Chapter Text
Dee hears him even before Heavy knocks, floorboards creaking as Heavy shuffles up to his door and then…
Silence.
It stretches on for long enough that Dee would wonder if maybe he’d imagined it, but no. He knows every one of Heavy’s sounds, could pick that little wooden squeak out of a million different noises. Knows his little brother is twisting his hands together right outside his door trying to muster up the courage to knock. It’s both annoying and a touch endearing, the latter Dee tries not to think about too hard.
Heavy’s been attempting to gather up the courage to ask him something all week, and Dee’s been trying to figure it out, but with minimal success. It’s not that he cares, really, more like for once he doesn’t entirely have a read on the kid, doesn’t know what Heavy’s been turning over and over in his mind.
He’s curious though, and figures if Heavy made it all the way up to his door, he must finally be close to figuring out how to word whatever it is.
“Hurry up Hevs, I don’t got all night,” Dee calls out, sighing when there’s finally one startled, useless knock before Heavy pushes his door open and peers inside.
“Oh…” Is the first thing Heavy breathes, taking in Dee where he’s sat on the edge of his bed, fully clothed in dark jeans and a darker shirt and tying up his boots. “Are you busy tonight?”
Heavy knows better than to ask what he’s up to specifically, knows he won’t get an answer even if he does. But asking him if he’s busy - well, that’s free game. Dee is busy tonight, in fact. Has a dinner and a show lined up with a girl he’s just started seeing. Sweet thing, would break her heart if he cancelled on her so last minute.
Dee pauses, looking up at Heavy with an arched brow before shrugging. “You need something?”
“Well…” Heavy’s biting his lip, fingers twisting in the hem of his t-shirt and Dee wants to slam him into the ground and teach him how to use his goddamn words.
“ Heavy .” Dee says instead, sharp and impatient. He really doesn’t have time for Heavy’s coyness, either he can spit it out or get out. Dee doesn’t care which one, at this point, just can’t stand Heavy acting all shy and shit.
“I thought, well, since I’m a real teenager now -”
“You turned thirteen last week,” Dee interjects, rolling his eyes and directing his attention back to his laces.
“Yeah well, still, ” Heavy huffs, fists balling up in the sides of his pajama shorts now, looking indignant and bothered and cute -
“I got plans, Hevs, can you hurry this up?” Dee grouses, standing and moving towards the doorway, where Heavy is still standing pathetically, foot barely passed the threshold to Dee’s room. Heavy opens his mouth, but nothing comes up, and Dee’s patience finally wears itself out. He’s reaching out without a second thought, hand on the side of Heavy’s head and pushing him roughly to the side.
“If you’re just going to stand there like a fucking idiot, at least get the fuck out of my way firs -”
“I - Iwanttotryweed ,” Heavy bursts out, breath gusting out of him in a little ‘ oof ’ as his temple hits Dee’s doorframe.
“You what ?” Dee snaps back immediately, whirling on Heavy and leaning over him, suddenly too-large and just on the shy side of predatory. It’s a track change too quick for Heavy to keep up, evidenced in the slightly scared look to him. He’s shivering a bit - rightly so, considering Dee’s sure his expression is anything but kind. Despite that, Heavy reaches for him, slips his index finger into the loop on Dee’s jeans and pleads his case.
“Ah - I - I mean, I just thought. If - If I’m going to try it I should ask you, right? You - you always, you never let me before you always said I had to wait well I waited and I want -”
Dee’s not really listening anymore when he shoves Heavy back into his room, barely sees him crash into Dee’s bed with a yelp as Dee kicks his door shut. He’s stomping over to his desk without explaining himself, trying to work through the idea that Heavy wants Dee to get him high .
Heavy has no idea what he’s asking for, really, what he’s doing when he comes to Dee with that request. He’s so naive, so simple, there’s no way he can possibly grasp all the ways in which Dee wants to ruin him, how much control he’s so casually giving up. It’d been a herculean task holding back, mostly banking on Heavy forgetting he’d wanted to try it in the first place. It's not that Dee didn't want to see Heavy all hazy and loose, just that he wasn't entirely sure it'd end smart for either of them, wasn't entirely settled with the knowledge that he might not be able to hold back.
But then there's Heavy, arranging himself cross legged on Dee's bed and looking up at him expectantly and Dee’s quick to forget why he’d even wanted to hold off in the first place.
“Soooooo...” Heavy drawls, trying for nonchalant and failing. "Is that a yes?"
Dee glances over at him, staring hard for a minute before popping open his hidden drawer and grabbing his kit with everything in it.
He’s not really worried about Heavy seeing where he keeps it. He knows not to mess around with Dee’s things or there’ll be consequences. Learned real young that Dee always notices when Heavy’s been snooping. It’s more for deflecting Vicky's wandering eyes. Glam respects his privacy too much to ever search Dee’s room, but Vicky gets curious if anything catches her attention, and Dee would rather not lure her into his room by leaving things out in plain view.
“You tell Mom or Dad or Ches or anyone and I’ll knock your teeth in, got it?” Dee says, setting everything down in front of Heavy and kicking his boots off by the edge of the bed.
“Promise I won’t.” Heavy says immediately, eyes sparkling. Dee’s got no doubt in his mind that Heavy will listen. He’s loud, but not like that - not with secrets. Dee should know. There’s been more cuts and bruises on Heavy than either of them can count that have been explained away by half-truths and omissions, Heavy a terrible liar at the best of times but still trying for Dee.
Heavy keeps his eyes on the little box as Dee climbs up next to him, elbowing him out of the way so he can get situated next to the window. He looks a bit like he wants to touch, and Dee finds himself opening his stash and inclining it in Heavy's direction.
“You want to learn?” Dee asks, watching Heavy’s head shake even before he’s done asking the question.
“I wanna watch you,” Heavy says easily, staring avidly at Dee’s hands opening the grinder, gently pulling out a thin strip of paper and a tiny filter. “I’m only gonna do it with you, anyway.” Heavy adds, easy like he didn’t just promise away yet another piece of his life to Dee.
Dee levels him an appraising look, but it sails clean over Heavy’s head, too caught up watching Dee begin the well-worn process of rolling. Must be nice, to never think of the weight of your words until they're passed your lips.
“Make yourself useful will you?” Dee says, jerking his chin at Heavy. “Bluetooth - not your playlist, keep it low.” Heavy’s usually good with simple orders like that, lifts his shirt and tugs his phone out of the waistband of his shorts. Dee tries not to find it clever that Heavy’s managed to be so inventive around his distinct lack of pockets at night. Tries to pretend that Heavy's innovation is really what he's focusing on and not that little flash of peachy skin.
It registers for Dee now that Heavy’s wearing his sleep clothes. He’d noticed them obviously, filed the note away in his brain, but now it makes more sense to him, now he sees the simple cogs Heavy’s subconscious worked itself through before arriving here, in Dee’s room. Heavy had come to him with every intention of spending the night with him. He'd gotten cozy - comfortable, even, before tracking down Dee.
Dee tries not to think about that too hard, but it’s difficult to gloss over. Heavy’s just so god damn obvious about everything, wears his heart on his sleeve and then waves it around. Dee is past pretending he isn’t satisfied with the knowledge that his kid brother would rather have a sleepover with him than get up to trouble with his own friends. Dee remembers being exactly Heavy's age, remembers wanting to spend every possible minute he could out of the house.
Heavy isn't like that. Isn't like him. Doesn't need to distance himself from his family to find himself. He finds everything he needs right there, right in Dee, and Dee thinks it's cruel that he can't accept that as easily as Heavy can...
It doesn’t take Dee long to put the joint together, Heavy hitting play on something acoustic and slow as Dee pinches it tight and tries not to lose himself in his own brooding. He's got Heavy here, right in front of him, tail wagging just watching him and maybe this is enough. Dee wants it to be.
It’s impossible to ignore Heavy watching him like he’s putting on a five star performance in a concert hall, drinking in every little twitch of Dee’s hands.
“Quit staring,” Dee growls, neck prickling.
“Kay.” But Heavy very much does not quit staring. Dee tsks at him before bringing his handiwork up to his mouth, Heavy staring openly as he licks it damp and seals it.
“ Woooooow .” Heavy breathes out, and Dee hates how genuine it is, how easy it is to impress him.
“God you’re annoying. Shove over to the window,” Dee bites instead, not waiting for Heavy as he slides the glass all the way open. He fumbles around on the outer sill for his ashtray and lighter, looking up at the clear night sky. He wants to go up to the roof, if only for the habit, but he also doesn’t want Heavy climbing back down all stoned for the very first time. He’d rather not have to explain to their parents how Heavy broke his arm in the middle of the night (again).
They’re half facing each other, Dee with one leg folded up to his chest and the other stretched out, arm resting on the window frame and the other waving vaguely at Heavy.
His invitation is accepted, and Heavy’s clambering over him immediately, shimmying over Dee’s leg and half straddling Dee’s thigh. Or at least he would be, if he wasn’t leaned all the way forward on his knees, holding his breath and biting his lip as Dee brings the joint up to his mouth and lights it.
Dee tries to look anywhere but right at him, but it’s hard when Heavy’s so damn close, practically bouncing on his lap as Dee inhales and holds it for half a second before blowing it out the window. Most of the smoke makes it out there, and Heavy barely wrinkles his nose at the smell - he’s spent enough nights curled up by Dee’s side on the roof, watching his big brother smoke weed and growing comfortable with the scent of it.
Dee takes a minute with it, trying to pretend like Heavy isn’t vibrating on his lap trying to wait his turn. It gets harder as the weed starts fuzzing his brain, calming him and simultaneously making him about a dozen times more interested in the pretty little thing watching him smoke. He waits till it’s about half done before finally cutting his gaze to Heavy properly.
“Two inhales,” Dee says, bringing his fingers up to Heavy’s mouth and pressing the tip of the joint there instead of just passing it to him. “One in, and then another to get it down your lungs.”
Heavy goes cross eyed trying to keep watching Dee’s hand, but he has to cave eventually, pursing his mouth sweetly and meeting Dee’s stare as he nods.
There’s a moment of hesitation though, and for a second, Dee can’t help but think Heavy looks so impossibly young here - lip wobbling where Dee’s got his fingers sat against it, nails digging into Dee’s torso where Heavy’s hands have settled low on Dee’s t-shirt.
Dee is… captivated. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from the sight of Heavy if he tried. The kid is all leaned forward, trembling ever so slightly as he closes his eyes… holding still with all the faith in the world and god, Dee thinks there isn’t a person on earth who trusts him more than Heavy does.
“Go ahead,” Dee murmurs quietly, finding himself matching the pace of Heavy’s next inhale. Dee fancies he can see the smoke swirling right into Heavy’s lungs as he breathes in, searing down the back of his throat and tickling the delicate tissue there.
Heavy coughs immediately .
It’s more of a startled hiccup than anything, a choked off little kitten noise that turns into a flurry of increasingly desperate hacks that Heavy is hopelessly trying to keep quiet. He goes for Dee’s shoulder immediately, mouthing at the fabric in an attempt to muffle himself.
Dee can’t help but chuckle, setting the joint in his own mouth and smoothing a hand up Heavy’s back, patting at it soothingly as Heavy tries to catch his breath without drawing the attention of the rest of the house.
It takes a minute, but Heavy finally manages to clear it, taking one last shuddery breath before raising his head and casting a rather frantic look around Dee’s room. Before Dee can ask him what he’s hunting for, Heavy’s pulling back.
He twists away, crawling over to the edge of Dee’s bed and making a beeline for the glass of water perched there. Dee watches him sip at it, two gulps before he’s setting it down and weaving back over to Dee. His eyes are still damp, red and just puffy enough to make them look that half-size bigger. It looks like Heavy's just got done crying, and Dee feels something lurch hot and interested in his gut.
And maybe he's feeling the weed a little, must be, no other reason why Dee's palm finds Heavy’s cheek so easily, cupping it and drawing Heavy back to his seat on his thigh as Dee says, “I know something a little smoother.”
He watches Heavy’s brow furrow, clearly not understanding, but waiting patiently for Dee to explain regardless as he coughs weakly once more, trying to find his voice as he settles back in.
“I’m gonna inhale for you, and when I exhale, I want you to breathe in okay?” Dee goes on.
“I don’t get it...” Heavy rasps, simple and to the point, never pretending he knows more than he does. Dee likes that about him, much as he’ll never admit it. He snorts out a laugh, coaxing Heavy a little bit closer, close enough that Dee can almost press their noses together.
“It’s called shotgunning.” Dee says, smirk sharp and teasing. “I’m going to be right here, and when I blow out smoke…” Dee pauses again, puffs out a breath against Heavy’s mouth. “You’re going to inhale, and it won’t feel as rough on your throat.”
It’s habit, really, that pulls his hand down, guides it over the delicate skin of Heavy’s neck as he speaks. Traces over every fine line and the soft spot where Heavy’s adam’s apple hasn’t come in yet. He knows every little thing about that throat, save for how hard Dee has to squeeze to snap it. He knows how long Heavy can last without passing out, knows exactly how much pressure it takes to bruise. Even knows exactly where to prod to kill Heavy’s voice for a week.
When he flicks his gaze back up to Heavy’s eyes, he looks frozen in place, cheeks pink and breath stalled in his chest, frightened like he can see Dee’s thoughts writ clear across his forehead.
“Think you can handle that?” Dee asks, tapping Heavy's throat lightly and taking a drag from the joint. It takes the kid a minute, but he manages to collect himself, nodding somewhat dazedly and swaying forward. That one puff must just be starting to settle into his brain, and Dee really should wait to give him any more, but Heavy’s already parting his lips in anticipation, ready to try and Dee realizes, rather suddenly, that he wants to shotgun Heavy.
“I can handle it,” Heavy insists, looking at Dee’s mouth as a blush climbs all the way up his neck. He looks determined though, like he’s not going to pass up an opportunity to experience something new. Especially something Dee wants to show him.
That’s all the consent Dee’s going to bother with, keeps his eyes locked on Heavy’s as he inhales deep and leans in. There’s a split second where Heavy looks panicked, like he’s not sure what to do with himself, then Dee’s hand finds his jaw, tilts his face up, and he’s relaxing into the touch, lips just barely grazing Dee’s as he sucks in a quiet breath.
Dee goes slow for him, breathing out an even, steady stream and feeling Heavy pull the air right from between his lips, eyes slitted even as Heavy’s flutter shut in concentration. His hand abandons Heavy’s jaw, drawn to the small of his back like a magnet. Dee’s not thinking as he slips his hand underneath the warm material of Heavy’s shirt, sweeping up the length of his spine and guiding Heavy through his exhale as Dee murmurs “ Good boy… ” against the seam of his lips.
Heavy doesn’t cough this time, and the pleased curl to Dee’s mouth is authentic as Heavy blinks his eyes open and looks at him expectantly.
“I did it…” He breathes, pupils blown as Dee takes another drag of the joint and leans in again. This time, Heavy doesn’t need guidance. He meets Dee halfway, little fingers coming to rest on Dee’s chest as he rises onto his knees, still short enough to have to lean up for it.
He feeds Heavy the smoke same as before, but this time, when Heavy’s lungs are full, Dee finds himself drifting forwards instead of backwards, caught in Heavy’s spell, enamoured by the focused wrinkle in the center of his brow - the soft pink dusting to his cheeks. Dee’s the one who can’t stop staring now, taking in every inch of Heavy’s face as their noses nuzzle together. He’s got thick, dark lashes and the sweetest little upturn to his nose and Dee is struck all over again by how pretty Heavy is.
He’s so close, right there , and it’s so reminiscent of a kiss that Dee really can’t be blamed for forgetting it isn’t one. It’s all instinct that has him catching Heavy’s mouth with his own, a kiss so quick and sweet and easy Dee doesn’t even realize he’s done it until he pulls back and Heavy is blinking dozy green eyes open at him and licking his lips like he can’t believe that happened any more than Dee can.
“How’d that feel?” Dee asks, voice low and more than a little gravelly. Heavy looks dazed, eyes unfocused and cheeks going scarlet as he sways towards Dee before catching himself.
“Good…” Heavy says faintly, like he’s not entirely aware he’s answering. Dee watches his hand go up, tips of his fingers settling on his mouth feather light like he’s got no idea he’s doing it. “Felt good…”
Dee can’t look at him for one second longer, not when he’s gazing right back at Dee all starry eye’d like he’s waiting for Dee to make a move on him...
Another move on him.
Dee hates himself.