Chapter Text
Fenrir didn’t exactly know when his feelings for Ray started. He lost count of how many months, or possibly years, he had been dismissing the pounding of his heart as he looked at Ray. He only knew that, recently, it had become really, really hard to ignore. The simple act of being within eye-shot of Ray made him feel as though he was about to burst, and because of this, it had become increasingly hard to act normal around him. Fenrir had always been a smooth, and capable person, but being around Ray this past week had made him break a glass and deliver battle plans in an unintelligible fashion. Ray had clearly noticed and had been bugging Fenrir the past couple of days, making sure he was feeling okay and reassuring him that if he needed time off it could be arranged. Little did Ray know, the simple act of asking him if he was okay made Fenrir fall even harder in love and made his heart pound even faster.
It was training drill time for the Black Army, and Fenrir was sitting down for a break. The king had taken over instructing the soldiers a little while ago, so of course, he couldn’t take his eyes off of Ray. Ray’s graceful yet skilled movements, his confidence and the way his shirt clung to him in the heat, all took Fenrir’s breath away. He saw Ray momentarily make eye contact with him, forcing his eyes away as he didn’t want the king catching on to what he was thinking or feeling. Not that he would, of course, as Fenrir watched the soldiers train every day, so technically it wasn’t that weird to stare at Ray.
When he felt it was safe enough, Fenrir slowly moved his eyes back to Ray, only to be met with Ray heading in his direction. Fuck. Maybe he noticed. Maybe he knew. Maybe the feelings he was trying to hide were a lot more obvious than Fenrir thought they were. Maybe he should run away from the Black Army and never look back. While planning his possible escape route, Ray stopped just in front of where Fenrir was sitting.
“You usually don’t take this long of a break.” Ray said, making eye contact with Fenrir yet again. There was no judgement in hsi voice; just concern. “Are you alright?”
Fenrir thought he was about to combust, but forced himself to maintain eye contact. He realised Ray was right. His breaks usually only lasted 10 or so minutes, but he had no idea how long he'd been staring at Ray. His heart lurched at the thought that Ray was worried about him. However, as much as Fenrir loved that Ray seemed worried, he had no idea how to answer Ray’s question, because as much as he wanted to say, ‘you’re right, I lost track of time because I got distracted staring at you because I’m so in love with you’, he couldn't. He quickly searched his thoughts for an answer, trying to think of a serious, non-worrying excuse for sitting down this long.
“I… have a headache?” Fenrir began, his reply sounding more like a question rather than an answer. Real smooth, Fenrir.
Ray looked at him, obviously confused. It was clear to him that Fenrir didn’t have a headache, but Ray couldn’t figure out what was actually wrong. Fenrir seemed just as uneasy as he had been the last few days, but nothing stuck out to him as to why. However, he also knew Fenrir wouldn't sit down this long without a genuine reason. Ray stared at him for another moment before he replied.
“Oh. Then why are you still sitting here? Go have something to eat and have some actual rest. I can finish up here.” Although Ray would've prefered figuring out what was wrong, he knew he had more important things to focus on right now. He could press Fenrir later.
“No, see, I’m fine!” Fenrir’s nerves kicked in yet again, and this time he forced himself up from the ground, as if standing up would make his really bad lie go away. He beemed a fake smile at Ray. “I can still help out, just let me-“
Ray cut him off.
“I mean it, Fenrir. Go.” This time Ray’s tone made it sound more like an order rather than a suggestion.
Fenrir really didn’t want to leave, but raised his hands to his sides to show he wasn’t going to fight it this time. Maybe getting away from Ray for even just a little bit would calm his nerves, if only for a little while. Being this close to his was suffocating, after all.
“If you need anything Ray-“ Fenrir began, but was abruptly cut off by Ray.
“I know. Go.” Ray ordered again, this time turning away from Fenrir to begin walking back to the training field. “And I mean it, rest.” He said, walking away. Ray didn't know if rest was going to help or not, but he had a feeling Fenrir being away from people and duties might be good for him right now.
Fenrir dropped his hands and turned around to walk inside the headquarters. As soon as he was out of view of the training field, he pushed his back against a wall and dropped to a squatting position. He put his head in his hands, the awkward interaction he just had with Ray running over and over again in his head. Jesus fuck. He knew he was acting weird, but that conversation proved it was getting a little bit out of hand. Fenrir needed to bottle up his feelings again. He had to. He lived and breathed the same air as Ray every single day. There was no escape. He couldn’t ruin their friendship or work relationship because he didn’t know how to control his feelings. He just couldn’t. He needed to move on with his life before ge ruined everything between them. He sighed to himself deeply, feelings of embarssment washing over him. --------
Back on the training field, Sirius had been carefully watching Fenrir and Ray talk, watching their faces as he wasn't close enough to hear the conversation. When Ray was done and back to training the soldiers, Sirius slowly made his way over to him, curious about what he had just witnessed. Their faces alone did not give too much away, though Fenrir did seem a bit tense. Ray acknowledge Sirius’ presence with a nod.
“I was spying on you, you know?” Sirius began, staring at the soldiers training in front of them. He folded his arms, standing close to Ray so that none of the soldiers would overhear them.
“Yeah. I know.” was all Ray replied, as he was still racking his head over what just happened. He just wished that Fenrir would come clean already.
“So then, did you figure it out? What’s wrong with Fenrir?” asked Sirius. Everyone had noticed Fenrir's behaviour - Seth, Luka, Sirius. They were all equally worried, but none of them knew how to approach the Ace and ask whats wrong either.
“Mm, I don’t know. I think I’m even more confused than I was before.” Replied Ray, a worried sigh escaping his lips. "He said he had a headache, but he was lying." Sirius sighed with him.
Ray cared deeply for Fenrir. Fenrir had always been there when he needed it, no matter what. It hurt him in a strange way to see his friend act distant and jittery. At times, it had even felt like Fenrir was avoiding him. Whenever he would speak to Fenrir, there was obvious tension, and avoidance, just like today. Ray had thought maybe he had somehow offended him, but couldn’t recall having any type of negative interaction with him. But, why else would Fenrir avoid him? Why else would Fenrir not answer him truthfully when asked if he was okay?
Ray never wanted to lose the relationship he shared with him and had at times began thinking that maybe he wanted more. Of course, he was foolish for thinking this. There was no way his feeling would be reciprocated by Fenrir. They were best friends, that’s all. Or, at least, Ray still hoped they were best friends.