Work Text:
It was not an unusual thing for Dio to fuck, after all he was known to be the horniest mf in all of Egypt but today he was thirsting for someone new... a certain himbo the himbo in question was in fact hol horse himself. Hol was like a fresh piece of meat and Dio was a lion closing in on his prey, he WOULD get hol horse in his grasps... god he couldn’t believe that he wanted a man that smelled like old cottage cheese and axe cologne but he’s fucked a man named vanilla ice so his taste was never quite good. Dio decides in order to get hol he will invite hol horse to his chambers for a glass of wine amd from there on hol horse would find him irresistible except it didn’t work out that way at all... when he tried to make his advances on hol it didn’t even seem to faze the cowboy! So Dio decided to go I for the kill 😈😈 he placed his big sexy Yaoi vampire hands on hols waist and whispered in his ear
“You don’t know what you do to me hol 😏😏” he said in his fuckboy ©️ tone, ‘this was it’ Dio thought until hol horse went
“Aw shucks you’re making me blush! I’m glad you see me as a friend Dio! 😸😸”.
Dio almost slapped him right there and then how could this dude be so dense!?!?! He wanted to get in his pants! not be ‘good friends’. Th looked down in his arms again.. hol was fast asleep I his arms,,, well Dio supposed he was kinda cute. And for the first time in his life the Dio Brando had developed feelings for a cowboy himbo who didn’t shower regularly, ‘God what have I become’ he thought blushing ‘I’m supposed to be the one people simp over!!! 😡😡😡’.
As the weeks went on Dio and hol got increasingly closer and hol horse got increasingly more stupid, Dio would make obvious advances and hol would interpret them as friendly.
“ you look v e r y nice today 😈😈” he said in his best seductive©️ tone
“Why thanks Dio 🤠🤠” hol horse said and started to cuddle up beside Dio “I always appreciate your compliments 😸😸” Dios whe twitched how could this sexy beast of a man not realize Dio wanted him desperately!?!?! This was ridiculous! And in that moment he had a brilliant idea how had he not thought of this before!?!?! So he reached down and kissed hol like the alpha male he is 😈😈💯💯💯 hol looked hot at him and smiled. ‘Did I finally do it? Dio thought excitedly had he finally gotten through to this dense fuck?!?!’.
As the next week went on Dio and hol started to get even closer, this time they were making out in the wine cellar and Dio started to bite hols neck a little to get that cowboy blood 😩😩 (tastes like dirt and the colour blue if anyone was wondering) so Dio goes
“How about we take this relationship a step further 😏😈” he smirks looking into his potential boyfriends eyes
“What like best friends 😸😸?” Hol says cluelessly, and Dio almost snaps right there and then, he sighs
“Yes hol best friends” he says sarcastically, hol just smiles and looks up at Dio with his beautiful dumb stupid blue eyes (does he have blue? Idk I’m making that canon now 🤩) and goes
“Ya now Dio is you were a lady I’d date you in a heartbeat” and Dio resists the urge to strangle this stupid manwhore infont of him
The next day comes and hol horse is just in the kitchen and vanilla ice comes up to him
“So are you and Dio finally a thing yet?” He asks, hol gives him a confused look
“A thing? What do you mean? We’re just good friends 😸😸 plus it’s not like two guys could like each other, that’s impossible!” Vanilla ice gives him a disgusted look
“You know we’re all gay right? If you’re going to be homophobic get the hell out” he says with absolute confidence
“What’s being gay?” Hol asks with real confusion and vanilla nearly kills hol horse
“You know when you date the same sex?”
He says unimpressed
“You can do that??”
“Yes you imbecile!”
“ vanilla can I be gay and like women?” Hol asks like a confused teen questioning his sexuality, vanilla sighs
“It’s called being bisexual, that’s what lord Dio is” and hols face goes red
“YOU MEAN I COULD HAVE A FINE PIECE OF ASS LIKE DIO THIS WHOLE TIME AND NO ONE TOLD ME?!?!?!” He asks shocked
“ITS YOUR FAULT YOU WENT YOUR WHOLE LIFE WITHOUT REALIZING BEING GAY WAS A THING! HOW DID YOU NOT REALIZE YOU FUCKING IDIOT”
“I don’t know I thought making out with your best was normal!” Vanilla ice gives him this irritated look
“You mean to tell be you just platonically made out with your ‘best friend’ “
“Yes?” Hol asks confused, ice just sighs
“Hol I think you’ve been in multiple gay relationships including Dio and were too stupid to notice” hol gives him this shocked look and runs upstairs, he needs to find lord Dio! He gets to the library where Dio is reading and bursts in the doors yelling
“DIO ARE WE IN A GAY RELATIONSHIP!?!” Dio just looks and him tiredly and goes
“Yes hol” and hol horse gets awfully flustered for someone that’s supposed to be a fuckboy
“So can I like kiss you 😳😳 In a gay way” hol horse asks And Dio leans in and gives him a smooch and at that moment hol horses gay awakening completes.
Anyways hol horse is dios stupid himbo boyfriend and they hold hands the end 😸.