Chapter Text
A Christmas Poem by Wendy Cope
At Christmas little children sing and merry bells jingle,
The cold winter air makes our hands and faces tingle
And happy families go to church and cheerily they mingle
And the whole business is unbelievably dreadful,
if you're single.
*
An espresso.
Simple, strong, full-flavoured.
Powerful.
That’s order one, thankfully the easiest of the lot. Blaine’s grateful that Rachel has taken the large group of high school girls’ orders because of course, they’ve all had to order cinnamon and spice frappuccinos with extra cream, and there are seven of them, and Blaine doesn’t think that after the day he’s had he can handle all of that.
First of all, it’s a Thursday, and Blaine hates Thursdays, it’s just like someone invented them so Friday comes even slower, mocks you in its wake. It started out okay, though - he went to his first class, which was fine. Chatted with a boy named Sam who sits next to him sometimes - he’s always got interesting little things to say, such as ‘Dude, doesn’t it just like, blow your mind that flies are so tiny and they can still fit like, all their digestive systems in there and stuff?’ and ‘did you know dolphins are the only other animal apart from humans that actually enjoy sex?’ which puts a lighter mood on his hour-long lecture with Professor Smith on Food Studies and how GM crops are modifying the way we eat today (which normally completely drags) .
This changed, however, when his awful business studies teacher (who is completely biased) sent his essay back with only a C when he thought it was worth at least a B and checked it over hundreds of times. After that, he realised he left his uniform for work (he normally changes into it before he leaves his last class) at home, meaning he had to get the subway back to pick it up, then the subway was delayed, making him arrive at work nearly half an hour later than normal and already exhausted.
So yeah, Rachel really does owe him one this time.
Next order is for an old man with very curly grey hair: A gingerbread hot chocolate. This one is pretty easy to make - only a few simple steps - pour the milk into the milk jug, mix with some gingerbread hot chocolate powder, steam until hot.
It’s a craft, you see, making coffee. To be a good barista it really does take years of practice.
It’s even more important now, Blaine thinks, to make a good coffee, because it’s only four days until Christmas and basically the whole adult population of New York is stressed, if not the whole world. He’s seen people hurrying into subways and up and down SoHo searching for the perfect gifts, making last-minute plans through their phones to their loved ones. And then, after hours of searching for the best presents and treats, they give up, collapsing into coffee shops for the warm, welcoming hug of a hot beverage and a muffin, a reassurance that even though they didn’t get that one of a kind vintage handmade artisan soap for Aunt Justine, everything will be okay in the end. And they hide from the snow falling relentlessly outside, unwrapping their scarves and large woollen coats and draping them carelessly all over the furniture.
Okay, so maybe it’s not that dramatic because Janice’s Coffee (so-called because Mr Lamouri, the owner, is a big friends fan) isn’t very crowded at all, hidden around the corner to a local Starbucks - meaning they’re constantly battling for customers (and Starbucks usually wins). However, Blaine thinks it’s still important to make a good coffee because there’s no such drink as comforting as one, and every customer (including the rude ones) deserves a good cup of coffee in this cold.
It’s also important because the stress of Christmas means more picky, angry customers, and Blaine is stressed himself - it’s not like he wants to work four days before Christmas, but he needs the extra cash; he’s spent so much on Christmas presents already and he’s saving for a cafe himself.
He works without even thinking, works until his brain is almost in autopilot, making the coffee like he’s done for years.
Too many years.
“Blaine!”
He’s still focused on the cappuccino he’s making when Rachel is calling his name, nearly spills the whole drink as he jumps at her sudden explosion at him and frets that he’ll have to start again, but sighs in relief when the liquid stays in the mug, turns to her, says, “Jeez Rachel you didn’t have to shout at me like that-”
Rachel’s face scrunches up quickly after he speaks, “Well I did because you were daydreaming again, and I’m not willing to receive a whole load more bitchy customer reviews just because you can’t keep up with the orders!”
“I wasn’t- look. I wasn’t daydreaming, I was focused.”
“You know I can’t handle this alone, Blaine, I will not allow you to get me into trouble with Mr Lamouri again for things that I did not do!”
“Okay, now that’s unfair,” Blaine starts, because god, Rachel really could be annoying sometimes, just as she does one good thing for you she has to make your life a little harder after, and he does like her, considers her a friend even, but when she knows he’s already having a bad day, times like these really can suck. “Because that was one time, Rachel, and that guy was cute , okay? And you said you wouldn’t mention him again!”
Oh , Nathaniel. Honestly, one of the hottest guys Blaine has ever seen. He had dark hair and multiple piercings, all big baggy shirts and combat boots - not usually Blaine’s type, but nevertheless - and walked into the cafe with such nonchalance Blaine had trouble breathing; he nearly spilt the whole bottle of caramel syrup on the floor as he was topping off a milkshake with it, kept on pouring it as he lost focus on the drink and just couldn’t stop staring at the man. The first time he saw him he felt a little inadequate in his uniform - a berry pink polo tucked into itchy black trousers - thought oh god I should’ve added more gel this morning —
Nathaniel did end up offering that they meet for lunch ‘somewhere nice’ after they bonded over the fact that you should never, ever put sugar in your coffee because it just means that you’re not actually enjoying the flavour.
However, it turned out there was a miscommunication because Nathaniel was actually straight and Blaine was mistaken for thinking anything of their ‘ two dudes hanging out and eating ice cream at central park’ because obviously, that’s something that two friends do together nowadays. Blaine hasn’t really known what to think of it since, because Nathaniel really did give off a sort of bi vibe with the shirts and corduroy, and last time he checked that lunch ‘date’ didn’t really seem like a platonic thing to do, but then again maybe he’s exaggerating - it’s been a long time since he’s been on a date with anyone—
“Still not an excuse to slack on your work, Blaine!” Rachel reasons, “I see hundreds of cute guys come in here all the time and I never do anything about it!”
Blaine tilts his head to the side, “Two things, Rach - number one, that is definitely a lie because no one even knows about Janice’s because it’s literally hidden. Two, how is that working out for you?”
“Blaine!” Rachel scoffs, “I’ll have you know my dating life is perfectly under control. Last week I met a guy—”
Rachel is cut off by the bell of the little coffee shop ringing, a signal that a new customer has entered. Blaine looks up and smiles when he sees Quinn, ignoring Rachel’s exasperated sigh when she sees her too. They have never got on.
Rachel aside, Quinn has been his best friend for as long as he can remember. With their parents being friends - met at church when they first moved to Philadelphia - they probably know each other better than anyone else knows them. They went to college together - Blaine to study culinary arts and Quinn to study English. Things with them just work, and Blaine’s happy that he knows he always has a friend like Quinn to rely on.
Today, though, Quinn’s got a sly, excited look on her face, the sort of expression she uses when she’s withholding information. She still walks into the cafe the way she always does, though, big winter coat and bobble hat, scanning the selection of cakes. Blaine frowns slightly when he notices the mascara stains on her cheeks and her eyes slightly red-rimmed, wonders momentarily if she’s alright, hopes nothing bad has happened with her boyfriend, Luke, because god if he has done anything shitty he will punch him. But then Quinn starts speaking, voice wobbling a bit.
“Are those brownies gluten-free?” She asks, and Blaine nearly laughs at how emotional she sounds, because he’s never heard someone get so teary over a gluten-free brownie. But then she points as the cabinet containing all the sweet treats, and Blaine nearly screams when he notices it.
A diamond ring, round and shining proudly on her left-hand ring finger.
“ Quinn— oh my fucking— what the fuck? ” Blaine marvels, speechless at the silver jewel on her finger, not even caring about the other customers sitting around the cafe. Quinn looks up, smiling and she can hardly hide it, that big grin on her face as Blaine starts, “You’re—”
“I’m engaged!” She squeals, holding her left hand up, and Blaine understands her tear-stained cheeks now because of course, Quinn would cry when someone asked to marry her - that’s like, a normal thing to do. Not forgetting the part that Quinn can be overly emotional when she wants to.
“Shut up!” Blaine cries, then runs around the counter to hug her, “Oh my god, I’m so happy for you!” he laughs, swaying her from side to side as she laughs.
“I know, it’s a Christmas miracle!” Quinns says into his shoulder, pulls back again after a while, overly happy and a little scary, the way she’s saying everything like the world is just so perfect.
Blaine’s gaping at her, hardly knows what to say— “How did it happen?”
“Well, Luke took me to Central Park a few hours ago, because I didn’t have any classes on today, and it was like, really simple… just got down on one knee and I said yes.”
And it’s just like that, as Blaine’s staring excitedly at her, there’s a little nudging in the back of his mind, thinking oh god, I don’t even have a boyfriend —
He’s happy for her, really, he is. But this just means so much - Quinn’s going to be moving out, Blaine’s going to have to find another roommate and god if he has to ask Rachel—
Quinn’s going to be moving out of their lovely little apartment, she’s going to be moving out and moving into a home with Luke - and of course, that man took her to Central Park to propose, such a sucker for romcoms, he is - going to be starting their life together, and fuck in a few years they’ll be having kids, and Blaine still won’t have gotten his cafe that he’s wanted all his life, a cute little coffee shop that’s welcoming and warm, a safe haven for families and friends and lovers where they can stay and drink their coffees together.
It really is all he’s ever wanted.
And here he is, last year of college, Christmas time, and Quinn’s engaged, and he hasn’t even bought that plot up for sale yet - the one he’s been eyeing ever since he’s moved to New York, just a few blocks down from where he lives - he still has a whole lot of money to save.
Now Quinn’s going to go back to her family for Christmas with her new fiance, celebrating kindness and present-giving and love, and Blaine hasn’t even got himself a boyfriend.
Life sucks.
Okay, that’s an overstatement, for sure. His best friend has just got engaged! Blaine is happy for her. He’s happy for her, right? Really, he is. Everything is fine.
“Well, Quinn, my day was going shitty but you’ve made it a little better. Come here!” Blaine says eventually, and he really means it, pulling Quinn into another hug before asking if she does actually want a brownie.
“Oh Blaine I would love to, it’s just... “ Quinn starts, hesitates slightly, “Luke said he was going to take me out for dinner. I need to get ready so…” She gestures to her face, and half of Blaine isn’t really sure if she knows about the mascara cascading down it, “but I’ll meet you back home after, okay?”
“Uh— I mean, yes.” Blaine hesitates. “Go get your fiancé! Love you!”
“Love you too!”
And she’s already out of the door, skipping away to meet her date.
Blaine wishes he could have something like that - of course, his life isn’t all bad; he’s got the job at Janice’s and he’s nearly got a degree in culinary studies, but it would be so nice to have something more. What he’s trying to say is: he wants a boyfriend. Wants to come home after a long day to the love of his life cooking him carbonara, or lie down on the couch with him and watch West Side Story, or make pancakes for him in the morning with extra blueberries or whatever his mystery man prefers. And then during Christmas, they can just stay at home and open presents together, stay up till the early hours of the morning, dance to Christmas songs lit by candlelight, move to bed...
He sighs, whirls around to face Rachel, who’s leaning against the counter on her elbows, propping her head up, a sour look on her face. Blaine does feel a little happier when he thinks Rachel is feeling sorry for his lack of movement and progression in… well… life, but is taken aback when she speaks.
“Did you notice how she didn’t even glance in my direction? I mean what is up with her?”
He glares at her, says, “My best friend just got engaged and this is what you’re annoyed about?”
“It’s not my fault she’s so horrible.”
Blaine just stares at her, because does she not even see his struggles here? “My best friend just got engaged and I’m still working at Janice’s, where I have worked for three years. Do you think I’m feeling good about today? And it’s Christmas, and I don’t even have a boyfriend and I’m lonely and sad.”
Then Rachel realises, eyes widening, walking towards him with arms open like she’s going to hug him, but Blaine moves back further. He’s experienced way too much sentiment for one day.
Rachel may be a little inconsiderate at times, but she does know how to comfort someone when they need it. Obviously, she’s not a psychopath. She is actually okay to work with sometimes.
“Honey.” She says, “We’re in the same boat!” and it looks like she doesn’t really know what to do with her hands because it’s so obvious she wants to comfort him, so just pats his shoulder awkwardly. “I don’t want to work here all my life, you know my heart is destined for Broadway.”
Blaine chuckles a little, jokes, “You have mentioned that a couple of times, yes.”
“And anyway, it’s Christmas! We don’t need men to make us happy. I, for one, am going to go home to my dads and we’re all going to sing carols together. Then we’re going to have our traditional vegan Christmas dinner menu, which I like to prepare myself. My dads normally try and get involved but I just won’t let them. Then we like to watch Barbara Streisand’s Funny Girl at least twice. It’s always the perfect Christmas!”
“Sounds more like a sleepover…”
Rachel gives him a look. “Stop being so down in the dumps. Maybe you’ll find your perfect man when you go back home?”
“I find that highly unlikely.” Blaine sighs. “Anyway, I guess seeing my Mom will do me some good.”
“I’m sure it will.”
*
When Blaine finally escapes the day and gets home to his shared apartment with Quinn and his other friend Tina he met at college, he has an urgent need to collapse on the sofa but decides he should probably start packing for going to his Mom’s in two days.
Quinn’s not home - Blaine assumes she’s already gone out to meet Luke, tries not to think about it too much. He’s still a little jealous.
He moves to his tiny room - there’s hardly space for a bed in there at all, but he’s managed to fit it in nonetheless, along with a bedside table and a set of drawers built into the walls already. It’s not the best, but it’s better than Tina’s bedroom which also happens to be the living room - the bed in the corner and a divider between. It’s why Tina usually hangs out in Blaine’s room because it’s the most private of all of them with a door and everything.
Blaine doesn’t even frown when he walks into his room to see Tina lying sideways on his bed reading on her kindle - it’s just so normal and always has been. What he does frown at though, is that she’s wearing her fluffy, oversized grey onesie, hood up, the one that she only wears when she’s feeling shitty. Whenever you see her in it, it’s like a sign, a little signal that either she needs space or cheering up, especially when the hood is up. As Blaine gets closer, she can see tears running down her cheeks, and instantly worries. He drops his bag on the floor and toes his shoes off, sitting down on the side of the bed and puts a hand on her arm.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” He pouts, moving his hand up and down her arm after she breaks out into louder sobs.
She cries even louder now, “Quinn’s engaged and I’m not.” she says, and Blaine has to stifle his sigh of relief because now he knows he has someone to feel the same way with, hurts for her because he knows completely how she feels at the exact same moment. He also has to laugh a little, not that Tina hears, because only Tina would break down at the thought of one of her friends getting married.
“Oh my god,” He laughs, and Tina turns to look up at him, a little glare on her face, almost looks comical with the way she’s crying, but Blaine’s just so relieved that he’s not alone on this one, “she just told me, too. I feel exactly the same.”
Before he’s even aware, Tina’s pulling him into her arms, giggling through sobs, “Jesus, we really are so pathetic aren’t we?” she mumbles, “I mean like, I’m happy for her and everything but—”
“It’s not like you don’t even have a boyfriend,” Blaine reasons before Tina can even justify her jealousy any more, “You have Mike.”
“Well, yes, but we’ve only been together for eight months—”
“But you get to spend Christmas with him. I’m just alone.”
“Oh, Blaine.” Tina sighs, stroking his back up and down comfortingly, “Bad day?”
“The worst.” Blaine sulks, hesitates slightly, “I mean, not the worst, because Quinn did just get engaged and I’m so happy for her, but I just—”
“Blaine, I get it. It’s Christmas, everyone is celebrating, you want a boyfriend. It’s normal.”
“I know it’s normal, just… ugh .”
Tina chuckles, pats Blaine’s gelled head, cringes at the feel of all that product clinging to his curls, not that Blaine notices. She wishes she could make him better, but sometimes things just suck. And sometimes you just have to wallow in self-pity for a while before you do anything else to help yourself. Her thoughts fade into nothing for a while, wonders how she can be a good friend when an idea pops into her mind.
“I could make you mac and cheese?”
Blaine pulls out of her embrace at that, eyes a little watery, “You would do that? For me?”
“Of course! It’s not like Quinn’s coming home tonight.” Tina hints, wiggling her eyebrows, “Now get your ass off of this bed and help me get the ingredients together.”
*
Finally Saturday and feeling a little better about Quinn’s engagement, the jealousy turning more into envy and mainly just feeling happy for her anyway, Blaine finds himself on a train back to his mother’s home in Philadelphia, the same home he also grew up in.
He loves his mom, he really does. She’s never been anything but loving to him, too. Blaine knows that seeing her will definitely make him feel much better; they normally try to keep in touch and Skype now and then, but recently it’s been hard with Christmas and Blaine working extra shifts at Janice’s so he can keep saving for his cafe. He’s missed her, and he’s missed Annabel, his mother’s dog - a beautiful chocolate-coloured Labrador, full name Annabel Lee - named after the poem by Edgar Allen Poe, chosen by his grandmother as it’s always been one of her favourites; she used to read it to him when he was little, all tucked up in bed.
Blaine smiles at the thought, mind carelessly wandering away from the book in his lap but to memories of his childhood, growing up with her and his mother and only them. He’s never truly known his dad - left when he was 6 months old - but the way his mother speaks of him he doesn’t really mind all too much. Sometimes he does wonder what it would’ve been like, but he’s perfectly happy with the childhood he had; his mom and grandmother did so much to raise him, and he wouldn’t have changed it for the world.
God, he’s going to be happy to be home…