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Park Jihoon is in love with Takata Mashiho. He doesn’t remember exactly when he fell for him but he does know why. Mashiho himself. He was captivated along with Teumes by this beautiful young man. He could be so cute. His smile would instantly bring smiles to others’ faces including Jihoon. His laughter was contagious. His attention a prized possession. Jihoon was absolutely smitten. He had so many doubts in how it could possibly work. They were so close to debut and he couldn’t afford to lose focus. Does Mashiho even want him? Jihoon may be Co-leader and ‘Dad’ of the group, but he felt lacking. Sure he was a great singer and dancer, could read a room, had a keen eye, but he wasn’t like Mashiho. Adored by all. Is it bad that he’s jealous of the very same person he is in love with? Mashiho gathers attention by barely trying. He tried to focus on practice and readying himself for the performances. Yet, he couldn’t help his eyes following Mashiho. The boy was close to each member, they were just as captivated as he was. Including Hyunsuk and Jihoon knew his friend was deep in love with Yoshinori. Jihoon sighed as he stretched and looked around the practice room. Hyunsuk was quietly helping the members to get their moves right yet he focused more on Yoshinori. Doyoung was watching them both while he tried to help a stiff Junkyu. Junkyu was too busy struggling to notice how Haruto was smiling and laughing gently at his antics. Yoshinori smiling when seeing Haruto happy. This is a disaster waiting to happen, he thought. He turned to find Mashiho crossing his arms at him.
“Are you going to stretch the whole time or are you going to practice?”
“I need to be thoroughly prepared. I’m just as bad as Junkyu.” He distantly heard Junkyu giving an offended noise before Doyoung reprimanded him to continue practicing.
“Do you need help?” Mashiho walked towards him and began to reach up to him. Jihoon immediately knew the dangers if Mashiho got any closer. He quickly pulled away and ignored the look of confusion Mashiho gave him.
“No no, I’m good. You help the others.”
So maybe Jihoon was jealous of all his members. He didn’t envy them, didn’t want to be them. He just couldn’t help but notice the ways they excelled and he fell behind. Hyunsuk was soft and kind, he really was the mother figure. He couldn’t help but admire the other leader. There was a time when they got close to having something but someone else caught Hyunsuk’s eyes. Maybe because Jihoon wasn’t like Yoshinori. Yoshi is a talented rapper, he’s kind, funny, and sweet. Not loud and rambunctious like Jihoon. Junkyu was also loud but he was charming and funny. Handsome where Jihoon fell more in the pretty category. His best friend was really a fan favorite or at least very popular. He was even shipped with Mashiho that it was all he would see when he’d search them up. Did this make Jihoon a weak person? For finding so many faults in himself and felt every time he was on camera he had to make up for it. Trying hard to not fade into the background. After practice he went back to his room and fell back onto his bed. He felt exhausted. He was just so tired.
Trying to show he wasn’t tired was even more exhausting. He didn’t want to worry anyone. At the same time, he wondered if anyone would even notice. He felt overwhelmed by himself. Worried he would somehow mess up and be hated. He gathered as much courage as he could and went to talk to Hyunsuk. He needed reassurance that everything was fine.
“Hey Hyunsuk, could I ta-“
You know, living in a dorm full of teenage boys can be chaotic. Since his members are so young it isn’t odd to find them being weird. As they could be easily entertained. He did not however expect to see Hyunsuk crying while staring at the ceiling. Jihoon automatically went to his friend’s side. He cared more why his strong friend was crying. He held Hyunsuk’s hair and held his hand in an attempt to comfort.
“Hey,” He said gently and moved down Hyunsuk’s other arm that was covering his eyes, “What’s wrong? Why’re you crying?” That racked out loud sobs from his friend and Jihoon began to mildly panic. Doyoung was better at being empathetic and comforting. He softly shushed him, “It’s alright. It’s just you and me.” Hyunsuk nodded and began to speak through occasionally hiccups and sniffles. Turns out he realized he had feelings for Yoshinori and was feeling shame for feeling that way about a member. Jihoon had no idea what he should say. Hyunsuk realized his feelings when he saw how Yoshinori would care for Haruto. How sweet the boy was and it brought a lot of emotions to the leader. Jihoon neither encouraged or discouraged Hyunsuk’s feelings, he felt his friend needed time to figure out what he’d do. So he stayed quietly by his friend, silent support was all he could do. Besides, how could he help if he himself was in love with Mashiho. Despite the fact he knew nothing would happen between them.
Jihoon liked being right and he often was. He would warn his members that certain actions would have bad reactions. “I told you so!” He would say and felt fond in the way they’d pout and reluctantly agree. He didn’t like being wrong, since he was as careful as he could be in his decisions. He had to be. His members needed him to depend on, to lead them. At least that’s what he wanted to prove. That he was strong and dependable. He has never been so glad to be wrong as he was now. He had no idea that his feelings were reciprocated. He’d thought he was so good at hiding how he felt. So when Mashiho found him washing dishes and he turned Jihoon around to face him, he was quite startled. Mashiho pulled him down to his eye level by the back of Jihoon’s neck.
“You like me?” Jihoon nodded despite himself. Mashiho continued to surprise him. “Want to go out with me?”
“Yes.” He said without hesitation. The kiss he received was warm and tasted sweet.
“You’re mine now.”
Mashiho let him go and Jihoon stumbled back until his hips bumped against the counter. He was left shocked at how daring the other was. That’s how they started to date. Jihoon blushed whenever he’d remember it. The way Mashiho completely took the reins. Mashiho is a sweet and cute cinnamon roll but that did not change the fact he was very much a man. Jihoon liked how he seemed to be the only one who saw this side of the other. They decided not to announce to the members that they were dating, Mashiho figured they’d find out with time. Jihoon didn’t know if his members could accept him being with Mashiho so he didn’t protest. Maybe things could have been different if they told the members. If Jihoon had been more openminded and understanding, maybe he wouldn’t have hurt Junkyu. Along with Doyoung. He was harsh with his rejection to Doyoung he had to admit. He told him that they shouldn’t date band members but that was just an excuse. He loved Doyoung but only as a brother. He honestly thought Doyoung could do better and he did. Doyoung fell for Hyunsuk and Jihoon wasn’t even surprised. The other reason he rejected Doyoung was his age. The boy was sixteen, Jihoon didn’t and couldn’t see the other more than one of his babies. He knew Hyunsuk would reject him as well and tried to warn him. He was there the day Doyoung was rejected. He had immediately reached to give the boy a hug, a ‘I told you so’ on the tip of his tongue. He hadn’t realized the damage he’d done until that very moment. Doyoung brushed him off and went to his shared room with Junkyu. Jihoon neared their door and heard laughter. Maybe Jihoon’s heart broke a little. He knew that an apology wouldn’t fix everything. Mashiho had given him a grand scolding. Jihoon had felt so ashamed that he couldn’t even bring himself to tell Mashi he really was just trying to prevent them from heartbreak.
“What were you trying to do? You can’t force people to ignore their feelings. You can’t decide if something is possible or impossible for them.”
“I’m sorry.” He really was.
“Don’t tell me you’re sorry, tell them. And what was Haruto even talking about? With Junkyu.”
“I’ve been keeping them apart so he must’ve thought it was because I was dating Junkyu. He must really love Junkyu.”
“I know he does. For a second there I really thought you were two timing us.”
“I’d never. I only want you.”
“Good, because I’m not sharing. Now hurry and apologize.”
Junkyu of course forgave him instantly. His best friend was a wonderful person after all. He had been worried for Junkyu. He had fallen for Haruto, who was sixteen. The age difference was hard to ignore. He trusted Junkyu of course but maybe he didn’t really understand that Junkyu’s feelings were real and pure. Haruto despite his age was also mature for his age. Haruto had Junkyu wrapped around his finger. He was happy that they ended up together. They succeeded in overcoming all the obstacles that would prevent them from being happy. Jihoon should have had more faith in them. He laid in his bed awake unable to free his mind of guilt. How could he fix things? A swift knock on the door made him wary but he forced himself to tell the person to come in. Tears swelled when he saw it was his boyfriend. Jihoon sat up and tried to calm down. The kind yet righteous boy who held his heart in his hands had an impassive expression on his face.
“Mashi,” he cried and his boyfriend closed the door behind him. “I’m so sorry. I-I don’t know how to make things better! I’m a terrible person and the worst leader, I don’t deserve to lead them.” Mashiho only calmly sat beside Jihoon. He tilted his head waiting for Jihoon to continue. “Do you still love me?” Mashiho sighed and wrapped his arms around Jihoon. Jihoon hugged him back tightly. Softly crying into Mashiho’s shoulder.
“Of course I love you Jihoon, don’t you ever doubt that. Just give them time Jihoon, with time we’ll heal. Next time don’t be so brash, if you don’t know how to help that’s okay. If you need advice, I’m here. So is Hyunsuk, you don’t need to solve everything yourself.” Jihoon only nodded and Mashi gently pulled the taller boy into his lap and laid them down. “You’re human, you’ll make mistakes. To be a good leader you need compassion and wisdom, you still have time to learn to become exactly that. I see who you are now and who you can be. I love both and I’m happy to be beside you on your journey.” He brushed Jihoon’s hair and tilted his face to meet his. “You’re beautiful Jihoon. Flaws and all. I’ll show them. Can I kiss you?” Mashiho didn’t have to ask but Jihoon appreciated and loved him for it all the same. Being kissed while being held made him feel so safe. Mashiho would help him be a better person and knowing he wasn’t alone made Jihoon feel less exhausted. Their kisses were sweet and warm. All would be alright.
Extra:
Jihoon was going to have an ache in his neck but it was worth it if he could continue to kiss Mashiho. A loud scream startled them apart. Not completely, Mashiho continued to hold onto Jihoon’s shoulders. They both turned to see Junghwan standing with a look of mild disgust.
“Is nothing in this house sacred? Hyungs! Get a room, please.”
They both laughed at their Maknae and pulled away from each other. Junghwan walked past them to the fridge.
“Hey Junghwan, do you still think I’m a good leader?”
Junghwan took a long sip of his Banana Milk. He contemplated, opened his mouth, and took another sip. He laughed as Jihoon rolled his eyes.
“I do. I’m still with you, I can’t see anyone else better than you. You’re our Dad after all and we need you.” Jihoon’s heart was able to feel less heavy. “And you also cook for me so that’s a plus.”