Chapter Text
They’d had a fight that morning.
It wasn’t all that unusual for Team and Win to fight, about buying the wrong thing at the grocery store or Team’s unhealthy ingestion of Lays, but Team still hated it. They’d both left the house angry, too annoyed to talk things through. As a result, Team had been distracted all day. He’d tried to get a hold of Win every chance he got; when he wasn’t in the water, he was trying to contact Win to apologize, but with no luck.
When Team finally finished practicing his swim routine for the day – his time noticeably worse than usual – he couldn’t shower quick enough. He was a professional swimmer, and practiced at the same place nearly every day. Occasionally he stayed behind to chat with some of the other swimmers in his club, many of which had become his friends, but not today. Team just wanted to go home, make up with his husband and kiss his stupid face.
In the car, Team tried to distract himself by thinking of happy memories.
Team thought of the night before, when they’d laid in bed together in the gentle light from the lamp on the nightstand. Win had been laying on his stomach, but his face had been turned towards Team, who lay on his side. Team had traced the big angel wings tattoo on Win’s back as he spoke, telling Win about some or other. Win had listened, eyes closed, with a soft smile on his lips. He’d looked ethereal.
Team thought of their date night a week before. They’d gone to the cinema and watched a random movie that was playing, which happened to some new American romcom. They’d held hands throughout the movie, but when one of the extra cheesy, romantic scenes had come on Win had picked up Team’s hand from the armrest and pressed his lips to Team’s knuckles. Team had teasingly scolded him for being just as cheesy as the movie, but inside he’d felt like the luckiest person alive.
Team thought of their wedding day, of their weddings vows, of how beautiful Win had looked. Team’s parents had been there, but they hadn’t wanted to be – Win’s parents had handled the wedding expenses. Team had ignored them, and hadn’t let them ruin his day. And when he’d looked at Win, it was hard not to let his love for him overflow every fiber of his being.
Team and Win had gotten married almost as soon as Win had gotten home from England. The two years apart had only convinced both of them that they didn’t want to spend their lives without each other. Although the day of their wedding had been the happiest day of Team’s life, the day Win had finally returned to Thailand for good was a strong contender.
No matter how many times they fought, Team never regretted having married Win one year ago. And he never would; it was the best decision Team had ever made.
Team wasn’t speeding, because he knew better, but he wanted to. He didn’t want to be in his car, stuck on the motorway during rush hour, twenty minutes from his husband’s familiar smell and comforting embrace.
He’d finally left the motorway when his phone started ringing in his pocket. Because he was driving, he ignored it. He figured it could wait till he got home.
But his phone continued ringing. As soon as it stopped, only seconds passed, before it started ringing again. Ten minutes away from home, he pulled over, stomach clenching uncomfortably.
Seeing Win’s mom’s name displayed on the screen did nothing to ease his worry. He saw that an unknown number had also tried to call him several times. Why hadn’t he noticed?
He answered the call with shaking hands. “Hello?” he greeted.
Win’s mom didn’t seem to have time for pleasantries. “Team,” she said. She sounded like she’d cried; her voice was thick with emotion. “It’s Win. There was an accident. I’m at the hospital.” Team felt his stomach drop.
As soon as she told Team what hospital they were at – fortunately the closest one – Team turned his car around and was on his way.
When he arrived, he wasn’t sure how he even got there. Team wasn’t sure he’d ever driven to the hospital before, but somehow he found it in little more than 15 minutes. He half ran inside and to the elevators; Win’s mom already told him the floor. His heart was pounding in his chest as he waited for one of the rides, almost loud enough to drown out the other noises that came from around him.
The sight that greeted him, as he stepped off the elevator and onto the right floor, only made the entire situation feel more real. Team knew Win’s mother as a woman who always looked proper, not one hair out of placed. Now her eyes were red and puffy, her cheeks tearstained. Her shirt wasn’t buttoned properly, and her hair was messy. She was the only one there; Win’s father and brothers were on their way.
Win’s mom looked relieved to see him, and as he sat beside her and took her hand, she sent him a teary, but grateful smile.
It turned out that she didn’t know much more than she’d already told him on the phone, not even if Win was still alive. The waiting was excruciating. Team could barely breathe; he had to start counting every breath he took to calm himself down.
It probably didn’t take long before Win’s dad and brothers showed up, but for Team it all seemed to pass by in a blur. Win’s mom didn’t let go of his hand, even as her husband sat next to her on the other side. Team was grateful. In those agonizing moments, her hand was his lifeline.
It wasn’t until the doctor showed up that he could finally focus. All five of them stood up, and listened attentively as the doctor told them about the situation and Win’s condition.
Apparently, Win had been in an accident on his way home from work. Something about colliding with a car that’d been driving in the opposite direction. He’d been severely injured in the head and chest area, and was currently in the operating room. His situation was critical, but they were hopeful.
And then more waiting followed. Win’s older brother was pacing the floor, back and forth, back and forth. Win’s younger brother had gone outside. Team thought that maybe he was smoking; it was a habit he was trying to hide from his parents. Win’s dad was making phone calls. Team wasn’t listening to what he was saying. Win’s mom stayed right by his side, holding his hand.
After several hours, the same doctor came back to tell them that Win was out of the operating room. He was stable, but they’d had to put him in a coma to help him heal, and they weren’t sure when he would wake up again. If he would wake up again.
-
A week passed before Win woke up. During that time, Team barely left his side. He felt numb and spent most of the time sleeping in one of chairs by Win’s hospital bed. He only remembered to eat because Win’s mom forced him to. She seemed to be holding it together by taking care of him and her sons. None of them showered, and they probably looked and smelled disgusting, but none of them could bring themselves to care.
Team knew, that if Win had been awake, he would have told Team to go to work, and not to miss so much swim practice. But Team could barely bring himself to eat; swimming was the last thing on his mind. But it helped him, anyway. Imagining Win awake, well and next to him. Sometimes he dreamt about him to. Every time he woke up and realized it was only a dream, it felt like he was being pulled underwater, ice-cold and suffocating.
Dean and Pharm visited almost every single day. So did Pruk and Manaow, although Manaow mainly came by to keep Team company. Del also showed up with her girlfriend a few times. All of them helped Team get through what was the worst week of his life, and he couldn’t thank them enough. As it was, he didn’t thank them at all; not even Manaow could cheer him up, although she definitely tried. But he knew they knew he was happy they were there for him. They would want him to be there, too.
Team’s parents were nowhere in sight, but then again, he hadn’t informed them of what had happened.
The moment Win finally woke up, was one of the rare moments Team wasn’t by his side. He’d left for five minutes to get to the toilet. When he exited the toilet, he met Win’s older brother in the hallway. He was running, and half-yelled at Team that Win woke up. Team started running too.
When Team entered the hospital room, it was silent. The others were all there, standing in a circle around Win’s bed. Team went to stand beside Win’s brothers, Win’s parents across from them.
Win was struggling to open his eyes. The doctor was standing next to him, a watchful eye on his every movement. Team was holding his breath.
Win finally managed to open his eyes. The first thing he looked at was his mom. He blinked, and looked at her for several long seconds, before he said: “Mom.” His voice was croaky, but he was speaking, and it brought tears to his mom’s eyes. Team could also feel tears tickle the back of his throat. He swallowed.
Win’s gaze slowly made its way through the room. It was obvious he didn’t know what was happening, or where he was. Team could see the fear in his eyes; the knowledge that regardless of what was happening, something had gone very, very wrong.
When his eyes finally fell on Team, Team’s heart skipped a beat. Team wanted to take him in his arms, hold him close and whisper in his ear that everything would be okay. He wanted to kiss his forehead and lay his head against Win’s chest, so that he could feel his heartbeat.
But in an instant, Team knew that wasn’t going to happen. Because the way Win looked at Team was not the way Team was used to, like Team was the center of his world. Instead he looked confused, like he didn’t know why Team was there at all.
“Who are you?” he said. His voice was still croaky, and yet it was ever so familiar to Team. But the tone was all wrong. There was none of the familiar warmth, no love, no banter.
Helplessly, Team looked at Win’s mom. She looked just as out of her depth as Team. There was pain in her eyes, and Team knew it wasn’t just because of what had happened to her son. Team had become a son to her, too, and she didn’t like seeing him hurt.
The doctor began telling them about how they would keep Win in the hospital for at least another week to make sure he was okay, but Team wasn’t really listening. He had to get out of there. Now.
While the doctor continued speaking, Team practically stumbled backwards and out of the room. He found his way to one of the toilets. After entering a stall and locking the door behind him, he glided to the floor, hyperventilating.
And then he completely broke down.
-
He stayed in the toilet for over an hour. When his sobs finally subsided, he could barely stand up, his legs shaky and weak. He spent some time washing his face and collecting himself by the sink. He looked pale and thin in the mirror, and his greasy hair wasn’t helping. He could barely look at himself.
When he left, he didn’t go to Win like he wanted to. Instead he walked calmly to the waiting area and sat in one of the chairs, staring straight ahead. He didn’t know what to do. Win not remembering him had never even crossed his mind. How was that even possible? After all they’d been through together? He’d thought, as long as Win woke up, everything would be okay. Team could take Win home and protect him. Everything would be fine.
But now… What did he do? Should he even tell him who he was? Wouldn’t it scare him, to know he was married to some stranger?
Team didn’t know how much time passed before a voice pulled him from his thoughts.
“Team?” Win’s mom called.
Team jumped and looked up at her. She was standing a few meters away. She looked worried.
She came to sit next to him, and this time it was her who took his hand.
“Team,” she repeated, softer this time. She sounded almost apologetic, which was just stupid. It wasn’t her fault. None of this was her fault. “The doctor asked where you went. As his husband you need to know how to take care of him when he’s released.”
“Does he know?” Team asked. His voice was almost as croaky as Win’s had been. “Does he know I’m his husband?”
Her silence told him everything he needed to know, but she replied anyway. “Not yet. But they’re keeping him here for another week, and he might remember by then. The amnesia might be temporary. No one knows when he’ll get his memory back.”
Team barely had time to get his hope up from her “he might remember by then” before he realized what the last sentence meant. No one knew when Win would get his memory back. He might never get his memory back.
“What do I do?” Team asked. “What do I tell him until then?”
Win’s mom hesitated.”Maybe just tell him you’re a friend? Try to talk to him. Maybe it’ll help him remember.”
So Team decided to do just that. First, however, he went home and showered – he figured he didn’t want his husband’s first memories of him to be with him not having showered for a week – and put on some clean clothes. He also put on some cologne, the one Win liked so much. He also brought some of Win’s clothes with him, and a few of his other things.
As Win’s mom had promised, the rest of them cleared out of Win’s hospital room when Team got back. Team gave her Win’s things, and entered the room apprehensively.
Win looked up as Team entered the room. He was eating some food from the hospital. Team knew first hand that it wasn’t all that interesting, but Win didn’t seem to mind. He probably didn’t think about it much; he must have been ravenous after not eating for so long.
He sent Team a smile. He always smiled at people, even when he didn’t really know them, but Team was used to getting special smiles, meant just for him. This was just a regular smile. It sent a pang through his heart.
“My mom told me you’re one of my friends,” Win said after he put down his spoon. “I’m sorry I can’t remember you. Are we close?”
Team wanted to laugh. Were they close? Team had shared things with Win he’d never shared with anyone else, and he knew it was the same with Win. Win was Team’s favorite person in the entire world. Were they close? The word “close” couldn’t even begin to explain the depth of their relationship.
Team decided just to ignore the question entirely. “It’s okay,” he said. It wasn’t okay, but it wasn’t Win’s fault. It was no-one’s fault, really, and regardless, there was nothing he could do about it.
He sat down, awkwardly, on the chair next to the bed. He never felt this awkward around Win. That wasn’t them; it felt all wrong.
Win was watching him, but Team couldn’t get himself to look up at him. He fought the urge to fidget with the zipper on his sweatshirt. Win always batted his hands away when Team did that. For just a beat Team wondered if he should do it anyway, just to see how Win would react, but then he decided not to. Win couldn’t even reach him from the bed.
Team cleared his throat, gaze fixed on Win’s knees. “My name is Team.”
“Team…” he said, as if he was feeling it out; as if he thought saying it out loud would help him remember that he’d said it before. “How long have we known each other, Team?”
Team had always loved the way Win said his name. Sometimes he would say it with a teasing lilt to his voice, especially when he was flirting – even now, years into their relationship. Sometimes, when he scolded Team, it would sound exasperated. When it was just the two of them, he would say it softly, voice full of love. There was always so much feeling behind it. So much closeness and familiarity. But there was none of that closeness and familiarity now. Team hated it.
Team hesitated. “Five years.” Five years and two months, to be exact.
Win was shocked. “Five years? I’ve forgotten five years of my life?” He sounded vulnerable, and Team wanted to hold him again. He didn’t think it would be welcomed, though.
“What’s the last thing you remember?” Team asked softly. He finally looked up at Win. Win needed him, now more than ever. Team had to get over his own feelings and be there for him.
Win thought hard. He’d probably already told the doctor and his family, but Team was sure it was still hard. “I…” He furrowed his brows. “Being on the plane, on the way back home from a trip to Greece. My parents…”
“Used to own a resort there,” Team said. “Yeah, I know.”
“We don’t anymore?”
Team shook his head. “Your dad sold it half a year later. That trip was six years ago. Just before–”
“Just before I started university.”
Team swallowed. Just a year before Win met Team. “Yeah.”
“We must know each other well,” noted Win. “If you know about my dad’s business and business decisions from six years ago.” He usually didn’t discuss work with his friends, not even now.
“Your business,” Team corrected. “You work there now, too.”
Win nodded slowly. He’d always known he would, but in his timeline, it wouldn’t happen for several years. “What else is my life like, now? Is… Am I still friends with Dean?”
If Team was honest with himself, it hurt that Win remembered Dean, but not him. But he was also happy. Win would need all the love and support he could get, and Dean was his best friend. If Team couldn’t be there for Win the way he wanted to be, at least Win had Dean.
“Of course. You still see each other at least once a week. He’s married now, to a lovely man named Pharm. They’ve been here to see you every day the last week.”
“He finally found his person, huh?”
Team smiled softly. “Yeah. They have a kid, too. Adopted. She just turned one year.”
Win nodded to himself. “I’m glad.”
Silence fell over them. Team didn’t know what to say. Win seemed lost in his own thoughts, probably overwhelmed by how much of his own life he’d missed. Should Team leave?
Before he could make up his mind, Win spoke again. “So, Team, tell me about yourself. What do you do?”
Team sat up straight. This, at least, he could do. “I’m a swimmer. I’ve been swimming professionally for almost two years.”
Win looked impressed. “A swimmer? Is that how we met?”
Team nodded. “Yes. We went to the same university and were in the same swim club. You were the vice president.”
Win smirked at him. It was the most familiar expression Team had seen him wear as of yet. “I bet I liked to boss you around.”
Team chuckled. “You did.”
Team stayed for another half hour, but it was obvious Win became more and more exhausted. He was still recovering, and Team didn’t want to steal all of his time from his family. Team bid his goodbye, although he didn’t want to leave. Win’s mom gave him a long hug as soon as he left the hospital room. It helped a little.
In the end, Team had to go back to work and start sleeping at home. He had to start going back to his normal life, even though it felt anything but normal. He couldn’t sleep properly, in the empty, too-big bed. He was distracted throughout the day, and he left for the hospital as soon as he finished his tasks and routines. If Win thought it was weird that one of his friends came to see him for so long every single day, he didn’t comment on it.
Dean and Pharm came to see him almost every day as well. So did some of the others, although Win didn’t remember most of them either. Team was hoping they could do what he couldn’t – spark Win’s memory. Team also told him stories about the last five years, mainly about Win’s life at university, although he kept the romantic aspect of his and Team’s relationship out of it. But none of it seemed to work.
It seemed that Win really had forgotten the last six years of his life – he remembered everything up until the summer he started university. He remembered his parents, his brothers, Dean and Del and Don, but he didn’t remember anyone he’d met at university; not Team, not Pharm, not Pruk or Manaow. He didn’t remember anything that had happened during that time, either.
“Do you know who my spouse is?” Win asked one day out of nowhere. Team was sitting next to him in one of the chairs again. He almost jumped from shock at Win’s words. “I noticed that I’m wearing a ring, but my parents won’t tell me who it is. Did my spouse die in the crash?” He was touching the ring as he spoke, twirling it around his finger; a habit he’d developed over the past year. Team did it too.
Team didn’t know how to reply. He didn’t want to lie to Win. Usually, he never did. But it was a delicate situation, and he didn’t know how to best approach it. Realistically, he knew that even if Win never remembered him, he had to know the truth eventually. They lived in the same house and had a shared bank account, for God’s sakes.
But was he ready? Was Team ready? Would Win’s entire view of Team change? Would he refuse to ever see him again? Team couldn’t bear that.
Team felt fear squeeze around his lungs, and he found it hard to breathe. But he knew he had to tell him. If this Win was anything like the Win he’d come to know and love, he would be angry if Team didn’t tell him. He would understand why, of course, but he would feel betrayed.
“I- I do know.” Team took a deep breath, and met Win’s gaze head on. “I am. I’m you husband.”