You never mentioned coming back at all to me. You haven’t spoken to me in years.”
It wasn’t like Hajime had avoided Oikawa, but he decided to ignore that fact for now.

“I wasn’t sure how to-”

“Like hell you didn’t,” Hajime interrupted, balling his hands into fists to try to control his shaking.
He wasn’t sure if he was on the verge of crying or punching Oikawa. Maybe both. Probably both.

Oikawa turned off the road and parked in an empty convenience store parking lot, but kept the car on.
The quiet rumble of the running car filled the unbearable silence between them, drowned out by all the tension crackling between them.

Hajime could see him sit back in his seat, breathing slowly, visibly trying to piece together his words.
Hajime was doing the same, trying to connect sentences in his mind to make cohesive thoughts. Anger still ran through him, coating his thoughts in an acidic dye.

“I’m sorry, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa finally said quietly, under the mumble of the car.

Resentment flared up again, painting Hajime’s words with bitterness, “Imagine that. You’re sorry.”

“What do you want me to say?!” Oikawa bit back, and Hajime’s heart sank at the tone.

But he hissed with equal sharpness, “I don’t want you to say anything, you jackass!”

Oikawa threw his hands up in exasperation, arguing back, “You act all pissy like you’re waiting for an apology, and then get all defensive when I actually give you one!”

“It’s more than just saying sorry!”

“Then what is it?!” Oikawa’s tone rose, sounding more desperate, more raw, and Hajime realized in that moment that Oikawa was trying to make amends.

Hajime had tried to hold back, but his feelings were spewing out uncontrollably.
“You just disappeared for years, Oikawa! Then out of the blue, you come back and expect everything to be all, ‘Oh hey Tooru! I missed ya!’ like you never left?! Fuck that.”

Oikawa’s mouth moved like he wanted to say something, but he held himself back.
Hajime had always thought he’d feel satisfaction in erupting all his thoughts and emotions Oikawa like that, but he balled his hands into fists and tried to calm his short breath and will his wet eyes to dry.

“That’s not- I wasn’t- You were-” Oikawa mumbled, but gave up with a sharp sigh, closing his eyes and taking deep breaths at the ceiling of the car.

There was something scary seeing Oikawa take control of himself like that.

He was keeping his emotions in check, unlike Hajime. He was pulling himself back and taking a moment to calm himself and breathe.
He wasn’t the same Oikawa who bickered with Hajime about flavors of ice cream and who was the better fighter in a game.
He was really an adult, trying to make up with Hajime in an adult way.

And that terrified Hajime.

Hajime sunk back down into his seat, clutching his seatbelt, desperate to hold onto anything to tether himself to reality.
He was all choked up, unable to release the tension in his body, staring out the window, trying to blink the tears pooling in his eyes away.

He bit his lip, exhaustion catching up to him, his eyelids heavy, and he yawned.
Without another word, Oikawa put the car in reverse and backed out of the parking lot.

The silence felt overwhelming. Hajime never minded sitting in silence, especially when studying or sleeping, but it felt like it’d eat him alive inside the car.
He might have mumbled, “Can we turn on the radio?” before he dozed off, but he couldn’t remember if he’d only thought to say it, or if he actually said it.

Still, he thought he caught a low melody of a song playing as he drifted off.

“...-chan. Iwa-chan.”

Hajime blinked his eyes open slowly, briefly confused by the dim light and the low music.
For a moment, he was disoriented enough that he thought it was just a dream, fatigue clouding his groggy mind.

He glanced around the dark car, finding Oikawa’s face leaned over the console, shaking his shoulder gently.
The light of the apartment complex illuminated his face slightly, though his eyes were still cast in shadow. Hajime briefly wished he could see those eyes, just to see what expression he was wearing.

“We’re here. I think, anyway,” Oikawa murmured. “I don’t know which one you live in.”

Hajime slowly, stiffly shuffled upright, looking out the window.
His apartment complex was next to two others - the one he lived in was actually further down, but he didn’t really feel like correcting Oikawa.

“It’s the last one, but close enough,” Hajime mumbled, moving to unbuckle his seatbelt.

“Further down?” Oikawa guessed. “I can drive you.”

“‘s fine.”

Hajime popped the door open, leaning his weight onto the door to open it, still weak and sleepy.
He wasn’t even sure how long he’d dozed off. It couldn’t have been for long, considering how far the store they’d been parked at was to the complexes, but he felt like he’d slept for hours.

He let the door swing shut behind him as he pulled himself out of the car, wincing at the bright lights of the lobby of the complex, but before he could start the walk down to his complex, the sound of a window rolling down made him turn back around.

“Hey, uh… is it alright if I come by again?” Oikawa asked from the other side of the car.

Hajime was too tired to really consider it. He didn’t really care at this point.
He took a deep breath and muttered, “Sure,” over his shoulder.

He couldn’t see Oikawa’s expression, and thought briefly about turning around just to look at it, but by the time he’d mustered the courage to do so, Oikawa’s window was rolling up.

Hajime stood on the sidewalk in silence, watching Oikawa do a 3-point turn out of the parking lot.
Oikawa might have even waved at him as he left, but Hajime couldn’t quite tell through the tinted windows.

His walk down the pavement to his apartment complex was filled with hazy exhaustion, the ambiance of summer cicadas, and vague thoughts of Oikawa.

He couldn’t remember much of his walk into the lobby of his complex, nor his trudge up the stairs to the fourth floor.
He only knew that he’d somehow safely made it into his apartment and crashed onto his bed without changing.

He awoke at noon to a splitting headache and his phone pinging with new messages.

He hadn’t bothered even tucking himself under the duvet the previous night, just flopping onto his bed in his sweaty clothes and passing out like that.

Hajime rolled over, sliding off his bed and landing on the hardwood floor with a grunt.
Maybe he was more prone to oversleeping than he thought. Though, he didn’t feel well rested at all despite that.

He stood up, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and stretching his arms over his head.
All he could think about was showering, so before he did anything else, he stripped, tossed his sweaty clothes into his laundry basket, and showered thoroughly for an hour and a half.

By the time he got out and got dressed, he was slightly more awake.
As he brewed himself coffee, he stood in front of his kitchenette, blankly watching the coffee drip.

He was having a hard time deciding if everything from last night actually happened or if he just had a very vivid dream.
But thinking on it, there was no way it was a dream. He remembered how clearly he’d watched Oikawa’s face when they argued, the way it fell when Hajime retaliated.

Actually, thinking about it made Hajime’s heart sink.
The first time he’d talked to Oikawa since he came back, and they’d fought.

Even after all the things he’d wanted to tell Oikawa, about how he missed him, about how he was wondering how Oikawa had been doing, about how his parents still asked about him…

Hajime shook himself out of his thoughts to focus on pouring himself his coffee.

It had taken a long time for him to get used to the taste of coffee.
He never really enjoyed coffee, but he spent countless nights downing it for the caffeine during exam weeks, and he sort of stockholmed his taste buds into tolerating the taste.

The absence of the coffee machine’s loud sounds made Hajime squirm, so he flicked the tv on.
Some kind of murder mystery drama was on, but Hajime didn’t bother really paying attention to it. He lowered the volume so he could just have it as background noise and turned back around, glancing around his kitchen.

He briefly wondered if he’d always been so averse to silence.

He set himself to cut up some fruit for a late breakfast.
He must have zoned out as he was cutting, but the next thing he knew, he’d sliced the side of his finger.

He hissed quietly, moving his finger to his mouth to try to suck up some of the blood so it didn’t drip all over, but the cut seemed to be pretty deep.

Just as he turned to head into the bathroom, a knock split the quiet background noise of his tv, echoing throughout his apartment.
Hajime cursed under his breath, spinning back around to answer the door instead.

He held his hand so that the blood from his cut wouldn’t drip onto the floor and pulled his door open without bothering to check who it was through the eyehole.

Oikawa stood, a piece of light blue clothing folded up to his chest, scratching the back of his neck.
His eyes lit up when he saw Hajime’s face and he let out a sigh of relief.

“Oh, thank god I got the number right. I asked some of your neighbors, but I wasn’t sure,” Oikawa admitted sheepishly.

“You should have just texted me,” Hajime pointed out with a quirk of his eyebrows, narrowing his eyes.

Oikawa pouted, taking a step slightly closer in emphasis.
“I did. Like, five times. I thought you might have just been ignoring me after last night, but since I dropped you off a little ways away from your actual apartment, I couldn’t help but start worrying when you didn’t answer.”

Oh.
Hajime realized he’d never actually checked his phone when he woke up. Whoops.
That was on him, but he was a little too proud to admit that just yet.

“What are you doing here?” Hajime asked quietly.
He recalled Oikawa’s face from last night and swallowed a lump in his throat.

Oikawa held out the folded up piece of clothing.
“Uh, I came to return this. I realized I never gave it ba- wait, what happened to your hand?!”

Hajime glanced down at his hand.
Despite his best efforts to keep the blood from spilling all over his floor, it trickled down his palm, making the cut look worse than it was.

“Cut it making food,” Hajime replied.

Oikawa visibly shuddered at the sight of blood, eyes flicking around the room for ways to help.
Oikawa had always been a little queasy with blood, Hajime recalled.
He remembered a time when he’d cut his knee pretty bad while at a playground with Oikawa, and Oikawa had almost fainted at the blood gushing from his wound.

“Go get a band-aid from the bathroom,” Hajime stepped aside to let Oikawa in. “‘m gonna clean the cut.”

Oikawa scrambled, tossing the folded up piece of clothing on Hajime’s couch before shuffling down the hall.
Hajime heard him open a number of doors down the hall and realized he probably could have specified which room the bathroom was, but by the time he thought to mention, Oikawa was reappearing from the hall holding the whole box of band-aids.

Hajime took his hand from under the kitchen sink and held his hand out for a band-aid, but Oikawa frowned, looking like a lost puppy.

Hajime cleared his throat, reaching for the box, but Oikawa lightly slapped his hand away.

“Sit down, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa ordered, though he glanced around the kitchen, unsure of whether to gesture for Hajime to sit at the table, the couch, or just hop up on the counter.

Hajime rolled his eyes and opted to just sit at the kitchen table, pushing past Oikawa.
Blood pooled around the wound, and he caught the way Oikawa’s throat bobbed at the sight of it.

Hajime held his hand out again.
“Just let me do it, Oikawa. It’s not that big of a deal.”

Oikawa shook his head, determination flashing across his eyes as he knelt down and pulled a band-aid from the box.
He took his time peeling the plastic from the strip, looking fully focused.
Hajime probably would have laughed at the prospect of Oikawa’s intense face just to stick a bandage on his cut, but he decided now probably wasn’t a good time.

Oikawa delicately reached out, taking Hajime’s hand ever so carefully, like if he moved it too much, Hajime’s hand bones would just collapse.
Hajime made a strong effort not to think about Oikawa’s touch, how warm it felt, how natural it felt.

The feeling of Oikawa’s hand on his didn’t make sparks fly behind his eyelids or his heart leap ten feet in the air, but it definitely felt like… home.

...Hajime mentally slammed the pause button in his brain and instead tried to focus on literally anything else.
But of course, as if conspiring against his own body, his eyes landed on Oikawa’s face and instantly decided to study that.

Focused, gingerly wrapping the band-aid around Hajime’s finger, making sure it wasn’t too tight or too loose.
Oikawa’s almond eyes half-lidded, his eyelashes long as ever, brushing his bottom eyelid.

His hair naturally framed his face perfectly, bangs laying over the bridge of his nose and sweeping just over the top of his eyes.
Hajime remembered Oikawa had a haircut when he left all those years ago. It must have grown out a little.

Oikawa’s hair… Hajime could still remember how soft it felt.
He’d buried his face into Oikawa’s hair once, years ago, and reveled in the smell of strawberries.
Hajime wondered if Oikawa still used that shampoo.

“U-uh, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa muttered, looking up at Hajime with a startled look.

Hajime blinked, suddenly painfully aware of how he’d leaned forward and taken a few strands of Oikawa’s hair in his free hand absentmindedly.
He dropped his hand as quickly as he could, face quickly heating up.

He couldn’t even remember reaching out - was it force of habit?
Hajime stood up from the chair, shoving past Oikawa and retreating back into the kitchen, desperately trying to make sure his red face wasn’t seen.

There were a few awkward pauses as Hajime stumbled around his kitchenette, trying to remember what he was even doing before Oikawa showed up.
Once he found his bearings and went back to cutting fruit, he allowed himself to calm down a little.

“Iwa-chan, you should tuck your fingers in so you don’t cut yourself again,” Oikawa advised from behind Hajime, smug tone of voice.

Hajime snapped mildly, “I know how to use a knife, Oikawa.”

Oikawa scoffed playfully. “Could’ve fooled me.”

Hajime shot him a glare, though he took Oikawa’s advice and curled his fingers in as he began cutting.
“Did you want something, Oikawa?”

“Oh, right!” Oikawa hummed as he turned and retrieved the piece of clothing he had flung on Hajime’s couch.
Hajime could already tell what it was, but he stopped slicing fruit to let Oikawa explain it himself.
“Uh, I borrowed this forever ago and never gave it back, so…” he trailed off, holding up the hoodie.

Hajime swallowed a lump in his throat.
Though he’d mentally complained about Oikawa wearing the hoodie before, it made him bitter that Oikawa would actually return it.
It was like the official breakup to make up for the one they never had, and Hajime was a little more sore about it than he thought he’d be after about three years.

“Keep it,” Hajime muttered, hoping the strain in his throat wasn’t noticeable.
In an attempt to ease himself up, he added, “Frankly, ‘m surprised it even fits you still. You took it back in high school.”

“Well, why wouldn’t it fit me? You’re not that small, Iwa-chan.”

“You grew,” Hajime huffed, rolling his eyes, though Oikawa probably couldn’t see from the way Hajime kept his head down at the cutting board.

Oikawa paused, then muttered with a smug tone, “It’s only a few inches… you’re pretty observant.”

Hajime bit his lip, refusing to glance up at Oikawa’s face.
“It’s hard not to notice when you’re towering over me all the time.”

Oikawa scoffed a laugh, shrugging his shoulders.
Hajime heard him flop down on his couch, making himself comfortable already.

“You probably stretched my hoodie out, anyway,” Hajime added, setting his knife aside.

“It’s only a couple inches!” Oikawa repeated pointedly. “And you haven’t grown at all, have you? Are you eating properly, Iwa-chan?”

“Well, someone interrupted me while I was making food.”
He set a bowl in front of Oikawa and sat on the other end of the couch.

“Hm? What’s this?” Oikawa asked, looking down at the bowl of fruit on the coffee table in front of him.

Hajime replied, mouth full of strawberries, “What’s it look like? Fruit.”

“For me?”

“Or the ghost that lives in my apartment,” Hajime rolled his eyes sarcastically. “Yes, it’s for you. Do you need me to tell you how to eat it too?”

Though he was being prickly, Hajime knew why Oikawa was surprised. But instead of answering Oikawa’s widened eyes, he trained his gaze on the tv, still playing the murder mystery.

They sat like that, quietly eating together.
The scent of strawberries lingered in his kitchen after that.

About a week later, they were hanging out in Hajime’s apartment again.

They didn’t really discuss their fight after the reunion, but Hajime was sure they both knew they’d have to open that door eventually.
In the meantime, they spent time together casually.

Rather, Oikawa kept showing up at Hajime’s apartment and Hajime quietly made food for two.
They’d somehow fallen into a bit of a routine that almost finally felt normal.

They usually just chatted while watching tv and eating, or every now and then Oikawa would tag along with Hajime to shop for groceries.

It was mundane and domestic, but they both knew the dead end up ahead.
Still, they both ignored it and continued along the path.

“So you’re visiting your parents today?” Oikawa asked, propping his feet up on the coffee table as Hajime brought a cup of tea over.

Hajime sat down next to him, though kept a certain distance between them still.
“Yeah, later this evening. They’re probably gonna cook dinner. Wanna come?”

Oikawa sipped his tea, letting a pause hang a little, enough to make Hajime’s head turn.
There was something in his eyes that Hajime almost grasped, but Oikawa blinked before Hajime could figure it out.

“Nah,” Oikawa hummed, “My sister needs the car later, so I’m stopping by hers tonight.”

“Oh, is it hers?” Hajime asked, taking a sip of his own tea.

“Mm,” Oikawa confirmed. “It’s Touka’s old car that she gave to me, so it’s technically mine, just hers in name. She needs it tonight because her husband’s is being repaired right now, but it’ll be fixed by tomorrow.”

Hajime had a question he wanted to ask, but he wasn’t sure how to ask it without sounding rude or bringing up the whole… issue they’d been avoiding.
Oikawa seemed to notice, though.

“I didn’t really talk to Touka when I was in Brazil, either,” Oikawa admitted quietly. “She was angry when I came back too, but I think she was just glad to see me again.”

“She asked me about you when you were gone, too,” Hajime mumbled. “She was shocked to hear that you hadn’t contacted me, either.”

Hajime took note of Oikawa’s fingers squeezing the teacup’s handle despite the calm look on his face.
Whoops, Hajime thought bitterly. Awkward silence between them lingered far longer than Hajime was comfortable.

He stood up, stretching his back.
“Alright, I’m heading out. My parents are probably waiting.”
It was an hour early actually, but Hajime didn’t want to sit in tense silence any longer than he needed.

Oikawa stood up in turn. “Okay, okay. I’ll see you later, Iwa-chan.”

I’ll see you later. Hajime wondered when that had become a regular phrase between them again.

“Oh, Hajime,” Hajime’s mother caught him before he walked out the door. “Tooru’s parents were wondering if Tooru had called you lately yet. They were kind of worried.”

Hajime blinked.
“H-huh?” he asked.

His mother frowned, worried look cast on his face.
“I’m sorry, Hajime. Is it still a sore subject? It seems like he hasn't contacted his parents for a while now, so they asked me if he had talked to you at all.”

Hajime’s mind was stuttering, and he blankly answered, “Uh, yeah… he’s, uh, doing fine. I think.”

His mother’s face lit up and he smiled.
“Oh, that’s good! I know you were worried about him not calling you for a while. I’m glad you two are back to being friends again. I’ll let his parents know.”

She dipped back into the house and Hajime stood in the entrance for a moment, dumbfounded.
Surely, there was an explanation that - same as always - Oikawa had neglected to tell him.

Maybe there was a bit of relief in knowing that Oikawa’s parents weren’t even aware of his return. It meant that Hajime wasn’t the only one left in the dark.
Still, a part of him was conflicted.

Why would Oikawa contact his sister but not his parents?
As far as Hajime knew, Oikawa never had a complicated relationship with his parents. They supported him wholeheartedly in volleyball and his decision to study abroad.

It bothered Hajime, but he set it aside for another day.
He thought back to the night he and Oikawa had argued after the reunion. They had left things there, but he knew they’d eventually have to work through it.

Unless they just… didn’t.
They only had a couple more weeks left of summer. If Hajime never brought it up, Oikawa would just go back to Brazil and then… what?

The only reason they were hanging out now was because Oikawa was around.
When Oikawa went back, they’d be on their own again, everything would go back to normal, and...

Would they mirror the first time, keeping in touch for a short time only for it to blow out again?
Hajime had a feeling that if they didn’t rip open the bag of emotions before then, that’s definitely what would happen.

Summer suddenly seemed much, much shorter than it actually was.
Hajime always did dread the end of summer.

“Hey, Iwa-chan. Wanna go driving around with me today?”

Hajime blinked himself awake, squinting through the rays of sun that cast over his bed and landed perfectly in his eyes.

Of the things that had suddenly changed over the summer for him, he didn’t particularly care for these early morning calls that Oikawa had started doing.
Most of the time, it was just to ask what Hajime’s plans were for the day or to ask him if he was awake (and he would call over and over until Hajime did wake up if he wasn’t).

Hajime mumbled groggily, his phone set on the pillow next to him on speaker, “Huh? Why?”

Oikawa scoffed on the other end.
“What do you mean why? You don’t want to?”

Hajime rubbed his eyes, yawning, “Go driving where? What’s the point?”

“You’re so negative. It’s just to hang out. Got nothing better to do, right?”

“We don’t have that much to talk about… What’s the point?” Hajime repeated.

“We don’t have to talk. The point is to just hang out, Iwa-chan. Friends do that - hang out,” Oikawa joked sarcastically.

“Ouch,” Hajime mumbled flatly under his breath half-heartedly.

“Huh?”

“Nothing,” Hajime sat up, stretching his arms over his head. “Fine, whatever. I’ll get dressed. Be here in 20. Any later and I’m not going.”

“Why are you calling the shots? I’m the one who invited you!”

Hajime really didn’t understand the appeal of just driving around in a car with the windows rolled down in the middle of the summer heatwave, but Oikawa seemed pretty pleased about it.

The open windows made the car hot, but the wind filled the silence between them when their brief chatter didn’t.
It made the space between them more bearable, though Hajime couldn’t help but think about just that - the space between them.

The space between them before summer began was so large that Hajime couldn’t even see Oikawa.
Now, there was still a space but Oikawa was in view.

He wondered if he should be happy the space closed, even for a little, over the summer.
Though, if Oikawa went back, it’d just grow bigger, maybe even bigger than it was before.
Maybe Hajime was a little scared of that.

“I guess I forgot to ask, but what are you studying these days, Iwa-chan?” Oikawa suddenly asked as they drove through a neighborhood that Hajime didn’t recognize.

“Sports science,” Hajime answered curtly.
He didn’t mean to be so sharp, but he was caught up in his thoughts.

Oikawa chuckled softly, maybe a little nervously due to the tone, “Really? Huh.”

“What?” Hajime pressed, shaking his thoughts and glancing over at Oikawa.

“I just… hm,” Oikawa shook his head, as if holding something back.

Hajime felt a twinge of irritation. Maybe the heat had gotten to him.
“What?”

Oikawa’s fingers squeezed the steering wheel and he looked forward as he replied, “I just thought you would have done something… more.”

“Excuse me?”
Maybe the heat had gotten to them both.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Iwa-chan. You’ve always been a smart and really stable person, you know. I always thought you’d fit an officer or something like that,” Oikawa’s chuckle wavered.

Hajime frowned.
A “stable person”? Hajime thought back to the past couple of years he’d spent aimlessly wandering through life, conflicted and facading his emptiness at Oikawa’s absence.
It was a blow to his pride to admit, but he was anything but stable the past couple of years, no matter how much he tried to present the opposite.

“You thought wrong, I guess,” Hajime answered sharply, pointing his gaze out the window, the wind dying down and creating silence between them once again.

“Wake up on the wrong side of the bed?” Oikawa half-joked.
It was maybe a feeble attempt to lighten the mood, but Hajime picked up on the biting edge of it.

The car suddenly felt claustrophobic. The space between them suddenly seemed so small that it was suffocating.
They didn’t feel oceans apart right now, they felt right up next to each other, pushed and shoved together unwillingly.
The heat didn’t help the stuffy feeling, only made Hajime’s tongue hotter.

“I just don’t like that you’re assuming things about parts of my life you weren’t in,” Hajime hissed. “If you forgot somehow, you left for three years.”

Contrary to his submissive attitude before, Oikawa shot back immediately, “Sorry that I was off trying to make something of myself.”

“What, and I wasn’t?” Hajime growled, whipping his head around to glare at Oikawa. “Don’t act all high and mighty just because you went overseas.”

There had been a certain measure of calmness to Oikawa’s arguing up until now.
Hajime had feared before that Oikawa was all grown up, dealing with arguments with a calm, adult attitude, but it seemed the heatwave had melted that away this time.

Oikawa spat back, “You can not keep acting like I’m the villain here, Hajime. You tell me that you think it’s good that I leave, and then throw a tantrum when I do. Have you even asked at all what happened, why I came back? You say that you don’t like it when I assume things about parts of your life that I wasn’t in; the same goes for me, too.”

Hajime could feel his throat choking up, the silence between them threatening to swallow them up, the space between them squeezing them together so tight it felt like they’d burst.
It was his turn to back down. He didn’t have a good retort, anyway.

They drove back without conversation in crushing silence.
The summer heat felt stale and tasted salty.

Hajime didn’t have the heart to ask to turn on the radio.

They were both stubborn. Incessantly so.
They had been when they were kids, and it seemed they were even now.

Hajime may have been a little more stubborn when it came to the two of them.
When they were kids and they had gotten into fights, it was almost always Oikawa who cracked and apologized first.

He would put up a defiant front, announcing that he’d never forgive Hajime, but by the next day, he’d be knocking on Hajime’s door with an awkward sorry.

Over the years, Hajime had learned to just let Oikawa handle the apologizing, and he would handle the making up.
He was better at doing subtle gestures as apologies rather than apologizing upfront, anyway.

The time he’d broken Oikawa’s souvenir snowglobe by accident, he’d apologized by crafting a makeshift one out of a clear plastic ornament, some bits of confetti, and a couple small toy fish.

Hajime never quite nailed the full “openly apologizing” thing. He rarely had to, with how quick Oikawa would give in and apologize instead.
Even as an adult, he found apologizing upfront awkward and clunky.

He never really liked being apologized to, either, though.
What was the conversation supposed to be? “I’m sorry”, “It’s okay”, and then what? It was always awkward and embarrassing for both parties.

It felt clunky to give apologies and to receive them, so he tried to avoid it as much as possible.
Though, with being friends with Oikawa, that was much harder to do than say.

The looming deadline of the end of summer pushed him, though.
Hajime figured this was one of the times he’d have to suck it up and give in first.

Hajime sent a text at 7 AM.
Come over.

Oikawa’s reply came almost an hour later, while Hajime was pouring himself coffee.
Busy.

Hajime clicked his tongue at that.
Well, Oikawa was always pretty bad at lying, even over text.
Liar. If you don’t come over, I’ll just go to your place.

That was probably a bit unfair on his part, he knew.
Oikawa didn’t know that Hajime had found out about his parents, after all.
Any leg up though, Hajime thought.

Geez, you’re so pushy… fine, I’m coming.

“Look, Iwa-chan, I don’t- gwah?!” Oikawa yelped as Hajime flung the peace offering at his face as soon as the door was open.
Oikawa fumbled with the packet for a bit, trying not to drop it before grasping it and gazing down to see what it was.

Hajime took the time Oikawa was using to decipher the text on the packet to speak, “Summer sucks. It’s hot as hell this year, and I don’t usually have to deal with this much stress during a break where I should be relaxing.”

Oikawa looked up from the milk bread packet with wide, bewildered eyes.
They were still in the doorway, but Hajime silently prayed that none of his neighbors caught them.

“The last thing I want to do is end this summer fretting over stupid things. Happy birthday, idiot.”

Oikawa blinked blankly, head slightly tilted, completely baffled.

Hajime finally stepped aside to let Oikawa into his apartment, but Oikawa was still befuddled, caught between staring at the packet of milk bread and at Hajime’s face.

“I’m gonna close the door if you don’t come in,” Hajime warned flatly.

Oikawa’s face relaxed, then he smiled softly.
He stepped into the apartment as he began unwrapping the bread.
Through a mouthful of bread, he hummed, “You know the drinking age in Brazil is 18? My team invited me to go drinking with them on my 19th birthday and I thought they were crazy.”

“What, you wanna go drinking today?” Hajime guessed. “It’s your birthday. I’ll be nice and treat you to whatever, if that’s what you want.”

Oikawa grinned, licking his lips.
“I don’t wanna drink. I’m already satisfied.”

Hajime scoffed. “Surely there’s something else you want.”

“You’re being awfully thoughtful today.”

Hajime sucked in his breath and let out a heavy sigh.
He turned to Oikawa and faced him properly.

“Sorry,” he said clearly, plainly.
It sounded awkward and cheesy, and he inwardly cringed at how it sounded.

Still, even if he hated outright apologies, Oikawa didn’t.
He figured he owed it to Oikawa to meet him halfway on this.

Oikawa’s eyes widened in surprise, but only for a few seconds.
A look crossed his face that Hajime missed the opportunity to really observe.
“Geez, you’re kinda scary with you apologize,” he joked, lightly punching Hajime in the shoulder. “You’ve grown, huh?”

Hajime furrowed his brows indignantly.
“You’re the one that grew,” he grumbled.

“Well!” Oikawa stretched his arms over his head, exclaiming airily. “I’ll have you treat me to lunch for the trouble, then. You’d probably find some other way to treat me if I didn’t, anyway.”

Hajime decided it was better if he didn’t admit that his backup plan was to drag Oikawa to his favorite ramen place if the bread didn’t work.
Not that he thought it wouldn’t, Oikawa was pretty easy to crack.

Maybe he’d gotten better at apologizing without the awkwardness, he thought.

“Hey, Oikawa,” Hajime spoke up as they ate dinner together a couple days later.

“Mh?” Oikawa asked through a mouthful of rice, eyes focused on the quiz show on tv.
He’d spent the past thirty minutes trying to guess the answers before the contestants, and he hadn’t gotten a single one right so far.

Hajime prodded, “Did you not tell your parents you came back?”

Oikawa froze, mid-chew.

A ding came from the tv as a contestant answered a question correctly. Oikawa had gotten that one wrong, too.

Hajime spoke slowly, “The other day, my mom told me you hadn’t been contacting your parents lately and that they were worried. She asked if I had heard from you.”

“...What did you tell her?” Oikawa asked instead, swallowing.

“I told her that you had, and that it sounded like you were doing fine. That’s it,” Hajime answered.

Oikawa sat back in his seat with a defeated look on his face.
“I have my reasons for not telling them. I asked my sister not to say anything either. As long as they’re not worried about me, it’s okay if they don’t know that I’m back. Please don’t tell them yet.”

“But why?”

“I have my reasons,” Oikawa repeated pointedly. “I don’t wanna talk about it right now.”

The host of the tv show asked another question, this one about a popular kids show.
Oikawa perked up, ready to come up with an answer.

Hajime sighed, ready to relent, but a new thought popped into his head.
“Wait. If you haven’t told your parents that you’re back… where are you staying right now, Oikawa?”

Oikawa turned back to Hajime with a hesitant expression and poked at his food, missing his chance to get the trivia question wrong before the answer was revealed.

“Touka’s?” Hajime guessed, though he recalled that Touka’s house wasn’t all that big.

“I didn’t wanna bother her,” Oikawa shook his head.
He fidgeted his fingers as he avoided eye contact. “Uh, I’ve just been living out of my car. I don’t have a job right now, so it’s not like I can stay at a hotel or anything.”

Hajime knitted his eyebrows together, frowning.

Oikawa quickly lifted his head and reassured, “I know, I know. I’m looking for places to stay.”

“Oikawa, why don’t you just stay here?” Hajime pressed, confused as to why Oikawa didn’t just do that in the first place.
He’d already come by all the time for meals anyway.

“What? I couldn’t bother you with that.”

“You mooch off my food all the time anyway.”

“That’s… different.”

Hajime rolled his eyes. “Fine, let me rephrase. Oikawa, just stay here. I’m not asking.”

Oikawa blinked, but let out a laugh.
“Geez, Iwa-chan. You’re still pretty motherly, huh?”
He smiled softly, but it was quickly replaced with a smug expression.
“Although I admit, I do feel a little bad that you’re letting me use your bed-”

“Nice try. You’re sleeping on the couch, you leech,” Hajime grunted with a pointed glare.

“Aww, you’re no fun.”

In the end, Oikawa only got one answer correct and he bragged about it all night, saying how he should have been on the quiz show.
Hajime threw a pillow in his face to shut him up.

The final week of summer loomed over Hajime’s head.

The last thing he wanted to do was bring things up on the last day. If it all ended badly with a fight and Oikawa left like that, they’d be on a straight path to where they were before.

Oikawa hadn’t given a date for when he’d head back, but Hajime imagined it was safe to assume it would be near the end of the week.

So Tuesday morning, he quietly woke up early and prepared breakfast for Oikawa, just to ease him up.
He’d never been one to try to butter someone up before confronting them, but he figured he could make exceptions just this once.

Oikawa sat up from the couch, hair unstyled and tangled, falling messily over his face, drawn by the smell of breakfast.

“It’s rare to see you up before me,” Oikawa noted as he wandered over to the kitchenette.

Hajime mumbled from in front of the stove, “Guess I was just extra perky today.”

Oikawa hopped up onto the counter, letting his long legs dangle.
He wore a borrowed t-shirt and shorts, and Hajime made sure to keep his eyes fixed on the stove.

Even though Hajime stared down at the pan of scrambled eggs, he could feel Oikawa’s eyes on him.
He got the feeling Oikawa was waiting on something. Either to say something himself, or for Hajime to say something.

He got the feeling Oikawa was thinking the same as him, that they should really dig into the dirt by now, but neither really seemed willing to get the shovels out.

“Hey, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa hummed, kicking his legs lightly.

“Mm,” Hajime grunted in acknowledgement, turning the burner down simply to do something with his hands.

“Wanna go on a drive today?”

Hajime turned the pan, shuffled the eggs around, turned the burner back up, anything to distract himself even slightly.
“What for?”
Their last drive hadn’t quite ended well, after all.

There was a pause, and Hajime knew that Oikawa was making the push. In the metaphorical shed, or whatever.

“To talk.”

Hajime stole a glance at him and found Oikawa’s eyes, ready and sharp, already trained on his like he was waiting.

The heat of the stove was starting to make Hajime sweat, so he turned the burner down once again.
“Okay,” he answered brusquely.

And that was it.
They ate breakfast with sparse chatter and after they cleaned the dishes and got changed, they loaded into Oikawa’s car.

They drove around town for hours without any actual talking.
The windows were down, the air was hot, the wind filled the silence. It was all the same, though Hajime didn’t feel suffocated… yet.

Oikawa took a road on the way out of town and Hajime glanced at him.

“Where exactly are we going?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Oikawa rolled his eyes, though there was no malice in the action.
“You should get your licence, Iwa-chan. You’d probably understand then.”

Hajime grunted in response, half offended.

“Just chill out,” Oikawa said airily, “Sometimes it’s nice to just drive around like this.”

Hajime really didn’t get it, but he relented, averting his gaze to the scenery outside, settling himself back into his thoughts.

Without a word, Oikawa leaned over and turned the radio on, and Hajime held back a smile.

They spent the day just driving around like that.
They stopped at convenience stories for the bathroom, snacks, and to stretch, and then they were back on the road, driving around aimlessly.

They drove into the Yamagata prefecture, though they didn’t stop anywhere in particular to sightsee.
A couple times, they got slightly lost by taking a wrong turn, and they’d have to consult the GPS for directions back to familiar roads.

And once the sun began to set, Oikawa began the drive back home.

They ended up not talking about anything all that much. They’d chat about the sights or places they’d been to or wanted to go to in the future.
Oikawa explained some of the customs and sights to see in Brazil, even taught Hajime a very small bit of Spanish that he forgot almost immediately.

Still, Hajime missed his opportunity to bring anything up, and by the time the sky was pink and stars were beginning to glow under the last of the sun’s rays, he had all but given up on the day.

Just outside of Miyagi, Oikawa stopped on the side of the road and stepped out of the car.
Hajime watched from inside the car as he hopped up onto the hood and climbed up even further onto the roof of the car.

Hajime followed him out of the car, quirking his eyebrows as he asked, “Uh, what are we doing?”

“The stars are out,” Oikawa chirped with a grin, pointing up to the sky as if it weren’t clear.

“So’s mosquitos,” Hajime huffed, waving his hand around to emphasize.

“Stop being a wet blanket. Get up here,” Oikawa goaded, patting the roof of the car.

Hajime sighed, clumsily climbing up onto the roof, the metal popping and clanking as he did.
Once he was on top of the roof, Oikawa scooted over to let his legs hang off the side as Hajime tucked his legs to his chest.

Once dispelling his incredulousness at the prospect of stargazing on the side of the road in the middle of summer, he gazed up at the sky.
He hadn’t been out away from towns in a while, and he’d forgotten just how… big the sky was.

It was impossibly big, stretching out farther and farther than he could imagine.
And stars sprinkled the purple sky, more than he could ever count.

He thought about how big the sky was, how it covered the whole world.
It would be midday in Brazil, and their sky would be bright and blue.

“Better than the fake ones, huh?” Hajime mumbled under his breath.

“Hm?”

“Remember those stars you stuck to my ceiling when we were kids?”

Oikawa laughed, and Hajime thought about how it sounded.
“What a sentimental thing to say. I guess even you get nostalgic.”

Oikawa leaned back and his torso fell onto Hajime’s shoulder.
Hajime took a deep breath, eyes fixed on the sky above them, heart surprisingly stable.

“I was really scared, you know,” Hajime said softly, his own voice sounding so small in comparison to the sky’s expanse. “You really looked like a grown up.”

“You? Calling me a grown up?” Oikawa joked, chuckling.

Hajime rolled his eyes, elbowing Oikawa’s back.
“You grew taller, and you were so calm when I was screaming in your face. I thought to myself, ‘Oikawa’s really an adult now’.”

“Were you worried I had grown up without you?” Oikawa sneered playfully.

“Yeah.”
Hajime answered honestly.
“You were always a couple steps ahead of me. I figured you would, but it was scary to see.”

“I’m not going to outgrow you, you know,” Oikawa chuckled, then added with a snort, “Metaphorically, anyway.”

Hajime probably would have shot a glare at Oikawa for that one had he not been mesmerized by the stars.
He watched as an airplane light blinked among the stars.
“Why did you come back home?”

A pause. The silence didn’t really bother him with Oikawa this close, though.

“I hit a bit of a wall. It’s frustrating, but there’s some really good players outside of Japan. I didn’t have you there to remind me that I was good, even if I knew it deep down. I felt lost, I guess. I needed to clear my head, but after going to the reunion, I was too ashamed to go see anyone else. Everyone was so happy for me when I left, and they even welcomed me back. I felt like I let them down by coming home with my tail tucked between my legs. My parents, and especially you.”

Hajime shifted, unraveling his legs and letting them lay over the windshield of the car.
“I thought it would be better for you to take the opportunity you’d been given, but I guess I wasn’t prepared for your absence.”
Normally, Hajime would never admit something like that aloud, but it came naturally this time.

“You and me both, it seems,” Oikawa shrugged with a short chuckle. “I wanted you to say no when I asked you about leaving, you know.”

“I know,” Hajime answered regretfully. “But I was thinking of you, too.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter now,” Oikawa shrugged. “I probably wouldn’t have grown at all otherwise.”

“What’s your plan now?” Hajime asked.

Oikawa shifted, leaning his head on Hajime’s shoulder, and his hair brushed Hajime’s cheek slightly.
“I’ve been thinking about that,” Oikawa answered. “I should probably start by visiting my parents.”
He joked with a soft laugh, “The thought of flying back doesn’t really fill me with dread anymore, so…”

Hajime snorted, slapping at a mosquito on his arm.
They sat in silence for a while, and despite cicadas and wind offering to fill the silence, Hajime didn’t really mind it anymore.

“Hey, Tooru?” Hajime murmured.

“Yes?”

Oikawa shifted again, and his head fell into Hajime’s lap.
Their eyes met, and lingered.

“Do you regret that we had that fling back in senior year?”

“Nope. Do you?”

“Not at all.”

“What do you think?”

“I think I want to kiss your stupid face.”

“Then do it.”

Hajime leaned down and Oikawa closed his eyes in anticipation.
They kissed once, briefly, before Oikawa sat up and they closed the space between them and kissed as if they were starved.

In a way, they were.

Hajime’s hands carded through Oikawa’s hair, tugging at his roots, trying to pull him ever closer.
He even had to crane his neck ever so slightly upwards. Stupid height.

Oikawa cupped Hajime’s face, and Hajime didn’t think anything else could ever make him melt so quickly.
Hajime hardly even registered the tongue Oikawa had slipped in past his teeth until he felt it slide against his.

They held each other so tightly, Hajime thought their arms might fall off. But they didn’t let go for even a second.

Hajime couldn’t remember their kisses feeling this good before.
Absence makes the heart fonder, or something like that.

Though the sun had far dipped below the treeline, it was hot.
Mosquito bites covered Hajime’s legs.

Summer was coming to an end, but Hajime didn’t feel all that sad about it.

“Wonder if I should try the abroad thing,” Hajime wondered aloud as he clicked his seatbelt.

Oikawa shifted the gear as he replied, “It’s a little late for that, isn’t it? You’re already three years in.”

Hajime shrugged. “Never too late.”

“Where to?” Oikawa asked as he merged back onto the road. “And why?”

“I’ll figure it out,” Hajime replied. “I feel like if I don’t do something big like that, I really will get left behind.”

Oikawa scoffed, “Well, now’s your perfect opportunity to catch up, then.”

Hajime let out a gentle laugh.
He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed this much.

They held hands over the console. It was such a cheesy and couple-y thing to do, Hajime would probably groan in embarrassment about it later.

He figured there were still things they needed to patch up between them eventually, but right now, he didn’t mind shoving it aside.

Oikawa squeezed his hand.
“We’ve got a couple days left of summer. We should go on a road trip again somewhere before I go back,” Oikawa offered. “Just to hang out and stuff.”

Hajime scoffed lightly, running the pads of his fingers over Oikawa’s knuckles.
“What would we even talk about?”

Oikawa shrugged. “We can turn the radio on.”

Hajime whipped his head around, looking out the window to hide a smile that he couldn’t hold back.
“Fine. But next time, we’re bringing bug spray.”