Archive of Our Own

Every single day, it was always the same thing.

The exact same show, repeating in front of his dulled eyes, day after day, in an endless loop that he’d rather escape from if he'd still had a choice.

Not that he ever had one now that he came to think of it.

Watching the same scenario numbed him to the point that he couldn't recall if a time ever existed when he could still feel things; other than annoyance and disgust for the bodies sprawling and tearing themselves apart in front of him, ready to sell their own children, their flesh and blood and even more to bribe him into a chance of cancelling the inevitable. They were all actors revealing their true colours in the face of death, some were just better than others but in the end...

They were all the same.

“It will all be over soon,” Mark’s bored voice resonated in the tiny room but could barely be heard, the sound of tears overpowering everything else. Mark seemed to be the only thing immune to it. As the woman crawled towards him and held his ankles as she bowed her head on his feet over and over again, begging for mercy. He was always amazed at the sixth sense some humans seemed to possess; they weren’t supposed to be able to see him, and in fact, they couldn't; but some of them mysteriously always found where he stood when they were on the brink of death. They couldn’t see him - nobody could - but they always managed to grab a limb, his cape or the bottom of his pants. It was a skill Mark didn’t deem very useful. He didn’t understand the point in knowing death’s position if it didn’t help you fight it. He sighed and looked at his watch, tsk ing in annoyance when he realized he was running late in his schedule. 

“Look.” Mark glanced at his list hanging in the right corner of his sight and at the last name written in bright red on his parchment. “Miss Park Geun-hye, don’t make this more difficult than it already is for both of us, alright?”

She began to sob even louder and her fingers dug deep into his skin, leaving bright red marks and tearing his skin out. Mark sighed again and rolled his eyes. It was pointless, he couldn’t feel pain - he couldn’t feel anything. He had tried to be nice, but she just wouldn't listen. They were all so stubborn and immature. Why did they always insist on behaving like children? Why couldn't they just accept that the time had come and that their time was up? It was rather simple.

“Ah... that's a death grip you've got there,” Mark smiled at his own cruelty, the sick twisted pleasure he felt when he saw the woman's face darken in horror at his bad pun filled him with energy. Years and years of doing this job brought him nothing but despair and suffering so he had to find the fun where he could; therefore he found his own sense of humour took a darker turn, but he couldn't seem to care anymore. He was way too tired for that.

“Oh good lord and his burnt son! You should have seen your face... I'm sorry,” he said in a honeyed sarcastic voice. “Too soon for jokes maybe?” The woman cried louder and finally let go of his ankles when she understood that she wouldn’t be getting any help from him. The pity rope might have worked on him one or two decades ago, but it didn’t mean anything to him anymore; actually, it annoyed him. She got up and tried to run away from him, but she couldn’t get past the door, an invisible barrier pushing her back violently.

You couldn’t escape death.

“Now that I think of it, I wonder which one of them you’re going to meet… I can tell you one of them is much more sympathetic than the other and it’s probably not the one you’re thinking about!”

“Please, I have children, please, please , take someone else, anyone else,” She sobbed ceaselessly, and she curled up in the corner of the room. When she buried her face in her knees, Mark decided it was time to end her suffering. He kneeled down in front of her and spoke softly while his right hand started to glow a light blue. 

“Don’t worry about that, you’ll see your children soon enough.”

His hand glowed brighter, and he gently touched the woman’s knee, the last touch she’d ever receive in her human life. No matter how blasé he became, he always made sure to stay gentle and caring when he administered the last touch. It was intimate in a way he couldn’t quite describe and taking life, for him at least, felt as delicate and as precious as giving it - he made sure his humans ended their time on earth correctly. He wasn’t soft with them, but he knew some colleagues who were much worse than he was. At least, he had the decency to explain the minimum and to make the last touch as pleasant as possible.

God knew how painful it could be if he wanted it.

Even Mark wasn’t that cruel.

The lighting stopped when her breathing was no more. Mark cleared his throat and then quickly passed a portal to meet with the last person on his schedule for the day. He just had one name left, and then he could finally go back home. Jaemin would wait for him, and they would enjoy hours of rest they deserved. One last name…

Lee Donghyuck.

.

Mark landed in a small dark bedroom. Small, indeed, but it didn’t feel cramped nor oppressing but rather lovely and comfortable. It was decorated nicely in a very subtle yet efficient way. The pale blue walls reminded him of a sleeping sky and the white ceiling looked like a bed of clouds. Wooden furniture was smartly arranged around the room: a tiny wardrobe, a small library next to the window, a desk, two bedside tables and one majestic bed, taking almost half of the room. A small figure was huddled under the blankets and Mark huffed at the sight: as always, humans had things they didn’t need, they were too greedy. This ‘Lee Donghyuck’ certainly didn’t need a king-size bed, especially since it took such a huge place in the room and considering he looked ridiculously small in it. 

Whatever, it’s not like it’ll be much use to him anymore anyway.

Mark walked around the bed to get closer to the sleeping form under the sheets, in the hope to catch a glance of his face, and when he did, surprise struck him like lightning. Dubiously, he checked the cause of death again, three more times, and when he was sure no mistakes were made, he looked at the man’s face once again. Childlike features; flawless, young, and thin skin usually didn’t pair up with heart strokes. Lee Donghyuck’s peaceful breathing lulled the room’s silence and deafened Mark’s mind with impressive effectiveness. 

It made no sense that this man who looked no older than a child would die of heart failure, but Mark wasn’t the one making the rules, and he understood that a long while ago. This reminder stung him like a sharp needle piercing through his skin, his shields, hurting him by grazing the surface of his vulnerability. Long ago, he learned not to question decisions he had no power over, and today wouldn’t be the day he would start attracting some trouble by doing so. After all, it was no business of his. 

With a sigh, Mark knelt next to the inordinate bed and stared at the boy a little while longer. It was no secret that reapers were stone cold-hearted towards humans - it would be impossible for them to accomplish their jobs correctly if they weren’t. 

However, Mark felt the tiniest pang in his chest while he looked at that honeyed, sun-kissed skin paled in sickness, at those plump lips dried by life and those red puffy eyes drowned by sorrow. 

Oh, how odd it was to feel again. 

A flickering spark fumbled and struggled to light up a whole world condemned to darkness. It was ludicrous yet appealing, the candid innocence of hope messing with his mind. Gentle fingers brushed Donghyuck’s cheeks and Mark revelled in the moment and the sensation of having his ghost cold skin against a warm one, a small pit fire heating up his being from the deepest part of his soul until it grew strong enough to warm up his body. 

From head to toe, a rush of excitement ran down his spine at the thought of all the perspective his new-found feelings could give to him, but the more he thought, the more he realized how foolish he had been. A little boy running after his mother’s skirt, chasing the impossible, hooked up on a feeling he was too naïve to realize he couldn’t have. What he desired most was out of reach because that was just how life was.

Life was so cruel.

I think we can both agree on that. 

“Call it injustice, unfairness, cruelty, chaos, but in the end, it’s all the same. We’re all pawns in a game from which we can’t grasp the width. You and me both, Lee Donghyuck, we’re not so different. Doomed by a fate we have no control over, slaves of our own destiny, puppets of the same deceitful master,” Mark’s longing gaze fell from Donghyuck’s sleeping face to wear off into oblivion, getting lost into limbos of thoughts. 

He gathered himself and laughed almost soundlessly when he turned his gaze back on the sleeping man, sadness and resignation crawling on his insides, a bittersweet taste on the tip of his tongue. But hey, what do I know about that… God works in mysterious ways… In a last attempt to memorize Donghyuck’s face, Mark let his eyes engrave his portrait in his mind knowing perfectly well he would probably already be forgotten the next morning. 

“Goodbye, Lee Donghyuck.”

The familiar blue light warmed Mark’s hand, ready to chill someone else forever. It buzzed uncomfortably enough for Mark to notice it, but he shook it off, already disturbed more than the usual. In a hurry to finish his workday, he didn’t linger anymore in the strange bedroom and hastened to touch Donghyuck’s forehead. 

The light faded away but Donghyuck’s breath didn’t.

Fuck.

Mark frowned and tried again, but the light flickered weakly and never managed to reach its full brightness.

What the hell?  

Frantically, his fingers searched for Donghyuck’s pulse point, and he paled lighter than a ghost when he felt it drumming peacefully under his skin. The constant beating of Lee Donghyuck’s heart hammered steadily, confirming Mark’s failure. 

Mark’s own heart flipped in his chest when he realized the tiny weak light that he struggled to form disappeared for good. 

No matter how hard he tried, his skin remained devoid  of any blue. Sweat dripped down his neck and, for the very first time in years, fear took hold of his body and his mind, caging him away from rationality. He couldn’t move away from the bed when he thought about all the implications of this malfunction: did it mean he couldn’t see Jaemin anymore? Did it mean he was stuck on earth forever? Condemned to wander like a soul for eternity?

Two brown orbs cut short any train of thoughts he might have had.

For a second, they just looked at each other straight in the eyes. Donghyuck casting away the last bits of sleep, his eyes slowly becoming sterner as he seemed to finally register the information they were sending to his brain. Then all hell broke loose.

Lee Donghyuck's voice rang into the room in a piercing scream ripping Mark's ear off. Mark yelled back out of surprise. His heart jumped in his chest at the unexpected sound, and he couldn't help but scream louder when he realized what it meant:

Lee Donghyuck could see him.

Fear and surprise were clear on both of their faces and each of their screams got louder and louder, both frightened by the other and unable to calm down and muffle their fight or flight response. It finally came to a stop when Donghyuck grabbed his bedside lamp so fast that Mark barely saw him, but it was too late, and he felt rather than heard it crash onto his skull. His head felt like it was about to explode when a throbbing pain dulled his mind into a foggy state, the world spinning around him in a way he never experienced before.

He yelled again but this time only his pained and shocked voice resonated in the room. Lee Donghyuck kept a firm grip around the lamp, holding it above his shoulder, ready to strike at any moment if need would be. His eyes were wide with fear but strong with determination, only his rapid breathing and the uneven rise and fall of his chest betrayed him and let show his bad physical condition. He looked like an inoffensive frightened animal with his messy hair when but when he crawled back against the wall with his legs uselessly fumbling with the sheets, extending the distance separating them, Mark couldn't help but imitate him. Mark nearly tripped over his own feet but managed to get away from the bed. Lee Donghyuck's eyes were still fixed on him while he held his head in with his right hand, desperately trying to diminish the pain that was currently destroying his skull and his balance at the same time.

"The fuck are you doing here?" screeched Donghyuck, the lamp still held as a weapon. He looked ready to throw it at Mark if deemed necessary and Mark didn't want to risk another head injury, but when he stared at the frightened human on the bed, pieces fell back together. Reality came to knock on his door and came in uninvited. 

He ran out of the room, holding himself onto walls to stay up on his feet. He dragged his legs alongside a corridor and ignored Lee Donghyuck's shouts behind him. Even if he wanted to answer, he couldn't distinguish his words because of the incessant buzzing in his ears. It almost felt like gravity's rules had changed and a sweat broke on his forehead as he desperately tried to stay up, holding onto the wall like a lifeline. With the little strength he had left, he gripped the doorknob on his left and banged the door open with his shoulder. 

The floor came closer to his eyes, and he realized he almost fell, then hoisted himself back up, his hands taking hold onto the sink. His loud and erratic breathing came to a brutal stop when he saw his reflection in the mirror. His hand slowly went up to touch his cheek in disbelief at his own unfamiliar image in front of him. He knew his skin was fair and that his hair was black, but he never got to guess the curve of his lips, the form of his nose, or the colour of his eyes, the sharpness of his cheekbones and the leanness of his neck. To see all the answers he never knew he was looking for, set in front of him on a silver plate threw him in a scary pit of uncertainness and disbelief. 

Maybe the emotion of discovering his own face was too overwhelming, maybe that's why it took him some time to notice the red sticky liquid sliding down from his hair to the side of his face.

It can't be.

It couldn't be. This couldn't be happening. It wasn't possible.

"Fucking hell," Mark managed to whisper in disbelief before the world went black around him.

.

"Back to the world of the living, pretty boy?"

Light.

That's what struck him first. 

Everything was so bright and clear. His headache from earlier prevented him from noticing how everything looked brighter, more vivid, how different the colours looked. It seemed like he traded a faded grey world for a lifelike one. Warmth filled his chest and settled there when a hand brushed the hair away from his forehead. Lee Donghyuck's skin was soft and glowy and so were his eyes while he watched over Mark with undisguised care. 

Trying to check for temperature, Lee Donghyuck's hand hovered a little longer over Mark's forehead, and he fought the urge to lean into the touch. The unknown sensation felt immensely good and soothed his panicked heart, confused about his world changing suddenly without any explanation. Light as a feather, he still felt it when Lee Donghyuck’s fingers pressed gently onto his forehead and Mark frowned at the gesture. 

His frown deepened when Donghyuck laughed fondly, his eyes glistening with malice. Mark took in his surroundings with caution. He was lying on a sofa, probably in Lee Donghyuck’s living room. It was small and shabby, poorly decorated, but some plants helped to embellish the place. Sunlight was filtered through the big windows to kiss Donghyuck’s skin.

“Sorry about that by the way,” Donghyuck pointed towards Mark’s head injury and smiled sweetly. Mark regained his spirits and hoisted himself on his elbows, still feeling too weak to properly sit up.

“It was rather rude, yes, I agree.”

“In my defence, you did break into my house and gave me the fright of my life when I woke up eye to eye with a complete stranger staring back at me.”

“You weren’t supposed to see me.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Mark chuckled at how fast Lee Donghyuck talked back to him. He rarely heard this wit and cunning in a human’s voice, much less in one of his clients.

Clients, victims, call them whatever you’d like to. In the end, the result remains the same.

“Tell me, why shouldn’t I call the police?” 

“Why didn’t you already?” Donghyuck huffed at Mark’s answer and got off the floor to sit on the table, getting farther away from him.

“Fair point. I guess I didn’t have the heart to send in jail a man who fainted out of exhaustion in my sink. It would have been terribly ill-mannered,” the light tone and the slight upward curve of Donghyuck’s lips left Mark puzzled. The human was handling the situation surprisingly well. Much better than himself did.

“Glad to see that gallantry didn’t disappear.” 

They stared at each other for a few seconds, clearly enjoying the company, which was highly unexpected - at least on Mark’s part. It seemed like decades have passed since the last time he spoke to a human without taunting him, and he forgot how nice he could be. Humans were despicable and stupid, maybe this one was just special. Either way, he couldn’t afford to stay here a minute longer. The situation got way too out of control, and finishing his task became more dangerous than primordial. His utmost priority was now finding a way to communicate with the other world and get back there as soon as possible. He couldn’t even imagine the consequences his little visit on earth would have. 

“No matter how much I’ve enjoyed our conversation, I must go promptly, Lee Donghyuck. I’m afraid I’m expected somewhere else,” Mark was already up and ready to leave when Donghyuck’s stern voice resonated.

“How do you know my name?” Not an ounce of amusement was left in his voice and Mark clenched his jaw slightly, ready to face the man before him. Donghyuck had his arms crossed against his chest, clearly withdrawing from whatever connexion they had seemed to establish a few moments before.

“What do you mean?”

“My name. I never told you my name. How do you know it?”

How could he even respond to that?

“I’m not supposed to be here.”

“Well, no shit.”

“No, you don’t understand. I don’t belong here, Donghyuck. I need to go back. I must. The consequences of me staying here go well beyond us. This is not about me, nor about you.”

“Alright. I’ll buy it. I’ll help you go back to wherever the hell you come from, but you’re gonna need, to be honest with me.”

“I always am, but you won’t believe me.”

“Try me.” 

What had he to lose?

"I know your name because you were one of my clients. I was ordered to kill you; that's what I do, for a living." Donghyuck looked at him with his brows slightly furrowed. Confusion and curiosity finally overtook fear and suspicion.

"Does that mean you're some sort of hitman?"

"No, I'm not. Not really," Mark made a face at how vague his own words sounded once out of his mouth.

"You kill people for a living but you're not a hitman? Really?" Donghyuck raised his brows at him and Mark scoffed.

"If you see it that way, then I guess I am." Donghyuck shook his head in disbelief and slumped in the couch, letting his head fall back on the cushion behind him.

"It doesn't make any sense! Who would hire a hitman to kill someone like me? I'm no one!"

"Nobody is 'no one' , Donghyuck."

"You get what I meant," he snapped.

"I'm not human, and my boss is more of a... spiritual being."

"What are you then? A bloody elf?"

"Fuck off."

Mark sat on the table facing the couch, his elbows propped up on his knees, trying to maintain a confident attitude while he searched for Donghyuck's eyes. He sighed heavily when he realized the man in front of him seemed to be completely out of it, still processing the situation.

"I'm a Reaper, Donghyuck. I was sent by God, or whatever you name it, to end your human life and take you up there."

"Bullshit."

"That's what I do, Donghyuck. I have a list of names every day, and every day I take care of each and single one of them. Your name just happened to be on it."

"Then why didn't you kill me if you had to?"

"I couldn't," Donghyuck looked at him softly which almost made Mark ashamed of himself. He probably believed he spared his life out of mercy when in reality if his abilities weren't taken from him, he would have carried on with his day just like he always does. Mark wasn't deserving of any soft look, especially not this human's. 

"Oh shut up. It had nothing to do with sentiment, don't get all soft on me. It's just that... all of a sudden, I physically couldn't do it anymore. It's like I transformed into a human being, that's why I was so surprised when you woke up. You shouldn't be able to see me, I'm invisible to human's eyes, I can't even see my own reflection."

"Well, you look pretty tangible to me."

"Yeah, that's what I fear. I don't know what happened, or why it happened. I don't know how long I'm going to stay here, I just know that I need to go back there, I can't mess with the way things are supposed to be. It was an accident, a simple accident, and I need to find a way to fix it. Could you help me do that?"

"Well, this looks like my ticket to heaven. Of course, I'll help you."

Mark froze when Donghyuck leaned in and squeezed his hand. His skin was warm and soft and Mark's heartbeat raced off at a ridiculously high speed, leaving him breathless and terrified.

"You became human? Does this mean that you were never human before? You never got the chance to experience life on earth?" Donghyuck's tanned fingers were still wrapped around his own slender ones and Mark could only nod, a tight ball blocking up his throat. "I suppose they'll come back for you, eventually. Your little friends."

"It's highly probable," replied Mark in a strained voice.

"Alright then!" Donghyuck cheerfully exclaimed and dropped Mark's hand, allowing him to regain his spirits. " Let's make your stay on earth memorable now, should we? I'm gonna teach you the joys of being human."

"That sounds great," smiled Mark.

.

It wasn't great.

It was a terrible idea.

Mark let himself be carried away with the excitement of new perspectives and by the fluttering of his new stupid heart whenever his skin touched Lee Donghyuck's. He let his mind get clouded by distractions and foolishness which silently led him to his downfall.

The more he stayed with Donghyuck, the more he didn't want to go back.

That was stupid, very stupid , possibly the stupidest thing he's ever done, because whether he had to go back or not wasn't up to him. He knew he had to. Whether he wanted it or not changed nothing, it only made the ordeal much more painful for him.

Now that he'd tasted food in his mouth, scented grass in the morning, heard Donghyuck sing and saw his smile, felt his skin against his own, how was he supposed to give up those things?

He spent the entire last five days in Lee Donghyuck's company.

At first, it was because he had no other option - really, acclimatizing to this new life proved to be harder than he originally thought. In order to blend in, he had to follow a crash course and his own personal teacher was the very man source of all of his troubles, in the first place.

Then, even if finding money, taking the bus, taking a shower or even eating was no longer a problem, he found himself sticking to Lee Donghyuck for some inexplicable reason.

According to Lee Donghyuck's neighbour, Lee Jeno, they were 'glued to the hip' which, if you asked Mark, seemed very unpleasant and inconvenient not to mention embarrassing and voicing his concerns to Donghyuck only triggered a thirty minutes long speech explaining 'sayings' to him. If Mark was being honest, he didn't quite catch everything, but here was the thing: he didn't need to.

No matter how pleasant Donghyuck's company was, it was bound to come to an end shortly. He shouldn't worry about learning the ways of human life when he didn’t plan on staying. 

More often than not, days were spent in laughter and smiles. If one told Mark months ago that he’d be laughing with a human Mark would have laughed in their face, and yet here he was. Mark couldn’t help but try everything in his power to make Donghyuck laugh. The way his eyes would shrink and shine and the way his teeth would glow, that was enough to swell his heart in adoration, but the sound - oh god, the sound . Lee Donghyuck’s laughter sounded like a sweet melody to his ears, bewitching him, melting him into a sea of early morning coffees, sunflower perfume, gardening and cooking, light brushes of warm and soft skin against his own, occasional touches, stars and glitter, gold and sunshine: a sea of Donghyuck. Donghyuck, Donghyuck, Donghyuck, Donghyuck . When he laughed, Donghyuck was all around him, inside his mind and his heart, becoming the beginning and the end of the world, there was only him.

So, Mark made him laugh. Again and again.

He made him laugh until Donghyuck complained that his cheeks hurt, until he had to fetch his oxygen bottle and until they both collapsed on the living room floor in a mess of giggles. 

Mark noticed his own laugh often amused Donghyuck more than anything he could do, like a contagious disease; so Mark laughed more, because it made Donghyuck laugh, and it made him happy.

Cooking, Mark soon found out, was the human activity he struggled with the most. Focusing on several potentially dangerous tasks at the same time while making sure Donghyuck couldn’t see how much his smile affected him and weakened his legs demanded a tremendous amount of work and energy. They tried seasoning, cooking meat, cooking rice, cutting the vegetables, until Donghyuck gave up and settled Mark to washing the veggies and the kitchen. 

“Maybe you can’t touch a kitchen knife without setting the house on fire, but you’re an excellent cleaner, I'll give you that. This kitchen is cleaner than when I bought it, which is a lot to say, trust me,” joked Donghyuck.

"I'm used to cleaning. After all, that's what my job is all about."

Mark noticed how Donghyuck used to flinch and tense whenever he mentioned his occupation. Whether it is because it's morbid or because he didn't believe him entirely, Mark couldn't be sure, and to be perfectly honest, he didn't mind. No matter how exceptional Donghyuck was, Mark didn't expect him to believe everything he said. He was conscious of how suspicious and unbelievable his story was, the truth often being harder to believe that a pleasant lie.

"Here, taste this," Donghyuck was obviously excited when he shoved a spoonful of a brown sauce into his mouth, "So, what do you think?"

It was delicious. An explosion of flavours invaded his new taste buds and rendered him speechless: spicy, sunny, hot but sweet. It warmed him from the inside and so did Donghyuck's expectant eyes, wary of his appreciation.

"That must mean good," he chuckled, while taking back his wooden spoon.

He had a gift to break any tense atmosphere that could settle between them, which Mark was very grateful for as he himself was incapable of doing so, breaking in nervous uncontrollable giggles whenever he was under pressure.

Donghyuck had his back turned to him and Mark found himself attracted to him as if he was a magnet. An itching desire to circle his shoulders with his arms and to hold him close clenched and pulled at his muscles, but he refrained, too uncomfortable to make the first move. Breaking into his house and telling him he had the intention of murdering him was traumatizing enough, he didn't need to scare him off by touching him without being sure he wanted to; but Donghyuck's skin was the best thing he ever touched in his very short life, and if it was up to him, he would never stop touching it.

He only walked to join him and stand beside Donghyuck who smiled at him softly. A few drops of sweat were glistening on his forehead because of the stove heat, but he never complained about it, Mark asked him why and Donghyuck answered with:

"Cooking is never a chore when you put your feelings into it. I'm happy to cook for you, Mark."

Every day, Donghyuck would cook new meals, eager to make Mark discover all the flavours in the world, and Mark silently cleaned behind him, enjoying Donghyuck's incessant babbling sounding like music in his ears.

Mark learnt a lot about Donghyuck.

He knew Donghyuck didn't like silence, that's why he kept talking all the time.

He knew Donghyuck was a happy, cheerful and kind person, always willing to help others even if it meant putting himself in danger.

He knew Donghyuck was incredibly funny and a wonderful listener, because more often than not, Donghyuck asked a lot about Mark and no matter how secretive he was about himself, Mark always wanted to answer his questions.

Mark learnt a lot about Donghyuck, but he also saw what most people didn't care enough to see.

He understood that Donghyuck despised silence because then he would hear his oxygen machine in the background, a sounding reminder of his upcoming death.

He understood that Donghyuck wasn't really happy but pretended to be, because it was easier for him this way. Pretending helped him to feel better. He wore his mask like a shield. Out of generosity, he pretended to be fine to preserve his loved ones' feelings, to spend happy moments with them until it was too late even if some days he just felt like giving up, and that's just how admirable and brave Lee Donghyuck was.

He understood Donghyuck felt like he had nothing left to lose since his life was almost over, he decided to sacrifice because he considered someone else's life was worth more than his own cursed one.

He understood he was a wonderful listener because he felt like he had nothing left to say, his own story was over and there was nothing he could do about it.

What hurt Mark the most was to see how powerless Donghyuck felt.

Mark just couldn't bear his own powerlessness.

"Tell me a bit more about you, Mark. Have you got any family? Friends maybe?"

"Well." Should he talk about his reaper friends, his demon cousins and his angel classmates? Probably not. Not when Donghyuck just made an effort to change the subject. "It's complicated."

"Oh? I'm a good listener, Mark," I know that.  

"Don't feel rushed, we've got all day long, you can take as much time as you need."

"I never really had a family," There it was, this unexplainable force pulling him towards Donghyuck, forcing him to spill out the most intimate parts of his life while he didn't even mind because he wanted to. "Not in the way you'd think," he quickly added when he saw Donghyuck's sorrowful eyes. "I had good friends though. The best in the world. They were my family, you know?" One glance at Donghyuck and his encouraging smile was enough to understand that yes, he knew. "And now that I'm here... I guess I realized how much they mean to me. I like being here with you and I truly enjoy our time together and the things I'm lucky enough to discover, but I miss them. I miss them a lot."

Donghyuck squeezed his hand to comfort him. It only lasted for a few seconds, but Mark looked at him in the eyes and felt himself getting lost on purpose, he caught himself thinking that he wished he'd never find his way back into the sensible world where things are supposed to be where they are.

Donghyuck carried on stirring his curry, and while he cooked, their forearms brushed more times than necessary for it to be a coincidence.

While both of them noticed, not a word was spoken about it.

.

Mark graced his fingers along the strings, dragging out a dissonant sound.

Donghyuck showed him how to play the guitar, and he quickly grew fond of the activity - especially if it involved Donghyuck singing. Everytime Mark had a moment for himself, he grabbed the black fender that Donghyuck owned and practised until his friend would get back to him. These were his own peaceful moments, moments just for himself and for no one else. Having a private life was a concept so foreign to him, simply because he had never felt like he'd needed one - and because there was no way to have any life as a grim reaper anyway, much less a private one. It was his small haven, and he intended to keep it this way. 

He genuinely enjoyed creating music with nothing but his fingers and an instrument, and he knew practice was the key to get better - that's what Donghyuck had said to him. And so, he practised; the prospect of playing to accompany Donghyuck's voice filled him with joy. Lee Donghyuck’s voice sounded like honey to his ears. He tried and tried to find that warming gut-wrenching feeling in another singer’s voice when he stayed sat next to the radio for more than five hours, but none of the voices he heard were able to fill the void inside him as Donghyuck did.

"Hey, Mark. Had to borrow a corpse to get down here. What do you think? Am I sexy?”

"What the hell!" Mark almost broke the varnished wood of the guitar because of the sudden intrusion into his place. Heart racing at an unhealthy pace, he tried to gather himself nonetheless and looked at the young man standing just next to the telly. Only one person would bother to come and visit him - not to mention that he'd recognize this smug attitude anywhere.

"Jaemin, is that you?"

"Of course it's me, brother, have you fallen on your head? Can't even recognize your very best friend in the whole wide world? I have to say I'm very disappointed in you. Very disappointing. My heart is shattering, really."

"Spare me the theatrics. In my defence, I had a rough couple of weeks."

"So I've been told. There was no way to miss it actually, everyone is talking about what happened to you. I’ve never seen Renjun laugh like that. You should see it up here, it’s been a while since we got this kind of entertainment, and to say that you’re the centre of it? You’re the centre of the fucking world, brother. You have no idea how wild the boys have gone, it turned into a real freak show up here. There’s a bet on when you’re gonna come back - if you’re ever gonna come back - and how. Doyoung bet three souls that you’d never come back, I bet five that you would. Chenle tried to cheat, but we caught him, the little rascal. Johnny is turning into a real bookie, you should see that, 'cuz all we know if this goes on he’ll have to ask for a licence to the big boss because-”

“Jaemin, keep it short will you?”

“Oh, oh, oh, yeah, sure. Yuta was mad , like, really mad at you. You pissed him off real bad this time, Mark. I would recommend avoiding him for a few years when you get back, you know, him being our supervisor and all that. You’d want to avoid trouble as much as possible.”

“Tell me about it, I can already feel his foot on my arse.”

"Yes, well. Yuta said you had to come back."

"Did he really say it like that?"

"Oh, I think it was something more along the lines of... 'get his cranky ass back here, or he'll know what hell really feels like' ," smirked Jaemin after his pitiful imitation of their supervisor.

"That sounds more like him." smiled Mark. "Glad to know he's doing okay."

"Actually... I've never seen him more stressed - and that is saying something. You really do need to come back."

“I can’t… I wish that I could but I don’t know how to, alright?”

“Is it because of that pet of yours?”

“What? No! He’s not my… Never mind." Mark sighed deeply and passed a hand over his face, trying to wipe out his frown and his tensed features. "Do you have any idea how to get me out of here?”

"I don't. None of us do. That's why Yuta is on the verge of a burnout."

"When isn't he?"

"It's serious this time, Mark. We really have no idea of what's going on."

Yes. It was serious. It was serious for Yuta to have no solution for it. It was serious for Jaemin being allowed to play with a human's corpse just to pay him a little visit.

It was all kinds of serious and Mark just wanted it all to disappear.

The short relief he had of talking to a familiar soul quickly faded away; more questions running around his head. However, seeing Jaemin still made him a tiny bit less grumpy.

He truly did miss him.

.

The idea came out of nowhere.

Well, not exactly from nowhere, it came from the kitchen to be exact, from one of their cooking sessions.

It followed an indestructible logic.

Indestructible logic.

That's what Mark kept repeating himself while he held the kitchen knife right above his wrist.

He checked himself in the bathroom mirror once again, noticing he looked paler than he usually does which, given the circumstances, wasn't surprising.

He became human, that was undeniable, and he needed to go back to the world of the dead - that was just a fact.

If one really thought of it, the solution to his problem was quite simple.

He just had to die.

It was so simple, yet, he couldn't bring himself to do it. The grey blade contrasting against the white of his skin taunted him, and he had to look away. There were easier ways to die, less painful, but Mark didn't have the time to sit down and think of a way to travel more comfortably, he had to go back as soon as possible. The more he stayed, the more he wanted to. If he stayed any longer, he might succumb to the selfish desire of staying with Donghyuck until their lives ended.

The blade sunk into his wrist.

It went too deep, Mark knew that, because there was no other explanation to why it hurt so badly. He whimpered quite loudly and clenched his teeth. Morbid curiosity made him turn his eyes back on the new injury and Mark felt sick. The blade was destroying the inside of his arm, playing with the veins, the flesh and the muscles, painting a gruesome red painting. Pain overtook fascination and Mark gagged, bile burning his throat but none of it came out.

So, this was pain.

No wonder his humans always looked so miserable at the prospect of an eternity enduring it. He would too.

"Hey, Mark, what are you doing in here-"

The knife dropped, landing loudly on the tiles and time stopped.

Shit .

Unspoken words twirled in Donghyuck's eyes, words his open mouth couldn't get out.

'Are you alright?'

'You're hurt.'

'Are you going to be ok?'

'You did this to yourself.'

'What did I do wrong?'

'How can I help you?'

'How could you do this to me?'

        'You're abandoning me.'

Maybe Mark underestimated his own feelings, because at the sight of Donghyuck's body frozen by shock, he understood how this was the worst idea he's ever had.

Donghyuck came closer to him so quickly he barely saw him move.

Oh, sweet Lucifer.

Mark blamed the tears filling his eyes for obstructing his vision - not that he could have or would have avoided Donghyuck's punch in his face even if he saw it coming.

Seeing, no. Feeling? Yes.

Excruciating pain exploded in his nose and welled up in his eyes.

"Ouch!"

"Are you fucking stupid ?" Donghyuck didn't leave him the time to respond and slapped him with such force that his head whipped to the left, making the air whistle. The clear sound resonated in the tiny room and for once, Donghyuck's skin on his own burnt in the wrong way.

"You probably thought you were being so clever, right? Outsmarted God or whoever the fuck you're working for! But truth is, you're an ungrateful bastard, that's what you are!"

"I'm sorry," Mark said in a quiet voice, standing miserably in front of Donghyuck who suddenly looked like he was two meters taller than he was.

"You better be! You bloody idiot! You’re the king of… of… you’re the king of fucking dumbasses!" For anyone foreign to the scene, Lee Donghyuck would look like he was on the verge of exploding in anger, with his clenched jaw and his murderous eyes, but Mark saw his trembling fingers and his chewed lip. He stupidly worried Donghyuck, and he would accept the consequences, even if it meant losing his ears from the yelling.

"Give me your arm," He did his best not to flinch at the growl but Donghyuck busted him and grabbed him perhaps a little more fiercely than necessary.

"Ouch, you're hurting me, Donghyuck!"

"Not enough if you ask me, so sit back and shut up."

And that's exactly what he did.

He watched Donghyuck's face crumble in anger and worry flash in his eyes at the sight of the wound. He observed his arms moving fast and his hand working hard to sanitize and bandage him while he kept mumbling things Mark didn't quite catch but mostly consisted of angrily whispered 'bloody git' and 'ungrateful pimply arse'.

In spite of his apparent hostility, his shaking fingers remained quite soft and that same softness managed to extend to his eyes and his face until he sighed.

He looked so exhausted.

"Were you really going to leave without saying goodbye to me?" 

Mark left the question unanswered floating in the air, feeling too guilty and ashamed to voice a response they both already knew. Donghyuck sounded like a wounded animal and it shattered Mark's heart.

Donghyuck's fingers remained on Mark's wrist a minute more, embracing it in a warm cocoon. One hand slowly lifted and gently stroked Mark's cheek. Donghyuck looked at him in the eyes and it seemed like he wanted to tell him something, but he didn't. He broke the silence with a sigh and caressed Mark's cheek with the back of his hand, his touch lighter than a feather, his eyes staring at him longingly, but still, he didn't say anything.

That was alright, because Mark understood.

"Thank you," whispered Mark, hoping to convey all the feelings battling in his stomach.

"Don't mention it."

.

“What are you doing?” 

“Praying the gods to have mercy on my poor soul, keeping up with you isn’t an easy task. It seems like they keep testing me.”

Donghyuck didn’t even bother to look up from the letters he was writing. His witty remarks lacked their usual spice and so did his eyes, which looked more tired than ever. 

“I’m sorry, about last time. I really am,”

“What are you sorry for?” Donghyuck usually honeyed now sounded colder than ice and made Mark recoil. He sheepishly sat at the table, across from Donghyuck who stopped writing and stared at him with severity.

“For hurting you.”

“Oh, no. That’s not what you should be sorry for. You were blessed with a life, Mark. We are not all so lucky; don’t throw your chance away.” 

It occurred to Mark only after he saw Donghyuck’s trembling fingers and his clenched jaw that life meant more for Donghyuck than it did to him. On one side it was something valuable and on the other, it was a curse. Donghyuck’s own life was ripped away from him with him having no say in it: the prospect of Mark throwing his miraculous life out of the window must have been an unbearable sight to witness. 

And Mark had been too insensitive to notice that.

“I’m making my goodbyes,” sighed Donghyuck while gesturing at the scattered pieces of paper drowned in dark ink on the table before him. He dropped the subject and Mark knew it was Donghyuck’s way of saying he was forgiven. “I yelled at you for something I didn’t even do myself, that was unfair of me. That was quite…hypocritical of me,” he scoffed tiredly, suddenly looking way older than he really was with regret washing through his brown eyes for a brief moment, “It only seemed fair for me to finally put order into my things, don’t you think? I do hope people aren't expecting me to leave without a final triumphant performance.”

When his smile didn’t reach his eyes, Mark felt something in him break. Despite his attempt to lift the situation, Donghyuck lacked his usual zest, turning the world around Mark much darker than it usually was. 

“It's alright, Mark.”

At a loss of words - like he usually was when Donghyuck was so sharply honest with him - Mark went to the kitchen to busy his hands into preparing Donghyuck's favourite drink. Gooseberry juice. Mark had to admit he wasn't much of a fan himself, and Donghyuck admitted that he wasn't either, but the drink reminded him of his childhood so it bore a special meaning to him.

Mark understood that.

He remembered his first drink. It became his favourite one - whether it was because it was the first thing he ever tasted or because he really did enjoy the taste, he would never know. Donghyuck prepared and gave to him his very first matcha iced tea.

If he were to go back to the land of the dead, he would greatly miss iced matchas.

"We're going out today," Donghyuck's smile found back its natural softness, "Together, without Jeno."

"Just the two us?"

"Just the two of us."

.

The city is louder than ever: cars, music from the shops, giant screens, people. Ten minutes in, and Mark already had a strong headache, however, none of these inconveniences were enough to taint his excitement at the thought of spending the day outside.

New experiences rhythmed his life with Donghyuck; discovering new things and sensations was incredibly thrilling but days began to look like one another and before he knew it, he found himself in an endless loop - the infamous routine humans dreaded so much, and now Mark could understand why.

"There's no point in buying you clothes, we're almost the same size," pressed Donghyuck, one of his hands in the small of Mark's back, pushing him slightly. Mark raised an eyebrow at the gesture, confused about it, but shrugged it off, the feeling of Donghyuck's lean fingers guiding him far from unpleasant. "However, I thought we could get you a little something, as a... memory of your stay here."

"That's very thoughtful."

“Yes, well…” Donghyuck cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed. “No need to make a big deal out of this.”

They travelled around the world without leaving the street, walking from a souk-like shop to a refined Japanese incense store.

A brand new world opened to Mark - quite literally. He smelled refined perfumes and unpleasant ones, saw the finest tissues and some disturbingly ugly ones, discovered arcade rooms and their soothing darkness but deafening sounds. Going from shop to shop with Donghyuck made him realize how lucky he was to experience all of this. 

He'd never paid much attention to humans - he despised them. They were petty, stupid and angry little beings who only thought about themselves and who always seemed incapable to see the bigger picture. His hatred for them ran so deep that he didn’t bother to give their world a chance and that was his mistake. Blinded by his rage and disgust, he disregarded one of the finest creations.

Donghyuck gave him the opportunity to see the world, to truly see it. Thanks to him, he learnt to give another chance to humans, he saw them through a different prism and tried to understand them which he never bothered to do before.

As much as he enjoyed this world, it was full of flaws and inconveniences - it wasn’t an easy world to live in, quite far from that actually. Living here in a human skin helped him to understand that.

He who was death, shouldn’t be so quick to judge, no one should.

“When you’re up there - or down there,” Donghyuck stopped himself, looking like he was in deep reflection for a second, “I suppose it depends on the perspective,” he frowned his brows and pulled Mark by the sleeve of his shirt, leading him into a jewellery shop. “When you’re there do you have an actual physical body or are you more of a spiritual being?”

“Oh,” Donghyuck was more and more open to talk about Mark’s other life. His fear slowly left place for curiosity which Mark found so very endearing, he always tried his best to respond to every single question Donghyuck voiced. “It’s a bit of both I suppose. When I come on earth to work I have this physical envelope but it’s shallow inside, much like an empty box. I need it to touch humans to take them with me, but no one can see me, not even myself. When I go back home, the envelope melts away during my travel, my spirit is the only thing to stay.”

“It sounds painful.”

“It’s not very pleasant, but it could be worse. Think of it as if your skin was suddenly itching and burning very badly: it goes away fast and it’s not really painful, but it’s annoying.” Donghyuck made a small noise of understanding and turned back to look at the necklaces, his hand hovering over them.

“It’s a shame that you don’t really have a physical form. You could have gotten a tattoo, that would have stayed forever.”

“Hmm?”

“I’m not even sure you’d be able to carry something with you.”

“Neither am I,” When he saw Donghyuck’s defeated expression, Mark quickly spoke again. “But I think it’s worth it to try.” Mark got rewarded by one of Donghyuck's soft smiles that never failed to turn his insides upside down.

Persistent eyes were staring at them and it irked Mark for a reason he couldn't pinpoint. He almost felt a growl roaring in his chest when that one particular look made itself so heavy Mark almost couldn't hold back his irritation. In the very same way Donghyuck did to him before, Mark put his hand on the small of Donghyuck's back.

"What are you doing?" Donghyuck said, startled but not recoiling from the touch.

"I've noticed you've been doing this a lot, so I observed around us to see if this was some sort of social custom and I saw that people who knew each other tended to it as well. Is it to signal we're part of the same household?"

"I guess you…could say that, yes," baffled Donghyuck.

"It's quite curious but not unpleasant. It seems effective as well. Since I started doing it that pretentious looking blonde stopped staring at you from the other side of the shop," beamed Mark.

"Was she looking at me?"

"Of course she was. It's been thirteen minutes now." Thirteen minutes and forty-five seconds.  

"Humans are weird, I'll never get used to it. Don't they understand when their attention is unwanted? She was so insistent you could've shouted your disinterest in her face and she still wouldn't have got it."

"Who said I was uninterested?" smiled Donghyuck slyly.

"Oh please , Donghyuck. I know it's your lot, you humans, to see but never observe. I hope I don't have to remind you that it's not my case."

"No, that's quite alright. You've made it very clear," Donghyuck laughed at something only he seemed to understand. Mark tried to keep a straight face to show his annoyance but couldn't help it and smiled while he shook his head fondly.

"Although I must say, as much as it pains me, that you've proved yourself to be quite above the average human, Lee Donghyuck."

"Am I hearing this right? Was that…a compliment ?"

"Cherish it. I found myself to be quite stingy with those."

"Oh really? I haven't noticed in the slightest." Amusement laced Donghyuck's voice and warmed Mark's heart.

They looked at the necklaces a bit more, until Donghyuck suddenly gasped, eyes fixed on something two rows ahead. He moved so fast Mark had some difficulty following him in the crowded space. Having a physical form was great for many reasons, most of them having to do with Lee Donghyuck; but getting bumped and touched by strangers on the daily? He'll never get used to it.

And you probably won't have to .

A treacherous voice whispered in his mind, reminding him of how fragile his life was. Here he was, in the middle of a city with Lee Donghyuck's soft smile and soft touches; here he was, wishing to never leave his side and getting undeniably attached to him when at the same time he wished to go back home. If he really thought of it, the prospect of going back home and back to work didn't enchant him. Killing humans suddenly didn't look so easy anymore. 

Going home would mean going back to an eternity of servitude for whatever sins he'd committed in his past life. It meant no Donghyuck. Maybe it was his punishment, maybe it was all a cruel game of the creator to punish him again . The only good thing he looked forward to was to speak to Jaemin again, he missed his friend dearly.

"Mark! This is perfect!" Donghyuck stood in front of two elegant looking silver rings protected behind glass. Small patterns were crafted onto the band, helping the ring to stand out compared to the others. In itself, the ring didn't look overly complicated yet, it was definitely special and after all, that's what they were looking for.

"You have sharp eyes, Lee Donghyuck," Mark said jokingly, he couldn't help but let a smile out.

"Needless to say. I saw you after all, didn't I? I saw you when no one else could."

Mark mentally thanked the salesman for interrupting this moment as he found his head to be empty of all coherent thoughts, molasses seeming to have invaded his brain. Trying to get back hold on himself, he let Donghyuck do the talking - as he always does, while he gathers his thoughts.

Soon enough, stands before him a nervous Donghyuck with trembling fingers clutching the ring tightly.

Mark swallowed heavily.

"Is that okay if I..." Unusual shyness took hold of Donghyuck and Mark found himself unable to speak properly.

"Please do," he whispered.

Both of them felt how weirdly serious this whole situation was, the atmosphere almost unbreathable.

Or maybe it was just Donghyuck who was breathtaking.

Golden fingers laced carefully around his left hand. Their hands were joined between them, Donghyuck cleared his throat and cradled Mark's hand in both of his own. Mark couldn't take his eyes off him, no matter how hard he tried, his heart beating wildly in his chest in a way he never felt before. Anticipation and adoration rhythmed the flow of his blood, and he let out a shaky breath he was holding without being aware of it. Donghyuck slipped the ring slowly on his finger and then stroked his thumbs lovingly on the back of his hand. He finally lifted his head and looked at him in the eyes and Mark finally understood why humans were the way they are. For these adoring eyes staring back at him, he would be capable of anything - anything .

What a scary thought it was. It was thrilling and terribly scary, to think he could lose what was most precious to him in a split a second.

Maybe this was the creator's punishment, maybe this was a mistake, maybe everything would stop tomorrow on in an hour, but Donghyuck was real, and it was worth it. Every second he passed with him was worth an eternity of pain and suffering when he won't be here anymore.

It was all worth it.

That's what pushed him to grab the other ring, decide to repeat the gesture Donghyuck had for him a few seconds ago.

"May I?"

"Mark, I..." Donghyuck's breathing was weak and feeble, and he grabbed Mark's forearms to ground himself. His jaw was clenched painfully and his eyes watered pain mixing with happiness. No tears fell to Mark's relief and Donghyuck gave him the most dazzling smile Mark ever had the pleasure to witness. "Please do," he whispered, mimicking Mark's words.

Mark doesn't need to be asked a second time as he gently dressed Donghyuck's finger with the silver ring then bent down to kiss the back of his hand. Donghyuck's chuckle sounded like a sweet melody in his ears. Mark hoped he was able to convey the expense of his unaccountable feelings when he looked at Donghyuck's eyes, hoping his eyes were able to say what he couldn't tell with words.

How precious Donghyuck was to him, how he would never hurt him, how he would never let him go.

Perhaps his eyes worked too well, because Donghyuck started to hyperventilate overwhelmed by the emotion. His muscles turned into jelly, incapable of holding him anymore, and he dumped against Mark who secured him with a hand around his back. Doom grabbed Mark's heart and squeezed it. He knew Donghyuck was a dead man walking, all the time he spent with him was reprieve, but knowing it and witnessing his vulnerability with his own eyes were two very different things.

Mark reached out for the oxygen machine, panic hugging his heart. He quickly put the oxygen mask on Donghyuck's face, securing it around his head with the strap, just like he saw him do it several times already.

"Breathe, breathe..." he whispered frantically, putting his hand on Donghyuck's chest under the pop eyed eyes of the salesman, at a loss for what to do. 

Donghyuck covered his hand with his own and laced their fingers, their rings brushing against each other and Mark had to resist a gut-wrenching urge to scream his anger out. He soon realized his incessant whispers were here to calm himself down more than for Donghyuck, who was stroking his thumb again against his own pale skin. After a few minutes, Donghyuck took off his mask, despite Mark's protestations, held it against his chest and gave his signature smile to Mark.

"It's alright. I'm still here, aren't I?" And he smiled again, as if nothing happened, as if it wasn't the most terrifying thing Mark ever saw in his existence.

Donghyuck was right, they couldn't lose time, Mark shouldn't dwell on what happened, or he would spoil the time they have left together, and who knew how short this time would be?

Eventually reality always caught up.

When they were at the cash register, Mark caught a glimpse of the price and guilt crept up his neck. One ring was already more than generous, but Mark was the one who recklessly grabbed the other one, without even asking Donghyuck first.

“Oh shut up about it," Donghyuck exclaimed upon seeing Mark's brooding face. "It’s not like I have to keep savings or anything like that,” Donghyuck said with a noose in his throat at the reminder of his inevitable demise.

"Thank you, Donghyuck. Really, I mean it. I'll try my best to carry it with me."

"I'm sure you will."

.

"This really takes forever - trust me, I know what I'm talking about." Donghyuck chuckled lightly at Mark's antics.

"You didn't strike me as the impatient type."

"Because I'm not . But this," Mark gestured at the open place and the crowd of people before them. "This feels like eternity in a very unpleasant place." 

Donghyuck hugged Mark's left arm close against his chest and rested his head against it just enough to soften Mark's heart and relieve him of some tension. If Mark's heart swells with happiness at the sighs of Donghyuck's cute smile, he doesn't speak a word about it.

"If I had my powers, I could have forced them to kneel before us and let us go through." He stated with overconfidence.

"Right." Donghyuck laughed again, his bubbly and cheerful attitude lifting Mark's mood. Mark couldn't help but return the smiles he received. "Well, since you're incapacitated and since your methods sound awfully rude anyway, I guess it's time to use my powers."

"Your powers?"

"Yes, Mark." Donghyuck brought his face closer to Mark's and whispered dramatically: "The powers of a dying man!" He proudly shoved a 'disability card' into Mark's face.

"And how exactly, a piece of paper is going to help us?"

"You'd be surprised how many doors I can open just with this little piece of paper. A meagre consolation, indeed, but it still feels nice. As a dead man walking, I do not have the luxury to waste time queuing up. Let's go, my friend."

Donghyuck dragged him out of the queue under the annoyed and disapproving looks of the people who certainly had been waiting for hours now. The night was dark and the moon was barely visible, but Donghyuck holding his hand, laughing and smiling with mischief was enough to light up the whole world for him. He was shining brightly in a way that was so mesmerizing it was impossible for Mark to tear his eyes off him - and he didn't want to. 

There was a giant big wheel ahead of him, a wonderful city place full with people and music and light shows, but the centre of his attention remained simple - it was the man holding his hand and smiling at him, with nothing in his eyes but fondness when he looked at him. No one ever watched him this way, with complete trust and honest affection, and Mark never thought that one day, someone will.

When Donghyuck showed the card to the staff member regulating the crowd, the employee gruffed a loud "You're good to go." after only one second. Donghyuck turned back to him and raised a smug eyebrow, proud of himself, the satisfaction of proving his 'powers' to Mark making him feel confident.

"That's an effective power." smiled Mark.

"Told you."

Then, Donghyuck winked at him and Mark preferred to ignore what it did to him for the moment, because that would lead him to his inevitable demise, and he still needed to get into that big wheel.

.

They were both lying down on the grass in Donghyuck's garden. The sky was still pitched black but now strewn with bright stars - some smaller, some bigger, but each beautiful in their own way.

Getting onto that big wheel had been fantastic. Mark felt things he never felt before, the way his insides feared to get further from the ground but how at the same time they were thrilled with excitement the higher he got into the sky. From up there, the city was beautiful, and so were Donghyuck's glistening eyes, reflecting its lights.

Beautiful .

Donghyuck truly was beautiful, in Mark's eyes, no human was more beautiful than Lee Donghyuck and that was the truth he had learnt to accept.

But what about himself?

The more time he spent in Donghyuck's company, the more he began to be self-conscious about his own appearance. He only saw himself twice in that bathroom mirror, and every time he came across his own reflection, his eyes drifted away on their own, escaping something that was nothing but a source of anxiety and endless questions.

After all these centuries spent without a face or a body, he suddenly had to accept this one and learn to live with it in a matter of a few weeks. Humans' beauty standards remained a mystery to him, they all looked dull and bland to him - except Donghyuck, beautiful, ethereal Donghyuck. He had no way of knowing if the face he should now call his own was attractive to Donghyuck or not.

The uncertainty drove him crazy.

"Hey, Donghyuck?"

"Mmh?" He answered lazily, his eyes still fixed on the stars.

"Did you mean it?"

"What?"

"When I woke up, the first time, after I fainted. You called me pretty boy ." Mark's heart thundered in his chest, its intensity threatening to explode and tear him apart in a morbid vivisection, exposing his vulnerability to the eyes of the entire world. In a few words, he felt more exposed than he had ever been in his entire existence. "Did you mean it? Would you consider me pretty?" Maybe his voice came out more fragile than he intended to, but he refused to acknowledge it, his eyes staring stubbornly at the sky, the prospect of facing Donghyuck while having this conversation being too scary to process.

“I meant every single word, and I still do. I would say it a thousand times over because I've never been more sure about anything else in my entire life." Mark let out a loud breath and almost sobbed in the relief of hearing those soft words directed at him. "Now that I've learnt to know you, I'm sure I would say it not a thousand times but a million, because that's what you are to me Mark. You're beautiful. Not only on the outside, but on the inside as well and that's what makes you so special." 

By the end of his talk, Donghyuck was on his side to face Mark, his head pillowed under his hands. Mark still refused to look at him, feeling tears welling up in his eyes and shame crept down his spine because of his overreaction. Centuries of repressing his own feelings to finally have them met - and even more than he didn't know he was hoping for. It was too much to handle, and it finally overflowed when Donghyuck turned Mark's face to him, with a single warm hand slowly caressing his cold cheek.

"Only a million?" Mark half chuckled half sobbed when a single tear rolled down his cheek, almost immediately swept away by Donghyuck's thumb.

"You're greedy." smiled Donghyuck.

They looked at each other, finding comfort in the other's eyes. Words weren't needed because there was nothing left to say. All they had to do was to drown in each other's touch and swim in each other's eyes. Now more than ever, they understood each other.

"We should go back inside," Donghyuck said without motivation, hating to have to break the moment. Mark sighed and closed his eyes, covering Donghyuck's hand with his own, his fingers playing with Donghyuck's silver ring. "I know . But today was a tiring day, and we both need some rest."

.

When the sun filtered through the thin curtains to rest its light on Donghyuck's cheek, Mark couldn't help but reach out and gently cup his face, basking into the godlike view he had the honour to see.

Donghyuck slowly woke up and smiled when he saw Mark next to him. They both decided to sleep in the same bed last night, without really talking about it - they were exhausted but didn't want to leave each other's side, so they didn't, it was as simple as that.

Donghyuck sighed and closed his eyes again, shifting imperceptibly closer to Mark, leaning into his touch while his smile never failed.

Mark smiled back and stroked his thumb gently across Donghyuck's cheek in soft circles, feeling his smooth skin.

Donghyuck's smile got bigger.

"Haechan," Mark whispered fondly.

"What? What's that?" giggled Donghyuck.

"You." Donghyuck opened his eyes, and Mark found enough trust in them to gather enough courage to say it. "You're my full sun, Haechan." Donghyuck let out a shaky breath and his eyes started to well up with tears but none of them fell, chased away by his dazzling smile. He laughed, the clear melodic sound wrapping Mark's heart in its warmth, and closed his eyes before he covered Mark's hand with his own.

"Oh, I like that."

.

"Hi, Mark."

"Jesus!" Mark jumped, and desperately tried to calm his erratic heart by placing a hand on his chest. He was practising his guitar chords while Donghyuck was out grocery shopping. He had insisted on coming with him but Donghyuck denied. The exact reason escaped Mark's logic, but he would bet that it had something to do with pride - or denial.

"No, it's just me." The young corpse that Jaemin had already borrowed last time, moved with surprising elegance to stand in front of him. "You didn't answer my question last time." Jaemin stretched out his arms so as to expose himself and turned on himself to give Mark the full view. "Am I sexy like this?"

“You would be if that hot pink hair didn’t ruin everything.”

“Rude. I’ll have you know that hot pink is the number one trending colour.”

“Doesn’t mean it looks good on you.” Mark deadpans.

“I will not have this conversation.” Mark laughed at his friend's familiar behaviour, comforted into some sense of security.

"What are you doing here anyway?"

"Just checking on you." He said innocently. But nothing was ever innocent with Jaemin.

"But it's not just that, is it? Yuta wouldn't allow it. Why are you here?" Mark asked more firmly, all traces of amusement having left his face already.

"We've noticed a certain... change in your behaviours Mark. We're concerned for your safety. You don't seem to want to find a way back anymore, and we... Mark, you seem a little too... attached to this human of yours. At first, it was funny, but the more your affection grows, the more dangerous it becomes."

"You're here to watch me," Mark said, his chest heavy with betrayal. At the end of the day, his existence would always find a way to catch up to him. What he had with Donghyuck was nothing but a mere image of what heaven could be - only to have it snatched away from him.

"That was you... Yesterday in the jewellery shop. You're the one who tried to stop Donghyuck's heart, is that right?" Anger started to boil from the bottom of his soul up until his throat.

"We can't afford to lose you, Mark. It's too dangerous to have him around."

"Fuck you!" Mark spat with all the hatred that began to spill out of his being. " Fuck you, fuck all of you!" Jaemin at least had the decency to look sheepish.

"For once in my entire existence, I felt like someone. I felt like I was alive and loved. Can you imagine what this feels like?"

"No. No, I can't. But that's the whole point, Mark. We're not supposed to feel that. This is not our role. We have a job to do."

"Is that why you're here now? To finish what you started?"

"You were the one who started this, Mark. Remember? You were the one who was sent here and you were the one who couldn't do it!"

"What are you trying to say exactly?" Yelled Mark.

"Yuta thinks there's nothing wrong with the system. He says everything is in order, and it doesn't come from the big boss either. We think... we think that it comes from you Mark. You didn't lose your powers, you rejected them."

"When I saw him... I just couldn't do it." Mark deflated and sat down, unable to keep himself up anymore. He took his head in his hands and tried to breathe as evenly as possible to prevent the tears of frustration from falling down. "I don't know why. I've had much worse before. Kids, mothers, fathers, families, lots of people who didn't deserve what happened to them."

Mark raised his head and looked at Jaemin straight into his eyes. "But Lee Donghyuck, he had - he has- something special. It pulled me from the soul and I can't seem to get away from him, and I don't want to. He's special to me. I was sick of waiting, and I finally got everything I didn't know I was dreaming of."

"I'm so sorry to take it from you, but we have no other choice."

"Please, please Jaemin. Don't. I'll do everything, but please, let him leave." Mark pleaded, getting up to grab his friend's shoulders. 

"I'm sorry, Mark. He's already been here for far too long. He's supposed to be elsewhere, this can't go on and you know it. This isn't even about you... You have to let him go. His soul deserves rest."

"Please..." Mark knew Jaemin's word would be final, and deep inside himself, he knew his friend was right, but he couldn't bring himself to accept it. Exhaustion took hold of his body, he slumped on Jaemin, his head on the deadman's shoulder which was freezing cold. He sought for comfort he couldn't find even when his friend's arms held him.

"Yuta says that you have to be the one who does it. For you to come back, you have to finish your task." Jaemin's hesitance was clear but before he could voice his own opinion on the matter, Mark tried his best to bargain.

"Could you try to give us more time? Just a few more days, please, I beg you."

"I'll try my best, but I can't promise you anything."

.

It turned out they wouldn't have days; just a few more hours of respite.

When Donghyuck came back from the grocery store, Mark engulfed him into a hug and held him tight to his chest, bathing into the sound of his friend's surprised laugher filling the room. Mark wanted to feel him, to keep him close until he couldn't anymore. He buried his nose in Donghyuck's soft hair and then in the crook of his neck, drowning in his dizzying scent.

"What's wrong with you?" Enquired Donghyuck, dazed by the sudden change of behaviour. Mark was never one to instigate such contacts, he was never so forward.

"Nothing," Mark whispered. He felt the break in his own voice and knew Donghyuck heard it too when he dropped the bags to cradle Mark's head with his hand, his silver ring leaving a cold trail amongst his hair. His other arm circled around Mark's back and Donghyuck held him firmly against his chest, trying to reassure the other by returning the intensity of the hug.

"I'm not going anywhere." Mark nodded into his neck, his fists clenching onto his shirt out of pure frustration.

.

Seventy minutes later, Mark's hands started to glow blue.

"No, no, no, please , God, no. " Mark felt the world stop around him. "We were supposed to have days !" Panic gripped his throat and Donghyuck gasped at him. Donghyuck tried to get closer to Mark who backed down until his back hit the wall behind him, setting a huge distance between them.

"Stay away from me." He warned, voice harsh and unforgiving.

"Mark..." Of course, of course, Donghyuck wanted to help him because that's just what he does, that's who he is. However, when Donghyuck saw the blue light coming from the hands Mark was desperately trying to hide behind his back, his worry slowly eased into understanding and something much more frightening - acceptance.

"It's alright, Mark. It's alright." He said, his voice soothing.

"No, it's not ! How could you say that?" Mark tried to breathe but felt like air couldn't go in his chest anymore, his heavy breathings interspersed with sharp intakes of air making his lungs wheeze.

"I need to go, Mark. So do you, you said it yourself. We're simply both going to the place we're supposed to be."

"But..." Mark looked into Donghyuck's indulgent eyes and let his last barriers scramble down. "I don't want to," He whimpered miserably. 

Donghyuck only gave him one of these small smiles that could ease any soul on earth and stepped closer to him, slowly, as if to not frighten him. Mark was the one who was centuries old, Donghyuck didn't even know what was on the other side, yet, he was the one comforting him. Lee Donghyuck truly was incredible.

He thought of the future they could have had together, the house they could have built together, the stray dogs they would have welcomed as if they were their own, the hours singing and playing the guitar together... all of this vanished in a matter of seconds. A dream dusting away completely out of reach, and there was nothing he could do about it. The list he learnt to hate in the corner of his eye made sure to remind him of that. Only one name glowed in this bloody bright red.

Lee Donghyuck.

"It's unfair!" Tears fell down his cheeks, his voice not holding any strength anymore, knowing the end was inevitable.

"Life is unfair, isn't it?" huffed Donghyuck sarcastically.

"Apparently so is death." Mark's voice wavered, and he dropped his head, surrendering completely. He let Donghyuck come closer to him, too tired to fight him.

It was so cruel.

Mark suddenly felt remorse for all those times he tormented his clients. He played them like pawns only to be in the same position as them days and years later.

He got what he deserved, but Donghyuck had nothing to do with all of this.

"Aren't you scared? To die?"

"I'm terrified, Mark. But I accepted my fate a long time ago. I'm grateful for the time we could spend together." Donghyuck spoke as he kept stepping closer. "My only regret is that you didn't get the chance to experience a longer life. You deserved more." 

Mark abruptly raised his head and saw the few silent tears rolling down Donghyuck's cheeks. He itched to hug him close to his chest and to never let go, to cradle his beautiful face in his hands and kiss these tears away, but he was too frightened of what might happen if he did. He got closer anyway, until they were only a few centimetres apart.

"Donghyuck, look at me." Mark's breathing evened out when he managed to focus enough to convey all the emotions he wanted to Donghyuck. "Listen to me very carefully. Nothing, nothing , makes me feel more alive than being with you. You make me human, Lee Donghyuck, and nothing in the world will ever change that. I may go back there, but you changed me forever." Donghyuck smiled through his tears. 

The tension that built up in his chest finally exploded in a tiny wild sob disguised as a chuckle. They stared into each other's eyes, connecting their souls when they physically couldn't. Donghyuck's eyes were so open for him, displaying a lifetime of memories and emotions so wild Mark felt overwhelmed. The amount of trust and love he received made him feel unworthy of it. He only hoped that he was able to return it tenfold through his own eyes he learnt to love.

“I never thought I would ever have this. What we have." Donghyuck's trembling voice felt like a farewell and his crying started again. He bit his lip hard to drown out the sobs and only focused on Donghyuck's eyes, Donghyuck's words, Donghyuck's scent, only on Donghyuck. "I thought it was too late for me. I thought that I would die alone. But you came, literally out of nowhere," He chuckled, making this wonderful heart-warming song. "And you gave it to me. Thank you, Mark. Thank you for everything.”

"I love you, Lee Donghyuck."

Mark didn't need words to know Donghyuck felt the same. He did nothing but show it to him, every second he spent in his company, through his words, through his actions, and right now, through his eyes and through his sunny smile; and Mark understood.

Lee Donghyuck deserved to rest, this was more important than Mark's pitiful existence, this was more important than anything.

So Mark closed the gap between them and sealed their lips together, kissing him goodbye.

Their first kiss would also be their last, and love mingled with sadness and desperation while they held each other to anchor themselves, to make sure the other was still here. Their hands furrowed into strands of hair, traced down shoulder lines, grabbed onto cheeks like a lifeline, caressed arms in a much softer way, rested on backs in perfect serenity. 

They didn't have time - the harsh melted with the soft, their teeth crashed together, but their tongue gently caressed each other. Their lips brushed gently but were crashing together the next second, both of them pressing so hard as if to get under the other's skin. It was salty and desperate and loving and both of them wanted it to never end.

Reality was much more cruel than dreams.

Donghyuck slowly faded away out of his body and Mark sobbed loudly, holding Donghyuck's face and bringing their foreheads together, trying to engrave him into his memory forever.

"No, no, no, no please no. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Donghyuck smiled and rubbed his thumbs to chase away Mark's tears - his own already long gone. His face was open, peaceful, and he didn't leave Mark's eyes until his last breath.

"I love you."

Donghyuck's eyes turned unto empty glass and his body grew limp in his arms. A scream ripped out Mark's throat, holding all his rage and sadness, trying to find a way to mitigate this pain that destroyed everything on its path until there was nothing left of him. 

He stood there, lethargic, until he gathered enough courage to carry Donghyuck's body onto his bed, kissing his forehead one last time before leaving this earth forever, accompanying his soul into the world of the dead. 

Life had already been sucked out of him, there was no point for him in staying here.

He didn't remember the trip to be so painful. It wasn't supposed to be so painful.

It felt like he was skinned alive, ripped apart and burnt, tossed from one side of the planet to the other, toyed with by spiritual forces much stronger than him, and he was rendered completely powerless.

When he finally detached from his human body and recovered his reaper form, he felt the ghost of his heart sink into the chest he couldn't feel anymore. He ignored his friends and followed Donghyuck's soul, making sure he would rest into the right place, right where he belonged.

And his soul did go to the right place, with him as a witness.

The few remaining energy completely left him after he had his confirmation. His reaper body sagged uselessly and dropped onto the floor. His swallow envelope refusing to respond to a spirit who didn't want to control it anymore. His friends gathered around him and laid hands on his back. They knew he couldn't feel the touch - none of them could - but they must have used a human gesture to try and comfort him.

It only made him feel worse.

Having a taste of heaven and going back to hell was a penitence he wasn't strong enough to make, especially when he knew he brought it on himself.

"Mark." Yuta.

"I can't do it. Not anymore. And I won't apologize." Mark braced himself for shouts that never came.

"It's alright. You worked hard. You did well. You can rest now."

Mark wails - all his pain and relief pouring out of him in a heart-wrenching sound while his reaper body slowly disintegrates into oblivion.

He was free to go wherever he wanted, and so his soul moved on its own, following the only sunlight he learnt to love and cherish for eternity, catching its magnificent source and resting with it forever.

His Haechan.