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Blaine knows he should’ve been looking out for it - he remembers what happened last year and he’s not going to let that happen again.
In some ways, it’s easy to notice how Kurt gets at this time of year, this anniversary - Blaine can see it in his demeanour - the way he moves, talks, acts - like there’s something niggling at the back of his mind and he’s trying to hide it from himself . And Blaine also notices the way Kurt gets a little more snappy than usual, notices the way he’s not as talkative as he normally is in the evenings, sometimes closing off on himself and not really ‘being around’ as much, and Blaine misses him.
It’s three days until the anniversary of the death of Kurt’s mom. Blaine can’t really blame him for his behaviour at all.
At first, he doesn’t really know how to handle the situation. For starters, he can’t even imagine what Kurt must be going through; yes, Blaine has lost people in the past too, but this is Kurt’s mom, beautiful Kurt who has lived the majority of his life without a motherly figure, and Kurt’s told him before, late at night, voice lulled and edging on sleep, how much he wonders how different his life would be if his mother was still alive, how supportive she would be when he came out to her, what her reaction would be. Kurt’s told him about how hard it was for him to come to terms with who he was when his dad didn’t know much about the subject either, going through nearly the whole of his high school career just feeling completely alone. And Blaine comforts him because it’s really the only thing that feels relative to him during those talks.
But still, they just have to push through it. Kurt has talked to him about this before, and Blaine knows how stressful it is for him, the fact that fashion week just has to overlap with the time Kurt should be getting back home to Lima to visit his mom.
“It’s just the fact that I feel like I owe it to her,” Kurt had said to him once, “I live so far away now and I should just make it home at least once a year to say hello again and remember her. And my dad needs me there, too. I… I can’t imagine what it’s like for him. He knew her more than me.”
They just have to work out how to handle this. Because it’s what Kurt needs, and Blaine cannot let him get into the state that he was in last year, completely closed off from everyone.
*
They try their hardest to make time for each other, but it’s hard with busy schedules, especially when Kurt’s still hurrying with the rest of his team to get ready for the spring collection - Blaine normally spends nights in Kurt’s bed alone because he’s still up sewing until late at night, stitching lace onto dresses (Blaine’s noticed there’s a big these on lace this year, much to Kurt’s chagrin). It doesn’t really help when the sound of the sewing machine is so loud Blaine just can’t stop worrying about him, when that tiny desk area in the corner of the living room that Kurt refers to as the ‘study vestibule’ becomes the most cluttered part of his small apartment.
On the good days, though, they do make it to bed together. Blaine just wishes there was more time, and he savours all of those moments with Kurt on those nights.
It’s after Kurt officially buys a ticket back to Ohio that Blaine actually faces the situation head-on. Because he should’ve been more prepared for this: that’s the first thing he thinks when he hears the sheer sound of glass breaking on the tiled kitchen floor and looks up to see Kurt, standing in front of a piece of buttered bread on the worktop, leaning against it with his head in his hands and covering his eyes, a smashed jar of peanut butter now smudged messily all over the floor.
Blaine, ears slightly ringing from the loud collision of glass with ceramic tiles, hears the way those quiet snuffles of crying break out from behind the safe shields of Kurt’s own arms, sees the way his body is jerking with the sobs, barely coherent but Blaine knows. And he drops the book he was reading on Kurt’s sofa and hurries over to him; it’s almost an instinct how he immediately curls his arms around his boyfriend’s back, whispering comfortingly in his ear, “Hey, hey, it’s okay. It’s okay, Kurt.” like it’s the only thing he knows how to say in that moment.
Kurt is crying over a spilt jar of peanut butter.
Blaine wishes he’d been more prepared for this.
It takes a while before Kurt actually speaks - he doesn’t say anything for a while, just breathes as the crying winds to a halt, focusing on the steady strokes of Blaine’s hand on his back. Then, when everything feels slightly calmer and he’s come to terms with loud clatters of glass hitting tiled floors, he says, “‘M sorry.”
“It’s fine, Kurt. Nothing that an E-cloth can’t solve.”
There’s a few more moments of silence, nothing but Kurt turning his head so red-rimmed cloudy eyes meet Blaine’s, and Blaine just stares back at him, the side of his lip twitching a little.
Kurt mumbles, “I just. Get like this. When it gets near-”
“I know. It’s okay. I was— I’m worried about you. I just want you to feel… happier.”
“I will be. It’s fine. It will be fine. Just… the stress, you know?”
Blaine sniffs, “Yeah. It’ll be okay.”
He strokes his back a few more times listens to the soft sound of Kurt’s breathing as he’s still leaning down on the counter on his arms, then lifts himself back upright again after giving Kurt a quick kiss to the side of his forehead, going to the sink and fetching something to wipe the lost peanut butter now strewn all over the floor up with, and soon Kurt gets back to his feet too, gives the side of his eye a little wipe with the cuffed sleeve of his sweater, goes to get a broom for the glass.
*
Later that night, when they’re tucked up in bed with the traumas of the bread and peanut butter incident behind them (for now), Blaine lays there with Kurt, his arm flopped over Kurt’s side, listens to him as he speaks.
“I’m sorry for being so emotional.”
“It’s fine, Kurt. She’s your mom. You’re allowed to be emotional.”
Kurt sighs, and Blaine feels it as his arm rises and falls again as Kurt’s chest does. “It’s just… the stress of getting the flight back to Ohio in time and then the reality of it all just piling on top of that and thinking of my dad and I just—”
“I know, Kurt. It’s okay. I know.” Is what Blaine says, because it’s relative to him now, he understands those words, understands how much they matter to Kurt when he didn’t really have someone to tell him that growing up. “She meant - still means - a lot to you. It’s understandable.”
Kurt says, quiet and vulnerable in the dark, “I just don’t want to be annoying for you.”
Blaine frowns, because Kurt could never, never be like that for him; Kurt’s the most interesting, fascinating person he’s ever met - the way he’s so passionate about everyone and everything he loves, the way he’ll put his heart into getting something to be perfect, how he holds the things he loves close to him and doesn’t let go, and Blaine doesn’t know what to say in response because he doesn’t know how to put his rejection of that sentence into real words, and just says, “No.” and puts all that meaning into it, because that’s how much Kurt means to him. “You could never- couldn’t ever be annoying to me.’
Kurt shuffles in his arms, turns over so he’s facing his boyfriend, “I love you.” and it’s simple, and it’s sweet, and so, so right on his lips, how he means it. Because even though Blaine might still be new to this, always learning about new antics of Kurt’s and little things about him and how to handle him when he gets like this, he somehow always has something right to say.