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It's a suffocating feeling to hear her actually admit it. After countless nights of lying in bed, thinking that nothing was going on between the two girls despite the fact that he did indeed he highly doubted, it was all denial and now it broke.. It hurt- it hurt worse than he imagined.
God, he even imagined performing Never Going Back Again after Brittany rushed off. Yet nothing would ease the pain- even Fleetwood Mac and Artie loved Fleetwood Mac. Taking a shaky breath, the male brought himself back to reality. He bit his bottom lip and looked around- everything was suffocating him.
Without another glance, Artie began to wheel himself straight to the males restroom- his head hurt and everything felt as if it was spinning. He swore he almost ran at least 3 people over but he didn't care, he needed out. With a new record speed, Artie flew into the restroom before immediately going over to the sink.
He hated the fact that he barely could see his own reflection. What was visible was his glazed eyes. Artie felt weak, maybe this is why they cheated on him. First Tina, then Brittany. Was he- was he really that unlovable? A pathetic noise left his lips and his throat felt like it was closing into itself.
Artie didn't even want to rush so fast into his relationship with Brittany- one second he's trying to get over Tina and the next he's on the blonde's bed losing his virginity before he realized it. He admired the girl, she was funny and pretty and he felt cared for. Then Brittany cheated on him in record time.
He tried, he swore he tried and he understands that sometimes- some of the things he said to women weren't the exact most polite thing in the world . No, he doesn't have any excuses for it but it came as second nature after hearing his own father use that form of talk so frequently. Same father who was now more away from home than actually being there.
Artie rubbed his eyes with his right hand while his left clutched his thigh- nails digging in but he wasn't sure because he couldn't feel that. Was it that? That being the fact that he was a freak, was that why they cheated on him? Artie's bottom lip trembled as he felt his eyes get wetter and oh God- everything felt so slow and spiny.
The male didn't realize his unsteady breathing until he heard the sound of the bathroom door opening with a creak before shutting with a pretty loud slam. Artie jolted, right hand moving away from his eyes while his left digged his nails harsher into his thigh. He held his breath, scared that it was a jock who would take one look at his pathetic figure before beating him to the pulp. God, sometimes he just wanted to disap-
" Artie ?"
He knew that voice and it didn't belong to some jock. Artie's eyes roamed the mirror, barely spotting the male that entered. Sam. He held some sort of concerned expression and it made Artie feel nauseous. He bit at his bottom lip as Sam slowly went over to him, more confusion seeping into his expression. "Artie- man, are you okay? Did some jocks get you?"
Artie's mouth opened but nothing came out besides another one of those pathetic whimpers. Sam was now besides him and slowly realized that- no, his friend wasn't okay. His eyes flicked down to Artie's hand- the one digging into his thigh and for a second Sam thought that he was actually gonna break into it which says a lot because Artie's pants seemed like layers of leather. Okay, maybe he was dramatic but damn.
Sam moved his hand quickly, clutching Artie's and pulling it off of his thigh. "Yeesh man- how can you not fe- oh, right. Um- hm." The blonde pursed his lips and was about to apologize before Artie spoke in such a soft voice he almost didn't catch it. "Why do people cheat?" Sam closed his mouth, before opening it- waited to find his words- then closed it again because is there an actual answer to that?
Artie's lip trembled and his eyes stayed glazed, but he kept staring in the mirror at his own reflection before turning and looking up at Sam. Sam was caught off guard at his friend's gaze, he never has seen him so- so… wrecked. "I don't… I don't know, Artie." He thought back to weeks ago when he found out Quinn cheated on him with Finn. "Maybe because they're missing something?"
Once he heard the pained noise come out of Artie once again, Sam realized that maybe that wasn't the right answer. Logic wasn't always on his side but he assumed that Brittany did something and he went to apologize before Artie spoke once more- now looking down at his lap. "What were they missing? What… what was I not providing?" Again, Sam goes to answer, say that he did nothing wrong but Artie beats him to it.
"First Tina- goes with someone handsome, smarter-" he practically hisses the next bit out, " -someone who can dance. " Sam realized that it'd be best to stay silent until Artie let it all out. He sorted through his mind the new information, he knew about Tina and Artie used to dating- but he didn't know they broke up because Tina cheated on him, and assuming by the description, she cheated on him with Mike.
"Then Brittany-" a shaky breath "-she said it wasn't cheating because it was different plumbing. I don't-... how long?" Sam was staring down at Artie, but his mind was cloudy as he listened to the pain in the other male's voice. "Brittany … with Santana, I'm guessing?" " Yes ." It was another kind of hiss and Sam realized how pale Artie was. "Hey, dude- maybe calm down a little?" He said hesitantly.
Artie, forgetting his hand was still in Sam's, began to clutch it tightly. "Don't tell me to calm down, Evans." His voice grew icy and Sam yelped when he felt Artie's nails. "Dude! I get it- it hurts, but you gotta ca-." "No, actually you don't get it because you're… you're you!" A beat of silence and Sam let's go of Artie's hand, growing defensively. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh, I don't know- you're this… golden boy, Sam. You can get any girl you want at the snap of a finger." Artie was staring himself down in the mirror as his right hand clutched at his handlebar. It was unsettling to Sam, but he was more annoyed now than concerned. He tried to help his friend but if he wanted to have an attitude, fine.
"Yeah well you can as we-." "No I can't! You don't understand!" Sam's blood ran cold at Artie’s yelling, at the voice crack, at the tears pooling in his eyes. What was he getting at? "Ar-." "No, Samuel Evans, you don't understand the feeling of being so unlovable that you get cheated on twice because you're not enough! You… you don't understand." Silence.
It was the broken sob that came from Artie that brought Sam back to reality. In a quick movement, he went onto his knees- turning Artie's wheelchair to face him as he placed his hands onto the males knees. "Artie, hey, listen to me- you're not.. you're not unlovable." Sam's heart was breaking at the sight of his friend, shoulders shaking as he silently sobbed. Sam didn't have to think twice before pulling Artie into a hug.
His hands continued to clutch at his wheelchair handlebars. It felt odd, to have someone hugging him again. Artie hasn't felt this in so long and he was scared that if he hugged back- Sam would disappear. He just sagged against the taller male as his silent sobs continued to pour out. He felt Sam's hands begin to rub his back and an audible sob left his throat.
Artie craved for the day for someone to hug him again, not settling with a weird high five or an awkward pat on the back because they didn't know how to give him a hug. Dad’s not home, Mom’s working busy hours. Yet now, Sam had his arms around him- rubbing circles on his back and whispering things quietly in his ear. "You're not unlovable." and "You are enough."
Soon Artie couldn't hold back and he found himself clutching on Sam like a life support. Sam found his eyes watering a bit and his voice starting to grow heavy. "Artie Abrams, I swear you're not unlovable, do you hear me?" Artie just nodded before letting out a breathy sob. It soon grew silent once more, besides Sam's silent murmuring and Artie's heavy breathing.
It felt odd a bit, Artie was the most put together teenager he met (besides Kurt but he hasn't seen him much since he just got back from Dalton) and it pained him, overfilled him with guilt, that he never checked to make sure that he was okay. He wouldn't have guessed the male had some kind of self-esteem issue, but who doesn't. Though after this breakdown, San could clearly see it and a bit of him wished he didn't.
Artie's breathing was slowly steadying as he finished crying. "I'm sorry.." he murmured, going to pull away from Sam. Sam just held him tighter and Artie stayed put. "Don't. There's no reason to apologize." Sam replied quickly and Artie just hummed. "People cheat and it's always bad. Whether they're missing something or just want to hurt someone. You didn't deserve this."
The male stayed silent again before murmuring another apology. "I'm sorry for what I said." "It's okay- I know you didn't mean it like that." More silence. They knew that they had missed a period, at least half of it but they didn't care. "How long have you felt like this?" Artie raised an eyebrow, though Sam couldn't see it as they kept hugging. "What, feeling unlovable? Since Tina first cheated I guess."
Sam nodded before speaking, "What about not feeling like you're enough?" He asked hesitantly. "Since.. since the accident. I guess. I always kept it in." Same let out a sign, starting up the circular motion he did on Artie's back earlier. "You shouldn't bottle that stuff, bottles break and like right now- you did." Artie let out a bit of whine, knowing where this was going.
"Talk to me when you feel like this." Artie rested his head onto Sam's shoulder, letting him enjoy the warmth of the other male before replaying. "I don't want to burden you with my pity parties." He mumbled softly. Sam shook his head quickly, "You won't. You're my friend Artie and I don't want you thinking like this." A beat of silence before Artie nodded. "Thank you." He said in a strained voice before clutching at the taller male once more.
"If it makes you feel any better, Tina and Brittany lost big time." Sam smirked playfully, pulling away from the hug. Artie laughed softly, rolling his eyes at Sam's comment. "Well, I could say the same about Quinn." They grinned at each other, not caring about Artie's puffy eyes from crying, because everything was okay now. They stayed silent, just looking at each other's eyes before Artie broke the silence.
"Could you… could you hold me again?"
There was no beat of hesitation.
"Of course."
Artie sighed constantly as he relaxed against Sam's body. He closed his eyes and finally felt cared for.