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My pride, my ego, my needs, and my selfish ways / Caused a good strong woman like you to walk out my life / Now I never, never get to clean up the mess I made / And it haunts me every time I close my eyes // Too young, too dumb to realize / That I should have bought you flowers and held your hand / Should gave you all my hours when I had the chance / Take you to every party cause all you wanted to do was dance / Now my baby’s dancing, but she’s dancing with another man.
Bruno Mars – When I Was Your Man
Talbott Winger is a loner.
He always lives quietly in his solitude and never wants to be too close to others.
Things happened to his parents made him always on alert and keeps his distance from other people.
Then, she came into his life, twisting around like a hurricane, turning his world upside down.
The way she always pushed right through him, without warning and kept going no matter how hard Talbott resisted her, drove him insane and finally swept away over time.
Soon, Talbott found something similar between them.
That she was actually just someone like him beneath that cheerful façade she always wore, a person who always keep a safe distance from others in order to protect herself.
Though he also found that she had a twisted beliefs caused by the sudden disappearance of her brother.
Beliefs about if she cares too much for someone and that someone suddenly avoids her, it means that someone was about to leave her and disappear from her life.
Within times, Talbott realised that he had fallen in love with her.
The feeling grows deeper every moment they spend together, and started to get out of his hold when they began to snogged each other.
All her affection for him, and his own affection for her, frightened Talbott as he had not felt that much fondness for a long time.
He was terrified and overwhelmed in navigating his own feelings.
Out of confusion, he began to hid himself from her, in a desperate attempt to sort out his thoughts.
Talbott forgot the credence she had about how when people avoid her, eventually abandon her.
Lost in his own thoughts, Talbott didn't notice that after some time, she started avoiding him as well.
And since the two of them weren't trying to be honest to make their feelings for each other come across, their relationship went awry.
~~~~~
April comes, Easter holidays were over and school started again.
Talbott began to miss her presence around him but made no attempt to approach her first.
He wait, mainly because since the beginning of their encounter to each other, it was always her who came to him first like a bulldozer destroying every border he ever made around his heart.
After some time, Talbott finally realised that she was ignoring him too, with all her might.
He finally tried to make the first move, trying to do something out of his usual manner and approached her first.
Unfortunately, he never managed to get a hold of her.
She always on a rush here and there whenever Talbott caught a glimpse of her whereabouts.
The only place she didn't seem to be in a hurry was when she was studying in the library so it goes without saying for Talbott tried to approached her there.
Talbott didn't give up, he tried again.
That day, Talbott stood at one of the library corridors, peering at her through between the piles of books on the shelves.
She was reaching and taking a book from the shelf before skimming something in it while standing there.
Talbott tried to move closer to her silently so she wouldn't notice that Talbott was already beside her, pretending to be looking for a book on the shelf next to her.
Talbott stared at her silently, admiring her.
He remained silent and just watched her until she turned her head to where Talbott was standing, finally realising that someone had been watching her for some time.
Their eyes met, then they looked into each other eyes silently.
After a while, Talbott choose to spoke first.
“Hi.”
She still stared at him for a few more minutes before she looked back at the book she was holding, continuing her reading.
“What do you want, Talbott?” She whispered.
“Would you spare me a few minutes?” Talbott spoke with a very low voice, trying to avoid the shush-ing from Madam Pince.
“What for?”
“Just, catching up.”
Talbott moved his hand, reached for her chin, and pulled it gently to bring her gaze returned to him.
She had a gloomy expression on her face, looked very reluctant to look at him.
Talbott was restless, he knew that her expression definitely caused by him but he didn't know what to do about it.
After staring into his eyes for a while, she turn her gaze away and sighed.
“Fine.” She walked past him to a nearby chair and sat there.
Talbott followed and sat down next to her.
“Start talking, I need to do my detention soon.” She murmured.
“Are you avoiding me?” Talbott questioned her.
She closed her eyes and shook her head before opening her eyes again in disbelief.
“Almost a month has passed and you only noticed that, now?” She scoffed.
“Not really, I notice it when the school started again after the Easter holidays ended.”
“That's exactly the same.” She rolled her eyes.
Madam Pince shushed them from afar, so they both muttered an apology to her.
They were silent for a while before Talbott began to questioned her again.
“So?” He asked further.
She sighed.
“If you must know, I’m not avoiding you. I’m waiting for you to make more effort.” She mumbled.
“May I know what effort I need to make?” Talbott kept asking for more specific answers.
“Really, Talbott? After all this time and you still had no clue of what you need to do?” She looked at him in disbelief.
“What do you mean by that?” Talbott furrowed, he looked baffled.
“Forget it. I was wrong for coming too strong on you all this time.” She shook her head, got up from her chair, and was about to walked away when Talbott suddenly grabbed her wrist, restraining her from leaving.
"Again, what do you mean by that?" Talbott asked.
“Let me go, Talbott.” She glared at him.
Talbott stared at her, trying to analyse her expression.
“I miss you.” He softly said.
His hand, which was holding her wrist, moved down towards her fingers, then entangled them with his own.
Her gaze softened after that, though she still looked jaded.
“Please don’t lie to me.” She mumbled.
“I never told a lie to you before, why would I start now?” Talbott said softly to her.
She didn't answer, just stared at their intertwined fingers.
“It was you who avoided me first, Tal.” She muttered quietly.
“I know, and I’m sorry. Will you forgive me?” Talbott got up then stood in front of her.
He stroked her cheek with his free hand while his other hand was still linked to hers.
She glanced at their intertwined fingers and his eyes, back and forth, before finally breaking the silence between them.
“I’m late to my detention. Can we talk another time?”
“Can I count on you to not avoid me when I come to talk to you later after today?” He retorted.
She stared at him.
“I’ll try.” She finally answered.
Talbott smiled.
“Then, I’ll wait.”
Talbott let her hand go then she turned herself around, and walked away.
~~~~~
Days turned into weeks, but Talbott couldn't see her again after their last conversation in the library.
She was harder to find and Talbott scarcely find her in the library anymore.
She even managed to be gone in an instant whenever Transfiguration, the only class they had in common, ended.
Finally understood what it was like to be in her shoes, Talbott realised how exhausting it was, trying to catch someone who had always on the run from being found.
One day, Talbott finally managed to find her at the training ground with Bill and Merula.
She saw Talbott whereabouts but did nothing about him because her focus all absorbed in the activity she was doing at the time.
Talbott waited until she finished her business with Bill and Merula.
Then, as Bill and Merula left, Talbott came up to her.
“Lately, you’re harder to tracked down than I am.” He opened his mouth as soon as he stoos in front of her.
“You promised me that you wouldn't avoid me anymore.” Talbott continued, expressing his disappointment.
“I really am not avoiding you. I’m too occupied with the vault I'm facing currently.” She looked at him expressionlessly.
Talbott chose to let it slide because he wanted the truce.
“If you say so.”
The sun was setting, there was no one beside them at the training ground anymore.
“It’s getting late, let's go to the great hall to have dinner together, okay.” Talbott suggested.
She looked very tired so Talbott was worried about her.
“I’m not hungry yet.” She refused.
“Then, how about flying around the castle for a bit?” Talbott suggested again.
She paused, obviously weighing Talbott's idea into her head.
It had been quite some time since they last transformed themselves into their Animagus forms and flew around together.
“It’s actually a pretty good idea.” She said.
“Let's go.” She instantly transformed herself and flew into the sky.
Talbott soon followed her.
They hovered up and down alternately while swirling freely in the sky.
Talbott let her lead for a while, then he took over and directed them to a certain area on the castle roof where they shared their first kiss.
They landed and sat side by side in silence for a while.
“How have you been lately?” asked Talbott, starting the conversation.
“I’ve been better.” She looked up at the dark sky.
"Do you want me to listen to you?" Talbott offered himself, shifting his seat closer to her.
At first, she just stared at him, hesitating.
Then, after thinking for a moment, she began to told Talbott what she was going through currently.
“I hate hearing what you’re going through, but I’m sure you’re going to make a way around it.” Talbott tried to console her.
“I hope so.” She looked pretty down.
“Is there anything that I can help you with?” Talbott offered.
“I can’t think of anything for now but thanks for your offer. Thanks for hearing me out too.” She finally smiled at him.
“I love hearing you like this, just like the good old days.” Talbott smiled back at her while staring profoundly with an incomprehensible gaze, his hands are reaching for hers, holding it and putting it in his lap.
“Do you remember what happened when we were in this exact place at February?” He asked her.
She stared deeply into Talbott's eyes upon hearing his words.
“You mean all those kisses? Before you, for who-knows-why, ignoring me up till after Easter holidays end?” She sneered.
“So you do remember about it.” Talbott widened his smile, ignoring her sarcastic comment.
“Of course I do. All of those was my first kisses you know...” She sulked.
“Well, those are my first too.” Talbott leaned forward and kissed her lips chastely.
Talbott can feel she stiffened at first but as he continued to kiss her gently, he feel that she loosened up since she embraced him back by nipping his lips.
Within no time, their chaste kiss turned to be a passionate one.
After a series of nibbling each other lips, and tasting a bit of each other inner mouth, they both decreased the speed of their kisses before stopping entirely and let go of each other slowly.
“I miss you, and I’m sorry I shunned you.” Talbott whispered while he pressed his forehead against hers.
“Fine, I forgive you.” She mumbled, her lower lip still protruded in a sulky pout.
“Glad to know that.” Talbott chuckled then stroked her cheeks gently.
They smiled at each other.
“Then, how about another lap of flying? I’ll escort you to your dorm after that.”
“Okay.” She nodded.
They fly together for a short while before walking back together to the castle while lightly chatted.
~~~~~
After Talbott offered his truce that night, they weren’t avoiding or ignoring one another anymore, but they didn’t hang around as much as they do before.
Talbot knew she was tied down with everything on her hands, so she was having a hard time to come searching for him.
He waited, as always.
Yet, soon afterwards, Talbott saw a black-haired guy accompanying her almost everywhere she goes.
Talbott didn't feel comfortable about it, he decided to stop waiting and went to her right away to ask her directly.
Later that day, Talbott loitered near the front door of the kitchen by the time her detention was about to end.
He leaned his back against the wall, reading his book, waiting for her to come out of the kitchen.
Soon he saw coming out from the kitchen, but she was not alone.
There was a black-haired guy walking beside her.
Talbott watched her chatting and laughing with the guy from afar.
As soon as they were approaching him, Talbott greeted her.
“Hi.”
“Talbott? What are you doing in here?” she looked surprised upon seeing him while the black-haired guy beside her stared at her with a question expression on his face.
Talbott keeps an eye on the guy very closely.
“It’s okay. You go first. See you tomorrow.” She waves her hand to the black-haired guy and he nodded at Talbott before he takes his leave.
“It’s very rare of you to come searching for me. What’s up?” She asked.
“Let's go to a quieter place first shall we.” Talbott spoked while walking away.
She followed him without saying anything.
Talbott stopped when they arrived at a desolate corner where people rarely walked by.
He turned around so he’s facing her.
“I notice that you spent more and more time with that guy from your house.” Talbott confronted her right away.
“From my house? Who?” She scrunched her eyebrows, thinking.
“The yellow hoodie guy I just met.” Talbott stare sharply at her.
“Jae? He’s not in my house. He’s a Gryffindor. It was gold, the colour that he wore, not yellow.” She shook her head.
Talbott scuffed the information aside and continue.
“I don’t like you hang with him too much.” His jaws tightened as he speaks.
She raised her eyebrows, looked annoyed.
“And why would you disliking the fact that I went around with him?” She asked.
Talbott looked at her closely with confused face.
“Of course I dislike you spent so much time with other guy.” Talbott stated.
“I don’t remember any moment we declare ourselves as an item.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest.
“We went on many dates for almost a year now.” Talbott looked baffled so he spoke in a slightly harsh tone.
“But you never said that we were in a relationship within those dates we went.” She scorned.
“Do I have to?” Talbott questioned her.
“Yes, you have to, Talbott. I want a statement, a clear one. And I got tired chasing you around. Why would you never come to me first before now?” She raved.
“Well, we are in a relationship then.” Talbott said irritably.
“Oh, really? May I know since when?” She asked further.
“...” Talbott couldn’t answered.
“Figured.” She looks very disappointed, her eyes are looking down.
Talbott softened seeing her like that.
“Haven’t you know my feelings already? You’re a natural born Legilimens after all.” He asked gently.
“I’d rather have people tell me about how they feel or think voluntarily without I have to use my ability. Besides I haven’t managed to do it without casting the spell and swishing my wand. The only mind that I can get into without doing any of it was Jacob.” She groused.
“I’m sure you'll get past through and got a hold around it soon, your hard work will pay off.” Talbott conveyed support for her.
She raised one of her eyebrows.
“Thank you? But that’s not the point here, Tal. How am I supposed to know if you never told me how you really feel?” She’s looking up to him with a sad eyes.
“But you never told me how you feel about me too.” Talbott looking at her with the same sadness in his eyes.
She silenced herself, seems she had just become aware of the thing that Talbott mentioned.
“At least I always tried to come to you first.” She looked away and sighed.
Talbott was silent, he knew she was right.
“I’m tired. I don’t want to argue with you. Good night, Talbott.” She turned around, walking toward her dormitory without looking back at all.
Talbott just stood where he was, looking at her figure until she disappeared as she turned a corner.
“How did we end up like this?” He murmured to himself while emptiness crept into his heart.
~~~~~
Nearing the end of May, people at Hogwarts was getting all excited from the Gryffindor triumph over the Quidditch Cup a couple days before.
Unaffected with the hype, Talbott holed himself at the Owlery, trying to sort his mind of.
A moment later, someone was cpming through the entrance of the Owlery.
Turns out it was her.
She stopped walking when she saw Talbott sitting at one of the Owlery windows, leaning to the arch.
Talbott was looking straighet to her eyes then they were staring at each other silently for a while.
She seemed to decide to continue doing what she intended to do at the Owlery.
“Sending an owl to your parents?” Talbott asked her from afar.
“Yeah.” She glanced at him.
“Doing fine?” She asked him gently.
“Somehow.” Talbott muttered.
She walked toward a window near him to set the owl off.
“Can I asked you something?” Talbott asked her as soon as she finished sending her letter.
“Go on.”
“What are we now?” Talbott asked her.
She paused and looked at him, seemingly thinking about what to say to him.
“Someone who have been close to each other as more than just a friend, perhaps?” She answered doubtfully.
"That's not how I viewed you though..." Talbott replied.
“What do you think of me then?” She stared at him, looking uneasy.
“A girlfriend.” Said Talbott sternly.
She took a very long deep breath and exhaled loudly after hearing Talbott's statement.
“Why didn't you tell me before? You got your chances Talbott, and you wasted it already.” She frowned.
“Clearly an example of ‘you don’t know what you got till it’s gone’.” She mumbled to herself but Talbott could definitely hear it.
“I know what I’ve got, I just never thought I’ll lost it.” He clarified while looking up to the sky outside.
None of them speaks any further, only the sound of owls hooting that was heard here and there.
“Can’t we just start all over again?” Talbott shift his gaze to her.
“I’m sorry Talbott, but I’m seeing someone else.” She awkwardly tells him.
“That yellow hoodie guy?” He inquisitioned.
“Well yes, that gold hoodie guy. And his name is Jae.” She gave an unsolicited explanation.
“Will you leave him if I told you that I love you? Because I do.” Talbott stated, stare sharply into her eyes.
She looked really troubled.
“You confused me, Talbott. Why are you saying it now? Why not when I needed those words the most before?” She glanced around, as if looking for answers.
“Just leave him. You’re supposed to be with me. I know you before him.” Talbott pressed her in his desperation.
“I... can't...” She spoke indistinctly.
“What does he do that I don’t?” He asked further.
“Really, Talbott? You’re asking that, now?” She’s stared at him sceptically.
“I have to know.” Talbott groused.
“Well, for example, he never let me have to chase the other person in the relationship around.” She stared at him, accusing his very mistake.
“I can do that too, if you give me another chance.” Talbott rattled his own fingers while in his dubiousness.
“Maybe, at another time...” She answered vaguely.
“Did you ever loved me?” Talbott continued seeking for answers from her.
“I love you Talbott, I do. But I’m letting go now, and I think you should too.” She said with a very sad expression.
“If that’s your final decision...” Talbott let his words hang in the air, still hoping something might change her mind.
“Yes Talbott, that’s my final decision.” She gently said to him with a calmness in her face.
Talbott looked deep into her eyes, trying to convince himself that this was it, the end for his very first love relationship.
As she doesn’t flinch by his ways to intimidate her, Talbott sighed and gave up.
“Can we still meet each other? You know, once in a while? Practicing our Animagus forms?” Talbott tried to have her kept in his radar.
“Maybe... I suppose...” She bit her lips in uncertainty.
The owls was hooting continually as the sun light faded.
The winds blowing to the inside of Owlery sending chills to their bones as none of the windows had glass in them.
“It's getting late, I have to go.” She mumbled.
Talbott stared at her for a while before finally nodded.
She opened her mouth, looked like she wanted to say something, but didn't.
She then turned herself and walked slowly to the Owlery entrance.
As she stood in the middle of the entrance, she paused, turned her head, and looked Talbott straight in the eye.
“Good bye, Tal.”
Talbott could see the sadness in her eyes before she moved forward and continued on her way.
He stared at her, until she was out from his sight.
Then he transformed himself to his eagle form and flew away, high into the sky.
He felt suffocated as he climbed higher, because he knew something was cracking inside him.
It was his heart.
Broken from love, for the very first time.
However, although it was painful for him, Talbott knew that this short-lived romance with her, will forever remain, somewhere in his heart.