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A small grunt left your lips as you darted down the hallways of the Enterprise, barely shy of a full sprint as you rubbed ruefully at the budding pain in your chest. This can’t be happening now.
You had noticed it earlier, an increase in your usual fidgeting along with a hint of nervousness welling up, it was all the warning you needed to know that at some point soon all your past week of stress was going to catch up with you. There was no doubt you were going to miss dinner with how your anxiety was slowly warming up into a full blown attack.
Anxiety was something you’d had to live with for many years, a less than perfect home life along with pressure from your parents to conduct every task perfectly only aggravated the condition. Not to mention the shitshow when you were professionally diagnosed after an attempt on your life, your family had feigned their worry until you arrived home where they promptly warned you to quit your faking or they’d send you off to join StarFleet, a threat that terrified you at the time.
You were livid and snapped at them, and they honored their threat, but they had no idea what a confident and powerful person the fleet would turn you into, and they definitely had no idea how much you’d fall in love with space travel.
Not that your love of this ship and it’s crew would help the way your body grew viciously tense at the sight of another person, or how your breathing picked up when a friend would wave before trying to halt you after seeing the tears beginning to pool. Shrugging off their hands with a weak excuse you pushed past and around the corner, breathing a harsh sigh of partial release at the sight of your quarters, because after all, what you hated most about your attacks was someone seeing you in such a weak and vulnerable state.
With the tears now flowing down your reddening cheeks, you couldn’t see your superior officer until you collided with him, vision overtook by the deep blue of his uniform shirt. Spock. “Ah, Lieutenant, I wished to discuss this part of your report where-” His voice halted as he noticed the wet on his shirt, precisely where your face had hit. “Lieu-”
“Apologies Commander, I’ll have to discuss that with you at a later time.” You winced at how gravely and strained your voice sounded, “I am...indisposed at this moment.” The formalities were forced and uncharacteristic of yourself and he knew it, although he didn’t stop you as you extracted yourself fully from his chest and slipped around him, positive that from the small amount of contact the Vulcan had easily made your emotions clear to him.
Entering your quarters allowed your body to release some of it’s tension as you locked the door behind you and took firm guided steps to the corner of the room you felt safest in, before everything became too much and you crumpled to the floor. The sobs racking your body hurt, they always did, but the contortion of your body pressed firmly against the chosen corner eased some of the panic you were experiencing.
“Shhh, you’re okay, you’re okay.” Your mantra began, though it hardly helped the sound of a voice calmed you somewhat. Knees curling up and pressing tight to your chest allowed you to hug them, providing the physical comfort you need. At least it was, before the alert of the door raised your panic right back up to ten, your body desperately trying to convince you that you were trapped and in danger.
It was too much.
“Lieutenant?” It was Spock again. “I am concerned about your current mental state, would you mind allowing me to enter?” Concern? You mused, the action of him admitting such a thing was strange. Chest throbbing in irrational terror, you steadied your voice enough to offer a weak reply.
“Please, Spock. Not now. I’ll be just fine but I need to be left alone.”
“I’m afraid I cannot allow that. You...are a friend, and I am deeply worried.” The openness of those words stunned you but instead of letting go of your terror and accepting another person’s comfort, you hunkered down and didn’t bother trying to hide the desperate strain in your voice.
“Damnit Spock. Leave. Me. Alone!”
There was a minute of silence on the other side of the door before he firmly began entering a code into your door’s panel. The sonofabitch was using his security clearance code! Tears and stress at an all time high, you pressed your face into your knees, hiding the mess you had ultimately become from his prying eyes as the door slid open and closed swiftly behind him.
The tension was palpable in the room and you desperately tried to keep your sobs inaudible, but you knew he heard them, if his slight inhale was anything to go by. “Y/n…” He murmured before slowly walking towards you and settling on his knees before you. “Tell me what has happened? Has someone upset you? I will personally see to it that they are severely reprimanded.”
The statement was sweet but a louder sob ripped out of you before you could reply. “I wish it was only that…”
A hissed whimper exited your lips when the throb in your chest made itself known and you could practically feel his concern grow as you brought a fist up to beat on your chest, providing a more physical pain to ground you. When his attention would not leave you, your eyes finally looked up.
Spock’s face, although stoic, betrayed the worry in his eyes as it took in your red, tear stricken face. “Do you require medical attention?”
Huffing a laugh that sounded on the verge of insanity with it’s tone, you shook your head. “If medical attention helped, I wouldn’t be in this situation.” With another wave of tears flooding over, you couldn’t meet his eyes. “It’s anxiety.” You answered bluntly and his eyebrows knit together in thought.
“I was aware this particular affliction existed, however I was unaware it led to this much emotional distress.” He paused as if considering his next actions. “I do not wish to leave you alone, but I realize that my sitting here is only aggravating the situation. Would you...mind if I provided you with a hug?”
Shock riddled your expression and you swore you saw a barely there smile appear on his lips, “Oh! I mean, you don’t have to Spock, I know physical touch is a big thing for Vulcans and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.” Your arms waved in a nervous fashion, yet the Vulcan just shook his head.
“You will not make me uncomfortable, though I find your attempts to dissuade me from doing something you think will make me uncomfortable is rather endearing. So I will ask you again, would you like me to give you a hug?”
You didn’t know if it was the different wording, or him essentially saying that your actions were sweet, but you found your heart warming with affection. Wordlessly you held your arms open with a nod of assent, squeaking in surprise as the Vulcan instead swept you into his arms. The overwhelming heat of his body was what you noticed first, as if you had been swaddled in a heated blanket, and you found yourself softly groaning in happiness as the tightness in your muscles began to ease.
The huff of amusement drew your eyes upwards, where they met the normally stoic Vulcan’s eyes, instead finding him gracing you with the softest smile you had ever seen. Cheeks burning you shot your gaze downwards again, “Thank you.” Your body settled against his, anxiety steadily melting away the longer you were held in his embrace. “Had you not ignored me attempting to shoo you away, I would have probably been here for hours.”
“I’m glad I was able to help, please let me know in the future if something like this happens so I am here for you when you need me.”
“You are an absolute Saint.” You hummed, watching in amusement as his eyebrows pinched together.
“I’m unaware how religious figures have anything to do with-”
“Spock!” His dark eyes focused on you fully once more. “I’m trying to compliment how amazing you are, stop analyzing it.” Though your words were riddled with laughter the slight exasperation that comes with watching someone you care for do something you hoped they wouldn’t slipped in right with it.
“I see.” He remarked, quirking an eyebrow, but he said nothing else, leaning down to press his cheek to the top of your head and settle in despite the fact that you both still resided on the uncomfortable floor.
You had no idea how you had gotten so lucky as to have people who cared about your wellbeing so deeply, but you wouldn’t trade it for anything in this universe or the next.