Chapter Text
Some memories never fade. For him, that's one of the few certainties he has in a world that seemed ever changing. His memories never fade. It's something good usually, because Kagami tries to always keep the good memories, always tries to use his Sharingan to memorize the happiest parts of his life to keep close to his heart.
Memories aren't helping him any right now. It isn't helping him breathe because his chest hurts from exhaustion and fear, like his breaths have chilled over his lungs until nothing remains but solid ice. It's all replaying in his head. Again and again. Over and over.
"One of us will have to divert their attention." Again and again, his own voice in his head. On repeat, the clarity of the situation, his own words haunting him, over and over.
His legs buckle on the next tree branch, pinning him in place without his consent. His chakra wavers, but his body doesn't falter, not even a little. He can't take another step, not even one more. The wood creaks underneath him from the wild lashing of his chakra as his emotions kept him nearly falling apart. His team lingers, stopping ahead of him to wait for him.
(The apprehension in the air is palpable.)
"I take it back," Kagami says, breathlessly because his chest hurts now as the truth of the matter settles deep into his core. He feels their eyes on him, and he can see Hiruzen furrows his eyebrows with that familiar confusion. "My idea for using a decoy-- I'm taking it back."
Koharu bristles at his side, although he can see she's shifted down onto one knee to rest, leg tucked beneath her gracefully. It's probably to hide the terrified shaking, but Kagami notices that she can't hide her trembling hands. There's a blade pressed beneath her arm guards, tucked in with the bands that hold them on her arms.
"Now isn't the time for whatever this is," She tells him softly, uncharacteristically gentle in her tone despite the uncomfortable way her lips twist into half-hearted scowl. "Kagami, just…" Her voice slowly tapers off, as if she's released the words silently into the air and lost them on a motionless breeze.
He licks his lips, the taste of iron flooding his mouth where his teeth had dug into his lower lip until the soft flesh was raw and broken. He sucks at it until it hurts, just as Danzou comes to his side, his hands pressing against his shoulders.
"We have to go-- it isn't safe," He says distantly, his brown eyes drifting off towards the darkening forest. Almost as haunted as Kagami feels, almost as afraid of unseen enemies, but then again, how many could truly chase them if their teacher was left behind to handle it? How many would actually manage to slip past Tobirama-sensei? (How many would it take before they killed him?)
"We can't ." Kagami demands, sounding more like a petulant child not wanting to get up to go to the Academy rather than moments away from an imminent demise if they're being followed. He swallows hard again, shaking his head, glancing around at his teammates. "I wasn't thinking when I suggested we use a decoy. It wasn't a good choice."
But all of that was lies, spilling off his tongue like thick tar, heavy and ugly and souring his mouth. He hadn't suggested a damn thing because suggestions could be rebuked; what Kagami had made was a true and careful observation, one that he'd realized halfway from narrowly escaping burning to death on a battlefield to fleeing into trees that were too far away from home.
Torifu gives him a strange glance, lips pressed into a thin line as he regards him, although he jolts backwards. His eyes softened and he looked down at his sandals with an exhausted expression.
"It was our only choice." Torifu says softly. "And it's too late to argue it now. We need to keep moving, just in case--"
Just in case Sensei is already dead and we're being pursued.
"It wasn't our only choice." Kagami spits out, feeling an overwhelming shame wash over his skin like boiling water running down his spine. "It wasn't-- Sensei is going to die ." Which had been easier to accept before, when there was more adrenaline coursing through his veins, when it was a question of which of his friends should sacrifice themselves, before Kagami had time to think and remember and ache.
Memories are rushing through his head with every heartbeat. All the good things; the flash of Danzou's proud smile the first time that their team was complimented by the Shodai; the moment Hiruzen got sick after badgering Tobirama-sensei for a taste of sake when he finally gave him some; the sunset on top of that stupid and far too steep mountain in Uzushio that Sensei made them climb as they all grumbled the whole way up. The brief glances that his Sharingan managed to catch before Sensei caught him using it, because sometimes his constant spying irritated Tobirama and his teammates, or sometimes his teacher would just barely flinch at the sight of it if he didn't know Kagami would have it activated. Just a jumble of moments of their team, of their teacher, even at his angriest when a fight broke out between them or they were messing around in ways that cost Sensei money to repair; it was all good . Even some flashes of battles fought as genin, as chūnin, in this war they're still fighting; it was consistent. It was safe, they had each other and they had Sensei, and it was what made them a team. Laughing or crying with each other, being with each other, fighting beside each other.
"We can go back," Kagami says, his eyes drifting from Homura's wide and terrified eyes towards Hiruzen's contemplating, panicked ones. "It's-- it's sensei we're leaving behind. We can't."
"Kagami," Hiruzen murmurs, tugging at his sleeves in an old nervous habit. Tug and tug, the seams giving way to splinter off into stray pieces of thread. "It isn't-- he told us to go . He gave us our orders to return back to the village. We can't do anything."
"And we're listening? The only time we ever listen to him is when he dies?" Kagami cries out, furious. The world bleeds to red without his consent, and he blinks away the clarity of his vision. This isn't a memory he wants to keep, not really, but he's too worked up to try and deactivate his Sharingan. It takes him a moment to calm his breathing. "We're abandoning him."
"He's giving us a chance to live," Koharu offers up weakly, although her face pinches off into her usual irritated neutral. "He's willing to die for us, Kagami. It was his choice. Hiruzen volunteered."
Danzou flinches, settling his back against a tree. If anyone would rally to Kagami's cause, if anyone understood devotion or gave a damn about the life of the person that had taught them since childhood, it would be his closest friend.
"We can't just let him die-- we could fight at his side. We can go back for him," He says gently, approaching Danzou with a single leap to his branch. His friend's eyes are stormy with conflict, never leaving Kagami's red gaze, and the detail of his eyes enhanced. He always did have easy to read eyes, Kagami thinks hurriedly, even when he tried to hide his emotions, he was so easy to read. "It's Tobirama-sensei . We've trained under him since we were nine years old. We can't do this. Dan, please. He's our--"
Family , Kagami wants to say, but he doesn't force the word out because that's not what's done between them. It's implied, it's in their bones and lungs and hearts; the feeling of being family to each other. It's never needed to be said, not after more than a decade of laughing, bleeding, killing, and mourning with each other. It wasn't necessary to say it. It was in their jokes and their fights, even their hurtful spats with each other over silly things, in the way they comforted each other and held each other, or when they would collaborate to mess with Tobirama, all of those little moments that had made up their lives up until this point. Family , Kagami thinks again, always the Uchiha, always emotional one, the one that held far too much love and expected it back in return.
Danzou looks like a rabbit watching a hawk swoop down without means to escape, caught and exposed. Afraid, Kagami thinks for a moment, and probably just as afraid as he feels right now too. Afraid to turn back to die, afraid to leave their teacher to die. Afraid, afraid, afraid.
Danzou says nothing. He breaks their gaze, looking towards the black ground beneath them in shame, the moonlight shining on his dark hair.
"We'll die," Hiruzen says wetly, his voice hoarse with emotion like he was trying not to fall apart in front of them. There was still smeared blood on his lower chin. "Sensei gave us orders , he told us to go so we don't all die. I don't want you to--" die . Perhaps that was why Hiruzen volunteered to be decoy to begin with, maybe that was why Kagami's heart felt so heavy in his chest. It was harder, more painful to be the one to live, to be the one that has to continue on while knowing that somebody you loved ( family, they were family ) was left behind. Kagami hadn't considered that before, hadn't thought about actually leaving somebody until it was too late. It aches all throughout his limbs.
"Now you care about dying?" Kagami asks quietly. "You volunteered not too long ago."
Hiruzen says nothing. He lets out a choked noise, furiously yanking at the seams of his clothing. Koharu closes her eyes, lips moving silently in a way that Kagami couldn't read in the darkness and the way she tilts her head.
"What can we do?" Koharu asks, almost desperately. "We were sent away for a reason. We might be able to handle the Kinkaku Force, but not Kinkaku himself. It'll be a wasted effort, we won't be able to save him. We'll just get to watch it happen." Her hand flutters across her face, hastily wiping away any tears that might begin to linger there.
To everyone's surprise, Homura speaks up. "I-- I agree with Kagami." He says, fiddling with his glasses, letting his fingers drum across them. His hand falls down from them, and his back straightens like steel. "You're right, Koharu, we'll probably lose. Our chances of survival aren't very high. And Tobirama-sensei might already be dead, but at least we could try. And if he's not, we could try to save him. Or...or at least we could all die together with Sensei. We've been together for fifteen years. I think I wouldn't mind dying if it was with you all." His whole body tenses, his limbs steadying and then trembling again, but his eyes are serious and determined.
Danzou nods shakily in agreement.
"I'd rather die with Sensei than leave him behind so I can live." He asserts, even if he still looks shaken by the thought. Danzou's eyes lifted to glance at each of his teammates, settling on his closest friend. "Torifu?"
Torifu smiles, just as he always has when they're making a mistake of some kind. The same smile that flashes through Kagami's head when he goes through his favorite memories with these people, his team. All of the messes they made and the people they've offended, and street brawls, and trips to the restuarant near the Hokage Tower where they ordered as much as they could just to watch Tobirama-sensei break down over the receipt when it was his turn to pay.
"We've been training under Tobirama-sensei for so long," Torifu says slowly, already readjusting his armour and rolling his shoulders. "And Shodai-sama, too, when he was alive. I think even if we can't win, we can certainly give them a fight. We can make Tobirama-sensei proud." He flings his arm around Kagami and Danzou's shoulders, smiling wetly. "I'd be happy to die with you. It's almost fitting, if you think about it. All of us going together like this. Probably divine punishment for all the chaos we caused as kids."
"Kids?" Kagami snorts quietly. "What about all the chaos we cause now?"
Koharu nods firmly, slipping her hair pins out of her hair, and sliding them into her weapon's pouch with practiced ease to keep them safe. "I wouldn't want to lose those in the fight," She says with her usual dismissive wave of the hand. "Saru, it's all up to you. You're the team leader and the Hokage. Are we going back?"
Saru stares at them, his lips shaking as he regards them all. He nods his head, already leaping back towards the branches that would lead them to sensei. "We'll all die together, or we'll live together." He calls back as moves with vigor, offering a wide, stupid-monkey-faced grin at Kagami. "We shouldn't have left Sensei. He wasn't willing to leave one of us. He's a part of this team, and we stick together. We're going back."
Kagami grins back at him, following after his team as quickly as his exhausted legs would take him, heart pounding inside his chest. "He might have left one of us . He just knew you were too much of an idiot to handle being by yourself. Remember that time you got lost in the Land of Rice Paddies, and Sensei had to go back for you?"
Hiruzen's laughter isn't forced, but it isn't as vibrant as it is in Kagami's head. "No, but I remember you all leaving me in the Land of Rice Paddies." He retorts fondly, one hand clutching a kunai tightly until his knuckles were a dark white. "I stop to adjust my sandals for a second, and you all leave me in a foreign country."
Danzou's lips twitched into a small smile. "I remember you getting lost, not stopping to fix your sandal." His face is grim, but relaxed enough for that familiar fondness as he looked at them. "We came back for you, didn't we?"
"Sensei came back for you," Homura adds on, and there's a heavy scroll hanging across his stomach now. He's opening it, skimming over the contents in the darkness, and Kagami keeps that memory too. If these are his last ones to keep, he wants them, all of them. "We took a vote to leave you, but Tobirama-sensei demanded we turn around."
Torifu's laughter fills the quiet night's humid air softly, "I voted to go back for you," He begins, and Hiruzen slows down just enough to match his pace, smiling.
"Torifu, my friend, thank you-- "
"You owed me five ryo. I had to get you back."
Saru's lip stuck out childishly, "I want my gratitude back. You're all horrible to me. It's only funny when we're being cruel to Dan," He gives Danzou a flirtatious wink that sent their friend's face into fuming red from annoyance or embarrassment. Koharu rolled her eyes fondly, and her smile was strained at the eyes, but the world around them settled in a comfortable, shared feeling of acceptance and familiarity. It was almost like it had always been, just the six of them bickering and joking and it almost felt natural, despite the fear coursing through their veins. A distraction, a last moment together. Even despite the overwhelming apprehention and the fear (because Kagami is human and he's afraid , but he isn't going to let that cause him any doubts on his decision), Kagami was secure knowing they were by his side, that they would be with him until the last moment, whether they lived or died.
Soon, too soon, they quieted down, the air around them turning into a burning malevolence of furious ( hot hot hot, huge, burning and overwhelming ) chakra that lashed out. The sounds of metal scraping against metal and the battle cries, the sound of rushing water where there should be none-- Tobirama-sensei, most likely. Still alive, still fighting. The stinging scent of blood in the air, thick and irony. So much blood, he thought, unwilling to stop or slow down, unwilling to give himself time to hesitate. The earth and trees were misshapen and tarnished by the wild destructiveness of jutsu in battle, forcing them to abandon the trees and travel by the unsteady ground.
"We might win," Hiruzen says softly, though it doesn't sound like encouragement. He's still smiling at them. They smile back, a mixture of adrenaline-induced confidence and acceptance and absolute devotion to each other.
They descend into the battle.