Chapter Text
Part 3: When Falling Someone Must Push Forward
As Natsume walked to school a shiver ran through his spine as he sensed a nearby youkai. It was a harmless one, with big hands and small legs. It walked by him and the youkai didn’t even take notice, but Natsume felt a little light-headed, as he thought of the youkai who cursed him only a couple weeks ago.
He gripped his hands together as he approached the end of the path, his school coming into view in the distance. He’d only missed two weeks, but it felt longer—and the overall feeling of going back filled him with a slight dread.
Still, he couldn’t trouble Touko-san and Shigeru-san any longer than he already had. And he was feeling mostly normal, only a slight stomach ache thanks to the anxiety.
He walked onto the school grounds and changed into his indoor shoes; making his way to the classroom ten-minutes before class started. The reaction was instantaneous upon his arrival through the door.
“Natsume!” Kitamoto and Nishimura said in unison as he walked in. A few other students were staring from their desks; seems they’d heard something.
“Are you feeling alright?” Nishimura was the first to ask.
Natsume shrugged. “Back to normal now.” He smiled after— though even to him it felt fake. He was normal, or at least, he felt fine. Just, nervous for some reason.
There was a bit of huss-and-fuss over Natsume before homeroom started. A few classmates he’d never even talked to offering their support— even the teacher telling him to take it easy after class started. Natsume thought he could probably get away with sleeping on his desk and no one would even say anything this time. But he didn’t, he paid attention to English and Math, happy for the notes his friends had brought him to help him keep up— he could already feel he’d fallen a bit behind though.
The teacher asked to see him after class, and when Natsume met with him they went over some homework he’d missed and how he would be allowed a little leeway to catch up given the circumstance. His teacher mentioned how pale Natsume was, but Natsume smiled and explained he was fine, he’d gotten over his fever a few days ago. And he was exactly that, fine.
Leaving the teacher’s offices he’s met his friends who’d waited for him in the hall. They find a place to eat together and when he smiles its genuine.
Things easily went back to normal, his time at school the first day, the conversations with everyone— his friends even helped him with a bit of homework and stuff he hadn’t gotten from the lectures and teacher. He was beginning to be feel caught up already.
Tanuma and Taki were looking at him strangely though, or no, it was normal how they looked, but there was something in their eyes, because they’d seen it— seen him at a vulnerable point, and now they were worried.
At the end of the day Tanuma was the one to walk home with him—giving him a friendly smile as they chatted. “Remember to be careful, you can’t go running from a youkai in this state,” he reminded Natsume, getting a bit more serious.
“I know,” Natsume said, scratching the back of his head. “Though honestly, I’m fine.”
Sensei met him half-way, and when he got home Touko-san was sweeping nervously by the doorframe, seeing Natsume arrive she was quick to hug him and thank Tanuma for walking him home, Tanuma refusing to stay for dinner.
And after the first day, it just kind of became normal. Youkai came and asked for their names back, this time Sensei being more hesitant to let him return the names, but agreeing as Natsume collapsed afterward, exhausted. He didn’t feel ill anymore, but his thoughts, something about the way he was thinking was bugging him. The way he saw youkai now, he was flinching when they entered into his bedroom, or he passed them on the street.
He didn’t like to think why—that a youkai attacking his lungs would make him think this way.
It was after a week since they’re trip that Shigeru got a call from the doctor Natsume visited in Tokyo. Natsume was to come for a follow-up appointment that weekend with another specialist he’d been recommended to. Shigeru was going to accompany him back to the specialist, but a work appointment on Saturday came up, and the day trip might have been a bit much for Touko on the bullet train. Natsume recommended calling Natori, who Touko remembered cared and helped him at the hospital. He’d even come to pick Natsume up by car and drive him to the appointment.
Natsume thought it’d be nice to see him again since he hadn’t seen chatted with Natori since the hospital, but even that thought churned his stomach for some reason—thinking back to the hospital, his curse. He shuttered but pushed it to the back of his mind.
It wasn’t till he was at school alone with Tanuma and Taki, that he finally was faced with something he’d been avoiding after telling the two he’d be going to Tokyo with Natori for the appointment.
“That man, the one with the eye-patch,” Taki said, she’d stopped mid-bite of her chopstick from the bento, putting the egg-roll back. “He said his name was Matoba.”
Natsume stopped eating his own lunch at the name. Sensei had told him, what Matoba requested. He looked at the sky, summer break only a month away.
“He wanted you to train with him for forty days,” Tanuma filled in after Taki stopped. “Why?”
Natsume wondered what he should answer? Maybe he’d tell them the truth. That his spiritual powers made him stronger, desirable for the Matoba clan—they wanted him to be an exorcist, and this ploy, it would bring him to them.
Natsume closed his bento box. “It’s fine, it’s—well, I don’t mind really.”
“That wasn’t an answer to the question,” Tanuma replied, a bit cocky. He’d met Matoba, briefly, but enough to have an idea of what Natsume had gotten himself into.
Natsume bit into his lip then smiled. “He wants to teach me, about exorcism, maybe convince me to join their clan and be a part of their family.”
“Wait what?” Taki said standing up. “Like adopt you?”
He wasn’t sure how it worked completely, but he knew, either way, he wouldn’t join them, their clan hurt youkai.
“Not exactly,” Natsume saw the concern on his friends faces, “think of it like a summer job,” he said.
That didn’t convince them, but Natsume didn’t have the energy besides his fake smile to tell them anything otherwise.
Sunday morning came around and Natori pulled up in a black SUV ready to drive him. They didn’t talk about youkai stuff as they drove, but sensei and Hiiragi were in the back, watching over them. Natori instead spent the time talking about his new movie deal, and a few girls who’d somehow managed to find his apartment after stalking him, he said they might have even been harder to deal with than youkai, which earned a laugh out of him.
Natsume besides that though just kind of let himself enjoy the ride, it was longer driving than the bullet train, but it was also more relaxing and better on his nerves. Natori, he, didn’t have to hide from either he knew about the youkai that Natsume could see, along with some of the circumstances in his life, including the book.
Near the outside of Tokyo, when they were caught in a traffic jam, Natori tapped on the wheel on the car and gave off a large sigh.
“What is it?” Natsume asked.
Natori frowned, before saying, “This specialist doctor you’re seeing, he’s. . .well, he’s actually a doctor who works primarily with exorcists.”
That surprised him. “Okay.”
Natori continued to drum his hands along the wheel. “I was the one, who helped get you recommended to him. He works with the Matoba clan.”
“Natori!” Natsume said a bit miffed.
“I know, but it was worth the risk—he’s agreed to confidentiality with a bit of. . .persuasion.”
“Persuasion?”
Sensei's head bumped up, clearly listening in on the conversation.
Natori stopped drumming his finger. “He had a particular youkai that was bugging him—that the Matoba clan refused to get involved with. I offered him some aid. And in return, he’ll give you discretion.”
“But I never asked you to do that, I thought that the other doctor’s check-up—”
“The other doctor is not going to be able to help. This Doctor, he knows about the odd things that youkai’s can do to the human body. Which is why, after looking at your recent tests he has his own opinion of what’s been happening to you.”
“Which is?”
“I don’t know,” Natori said shrugging.
Natsume frowned, he was annoyed Natori went behind his back like this, but then again, this is exactly the type of thing that Natori would do if he was being honest with himself. From day one Natori had the best outlook for Natsume, but he also wasn’t afraid to use underhanded means to get there.
“Why don’t you know?” he asked.
Sensei who’d been intently listening just rolled over, he didn’t seem that interested at this point in the conversation, which fixed some of the concern that Natsume had, but didn’t resolve it. But if Nyanko wasn’t worried, maybe Natsume shouldn’t be either.
“Doctor-patient confidentially,” Natori said. “Another reason I trust that he won’t tell the Matoba clan what his findings are. I trust this Natsume. And I’m worried, after seeing you in that hospital bed, fighting to stay alive against that youkai. . .I, don’t want there to be any missed lasting consequences from that curse, or your spiritual power getting you in trouble again.”
Natsume thought about protesting more, but a part of him was realizing there may be a little truth to what Natori was saying, a bit of guided thoughts. After all he was a bit worried of the side effects the youkai left him with—he usually didn’t worry about this stuff, but the look in Tanuma and Taki’s eyes really bothered his thoughts overall this time. He may actually want to find out if there were lasting effects, or even if the anemia was part of his body, or the Youkai they’d exorcized.
Natori got through the traffic and drove through an area of Tokyo that Natsume wasn’t familiar with. Natsume just sat, Sensei chatting about different food in the back they should try, and Natori and Hiiragi somewhat placating to his demands.
Natori found an underground parking garage and parked. Natsume got out, but Natori stayed in the car. Sensei went to follow but Hiraggi closed the door. “Doctor confidentiality means you, bodyguard,” Natori said, eying the cat.
“Why you listen exorcist—”
“Sensei, it’s fine.”
“The appointment’s in ten minutes, and I don’t think it’ll take long. We’ll wait here, and after—go out for Taiyaki?”
Sensei seemed to growl, but his ears perked at the idea; though he gave one last look to Natsume—he wanted to make sure he was okay with this. He was.
“If we sense anything is off I’ll be there in a heartbeat,”Hiiragi said.
Natsume nodded, Natori handed him a slip of paper with the doctor’s name and door on floor nine—Dr. Tatsuya Yoshi. Natsume frowned, the name didn’t seem familiar. But if he really was helping the Matoba clan, he couldn’t be too careful.
Getting in the elevator Natsume rode it to the ninth floor and found the door. There was a small waiting room office. He handed the paper Natori gave him to a secretary, who in turn gave him another slip of paper and told him to fill it out— they’d been expecting him. Surprisingly, Natsume noticed a small fox youkai perched in the background behind her. Natsume thought about asking, but thinking back to his childhood and every time said he cried wolf about a youkai, he thought against it, even if the fox seemed to be a Youkai familiar.
When the door opened a few minutes later to the doctor’s office, instead of a person coming out, a small little fox did. The youkai fox behind the secretary jumped and joined the littler one. They then both jumped toward an open window and disappeared. Natsume handed back the forms he’d sighed, curious, she hadn’t seemed to watch the fox youkai, but Natsume noticed when handing back his forms the one underneath her had a paw-print of sorts that looked similar to a fox. Like a signature.
Natsume tilted his head.
“Natsume Takashi.”
Natsume perked up, seeing a tall dark-haired doctor gesturing not toward the exam suite but instead a small office.
“Right this way,” he said.
Natsume got up and followed. Once inside the doctor closed the door, then going around sat at a desk where there was a file with his name on it. Natsume sat in the adjacent chair, the doctor turning on a table light in addition to the overhead ones.
“Nice to meet you Natsume Takashi, not to say I get too many outside visitors, but well—I’m happy to be of service to a friend of Natori and the Matoba clan.”
Natsume didn’t like how he added the Matoba clan at the end there, but he kept silent, giving a slight nod.
“Can I call you Takashi-kun, you can call me Yoshi, makes everything a bit less formal.”
Natsume nodded, as the doctor—Yoshi, flipped through his file. “I’d test you myself, but it seems they’ve tested you a lot in the last bit, now how are you feeling generally.”
Natsume’s fingers played with one another. “Ah, normal, I guess tired, but that’s usual, I get faint easily,” he admitted, which he normally didn’t like to do, but right now, he felt it wasn’t really in his best interest to be discrete.
“That’s to be expected with such low iron levels—but now did you know that might actually be tied with your spiritual power.”
Natsume blinked. “Pardon?”
“It’s not unusual, for weaker exorcists to exert their physical body with their power. They tie their spiritual powers with their bodies in order to increase their power—exerting greats amount of energy that they’re not able to handle. Though based on what I’ve heard from Natori, that doesn’t seem to be the case for you, it may just be your body is a little weaker than averaged, that’s certainly what the tests are saying.”
Natsume stopped fiddling with his hands. That was it? That wasn’t the answer he was looking for, that his sickness had nothing to do with youkai— no he’d collapsed cause of one, maybe this was good news, he’d just go back to being his anemic self. Fevers every year, and maybe an earlier death. Natsume tried not to think about that last thought anymore.
The doctor continued eyeing Natsume. “To be honest I think I need to perform my own test though.”
Doctor Yoshi pulled out an item from a drawer. It was a very small piece of cloth framed behind glass, like it was more valuable than gold, or maybe it was. The outline, it looked like a broken piece of a flower.
“Tell me Takashi, what colour is this piece of cloth.”
He examined it harder, wondering if there was something special about it. “Gold—there’s a peony, I think, on it, and. . .” was there something moving on it. A scale passed it and Natsume jumped back. Yoshi seemed surprised but stayed seated as Natsume collected himself.
“Sorry, I ah—it looked like a claw passed by on it, must have been a bug.” Natsume sat back down, feeling a tad embarrassed. But the doctor just studied him, as if he was seeing Natsume in a new light. He tapped his pen on the desk.
“Mmm, I believe. . .I may have had the wrong hypothesis.” He wrote some things down on Natsume’s file. “I think the question isn’t that you’re too weak Natsume and your body is compensating, I think that you’re too powerful, and that’s why your body is compensating.”
He furrowed an eyebrow. “Pardon?”
He pulled back the framed cloth piece. He put it inside the drawer. “You see, based on this small test, the colour and flower you saw indicates much great spiritual power. In fact so much so that, well, your body might be overwhelmed by it.” He wrote a few more things down. Circling a number at the end. “Fevers are a commonality for you Natsume, but I don’t think it’s because you’re catching the common flu more often than the average person, I think—well sometimes your spiritual power leaks out.”
Natsume listened intently, wondering about the truth to what the doctor was saying.
“Tell me, have you been doing better or worse since moving in with the Fujiwara’s?”
Natsume went back to playing with his fingers. He’d actually been doing worse, but he didn’t want to admit that.
“Based on your expression I can guess, well, to be honest, I think it’s the area you’re in, many youkai will increase your spiritual awareness, and the more connections you make with familiars, the more your power grows. Meaning, more sickness, more fevers because your body can’t handle all that power inside you.”
“I don’t have familiars,” Natsume said, he’d never do that, bind a youkai to him like his grandmother had stolen the names.
Yoshi stopped writing. “What?”
“They’re my friends, the youkai, I don’t bind them to contracts.”
Yoshi tapped on his notes, he was quiet for a few moments, contemplating. The silence just kind of lingered and Natsume decided not to break it, he wondered if he should have brought Nyanko sensei after all.
Finally, the doctor reached into his drawer and pulled out a medicine capsule. He pushed it forward. Natsume observed it, it looked ordinary, but as for what it did, he wasn’t sure.
“This here will help calm your spiritual power Natsume and aid with your fevers.” He was more blanked face than before. But he seemed serious as he pushed the pill forward.
“How?” he asked.
“By suppressing your powers and making it impossible for you to see youkai ever again.”