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Interviewer: How about your relationship with Bakugou Katsuki? You and him have a shared history. You entered UA Academy together, and you were very close at the time, isn’t that right?
The pro hero Deku visibly flinches and steels himself.
Deku: Kacch– Bakugou was my best friend, yeah. Not that I was his. I… followed him, you know. He had a strong personality, and I liked that. Not that I liked how he acted. I just, you know, I wished to be a bit more like him. I hadn’t developed much of a personality yet.
He laughs a little, to defuse some of the tension. His face turns somber again, a moment later.
Deku: Sometimes I– I wish I’d been there, you know? Helping take him down. Not that I could have, I was– there was too much in there for me to act rationally, to do the right thing. He might have used that against us.
He pauses for a moment and takes a breath.
Deku: It took me a long time and a lot of help to realize what he’d been doing to me. I don’t think I’d have gotten out of that situation if it wasn’t for my friends pulling me out of there. They never– they waited for me. They waited for me to call for help, and the second I did, they pulled me out and kept me safe. They couldn’t do anything else. Bakugou would have gotten in their way otherwise. I would have gotten in their way.
He’s restless now. He keeps fidgeting with his fingers, as if he was holding a pen and trying to write with it.
Deku: I tried to help him so much after he got kicked out. Get him back on his feet, find him a good job, something he’d like. Something he’d be comfortable with. I never got any thanks, I never– it felt like he was pushing back against my help, you know? He definitely didn’t want to be helped, but I couldn’t just watch him rot. I felt like I owed him. But I’d come visit him at his house with a packed lunch, or some job advert, and he would– well, he didn’t hit me at first, at first it was just the same old stuff. Insults, rejections. I didn’t stop coming because I thought I could make him come around.
He bites his lip, taking a deep breath.
Deku: You know, victims of abuse tend to think that they can fix their abusers. They try to cure them of their depression, of their anger issues, or their whatever mental illnesses, if they just keep helping them. I wasn’t quite like that. I just wanted to help him get back on his feet. I wanted him to go back to the way he was, back to normal.
He laughs again, this time with a lot more strain on his voice.
Deku: Now it’s weird to think that I wanted him to go back to that. It was a really fucked-up “normal.” Him abusing anyone he wanted, and getting away with it. Just thinking of the amount of times I helped him get away with it…
He looks up at the interviewer, eyes almost pleading. She doesn’t respond, but nods. She can tell this is not her moment to intrude in on.
Deku: He never cared about helping people, you know? He just wanted to be the best. He wanted others to admire him, I think. That’s– I mean, a lot of heroes get into it just for the fame, but they at least pretend to want to help people. And they do, they do some amazing work. But he– he didn’t just not care, he didn’t want to. It was never selfless. If he helped you, you were supposed to be indebted to him and treat him like a God. If you helped him, he’d turn on you like you’d insulted him.
He furrows his brows, looking down.
Deku: I mean, looking back, of course it’s almost too obvious how he ended up where he ended up. He just wanted people’s attention. He wanted to be special, number one, need no one’s help.
His lips form a tight line.
Deku: And never give anything back.
After a few breaths, he calms down enough to keep talking.
Deku: I blamed myself when he started doing… that. I thought that I was the one who was keeping him sane, the one who had to help him back up. Him turning villainous right after my friends took me away from him just confirmed that in my head. I knew what he’d been doing to me, but I– I wanted to go out and be with him again, if it meant that he would stop.
He opens and clenches his right fist several times. The hand is misshapen, and scarred.
Deku: I’m no stranger to taking the brunt for others. I intended to just… keep the pain he was inflicting contained to me, you know? So he wouldn’t hurt others. Well… so he wouldn’t have to face consequences. I was scared of him going to jail. I thought he didn’t deserve it. I mean, obviously he did, but it was like school all over again. I was trying to help him get away with it. If he just hit me, if he just did this to me, I could keep it contained. He didn’t have to take the fall.
His right hand shifts to grab onto his left. Onto a ring he’s wearing on his left hand, in fact.
Deku: I would have gone back to him that night. I would probably have ended up helping him. Just not… helping everyone else. Shoto kept me home. He seriously was my rock. I cried for a week after Urara– Uravity, Ingenium and Red Riot contained him and he was sentenced to jail. Red Riot and I, we– He was very close to Kacchan–
He consciously stops himself. A deep breath.
Deku: – to Bakugou as well. We spent a lot of time together, him, me and Shoto. Just stayed in the house. Uravity still doesn’t like to talk about that time, it was– there was so much tension, so much dread in that house. It was palpable. But being together, it helped us. Knowing that Riot and I had gone through something similar helped us connect to the others. It felt like the others’ help was on the other side of a glass at first, we just– we couldn’t believe it. We didn’t want to believe what they were saying to help us, what they were saying to untangle us from Bakugou. But we were both on the same side of the glass. And we wanted to help each other too. We couldn’t not do that.
He stops again. His tension is less focused, and it slowly defuses as he breathes.
Deku: Sorry, that got away from me.
He smiles, apologetically.
Deku: If you print any of this, make sure you print this part too. Please don’t let anyone become your only friend. Please, have other people to lean on. It saved me, and it can save you. My friends weren’t wearing their costumes when they saved my life.
He smiles. It’s more hopeful this time. Like he’s at peace.
Deku: Sorry, sorry. Next question?