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“Tomura, I think I’m dying.” Toga moaned where she lay spread out on the couch.
“Shut the fuck up.” he replied, not even bothering to look at her. He had the electric fan, and everyone else could suck it.
“Tomura.” Dabi whined from his spot on the floor.
“What.”
“I think I’m dying.”
“Sucks.”
The fact of the matter was, it was nearly 30 degrees and almost 11 o clock at night, which meant it was hot with no sign of cooling off anytime soon. And with 7 people sharing a space, it was getting unbearable.
“Shiggy, give me the fan. Kurogiri tell Shiggy it’s my turn with the fan!”
“Eat my ass, bitch.”
Compress was fanning himself with his mask; trench coat, top hat, and even balaclava removed in the intense heat. Spinner was no better, elaborate stain costume stashed somewhere not on his body in favor of as little clothing as possible. When questioned about why a reptile which was typically cold blooded had to cool off , they were met with double fingers and a grumbled “I’m human underneath the scales.”
The one probably faring the worst of all of them was Twice. He refused to take off his mask, and as such was gently being prodded by Kurogiri to periodically suck on ice cubes. The heat didn’t seem to have much an effect on the warper. Perks of being a living cloud, one supposed.
“Shiggy do somethiiiiiiiiing.” Toga continued whining, one hand fanning herself and the other laying listlessly off the couch.
“Do something? You want me to do something!? I don’t control the weather Toga! I don’t control the thermostat, or the pressure systems, or the tilt of the earth this time of the year!” he shouted.
“But you can control the tilt the rest of the year?” Dabi quipped, still lying vulnerable on the floor.
This vulnerability was immediately exploited by Tomura who launched himself across the room to body slam Dabi, a surprised and breathless “OOF” leaving him. The two of them began rolling around the floor, slapping and pinching the other, but they quickly fell apart in the overwhelming heat.
“I think I would give my left nut for that Todoroki kid’s ice quirk right about now.” Spinner said from his spot near the window, raising many questions regarding reptiles and nuts no one wanted to ask.
Dabi twitched but it was Toga who said “Man, I bet he can make ice cream whenever he wants!”
“That sounds like a hassle.” replied Spinner.
“What?”
“Making ice cream. Way easier to go buy some.”
“How?”
Dabi, Tomura, and Spinner all simultaneously replied “Money can be exchanged for goods and services.” Compress pinched his nose. Twice groaned in overheating agony.
“Maybe you should participate in our stimulating economy” Kurogiri said “and fetch the rest of us some ice cream.”
“You don’t even feel the heat.” retorted Tomura, but Toga and Dabi had already gotten to their feet, and compress was rifling through his wallet for what bills he had on hand.
“Get me an ice cream, none of that popsicle crap.” He said, giving Tomura the cash.
“Screw you.”
In the end it was only Tomura, Dabi, and Toga going because Twice was still too hot, Spinner argued he’d attract too much attention, and Compress was paying. Kurogiri made them walk because he was an ass, according to Tomura.
“We would attract so much attention if we warped to the 7-11 in the middle of the night.” Dabi pointed out “Like, they would call All Might out of retirement just to beat our ass.”
“I’d take him.” Tomura deadpanned.
“If you saw All Might’s emaciated form, you’d piss your pants running.”
It had been like this for the last fifteen minutes they’d spent walking in the muggy heat to nearest 24-hour convenience store, which when you were hiding from any and all levels of law enforcement, was not anywhere near where they lived. Whenever the conversation seemed to slow down, Toga interjected with just enough barb to get the argument rolling again.
“Fuck, marry, kill: All Might, Endeavor, Hawks”
“Kill all 3.” Tomura replied.
Toga stuck out her tongue at him “You’re no fun. Dabi?”
“Kill Endeavor, fuck Hawks, marry All Might. He’d treat me right.”
Toga swooned “Oh he would, wouldn’t he? Always coughing up blood...”
Tomura murmured “freak” under his breath, with only a teaspoon of malice. The three of them entered 7-11, identities hidden from the cameras (and prone to panicking cashiers) under face masks.
“Cuz this isn’t suspicious as all hell” Dabi muttered under his breath “Spinner should have had to come.”
The argument had been made that either spinner should have to come or Dabi should be allowed to stay, but Kurogiri insisted on adult supervision for the other 2, no matter Tomura was probably the oldest of the three of them, but he didn’t count because he was Tomura. Dabi had that kind of face that one would assume is older than it actually was, probably because of the horrific scar tissue.
The three of them gathered around the cooler, bills in hand, staring down the various cool treats.
“This is all gonna be melted by the time we get back anyway.” Toga pointed out.
Tomura said “Well the rest of them should have thought of that before giving us their money. Just grab whatever you want.” He proceeded to do so, plucking ice cream cones and popsicles from their icy shelves. Dabi wandered over to the slushy machine.
Toga grabbed a misshapen SpongeBob popsicle for herself, Tomura despite knowing it was a waste had grabbed three ice creams and one popsicle (for compress), Dabi was currently filling an extra-large slushy. None of the 3 paid particularly close attention to the overhead door bell jingling.
They did however, begin paying attention at the obnoxious voices that had made their way inside.
“Alright! Uraraka you are on candy duty, Kirishima! Retrieve the slushies! Midoriya, here is the ice cream list, and I shall get chips! Does everyone else have their lists? Reconvene here once you have gotten everything, or close alternatives if the first option is not available!”
There were various sounds of assent and agreement, which were largely missed by the two villains, too busy shitting their pants.
“What? How?” Toga whispered, already dropped to a crouch behind the cooler.
“I don’t know! Shut up!” Tomura hissed back, crouched behind Toga., the various treats shoved in his pockets. He had no qualms using her as a meat shield if spotted.
“Where’s Dabi?”
“He went to the slushy machine.”
They both peered around the cooler to look where Dabi had gone. Where’d he’d standing instead sat a lone, spilt, extra-large slushy.
“Oh my god they killed Dabi.” Toga whispered.
Tomura nodded in agreement “Well, let’s cut our losses and get out of here.”
“Man, fuck you guys.”
Both Tomura and Toga shrieked as Dabi came up behind them, and then immediately shushed the other. Unfortunately for the three villains hiding behind an ice cream cooler in a 7-11 in the middle of the night, stealth was not their forte. Quite frankly, not much was.
A nearby voice, rapidly getting louder, asked “Did you guys hear that?”
Neither of the three villains waited for their nemesis, one Midoriya Izuku aka the second coming of All Might himself to find them. Toga dashed to hide behind the shelves of snacks in the center of the store. Tomura and Dabi weighed their options, but the prospect of getting blown through a wall at Mach 3 had them quickly following.
Toga stood crouched in the beef jerky aisle, with the sound of The Uglier Sonic only one aisle over.
“We. Need. To. Get. Out. Of. Here.” Tomura bit, out as quietly as possible.
“I vote we use Toga as bait.”
“ Hey!”
Tomura shushed them both, all three of them listening to see if their conversation had attracted any unwanted attention.
“... and 3 bags of sour cream and onion, one of ketchup, and one of... Excuse me, Midoriya? Do you happen to know of the flavor “Chungus?” Kaminari requested a big bag of... why are you laughing?”
Dabi looked like he was going to have a stroke trying to contain his laughter.
“I love those stupid kids.” he said.
“Yeah, that’s why we’re trying to kill them.” Toga agreed.
Dabi looked to Tomura “So what’s the plan, boss? Light, and run?”
He shook his head “No, no way. I’m not dealing with these snot-nosed brats today. I just want to go home, and bitch about the heat some more. Murder was not, and is still not, on the agenda.”
Dabi carefully extinguished the blue flame in his hand “Ok, but we still need a way out.”
“Alright, boy wonder is at the ice cream cooler, Dwayne Johnson is at the slushy machine, Glinda is grabbing candy 3 aisles over, and we’re less than 2 feet from a speeding bullet. Anything in our way between us and the door?”
“No.” Dabi answered, right as Toga said “Yes.”
“What?”
Wordlessly she pointed, and there standing just outside the door was the worst one yet. Their homeroom teacher. Of course the kids couldn’t just go anywhere they liked off campus in the middle of the night, they had to be accompanied. He was probably making sure no one got in the store to hurt them.
“If this was an assassination attempt, we’d be killing it right now.” Dabi said.
Toga said “Ha. Pun.”
Tomura wanted to pull his hair out “We’re never this successful when we’re actually trying, what gives?”
The three of them put their heads together.
“Think they’ll give me a nicer cell if I sell you two out?” Dabi had a hand on his chin in contemplation.
Tomura hit him.
“I think stabbing is a viable solution.”
“I think one or more heroes is going to be scraping you off their knuckles if you try.”
“What if we got you to a wall? Make us a hole, then make a run for it?”
Tomura nodded “I could do it.”
The three of them began creeping towards the far end of the aisle, closest to an outer wall, when a large yelp, and a crashing sound made the three of them jump. Toga actually startled so hard she hit the shelf behind her, making a frankly impressive amount of noise considering. Thankfully it was drowned out by the sounds of alarm coming from the other occupants of the store.
“Ow...”
“Kirishima! are you alright?”
“Yeah, I slipped in some...”
“I’m coming!”
Then there was the familiar sound of engines revving, and then a very impressive crashing sound, followed by two pained cries this time.
“Dude, why?” one groaned.
“I apologize, I did not see the slushy on the ground.” The other moaned.
The front door bell chimed rather aggressively as the front door slammed open, a very menacing aura entering that had each person in that store reconsidering every decision that brought them there in that moment.
“What. Is. Going. On. Here?” A gruff voice asked, belonging none other than to one pissed off Eraserhead, a voice every villain in the league was familiar with by this point. It usually precluded getting your ass kicked.
All the students gathered around their fallen friends and began clamoring to explain themselves at once, voices shouting and pointing out facts and telling wildly outlandish tales of sabotage slushies on the ground. The volume of the group rose and rose as each member tried to talk over the other.
“Well that was easy. See ya, suckers.” Dabi said, dashing from his point of cover and out the door.
Toga quickly followed, and Tomura hesitated but as the group remained quite thoroughly distracted, he soon followed as well. No one inside noticed the three villains taking off in to the night.
“Holy shit!” Toga laughed outrageously, now several blocks from the convenience store, and lavishing in her nearly lost freedom. She jumped off the sidewalk, running around with her arms spread in malicious joy.
“Just so you guys know, I wouldn’t have actually sold you out for a better cell. Just so we’re clear.”
“Shut up while you’re ahead, Dabi”
Toga howled in joy “and I didn’t even have to pay for my ice cream!” She pulled out her SpongeBob popsicle, ripping the wrapper off to expose the misshapen face that was supposedly a cartoon character. She plopped it in her mouth with a satisfied hum.
“Oh my god.” Tomura stuck his own hands in his pockets, pulling out the treats he’d shoved in there when this all began.
“Oh, hell yeah!” Dabi plucked one of the packaged ice cream cones from his hand. Tomura didn’t even fight him for it, ripping open his own ice cream treat and digging in.
He couldn’t help chuckling “Those heroes helped us rob a convenience store.”
Dabi nodded “This is the best day of my life.”